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Old 22-11-2014, 05:31 PM   #241
thisisreal
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I met a lovely but very messed up young man thirty two years ago who told me he was taken to the houses of parliament and passed around to men who raped him. He was so damaged yet the sweetest man you ever met. I don't remember his surname and I don't know who raped him - neither did he mention who did - he may have been to young to recognize any of them - it must have happened in the early 70's.

He had a spare room that had boxes of chipped crockery he got from jumble sales. When he got really mad he'd go in there and throw them at the wall. It was full of gouges. He said that was his therapy. He was really an extremely gentle soul.

My dad also had to have his name changed and be moved out of the south american country he was born in, which also gave him British Citizenship, but in the process of losing his fathers American name on his birth certificate, which was illegally doctored to change his identity to protect him, he lost his American citizenship in the process, in order to protect him from pedophile priests. He loved America though and I have a picture of him serving in WW2 as a teen on merchant navy ships. He told us great stories. I have other pictures of him working and partying in 1940's\50's New York but he could not emigrate there I guess...not permanently. I'm not sure. He was probably afraid of exlaining the shame of what happened to him. He was crippled with shame. He had very severe anxiety and angina. He was a pretty little blonde boy as a child in a country with few blonde boys, and he had a beautiful singing voice...so he was a choir boy. He had all his top teeth knocked out and I once heard him try to make up a story to explain how he lost them. He was a terrible liar. He was so honest he stammered and looked away. He was very very sweet and a very messed up man. It's clear looking back that he had very bad PTSD well into his senior years.

This is very real, the damage persists long after the abuse has stopped because it rewires the brain and nerves and litterally causes brain damage. I can see now that he did have a kind of brain damage. He was certainly not at all ordinary. Thankfully his intuition compensated and he had an extremely scrupulous alignment to his conscience.

The older I get the more I understand him. He never was able to sit me down and tell me the whole story. He let it leak out in bits and pieces....mostly hints and side comments but when I was 19 I was with a gay friend in a gay club in downtown London and I turned around and there was my dad chatting up a guy. You see, even when you abuse someone, they can become hard wired to be aroused by the abuse and that's how it spreads through the population.

I think I'm the only one in the family who knows. After he saw me in the gay club he never spoke to me again really. Well once I think. That was 32 years ago. I think he was just ashamed.

By the way, he loved women. He was not gay. He was bi.

Last edited by thisisreal; 22-11-2014 at 05:39 PM.
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