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A HUMOUR THREAD


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On 1/21/2023 at 11:09 PM, webtrekker said:

 

 

As if we haven't enough to worry about bloody TikTok is now telling me I am supposed to WASH my jamas! Whatever next! Underpants? Socks? Body? ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I was on the Brighton and Hove Environmental Services Pest Control Team a  very posh, and very shapely lady opened the front door in her skimpy nightie, I thought 'Wow, now THAT is a strange place to have a door'!1339398973_images(3).jpg.d65ab3380aee4401d6f1034a65c35256.jpgWhilst I'm about it, a man knocked the front door and the lady of the house who was drying herself after a shower said 'who is it'? The man shouted through the letter box 'It's just the blind man madam' She thought 'O.K. he won't know I'm naked then' and opened the door, to a man with a smile as big as Rishi Sunak's bank account who said her 'good morning madam, where do you want me to put these blinds'?

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4 hours ago, Mr Crabtree said:

They have plans to expand their business, so, they could Be-Heading your way soon say's proprietor 'Jihadi John'! You have been warned!

 

4 hours ago, Mr Crabtree said:

They have plans to expand their business, so, they could Be-Heading your way soon say's proprietor 'Jihadi John'! You have been warned! they are headless, but you can view the heads if you put in a request to their head office!, ring up and ask to speak to the head men  Mr Noggin or his head honcho Mr Bonce!

 

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Whatever happened to white dogshit? When I was a kid it was a favourite pastime, walk up to a pile of the stuff, give it a hefty kick, and it would dissolve into a white cloud

{ usually all over your plimsoll }!download.jpg.902af0e0a1e2dbd0a6ac12f67d012bd6.jpg

 

 

Anyone remember the rope thrown over the arm of the old fashioned lamp post, and an old bike tyre tied to it as a seat? Knocking people's doors then running off? They still do that today, only now it's called Parcelforce! Long walks in the countryside with your mates, and a few slices of dry bread and a bottle of water was your 'picnic' Maybe a bit of dripping or lard smeared onto the bread if you were lucky, Jam was a rare luxury in those days! You'd all sit on a fallen tree trunk or canalside bank, eat your bread and pass the water along to the next kid after taking a deep swig yourself! By the time it reached the last kid it had turned into a stodgy bread soup with hardly any water content left! Then someone would be picked to go and knock on a cottage door and ask if they could top the bottle up with fresh water please?

Several times we've been lucky and ended up with a freshly baked cake each, or even an apple or a pear each! Nobody wanted to carry the bottle, but everyone expect to be able to drink from it! Me and the kid next door had an old bike that we shared, and we'd take turns riding it whilst the other one held onto the saddle and ran alongside whoever was riding it! We all clubbed together on a Saturday morning to buy one ticket to the 'chum's club' at the local Plaza cinema, then someone would get the ticket and let the rest of us in through the emergency exit door in the gent's toilets! It was funny how one ticket could fill the entire back row of seats with eager young lads waiting to see Flash Gordon, Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, Batman, Zorro, etc. I personally loved 'The Bowery Boys' and Abbott and Costello, and when Roy Rogers sang to Dale Evans I could feel my tears welling up! I didn't know back then of course, that my hero Roy was a 32nd degree freemason, and his mate John Wayne was also a 32nd degree freemason too!

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First we were told to be worried about Monkey Pox, and now they've upped the ante to, wait for it, =SQUIRREL POX, it's now in Dumfries and Galloway! I can't wait for Tortoise Pox, if you see a tortoise coming towards you, you only have two hours to run away and avoid catching Tortoise Pox, you have been warned!

2103270476_download(3).jpg.eb6fa0cb102941f0c5b129852d3f960b.jpg1472446430_download(4).jpg.911dd7dfcedd373bf494f829a7325543.jpgTwo hours to run away? that's what you think SUCKER! 

Parliament is meeting to discuss this latest threat following on from the Monkey Pox scare!

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Edited by Mr Crabtree
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