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I recently went to see 'The original Drifters' in concert, I was mildly disappointed to be honest🤔


They turned out to be a group of blokes in a leaky dinghy, and they couldn't even hold a tune together, their rendition of 'Under the boardwalk' left a lot to be desired!👎

Edited by Steven Tansell
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What if breast implants were made of maple or oak?

That would be weird, wooden tit?

So what if I can't spell Armmagedon...

It's not the end of the world

What if the real reason aliens don't visit us is because...

...we're a one star planet?

What if they close grocery stores for COVID19....

.... we'll have to hunt for our food. I dont even know where Doritos live...

What if this whole Global Warming thing doesn't happen?

Boy, will that be anticlimatic!

What if Erik the Red had been Erik the Green?

Well... that would be a Norse of another colour.

The bartenders says, 'We don't serve Time Traveller's in here.'

A Time Traveller enters a bar.
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A wig and a turd entered a bar, the wig ordered two double whiskies, but the barman refused to serve them, the turd demanded to know 'WHY'?

The barman replied 'because you are steaming, and he' he said pointing to the wig, 'he is definately off his head'!🤭


A man in the pub said to his mate at the bar 'there's a dog in the garden with two arseholes'! His mate laughed, until he looked out of the window and saw Joe Biden and Donald Trump sitting on a bench with a Poodle on a lead!🤔

Edited by Steven Tansell
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A few conversations I had with my first wife over the years!


Wife -'if you were half a man you'd take me to the circus'!

Me - 'if I were half a man, I'd be in the circus'!


Wife- 'do you notice anything different about me today'?

Me- 'you've had your hair done'?

Wife- 'NO'

Me- 'you've got a different lipstick'?

Wife 'NO'

Me - 'a new dress'?


Me - 'O.K. I give up, what is it'?

Wife - 'I'm wearing a gas mask'!


Wife - 'you never talk to me when we make love'

Me 'well I don't want to wake you'!


Wif- 'Did you actually go to school stupid'?

Me- 'Yes, but I always came back stupid'!


Me- 'do you fancy trying the 'wheelbarrow position' tonight'?

Wife- 'well how does that work'?

Me - 'you strip off, then get on your hands and knees, I get behind you, lift your legs as if they were barrow handles, and away we go'!

Wife - 'O.K. I'll give a go, but, on one condition'!

Me - 'what condition'?

Wife - 'You have to promise me that you won't push me past my mother's house'!


Me- 'darling, do you fancy a change of position tonight'?

Wife-'now that IS a good idea, you get behind the ironing board, and I'll lie on the settee scratching my bollocks and farting all night'!


My mother in law hasn't spoken to me for quite a while now, she's annoyed because I never held the car door open for her!🤔

I'll be quite honest and hold my hand up here, yes I am guilty, but, I just panicked and swam for the surface!🤭


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21 hours ago, sickofallthebollocks said:


What a pair of Vaginas🤔 I was going to say, cunts, but decided that I'd be more diplomatic, more refined, softer in my language and more caring in my attitude to others, 🙄 but, this pair of cunts show the average sheep mentality as far as I'm concerned! He would have been far funnier if he'd been pouring oil on her as he turned her gently on a spit with an apple in her mouth! How did I do?🤔

Edited by Mr Crabtree
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On 10/27/2022 at 9:56 PM, legion said:


edit to add - by "this country" - l mean your average citizen - not the ruling war mongers

Fast forward 82 years from a country that 'had some bollocks' to a country who's 'leaders' etc are totally 'Full of Bollocks', they're so bent and twisted that when they die they'll  have to dig their graves with a corkscrew!🤭 

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