Go Back   David Icke's Official Forums > Main Forums > General Chat > Have a Laugh

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-05-2016, 12:25 PM   #61
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by fairyprincess View Post
Just remember, there are two Cromwell's....
Actually he's called Cresswell. Meant to call him back.
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2016, 12:00 PM   #62
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Crisp addicts win unexpected holidays in bagging area

Lucky breaks for Tesco customers across Liverpool

Written by Liverpool Confidential | Follow @ | Wednesday, 1 June 2016 12:58

PEOPLE fuelling their addiction to crisps ended up bagging big surprises this week after trips to Tesco stores across Liverpool.

At the Old Swan Tesco on St Oswalds Street, Ashley Lombard was stopped by a flash mob of people dressed up as airline pilots and holidaymakers at the checkout. They presented her with a trip to Majorca. The only cost-a was a packet of Walkers.

Ashley was buying a multi-bag of crisps on her way to visit a friend and said: “I go out to get a few things and I come back with a holiday from Tesco and Walkers!?… Who’s going to believe that?”

At the Tesco on Myrtle Street, Jonathan Owens was also shocked when he was handed a holiday to Crete after his girlfriend slipped a cheeky bag of cheese and onion into his basket.

Jonathan who was on his lunch from the university, said: “I can’t believe I’ve won something like this, I didn’t even realise she (his girlfriend) had put the bag of crisps in the basket. Perhaps from now on I should let her buy what she wants when we go shopping.”

The prizes were part of the Unexpected Holiday in Bagging Area competition being run jointly by Tesco and Walkers.

All the nice girls love a pilot and Lesley Davies (below) got more than she bargained for when the same Old Swan guy stepped out of her Tesco home delivery van with more than a packet of Ready Salted rustling in his hand: a trip to Budapest in fact.

"I’ll definitely be rating my delivery driver 5/5” Lesley said, "he brought me a holiday…. and a pilot.”

http://www.liverpoolconfidential.co....n-bagging-area
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2016, 08:47 AM   #63
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Man strips, runs onto railway line and starts singing UB40 songs

Simon Robb for Metro.co.ukSunday 5 Jun 2016 4:53 pm

London passengers were left stunned after a man claiming to have a gun jumped onto the tracks and started singing a UB40 song.

Bystanders watched as the man allegedly ‘ran up and down’ the tracks while belting out a song by the 80s band, reports Evening Standard.

People were asked to evacuate the station once British Transport Police and the Met arrived on the scene last night.

Ed Quigley tweeted: ‘I’m told there is a civilian, not wearing much, dancing on the train track singing UB40.

‘Armed police and at least 8 cars at an evacuated Lewisham Station.’

http://metro.co.uk/2016/06/05/man-st...songs-5925298/
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17-08-2016, 10:30 AM   #64
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

This 66-Year-Old Woman Is Suing All Gay People—Yes, All of Them

Time magazine, May 2015

Nebraska's Sylvia Driskell will represent herself in Driskell v. Homosexuals

A Nebraska woman is suing every gay person on Earth and asking a federal judge to rule on whether homosexuality is a sin.

Sylvia Driskell, 66, describes herself as an ambassador of “God, And His, Son Jesus Christ [sic]” and will serve as her own lawyer in Driskell v. Homosexuals, NBC News reports. In her seven-page petition, written entirely in cursive, Driskell doesn’t reference any case laws for U.S. District Judge John M. Gerrard to consider, but she does quote the Bible and Webster’s Dictionary.

“I never thought that I would see a day in which our great nation or our own great state of Nebraska would become so compliant to the complicity of some people[’s] lewd behavior,” writes Driskell, who says “that homosexuality is a sin and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in the closet.”

Gay activist and columnist Dan Savage, one of the many millions of people being sued, has signaled he’d be willing to take the stand:




http://time.com/3848666/nebraska-woman-sues-gays/
Likes: (1)
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23-08-2016, 08:03 AM   #65
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Vegans are like a ‘sect’ and should all be killed, top chef says


Metro, Monday 22nd August, 2016

A top Italian chef has brought down the wrath of vegans after he said they were a ‘sect’ and said he would like to ‘kill them all’.

Gianfranco Vissani – a hugely popular TV chef – told the On Air prime time chat show, ‘Vegans are like members of a sect, they’re like Jehovah’s Witnesses.

‘It’s true, and I mean vegans, not vegetarians. What would I do with the vegans? I would kill them all.

Naturally, his comments haven’t gone down too well on social media.

Many vegans responded angrily to Vissani’s attack on their diet, saying he was ‘living proof that eating meat is bad for you’.

http://metro.co.uk/2016/08/22/vegans...-says-6082568/
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2016, 12:35 PM   #66
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

North Korea bans sarcasm because Kim Jong-un fears people only agree with him ‘ironically’

Mocking expression 'a fool who cannot see the outside world' is said to be circulating in North Korea

The Independent, 8 September 2016

North Korea has forbidden people from making sarcastic comments about Kim Jong-un or his totalitarian regime in their everyday conversations.

