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Old 22-09-2017, 07:52 PM   #1
PerceptionDeception
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Default Coping with the social struggles of being T Total

I'm in my late teens and have obviously been teetotal all my life. I don't like alcohol: the taste, it's addictive nature and the way it affects the body and mind. I'm coming to the age now where people I know are abusing alcohol as a means of entertaining themselves rather than as a social lubricant.

I have drank in small amounts on occasion before as a curiosity and have no issue with this as I still have enough control of my body and mind to not do things I would normally not do and retain self control.

However, I am missing a social gathering of a dozen friends tonight as I know that they intend to get deliberately inebriated as a sole form of entertainment. I take moral issue with this, and also I feel I am in the right on this issue, but feeling right is not a good feeling today. It would also be intensely strange and quite frankly disturbing to attend and not drink; I would be witnessing and listening to my friends not being in their right mind.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this issue and pointers on how to approach it? I don't know if discouraging my friends from drinking would work but I feel I may have to grin and bear it and hope its a quick phase. Bear in mind also that these friends are not simply people I just hang around with, they are genuinely people I have grown to admire greatly in the 6 years or so I've known them and so finding new friends is not a valid option.

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Old 22-09-2017, 09:13 PM   #2
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It's that sort of age where you still have a need to be in with the crowd...like school kids.

You can't tell them what to do. You do your own thing.
Anyway, if you understood how these 'friends' are damaging you, you'd walk away but I guess you have to come to understanding of your own and my telling isn't going to make sense to you. By all means, make mistakes and learn from your own experience.

In a nutshell....
Only surround yourself with friends who would let you be who you are.
Too many people under the (work) culture feels necessary to force themselves to become what they aren't just so that they may be accepted into 'the herd'. Fuck 'em.
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Old 22-09-2017, 09:40 PM   #3
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It's that sort of age where you still have a need to be in with the crowd...like school kids.

You can't tell them what to do. You do your own thing.
Anyway, if you understood how these 'friends' are damaging you, you'd walk away but I guess you have to come to understanding of your own and my telling isn't going to make sense to you. By all means, make mistakes and learn from your own experience.

In a nutshell....
Only surround yourself with friends who would let you be who you are.
Too many people under the (work) culture feels necessary to force themselves to become what they aren't just so that they may be accepted into 'the herd'. Fuck 'em.
Thanks mate, points taken. They're good people, I just feel concerned I may lose them and they may become people I don't recognise anymore. But if that's the way it's going to be I'll be prepared for the worst. I'll let them do their own thing and I'll do mine, but with the hope that they come round.
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Old 23-09-2017, 10:38 AM   #4
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Thanks mate, points taken. They're good people, I just feel concerned I may lose them and they may become people I don't recognise anymore. But if that's the way it's going to be I'll be prepared for the worst. I'll let them do their own thing and I'll do mine, but with the hope that they come round.
It's booze mate. Not some form of crazy new lsd. They won't change. Do you fear change in yourself and others?
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Old 23-09-2017, 01:39 PM   #5
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I'm in my late teens and have obviously been teetotal all my life. I don't like alcohol: the taste, it's addictive nature and the way it affects the body and mind. I'm coming to the age now where people I know are abusing alcohol as a means of entertaining themselves rather than as a social lubricant.

I have drank in small amounts on occasion before as a curiosity and have no issue with this as I still have enough control of my body and mind to not do things I would normally not do and retain self control.

However, I am missing a social gathering of a dozen friends tonight as I know that they intend to get deliberately inebriated as a sole form of entertainment. I take moral issue with this, and also I feel I am in the right on this issue, but feeling right is not a good feeling today. It would also be intensely strange and quite frankly disturbing to attend and not drink; I would be witnessing and listening to my friends not being in their right mind.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this issue and pointers on how to approach it? I don't know if discouraging my friends from drinking would work but I feel I may have to grin and bear it and hope its a quick phase. Bear in mind also that these friends are not simply people I just hang around with, they are genuinely people I have grown to admire greatly in the 6 years or so I've known them and so finding new friends is not a valid option.
I totally recognise the situation you are in. I'm in my mid 50's, and have never even tasted alcohol, it was something that I never wanted to do, I also observed my friends back in the day, family members too, and just decided that I really didn't want to be around that behaviour. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with people who drink alcohol in a controlled and sensible way to enjoy themselves, but I wasn't willing to be around people who behaved badly and irresponsibly because of their abuse of alcohol.

