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Fluke

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Very disheartened today with my Dr.

 

My mood has been dropping significantly (as it does), so I got in contact with my GP who is usually very supportive.

Not today though.

 

I was told to snap out of it because I've had depression before and managed to recover, so I will recover this time too.

I was told I need to get a job (I've been applying for months and no luck. Not even an interview. It's tearing me inside.) I had to leave my last job due to this illness. It was even him who supported me to doing so!

I told him this, then he told me to go and study something. Well, I have studied for years and years, I really don't want to go back to that now. My student loan is ridiculous...adding on to that would push me down further.

 

I genuinely feel defeated. Worthless. Disappointed. Lost. Confused. 

I wish I could just snap out of it.

Edited by allymisfit
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11 minutes ago, allymisfit said:

Very disheartened today with my Dr.

 

My mood has been dropping significantly (as it does), so I got in contact with my GP who is usually very supportive.

Not today though.

 

I was told to snap out of it because I've had depression before and managed to recover, so I will recover this time too.

I was told I need to get a job (I've been applying for months and no luck. Not even an interview. It's tearing me inside.) I had to leave my last job due to this illness. It was even him who supported me to doing so!

I told him this, then he told me to go and study something. Well, I have studied for years and years, I really don't want to go back to that now. My student loan is ridiculous...adding on to that would push me down further.

 

I genuinely feel defeated. Worthless. Disappointed. Lost. Confused. 

I wish I could just snap out of it.

 

Sounds like your doctor is having a bad day.. 

Try him again next week or change doctor ? 

Are you getting out of the house for a walk every day for some fresh air? 

BC 

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30 minutes ago, allymisfit said:

I genuinely feel defeated. Worthless. Disappointed. Lost. Confused. 

I wish I could just snap out of it.

 

You need to try and find something that makes you feel positive about yourself. If you do not, you will not get out of that way of thinking.

 

I know its hard if your life is bad, and there seems no way out.

 

Lots of peoples lifes never get better, and its just empty words by many who say such things to those, who have no life, and no real way of living a life.

 

But there must be something that can make you feel more positive about yourself.

 

Like just owning a pet, and looking after it, for example.

 

There are no easy answers, only you know what will make yourself feel positive about yourself. People will always be pushing useless ideas on you, trying to tell you this and that will change your life.

 

Depending on how bad your situation is, will determine if that is true.

 

I myself, have no way out of my bad situation, and never will be, so i know what you are saying. Lots of these professionals just have empty words to tell you, as they have no real way of understanding what you have gone through or are living with.

 

So, like i said, first thing you need to do is just find something, that makes you(you), feel positive about yourself. If you rely on others to do this for you, that may never come. There must be something that lifts you, that you can do.

 

I totally agree that professionals have aload of empty words. But appreciate maybe they have never been where you are, or experience what you have experienced. They assume telling you what they tell you will help, but depending on your circumstances, many times such words will make your situation worse.

 

I have no way back to society, so i know how people like you feel. I fully appreciate peoples life can be beyond there control to come back.

 

Like i said, first step you need to do is find something to do, that makes you feel good about yourself.

 

Edited by andy1033
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@allymisfit

Have you ever tried breath work to help with mood?

Basic Idea is every mood is accompanied by a type of breathing so for example shallow fast breathing with anxiety, long forced sighing exhalations with despair and depression etc etc....

 

Once it's been noted breathing exercises can be done to take control of the breath and therefore control of the mood. After a while the subtle energies that are always flowing through the body at different times can also be taken control of and manipulated.

Lots of different traditions use breathing, prana, chi call it what you like. I've always liked yoga and martial arts forms as it involves physical movement which suits me.

 

Of course it might not be for everyone but maybe worth a try. 

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26 minutes ago, Basket Case said:

 

Sounds like your doctor is having a bad day.. 

Try him again next week or change doctor ? 

Are you getting out of the house for a walk every day for some fresh air? 

BC 

Sorry, thought my message was erased so I started a new one.

