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Old 19-08-2008, 11:24 PM   #21
freespark
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Originally Posted by hold_that_thought View Post
I've registered on the forum, specifically to give my view of this subject. It's started with lesbian rape and then moved on to pornography. The above view is interesting and touches on sexual submission and Domination. I have some experience with this path and I must disavow the above view suggesting that a desire to be hurt is a sign of menatl instability-not so;but I'll get to that.

I am a Dominant to a female submissive. We enjoy a level of understanding to each others needs and desires few 'vanilla' (The term used for 'normal' relationships) marriages and partnerships experience. Non D/s (Dominant/submissive) people would possibly find it hard to spot we have such a relationship, the dynamics are subtle and often unsaid between us. At this point a few of you will be saying 'Yeah, but you're obviously a bully who enjoys beating up women'...

Not so, although some relationships do have sado masochism as part of their dynamics, it is NOT universal, and I cannot stress that enough. D/s is basically a power exchange dynamic. It is no coincidence that high powered professional people from all walks of life (I mean ALL) are by nature submissive in D/s, as it gives them the opportunity to release that everyday need to 'look after' others, and relish the control exchange to a Dominant. It sounds bizarre, but submissives (of both sexes) outnumber Dominants by about three to one. They make a concious decision to take this path. A Dominant (and this is where it should be stressed 'Dominant' rather than bully) holds his/her submissive in awe, 'eh? You serious?' VERY serious.

To give your all to another person is the ultimate demonstartion of trust, sometimes quite literally with your life. I use rope bondage with my submissive, and although it seems strange to some, you have to believe me (and without putting too fine a point on it!) she experiences an incredible feeling of eroticism and completeness-without any further physical contact. Although this does of course occur! How? I know not how, I'm not a submissive, but I know the why. It's because she has a feeling of total relaxation because she doesn't have to think or have independent thought in such a 'scene'. An imperfect analogy would be a pet dog, a devoted but separate loyal partner to it's Mistress or Master. The owner provides totally for the dog, the dog repays with total loyalty and protection, as it sees it's owner as the pack leader.

If you look, you'll find many many articles on D/s and like me as I did, may find your attitude is rather different to what the tabloids may have you believe. Rape is rape, and plays no part on D/s. A true D/s relationship has the three maxims; Safe, sane and consensual. Nothing is ever done without the express understanding that if the submissive gives a 'safe' word, the scene ends-NOW. Some relationships do not use safe words, the belief in their relationship that the Dom uses his/her descretion when to end the scene, again the submissive has given this consent.

Very rarely things can and do go wrong, there was a recent case in Canada where a scene went very very wrong and the woman died. This is terrble but thankfully very rare. I would suggest that the amount of injuries and long term psychological problems in D/s are minute compared with a 'loving' marriage where the bloke comes home and beats the daylights out of his wife, who cannot resort to a safe word. A D/s club does not entertain brutal thugs, such bullies are quickly weeded out and in some cases action is taken. I hope my little contribution although a little off topic addresses an issue that is often misrepresented.


Better? :-)
This is how i see it as well. Two concenting and mature adults indulging in mutually pleasurable sexuall fantasy.

Nicely explained.

Better yes!!
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Old 20-08-2008, 06:32 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hold_that_thought View Post
I've registered on the forum, specifically to give my view of this subject. It's started with lesbian rape and then moved on to pornography. The above view is interesting and touches on sexual submission and Domination. I have some experience with this path and I must disavow the above view suggesting that a desire to be hurt is a sign of menatl instability-not so;but I'll get to that.

I am a Dominant to a female submissive. We enjoy a level of understanding to each others needs and desires few 'vanilla' (The term used for 'normal' relationships) marriages and partnerships experience. Non D/s (Dominant/submissive) people would possibly find it hard to spot we have such a relationship, the dynamics are subtle and often unsaid between us. At this point a few of you will be saying 'Yeah, but you're obviously a bully who enjoys beating up women'...

Not so, although some relationships do have sado masochism as part of their dynamics, it is NOT universal, and I cannot stress that enough. D/s is basically a power exchange dynamic. It is no coincidence that high powered professional people from all walks of life (I mean ALL) are by nature submissive in D/s, as it gives them the opportunity to release that everyday need to 'look after' others, and relish the control exchange to a Dominant. It sounds bizarre, but submissives (of both sexes) outnumber Dominants by about three to one. They make a concious decision to take this path. A Dominant (and this is where it should be stressed 'Dominant' rather than bully) holds his/her submissive in awe, 'eh? You serious?' VERY serious.

