Mr Crabtree Posted November 23, 2022 Share Posted November 23, 2022 3 hours ago, oneantisworthtenofyou said: More corny than the jolly green giant! Go around to a neighbour's or a friends's house really late at night,, knock the door and when they say 'who is it'? stick a large cucumber part way through the letter box and shout out 'it's only me, the Jolly Green Giant, I think I love you'! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted November 23, 2022 Share Posted November 23, 2022 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneantisworthtenofyou Posted November 24, 2022 Share Posted November 24, 2022 7 hours ago, Mr Crabtree said: Go around to a neighbour's or a friends's house really late at night,, knock the door and when they say 'who is it'? stick a large cucumber part way through the letter box and shout out 'it's only me, the Jolly Green Giant, I think I love you'! This one is going to be right up your street I'm sure 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
- TZC - Posted November 24, 2022 Share Posted November 24, 2022 9 hours ago, oneantisworthtenofyou said: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFHEbJpP/ Ey, she's proper dangerous indoors I can tell. I've met her sort thankfully I never married it but trust me, she's proper dangerous indoors. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 24, 2022 Share Posted November 24, 2022 16 hours ago, oneantisworthtenofyou said: More corny than the jolly green giant! You're only saying that because it's true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted November 24, 2022 Share Posted November 24, 2022 I'm not laughing 'at' the people in this clip, more about just how cute it is to me! Also, that they are saying the words to how they look logically. (I'd like to see the english (en masse) try to speak chinese or Indian) 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Certified Green of Heart Posted November 24, 2022 Share Posted November 24, 2022 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 24, 2022 Share Posted November 24, 2022 On 11/23/2022 at 3:49 PM, oneantisworthtenofyou said: More corny than the jolly green giant! You're only saying that because it's true! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 24, 2022 Share Posted November 24, 2022 (edited) I was at Gatwick airport the other day when a bloke came out carrying a very, very long bag, so I quipped 'Hey, are you a Pole vaulter'? He looked over and said 'No, I am actually a German, but tell me pliss how did you know my name vas Valter'? Edited November 24, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
- TZC - Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 15 hours ago, sickofallthebollocks said: I'm not laughing 'at' the people in this clip, more about just how cute it is to me! Also, that they are saying the words to how they look logically. (I'd like to see the english (en masse) try to speak chinese or Indian) Reminds me of the stifled laughter over the phone when I was asking for seehobann (Shevaun) And I'm english ffs. (although in my defence siobhan isn't an english name) It's ok to laugh, the worlds gone nuts. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, - TZC - said: Reminds me of the stifled laughter over the phone when I was asking for seehobann (Shevaun) And I'm english ffs. (although in my defence siobhan isn't an english name) It's ok to laugh, the worlds gone nuts. Just like the way Americans always call WARWICK =WAR WICK instead of pronouncing it WORRICK, and BUCK IN HAM PALACE is another one they always fuck up! I hate Americanisms, which is ironic really, because ISM is an American word too! I really don't know how we did ever get to speak proper as like we duz without the Americans pissing about with our language ? Edited November 25, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webtrekker Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 5 hours ago, Mr Crabtree said: Just like the way Americans always call WARWICK =WAR WICK instead of pronouncing it WORRICK, and BUCK IN HAM PALACE is another one they always fuck up! I hate Americanisms, which is ironic really, because ISM is an American word too! I really don't know how we did ever get to speak proper as like we duz without the Americans pissing about with our language ? Aa wey, at least us Geordies aal taak proper like. Aa wuz just thinking aboot this th'other day when aa wuz putting me cap on ti tek the whippet oot for a waak. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sock muppet Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 1 minute ago, webtrekker said: Aa wey, at least us Geordies aal taak proper like. Aa wuz just thinking aboot this th'other day when aa wuz putting me cap on ti tek the whippet oot for a waak. You got that accent spot on, 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, sock muppet said: You got that accent spot on, Talking of Whippets I used to breed ferrets {seriously, I shit you not } and 'Poley' my Polecat Hob { male polecat} seemed listless so off we went to the vet! He checked him over and asked what I fed him on? I said 'mice' he said 'that's a bit boring isn't it'? I said 'yes, that's why I dye them different colours as a treat, Red, Yellow, Blue, Orange and even Pink, he loves the Orange ones, they're his favourite'!! The vet said 'I know what's causing his problem now'! I said 'What is it'? He said 'He's not getting his Greens'! Edited November 25, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemuri Kyoshiro Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
