Hi I m new here and I have a question

[Anita]

Hi I m Anita and I just listened to a video for 'beginners' ☺

Could it be that I had some level of awareness since my childhood ? 

I was such an anxious kid . It was kind of social fear I guess. At home I felt very good but going to school frightened me.

I never wanted to get someones attention and tried to be invisible. I was a smart kid. I understood most things so I didnt have to study a lot fortunately because I didnt like studying ☺ My parents were real kind and loving and thought us kids do s and dont s. Honest and respect and responsibility.

I often thought we (4 kids) were to weak to stand strong in this society. We thought everybody was like our family. But the older we got the more we started to isolate ourselves because we have had so many desillutions in every way ...

I m almost 60 now and since 6 years I had to stop working because of a severe burn out which resulted afterwards in a depression. These last 6 years I felt a heavy treath hanging over me. As I already said I had this kind of feeling all my life but now it be came really overwelming. More and more people and things that were going on in the world made me really sick. I often said joking  to my best friend : Am I an alien or are the others the alliens ? Never thought this might be the truth ...  More than ever before in my life I feel I dont belong here, I cant be happy here, I dont fit in ... 

I often ask the Universe to take me 'home' and please please never ever send me back here to this place again. 

But probably I have to stay some more time for some reason

Could someone recommend me some literature how to find out more about my 'home' ?

Would really appreciatie your reactions .

 

 

  

[Lore]

7 hours ago, Anita said:

I often ask the Universe to take me 'home' and please please never ever send me back here to this place again. 

But probably I have to stay some more time for some reason

Could someone recommend me some literature how to find out more about my 'home' ?

Would really appreciatie your reactions . 

Hi Anita, welcome to the forum

My personal view would be that yes, your awareness as a child is real, our DNA carries information from previous lives, you subconsciously remember other experiences, (some folk remember consciously). Your own view will be unique to you, but I can understand how encountering harmful intent in other people causes disillusionment and it can be very depressing. We all have different purposes, experiences and perceptions and there are probably many of us who feel we don’t fit in and wonder what we are doing here. Things were getting increasingly tense and unbearable before this year and it increasingly felt like something had to happen. Well it certainly has now! If we try to look at it from a positive perspective, seven billion of us are here for a reason; we have an opportunity to change things, in a way that has never occurred before; simply by visualising, expecting, hoping, willing, insisting and yes praying that all the harmful practices of the world are brought to light and eradicated in the near future. It might be worth sticking around to find out what we can achieve..

If you’d like a glimpse of ‘home’ though, maybe a good place to start looking is with Eben Alexander’s experience, he is a neurosurgeon who didn’t believe in the afterlife until he had a near death experience. He talks about it here:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbkgj5J91hE

 

http://ebenalexander.com/

[Anita]

Thank you so much for your reaction Lore☺ It feels good to know that many do feel like I did/do. I will go and read Eben Alexander's experience right away.

Wishing all of you love and strength x

Anita

[AXPCalledJeff]

On 8/25/2020 at 6:03 PM, Anita said:

Could someone recommend me some literature how to find out more about my 'home' ?

Would really appreciatie your reactions .

 First of all, welcome 

 

For literature I would advice you;

"Phantom Self" by David Icke, 

"The Holographic Universe" by Michael Talbot,

"Blue Blood, True Blood" by Stewart Swerdlow

 

And don't worry about feeling out of place. In the end it's not us but the world and our collective perception of the world that is distorted, I'd rather have open minded and kind hearted people like you around a while longer 

 

"On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind, it becomes a pleasure." - Oscar Wilde - 

 

[ZanderoBandero]

