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A HUMOUR THREAD


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4 hours ago, Mr Crabtree said:

One of the bakery workers in Asda was electrocuted some time back, someone dropped a bun on the floor, he trod on it, and was quite shocked when the currant ran up his leg and killed him! 🫣 His wife had to identify the body, but refused to believe it was him because she told the the mortuary staff that 'he's never had curly hair in his life'!🤔

 

I dabbled a lot in electronics in the 'good old days.' It was so easy to make stuff back then, in the mists of time. I once grabbed 3 wires, set one aside and Bingo! ... I had a wire-less that I could listen to Luxembourg and Caroline on in the early hours with me old crystal lugpiece.

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My mate has just returned from Britain's Got Talent.

 

He looked a bit pissed off, so I asked if he'd been successful. He said 'Nah. When I got on stage the place was buzzing, but unfortunately most of it was coming from the judges!'

 

 

 

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UPDATE TO THE ALIEN / ENGLISH LANGUAGE COURSE 2024.

 

When landing on planet earth one must say to the nearest Human { usually a hillbilly} 'TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER'!

However, and this is very important, when landing in Brighton, one must change this greeting to 'TAKE ME TO YOUR DEALER'! 

download-2024-06-01T134826_497.jpg.7f04e3c216aa9ee39e68ac7b50bd13cd.jpg

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, DaleP said:

  

 

That's never been proved mate, HIS Mommy settled HIS charges with millions of quid of OUR money, and you know what? I don't mind that, look at his little chubby, cherubic face, does that say 'NONCE' to you, no of course not, he's  pure as the driven snow!👍

download-2024-06-03T152405_975.jpg.056a6efc21806ca90190915ec5433aa6.jpg

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On 6/1/2024 at 6:19 PM, Mr Crabtree said:

The builder working opposite my house brought his dog today!

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He is not a builder the bloke is obviously a plumber 

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, webtrekker said:

Actually, I was just about to post a joke about an airliner, but decided against it as I thought it would be over your heads.

 

 

 

I saw Heather Mills on a plane about two years ago, she wasn't flying anywhere though, she was just taking a couple of mil off her wooden leg before brushing on the Cuprinol!🤫 The first night McCartney slept with her he said 'Heather, where's your other leg'? She replied 'over there on the dressing table'! He said 'for fuck sake Heather you don't need to open them that wide'!🫣 When they split up she mentioned moving to Australia, he said 'why the fuck would they want a one legged gold digger'?

There was a lot of speculation about whether or not McCartney would ever marry again? One lady reporter asked him outright 'Sir Paul, would you ever go down on one knee again in the future'! He replied 'No, and please have a bit of respect and call her Heather'!

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Edited by Mr Crabtree
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