Even indirect criticism of the authoritarian government has been banned, Asian media reported.

Residents were warned against criticising the state in a series of mass meetings held by functionaries across the country.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/wo...-a7231461.html
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-09-2016, 04:13 PM   #67
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Black Lace singer forced to perform 'Agadoo' for fellow inmates while serving prison sentence

"When these terrifying criminals tell you to do something you do it."

NME, SAM MOORE, 12TH SEPTEMBER 2016

The frontman of the novelty Europop act Black Lace has revealed that he was forced to repeatedly sing his group's most famous song for his fellow inmates while serving a recent prison sentence.

Dene Michael Betteridge, who was an official member of the still-active pop group between 1987 and 1991, recently served 10 weeks of a six-month sentence at HMP Leeds after fraudulently claiming £25,000 in benefits.

Betteridge, who received an early release on condition that he wear an electronic tag, has now spoken of his experience in prison, revealing that his fellow inmates besieged him with requests to perform Black Lace's 1984 single 'Agadoo'.

Speaking to The Sun, Betteridge confessed that he found the inmates' requests to be "very odd."

"But these terrifying criminals tell you to do something you do it, so we had a conga of convicts snaking around the jail," he explained. "They all seemed to find it hilarious and everyone joined in. It lifted the gloom somewhat. All the murderers and drug dealers wanted to be my mate.”

"It was all the time, everyone wanted to sing 'Agadoo' with me. It was surreal singing the party song about pushing pineapples and shaking the tree in such grim circumstances, but people were obsessed. At night when we were all in our cells, the entire wing was singing in chorus: ‘Agadoo doo doo’. I thought the prison officers would be angry but they found it hilarious."

The 59-year-old had been claiming disability benefits after claiming that he couldn't walk and required a carer, despite giving live performances as Black Lace that involved “vigorous physical activity” on stage. He also auditioned on The Voice, while last year he appeared in a Walker's advert alongside Gary Lineker.

Read more at http://www.nme.com/news/various-arti...XdfzKETGGJK.99
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-10-2016, 08:04 PM   #68
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

We must stop our obsession with wet wipes before it comes back to haunt us

JEMIMA LEWIS, Telegraph, 27 October 2016

Water companies have called this week for wet wipes and other hygiene products that do not dissolve to be labelled as "non-flushable", to prevent them building up so-called fatbergs that can block sewers. In a piece originally published in June, Jemima Lewis says that our over-dependence on wet wipes and the instant hygiene they offer is a modern morality tale

Last year, for a half-term treat, my sister and I took the kids on an outing to a sewage farm. The Mogden Sewage Works, in the suburbs of west London, throws open its doors to the public every now and then,presumably as an exercise in “community outreach” (ie mollifying the neighbours, who have to live with the smell).

Legoland it may not be, but it’s free and educational, and the children loved peering into the swirling vats of poo. At the end of the tour, one of the plant workers pressed a small bottle of something called Freshu (“a revolutionary new gel that turns toilet tissue into a moist wipe”) into my hand. “Wet wipes are evil,” he said, fixing me with the penetrating look of a pastor who senses a lost sheep in his flock. “Please, if you need extra moistness, use this instead.”

Forgive me, Thames Water, for I have sinned. I never meant to become a wet wipe addict. At first, they were just for wiping the babies’ bottoms. Then the babies’ faces. Then the entire surrounding area: table, high chair, floor, porridge-splattered walls. And as soon as you’ve tried cleaning a wall with a wet wipe, you’re hooked.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016...-comes-back-t/
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2016, 01:23 PM   #69
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Woman claims home was damaged by ‘possessed’ salad dressing

Nicole Morley for Metro.co.uk Thursday 10 Nov 2016 9:17 pm

A woman has claimed her friend’s property was damaged by exploding salad dressing which may have been ‘possessed’.

Divel McLean was preparing food when the salad dressing she was about to use starting acting a bit freaky.

‘I heard pop, pop, pop. I looked up, it was possessed. It was going crazy. It was shooting up in the air, to the side,’ she told Fox19.

Divel, from Wyoming, claims the bottle of salad dressing then exploded ‘like a firecracker. Real loud’.

Recalling the bizarre incident, Divel said: ‘Well it’s hard to explain, I was attacked by a bottle of salad dressing. He probably thought I was in the whiskey or something.’

She estimates that the rogue condiment caused $2,500 (just under £2,000) of damage.