Edited by allymisfit
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31 minutes ago, Basket Case said:

 

Sounds like your doctor is having a bad day.. 

Try him again next week or change doctor ? 

Are you getting out of the house for a walk every day for some fresh air? 

BC 

Hey BC (sorry, I ran out of likes :( thank you for your message )

 

I think he must have been. He's always been so supportive and more switched on than other Dr's.

 

I've got a review in a couple of weeks, I hope things improve by then.

 

I haven't been going out unfortunately. I am a bit of a state..haven't been able to bring myself to shower for a week now. Hair is like dreadlocks, totally matted. 

On top of that, major fatigue and the fear of bumping into someone who might provoke my anger. It's easily done these days...I am ashamed to say it.

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12 minutes ago, andy1033 said:

 

You need to try and find something that makes you feel positive about yourself. If you do not, you will not get out of that way of thinking.

 

I know its hard if your life is bad, and there seems no way out.

 

Lots of peoples lifes never get better, and its just empty words by many who say such things to those, who have no life, and no real way of living a life.

 

But there must be something that can make you feel more positive about yourself.

 

Like just owning a pet, and looking after it, for example.

 

There are no easy answers, only you know what will make yourself feel positive about yourself. People will always be pushing useless ideas on you, trying to tell you this and that will change your life.

 

Depending on how bad your situation is, will determine if that is true.

 

I myself, have no way out of my bad situation, and never will be, so i know what you are saying. Lots of these professionals just have empty words to tell you, as they have no real way of understanding what you have gone through or are living with.

 

So, like i said, first thing you need to do is just find something, that makes you(you), feel positive about yourself. If you rely on others to do this for you, that may never come. There must be something that lifts you, that you can do.

 

I totally agree that professionals have aload of empty words. But appreciate maybe they have never been where you are, or experience what you have experienced. They assume telling you what they tell you will help, but depending on your circumstances, many times such words will make your situation worse.

 

I have no way back to society, so i know how people like you feel. I fully appreciate peoples life can be beyond there control to come back.

 

Like i said, first step you need to do is find something to do, that makes you feel good about yourself.

 

Thank you for your message, I appreciate it.

 

I am a singer and singing is my favourite thing to do. When I get depressed, I lose all interest in music and singing. 

 

I think I might start preparing seeds for the upcoming Spring..I'll give that a bash today and see if it helps as gardening has always been another favourite of mine.

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6 minutes ago, Itsa said:

@allymisfit

Have you ever tried breath work to help with mood?

Basic Idea is every mood is accompanied by a type of breathing so for example shallow fast breathing with anxiety, long forced sighing exhalations with despair and depression etc etc....

 

Once it's been noted breathing exercises can be done to take control of the breath and therefore control of the mood. After a while the subtle energies that are always flowing through the body at different times can also be taken control of and manipulated.

Lots of different traditions use breathing, prana, chi call it what you like. I've always liked yoga and martial arts forms as it involves physical movement which suits me.

 

Of course it might not be for everyone but maybe worth a try. 

Hey :)

 

I do sometimes use these techniques.

I was hysterical this morning and my brain didn't even think to use the techniques, even though I was taking short gasps of air. 

I feel during these moments, my brain goes completely blank and I can't even remember simple things. Very odd..I need to work on this for sure.

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19 minutes ago, allymisfit said:

Hey :)

 

I do sometimes use these techniques.

I was hysterical this morning and my brain didn't even think to use the techniques, even though I was taking short gasps of air. 

I feel during these moments, my brain goes completely blank and I can't even remember simple things. Very odd..I need to work on this for sure.

Yes it's not easy.

Personally I know there is a part of me that takes comfort in depression as strange as it sounds.

That's not good though as its not always so easy to get back out so it's good to try and keep that awareness of what's going on and the positive and negative influences on your consciousness and restrict the negative as far as is possible.

 

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7 hours ago, allymisfit said:

My mood has been dropping significantly (as it does), so I got in contact with my GP who is usually very supportive.

Not today though.

