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Old 01-09-2017, 04:05 PM   #1
polyhedron
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Default Rise of the One Stop Shop phenomenon

Has anyone noticed the rise of the One Stop Shop dissability community centre type model springing up here, there and everywhere? Usualy charity funded, they claim to help people. I thought I'd post the type of letter that should be any such organisation's number 1 responsibility to send out to its new members.

Dear Service user,
It is the responsibility of The One Stop Shop to inform all of you that, apart from acting as an auxiliary for the benefits department and some brief counselling in terms of defining your dissability / situation, we are unable to help you to develop socially or offer any assistance in regard to your social developmental needs. We don't have the funding, the training or the resources to offer such facilitation.

We appreciate that the drop ins and activities we offer are of little use except as a means to help you fritter away your time in minor distraction. If you want any help with developing communication skills or social interaction we suggest you don't come to us as your social wellbeing is not of our concern.

You may well wonder what the point in fact is of The One Stop Shop. The truth is, most of you would find the actual reason why we are here somewhat disturbing. Let's just say we're not here to help you. On the contrary, you're here to help us run a service who's job it is, to serve the organisations and governing bodies of the establishment, and as with all such services the policy of 'don't ask, don't tell' is in full force here as it is anywhere else.

Your job is to pretend to be happy with the service, while our job is to pretend to help you lead satisfying and fulfilling lives. Every so often we'll throw a little party where we'll play you a loud noise that is laughably called music and lay on a sort buffet and treat you all like 5 year olds, despite the fact that you are listed as adults, and basically treat you all like a bunch of morons.

We know you want something resembling dignity in your life but from us you are not going to get it. Now if you could all quietly sod off and masturbate and avoid any act that might lead to the formation of families as this would go against our eugenics policy. Heil Hitler and all that.

Yours Sincerely
Your lovingly unconcerned One Stop Shop support team.

Last edited by polyhedron; 01-09-2017 at 04:06 PM.
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