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Psychosis and hallucinations - just the 'wrong brain chemistry' or something more?


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Hi all, pretty new to the forum but couldn't find a similar topic and not sure if my 'case' is individual or if there are other people with this experience.

 

Long story short, 2013. In spring time I had a psychotic episode (acute) which started in winter and lasted for 4 months before I was hospitalized at the Psychiatric ward in my hometown. During that time in the first and biggest psychotic stage I had hallucinations (mostly voices in my head). As time was passing I had more intense and louder voices and a scenario that was shown in my perception back then was basically a parallel world with totally different meanings of everything you know but yet I was seeing things as they are. I was only 19 yo when this thing happened to me and before that period I was pretty much into psychology, philosophy, eastern and ancient cultures, social phenomenon etc.

 

All that ''knowledge'' and unsolved traumas from the past turn against me (in my mind with disablans of molecules in charge of transmitting information - neurotransmitters) and play horrific and paranoid parallel reality where everything is against me and I cannot escape anywhere. As time passed, the information in my head was ''telling me and convincing me'' in scenarios like that the whole China is watching me on screens, that stars in the skies are lights that come from holes in some fabric, that my hair on my body are small antennas etc... the day I tried to ''commit suicide'' by jumping from small building I had really bizarre ''scenario'' that I am living in the matrix and voice that was telling me was controlling my movement and I felt like marionet puppet and couldn't resist anymore and that's why i ended on the building and jumped.

 

Still today I don't know how I survived without any scar (I had a cast on my neck for a few months and that's it). Was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward where they just chained me in bed and drug me with pills not knowing what I am taking. I was there for one month and only had one 10 min conversation with a doctor who just said I had psychosis and if I take the pills I will be fine. After 4 weeks of taking antipsychotics I no longer had voices and on my way to become 'normal'

 

After that hospital experience I was searching for a private psychotherapist with whom I did 6 years of psychotherapy, changed medications to the right ones with minimal dose. Since last 4 years I finished sociology as a 'potential student' because of my way of thinking, I had several summer jobs and lived in 2 countries as part of some students mobilities. Meet new people, travel and discover so many things about psychology and help many people with just following my instinct and personal belief.

 

But all this time, for the last 7 years I was really open about my mental health and what happened to me, since then I have more urge to help people dealing with traumas and confusion. People I met after that period until now were telling me how they feel open saying some personal stuff and feel more calmed in my presence and could easily understand my point of view of the situations and opinions. Since I am empathic and sensible as a person and have this experience I wanted to use it for better cause to spread some light.

 

Since my first psychotic episode was really extreme and traumatized me I was on the side of science and dosing the information about anything out of the "normal" to not trigger back that fear and paranoia. Also from time to time I heard about some other people who had psychosis in their adolescent years and some of the "hallucinations beliefs" were similar (Chinese, being watched and "the end is near" fear)

I was somehow blocking thinking about it and often just repeating myself the vocabulary that my psychotherapist was telling me about my condition and taking pills as I supposed to.

And I first discovered David Icke and his thoughts in the period of the first phase of psychotic state and somehow everything I read made sense even though I was "not normal". Somehow I felt the urge to look what David is saying about covid and since then I try to read his thoughts as much as I can. But since he had written so many materials (books, movies..) I couldn't find anything so far about this "psychotic illness" and other related.

 

When this all Covid hoax and panic started it triggered that fear and paranoia (because at first I believed it). After I came to my senses and looked for other opinions and follow my instinct I started to follow David's videocasts which helped me a lot to understand this situation and 'reality' more deeply. (Thx! )

 

I wanted to open this topic and see if there other people with similar stories or experience or if someone has some insight of this; please write here or in my inbox. Also some links or books would be awesome to look at this "mental health" topic from a non-psychology view.

 

P.S. Hope you understand my story. I am more curious and open to find out more about all this. Thanks! :) 

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People are so trained to view anything about the brain and negative times, as something to do with mental illness.

 

Think about it.

 

People that go through such episodes, are wrongly taught that its bad. Sometimes it may be, but alot of times people do not appreciate they are going through this for a reason. But they are never taught that maybe you are going through this for a reason, and its about learning something within you coming out.

 

The film the exorcist shows a real spiritual awakening, and most people do not understand this. Its exaggerated of course like hollywood does, but its a real version of what a real spiritual awakening is.