To give your all to another person is the ultimate demonstartion of trust, sometimes quite literally with your life. I use rope bondage with my submissive, and although it seems strange to some, you have to believe me (and without putting too fine a point on it!) she experiences an incredible feeling of eroticism and completeness-without any further physical contact. Although this does of course occur! How? I know not how, I'm not a submissive, but I know the why. It's because she has a feeling of total relaxation because she doesn't have to think or have independent thought in such a 'scene'. An imperfect analogy would be a pet dog, a devoted but separate loyal partner to it's Mistress or Master. The owner provides totally for the dog, the dog repays with total loyalty and protection, as it sees it's owner as the pack leader.

If you look, you'll find many many articles on D/s and like me as I did, may find your attitude is rather different to what the tabloids may have you believe. Rape is rape, and plays no part on D/s. A true D/s relationship has the three maxims; Safe, sane and consensual. Nothing is ever done without the express understanding that if the submissive gives a 'safe' word, the scene ends-NOW. Some relationships do not use safe words, the belief in their relationship that the Dom uses his/her descretion when to end the scene, again the submissive has given this consent.

Very rarely things can and do go wrong, there was a recent case in Canada where a scene went very very wrong and the woman died. This is terrble but thankfully very rare. I would suggest that the amount of injuries and long term psychological problems in D/s are minute compared with a 'loving' marriage where the bloke comes home and beats the daylights out of his wife, who cannot resort to a safe word. A D/s club does not entertain brutal thugs, such bullies are quickly weeded out and in some cases action is taken. I hope my little contribution although a little off topic addresses an issue that is often misrepresented.


Better? :-)
Very well put hold_that_thought.
I watch porn, my fiancé watches porn, we watch porn together a lot of the time, we sometimes play about with dom/sub games, sometimes we don't....


Quote:
Originally Posted by mcthompson2x View Post
I think that the desire to inflict pain is also a sign of mental instability, but who am I to define unstable. I think that taking any risks that could result in the injury of your partner, whether your partner is willing or not, just seems like the opposite of love to me. It's risking destruction. If your partner is willing to risk to be hurt or injured, wouldn't you think that s/he has some issues that need to be resolved? Self-destructive tendencies are always negative. I think when someone takes advantage of the self-destructive tendency of another, for sexual desire, that it is an inherently unfair and thus un-loving relationship at it's core. However, I obviously am limited in experience so this is just the point of view from which I look at the world, and I know there are many aspects of life that I haven't experienced.
...sometimes we play some s&m.... we are not in any way mentally unstable (well, we don't think we are), we have 3 lovely children, we have a wonderful home, full of love (and noise). We are a 'normal' family. Neither I nor my fiancé have ever had the desire to rape anyone.

Last edited by none; 20-08-2008 at 06:40 AM.
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Old 20-08-2008, 08:09 AM   #23
hold_that_thought
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Originally Posted by mcthompson2x View Post
I think that the desire to inflict pain is also a sign of mental instability, but who am I to define unstable. I think that taking any risks that could result in the injury of your partner, whether your partner is willing or not, just seems like the opposite of love to me. It's risking destruction. If your partner is willing to risk to be hurt or injured, wouldn't you think that s/he has some issues that need to be resolved? Self-destructive tendencies are always negative. I think when someone takes advantage of the self-destructive tendency of another, for sexual desire, that it is an inherently unfair and thus un-loving relationship at it's core. However, I obviously am limited in experience so this is just the point of view from which I look at the world, and I know there are many aspects of life that I haven't experienced.

Thank you MC for your view. I agree that such an opinion was one I shared once upon a time, and I would go as far as to say that the thought of S&M abored me to nausea! Yes truly!

Firstly I have not and will not injure my submissive, I love her beyond words. As for having self destructive tendancies, a more rounded down to earth and confident woman you couldn't hope to meet. She is self employed, and a production manager at an amateur theatre group, not the sign of negaitive person I would suggest?

As for sexual desire and inflicting pain, she is almost always the one who initiates the pre amble to a scene by deliberate breaking rules abided by. Again, this is can be mistaken for subjegation, but it is what she derives much pleasure from. I have a far lower need than she does for this aspect of our relationship. Often self loathing can prompt quite astonishing vitriol against practices that are not the 'norm'. How many times do we hear of American evangelists ranting about the 'sin' of sex and 'debauchery'? Only to find the individual later pleading forgiveness for indiscretions?

We (My sub and I) have no such 'dirty secrets' as we're absolutely honest with each other-NOTHING is off limits for discussion. I'm always highly suspicious when I see or hear very zealous individuals proclaiming how awful consenting adults shouldn't indulge in their mutually satisfying practices. I ask-why not? Why has this person come to that conclusion? Have they experience? Have they experiences they wish they didn't enjoy?

If you would like to know more, feel free to pm me, I'm not a psychopath-promise . I don't pretend to know it all-any Dominant who calls himself/herself an expert should be given a very wide berth! As they're far from it.

It comes as a surprise to many that people in the 'scene' are by and large very laid back and far from self destructive. I do however understand your view and you are of course perfectly entitled to it. Be well.
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