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Old 30-11-2008, 05:47 AM   #2021
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DIY Tank


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Old 30-11-2008, 05:49 AM   #2022
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A Human Car Performance

Three women were talking about their love lives.

The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."

The second said, "Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful."

The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."

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Old 30-11-2008, 11:09 AM   #2023
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I can't stop watching this video!


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Old 30-11-2008, 02:13 PM   #2024
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Talking Penis work complaints

The Penis hereby requests a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not always stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do no take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you've completed the assigned task.
And, if all this is not enough, you've been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious looking bags!
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Old 30-11-2008, 02:59 PM   #2025
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On balance, I think the only reason our political elite haven't slaughtered us in camps is they need us to produce children for them to fuck

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Old 30-11-2008, 03:05 PM   #2026
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On balance, I think the only reason our political elite haven't slaughtered us in camps is they need us to produce children for them to fuck

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Old 30-11-2008, 06:54 PM   #2027
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The England Cricket team has accused the ECB of not being concerned about their safety by not bringing them back from their tour of India.

A spokesman for the ECB said in a statement, "The ECB most vehemently disputes the allegation that we are not concerned with the safety of the England players. We recently ordered a full review of the security situation and found that the threat to the players was minimal.

Furthermore, the ECB have requested a meeting with the England captain and team to discuss the comments when they return from their tour of India, Somalia, Hellmand Province, Waziristan, the Sunni Triangle, Chechnya, South Ossetia and the Democratic Republic of Congo."
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Old 30-11-2008, 08:46 PM   #2028
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obviously satirical that some people somewhere don't already believe it.”
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Old 01-12-2008, 06:05 AM   #2029
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Top Photos of the Week



Sometimes its just the fact that we don’t know what it is
that explains so much of life around us.



She was determined to keep her job as the pool waitress, but this was just a
bad day to forget her snorkel.



He had just finished typing “…and the dish ran away with the spoon”
when he saw this little guy trying to make a getaway
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Old 01-12-2008, 06:09 AM   #2030
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Top Photos of the Week



Most airlines now carry an emergency meat kit in case one of
the passengers goes into vegetarian shock.



Fasten your seat belts and kiss this planet goodbye.



Some nuts just aren’t worth fighting over
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Old 01-12-2008, 06:14 AM   #2031
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Top Photos of the Week



After the third quarterly loss was announced, you could
just see the blood drain from the CEO’s face.



The economic crisis caused a chain reaction of
exploding bank accounts all over the world.



In the supermarket it was well positioned, right next to the infamous
“sniff your butt” air freshener.
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Old 01-12-2008, 06:20 AM   #2032
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Top Photos of the Week



The house rules stated that you have to eat the cutest ones first.



When skateboarding meets break dancing, everyone loses.



Cheap seats.
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Old 01-12-2008, 06:25 AM   #2033
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Top Photos of the Week



His whole life he had dreamed about floating away in a river of caramel,
only this wasn’t a river, and that stuff wasn’t caramel.



The food itself looked delicious, but the artsy table setting made people gag.



The ad was very effective, but they had to test out 147 different models
before they found one who could actually break glass.


End of slideshow
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:25 AM   #2034
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Pregnancy Jokes

A woman went to the doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?"

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.

"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"


Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized."

Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?
Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
Depends on what you're doing with them.


A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"

She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise."

"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew. "


Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.

When is the best time to get an epidural?
Right after you find out your pregnant.

Under what circumstances should a baby not be circumcised?
When it's a girl, for starters.

Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
Yes, pregnancy.

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Old 02-12-2008, 08:30 AM   #2035
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:51 AM   #2036
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Air bags for kids


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Old 03-12-2008, 04:04 AM   #2037
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traveling in a logarithmic spiral towards infinity

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Old 03-12-2008, 06:03 AM   #2038
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Teamsters

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention
in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When
he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union
house?"


"No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."


"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"


"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."


Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off
down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized
shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel
where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House."


The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"


"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00."


"That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00,
looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.
"I'd like her for the night."


"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then pointing to an 85
year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."
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Old 03-12-2008, 06:09 AM   #2039
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A Russian church


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Old 03-12-2008, 06:12 AM   #2040
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Sax gangsta


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