 

If you go through one, and i assume by your writings you are, one thing thats very important is to stay grounded. Many people go through such things, and are lost the rest of there lifes and are hospitalised till they die. Its so important to stay with some form of grounding going through these experiences, and eventually you will get through it.

 

Thats all people can really say, as its your journey, but remember there is a reason your going through this, and a minority of people all over the world go through something similar.

 

Keep something within yourself grounded, ie to keep it real. It can be a wild journey going through such things, and you should not just see it as a negative experience, but something a minority of all humans go through.

 

Also remember that going through this, be careful of who you listen too, as the real answers your looking for come from within. People are so obsessed with looking for external answers, and only you know what your going through in this.

 

My only advice with it, is keep a part of you grounded, no matter how wild your brain, or mind goes, and eventually you will get through to the other end. You will be a different person, and depending on how you took that journey, you will have a new way of looking at the world.

Edited by andy1033
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23 minutes ago, andy1033 said:

People are so trained to view anything about the brain and negative times, as something to do with mental illness.

 

Think about it.

 

People that go through such episodes, are wrongly taught that its bad. Sometimes it may be, but alot of times people do not appreciate they are going through this for a reason. But they are never taught that maybe you are going through this for a reason, and its about learning something within you coming out.

 

The film the exorcist shows a real spiritual awakening, and most people do not understand this. Its exaggerated of course like hollywood does, but its a real version of what a real spiritual awakening is.

 

If you go through one, and i assume by your writings you are, one thing thats very important is to stay grounded. Many people go through such things, and are lost the rest of there lifes and are hospitalised till they die. Its so important to stay with some form of grounding going through these experiences, and eventually you will get through it.

 

Thats all people can really say, as its your journey, but remember there is a reason your going through this, and a minority of people all over the world go through something similar.

 

Keep something within yourself grounded, ie to keep it real. It can be a wild journey going through such things, and you should not just see it as a negative experience, but something a minority of all humans go through.

 

Also remember that going through this, be careful of who you listen too, as the real answers your looking for come from within. People are so obsessed with looking for external answers, and only you know what your going through in this.

 

My only advice with it, is keep a part of you grounded, no matter how wild your brain, or mind goes, and eventually you will get through to the other end. You will be a different person, and depending on how you took that journey, you will have a new way of looking at the world.

Thank you and I agree with you. For me there was always something mysterious about all this in general and especially since I had that experience which in the end only make me stronger and wiser. 

Of course, I couldn't be this today if I don't have my grounding methods. I find my "recipe" to keep stability but with all this happening in world last year in some days is bit harder. I see so many people being "zombi look" or talking nonsenses, being more extreme or drug/alcohol abussing cuz they are suffering, their emotional and spiritual body don't have what is required to have to be balanced. Hard to observe but still trying to influence ones I can and share the truth :) 

 

Thx for reply. Cheers :) 

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On 4/10/2021 at 3:30 PM, dnxmix said:

Hi all, pretty new to the forum but couldn't find a similar topic and not sure if my 'case' is individual or if there are other people with this experience.

 

Long story short, 2013. In spring time I had a psychotic episode (acute) which started in winter and lasted for 4 months before I was hospitalized at the Psychiatric ward in my hometown. During that time in the first and biggest psychotic stage I had hallucinations (mostly voices in my head). As time was passing I had more intense and louder voices and a scenario that was shown in my perception back then was basically a parallel world with totally different meanings of everything you know but yet I was seeing things as they are. I was only 19 yo when this thing happened to me and before that period I was pretty much into psychology, philosophy, eastern and ancient cultures, social phenomenon etc.

 

All that ''knowledge'' and unsolved traumas from the past turn against me (in my mind with disablans of molecules in charge of transmitting information - neurotransmitters) and play horrific and paranoid parallel reality where everything is against me and I cannot escape anywhere. As time passed, the information in my head was ''telling me and convincing me'' in scenarios like that the whole China is watching me on screens, that stars in the skies are lights that come from holes in some fabric, that my hair on my body are small antennas etc... the day I tried to ''commit suicide'' by jumping from small building I had really bizarre ''scenario'' that I am living in the matrix and voice that was telling me was controlling my movement and I felt like marionet puppet and couldn't resist anymore and that's why i ended on the building and jumped.

