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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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(What i wrote below was written within the first few months of the journal. i list it here to explain my use of swear words, and also to apologise for the use thereof. i swear out of shock, rather than frustration or anger. i would like to stop this habit as i don't like using unpleasant words - they are not me, and i don't like speaking like that.

Since writing what is below, i have also made peace with my species. I have moved on.)


[Before we begin with the journal in earnest, please understand why Steven is so forthcoming in using swear or cuss words throughout this journal. You might think that I come from the “other” side of the railway line, or that I was brought up in the docks where I got my vocabulary from drunken sailors. On both accounts you are incorrect.


Last night these Energy Parasites from a dimension close to ours came and implanted a dream into my sleeping state. (This is what they do every night to me and to you.)

In this dream, I was walking in my beloved Drakensburg mountain range. Then I saw this large snake that was slithering around. There were two ladies walking by, and before I could warn them about the snake, this snake shot forth and bit one of the ladies. This lady gave out a scream in shock and fright. I went to her side, and told her that I would go and find help.

As I was walking, I suddenly saw these snakes all around me. These snakes were poised and ready to strike the people that were walking by.

Understand that the dream was as real as if I would be seeing these images in my waking state.


When I awoke from this dream, I saw just to the left of my bed this entity that had implanted the dream. This “thing” had accumulated my life force energy, and was licking up the bits of my energy that were overflowing from the vessel in which it was stored. This vessel or container was used to carry my energy to this Energy Parasites dimension or world.

These beings that feed off of our energy every night are horrid beyond words.


In trying to make sense of our world and the Human race that inhabits it, Steven has taken away all the fancy wrapping paper that sugarcoats our existence, and has taken a good hard look at what makes up our core being. Take away our reflex smiles and the distractions that this world has to offer, and what are people at their core?

My answer is that I would gladly face the Energy Parasites than us Human beings.

As we go along with the journal, you will see that we are at the very bottom of the food chain – these Parasites do with us as they please. The reason for this is that we are truly a lost, unpleasant species.


So the reason for my free-flowing use of “bad” vocabulary that is used by those that stay on the other side of the railway tracks, is that I may express my bewilderment at how horribly cruel these Energy Parasites and the Human race can be.

I do not so much swear in anger or frustration, but rather in shock that we are surrounded by such mean individuals and entities. I am not giving the Human race stick, as I understand that we are all doing our best just to survive. What amazes me is that at our core we are capable of being so incomprehensibly evil.   


In swearing, I am not trying to be a “shock-jock” that uses language to make people cringe in disgust. Steven sees this world for what it is, as well as those that feed off its misery, and he is stunned by what he sees. This bewilderment to the cruelty and ignorance all around us is expressed in swear words, as Steven finds it hard to understand the lack of empathy of those that reside in, as well as those that rule over our world.

I mean no disrespect to you the reader by freely scattering swear words throughout this journal. My disrespect is towards the cruelty of Life, and I am amazed that we see the suffering of others as a natural phenomenon associated with Life.


And lastly, if you are so offended by the swear words sprinkled here and there, then this journal is not for you. Understand that there are bigger problems at hand with the world that we reside in other than you being offended by the “F” word. I urge you to take a deep breath and look beyond the words that you are not accustomed to hearing or seeing, and understand that we all need to become offended by what demented entities are doing to us and our loved ones, rather than focusing on the trivialities of Life that touch our sensitive ego.]


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What is interesting to note, is that when one opens oneself up to experience Love, an ice-coldness fills oneself.  Your body becomes freezing cold inside.

Are we experiencing the core of us the biological computer as we detach from the illusion? Is the biological computer like the digital computer, where it needs a core environment of cold to survive? (Server rooms for digital computer systems need to be kept cold.) My body is ice-cold inside.


A warmth then sets in. Now the biological computer is out the way, and what we imply by this is that we may experience what is out there, rather than what we have been programmed to experience.

The abdominal area, as in digestive system, was the heart and soul of us the biological computer – this is where everything was primarily regulated. I say this because excessive movement is still felt over this region.

It sounds obvious when I say that our hands were a vital cog in us the biological machine.

Now a wave of the coldness returns. The ice-coldness is back. I smell those from the shadows now. Is their system of control over us being overridden?