All I can say to you, is to trust your own instincts, follow what they tell you, but don't go against anything that you feel is right, ignoring your own intuition is a sure way of finding yourself in situations that you really don't want to be in. I know you're a young person and want to be with your friends and have fun, but only you can decide what terms are acceptable to you. I wish you the very best of luck.
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Old 23-09-2017, 01:56 PM   #6
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It's booze mate. Not some form of crazy new lsd. They won't change. Do you fear change in yourself and others?
I wouldn't word it how you worded it, but one must be vigilant of a change of any nature, as it can invite dangerous circumstances if treated with complacency. I wouldn't go as far as to say I am afraid of change, but I'm skeptical of a sudden shift towards this behavior and indeed alcohol isn't just "booze". Its genuinely mind altering harmful stuff when misused.

More lives have been fucked by alcohol than "crazy LSD".

Anyhow, thanks for the attempt to belittle my concerns as if they're insignificant.
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Old 23-09-2017, 01:58 PM   #7
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I totally recognise the situation you are in. I'm in my mid 50's, and have never even tasted alcohol, it was something that I never wanted to do, I also observed my friends back in the day, family members too, and just decided that I really didn't want to be around that behaviour. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with people who drink alcohol in a controlled and sensible way to enjoy themselves, but I wasn't willing to be around people who behaved badly and irresponsibly because of their abuse of alcohol.

All I can say to you, is to trust your own instincts, follow what they tell you, but don't go against anything that you feel is right, ignoring your own intuition is a sure way of finding yourself in situations that you really don't want to be in. I know you're a young person and want to be with your friends and have fun, but only you can decide what terms are acceptable to you. I wish you the very best of luck.
Thanks, really appreciate the advice.
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Old 23-09-2017, 05:46 PM   #8
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Thanks mate, points taken. They're good people, I just feel concerned I may lose them and they may become people I don't recognise anymore. But if that's the way it's going to be I'll be prepared for the worst. I'll let them do their own thing and I'll do mine, but with the hope that they come round.
You decide who your mates are but there are many well meaning good citizens who are no good to you. Of course, I don't know your mates so I'm only talking in general.... awful lot of well meaning good people....think Christians.
Do you want to spiritually grow or get stuck in 3D and repeat whatever we have been told.

There will be more people that you don't know yet who'll be inspiration to you...then you'll only realise that it's a waste of time to be even speaking with your old friends. Sorry, I don't mean to put your mates down but I am speaking of my experience.
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Old 23-09-2017, 06:49 PM   #9
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You decide who your mates are but there are many well meaning good citizens who are no good to you. Of course, I don't know your mates so I'm only talking in general.... awful lot of well meaning good people....think Christians.
Do you want to spiritually grow or get stuck in 3D and repeat whatever we have been told.

There will be more people that you don't know yet who'll be inspiration to you...then you'll only realise that it's a waste of time to be even speaking with your old friends. Sorry, I don't mean to put your mates down but I am speaking of my experience.

You're absolutely right. No need to apologise. I need to be around people that elevate me to where I need to be and where I need to be is not getting trashed on alcohol.

If alcohol helps one to have a good time then that's fine, but I don't like the idea of alcohol actually BEING the good time.
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Old 23-09-2017, 07:28 PM   #10
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You're absolutely right. No need to apologise. I need to be around people that elevate me to where I need to be and where I need to be is not getting trashed on alcohol.

If alcohol helps one to have a good time then that's fine, but I don't like the idea of alcohol actually BEING the good time.
There is a big difference between having a moderate amount here and there. No need to be anal about alcohol. But if you start abusing, there is the difference there.

And don't worry about people you are leaving where they are because that's what they have chosen so they are happy with their choice and if you starts to lecture about other dimension, they will not get it or appreciate you for being a messiah. If they decide that enough is nuff and wants to straighten their life, they will do it, not you. Don't spoil their journey or lesson. We've all, well most of us learned the hard way.
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Old 23-09-2017, 07:44 PM   #11
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There is a big difference between having a moderate amount here and there. No need to be anal about alcohol. But if you start abusing, there is the difference there.

