Mr Crabtree Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 12 hours ago, legion said: Trump - Draining the Deep State That's a weird set of bagpipes yo have there Donald, or, are you trying to blow up that light blue balloon the other feller has swallowed? A bit of advice to the other 'gentleman' 'if you don't keep it as clean as a whistle, you'll never get it blown'! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdvaitaV Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 And another thing.... I'm sick of this "toxic masculinity" crap! What about "toxic femininity"? Take a break from playing the harp and violin, luv, and consider just what utter bullshit men get put through by the high-pitched societal victim-whiners... You've turned men into woke, Pringle-sweatshirted living Ken dolls devoid of balls while expecting us to suppress truth just to keep your fragile egos intact. Some of us are sick of it! Why should we have to look at a sixteen stone wife (probably a "life partner" these days) and pretend they don't look like lard in a bin liner just to protect their ego?! Why should WE be encouraged to be mini Beckhams or encouraged to groom ourselves to look like that twat off Gavin and Stacey (FFS!) while we watch a size eight fun-loving, bon vivant belle that we married turn into a soap-watching, public whale-tailin whale? The impression is given that for too long women have dutifully put out for the husband. Well let me tell you wenches that few are the men who aren't closing their eyes and thinking of LIz Taylor during Friday night boom-boom time! We don't get drunk and horny for you, we get horny for you because we're drunk and the drunker we get the better you look. So stop injecting toxic crap into your lips to look like a domestic abuse victim just because a toxic human caricature on TV inspired you (also toxic femininity) and blaming our problems on us! If you find Gavin and Stacey or Rosie Jones funny, Kim Kardashian aatractive or feminism inteligent, that's your delusion. Is it any wonder so many men seek solace in porn? Off to watch The Ruling Class with Peter O'Toole, one of the dozen films actually worth seeing in your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 On 11/20/2022 at 1:18 PM, Fluke said: Someone down here in Brighton asked me 'Was you really born up Norf'? I said 'yes' and they actually asked 'WHY'? And I replied 'cos I wanted ter be near me muvver at the time'! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 Fart sounds - yes very basic, but some of these ones sound truly wet. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 On 12/3/2022 at 12:04 PM, peter said: These are brilliant Peter! So well done, she's a very talented woman (in every way) Keep firing Humour at these c**ts they can't take that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 Absoloot fookin qualiteh I tell thee!............. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 1 hour ago, sickofallthebollocks said: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Certified Green of Heart Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, sickofallthebollocks said: Everything wRong like Fu Lan Gong and Shu May Long. and sooo must be improvised by stangers to the others language in a dialogue construed by knowingly being misunderstood at each sequential turn and rebuff.... as each will know by ANGER FILLED feeling of each personna being misunderstood, this is a strange but unifying experience, SO OKAY LET'S GO OLD MAN.... OLD DOG..... HOLD YOUR HORSES FAST TALKING GUY...... YU IMPATIENT!!!! So it is thus.....an amalgam of thought, stranger than any tradition, in fact it is a common ice-breaking technique among cultures, so let's embrace it from both side of the crusty left to the maladapted right.... but to avoid physical bouts of physical contact, let me just whip out a nugget that wupping ass is not available in cans (nor on a butt-kiss platter) in the poor communist community (bypassing knowledge of this to the fast talking guy, so I mean except for monks who have them stored from millenia ago by which I greatly admire their frugal foresightedness in surviving the bleak winter of "future now").... I (as the casual observer to such a scenario, will nevertheless be about my business, and have one lucky lottery "can" (of wup_) placed in my local food bank ready to be exported SECOND CLASS (but for good people it is FIRST CLASS Every Time),,, and hope the anger inside it --- The Unexplained Phenomena Making Men Want To Fight --- expires before predicting any fight outcome between fast talking guy and kung fu master sage! Good food contains a lot of wup ass and if chosen the getup to get involved in a fight or verbal slanging shenanigan, yet MY RULE IS observing the furore=}} the "food for fight" food, cannot reach you UNTIL THE ANGER DIES, so let it reach late, yeah late on your plate for the misbehaving....HA, I AM SO KIND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!... but the essence of which is to learn how to become a sage first, SO WHICH COMES FIRST, THE FOOD OR THE FIGHT?? are they non compatible? or did someone not look close enough at the wisdom being said?.... To do either one, one must eat....But remember this... Before reacting to the energy inside... one must be wise enough not to unleash that energy until directed in the proper manner even when survival appears to be threatened. (not to fight until fighting the hunger of