Now I feel the nail area of the right big toe come to life. It has been known for some time now that this area is where what many call the Serpent energy; the kundalini energy is activated. (My take on this awakening is that Creation has come alive within you as now you are one with the Creator – the strand within you.) This – what you are – is as natural as breathing.


The frequency of Hell is inhabited by those who know better – as in what is best for themselves. That others are destroyed so that these Beasts may be okay is irrelevant. This was the catastrophe of the parasitic frequency of Deception within: the singular was born; we became me. From the singular, clusters of singulars arose, where “I am a sicko, and you are a sicko, but you seem like a nice enough bloke, so it’s okay that we are both sickos.” By forming societies, or gatherings, the singular could justify that it was okay to be singular, as there are many singulars out there. Now there was no shame in being a sicko, and the answer to being the alternative, as in being innocent/pure, was to destroy innocence as it had the capacity to show these monsters what they had become.  

Let this be a reminder, as well as a warning: Learn from the past. I have been to a world where everything has been destroyed. The only life there is a worm – what I call the parasitic frequency of Deception. This is where the filth from the shadows has headed, and continues to do so. Their illusionary power takes them further and further into the abyss, where they destroy themselves and those around them. For the innocent, the only salvation is to hold onto their sanity – their good hearts. But my goodness me, how many innocent have caved in to the insanity of Life where they also become insane?


What will you do with the power of your Love? Will it go to your head – will you become important? Will you become always right? Will your power make you insane as the worlds of Hell become your oyster – your play- ground? Will you become another false god – an insane/cruel Beast?

Whatever you choose to do with your power of Love, choose wisely, because the beggar you meet may just be a King or Queen. Love loves all, even the merciless monsters. You are Love, you don’t need anything else, so give to those that need. How you give is through example. They see you and then they become you.


Always be humble.


So what is Love? What does it feel like to be Love?

Love is to have everything, and to be everything, as you are one with the Infinite. This we know. Sounds great, but means nothing when you are battling to survive amongst Beasts in the seen and unseen. How do we rise above all this mess. The answer is what I have always wished for – to be me, so that we may once again be we; to be Love.

11:20 on 11/05/2021 [989 948]


All that happened was that mer-people came in my sleep state. About five of them were working within me, and one was overseeing them – she was one with the waters as she was suspended motionless with her long beautiful tail.




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Yesterday evening I was once again touched by the insanity/cruelty of my fellow species.

What I done to this insanity was the only thing left to do, and that is connect my strand to the Infinite through my will of wanting this more than anything.


We the biological computer called Homo Sapiens, as well as all the manufactured species within Hell, have never known of a time when Love conquered all – where these Beasts in the seen and unseen scurried into their little holes and stayed there. Evil has always ruled over us, even when times were good, and one needs to ask why is this so?

I would say the answer is that we have never known ourselves, and this is so because we have been controlled by those from the shadows. Steven has been one of the fortunate few – he has seen his executioners and felt their death blows. Without this knowing I would have been a dead man a long time ago.


The writing of this journal, as well as the postings on the David Icke forum are for those that need to understand the cruelty of Life and to find a way out of this mess. I do not want others to go through what I have been through, so everything I know I pass on so that I may help, just as I would have been eternally grateful if someone helped me before this journal began.

But this journal is primarily for the Beasts of Hell, so that they may understand what they have become. Trust me when I say that many, if not most, of those from the shadows will make an about turn in their existence only when their world and what they know falls apart. Only then will they have time to reflect, and to be fair to these monsters, we the species of Hell are the same. The wake up calls never wakes us up and gets our attention. It is when the roof collapses and the floor caves in that we say: “What is going on here?” And this I understand, because deep down we do not have an answer to the insanity of Life, so we get on with our lives ignoring the Beast in our midst, hoping that everything will be okay.


Well it will not be okay unless we start to see what is staring us in the face and say “No more” to this madness. That is when your life changes on a different path. I have been on this path for too long, and the only conclusion I have to end this awful existence is to know yourself and be yourself. Why Divine intervention cannot just pick us up and take us Home is beyond me. If you are in a position where you can help others, you would do so, so why does the Divine not help us? Why has the Divine never helped us? When Stalin murdered thirty million of his own by starving them, all those people had as they watched their loved ones literally fade away and starve to death was their faith in their religion/God. That is thirty million with their faith/belief against one man, and the singular won. Wow! How is this possible? It is possible because all we have is to wait and to hope, and maybe throw a tantrum here and there.