 

I was told to snap out of it because I've had depression before and managed to recover, so I will recover this time too.

I was told I need to get a job (I've been applying for months and no luck. Not even an interview. It's tearing me inside.) I had to leave my last job due to this illness. It was even him who supported me to doing so!

I told him this, then he told me to go and study something. Well, I have studied for years and years, I really don't want to go back to that now. My student loan is ridiculous...adding on to that would push me down further.

 

I genuinely feel defeated. Worthless. Disappointed. Lost. Confused. 

I wish I could just snap out of it.

Sorry to hear this ally. Are you taking any supplements, (D, B, fish oil, and also worth checking iron levels. Make sure they don't interact with any meds you may be on. 

 

To be honest my dealings with the mental health service in the uk has been nothing short of disgusting. And its not looking like its going to get any better. 

 

I can kind of relate to being out of work. I have been jobless for a year, just labouring now and then for a friend. Its been my longest stint. Also living with my mum still. Its pretty bleak. Routine is quite important even if its leisure like singing or doing something creative. Its nice not to be orderly and do what we like but after a couple of days, and without any routine it can turn pretty dark pretty quickly. 

 

I am looking into volunteering for some animal charities at the moment even if it means wearing the gimp mask. 

 

Also please try and force yourself to have a shower. It will make you feel fresher and is quite vital for us. But i know it isn't easy. Daylight used to be my enemy when in a bout of depression. I think it has a spiritual component. For instance i always shower in the morning or evening. But last night aftwr having an almighty row with a relative i showered at 10pm to get the energy off me. 

 

Baby steps even if it means having a to do list. Once the evening comes you will feel like you have achieved something. 

 

 

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7 hours ago, allymisfit said:

Very disheartened today with my Dr.

 

My mood has been dropping significantly (as it does), so I got in contact with my GP who is usually very supportive.

Not today though.

 

I was told to snap out of it because I've had depression before and managed to recover, so I will recover this time too.

I was told I need to get a job (I've been applying for months and no luck. Not even an interview. It's tearing me inside.) I had to leave my last job due to this illness. It was even him who supported me to doing so!

I told him this, then he told me to go and study something. Well, I have studied for years and years, I really don't want to go back to that now. My student loan is ridiculous...adding on to that would push me down further.

 

I genuinely feel defeated. Worthless. Disappointed. Lost. Confused. 

I wish I could just snap out of it.

 

Have you checked your sources of potential fluoride exposure? Much wider array of sources than most people think.

 

http://fluoridealert.org/issues/sources/

 

Could be effecting your thyroid. Worth investigating.

 

http://fluoridealert.org/issues/health/thyroid/

 

Just a thought.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I've felt an impending doom last few days. Perhaps I am coming to the realisation of the full magnitude and that I might not make this out. I have no resources and I'm not taking a vaccine. That sense of powerlessness isn't an easy feeling. 

 

Maybe it's the full moon this weekend. Perhaps others feel the darkness shift. A drop in morale. 

 

Its soul destroying seeing so many get more paranoid this year. Almost like the majority seem possessed. And I am intimidated by what the elite plan to do next. The passports and surveillance is enough to make me feel sick for the future. 

 

I hate the people that have gone along with this. 

 

That's just how I feel. Hatred at the moment. Weak spineless retards. 

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57 minutes ago, Fluke said:

I've felt an impending doom last few days. Perhaps I am coming to the realisation of the full magnitude and that I might not make this out. I have no resources and I'm not taking a vaccine. That sense of powerlessness isn't an easy feeling. 

 

Maybe it's the full moon this weekend. Perhaps others feel the darkness shift. A drop in morale. 

 

Its soul destroying seeing so many get more paranoid this year. Almost like the majority seem possessed. And I am intimidated by what the elite plan to do next. The passports and surveillance is enough to make me feel sick for the future. 

 

I hate the people that have gone along with this. 

