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A HUMOUR THREAD


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19 hours ago, Frankieboy said:

After reading Socrates Quotes

 

I asked my Boss 

 

„ Do you know you know nothing!?!“

 

cheeky bugger gave me the sack!

I've had to leave several jobs in the past through illness, the boss's usually got sick of me!🥴 One Friday afternoon the  boss said 'I'm going to give you the D.C.M., it's on my desk right now, come on in the office'! I thought I was well liked there to be handed a Distinguished Conduct Medal👍 unfortunately it turned out to be a letter saying Don't Come Monday!🥴 I went for an interview for another job and the manager said 'As for pay, I'll pay you what you're worth, how's that suit you'? I walked out of the interview there and then, I just couldn't manage on that sort of crap wage! I've worked in a shoe shop taking the Hush Puppies for a walk,  a clock factory, cleaning the bird shit out of the cuckoo clocks, a shammy leather wringer outer for a one armed window cleaner! I've worked on a massive concrete mixer gang on a building site, I left there because my wife didn't like the people I was mixing with!🥴 I went to B+Q for a job and was looking around the garden section, a worker said d'yer want deckin' mate'? So I hit him first, and obviously I never got that job either!🫣

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12 hours ago, Mr Crabtree said:

I've had to leave several jobs in the past through illness, the boss's usually got sick of me!🥴 One Friday afternoon the  boss said 'I'm going to give you the D.C.M., it's on my desk right now, come on in the office'! I thought I was well liked there to be handed a Distinguished Conduct Medal👍 unfortunately it turned out to be a letter saying Don't Come Monday!🥴 I went for an interview for another job and the manager said 'As for pay, I'll pay you what you're worth, how's that suit you'? I walked out of the interview there and then, I just couldn't manage on that sort of crap wage! I've worked in a shoe shop taking the Hush Puppies for a walk,  a clock factory, cleaning the bird shit out of the cuckoo clocks, a shammy leather wringer outer for a one armed window cleaner! I've worked on a massive concrete mixer gang on a building site, I left there because my wife didn't like the people I was mixing with!🥴 I went to B+Q for a job and was looking around the garden section, a worker said d'yer want deckin' mate'? So I hit him first, and obviously I never got that job either!🫣

This one was funny, 🤭but never meant to be🤔, I worked at British Leyland in Longbridge Birmingham, sadly gone a long time ago now. I spent more time in the foreman's office than his desk did! I got back to work five minutes later than the dinner break ended in the office I had to go = Stan the foreman 'where have you been'? Me='I've been to get my hair cut at the barbers around the corner, next to the cafe,  just past our carpark'!  Stan= 'what ? in works time'? Me = 'well why not? it grows in works time'!  Stan= 'well, it doesn't all grown in works time, does it'? Me= 'no, but I never had it all cut did I' ? I think I got docked a quarter of an hour for that one!🥴

Another one was when Stan called me into his office and asked me why I only worked four day's a week?🤔I told him I'd tried really hard in the past, but, I just couldn't manage on the money for working three days a week! That was in the days of 'Red Robbo' { Derek Robinson}and the union had some good shop stewards! I was there when the Government sent in that little South African shit Michael Edwardes to break up the unions and he was chairman of the company from 1977=1982, for his 'sterling work' the queen 'goat-legged lizzy'  Knighted him in 1977 in the birthday honours list to become 'Sir' Michael Edwardes'!😪 There were rumours that during the war they made bombers, and the first one that flew over Germany opened it's bomb doors and half the nightshift fell out, still clutching their pillows and blankets!🤫

Edited by Mr Crabtree
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A joke I heard the other day!

A man said to his wife, 'I'm off to the shops, can I get you anything'? 🤔She said 'no, but you could call at the chemist and get some of those special pills that liven you up and make you fancy sleeping with me again'! He said 'O.K.'👍 An hour later he was back and handed her a box of pills, she looked and said 'What the fuck? these are diet pills'!🤔

He said 'EXACTLY'!👍 

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