I see these fuckers, these Fauchis and Hancocks and Gates’ and I know, just as I know that the sun will rise tomorrow, that these madmen will have their day when they one day have to look at themselves in the mirror and see what they have become and what they have done. They will answer to themselves, and I doubt they will have mercy on themselves, as how could one be so incomprehensibly cruel? While they slide into this oblivion they want to take us with them, and there are so many of us that are holding onto this hope that everything will just be okay. Well it won’t if we don’t do anything about it.

Their lies will be exposed for all to see – for that I am certain, and what I also know is that their cruelty/insanity will not be allowed to play out where we are destroyed. Our destruction has happened so often in our history, and here we are, once again, staring at the barrel of a gun – or should I say an injection.


God helps those who help themselves. That is the only answer I can give you as to why we have NEVER been helped. I cannot even say that we got ourselves into this mess, as that would be unfair, as we never truly had a fighting chance against those who manufactured us. It just would have been more pleasant if we showed compassion to ourselves and others – it would have made Hell more bearable to live in, but let’s face it – we would still have been in our coops feeding our energy to those from the shadows.


Last night I had my back up against the wall as I once again experienced the insanity of my species. The only thing left to do was to connect my strand to the Infinite. I did not wait for S or the Divine or the Infinite, because I have been waiting since my inception as a manufactured being.

Years back I wrote in the journal that when I pass on the first celestial being that I see will get a knuckle sandwich from me square in their face. Where were these fuckers when we needed them? Our so-called spiritual guides and guardian angels – where were they while the children are being raped and destroyed and deprived of their innocence?

This is the one question I don’t understand: “Why did the Infinite never intervene?”


When The Wisdom Goddess Sophia fell for the second time to be with her children, out of reflex the Infinite passed on Love to assist. This help came to be known as The Glow. All was illuminated by the presence of this Glow. Semiramis knew that Divinity would send help, and when it came she stood behind this Glow. We equated this Glow with Semiramis, as she knew we would, and that is when we bowed down to “one that was bigger than us.” We gave our power to Semiramis, and that is why we no longer have power, as we hope that one bigger than us will look after us.

My friend the god of Wrath took me and showed me what happened when this Glow that Semiramis made her own touched all within Hell. He showed me two brothers that were walking in middle/inner Earth. I saw the Glow at it touched the one brother, and then I saw how this man killed his brother and his brothers family. In surrendering our power to Semiramis we surrendered our reasoning and our good hearts and we became evil within. Is that why we have never been helped, because we surrendered our power – it was never taken from us. We are all Love, so why do we have to look to a Glow or to a God for help?


The only advice I can give is take back your power that you gave away. Take it back now by knowing how and why you gave it away.

From there connect your strand within to the Infinite. Something within you knows of this Glow that I speak about, as you were there and saw it. Know now that an insane entity stood behind this Glow and made it her own. Connect once again to this Glow, but only to the Glow and nothing else. This was the Divinity that the All sent to help all. Connect to it, as this is all we have. I do not know of another way out of Hell.


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What Semiramis bestowed upon me, and all those I Love, and all those who Love me, I return to her. (We give her back her false god status.)

Then I take back the power we gave to her, and once again we make this power our own. (This power is not needing or wanting for anything, as we are Everything.)

Then we connect to The Glow that the Infinite bestowed upon us and make this Love once again our own so that we may remember what we are, and thus be what we are.

Then I connect to Semiramis and all her children and pass on this Love to them so that they may understand and be. The same is done to Sophia and her children.


So be it.


09:48 on 13th May, 2021.


Here in South Africa we have a thing called “caged hunting.” You put a lion, or some other wild animal in a confined space. Someone from overseas comes here with big money, picks up a rifle, and shoots the wild animal in its cage.

But let’s face it – even to track and kill an animal as it roams in the bush – what chance does the animal have against a bullet shot from a high caliber rifle? And they call it “sport.”