angry fast talking man) .... Then Fight again.... Still fighting for the Justice of whomever has nothing to eat. Hey you fight like dog, Sorry, dog is off the menu, are Yu crazy my friend, I came all this way and you have NO DOG TO EAT?? Yes, now you understand, neither a dog fight or to eat dog is justified, so let's just eat my friend.... Huhh??? Where is the food?? Tell me where is the food....I AM LOSING MY PATIENCE (yet again) OLD MAN!!!!! <SAGACIOUS ONE,..hmmmm I almost speak before I think....Oh I am Sage, YES... Now to rude man he speak aloud again-}}} YOUUUU speak RUDE to mel (Ok ok, I'll show him)...... Don't WOOOOOOOOORRY It is coming my friend, but too late you have already attempted *and failed* to kick my ass in getting your recompense for ANGER, AND THAT has misguided your direction.... What we shall say as in the rest is history....Fu Lan Gong.... Namasté..... Eat in Peace, not in a place of fighting please.... Thank Yuuuuuuuu. Alsoooooooo....Yuuuuuuuuu see now say "I"...... <other>I see you said, say what?.... "I" saaaaay as SAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGE I saaaay to You, Pay ATTENTION because Your fast talking means I have to talk more quickly to take back my words I say to dis-avow your mean temperament!! At this rate you will exhaust both of us!! and intonation is important.... PLEASE speak more slowly ..... <other> OK OK, if I can speak more slowly, you teach meeeeeeeeee tai chiiiii... DEAL ???? Alsoooooo , <SAGE> again.... No food fighting in the Temple please or I may hit your in your temple head, ha just kidding.... Enjoy your can of supplementary Wup Ass Noodles stranger! Edited December 8, 2022 by Certified Green of Heart Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 (edited) I chased a big lorry along Brighton seafront for about 3/4 of a mile tonight, I was sounding my horn, flashing my lights and shouting through the window eventually he did stop, and I got out of my car and ran towards the driver who was just getting out of the cab! I said 'mate, you're losing your load, it's all the way along the road' he said 'fuck off you pillock, I'm gritting'! Edited December 8, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legion Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 I'm having trouble finding a word that rhythms with Speedos.. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 (edited) 11 hours ago, legion said: I'm having trouble finding a word that rhythms with Speedos.. I didn't realise Andy Pandy had such a statuesque body, he hides it very well under all the flab doesn't he? He's well ripped, but he could be even more ripped if they tied a horse to each arm and leg and stampeded them to the four corners of the U.K.! If he wants a ripped body he should be allowed to have one, that poor lad has been through a lot lately, losing Mommy and Daddy, the court case that never was, and his Bro, King Charles fucking him over, etc. I've sent him a Xmas card, with my deepest wishes for him this Xmas! I've also asked him what ever happened to my application to join the British Diplomatic Corp, I've heard nothing back at all! Edited December 9, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wingwang Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, wingwang said: Doesn't she look like ermm what's her name? The Swedish girl, that cross between a Gonk and a Troll, errrrmm Greasy Furburger? summat like that anyway! Edited December 9, 2022 by Mr Crabtree Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 (edited) A man walked into the pub with his best mate, and they each had a large salmon under their arm, the landlord asked how they'd got them? Bill said 'easy, George here held my by the legs and dangled me over the bridge parapet and I grabbed them as they swam by'! Sat in the corner of the pub was Enoch and Eli two local brain transplant donors who's ears pricked up at the mention of a free salmon or two! After the pub closed they made their way to the nearest bridge, and Eli volunteered to be the person who was to be dangled from the bridge, whilst Enoch, being the stronger of the two would grip Eli's ankles in a grip of steel! Over went Eli, and Enoch took the strain, two or three minutes later Eli shouted 'Pull me up mate, pull me up for Gawd's sake'! Enoch shouted down ' 'as you got one then Eli'? Eli shouted back 'Not yet, but there's a train comin''! Edited December 10, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankieboy Posted December 11, 2022 Share Posted December 11, 2022 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
screamingeagle Posted December 11, 2022 Share Posted December 11, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 (edited) I loved to see Rudolph the red nosed reindeer leading the other reindeer as they pulled Santa's sleigh, but it saddens me that the reindeer who was directly behind Rudolph never ever gets a mention! His name was Boris the brown nosed reindeer, he could run just as fast as Rudolph, but just couldn't stop as quickly! Edited December 12, 2022 by Mr Crabtree Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemuri Kyoshiro Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr H Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webtrekker Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted December 15, 2022 Share Posted December 15, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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