 

Still today I don't know how I survived without any scar (I had a cast on my neck for a few months and that's it). Was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward where they just chained me in bed and drug me with pills not knowing what I am taking. I was there for one month and only had one 10 min conversation with a doctor who just said I had psychosis and if I take the pills I will be fine. After 4 weeks of taking antipsychotics I no longer had voices and on my way to become 'normal'

 

After that hospital experience I was searching for a private psychotherapist with whom I did 6 years of psychotherapy, changed medications to the right ones with minimal dose. Since last 4 years I finished sociology as a 'potential student' because of my way of thinking, I had several summer jobs and lived in 2 countries as part of some students mobilities. Meet new people, travel and discover so many things about psychology and help many people with just following my instinct and personal belief.

 

But all this time, for the last 7 years I was really open about my mental health and what happened to me, since then I have more urge to help people dealing with traumas and confusion. People I met after that period until now were telling me how they feel open saying some personal stuff and feel more calmed in my presence and could easily understand my point of view of the situations and opinions. Since I am empathic and sensible as a person and have this experience I wanted to use it for better cause to spread some light.

 

Since my first psychotic episode was really extreme and traumatized me I was on the side of science and dosing the information about anything out of the "normal" to not trigger back that fear and paranoia. Also from time to time I heard about some other people who had psychosis in their adolescent years and some of the "hallucinations beliefs" were similar (Chinese, being watched and "the end is near" fear)

I was somehow blocking thinking about it and often just repeating myself the vocabulary that my psychotherapist was telling me about my condition and taking pills as I supposed to.

And I first discovered David Icke and his thoughts in the period of the first phase of psychotic state and somehow everything I read made sense even though I was "not normal". Somehow I felt the urge to look what David is saying about covid and since then I try to read his thoughts as much as I can. But since he had written so many materials (books, movies..) I couldn't find anything so far about this "psychotic illness" and other related.

 

When this all Covid hoax and panic started it triggered that fear and paranoia (because at first I believed it). After I came to my senses and looked for other opinions and follow my instinct I started to follow David's videocasts which helped me a lot to understand this situation and 'reality' more deeply. (Thx! )

 

I wanted to open this topic and see if there other people with similar stories or experience or if someone has some insight of this; please write here or in my inbox. Also some links or books would be awesome to look at this "mental health" topic from a non-psychology view.

 

P.S. Hope you understand my story. I am more curious and open to find out more about all this. Thanks! :) 

 

Hi Dnxmix, 

 

Thank you for sharing. It can be really hard to talk about these things. 

 

I am in a similar situation to yourself and completely understand what you mean. 

 

With my episodes, it's very intense, like a door has opened as I see all truth. It can be overwhelmingly terrifying. 

 

I believe we can see into other parallel worlds.. I'll give you my story.. 

I access another world through my dream state. Only it isn't a dream. It is another life I live when I am asleep (it is no wonder I am fatigued 24/7!)

It's so real and it links a lot into my daily life in the form of premonitions. 

These "dreams" only began after the Dr prescribed me psychiatric medication. 

I stopped them last November and I still have these "dreams". It's very much like a parallel reality.

I do also experience normal dreams and they are completely different. 

 

Do you experience this? I am yet to meet anyone who does.. I wondered if it was due to my mental state or whatnot.. Or if I opened up a door. 

 

I also experimented with psychedelics when I was younger as I loved the messages and the things I would see were life changing...

Until my last few times that sucked and put me Into constant paranoia which I cannot shift. 

I feel I can see things for what they really are and it makes me want to hide away. I have done anyway. 

No one gets it (well, the folk here do! That's why I love this forum.)

The average Joe on the street doesn't have a clue though. 

 

Some days are worse than others.. 

I am medication free and it has been absolute hell. 

I am coming round now, luckily and have started getting acupuncture and I now take prescribed Chinese herbal medicines. 

 

I was in a deep state of paranoia recently.

Couldn't leave my home, or my bed for that matter. 

People walking past were filming me and the old neighbour across the road looked like a young person spying on me. I swear I was seeing a young person looking into my window. 

My partner seen the elderly neighbour. 

 

Hearing the knocks or footsteps.. 

Even taking a shower I hear people screaming. 

 

I get suspicious of everyone at times.. It's horrible. 

 

Have we opened a door to other worlds? 

What differentiates us to psychics? 

 

Such a puzzle. 

 

 

Edited by allymisfit
Typos and forgot important info
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Looking into the subconscious. Lots of garbage in there, but so is The Truth(Reality-GOD). Stick with That no matter what.