 

That's just how I feel. Hatred at the moment. Weak spineless retards. 

bro I feel you don't, hate nothing ever, its self destructive to your soul. major dislike okay. now I find if I meditate concentrate on my breathing it helps immensely, if you look at history you can see a pattern cause as much fracturing as possible, by creating fear amongst the general populace. analogy create a war kill millions completely trash society. install your ideologies, turn people against each other with the us or them mentality. that's exactly what these fuckers are doing now to the whole planet. when you walk in the dark (depression) believe it or not you are learning pain and suffering which if use correctly will teach compassion. I am NOT giving you sound bites I've been there and understand full well, and periodically experience my down mode ( I am bipolar) so know full well the pit falls. yes you are right they are crippled with fear, try not to hate them bro they need compassion and understanding. they are walking their path you are walking yours, and all paths lead to the same place my friend.

 

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1 hour ago, Fluke said:

I've felt an impending doom last few days. Perhaps I am coming to the realisation of the full magnitude and that I might not make this out. I have no resources and I'm not taking a vaccine. That sense of powerlessness isn't an easy feeling. 

 

Maybe it's the full moon this weekend. Perhaps others feel the darkness shift. A drop in morale. 

 

Its soul destroying seeing so many get more paranoid this year. Almost like the majority seem possessed. And I am intimidated by what the elite plan to do next. The passports and surveillance is enough to make me feel sick for the future. 

 

I hate the people that have gone along with this. 

 

That's just how I feel. Hatred at the moment. Weak spineless retards. 

 

 I was feeling this exact same way when I saw your post. That probably isn't an accident. I strongly relate. I feel furious rage just now, and it's mixed in with hopelessness. There are many aspects to it, although the bleakness of what could be in front of us plays a large part. Like yourself I resent the people who just go whatever way the wind blows, because we're actually being held to ransom by their acquiescence. 

 

Either way, try not to feel ashamed of the rage, resentment, bitterness and despair. As difficult as those feelings are to get through, it's important to remember that you're not the only one feeling them. It's easy to feel ashamed when you resent your fellow human beings, but we are in an absolutely insane situation right now. That makes everything you are experiencing emotionally completely understandable.

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4 minutes ago, karmaxxxx said:

bro I feel you don't, hate nothing ever, its self destructive to your soul. major dislike okay.

 

 

This is patronizing. D'you know what's worse than feeling hatred? Suppressing hatred and then shaming yourself for feeling it in the first place.

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59 minutes ago, Ethel said:

 

This is patronizing. D'you know what's worse than feeling hatred? Suppressing hatred and then shaming yourself for feeling it in the first place.

no its not patronising  nor my intention to do that, and I actually know how destructive hatred can be, do you? so try to help my fellow forum user and you come in all indignated trying to belittle what I said. hatred eats and rots the soul dude.

every soul on this planet is an aspect of the universe, so to hate another is to hate yourself! though I do not like what's happening I try to show understanding and compassion. so if you are honestly coming in good intentions try at least to quote all what I said not a little bit of it please. and in all honesty if FLUKE  felt it was patronising I am sure he would tell me to be honest. I think you may have mis-read my intention bro and I wish you well kind regards

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13 hours ago, karmaxxxx said:

no its not patronising  nor my intention to do that, and I actually know how destructive hatred can be, do you? so try to help my fellow forum user and you come in all indignated trying to belittle what I said. hatred eats and rots the soul dude.

every soul on this planet is an aspect of the universe, so to hate another is to hate yourself! though I do not like what's happening I try to show understanding and compassion. so if you are honestly coming in good intentions try at least to quote all what I said not a little bit of it please. and in all honesty if FLUKE  felt it was patronising I am sure he would tell me to be honest. I think you may have mis-read my intention bro and I wish you well kind regards

 

I do understand emotions, I understand that if you suppress an emotion, it buries into your unconscious mind. You shamed the emotion and belittled it, believing that there is never any justification for it. That is a lie.

