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decode reality 26-08-2015 10:27 AM

News Felch
Angry, drunk and unemployed German wasps are invading Essex

The Independent, 26 August 2015

This year's mild winter and dry spring has resulted in far more wasps than usual, who are getting drunk by eating fermented fruit and stinging people

Europeans are used to drunk, angry Britons rampaging across their continent, but now the tables have been turned.

Swarms of inebriated and "extra bold" German Wasps are causing problems in parts of the UK, apparently interrupting picnics and barbecues and stinging people for no reason.

Despite the name, the German wasp, or Vespula Germanica, is actually native to the UK and much of the Northern Hemisphere.

Thanks to this year's mild winter and dry spring, there are far more wasps in Essex and the south east of the UK than usual this summer.

Queen wasps have now stopped laying, meaning that rather than having to constantly bring food to the infants in the nests, worker wasps are left without anything to do.

This means they are increasingly bothering humans trying to enjoy picnics and barbecues outside, and eating fermented fruits, which can make them drunk.


silent revolution 26-08-2015 10:35 AM

Iv'e never ever been stung by a wasp or bee. I think people who do get stung by them are the people who tend to panic when one comes along. If a wasp gets too close, a flick of the wrist so the back of the hand knocks the thing away usually does the trick.

Iv'e woken up a few times over the years with a wasp on my arm for some reason, but still never got stung by them.

Peace, love, harmony and wisdom friend:)

decode reality 26-08-2015 10:40 AM


Originally Posted by silent revolution (Post 1062570237)
Iv'e never ever been stung by a wasp or bee. I think people who do get stung by them are the people who tend to panic when one comes along. If a wasp gets too close, a flick of the wrist so the back of the hand knocks the thing away usually does the trick.

Iv'e woken up a few times over the years with a wasp on my arm for some reason, but still never got stung by them.

Peace, love, harmony and wisdom friend:)

I'm happy to report I've never been stung either, but then all the wasps where I live have jobs. :)

the mighty zhiba 26-08-2015 10:50 AM

It's ok, there will be some french resistance wasps along any minute now!


decode reality 26-08-2015 10:56 AM


Originally Posted by The Mighty Zhiba (Post 1062570244)
It's ok, there will be some french resistance wasps along any minute now!


I really hope so, because this is exactly how Nazi Germany started. A lot of layabouts with nothing better to do than to cause trouble.

decode reality 26-08-2015 06:26 PM

City trader fined for punching man in Margaret Thatcher-themed club in Fulham

Evening Standard, Monday 24 August 2015

A City trader who punched a man he mistakenly thought had groped his wife in a Margaret Thatcher-themed nightclub has been fined £300.

Joseph Stephen Crawley, 29, believed his victim Tim Rock had fondled his wife’s bottom when she fell on the dance floor in Maggie’s Bar, Fulham.

Crawley, a commodities trader from Chelsea, told police: “I must admit I thought that prick had touched my wife’s arse so I hit him.”

The court heard Crawley punched Mr Rock in the face as he was being escorted from the premises by security because of a confrontation with Mr Rock.

Crawley admitted hitting Mr Rock and added: “I know it was out of order, I was out of order.” He pleaded guilty to assault by beating and was fined £100 and ordered to pay £200 compensation to Mr Rock.

Police were called to the members’ club in the early hours of June 13 and found Mr Rock with blood pouring from his split lip.

The bar, in Fulham Road, has Rubik’s Cube tables, Eighties memorabilia and speeches by the late prime minister playing in the toilets.

Judge Jeremy Coleman, sentencing at Hammersmith magistrates’ court, told Crawley: “I give you credit for your guilty plea and your previous good character and I appreciate that a conviction for this matter may have potential consequences on your career.

“Perhaps this sort of nightlife, these sorts of bars, are not for you, and perhaps something a little more mundane would be appropriate in future.”


decode reality 29-08-2015 06:52 AM

Cow gets head stuck in chair in Northamptonshire

BBC News, 28 August 2015, Northampton

Firefighters were called out to assist a cow after its head became stuck in a plastic chair.

The curious cow became wedged in the garden furniture at about 07:50 BST near Boughton, Northamptonshire.

Officers from Northamptonshire Fire and Rescue Service attended but said the cow managed to get out of its predicament without their help.

It is not known how the garden chair came to be in the field or why the cow put its head through it.


jupiter12 29-08-2015 06:19 PM


Originally Posted by decode reality (Post 1062572585)
Cow gets head stuck in chair in Northamptonshire

BBC News, 28 August 2015, Northampton

Firefighters were called out to assist a cow after its head became stuck in a plastic chair.

The curious cow became wedged in the garden furniture at about 07:50 BST near Boughton, Northamptonshire.