And don't worry about people you are leaving where they are because that's what they have chosen so they are happy with their choice and if you starts to lecture about other dimension, they will not get it or appreciate you for being a messiah. If they decide that enough is nuff and wants to straighten their life, they will do it, not you. Don't spoil their journey or lesson. We've all, well most of us learned the hard way.
Learning the hard way is often the best way too I find

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Old 23-09-2017, 10:13 PM   #12
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Learning the hard way is often the best way too I find
Sometimes learning the hard way is the only way--particularly for the hard-headed. And maybe the hard-hearted too.
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Old 23-09-2017, 11:16 PM   #13
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I'm in my late teens and have obviously been teetotal all my life. I don't like alcohol: the taste, it's addictive nature and the way it affects the body and mind. I'm coming to the age now where people I know are abusing alcohol as a means of entertaining themselves rather than as a social lubricant.

I have drank in small amounts on occasion before as a curiosity and have no issue with this as I still have enough control of my body and mind to not do things I would normally not do and retain self control.

However, I am missing a social gathering of a dozen friends tonight as I know that they intend to get deliberately inebriated as a sole form of entertainment. I take moral issue with this, and also I feel I am in the right on this issue, but feeling right is not a good feeling today. It would also be intensely strange and quite frankly disturbing to attend and not drink; I would be witnessing and listening to my friends not being in their right mind.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this issue and pointers on how to approach it? I don't know if discouraging my friends from drinking would work but I feel I may have to grin and bear it and hope its a quick phase. Bear in mind also that these friends are not simply people I just hang around with, they are genuinely people I have grown to admire greatly in the 6 years or so I've known them and so finding new friends is not a valid option.
My son is 17 and has the same problem. So does one of his mates who is a Mormon and not supposed to drink.
Half mates are starting to want to avoid drinking too now but the other half talk about it constantly - so they are planning a holiday next year and it sounds like they may split into two groups - the ones that want to chill and the ones that want to drink.

If you no longer vomit and can brag about how much you can drink - you probably are past the point of being able to quit - deny it as much as you like - it's true. Not really something to brag about is it.

But I reminded him that if his mates did drugs or did bad things would he also want to? He says no - so I said well it's no difference. Peer pressure is something he will have to learn to deal with as part of becoming an adult. If you can stand up to that it will give you self-confidence.

I'm off out with my mates soon and dreading it because they peer pressure me so much I avoid going out with them.
It helps that I drive - but then you get asked to drive vomiting drunks home.
They ask me why I don't drink - can they buy me a drink anyway - sometimes they bring one over anyway.
It's really annoying. As a vegetarian I used to get the same questioning about not eating meat. These days it's accepted.
I reckon in the future it will be the same for alcohol.

The added attraction for teenagers is that it gives them a feeling of self confidence (to everyone sober they are being arseholes) but they think they were confident so they continue to use it in social events as a crutch.

Misery wants company - just remember that next time they pressure you.

My son missed out on a few parties recently out of choice - so did his mates though - they don't like that kind of party anymore - the one where someone got drunk and pulled their pants down and had a photo taken of him by a girl that went viral.

That's what you're missing.

It's funny - as long as you aren't the drunk guy with his pants down.

Oh and remember drinking will stop the histamines or whatever it is that gives you the gagging reflex - this is why so many people vomit and die.

I'd like to think we all will continue to not succumb to peer pressure but as others have pointed out - sometimes you learn the hard way - only problem is where alcohol is concerned you may not be able to learn from it - because it's addictive you may never be able to stop - it's Russian roulette.

You can moderate anything that isn't addictive. If you believe otherwise you are probably addicted.

It's your choice - but I know for a fact that all these kids started drinking because their parents gave them alcohol in the house.
It's not a right of passage - it's something we are taught.
If you realised that some of your kids might not be able to stop maybe you'd think twice before starting them on it so young.
If you know an alcoholic you'd know they start early - 15 years old usually.

It's sinking mud - you might or might not get out of it but I can assure you that when you are trying to get out of it - none of those 'mates'
that got you into it will be there to help you out of it.
Your choice - not theirs!

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Old 24-09-2017, 12:09 AM   #14
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I read as far as "moral issue" in the OP

To be honest, I dont think you need to worry too much about what your current circle of friends are up to - They will probably cut you loose sooner rather than later.

