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(much needed) HUMOUR THREAD

Basket Case

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I went into a large bottle shop today and they have spots on the ground with please stand here written on them  1.5 mt apart, the only problem was they were every where,  all around the multiple checkouts and up each isle , and yes I made a point of not standing on any of them  . After paying for the plonk  the woman said have a nice , to which I replied I'm not coming back here again ,I wish you lot would make up your mind as I find this shop very confusing , where is it exactly  you want me to stand, at the moment you give every one that comes in at least 3 dozen choices . At which point I walked out

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On 6/5/2020 at 6:30 PM, Leapy said:

Is this photo American Police Riot practice? 


riot pratice.jpg

are these people serious ,what bureaucratic idiot comes up with this shit , I can just imagine them all sitting around in their air coned office , then suddenly one pipes up and says ,I know we will get the police to kneel down on one knee , that will make all the black people happy, until we kill a few more off, then we will have to think of something different. Brilliant idea Jim Bob,now where are we going for lunch

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A black man walks into the doctors office and says ,I wish to become a Jew, the quack says it's possible but it will take surgery and we will have to remove 20% of your brain . That's OK said the fellow as I really want to become a Jew.

The next day he goes in for surgery and in the recovery room ,as he is waking up he sees the doctor leaning over him with a worried look. The quack says to him sorry but during surgery we had some very bad complications and we had to remove 50% of your brain, the fellow looks up a the doctor and says no worries ,she'll be right mate

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Here is a very sexist joke for blokes my age , if you are easily offended ,stiff shit  don't read it

A fellow has a sex change done and a doco is made about it, so he has to do the rounds to promote the film

On a radio show the interviewer gets down to the nitty gritty.

The interviewee said,  the first surgery was a relative breeze ,there was not much pain, the recovery time was short and I really enjoyed having new breasts

The second surgery was a great deal worse ,where my old fella was changed into a vagina the procedure was extremely painful and the recovery time was a great deal longer , but now every thing is OK and I'm very happy but the next lot of surgery in a few days to complete the transition  is supposed to be the worst.

The interviewer had a confused looked on his face and said ,I was under the impression that the last surgery was the finish of it all, oh no , this is the one where they stretch my mouth and remove part of my brain

( right now I have pissed off half the population)

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10 minutes ago, sickofallthebollocks said:

sorry ✋:classic_smile: -didn't mean to de-rail the humour thread. (I know I have again by typing this) curiosity got the better of me, please delete this mods if u need to.

My thread.
No problem with anyone asking questions :classic_wink: 

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