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Posted (edited)

One time a buddy and I took the Montreal Metro (Subway) at the start of a long line of stops and just near rush hour which was about to begin.

 

We brought along a steamy-looking and very realistic rubber joke-shop glistening swirling pile of fake dog poo. The thing had a loud squealer valve underneath that would squawk if stepped on.

 

Anyways, we boarded the almost empty train and set the poo on an empty seat nearby and we sat across from it with our faces buried in newspaper trying to blend-in casually. Just an ordinary pair of rush hour commuting bureaucrats. We wore business suits.

 

You could see people's feet as they entered the car from under the newspaper.

 

The car filled up to standing room shoulder-to-shoulder, sardine-can-like jam-pack capacity. DisclaimerIf a pregnant female or handicapped person had boarded we would have given them our seats. 

 

People would board anxious and filled with ambitious drive wondering how the prime seat seen through the window from the boarding platform was available and cursed when approaching it and claiming stuff like, "it must have been a city dog" others would make disparaging comments about animals on subways.

 

I mean my buddy and I were cracking up and our newspapers were going up and down from our convulsive laughter.

 

People were too focused on the 'doodoo' to worry about us anyways. One guy even made a comment on the absence of a smell, found that unusual 🤔.

 

Cracking up here just typing this anecdote.

 

Then the radical don't-give-a-crap nazi-worshippers boarded and cursed loudly and one of them kicked the prop with a black jackboot.

 

The crowded train, expecting to see seriously soiled jackboot and questioning the wisdom of such rash action, instead drew a sigh of relief when it hit the window and squeaked loudly.

 

The comments were gut-busting funny, the theories people were mumbling among themselves about the authors of such foolishness. That this was no accident.

 

They looked around to find us and holding back the laughter was horribly difficult. We managed to remain anonymous.

 

One teenager grabbed the rubber prop, pocketed the thing and wore a big smile as people looked at him like he was in possession of a special object of interest or like maybe it was evidence or something, a lucky guy indeed 🤣

 

Top laugh of my life without drugs and it only cost subway fare and five bucks for the rubber prop and two newpapers.🤣

 

Pointer Sisters "Slow Hand" ;

 

 

 

Edited by Avoiceinthecrowd
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Posted (edited)

Key West Florida where Hemmingway wrote his great novels. A long highway supported by pillars embedded in the chain of islands that make up "The Keys" and in the shallow offshore sea bed between the islands which leaves the Florida mainland.

 

This highway reaches out into the mouth of the Gulf of Mexico. Ends (or starts, depending how you want to read the sign ) in Key West Florida U.S.A.

 

I took a room at night in a motel half-way out to sea on this highway. Exhausted from a 12 hour drive (the whole trip from Canada was a 36 hours drive).

 

It was so quiet and serene and the stars were so close and plentiful. The dream ended abruptly at sunrise as a seemingly endless and steady flow of recreational vehicles laden with deep-sea sport fishing boats on trailers started making an infernal racket.

 

Key West is a fairy-tale city with crystal clear waters and you could cook an egg on the pavement.

 

Stargazing was my big passtime. Sleeping most of the day. I don't fish, just eat 'em 😎

 

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Foreigner "Urgent" (lyrics) ;

 

 

Edited by Avoiceinthecrowd
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Posted (edited)

As the economy stumbles along many new small-scale agricultural interests (people united in agriculture ventures)(micro-farming 2 to 4 families co-opting, investing) eager to dispense with the costly and time wasting problems with modern machinery are opting to learn orchestrating teams of horses to pull farm implements.

 

My son was doing farm work for a local horse breeder and horse pension.

 

In exchange he was given riding instruction and shown how to behave around these magnificent beasts safely.

 

He wanted to have riding experience in case a western role came up in cinema, his ambition was acting. He took another career path eventually and doesn't ride much anymore.

 

You know, it saddens me to see horses in the fenced fields wandering and watching cars go by.

 

They were once great pals with the humans and shared daily life intimately with them. Going places, trotting vigorously all day. Grooming and affections and praise. They were the masters of the universe and now they are pathetic in this respect.