 

Tell someone who has had a child abducted and killed that they have no right to feel hatred. Tell someone like myself who was severely abused as a child that they have no right to feel hatred. You think you know more than you do. My way is better:

 

When you feel hatred, acknowledge it, acknowledge it's limitation, realize it masks hurt, and don't shame it. Take the feeling as a part of yourself. This integrates it. I know I am right, I have no further need to argue with you.

Edited by Ethel
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On 2/5/2021 at 11:13 AM, allymisfit said:

Very disheartened today with my Dr.

 

My mood has been dropping significantly (as it does), so I got in contact with my GP who is usually very supportive.

Not today though.

 

I was told to snap out of it because I've had depression before and managed to recover, so I will recover this time too.

I was told I need to get a job (I've been applying for months and no luck. Not even an interview. It's tearing me inside.) I had to leave my last job due to this illness. It was even him who supported me to doing so!

I told him this, then he told me to go and study something. Well, I have studied for years and years, I really don't want to go back to that now. My student loan is ridiculous...adding on to that would push me down further.

 

I genuinely feel defeated. Worthless. Disappointed. Lost. Confused. 

I wish I could just snap out of it.

I'm sorry you experienced this.

 

I came on this thread as I've been struggling like a lot of us. Don't be hard on yourself. Seriously.

 

What these people are doing has been trialled, researched and tested. They know exactly what locking people up does. Especially those who value freedom and autonomy.

 

All I can say is to keep going. My faith (I know not everyone believes in God) is what's keeping me going this year. It's hard. I've recently had a CT scan for a stroke or tumor which to me is all down to stress with everything going on (there's a lot going on with my dad and grandmother in the family) and now I have tinnitus. You just got to keep going.

 

Talk to people on here. Go for a walk in nature. Switch off the TV. Read. Do what makes you feel good...and human. Something as simple as a hot soak...just be good to yourself. And never give up.

 

 

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On 3/3/2021 at 6:41 AM, Ethel said:

 

I do understand emotions, I understand that if you suppress an emotion, it buries into your unconscious mind. You shamed the emotion and belittled it, believing that there is never any justification for it. That is a lie.

 

Tell someone who has had a child abducted and killed that they have no right to feel hatred. Tell someone like myself who was severely abused as a child that they have no right to feel hatred. You think you know more than you do. My way is better:

 

When you feel hatred, acknowledge it, acknowledge it's limitation, realize it masks hurt, and don't shame it. Take the feeling as a part of yourself. This integrates it. I know I am right, I have no further need to argue with you.

we live in imperialist  criminal symphony conducted by an evil , and through its crimes and dictates evil empire maintains  power ,  gets wealth and further  feeds evil  ego by creating criminal environments and commiting crimes   ,  after  every commited evil  crimes , evil fingerpoints to other side and psychopathologically  manipulates media and news and  acusses victims , that way they interrupt , moneypulate and corrupt victims posibility  to  fight for justice   , evil corrupts , spins lies and censors the truth to hide evil crimes  ,  victims end up being accussed  for hatred but that hatred is  truth witness  and its selfdefence weapon victims have against commited crimes by  imperialist evil criminal mentality environment genetics  ,  its criminal  dictate  imperialist evil oligarchy egopsychopathology which wears a true mask ( like a fallen  caesars aroman empire venetian oligarchy mask) and after its commited crimes evil looks for next victim , and hidden behind a mask evil keeps advertising evil empire and its  luciferian noble concern for love , friendship , security and peace  , just like savilian philantropic  humanitarian work  creates ambient to get to next victim . Its a criminogenetics of united slaveowners  union evil empire spiders web , and humanity is caught in it .

 

 

 

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On 3/2/2021 at 5:38 PM, Fluke said:

I've felt an impending doom last few days. Perhaps I am coming to the realisation of the full magnitude and that I might not make this out. I have no resources and I'm not taking a vaccine. That sense of powerlessness isn't an easy feeling. 

 

Maybe it's the full moon this weekend. Perhaps others feel the darkness shift. A drop in morale. 

 

Its soul destroying seeing so many get more paranoid this year. Almost like the majority seem possessed. And I am intimidated by what the elite plan to do next. The passports and surveillance is enough to make me feel sick for the future. 