Last night another cosmic assassin came. Haven’t seen one of them for a while. This guy was a Human male, and from his implanted dream I guess he was once American. In my sleep state I saw him look at me, and then he turned around and walked a few paces away from me. Now he was in better range, so he turned around, aimed, and shot at me with his gun.

Wow! What a brave and courageous man – shooting at the innocent, as they are helpless against you.

What came from this guys “gun” was a living organism. It wrapped around my chest to compress and destroy the area.


They hit the astral form and damage that, and from there the astral passes this harm onto us the body form. We become ill or not well or in pain, and for the life of us we cannot understand why. Now you know why? Now you know why people die when they are not meant to die – it was not their time, but on the unseen the cosmic assassins hit their mark.


Similarly, the EMF frequency they are pulsating at us is killing people and the blame is put on a virus. If there was meant to be genocide, we would all be destroyed yesterday. But this is all just a game, with them testing the waters to see what will and won’t work. Remember, those from the shadows have to look after themselves, so what they do with their food source is vital that it is done right.


All this writing over all these years.

At least now I understand why we have been helpless as evil swept over the lands: At the very beginning we gave our power away to one we thought would look after us. That is why our strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness is pretty well useless – the power that was there we gave away. Is it enough to know of this and reclaim our power through our will? I don’t know. Time will tell.


That the clock is ticking I know all to well.


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So where is the Infinite? – It is everywhere, even here in this illusionary frequency bubble called Hell.

What is our connection/link to the Infinite? – It is the strand of the Creator located at our throat area. This connection we severed when we gave our power away, but guess what – our power was taken from us through deception. This we understand, as the parasitic frequency of Deception took over Semiramis and made her insane.


If I give you something, it is given with a good heart, and I don’t expect anything in return, except good manners. A “thank you,” or a “thanks, but no thanks” is in order. In the world of the unseen this “thanks” is enough of an energy exchange, but here in the physical a monetary exchange is often required to eliminate the grabbers, otherwise you help nobody.

When we gave of our power to Semiramis it was from a good heart, but we should have known that something was afoot. Since when do we bow down to others?


The question to ask, is did we give our power away with a good heart, as in good intentions? I would say no, because we gave to get. This we understand, as we were in the illusion and wanted to get back Home.

The point to make is that we have looked to others for help, and this has never worked, because deep down we all need something. We need to be loved and cared for and to be carefree, where we know we are safe and will never be harmed. What I have just mentioned is the fields of Infinite Love. So put another way, more than anything, we want to be Home.


Start again.

Shake off this frequency/state of “I need help!” As long as you feel that way you are going nowhere.

Open the strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness and allow the Love from the Infinite that is everywhere to engulf you and become you. To be free, you free yourself. Stop waiting and hoping and wanting. Just be.


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In one of his books, I don’t know which one, David Icke talks of correction codes placed around our world that locks us into this frequency. I am sure they are there, and they can be removed by knowing they are there, as they were placed there by buffoons that underestimate the power of Love.

But there is a stronger correction code that locks us into our prison so that we may remain helpless prisoners, and these codes are potent – because we put them there.


In the fields of the Infinite everything just is.

When we entered the illusionary Garden of Semiramis we were like kids in a candy store, excited by this illusion. As the parasitic frequency of Deception took us over, we began to forget ourselves – who and what we are. Now there were external stimuli, as in what can I accumulate, and what do others have that I don’t have?

Things went tits up and there was a fall, a cataclysm, and that is when Sophia fell out of reflex to be with her children in this dense plane. As has been mentioned, the Infinite sent what we would call The Glow to bail us out, and Semiramis hid behind this Glow so that she may be revered by all.

We were in the shit, and we needed help, so when we saw Semiramis with this might around her, we asked her for help. Surely she must know better than us, especially to find a way out of this place we don’t know, so we gave her our power and said “Lead the way.”


Please understand that we came from a place of Bliss, where there is Love and nothing else. This is our natural state. Besides the fact that Semiramis had no intention of finding a way out of the Garden that would become known as Hell, we opened ourselves up to what would be known as “a business transaction,” where two parties benefit from a deal. We gave her our power, and she would lead us Home. Once again, understand that in the fields of the Infinite this “give to get” does not exist. So what we done was destined to fail, but it was more than that, as now we locked ourselves into a barter relationship, where I help you, and you help me. This is unnatural, and this barter system came to be our correction codes. I need help, and you need help, so let’s do what we can to help each other. WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Help yourself, because everything you need is within you.


