Go Back   David Icke's Official Forums > Main Forums > General Chat > Have a Laugh

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 14-04-2018, 08:45 PM   #2341
fairyprincess
Senior Member
 
fairyprincess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: The city at the edge of the world
Posts: 12,504
Likes: 2,423 (1,332 Posts)
Default

He was just toweling him off..... He was being nice.
__________________
"if you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." (Jesus Christ, gospel of thomas.)

Love is natural, Hate is taught....
Likes: (1)
fairyprincess is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-04-2018, 10:41 AM   #2342
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Lynn's attitude gets progressively more surly. Wonderful.

Likes: (1)
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-04-2018, 06:45 PM   #2343
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

I wasn't going to play her bum like the bongos, it wouldn't even work, too much give. You'd get a better effect clapping your hands. DON'T DO THIS TO ME, ANGELA! Our love is stronger than carbon fibre!!!

Last edited by decode reality; 15-04-2018 at 06:50 PM.
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-04-2018, 07:21 AM   #2344
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Books that don't exist:

Babysitting by King Herod
Marriage Guidance by Henry VIII
Losing Gracefully At Squash by Anne Diamond.
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-04-2018, 03:42 PM   #2345
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Seldom - a pedigree chum.

via Imgflip Meme Generator
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2018, 07:27 AM   #2346
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

If you'd have told me this ten years ago - or hwhenever I started this thread - that Dale Winton would be dead at the age of 62, I'd probably have spat at you. Got any jokes about gays?
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2018, 08:18 AM   #2347
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by decode reality View Post
So Carl was feeling under the weather, and he had some Night Nurse and some Day Nurse, but he didn't know which one to take because he didn't want to go sleep. And as the show goes on, the callers are a bit more zany at that time of night, and they were phoning in suggesting different types of nurses, and someone said I should be a 'mental nurse'. So for the next hour I was this character, this mental nurse. Who sort of scuttles around the wards, putting milk into the drips and toppling people out of... bed. Er, it doesn't really work.
Have you seen Duck Soup with the Marx Brothers? You'd love it.

(OK. Time for traffic and travel.)
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2018, 10:31 AM   #2348
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default



The song you just heard was "Midnight Train To Georgia". The Georgia in America, presumably, rather than the failed Soviet state of the same name - where I'm sure the only "midnight trains" you'd find are the ones taking dissidents to death camps! Still, good song.
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2018, 07:12 PM   #2349
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

It galls me to think I'm going to have to smudge out that young lady's face. In fact I can honestly say that hearing her story has made me more angry than at any time since the 9/11 debacle. That's why I've come here to confront the man who owns the company that has shat all over her life.
Likes: (1)
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-04-2018, 09:17 AM   #2350
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-04-2018, 04:23 PM   #2351
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

I remember in 1982 seeing a performance by the Ants. It was supposed to be Adam & The Ants, but Adam was stuck in traffic. And as they belted out an instrumental version of Stand And Deliver, I remember looking around the packed arena and just shouting “CULTURE!!!!”. It was an outpouring of pride for the county I live in and its artistic pulling power. But as I shouted it I accidentally spat some bitter in the face of a nearby man.

He complained to the security staff and I was asked to leave.

Likes: (1)
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2018, 10:05 AM   #2352
fairyprincess
Senior Member
 
fairyprincess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: The city at the edge of the world
Posts: 12,504
Likes: 2,423 (1,332 Posts)
Default

Hot.... hot... hot ham

(On this day in 1642, sir john hotham denied Charles 1 entry into the city of hull.... the earliest action of the English civil war.)
__________________
"if you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." (Jesus Christ, gospel of thomas.)

Love is natural, Hate is taught....
fairyprincess is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2018, 10:20 AM   #2353
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by fairyprincess View Post
Hot.... hot... hot ham

(On this day in 1642, sir john hotham denied Charles 1 entry into the city of hull.... the earliest action of the English civil war.)
The blood runs deep.
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-04-2018, 07:31 PM   #2354
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24-04-2018, 09:44 AM   #2355
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Six months ago, I was back at the BBC. It was a drinks reception to celebrate 45 years of The Goodies and Bill Oddie invited me as his 'plus one', mindful that he might bump into Chris Packham and lamp him for stealing the Springwatch gig.

Yet that evening something else caught my attention. It was the sound of braying broadcasters proclaiming that we’re now in a golden age of TV. Well, Oddie and I threw our heads back and roared (me laughter, Oddie anger).
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24-04-2018, 02:07 PM   #2356
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by decode reality View Post
I was labelled 'ignorant', 'pejudiced', 'hateful'. And, in a comment that chilled me to the bone, a man who said he'd secretly filmed me taking my trunks off in the David Lloyd Leisure Centre, threatened to use it as revenge porn.
It was the lowest point of my career - but was I to blame, or society?
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-04-2018, 07:52 AM   #2357
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Idea for a food programme: THE FULL MONTY:

Presented by Monty Don, Monty Panesar and, erm, Alan's dog, they all eat themselves giddy in various establishments across the land - from high-end restaurants to greasy spoon cafes to Little Chefs. In a sense, they all get stuffed (ooh, pardon!!).
Likes: (1)
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-04-2018, 04:39 PM   #2358
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

But then, disaster; I received word that Sue Cook had bailed on me. Incandescent with rage, I slammed my fist down on the reception desk. Oh Cooky, I thought to myself, you are as unreliable as you are fit - i.e., very.
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-04-2018, 04:41 PM   #2359
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

As my shift on the tills wore on, I realised something extraordinary; I was absolutely brilliant at scanning. The female side of my brain, long dormant, had suddenly been re-triggered. Suddenly I was scanning quicker than Tesco-lifer, Pat Bevan. Pat could barely conceal her rage.
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26-04-2018, 09:52 AM   #2360
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,366 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Poignant Partridge.

decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
alan partridge, matters, mid, morning, quotes

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:30 AM.


Shoutbox provided by vBShout (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2018 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.