Whilst too much alcohol is never a good thing in the long term, as a teenager it is one of the rites of passage things that you just do.....Unless of course you deliberately set out to be a wilful oddball - They are the ones without any friends later in life.
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Old 24-09-2017, 12:17 AM   #15
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@OP, you are at the age when friendships can be either solidified or lost. Lives tend to diverge naturally, jobs, school, relationships etc. If it is a big issue for you, it might be a good time to find other friends who are like-minded.
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Old 24-09-2017, 12:32 PM   #16
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My son is 17 and has the same problem. So does one of his mates who is a Mormon and not supposed to drink.
Half mates are starting to want to avoid drinking too now but the other half talk about it constantly - so they are planning a holiday next year and it sounds like they may split into two groups - the ones that want to chill and the ones that want to drink.

If you no longer vomit and can brag about how much you can drink - you probably are past the point of being able to quit - deny it as much as you like - it's true. Not really something to brag about is it.

But I reminded him that if his mates did drugs or did bad things would he also want to? He says no - so I said well it's no difference. Peer pressure is something he will have to learn to deal with as part of becoming an adult. If you can stand up to that it will give you self-confidence.

I'm off out with my mates soon and dreading it because they peer pressure me so much I avoid going out with them.
It helps that I drive - but then you get asked to drive vomiting drunks home.
They ask me why I don't drink - can they buy me a drink anyway - sometimes they bring one over anyway.
It's really annoying. As a vegetarian I used to get the same questioning about not eating meat. These days it's accepted.
I reckon in the future it will be the same for alcohol.

The added attraction for teenagers is that it gives them a feeling of self confidence (to everyone sober they are being arseholes) but they think they were confident so they continue to use it in social events as a crutch.

Misery wants company - just remember that next time they pressure you.

My son missed out on a few parties recently out of choice - so did his mates though - they don't like that kind of party anymore - the one where someone got drunk and pulled their pants down and had a photo taken of him by a girl that went viral.

That's what you're missing.

It's funny - as long as you aren't the drunk guy with his pants down.

Oh and remember drinking will stop the histamines or whatever it is that gives you the gagging reflex - this is why so many people vomit and die.

I'd like to think we all will continue to not succumb to peer pressure but as others have pointed out - sometimes you learn the hard way - only problem is where alcohol is concerned you may not be able to learn from it - because it's addictive you may never be able to stop - it's Russian roulette.

You can moderate anything that isn't addictive. If you believe otherwise you are probably addicted.

It's your choice - but I know for a fact that all these kids started drinking because their parents gave them alcohol in the house.
It's not a right of passage - it's something we are taught.
If you realised that some of your kids might not be able to stop maybe you'd think twice before starting them on it so young.
If you know an alcoholic you'd know they start early - 15 years old usually.

It's sinking mud - you might or might not get out of it but I can assure you that when you are trying to get out of it - none of those 'mates'
that got you into it will be there to help you out of it.
Your choice - not theirs!
Great advice, thanks. I particularly like "Misery wants company"
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Old 24-09-2017, 12:33 PM   #17
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@OP, you are at the age when friendships can be either solidified or lost. Lives tend to diverge naturally, jobs, school, relationships etc. If it is a big issue for you, it might be a good time to find other friends who are like-minded.
I have a few other friends, the issue is these are my school friends right now and it makes sense to keep a hold of them for now as I would be alone in school otherwise.
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Old 24-09-2017, 12:36 PM   #18
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I read as far as "moral issue" in the OP

as a teenager it is one of the rites of passage things that you just do.....
Not sure David Icke forums is the right place for you with that mindset. By that logic, I suppose unprotected sex, mindless social media usage and eating crappy food is ok too? How about voting or reading the mainstream media? They're things people "just do" as well.
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Old 24-09-2017, 10:12 PM   #19
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I have a few other friends, the issue is these are my school friends right now and it makes sense to keep a hold of them for now as I would be alone in school otherwise.
Just give them your quote from the Dude next time they annoy you about not drinking lol
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Old 24-09-2017, 10:17 PM   #20
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Misery wants company - just remember that next time they pressure you.
I would think thats not true. If they are drinking, plus at school, its likely they will be joyful with drinking.

Plus i doubt misery likes company is true. Most people whom are miserable, are not panting for company, like extroverts, and happy people. Happy people, will always want company more then miserable people.

So for me, i doubt that saying has any real basis in reality.
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