Officers from Northamptonshire Fire and Rescue Service attended but said the cow managed to get out of its predicament without their help.

It is not known how the garden chair came to be in the field or why the cow put its head through it.


They must be very curious those poor cows!




alf hearted 29-08-2015 06:25 PM

"lol. u r all doing it wrong."

jupiter12 29-08-2015 08:44 PM

A few lessons learned ,, as in ,, careful where you stick it!










decode reality 31-08-2015 10:45 AM

Still, better than a zoo.

decode reality 31-08-2015 10:49 AM

Eighties chart-toppers blazing a trail across care homes, oatcake festivals and gurning contests

Acts which rubbed padded shoulders on TOTP operate the nostalgia circuit - The Independent, 31 August 2015

To the casual observer, the revelation that David Van Day, the one-time Eighties pop idol, was performing at the Lucas Court Care Home in Northamptonshire might suggest a career low.

Yet for the former singer with duo Dollar, the opportunity to perform his “pop cabaret” show to an audience he says was entirely appreciative – and not “dozing” according to some reports – was not one to be dismissed lightly. “I didn’t know care homes actually had booking agents. But if you play enough of them it all begins to add up,” said the singer, 58.

Dismissed as pop’s “vainest has-been” by his critics, Van Day is actually blazing a trail for Eighties stars and one-hit wonders whose determination to remain in the public eye means accepting bookings a long way from the conventional concert circuit.

Visitors to the World Gurning Championships next month, a festival of contorted facial expressions staged as part of the Egremont Crab Fair in Cumbria, will also be entertained by Nathan Moore, the singer with Brother Beyond, the boy band which induced mass hysteria among female fans back in 1988.

It’s nearly 30 years since Glasgow singer Owen Paul hit No 3 with the catchy “My Favourite Waste of Time”. Yet he was delighted to dust down his hit at Oatcake Day in Stoke-on-Trent, an event celebrating “our love of oatcakes” in the Potteries. Paul shared co-headliner billing with Mark Morris, singer with Nineties Britpop chart-toppers The Bluetones.

Acts which once rubbed padded shoulders on Top of the Pops now operate within a strict hierarchy on the Eighties nostalgia circuit. At the top are Duran Duran and Spandau Ballet who still sell out arenas. The Human League, OMD and others fill civic halls with capacities of a thousand-plus.

“I’m pretty realistic about where we are in the marketplace, unlike some Eighties acts who still record new material, bless ’em,” said Van Day. “It’s not what it might have been in the Eighties but we work most weekends,” added the singer who is the star attraction at Rich and Famous night at the Orange Tree pub in Braintree, Essex, this evening.

“I’d expect £500 for an hour’s performance,” said Van Day. “The care home was £150 expenses but some of these care homes are like five-star hotels and they will pay more. I’d do an Eighties festival for £300. I recently played inside a barn at a private party for a merchant banker in Essex for people sitting on haystacks.”

The care home performances began after Van Day, who performs with his wife Sue Moxley, an online beauty business entrepreneur, was asked to sing at a party for a woman’s 100th birthday. A receptionist at the Northamptonshire care home was a Dollar fan and contacted Van Day.

“My mother had Alzheimer’s so I was very happy to entertain people in a care home for expenses,” said the singer, who has complained to the press regulator Ipso over the mocking reports of the care homes show . “The £150 covers the travel. But now I also phone round other care homes in the area so I can do a show at 11am, then 2pm, then 4pm. I do Sinatra and swing, then Sixties and Seventies hits. I don’t do Dollar songs most of the time. If you do that a couple of times a week then it can add up.”

For Nathan Moore, who like Van Day has battled bankruptcy, his role as a side attraction at the Gurning Championships is one to be accepted with good grace. “There’s gurning festival but also caber tossing and climbing up the slippery pole. It’s kind of wacky,” he said.

“It’s a daytime performance. I’ve no idea who else will be playing. There’ll probably be Buster Bloodvessel from Bad Manners and Chesney Hawkes. I see gigging as a bit of a challenge. If there’s a crowd who don’t know who you are, can you win them over?”

Moore, 50, auditioned for BBC1’s The Voice last year but failed to get the coach’s chairs to spin. “I don’t say no to many gigs but they’ve got to pay me right,” he said. “The norm for me is the big Eighties package shows. But I did a Polish wedding three months ago. The bride was a fan of my other band, Worlds Apart. It was bizarre, in the middle of nowhere, a small village 100 miles from Poznan. But they paid me a lot. I’ve learned to sing my hits in Polish, German and Spanish.”

