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-   -   A humour thread (https://forum.davidicke.com/showthread.php?t=80)

rynath 27-11-2007 02:08 AM


accuracy 27-11-2007 08:50 AM

At Least They're Honest

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/atle93honest.jpg

accuracy 27-11-2007 08:56 AM

Talented bartenders

http://www.extremefunnyhumor.com/pic...bartenders.jpg

veritas2007 27-11-2007 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rynath (Post 199315)

Great film :D

accuracy 28-11-2007 09:57 AM

I really do not want to post here anymore here, again.

In actual fact, this Forum is worse than the "unnofficial' Icke's.


:eek::eek::eek:

accuracy 28-11-2007 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by accuracy (Post 200443)
I really do not want to post here anymore here, again.

In actual fact, this Forum is worse than the "unnofficial' Icke's.


:eek::eek::eek:

Ok, i am not fully withdrawing, as it will give you trolls to lie, lie and lie again, with no resistance, you continue to lie.

accuracy 29-11-2007 11:14 AM

Vet Exam

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

accuracy 29-11-2007 11:21 AM

First Prize :D

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!"

She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment. A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where y'been laddie... but it's nice ta see you won firrrst prrrize!"

accuracy 30-11-2007 05:43 AM

Just letting you know................Just so you are ready..........

YOU CAN'T SAY YOU WERE NOT WARNED!!!

Click Here

http://mysite.verizon.net/vze201j5/countdown.htm

accuracy 30-11-2007 06:03 AM

Subject: Fw: Fwd: Fw: TR: Catholic parrots

> >> A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
> >> "Father, I have a problem.
> >> I have two female parrots,
> >>
> >>
> >> but they only know how to say one thing."
> >> "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
> >> They say,
> >> "Hi, we're hookers!
> >> Do you want to have some fun?"
> >> That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
> >>
> >> "You know," he said,
> >> "I may have a solution to your problem.
> >> I have two male talking parrots,
> >> which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
> >> Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the
> >> cage with Francis and Peter.
> >> My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your
> >> parrots are sure to stop saying . . .
> >> that phrase . . in no time."
> >> Thank you," the woman responded,
> >> "this may very well be the solution."
> >>
> >>
> >> The next day,
> >> she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
> >> As he ushered her in,
> >> she saw that his two male parrots
> >>
> >> were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
> >> Impressed,
> >> she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
> >> After a few minutes,
> >> the female parrots cried out in unison:
> >> Hi, we're hookers!
> >> Do you want to have some fun?"
> >> There was stunned silence.
> >> Shocked,
> >> one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,
> >> "Put the beads away, Frank.
> >> Our prayers have been answered!"

accuracy 30-11-2007 06:35 AM

...But Honest

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/84syck39874.jpg

accuracy 30-11-2007 06:38 AM

Horny Captain

As the plane began to descend towards the airport, the captain announced "ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking, we are now arriving at JFK airport. On behalf of the staff and crew, i'd like to thank all of you for flying with our airline. We hope you had a pleasant flight and we hope to fly with you again someday, have a safe journey home."

The captain forgot to turn off the intercom. He then turned to his co-pilot and said "damn bob, i really shouldn't have eaten that curry before we took off. When we land and i get to the hotel, im gonna take the biggest shit of my life. Oh, and you know that new air hostess, Jenny? Oh man, i'm gonna have sex with her so hard, did you see her in that uniform? Mmm hmm, those legs and those huge set of tits, she is one fine piece of ass, i can't wait to tap that!!" the pilots then laughed to themselves over the intercom.

Jenny, the new air hostess who was seeing to the passengers, turned red with embarrassment as she realised what had happened. She then darted towards the cock-pit but tripped over an old lady's walking stick and landed on her back.

The old lady looked down at her and said "no need to rush dear...he said he's going to take a crap first"

accuracy 02-12-2007 07:18 AM

Fire Hazard

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/411fart3094838957.jpg

accuracy 02-12-2007 07:24 AM

Waiting For A Haircut

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."

The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, " How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."

The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says,
"About an hour and a half."

The guy leaves.

The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."

ichi wa zen 02-12-2007 05:26 PM

Check my avatar, you thought it was a bug and went to your shed to get some antexterminator mwuahahahhaha, you were fooled by my digital ant. Now your new 21 inch LCD screen is ruined.

accuracy 03-12-2007 07:06 AM

Yeah baby.

http://www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/gif/rhino.gif

accuracy 03-12-2007 08:53 AM

Extreme 4X4

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/511extreme498560.jpg

accuracy 03-12-2007 08:55 AM

Friend For Supper

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married."

accuracy 04-12-2007 06:50 AM

Redneck Basketball

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/er387neckba.jpg

accuracy 04-12-2007 06:55 AM

Religious Tits

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife'

'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man 'There is more than one type?'

'Look Around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.

'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,' replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what were the types.

The saleslady replied 'The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?'

Still confused the man asked 'What is the difference between them?'

The lady responded 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.


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