The words "I don't fit in" really resonate with me. All my life I've felt like i was on the outside looking in. Through school I became more and more insular always distant and feeling lost. As I moved into the workplace I became even more disenchanted until I could take no more. So I saved up my money and decided to go and find myself. I visited many countries (Kashmir, Nepal, Morocco, Ceylon to name a few) I experienced things I never knew existed, new cultures, ancient beliefs, different ways of living and although I had many wonderful moments I still felt I didn't belong or fit in. I did this for years before coming home to my family. I was a changed person and slowly my friends disappeared one by one. I experienced a severe breakdown around 20 years ago and ended up living like a hermit. I will cut a very long story short lol.... in the end what I realised was that what I'd been looking for all my life already existed within me. I started to study, practice and teach meditation and although I still see myself as alone in the world i am at peace and i accept myself as i am. I live with an open mind and open heart and try to act with kindness in all that I do. I think if we can accept who we are and experience the power of love in our hearts we won't go far wrong in life. May all beings everywhere be happy and free from suffering. Best Wishes

[Anita]

On 8/28/2020 at 9:09 AM, AXPCalledJeff said:

 First of all, welcome 

 

For literature I would advice you;

"Phantom Self" by David Icke, 

"The Holographic Universe" by Michael Talbot,

"Blue Blood, True Blood" by Stewart Swerdlow

 

And don't worry about feeling out of place. In the end it's not us but the world and our collective perception of the world that is distorted, I'd rather have open minded and kind hearted people like you around a while longer 

 

"On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind, it becomes a pleasure." - Oscar Wilde - 

 

Thank you so much Jeff for your kind respons ☺

I took note of the titels.  I look forward reading them !

[rideforever]

How to go home ?
You must surrender, to God.

There is no other way.

You must feel God, something larger than yourself, and then surrender, let go and flow into it, over and over again ... and slowly let go of this side.

Then you are home.

Of that there is no doubt.

Of that, there is no doubt.

 

[Anita]

On 8/31/2020 at 12:10 AM, ZanderoBandero said:

The words "I don't fit in" really resonate with me. All my life I've felt like i was on the outside looking in. Through school I became more and more insular always distant and feeling lost. As I moved into the workplace I became even more disenchanted until I could take no more. So I saved up my money and decided to go and find myself. I visited many countries (Kashmir, Nepal, Morocco, Ceylon to name a few) I experienced things I never knew existed, new cultures, ancient beliefs, different ways of living and although I had many wonderful moments I still felt I didn't belong or fit in. I did this for years before coming home to my family. I was a changed person and slowly my friends disappeared one by one. I experienced a severe breakdown around 20 years ago and ended up living like a hermit. I will cut a very long story short lol.... in the end what I realised was that what I'd been looking for all my life already existed within me. I started to study, practice and teach meditation and although I still see myself as alone in the world i am at peace and i accept myself as i am. I live with an open mind and open heart and try to act with kindness in all that I do. I think if we can accept who we are and experience the power of love in our hearts we won't go far wrong in life. May all beings everywhere be happy and free from suffering. Best Wishes

I m so glad for you to have found your inner peace at last !  You had to go a long road before you got there but I m sure it was worth making the journey

 

[Anita]

8 minutes ago, rideforever said:

How to go home ?
You must surrender, to God.

There is no other way.

You must feel God, something larger than yourself, and then surrender, let go and flow into it, over and over again ... and slowly let go of this side.

Then you are home.

Of that there is no doubt.

Of that, there is no doubt.

 

Thanks for the advice,  I will keep it in mind !

[Jaquiby]

Thankyou for that Anita, your definitely not alone in feeling this way. I too always felt different to others, not in an I'm better than you way just sort of distant, I knew instinctively I didn't think or feel the same way as others. I too just didn't feel I belonged here. My upbringing was as a Jehovahs witness, not nice is all I can say with a strict father and doom and gloom  24/7. I always felt like I was searching for the reason why I'm actually here. Making friends I found easy, but they made me feel more lonely. Ive been awake for a long time, never trusted governments and always thought independently. But like you, I became depressed and just couldn't see the point of it all. But I've been on a journey for a couple of years, trying to meditate and calm my mind from the incessant chatter, reading eckhart tolle The Power of Now helped me a lot. Listening to relaxing music, learning too about frequencies, energies. I think maybe we are here and awake to all this nonsense for a higher purpose, and it was meant to be this way for us, and hopefully good will come out of all this, then we can go home.

Edited September 9, 2020 by Jaquiby
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