Van Day will not be deterred. “I haven’t had a hit since 1988. I ran a burger van after that. I still get calls for reality TV shows. But we’re building a reputation as a pretty good pop cabaret act. The holiday camp business is good but every year you get 10 new X Factor contestants on the market, then they disappear.

His contemporaries are missing out. “I say to Kevin Rowland [Dexys Midnight Runners founder], get the dungarees on and do ‘Come On Eileen’, but he’d rather stick needles in his eyeballs.”


alf hearted 31-08-2015 10:52 AM

In a better world, zoos wouldn't ever be a necessity for the survival of any creature, but until that world arrives we can only try and make them as much like home for the animals involved as is humanly possible.

decode reality 21-09-2015 02:14 PM

Myleene Klass criticised after claiming she released giant exotic crab on Hampstead Heath

The BBQ Champ presenter claims she returned to the UK with the giant crustacean in her suitcase

Evening Standard, Sept 18th, 2015

TV personality Myleene Klass has been criticised by wildlife campaigners after claiming that she released a giant exotic crab on Hampstead Heath.

Klass, 37, said that she found the crustacean – which is believed to be a coconut crab – in her suitcase after returning from filming Singing in the Rainforest on the Pacific island of Mogmog.

Speaking to a reporter the BBQ Champ presenter admitted: “I don't know if somebody packed this or what but in my bag when I got home was a giant crab. They must be hardy these crabs, it made it all the way back.

“I kept thinking ‘I've got to let this crab go free because it is not very happy here in Highgate’. So we let it free on Hampstead Heath - I've probably ruined the eco system.”

Klass said that she contacted the London Aquarium for help with how to deal with the crab before releasing it.

But a representative for Klass has told the Evening Standard that the former I'm A Celebrity contestant joked about releasing it on Hampstead Heath.

Rachel Jones, head of the aquarium at London Zoo, confirmed that the crustacean was almost definitely a coconut crab and that if it was released, then it could pose a threat to native wildlife.

“It lives in trees and does run around and gets into all sorts of places,” she told the Daily Mail. “They have big jaws that can crack open coconut shells, and they also feast on rats and other crabs.”

“They can get pretty big, with a span of around 60 to 70 centimetres. They are scary looking things.

“The best thing that can happen is they die a horrible death. The worst thing is they will start killing native species.”


decode reality 21-09-2015 02:22 PM

Doritos ‘are a gateway snack turning children gay’

Alex Hudson for Metro.co.ukFriday 18 Sep 2015 8:47 pm

We’ve already heard that rainbow-coloured Doritos are here to celebrate all sorts of things LGBT+, with profits going to an organisation which helps LGBT+ youths all over the world.

What we didn’t know is, according to right-wing US commentators, apparently that means Doritos have become a gateway snack to introduce children to homosexual ways.

‘Doritos are a product marketed to children,’ writes Ed Straker.
‘They make the perfect gateway snack to introduce children to the joys of homosexuality.

‘What business does PepsiCo [which makes Doritos] have pushing homosexuality on our kids?

‘This is how far our culture has shifted; it’s perceived to be cool to push a specific sexual orientation on children, even by companies that produce products that have nothing to do with sex. What’s next – gay toilet paper and tampons?’


It’s fine. It’s clear that no products, snacks or TV ever flood gender and sexuality stereotypes towards young people.

And it seems, according to Straker, this is a thing which needs addressing:
‘I think we should push other companies to launch pro-heterosexual campaigns. Perhaps we could persuade a hot dog maker and a hot dog bun company to do a joint effort promoting man-woman relationships.

‘Until we try sexualizing food like the left does, we’ll never know. And if we think like the left, we desperately need to find out.’

But look at it. There must be some scientific evidence that eating certain sorts of foods makes you gay musn’t there?

Read more: http://metro.co.uk/2015/09/18/dorito...#ixzz3mNo5FIOK

decode reality 22-09-2015 11:27 AM

Waist-deep in mud, Cameron rescues distressed sheep


Bogged down by a stagnating economy and sinking poll ratings, British Prime Minister David Cameron ventured into a new swamp when he waded waist-deep into mud to rescue a drowning sheep.

Cameron was on his way back from visiting a farmer near his weekend home in the Oxfordshire countryside last month when he heard bleating and spotted a ewe that had got stuck in the mud after following her two lambs.

In jeans and rubber boots, Cameron waded into the swamp, followed by his two bodyguards, wrestled the sodden sheep and hoisted it onto safe ground, the Sun newspaper reported.

"When I got there, David (Cameron) was in the swamp, waist-deep in mud, along with the two police, who had all gone in there to help drag this sheep out," farmer Julian Tustian told the Daily Telegraph.

"He was brilliant, pulling, pushing and shoving. He was covered in mud, he looked a mess."

