Curious1 Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 I tried to stand up for myself against a psychopath in my workplace who has been making my life a misery, this backfired. This person is highly educated and they are respected because of this, their work outputs however are not as high as others at their level, they like to have responsibility without doing the work, they are cold, intimidating, manipulative and entirely lacking in empathy, they seem to charm the right people however. Higher management sought to silence me when I spoke about this person's conduct, for some reason this person just gets away with ill treatment of others and never accepts that they are in the wrong, anyone who challenges them is seen as being disrespectful of them. I am now being shunned by other staff, isolated and lacking support. I am trying to get another job but progression in my specialism seems to result in interviews with people connected to this person who maybe don't know what they are really like. I have had a few interviews now, feedback is almost identical each time, along the lines of I'm appointable but someone else was a better fit. I struggle to maintain my focus, which I need to do until I can move on. My confidence has also been knocked. Any advice on keeping motivated in this situation and successfully moving on is a appreciated. I don't go into detail about what I have been subjected to given this is a public forum, I have not had to deal with someone like this before. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackJohnson Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 Sorry to hear that. The amount of people of that type sure seem to be on the rise in this world. You don't get much of anywhere from challenging a psychopath or a narcissist head-on. They love the control, the feel of having everything work out exactly how they want and when they want . And what's worse, is the possibility of the backlash with narcissistic rage. If their perceived reputation or their flawless image of(just a facade, of course) gets dinged, there's a chance they seek to ruin you, or even drive you to desolation and suicide. Your best bet could be to simply focus on your work, and you could try avoiding needless contact with the said person. And maybe try to soothe your mind with music while you are off work or something, or hit the gym. Dietary aids might be another crutch you might be interested in looking into while looking for work. Apologies that I'm not that much of help here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curious1 Posted February 26, 2021 Author Share Posted February 26, 2021 3 hours ago, JackJohnson said: Sorry to hear that. The amount of people of that type sure seem to be on the rise in this world. You don't get much of anywhere from challenging a psychopath or a narcissist head-on. They love the control, the feel of having everything work out exactly how they want and when they want . And what's worse, is the possibility of the backlash with narcissistic rage. If their perceived reputation or their flawless image of(just a facade, of course) gets dinged, there's a chance they seek to ruin you, or even drive you to desolation and suicide. Your best bet could be to simply focus on your work, and you could try avoiding needless contact with the said person. And maybe try to soothe your mind with music while you are off work or something, or hit the gym. Dietary aids might be another crutch you might be interested in looking into while looking for work. Apologies that I'm not that much of help here. This person almost did drive me to suicide a few years ago. I have noticed that others deal with them by treating them like they are more important than they are, this person likes to be made to feel important and he rewards those who just seem to submit to them. If you please this person they will give you opportunities and more responsibility, otherwise you get treated as I have. I think those who are in their favour may copy their behaviours in future when they are in a similar position, and the cycle continues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rideforever Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 @Curious1 Someone at work? Why do you encounter this person? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitkat Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 1 hour ago, Curious1 said: This person almost did drive me to suicide a few years ago. I have noticed that others deal with them by treating them like they are more important than they are, this person likes to be made to feel important and he rewards those who just seem to submit to them. If you please this person they will give you opportunities and more responsibility, otherwise you get treated as I have. I think those who are in their favour may copy their behaviours in future when they are in a similar position, and the cycle continues. Well I reckon a good few folks would say rise above it and ignore this person etc etc, but from personal experience I would say leave the job and get away from this toxic bastard. You sound like you have been boxed in - not only by the psycho, but by management too, who very obviously have not addressed your issue. Why give anything of yourself to any person or any company that blatantly couldn't give a shit about you? Get out and find something else - even if its a stepping stone to what you are better suited for. Don't give these life sucking parasites and inch. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackJohnson Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Curious1 said: This person almost did drive me to suicide a few years ago. I have noticed that others deal with them by treating them like they are more important than they are, this person likes to be made to feel important and he rewards those who just seem to submit to them. If you please this person they will give you opportunities and more responsibility, otherwise you get treated as I have. I think those who are in their favour may copy their behaviours in future when they are in a similar position, and the cycle continues. Sounds like a textbook example of a narc. And it's good to hear that you survived. Keep doing that. That type of "humans" would literally get kicks out of itand laugh out loud about it when alone if you offed yourself. And yeah, sucking up to them, and being meek or making yourself out be lesser than them, does seem to work. How much it's worth though... Edited February 26, 2021 by JackJohnson 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluke Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluke Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 Hi Curious sorry to video dump here was a bit rude of me. I've pmd you a link that might help might be useless to you. This is a common problem and I had to deal with snakes like this in the workplace so I know how it feels. Unfortunately they seem to be in every facet of our society. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hakanvid Posted March 23, 2022 Share Posted March 23, 2022 Keep Your Emotions in Check. No matter how frustrated or upset you feel, keep your emotions in check Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hakanvid Posted March 24, 2022 Share Posted March 24, 2022 On 3/23/2022 at 6:26 AM, hakanvid said: Keep Your Emotions in Check. No matter how frustrated or upset you feel, keep your emotions in check and Don't Show That You're Intimidated 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azy Posted March 30, 2022 Share Posted March 30, 2022 (edited) Start martial arts, problem solved. It will improve your attitude to dealing with nutcases who reckon they're hard but just have a thin outer shell with soft jelly inside. If despite that you are still losing your mind then gtfo of dodge, no job is worth sacrificing your mental health for especially with all the shit already going on in the world. Worse case scenario, no shame in getting a job at b&q or a supermarket. Or deliveries. Or call centre. Lots of options to save your sanity. Edited March 30, 2022 by Azy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allymisfit Posted April 5, 2022 Share Posted April 5, 2022 I've spent the last few days watching videos on narcissists. It's been quite an eye opener! Worth watching as many as you can so you know how to deal with these types. They believe they're entitled to everything and see people as objects. They also make the worst lovers. Terribly. These people will never truly be happy.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommydrifter Posted April 8, 2022 Share Posted April 8, 2022 On 2/26/2021 at 6:54 PM, JackJohnson said: And what's worse, is the possibility of the backlash with narcissistic rage. walking on eggshells ? narcissistic supply X 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommydrifter Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 mentalism mind-pattern >> negative experience mind-pattern >> positive experience foundational mind-pattern victim-mentality? ----- obsessions and addictions am i in control of what other people think about me? am i in control of what i think about me? am i in control of what other people think? am i in control of what i think? affirmations release psychological conditioning punishment > reward > punishment > reward "...he loves me? he loves me not? he loves me? he loves me not?..." affirmations accept contact? no contact? boundaries fight or flight affirmations affirm sources/credits: www.expansions.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kj35 Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 On 2/26/2021 at 11:48 AM, Curious1 said: This person almost did drive me to suicide a few years ago. I have noticed that others deal with them by treating them like they are more important than they are, this person likes to be made to feel important and he rewards those who just seem to submit to them. If you please this person they will give you opportunities and more responsibility, otherwise you get treated as I have. I think those who are in their favour may copy their behaviours in future when they are in a similar position, and the cycle continues. I've found the only effective way to deal with a psychopath in a position of power over you is to remove yourself from the line of power. I had to leave a job I loved after months of sexual harassment and bullying as the person tried to exert their power over me and my decisions. Their failure infuriated them and led to more and more erratic behaviour eventually meaning they were found out and sacked by their own actions. Meanwhile I had to repair my damaged reputation (the psycho spread lies about me) in another part of the company. Which I did, mostly. The people like who you described who enabled the psycho had their behaviour examined too and drifted off into obscurity. It's a horrible situation to find yourself in. I hope you are well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommydrifter Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 "no" / i \ affirmations release accept affirm visualisations Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truepositive Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 Go off-script. Not just when it comes to psychos but in a large number of situations. In any 'social interaction' with 99.9999% of people, some form of mental model exists, or arises during, of 'what is supposed to happen' at specific points. Do not get caught in the model but do something unpredictable and wholly different. It works with predators too, yes actual tigers and stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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