 

I hate the people that have gone along with this. 

 

That's just how I feel. Hatred at the moment. Weak spineless retards. 

 

 

Just wanted to ask...have you tried taking Magnesium? Either Magnesium BisGlycinate or Magnesium Taureate. The reason I mention this is that I have experienced the feelings of impending doom and its quite nasty. I used to get it in the mornings when I woke up... but it seems to stay at bay when I take the Magnesium. I also eat certain nuts for the selenium and just bought some chewies for the zinc. These help a lot.

 

As I've said on here before...my mum died almost a year ago now, in 2 weeks time. So the loss has added to this rollercoaster of the past year.  Safe to say no matter how much we use humour, sometimes we need to let it heat up inside,sweat it out and pick ourselves up like phoenixes, not always easy I know.

 

But maybe try the Magnesium ( the types i mentioned) it is good for mood and health and also good when you need a natural sleep as it relaxes you.

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@BeaujanglesI am extremely sorry to hear this Beaujangles. I have never lost someone that close before so I can only imagine what that is like my friend. 

 

Thankyou and I am taking fish oils, magnesium, B vitamin, and funnily enough I tried selinium a few years ago and it did help noticeably. I might have to try and sort my nutrition out or purchase some more. 

 

Thanks for the reply. :)

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Been pretty low last couple of weeks. Like a dark cloud is over me. Dark energt. No energy mentally or physically. Angry and no rapport with people. 

 

Why do i tell people close to me my plans and then get the piss taken out of me to humiliate and be passive aggeessive to me..

 

Trying to humiliate me when i know what i am doing is right. Fed up of it. 

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And then i have a decent conversation to start with i mention the great reset, he agrees i called this shamdemic from the start health passports etc. I told him then the reason i predicted this stuff to begin with is because i had the self respect to actually read the documents published in the public domain. I then mentioned economic forum. "I havent got time to listen or read what they say". 

 

He then says we will see if the electorate decide what the outcome is.... i said you still gonna vote though aint ya. They aren't pulling the strings, the scientists and ngos are. 

 

It hasn't sank in with people whats happening has it?

 

I then drove my 24 year old brother home and he says "i dont care about the covid thing and i never will". I said so you dont care about all the children and elderly that were murdered? In a sulky childish manner. "Nope". Passive aggressive twat. 

 

But at least he was honest. I think he speaks for a lot of 24 year olds to be honest. At least he admits it. 

 

Alan Watt got it right when he said it hurts realising most people dont care about things and it is a shock to realise. Perhaps that is the ultimate 'black pill'. I have said previously i have accepted that now but i obviously have not let go of that completely. I need to learn to shut my mouth. 

 

Perhaps my paranoir is kicking in but when you notice you are being snubbed by your tribe and you dont know why it hurts. And your mind starts going. 

 

I've been buying bits of gold and silver. And been stocking up on food. Guess what i get for that? I get laughed at. My dad says yeah you need to stop that ray mears nonsense. Ray mears? What the fuck. So because i am putting a through tins aside and investing in cleaning products and tinned food, pantry etc, and trying to take positive action i get lambasted for it? 

 

I could have a  steak at the end of the year to get on the property. And buying gold is a rich mans game. Spending a bit of spare credit on some precious metals doesnt seem to be a bad insurance plan. 

 

But obviously i am an idiot. 

 

Not playing the victim just ranting. I dont have any mates or have facebook anymore. I literally have no friends and i try and have a conversation with family and they just see me as a joke. Maybe i am. I havent got a clue. 

 

But im trying. 

 

And i told them they are going to try and kill us. I wish we were still in the days of me getting called spooky mulder. I quite liked the friendly grilling banter i received and i can have a laugh about myself. 

 

But i looked in to his eyes tonight and i said this is serious shit. Genocide is here. 

 

Oh well. I'll never learn.

 

Keep my mouth shut for now on and have mental dialogues in my head. 

 

 

 

 

 

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