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(much needed) HUMOUR THREAD


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38 minutes ago, sickofallthebollocks said:

sorry ✋:classic_smile: -didn't mean to de-rail the humour thread. (I know I have again by typing this) curiosity got the better of me, please delete this mods if u need to.

No I thought screaming was joking. But been here long enough to know they wouldn't joke about that. My bad x apologies 

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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, kj35 said:

No I thought screaming was joking. But been here long enough to know they wouldn't joke about that. My bad x apologies 

Ahhh, no worries kj, I didn't mind at all apologising for de-railing the thread a little -  I actually thought you had a good point anyway buddy.  ? 
(I don't know about Mr A, know he's an experienced member here with huge post reactions, and very  surprised he's been banned?
(I'm out of forum reactions - already)-   but thanks for the reply ?

Edited by sickofallthebollocks
my crappy spelling/punctuation
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Posted (edited)

Man goes to the doctors. "Doctor" he says, "every time I go for a shit, it comes out shaped like chips". Doctor makes him undress, makes a few hmm noises and sends him home. The bloke comes back a week later and says, "doctor, the problem is solved. What did you do?" The doctor replies "I cut six inches off your string vest."

 

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotized seven blokes then he tripped over the microphone wire and yelled "fuck me!" What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.

 

I was having a smoke outside the pub last night and this guy in a wheelchair said to me "why do you smoke when you don't have to?" I looked at him and asked " why the fuck are you wearing shoes?"

 

The wife has been missing a week now.. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

 

I’ve just got a Jehovah Witness advent calendar. Every time you open a door, someone tells you to fuck off.

Edited by Nemuri Kyoshiro
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It's been about six months since my mother in law spoke to me, she's still sulking over a little incident that happened between us and she just won't forget it!

All this unpleasantness because I never held the car door open for her, I'll be honest here and admit I panicked and tried to swim to the surface, and for some reason, she took offence!:classic_blush:

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Barman walks up to a fellow with his face in his hands crying , whats up mate said the barman ,it's hard to loose your wife said the bloke ,the barman replied ,yeah I know ,it's dam near impossible

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The woman who apparently came up with this doorstep clapping bollocks is a Dutch national living in South London, called Ms Annmarie Plas, single mother of one!

Imagine the kid growing up and being reminded all the time that ' In 2020 it was your mommy who gave a large percentage of Britain the clap'!  :classic_biggrin::classic_blush: What a monument to family values that will be! Obviously she is another stooge set up by the real rulers and their underlings.

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I used to listen to Steve Penk on the radio back in the day. The one at 13:46 was a short one but he played it on a few people. He managed to drag one out for about 5 minutes and the bloke at the end of it went ballistic and slammed the phone down ?

 

 

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On 6/8/2020 at 12:11 PM, Steven Tansell said:

The woman who apparently came up with this doorstep clapping bollocks is a Dutch national living in South London, called Ms Annmarie Plas, single mother of one!

Imagine the kid growing up and being reminded all the time that ' In 2020 it was your mommy who gave a large percentage of Britain the clap'!  :classic_biggrin::classic_blush: What a monument to family values that will be! Obviously she is another stooge set up by the real rulers and their underlings.

The clapping started elsewhere, it has Tavistock written all over it so I doubt that story. Good joke though. :)

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