It was the parasitic frequency of Deception that arose from our curiosity that buggered everything up, as in “what is in this Garden?” This frequency took hold within the illusion and changed us for the worse, where we literally became insane, most notably Semiramis. If we all just knew of The Glow, as in what it is and from where it arose, we would have gone Home in the instant, and Hell would not have been born. All this shit; all this heartache; all this sorrow was nobody’s fault. Just call it bad luck.


On Friday evening I watched a movie called The Stanford Prison Experiment. The movie was based on a study done by the psychology department at Stanford University at the beginning of the 70’s. The study was meant to be over two weeks, but everything went south in a really bad way after just six days.

There were two groups in the study: one group prison wardens, and the other group prisoners. The simulation was rooms converted into prison cells at the university, and the hallway was the outside prison yard.

What happens when others have power/control over others? As the experiment showed, the Beast within comes out and we the innocent are quickly shamed as we are powerless to this unknown within our species. What replaced the power that we gave away was a hope that we would consider each other and be nice to each other. This never happened, as our new power, where we shame others, was and is intoxicating – we love it. Now our “power” has returned, and it feels good. That others have to suffer is irrelevant, as it is about me, me and me.


When the person who arranged the whole experiment saw how these young boys were destroying and shaming each other, he stepped in and said that the experiment was over. There and then, in the hallway, this experiment that turned into a nightmare was over.

And this, boys and girls, has never happened to us! Never before has the Infinite stepped in to this place/frequency that is awful to so many and said: “This Game in this illusionary Garden is over!” And I would say that there has never been a need for the Infinite to step in, as everything we need to be free of this Garden is within us. I would say that we just never looked hard enough, and we never supported each other. It was easier to break and shame others than uplift them.


Please understand that this limited frequency of “I need help” is within us. This “correction code,” where we keep ourselves in a loop, hoping that help will come, is located on the frequency level within our left jugular vein. The other night I felt something there, and for the life of me I didn’t know what it was. Now I do.

Release this frequency from your space, so that you may be free of the illusion.


What are you? You are the strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness that is located on the biological computer within the area we call the throat. When we say “just be,” we imply just be this strand. In this state you are automatically in the silence/stillness of the strand, and that is when Life as we knew it starts to change. With time you will see yourself the biological computer as an outsider, as now you have perspective – you have distance from what you always were.

Of course we have to get on with Life and do what needs to be done here, but take time off your busy schedule where you sit alone in a quiet place and get to know yourself. You are this strand at the throat area. With your correction codes removed, the only thing limiting you now is yourself, so don’t hold back – go Home and allow this state to take you over.

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Yesterday, in more ways than one, I stepped out of my prison to help – to help for the sake of helping and nothing else.

What I saw was those that needed help, but did not want help when it was offered, and those that needed help, and when they were given help, did not know what to do with this help, as they did not know what help was.


What we have allowed others to do to us, and what others have done to themselves has spun out of control. The result is that we are all insane.

For most, Life is no longer fun. I am talking about all those in all the frequencies, worlds and dimensions of Hell.


Last night in my sleep state a dream was once again implanted. I was cooking over a stove, but I poured too much oil into the pan. Now I had to take a jug and remove the excess oil.

Then I awoke to see the one who had implanted the dream. She sat on the bed next to me. Her hair was brown and shoulder length, and her face was hidden – as in there was a shadow there and nothing else. Then I had a flash vision of me being in her world. I was outside and saw this archway that extended about a kilometer into the sky. I marveled at this feat in architecture. Her world was about 120 years ahead of ours in terms of technology. I assume she had passed on from her world and was now in the shadows. I saw her sitting next to me as I lay in bed, and she brought this contraption with her that had long levers. She pulled on a level, and something that was alive was maneuvered into my left leg. It filled up most of my left leg.


So once again, I helped – all those in all the worlds, frequencies and dimensions of Hell. What I done to me, I done to all, as what has been done to me has been done to all to a greater or lesser extent.

I awakened the strand in all, and from the strand Love was sent to all those entities that were in our forms that did not belong. If you use your breathing as a bellows to get the strand stronger activated, this helps a lot. It took about twenty minutes to remove the entity/entities that did not belong. From there, the strand cleared/healed the lower limbs, the torso, and the head and arms. This took over two hours.