 

LOVE Is The Truth, and IT/I Am Infinitely Greater and more Effective than any illusion or false idea, I Am The TRUTH--My name is LOVE. I Am with You Always.

Remember.

 

Above All; The Truth.

Edited by novymir
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On 4/18/2021 at 3:00 AM, allymisfit said:

 

Hi Dnxmix, 

 

Thank you for sharing. It can be really hard to talk about these things. 

 

I am in a similar situation to yourself and completely understand what you mean. 

 

With my episodes, it's very intense, like a door has opened as I see all truth. It can be overwhelmingly terrifying. 

 

I believe we can see into other parallel worlds.. I'll give you my story.. 

I access another world through my dream state. Only it isn't a dream. It is another life I live when I am asleep (it is no wonder I am fatigued 24/7!)

It's so real and it links a lot into my daily life in the form of premonitions. 

These "dreams" only began after the Dr prescribed me psychiatric medication. 

I stopped them last November and I still have these "dreams". It's very much like a parallel reality.

I do also experience normal dreams and they are completely different. 

 

Do you experience this? I am yet to meet anyone who does.. I wondered if it was due to my mental state or whatnot.. Or if I opened up a door. 

 

I also experimented with psychedelics when I was younger as I loved the messages and the things I would see were life changing...

Until my last few times that sucked and put me Into constant paranoia which I cannot shift. 

I feel I can see things for what they really are and it makes me want to hide away. I have done anyway. 

No one gets it (well, the folk here do! That's why I love this forum.)

The average Joe on the street doesn't have a clue though. 

 

Some days are worse than others.. 

I am medication free and it has been absolute hell. 

I am coming round now, luckily and have started getting acupuncture and I now take prescribed Chinese herbal medicines. 

 

I was in a deep state of paranoia recently.

Couldn't leave my home, or my bed for that matter. 

People walking past were filming me and the old neighbour across the road looked like a young person spying on me. I swear I was seeing a young person looking into my window. 

My partner seen the elderly neighbour. 

 

Hearing the knocks or footsteps.. 

Even taking a shower I hear people screaming. 

 

I get suspicious of everyone at times.. It's horrible. 

 

Have we opened a door to other worlds? 

What differentiates us to psychics? 

 

Such a puzzle. 

 

 

 

 

Hi Allymisfit. 

Well it is a puzzle indeed but in my experience with all this subject it is really important to try to stay grounded and function in everyday life and to dose this questions of understanding what it can be etc. After I post here I was researching a bit and learned new stuff about it, also watched this documentary "Crazywise" (only available on Vimeo and need to pay for it) about understanding mental health states from western and 'primitive' cultures. It was hard to watch in some parts but it has good messages about how to use this state of mind/spirit for better cause. But even in the cultures who don't see psychosis or schizophrenia as 'broken brain' and more like 'spiritual awakening' they make sure that person who is dealing with this has his mentor (often shamans) who is guiding them through transformation process. In their beliefs it important to use that experience and for person with the 'symptoms' to see it as something good and contribute to society. 
Now, since we are living in western society where they treat people with psychological symptoms as animals most of the people don't find good mentor/psychotherapist and deal with that alone which is pretty sad. 

In my case, in my 'recovery' phase, I had non-typical psychotherapist who didn't put to much focus on diagnosis label and followed the protocol. Through years of therapy he guided me step by step to detect my patterns, forgive myself, encourage me to step into world, embrace my individuality and so on. Also I had luck with few friends and meeting right people during last years so. Also, Even that I am stable for long time I still take medications (antipsychotic) who help me be grounded and functional. 

 

Every person has it's own recipe and path with this. I found really helpful having biorhythm like going to sleep and wake up in similar time and have enough sleep (8 hours) is super important. Sleep is really good for brain to balance, if you have problems with it maybe to try to take some sleeping pills to have calmer dreams also :) 

In my case, I don't remember my dreams since I was 10 yo. Before that I was sleepwalking as a kid and had really vivid dreams but after that I (Luckily) sleep tight and almost nothing can wake me up. 

 

Try to do some activities to express yourself more, like writing/painting to get out thing in your head/soul in some creative channel (that was my trick also :) ) 

and decoding this things what are you seeing or experiencing when you are stressed/non-focused/in panic is maybe not the best. Brain is really powerful tool and can trick you sometimes. 

 

Hang in there, step by step :) 

 

 

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