She later found out the salad dressing had been recalled by manufacturers due to bacteria in the product which caused it to bubble and foam.

http://metro.co.uk/2016/11/10/woman-...ssing-6250118/
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-11-2016, 12:01 PM   #70
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Trump Promises To Protect America From Growing Threat Of Musical Theatre

By The Shovel on November 21, 2016

Donald Trump says he will use his presidency to curtail the real and present threat posed by singing theatre groups in period costume.

In a speech today, the president-elect vowed to make America strong again. “When an aide told me that ISIS was planning future attacks and that Mike pence was booed at the theatre, I did what any strong leader would do. I asked, ‘which theatre?'”

He said he had a plan to stop further attacks, but that it was secret. “I’m not going to just tell the enemy my plan. But mark my words: never again will we be subjected to shock and sheer terror of being teased by a man in period costume. Not on my watch”.

Leaked intelligence papers point to another performance from the group, possibly as soon as tonight.

http://www.theshovel.com.au/2016/11/...sical-theatre/
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-11-2016, 03:57 PM   #71
cosmic tramp
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,900
Likes: 2,707 (1,758 Posts)
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by decode reality View Post
Trump Promises To Protect America From Growing Threat Of Musical Theatre

By The Shovel on November 21, 2016

Donald Trump says he will use his presidency to curtail the real and present threat posed by singing theatre groups in period costume.

In a speech today, the president-elect vowed to make America strong again. “When an aide told me that ISIS was planning future attacks and that Mike pence was booed at the theatre, I did what any strong leader would do. I asked, ‘which theatre?'”

He said he had a plan to stop further attacks, but that it was secret. “I’m not going to just tell the enemy my plan. But mark my words: never again will we Be subjected to shock and sheer terror of being teased by a man in period costume. Not on my watch”.

Leaked intelligence papers point to another performance from the group, possibly as soon as tonight.

http://www.theshovel.com.au/2016/11/...sical-theatre/
The Liza Minnelli film "Cabaret" is pretty much about all that isn't it ? Showing Hitler's outright response to unpatriotic, decadent, racy, whacky , zany cabaret acts... Tomorrow Belongs to Donald.

Last edited by cosmic tramp; 28-11-2016 at 03:59 PM.
cosmic tramp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29-11-2016, 04:28 PM   #72
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by cosmic tramp View Post
The Liza Minnelli film "Cabaret" is pretty much about all that isn't it ? Showing Hitler's outright response to unpatriotic, decadent, racy, whacky , zany cabaret acts... Tomorrow Belongs to Donald.
Yes that's true. I actually like the idea that he's trying to put a stop to any future stage performances of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2017, 12:18 PM   #73
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

The Government – Placing Kill Orders On Homemade Cookies And Muffins

JANUARY 11, 2017 - FOOD FREEDOM

The Michigan Department of Agriculture and Rural Development (MDARD) has filed a complaint with the Livingston County Circuit Court asking that the court order the destruction of, among other foods, 18 homemade oatmeal cookies and 17 homemade apple muffins.1 MDARD seized the cookies, muffins, and other foods during a September 1, 2016 raid of Dairy Delight Cow Boarding, LLC, a herd share dairy farm owned and operated by Kris Unger in CohoctahTownship.2

FTCLDF members have been subject to food seizures since the organization’s inception, but just about all of the seizures have been of either meat or dairy products; the enforcement action at Dairy Delight marks the first seizure of baked goods. The Unger case is great testimony for why a legal distinction needs to be established between the public and private distribution of food and why government agencies should leave the private distribution of food alone.

http://www.naturalblaze.com/2017/01/...s-muffins.html
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2017, 12:21 PM   #74
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Iain Duncan Smith raps Eminem to attack Diane Abbott

NME

Well, that's music ruined forever

As the race for the General Election 2017 marches on, Iain Duncan Smith surprised viewers of ‘Good Morning Britain’ today, when he rapped a verse of Eminem‘s ‘Lose Yourself’ to attack Diane Abbott.

The Conservative politician, formerly leader of the part Work And Pensions Secretary, appeared on ITV to take aim at the Labour MP for her disastrous radio interview last week in which she fluffed her speech when discussing police funding.

“Can we just take a moment because, just in the break there, one of the most iconic cultural moments I think I’ve ever experienced on this sofa,” said presenter Piers Morgan, intoducing the Tory politician. “Ian Duncan Smith, perhaps the last person that you’d expect to know this, was talking about a message for Diane Abbott, which was when he began reciting lyrics from Eminem.”

Smith replied: “I said that his ‘Lose Yourself lyrics’ are some lyrics for Diane Abbott. “It’s halfway down and he says: ‘He opens his mouth but the words don’t come out. He’s choking now and the clock’s run out.'”

Watch the incident below.

Iain Duncan Smith raps Eminem to attack Diane Abbott




Last edited by decode reality; 09-05-2017 at 12:21 PM.
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2017, 02:15 PM   #75
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Woman eats £7,000 life savings to spite cheating husband


BBC Newsbeat, 5 May 2017

A woman in Colombia has eaten her entire life savings to stop her cheating husband getting his hands on the money.