 

The car made them obsolete. But they could come back in style depending if the machine or petrol world collapses. Better to put how to feed and care for a horse on your to-do list to be on the safe side, learn some of the common ailments and how to fasten shoes and strap a saddle on 🙂

 

Speaking with this guy that has decades experience around robust Canadian horses told us that managing a team of horses pulling farm equipment is tricky and potentially dangerous.

 

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They have a very large chest vault and lung capacity for their relatively compact size for a workhorse. A gift from Napoleon to Canada apparently. War horses too I'd imagine.

 

I found being near them that they are tall and massive but I know better having been near big workhorses like those we see pulling the Budweiser cart in the ads. Those are crazy big.

 

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All you need is one of the four or six horse horses that make up the team starts acting out of sync.

 

Said a firm hand and lots of pain killers and the concept works fine.  

 

Oasis "Wonderwall" ;

 

 

Edited by Avoiceinthecrowd
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"Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new body parts, like new breasts or new hands. It's going to be a huge moneymaker, because you know that as soon as women grow another breast, men will want another hand."

- Jay Leno

 

Green Day "Time Of Your Life" (lyrics) ;

 

 

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Posted (edited)

 

James Cameron, a film maker of the highest caliber and master at matching score with cinematic flow.

 

His Titanic movie is a masterfully crafted romanticization based on the tragic events that happened in real life but also a work of art with bounderies to the periferal vision that may be introduced.

 

It had to make people cry and make people adopt an abbreviated narrative on the issue and was not a documentary critical analysis meant to raise questions.

 

A fine work of cinema with a solid cast and compelling story. An unmitigated success in other words.

 

Celine Dion scored this film and what a brilliant expression of talent there too. Musical heaven marries the cinematic arts. May we live in interesting times.

 

Celine Dion "My Heart Will Go On" ;

 

 

Edited by Avoiceinthecrowd
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I think karma enjoys a symbiotic relationship with gratitude. Something about feeling grateful that primes karma's pumps so-to-speak.

 

Feeling grateful also makes one feel worthy and loved. Expressing gratitude is easy considering the miracles that surround us.

 

Gratitude validates the gift. Sure some may say that life ain't that great but gratitude may help peel away the layers of grey-scale perceptions that tend to coat everything with doom.

 

But gratitude-driven karma is not for those that feel everything is their due, somehow owed to them. Incapable of giving thanks for anything. Their karma is bare-bones 🤣

 

 

Alanis Morissette "Thank You" ;

 

 

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Posted (edited)

"Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone."

-David Letterman

 

Been there, done that. The girl was Spanish and spoke very very little English and my Spanish was just getting started so basically non-existant. Phone sex with sub-titles would have been a godsend 🤣

 

Anyways the whole deal is one big exercise in frustration. Frustration is not a known aphrodesiac. At the end you are ready to draft up a Writ of Habeus Corpus to have that body brought before you for extra-judicial processing 😁

 

Madonna "Ray Of Light" ;

 

 

 

Edited by Avoiceinthecrowd
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Ok, Chevy Chase (time tub repairman.) has sorted the control panel so everyone jump into the Hot Tub Time Machine.

 

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We are travelling back to a time blooming with great tunes, to the year 1979, and Styx are playing on all the radio airwaves with "Babe" ;

 

 

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Posted (edited)

How old were you in 1979? Were you born yet? I was and trust me it was worth 'hearing.'

 

A time when telephone bells rang and the race to the unit was on.

 

No such thing as a cell phone or internet. You wanted to get to know someone better you had to put in the leg-work and pound-the-pavement in real spaces not just clicking your way to Facebook or Instagram or Twitter-X to see them sporting their best faces and embellished profiles. A modern day of window-dressing type amorous conquests.

 

Conquests were usually within a reasonable driving range and long distance relationships cost a mint by telephone.

 

Now people can have long distance phone sex without cluing in to how much that synthetic sex would have cost back then in phone charges alone.

