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randyt 03-11-2007 07:02 AM

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
 
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Plato:
“For the greater good”.


Karl Marx:
“It was a historical inevitability”.


Machiavelli:
“So that it’s subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained”.


Thomas de Torquemada:
“Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out”.


Carl Jung:
“The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being”.



Albert Einstein:
“Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference”.


Aristotle:
“To actualize its potential”.


Buddha:
“If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature”.


Darwin:
“It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees”.


Jack Nicholson:
“'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason”.


The Godfather:
“I didn't want its mother to see it like that”.


Othello:
“Jealousy”.


Supreme Soviet:
“There has never been a chicken in this photograph”.


Hamlet:
“That is not the question…”

chattanova 03-11-2007 06:25 PM

Rembrandt Does Roswell
 
http://img27.picoodle.com/img/img27/...dm_46eecb5.jpg

auron 05-11-2007 09:40 AM

http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h7.../fight2st0.gif

remorse 05-11-2007 11:57 AM

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e4...3885194280.jpg

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e4...9681590709.gif

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e4...7793603914.jpg

accuracy 09-11-2007 03:01 AM

Royal Flush Plumbers
 
http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/shit9858is92bread.jpg

accuracy 09-11-2007 03:08 AM

Winning Tits
 
http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/9jap...ts39080968.jpg

accuracy 09-11-2007 03:16 AM

Johnny The Gambler

Little Johnny's dad was a retired gambler. Having picked up a few of his old man's bad habits, Johnny wagered on anything and everything, and he was good at it. Eventually, it became such a problem, that Johnny's teacher called his father to discuss it. After a long conversation, they decided to teach him a lesson.

One day after class Johnny approached his teacher. "You're not really blonde," he said. "I've seen your bush and it's pitch black, you dye your hair."

"I most certainly do not," she replied.

"I bet you ten bucks you do," he said.

She saw that this was an opportunity to teach him a lesson, so she waited for all the other children to leave the class and took off her pants, showing him that her pubic hair was the same color as the hair on her head. Johnny paid her the ten dollars and walked sullenly out of the room.

A few hours later Johnny's teacher called his father. "I think I finally taught him a lesson," she said.

"The hell you have," his father said angrily. "This morning he bet me $50 he'd see your vagina before the end of the day."

accuracy 09-11-2007 03:55 AM

http://www.allhatnocattle.net/texas_snakes.jpg

This photo released by the Guinness World Records shows Jackie Bibby in a see-through bathtub with 87 rattlesnakes, in Dublin, Texas, Monday, Nov. 5, 2007. Bibby spent about 45 minutes in the tub shattering his own record by 12 snakes. Photo/Guinness World Records/Carla Metzler


chattanova 15-11-2007 03:09 PM


veritas2007 15-11-2007 05:04 PM

A teenage boy asks his granny: Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD? Granny: 'F**k the pills; have you seen the dragons in the living room?

chattanova 23-11-2007 01:31 PM

http://img32.picoodle.com/img/img32/...mm_682243c.jpg

accuracy 24-11-2007 03:36 AM

Clever Designs

http://img510.imageshack.us/img510/3...designsku6.jpg

accuracy 24-11-2007 03:42 AM

Everything I Need

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55
mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at
him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years,
but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60
mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of
it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend,
and he's a much better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his
anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up,
and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids, too."

The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's
up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the
credit cards, too."

The husband slowly starts to veer toward
a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything
you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph,
"I've got the airbag!"

accuracy 24-11-2007 03:50 AM

Illegal Drag Racing in the city streets

http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/1...36c7a64jc7.jpg

accuracy 24-11-2007 04:06 AM

You just can't make this stuff up!

http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/6...44dbfbeef5.jpg

http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/2...ee695e0iq0.jpg

http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/2...11ca0f3lf4.jpg

accuracy 24-11-2007 04:18 AM

Fw: New Aussie Party Game - "Last One Out Wins".

http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/5...oulooseka7.jpg

accuracy 26-11-2007 08:49 AM

How rumours start

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/6rsd.jpg

accuracy 26-11-2007 09:02 AM

Two People

A mother and son are walking through a cemetery, and pass by a headstone inscribed - "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man." The little boy reads the headstone, looks up at his mother, and asks "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"

accuracy 26-11-2007 09:50 AM

Subject: FW: Cascade Brewery

The General Managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania), Tooheys (New South Wales), XXXX (Queensland), CUB (Victoria) and Coopers (South Australia) were at a national beer conference.
They decide to all go to lunch together and the waitress asks what they want to drink.
The General Manager of Tooheys says without hesitation, "I'll have a Tooheys New."
The General Manager of XXXX smiles and says, "I'll have a XXXX Gold."
The General Manager of Coopers proudly says, "I'll have a Coopers, the King of Beers."
The bloke from Carlton says, "I'll have a Carlton Draught, the cleanest draught on the planet."
The General Manager from Cascade glances at his lunch mates and says, "I'll have a Diet Coke."
The others look at him like he has sprouted a new head.



He just shrugs and says, "Well if you poofters aren't drinking beer, then neither will I."

accuracy 26-11-2007 10:02 AM

My Christmas Tree

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/3...41586cebn4.jpg


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