Sandra Milena Almeida wolfed down £7,000 ($9,000) in cash after finding out her husband had been unfaithful.

The 30-year-old's actions were only discovered after she was taken to hospital suffering abdominal pains.

Doctors then found bundles of notes inside her stomach.

She took the extreme steps of eating the $100 bills after he discovered the hiding place and demanded half of it.

Relatives and doctors only discovered she'd eaten them after carrying out tests.

Director of Surgery at the University Hospital of Santander, Juan Paulo Serrano, told reporters: "57 $100 bills were found and extracted by the orifice opened in the stomach.

"Some extra rolls (of money) were found in the intestine, which advanced to the colon."

"She ate rolls of bills, they were not wrapped up for any form of illicit transport," he added.

"It seems it was an act of desperation by this woman, due to the problem she was facing, to ingest these elements, and this of course affects the patient's normal intestinal functioning and life."

Mrs Almeida, from Piedecuesta in the north-east of the country, is expected to make a full recovery.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/articl...eating-husband
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28-05-2017, 09:34 AM   #76
decode reality
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,061
Likes: 4,369 (2,796 Posts)
Default

Woman marries train station

Adam Boult, The Telegraph
26 MAY 2017 • 5:00PM


Why not, eh? Why not marry a train station if that's what your heart truly desires?

Some people love men. Some love women. Some love both. And some - or to be accurate, one person - is head-over-heels in love with a railway station.

45-year-old Carol says she's been smitten with Santa Fe station in California since she was a young girl, and so decided to make her relationship with the place official.

The nuptials have not been officially recognised by the government, but Carol says she and the station tied the knot nearly 18 months ago, and they have been very happily wed ever since.

"When we got married, I stood there and I told her that I take it as my partner," says Carol, who calls the station 'Daidra'. "It was the happiest day of our lives."

She visits the station every day, travelling 45 minutes by bus to visit her spouse.

"When I get there I say hello to her - I then walk around the block circling around her, trying not to let anyone notice I am talking," she says.

"There is a private bit where two walls meet, I go there to touch her, which I do by leaning against her with my clothes on.

"When I'm touching her, I feel as though it actually holds me and kisses me. I don't have physical sex with the station in public, I want to be respectful.

"I wouldn't do that with a human in public so why would I do it in this case?"

Carol identifies as 'Objectum-Sexual', a form of sexuality focused on specific inanimate objects. The term was first coined by Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, a Swedish woman who claimed to be "married" to the Berlin Wall from 1979 until her death in 2015.

In 2008 an American woman named Arika made headlines after "marrying" the Eiffel Tower. She later founded the organisation OS Internationale, for others who identify as Objectum-Sexual.

There are thought to be around 40 OS woman in the world, many of who also have Asperger's Syndrome.

According to psychotherapist Jerry Brooker, OS women are motivated by a need for control.

"Someone who falls in love with objects can control that relationship on their own terms," he told the makers of a documentary om the subject. "Their objects will not let them down. That is extremely attractive for a person who is otherwise often desperately lonely."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/lif...train-station/
decode reality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-09-2017, 07:42 AM   #77
itsallundercontrol
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Light
Posts: 1,872
Likes: 870 (546 Posts)
Default

Manchester United 'seeking advice' over racist Romelu Lukaku song about the size of his penis

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/f...-a7954556.html

Quote:
Kick It Out has confirmed that it has spoken to the Premier League club following the emergence of video footage that featured a song about the size of Lukaku’s penis,


Quote:
The chant has not been used by fans in a derogatory or abusive way towards Belgian striker Lukaku, but The Independent understands that the club will now seek advice over the matter.
__________________
Likes: (1)
itsallundercontrol is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2018, 04:00 PM   #78
itsallundercontrol
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Light
Posts: 1,872
Likes: 870 (546 Posts)
Default

Quote:
Mother spits in Christmas elf's face at shopping centre grotto
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...-a8679916.html

Quote:
A mother allegedly spat in an elf’s face and verbally abused others at a shopping centre Christmas grotto.

Calling the incident "horrendous", Karen Eve, manager of Castlegate Shopping Centre in Stockton-on-Tees told The Independent that the woman had taken exception to the fact that other parents had been allowed in front of her child.

"We were giving them priority because it was autism hour," she said, adding that lights and noises are lowered for children during that time.

Told that she would have to wait, she said the woman started abusing the elf, before she spat at her.


Quote:
It’s absolutely abhorrent that anyone would spit in the face of one of the elves,' police say
__________________

Last edited by itsallundercontrol; 12-12-2018 at 04:00 PM.
itsallundercontrol is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:32 AM.


Shoutbox provided by vBShout (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.