Then I fell into a deep sleep, and my astral form found itself in my garden. My wife was there, and I saw a rhinoceros following her. Another one came to stand right in front of me. I put my hands out and touched both, and I told them I am sorry for what we have done to them – poaching them. The rhino next to my wife was the astral form of a rhino, and the one in front of me was a decoy. I looked into this rhinos eye, and I saw a man sitting inside the rhino. This rhino was a front; an illusion. Its body disappeared and this man and his monsters were in full sight. All that was left of this man was his mouth – there were bits of him here and there, but nothing much, besides his mouth. The monsters with him were like parts of an octopus. I felt these big, warm tentacles as they pushed against the left side of my neck. Then the lights came on in the room as my wife stood up to get ready for work, but I still felt these creatures working around my left jugular vein.


If there is one thing, and only one that you need to understand, it is that if you don’t have Love you have nothing. If you do not have empathy and compassion and consideration inside of you that is expressed for all to see, you have nothing.

It is not that we do not so much care, it is that we are so lost that we have forgotten what it means to laugh and be joyous and to have a bond of compassion with others.  


There is much that we may still want as we live out our existence within the frequency or world or dimension of Hell where we find ourselves, and by all means, obtain these wants to make your existence comfortable and safe, but please understand that if you do not first and foremost have Love as a foundation within your existence, you have nothing. In understanding this, envy disappears from your world. I know of people who have money and they have nothing, as they knowingly don’t consider others.

Walk out your prison and create a world within the world or frequency or dimension in which you reside, but create this world on Love. Build your castle while your body form plays out its time, but let your world be one of Love. Otherwise you will continue to have nothing.  

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So that was the secret; that was the easy way out of this mess: Understand what we are, and where we are, and where we should be, and then step out of your prison that you created so that you may feel safe in a world where few care.

As long we are in our prison, we are controlled by those in the seen and unseen. These Beasts can do with us as they wish because we are in their world, where anything goes. By freeing yourself from the prison you created you are free of them.


Build your castle, and your pathway back Home.

10:37 18th May, 2021 (7 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, 1 day. That is how long this journal took until our release from our prison.)


I see those from the shadows in my sleep state, and I see their pet Serpents.

These Beasts can no longer touch me. I feel and see them around me as they try to enter my forms, but this is not possible, as they are in their world/prison and I am free from mine.


My astral form is travelling the worlds as Steven lays in bed and sleeps at night. The down side is that Steven doesn’t get a good night’s sleep, as he follows the adventures of the astral.


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One half of our property is what they would call veld – which is a piece of open wilderness. Mention was made in the journal of our cat Cosmo who spent the first year or so of his life in this veld alone. In that year I never saw him, but my wife mentioned she saw him on the odd occasion when the dogs chased him.

Last year we came back from holiday and Cosmo was in the house – he came to eat our cats food. From there we began to feed him, and in no time he was part of the family. I came to understand that he has always been a part of my life, as when he is around me it is as if he never left my side.


Last night in my sleep state I felt this demon and its monsters literally try and push into my space. They done everything they could to enter my space, but could not do so. (Will explain shortly how one prevents them from entering your space – those from the seen and the unseen.)

Then my astral form went down memory lane – I went to the beginning when I first met Cosmo.  (I looked back at a snippet of time in a world I inhabited a long time ago.)  What I saw first was me and my current wife in a room. She has the art of putting a weight around my heart, where for the life of her, she refuses to share a life with Steven where the two of them are carefree and happy. There always has to be an issue. That awful heaviness I saw and felt as I saw myself and my wife in that room in that world a long time ago.

To get out of that awful, heavy environment I went for a walk down to the sea that was nearby. In this world the people and animals were one and lived together for each other’s mutual benefit. I walked passed a fisherman who had some doorway of sorts into the ocean. He showed me and a few other spectators his two squid that caught fish for him.