 

We did not need phone sex because the real thing was always close at hand.

 

You instinctively knew that long distance relationships were pointless except of course for the privileged-class for whom cost was no big deal.

 

Life had us on a comparitively short leash besides being literally tethered to phone cords and headphone lines.

 

National Geographic magazine described the peoples of the world and their cultures for us in formal terms and brilliant photos.

 

Now, in our technologically enhanced societies where the distances have been artificially collapsed, you can talk to these far away folk, even get to befriend them, also see pictures National Geographic magazine simply had no room to include and even listen to their musical compositions which local radio and tv never played for us and we can now scroll leasurely.

 

We always took Supertramp's advice and with our girlfiends we would "Take The Long Way Home" ;

 

 

 

Edited by Avoiceinthecrowd
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Posted (edited)

For extra money when not in school I would pump petrol at a local FINA (Finest In North America) station and let me tell you about the service I would provide and imagine how I feel in modern times watching people brave arctic winds and snow pumping their own gas.

 

They rush to pay for it and go. They don't check anything. If I do they ask if if I need help, is my engine broke 😁

 

Poor modern cars get no attention. I would check engine oil and fluid levels and clean the windscreen and check tire pressures. Not to sound overly altruistic our policy was also to check the fluids so we could sell some where needed 🤣

 

We knew the really big tippers and trust me the only thing we didn't do for those was a wax job. Tenderly wiping their side mirrors 😂

 

I pumped in the gas and ran back to the office to process any credit card payments. Lots of cash too so I had to have small bills on me for breaking larger bills but the small change was always mine 😁 people looked embarrased at the idea of not letting me have the small change.

 

Small change still bought stuff back then. Not just the dead weight it is now.

 

All this in the most intense climactic conditions. Our customer was king and he could sit on his mobile throne while I showered him with my gratitude. 

 

Die Straits, "Sultans of Swing" ;

 

 

 

Edited by Avoiceinthecrowd
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This time it's not The Daily News on Keith Richard's back it's my comedic idol Letterman throwing a hatchet;

 

"I think I might have a bad psychic advisor. When I asked her to contact the dead, she gave me Keith Richards' phone number" 

- David Letterman

 

See how we treat our seniors 🤣 Aging gracefully has become a leprosy in our day of youth worship and geezer denigration. Lord give us the strength 😂

 

Pointer Sisters "Fire" ;

 

 

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If you ever see a baby bear by itself looking distraught and crying out or you come across a lynx or cougar kitten so cute and cuddly looking...do not approach! Mom is probably not far away and might misinterpret your altruistc tree-hugger's babysitting effort as a thing meant to take the life of the little one.

 

Walking away uneventfully always worked for me. They are natures creatures and she will provide.

 

If it is orphaned you could be lucky and impress the largesse of humanitarian values on the creature but where does the cue ball go after the scoring shot so-to-speak?

 

Are you going to raise a baby black bear or a lynx? Good luck with that. Call wildlife, right, eh? They will 'zoo' or euthanize the poor darlings.

 

Bee Gees (live) "Tragedy" ;

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Boarding a commercial airliner can be a harrowing experience cold.

 

Try it on LSD for fun. I sat there and felt a surge of emotions as the powerful turbines whined loudly and increasingly as we taxied for take off.

 

Just sitting there in this tube full of all manner of folk settling in was totally surrealistic. The things you imagine about them, about how their lives are stuff like that. Implications rule the hallucinogenic trip. Two trips in one, the plane and the acid. 😎

 

Anyways the rush of energy delivered by the reactors pulling us up into the sky was mindboggling under that influence. Like wow! People are reading newspapers and chatting casually as this hulk races to the heavens.

 

I'm sure frequent flyers are quite annoyed with the whole process but the contrast of looking at it in an altered state and from an occasional flyer's perspective opens up worlds of observational possibilities. Food for thought..man's gotta eat, right? 😁

 

 

Earth, Wind, and Fire "September" ;

 

 

 

Edited by Avoiceinthecrowd
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