The ewe, which has since been nicknamed Swampy, has fully recovered from the ordeal, which unfolded on the evening of March 1, Tustian said. The lambs drowned.

The story of the lost sheep's messy rescue could have passed for an April fool joke but a Downing Street spokeswoman confirmed it had taken place.

Twitter users mocked what they labelled Cameron's "ewe turn", describing it as an unusual show of compassion from a prime minister imposing harsh welfare cuts and talking tough on immigration.

"Are you sure it was not the over way round? The ewe saved #Cameron from the swamp he's in?" wrote one user calling himself @Brianma68.

(Reporting by Natalie Huet; editing by Estelle Shirbon and Guy Faulconbridge)


decode reality 24-09-2015 01:20 PM

Illegal immigrant hands himself over to police because he has 'had enough of Manchester'

By Helena Horton, Telegraph, 23/9/2015

A 'very angry young man' who has been living illegally in the UK for 10 years hands himself in to Greater Manchester Police and demands to be repatriated to Iran

The Greater Manchester Police force was left bemused after a "very angry young man" demanded to be deported because he "had enough of Manchester".

The man turned up to the town hall police counter in Manchester city centre after having lived in the city for 10 years.
He asked to be sent back to Iran - where he is originally from - and was arrested. He was later released and handed over to the police's immigration team.

The police force tweeted about the strange incident to their 42,000 followers.


decode reality 25-09-2015 02:40 PM

Underpants painted on public pebbles, rocks and pavements to celebrate nudity

Kirstie McCrum, The Mirror, Sept 2015

You'll never look at a pebble in the same way again once you've clapped eyes on these inventive paintings

Protests against censorship can be controversial, thought provoking - or, in this case, just plain weird.

An artist has been painting little Y-fronts onto stones, walls and in public spaces in order to comment on perception of nakedness.

Called Original Sin, Brazilian designer Andre Levy's project is designed to reject the sexualisation of nudity.

On his Behance profile, he explained: "Objects in the city are abducted and reintroduced in their original environments after the addition of simple painted elements: manbriefs.

"Patterns are disrupted by the now humanized individuals which insert in the once uniform groups the seed of nudity and shame. Which of the objects are naked now?

"The painted ones or their surrounding pairs? The answer, as the sin, is in the eyes of the observer."

The project is rounded off with a quote from the Bible's Genesis 3:7: "And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons."


decode reality 26-09-2015 11:08 AM

Pope Francis to release prog-rock album 'Wake Up!' ahead of Christmas charts

Andrew Buncombe, Friday 25 September 2015, The Independent

The album will feature excerpts of the pontiff's speeches put to music

Having lectured world leaders about greed and told US politicians they must bridge their differences, Pope Francis has now solved an even trickier problem – coming up with perfect Christmas gift for the person who has everything.

With an clear eye on the Christmas charts, Pope Francis has let it been known that he is releasing a pop album - Wake Up! - and let people hear a first track ahead of an official launch later in the year.

Believe Digital, the label releasing the album, announced on Friday that Wake Up! will be available on November 27 and will feature extracts from Pope Francis’ speeches in various languages that have been set to music. The extracts are in English, Italian, Spanish and Portuguese. 

Pope Francis, who is currently on a six-day visit to the US and on Friday addressed the UN General Assembly, premiered the first single called Wake Up! Go! Go! Forward! on Rolling Stone's website.

The musical styles on the album, which is is available for pre-order on iTunes, range from pop-rock to Gregorian chant.

“Wake Up! Go! Go! Forward! finds Pope Francis addressing a South Korean audience in English last year amid atmospheric synths, trumpeting horns and sky-scraping electric guitars,” said the magazine.

The 11 tracks address issues such as peace, dignity, environmental concerns and helping those most in need.

Listen to the track "Wake Up! Go! Go! Forward!" here

It is not the first time a pope has released a recording. In 2009, Benedict XVI released an album for Christmas that featured him singing litanies and chants in honour of the Virgin Mary, as well as reciting passages and prayers in Latin, Italian, Portuguese, French and German.

Pope Francis’ album was produced by Don Giulio Neroni.

“For many years, I’ve been the producer and the artistic director of albums by the Pope,” he said. “I had the honour to work with John Paul II, Benedict XVI and now Pope Francis.”


cosmic tramp 26-09-2015 11:18 AM

Just a smidgeon of synchronicity here re the OP, I got stung by a wasp first time ever in my life last week by one of the little bastids in Leeds Train Station Wetherspoons. I yelped out loud not knowing what had happened as it flew off onto the next table, gave chase, took a rolled up Metro newspaper and whapped it twice while this other bloke was trying to have his breakfast. Took its head clean off.

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