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Old 13-06-2009, 03:52 PM   #21
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Interesting post, thank you.

Yes, exactly, and I have realized this in the past and a more deeper realization recently. But then things happened to cause old feelings to be raised to the surface once again only to come crashing down in disappointment when I realized I got the wrong idea.

I do realize I don't need another person to make me complete.
But it still doesn't seem to change the fact that I am vulnerable.
I blame my vulnerability COMPLETELY on the fact that I am an intensely romantic of soul.

Is the uni-verse forcing me to change?

well maybe ---------just maybe , these things have happened to show you that you do need to do something about it .
forcing you ? nahhhhhhh , you dont seem that easy .

but yeah , reality might be trying to show you that what you are doing is not the right way , or atleast , why you are here .

seeing it this way , the way you have mentioned , is a healthy open minded way to accept pain with pleasure , and only good things can come from this because it sounds as though you do not resent this possible path that you now believe is infront of you .
with those seeds sewen you can only have a good harvest because the ground has been weeded and howed .

lost' you are going to do so fine out of this , hwoever just one word of warning .
when we take new paths there can be resistance in the beginning from other people .
if you see it or experience it ----------it means you are on the right track .


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Old 13-06-2009, 03:54 PM   #22
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hello lost! it's true, in "co-dependent" relationships, those in which the respective partners live in the illusion that they are dependent upon the other for their "happiness" are disabling. anyone we enable, we disable...including ourselves.
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Old 13-06-2009, 03:56 PM   #23
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The father of my two sons is an interesting kind of guy. He was never able to fully commit to me and spent most of his life never desiring to have a relationship in the conventional sense. He realized at an early age that such deep, intense feelings are based on illusion.
One of his favourite novels is one called "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
It tells the story of a man who reinvented himself and put all his energy into doing whatever he could to be suitable to maybe one day be reunited with a woman who he fell in love with. It is a tragic tale.

I've thought to myself many times that maybe my ex had the right idea about relationships after all.
But still, I was too stubborn to give up.

It's all a lesson.
The universe is trying to tell me something.
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Old 13-06-2009, 03:57 PM   #24
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Lostinastrangeworld, are you one of thiose women that like to only date "dickheads" ? This isnt a insult so please dont take it as one, it's a genuine question. I know a few women (more than a few actually) who readily admit that they like the "dickhead" types. Maybe the dickhead types are "wild" and alot of women rightly or wrongly like that sort of bloke.
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Old 13-06-2009, 03:59 PM   #25
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Ive always found that being content and happy within oneself always attracts the right person at the right time... if you are not happy others sense this. Are you truly happy? Are you strong, confident, complete? content? All of these things exude from you when you truly find these things... and then you attract the right one.

Just a thought!
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Old 13-06-2009, 04:02 PM   #26
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hello lost! it's true, in "co-dependent" relationships, those in which the respective partners live in the illusion that they are dependent upon the other for their "happiness" are disabling. anyone we enable, we disable...including ourselves.
I think it is impossible to be totally non co-dependent, even if you do find your inner strength. Caring about someone and falling into enchantment with them results in them meaning something to you.

We do need to find ourselves and be strong....actually I'm not sure it really matters but it's a good thing....my life path has been one of mainly solitude which has contributed to all that I am....however all paths are different and it is not for one person to judge another and say what is right or wrong....

I do feel however that strength comes from real-eyes-ing that we are connected to all that is...a part of absolutely everyone and everything....not just a few select people who we feel close to.
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Old 13-06-2009, 04:03 PM   #27
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Ive always found that being content and happy within oneself always attracts the right person at the right time... if you are not happy others sense this. Are you truly happy? Are you strong, confident, complete? content? All of these things exude from you when you truly find these things... and then you attract the right one.

Just a thought!
Slowly getting there.

Thanks.
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Old 13-06-2009, 04:04 PM   #28
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Lostinastrangeworld, are you one of thiose women that like to only date "dickheads" ? This isnt a insult so please dont take it as one, it's a genuine question. I know a few women (more than a few actually) who readily admit that they like the "dickhead" types. Maybe the dickhead types are "wild" and alot of women rightly or wrongly like that sort of bloke.
I'm attracted to deep, sensitive soulful types who are unable to commit.

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Old 13-06-2009, 04:07 PM   #29
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I'm attracted to deep, sensitive soulful types who don't want to commit.
Well find one who DOES want to commit, and then youre sorted
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Old 13-06-2009, 04:07 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by lottie View Post
Ive always found that being content and happy within oneself always attracts the right person at the right time... if you are not happy others sense this. Are you truly happy? Are you strong, confident, complete? content? All of these things exude from you when you truly find these things... and then you attract the right one.

Just a thought!
And a very good thought it is.

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Old 13-06-2009, 05:22 PM   #31
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Listen to me folks and spare yourselves a lot of misery. I'm not saying I'm against relationships, but if we can realize that they are an illusion then they can perhaps be fun without so much pain.

Emotions are incredibly blind, they have a life of their own. They make no sense whatsoever. There is like, this irrational force behind them.
What can this force be?
Hormones I expect. Our hormones program us to think we need someone to make us complete. Millions of years of evolution have programmed us to be addicted to the idea of finding someone. The brain rewards us with chemicals that make us feel good when this love is given back, which is nice enough. However....when it is not....well that's another story altogether. I think most people have gone through it at least some time during their lives. As we know, if things don't work out with our desired mate it feels like hell, like torture. Like it murders our hearts.

