Nemuri Kyoshiro Posted November 7, 2022 Share Posted November 7, 2022 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 8, 2022 Share Posted November 8, 2022 7 hours ago, Nemuri Kyoshiro said: My grandad flew in Wellingtons during the war, but he had to change them for slippers because his feet kept slipping off the control pedals! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kj35 Posted November 8, 2022 Share Posted November 8, 2022 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legion Posted November 8, 2022 Share Posted November 8, 2022 l hope this is real... 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 8, 2022 Share Posted November 8, 2022 (edited) This post was recognized by Bombadil! "For always making me laugh. Much needed in this reality at the moment." Mr Crabtree was awarded the badge 'Superstar' and 10 points. Quasimodo got stopped by the police after being chased by a gang of schoolboys, someone heard him scream 'Fuck off, I HAVEN'T GOT YOUR FUCKING BALL' and phoned the Old Bill! The copper said 'what's that bulge in your trouser pocket'? Quasimodo said 'It's just a picture of my dad'! The copper asked where he was going? and he replied 'I'm off to see a specialist about my hump'! A little later in the specialist's office the specialist said 'take off your overcoat, take off your jacket, take off your pullover, take off your shirt, take off your tee shirt, take off your vest'! The specialist looked and then said 'how long is it since you left school Quasi'? Quasimodo said 'thirty five years ago, WHY'? The specialist said ' didn't you ever wonder what had happened to your satchel'? Edited November 8, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BossCrow Posted November 8, 2022 Share Posted November 8, 2022 F around and find out response video with some fact-checking; 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webtrekker Posted November 8, 2022 Share Posted November 8, 2022 5 hours ago, Mr Crabtree said: Quasimodo got stopped by the police after being chased by a gang of schoolboys, someone heard him scream 'Fuck off, I HAVEN'T GOT YOUR FUCKING BALL' and phoned the Old Bill! The copper said 'what's that bulge in your trouser pocket'? Quasimodo said 'It's just a picture of my dad'! The copper asked where he was going? and he replied 'I'm off to see a specialist about my hump'! A little later in the specialist's office the specialist said 'take off your overcoat, take off your jacket, take off your pullover, take off your shirt, take off your tee shirt, take off your vest'! The specialist looked and then said 'how long is it since you left school Quasi'? Quasimodo said 'thirty five years ago, WHY'? The specialist said ' didn't you ever wonder what had happened to your satchel'? I once lent Quasi a fiver. He said 'I'll pay you back when I get straight.' Still waiting ... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 9, 2022 Share Posted November 9, 2022 (edited) 54 minutes ago, webtrekker said: I once lent Quasi a fiver. He said 'I'll pay you back when I get straight.' Still waiting ... He asked me to lend him a tenner once, to buy Esmerelda some flowers to try and get her in a good mood and try to convince her to join a 'Swingers Club' I said 'no, sorry, I haven't got it' and he turned quite ugly and took the hump over it and we never spoke for several years afterwards! It's just amazing how something trivial like that can put a person's back up! He became a postman for a short while but gave it up when he discovered his arms weren't long enough to reach into his bag for the letters! He was so lonely as a child, his mother had to tie a pork chop around his neck just to get the family Doberman to play with him. He was so ugly as a kid, he used to get sympathy letters from Joseph Merrick 'The Elephant Man' I believe Quasimodo was also the inspiration behind that popular kiddie's toy, Mr. potato head! When he decided to propose to Esmerelda, he went into Burtons tailors and asked 'have you got a suit that'll fit me, off the peg'? The manager said 'I'll certainly look for you sir, but if we have, I'll sack the prat who made it'! Before he ever met Esmerelda he went out with Maisy Golightly who was quite his opposite number due to the fact that she had a hunch front as opposed to his hunchback, consequently her breasts grew out of her back rather than out of her chest Quasi remarked 'she isn't much of a conversationalist, but, she's jolly good fun to dance with'! Edited November 9, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legion Posted November 9, 2022 Share Posted November 9, 2022 The Independent wins the Gold Medal in the Hipocracy Olympics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legion Posted November 9, 2022 Share Posted November 9, 2022 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 9, 2022 Share Posted November 9, 2022 (edited) 10 minutes ago, legion said: This is a lad from my local fishing club here in Sussex, he was concentrating on his selfie of him and the carp and never saw the camel until he felt his breath on his head ! The farmer who owns the lake has three camels on his land as well as a herd of Alpacas! He also owns a campsite and apparently the animals are a popular attraction for the campers and their kids ! Edited November 9, 2022 by Mr Crabtree 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legion Posted November 9, 2022 Share Posted November 9, 2022 3 minutes ago, Mr Crabtree said: never saw the camel until I was surprised to see warning signs for camels on out of town roads in Australia. Seems that some escaped and successfully multiplied :0) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 9, 2022 Share Posted November 9, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, legion said: I was surprised to see warning signs for camels on out of town roads in Australia. Seems that some escaped and successfully multiplied :0) I read somewhere that the old miners used to use the camels and they escaped and bred feral offspring, we have feral Wallabies here in the U.K. in Derbyshire, feral parrakeets all around Stanstead airport etc. In Westminster a few roaming Neanderthals bred with local tribes and moved into politics where they soon became a pest species of epic proportions! One of them, 'Boriscus Ginormous' bred with many different women over a period of years and now his progeny are everywhere! Edited November 9, 2022 by Mr Crabtree Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bombadil Posted November 9, 2022 Share Posted November 9, 2022 7 hours ago, legion said: I was surprised to see warning signs for camels on out of town roads in Australia. Seems that some escaped and successfully multiplied :0) https://guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/largest-population-of-wild-camels 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted November 9, 2022 Share Posted November 9, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
- TZC - Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 Ah, I'll get my coat. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluke Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legion Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 arUrrrghhhh..you're breath stinks like shit muthafucker!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluke Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legion Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 A lad who deals in the herb and other recreational requisites sold me a brand new pair of trainers today that had, apparently, fallen off the back of a lorry and had lost their box during the proceedings! I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonlight Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sickofallthebollocks Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Crabtree Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 45 minutes ago, sickofallthebollocks said: I met my wife in a bar in Amsterdam, she was drunk and wearing a road cone on her head whilst dancing on a table I was quite annoyed, I thought she was back at home in Brighton looking after our kids! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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