numnuts Posted November 25, 2022 Share Posted November 25, 2022 Anne Sacoolas is back in the U.K.. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-suffolk-63075105 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluke Posted November 26, 2022 Share Posted November 26, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluke Posted November 26, 2022 Share Posted November 26, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 26, 2022 Share Posted November 26, 2022 (edited) My dear old grandad once gave me some very important advice I'd like to share with any males who want it! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/ you need to find a woman who is able to cook, and clever enough to manage on the housekeeping money. 2/ you need a woman who is working so that she can slip you a few quid occasionally. 3/ you also need a woman who's not a munter you'd be ashamed to be seen out and about with! 4/ You also need a woman who's willing to try anything sexual if it pleases you! Now this 5th piece of info is the most important one, WHATEVER YOU DO, FOR GAWD'S SAKE, DON'T EVER LET THEM MEET EACH OTHER! It's worked for me, I'm still having regular sex at 74 I live at number 12, but, the widow up the road at number 74, WOW! I dedicate this joke to the originator Bob Monkhouse B =1928 D= 2003 Edited November 26, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneantisworthtenofyou Posted November 26, 2022 Share Posted November 26, 2022 6 minutes ago, Mr Crabtree said: My dear old grandad once gave me some very important advice I'd like to share with any males who want it! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/ you need to find a woman who is able to cook, and clever enough to manage on the housekeeping money. 2/ you need a woman who is working so that she can slip you a few quid occasionally. 3/ you also need a woman who's not a munter you'd be ashamed to be seen out and about with! 4/ You also need a woman who's willing to try anything sexual if it pleases you! Now this 5th piece of info is the most important one, WHATEVER YOU DO, FOR GAWD'S SAKE, DON'T EVER LET THEM MEET EACH OTHER! 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 26, 2022 Share Posted November 26, 2022 (edited) 4 minutes ago, oneantisworthtenofyou said: I just looked in the mirror and I realised I must be a Super Athlete I have the body of a God, =Buddha! Edited November 26, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneantisworthtenofyou Posted November 26, 2022 Share Posted November 26, 2022 1 hour ago, Mr Crabtree said: I just looked in the mirror and I realised I must be a Super Athlete I have the body of a God, =Buddha! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 27, 2022 Share Posted November 27, 2022 (edited) I was looking at some of our family's old journals and thought I'd made a real discovery about my great granddad, apparently, he knew the very day, in fact the very minute that he was going to die, and it turned out that he was right on the button. I thought 'the old geezer was psychic, who'd have thought it'? However the bubble soon burst with the next paragraph, it turns out that the judge had donned his black cap and told him when he was going to die after the jury turned in a guilty verdict after his trial for the murder of his mother in law! Edited November 27, 2022 by Mr Crabtree Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 27, 2022 Share Posted November 27, 2022 I discovered that there is still a law dating back to 1767 that made it illegal to hang a man with a wooden leg apparently you can only use a rope! ! Something we'd best be reminded of when they start rounding up the mass killers who knowingly killed for covid! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 Teacher to little Jimmy 'what's the two times table'? little Jimmy ' one two is two, two two's are four, three two's are six' Teacher 'thank you Jimmy, David, three times table please'! David 'one three is three, two three's are six, three three's are nine' ! Teacher 'thank you David, Boris Bunter, eight times table please' Boris 'la la lala, la la lala, la la lala' Teacher 'Boris Bunter, stop, what are you doing'? Boris 'well miss, I know the tune, but I can't remember the words'! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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