Enough is enough. I don't want to be controlled by my brain's chemicals any more. I'm sick of being fooled by it. It's no good any more to be reassured by others that there's someone out there for me, that I'm attractive, etc, etc. Love doesn't work like that. You don't chose who you fall in love with. If your sensitive, like me, and things don't work out...it will break you. If I had been luckier I would have found the right person earlier on in my life and had my children in those circumstances. My irrational brain wouldn't let that happen, I fell for someone who wasn't right for me. Fate would not bring me the one who is compatible....and I've always wondered....why....where are you?

Now I have the answer.

Soul mates, twin flames etc are only a romantic fairy tale that just drive us more crazy along with these stupid pathetic hormones that program our minds to crave companionship so deeply.

The "ideal" partner doesn't exist.

Everything is temporary.
Nothing lasts.
everything is an illusion..depends how you choose to experience it..some choose hate others love...some choose to believe the manipulation others want to break free of it,,is there a right and wrong in this illusion?
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Old 13-06-2009, 05:50 PM   #32
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Although I believe that quote to be LOGICAL, I think that the quote itself does not take into account human emotions. It's a crap quote, simple as that. I dont know how that quote got so popular. There are FAR better quotes out there.
Btw Lottie, I was not trying to wind you up or anything there. I just think that quote is not a good one. I wasnt criticising you, I was criticising the quote Love ya "Lots" xx
I agree, I think this one from Yes is much better:

"Owner of a lonely heart is much better than the owner of a broken heart".

You're every move you make, so the story goes...
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Old 13-06-2009, 06:58 PM   #33
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everything is an illusion..depends how you choose to experience it..some choose hate others love...some choose to believe the manipulation others want to break free of it,,is there a right and wrong in this illusion?
That is a very good response to the question of whether "relationships are an illusion"
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Old 13-06-2009, 07:08 PM   #34
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everything is an illusion..depends how you choose to experience it..some choose hate others love...some choose to believe the manipulation others want to break free of it,,is there a right and wrong in this illusion?
this is exactly what my other thread is about where i say those who believe they are enlightened believe lies and then tell them to us .

an enlightened person does not tell others that only love or hate exists .
this is a polorisation and is false ..
do your religion credit , stop polorising .

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Old 13-06-2009, 07:31 PM   #35
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everything is an illusion
Including illusion.

Or is it?

As for relationships - what's wrong with just looking for a happy, fun, relaxed time with people?

Why does it have to be The Most Ultimate Bonding Experience In The History of the World Ever? [tm]
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Old 13-06-2009, 09:53 PM   #36
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Including illusion.

Or is it?

As for relationships - what's wrong with just looking for a happy, fun, relaxed time with people?

Why does it have to be The Most Ultimate Bonding Experience In The History of the World Ever? [tm]
very nice
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Old 13-06-2009, 10:05 PM   #37
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i'm coming in late in the piece, but i do agree with you Lost. I think we've all been brought up to believe relationships have to be a certain way in order to be right. When it comes down to it, the way we feel in a relationship is more to do with ourselves rather than the other person or the union. If you believe you need to find someone to complete your life you will always be let down. I've been in a relationship for three years and what i've realised is that, if we broke up, i could quite happily live for the rest of my time as a single person (maybe not without my cats though ).

It's no measure of our relationship, it just highlights that you can quite easily get everything you need to feel whole from yourself. Apologies if this sounds condescending, it's not my intention

No offence to any parents on here, but i also dont buy into the fact that men and women must come together to have children. I admire people that do have and raise children but it shouldnt be an expectation.
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Old 14-06-2009, 12:25 PM   #38
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No offence to any parents on here, but i also dont buy into the fact that men and women must come together to have children. I admire people that do have and raise children but it shouldnt be an expectation.

Thats a whole new thread topic!! lol!!
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Old 14-06-2009, 12:41 PM   #39
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I don't see anything wrong with longing for companionship....not because of not being used to being alone....but because of having been alone for so long. When you know yourself and have looked within and all the rest for a certain amount of time, the time comes when a change from this is needed to bring a balance. Not just with anyone....but someone who blends and harmonizes well with one's own frequency....we're all like melodies/ chords playing our part in this uni-versal symphony. (Sorry if my wording comes out a bit fluffy sometimes; that's me).

One of the most wonderful feelings there is, is when two people who are in love hold each other...feel their skin against their skin....it's innocent, it's pure, it's natural....and it replenishes one's entire being.

At the other end of the spectrum is total rejection and realizing how blind emotions can be.

Love and being in love is not the problem

It's these blind emotions.

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Old 14-06-2009, 02:25 PM   #40
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I don't see anything wrong with longing for companionship....not because of not being used to being alone....but because of having been alone for so long. When you know yourself and have looked within and all the rest for a certain amount of time, the time comes when a change from this is needed to bring a balance. Not just with anyone....but someone who blends and harmonizes well with one's own frequency....we're all like melodies/ chords playing our part in this uni-versal symphony. (Sorry if my wording comes out a bit fluffy sometimes; that's me).

One of the most wonderful feelings there is, is when two people who are in love hold each other...feel their skin against their skin....it's innocent, it's pure, it's natural....and it replenishes one's entire being.

At the other end of the spectrum is total rejection and realizing how blind emotions can be.

Love and being in love is not the problem

It's these blind emotions.
maybe problems should be perceived as possibilities not as problems
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