In the next scene I was walking along the coast once again, and a kitten was running ahead of me. I called out to Cosmo and told him to slow down. Then I picked him up as we walked along this promenade so that he could have a better view of the sea. The sea was flat – there were no waves, and there were mountains nearby flanking the sea. I showed Cosmo the sea. He looked at it with mixed awe and trepidation. I told him he was born next to the sea. This statement he repeated to me. (Communication between people and animals was natural in this world.) Then I asked him if he wanted to go back to the house to my wife, and he said he wanted to do so.

We passed the fisherman on the way back, and I looked into his gateway into the ocean and could see how one of his squid had caught a large fish.


As I lay in bed I awoke from this trip into the past to the time I first met Cosmo, and the tears rolled down my eyes. I also thought of the relationship with my wife then and how it is now, where nothing has changed. To say that meeting my wife was a mistake is unfair, as there is a lot of good to her, and if it was not for her this journal would never have happened as nobody else would have put up with my Loser status.


I would say that Life has been a mistake.

On paper it sounds majestic and worth living, but the reality is that there is more sorrow and heartache that joy and peace. Life as we know it should not have meant to be.


Yesterday I thought to myself what has been the returns for me from this journal – what have I gotten out of it? I could not properly answer that question yesterday, but now I can.

There have been two returns on my investment: The first one is that the world of the Shadows has been rattled. When you walk through a door and do what you always have, but now you can’t, that is when you start to know yourself and question what you have allowed yourself to become. These Beasts that rule us from the shadows will never be the same again, and neither will their world, and as their world affects our world, our world and all those other worlds in Hell will never be the same again. Life will transform – that I guarantee you.

The second return on investment is that our existence is no longer limited, as it always has been. We know of love, but this love that defines and makes our existence worthwhile is extremely limited. A true mothers love for her children knows of this love, and the love that we have for our animals touches this love in its purest form. But this love has never been one to stop monsters from the seen and unseen from entering our space. This love is weak, and has no strength within the worlds of Hell. This love is the ceiling in our existence – we don’t go higher than that.

Well now we can.


Picture a moment when you love something or something loves you back. When I sit on the bench outside our dog Princess will come and worm her way under my arm and put her face close to mine. She loves me and I love her.

From this image, where someone or something loves you or you love them, from there drop yourself into the space of the strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness located at your throat area. (What you are doing is elevating yourself to a Love that is higher than the one you have always known.) When you are in this space of Love you automatically fall into the silence – a silent knowing of who and what you are. Now there is no ceiling in your existence; now there is no limitation.


We all need help, but we have looked for help in the wrong places.

I see Princess looking at me with love, and from there I drop into the space of the strand, and from there this Love connects me to the Infinite. Now I get help from one who can help.


May your life and mine never be the same again.

So be it.

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14 hours ago, steven geldenhuys said:

I would say that Life has been a mistake.

On paper it sounds majestic and worth living, but the reality is that there is more sorrow and heartache that joy and peace. Life as we know it should not have meant to be.


I like what you write in this thread. In fact yours is the only post that I normally read in the past couple of months. The rest of the forum doesn't make sense now...


However, based on my personal research and journey---one has to be careful about the word 'love'. Even David Icke has said that it is quite misunderstood and mis-applied in society currently. Love if not understood properly is the last trap.

One feels 'pious' and less 'sinful' with the idea of love and therefore it is s good start to channelise our emotions, but even love has to be abandoned at the fnal stage and one has to shed everything and step over the edge (I do not mean literally of course!). 

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the love that we know, where we feel an affinity to something or someone is a honey-trap, as it pulls one into a state of emotions, but most importantly, we allow someone or something into our space. a partnership, be it in business or romance is so often a dangerous game. for me, the trick is to know yourself, and stand firm within yourself, and from there find others who you like being around, as any life in any world really means nothing if you dont have someone to share it with. (i share my life with the animals, and this is almost enough for me. what would complete me is to uplift the innocent, not necessarily by giving, but sharing joy and laughter.)


when i talk about Love, it is a state that we dont really know, as it defines fulfillment with yourself and all around you. it is a peace that i think few have found, and yet it is a state that naturally belongs to us. it is to live and be joyous, but not from external stimuli, but rather from what you have become.


thanks for your constructive input.

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The biggest destroyer of souls is loneliness. We can endure most that Life throws at us, but to be alone – to not have a connection/bond with one of your own allows one to live in a void; a vacuum. For me, one cannot get much lower into Hell than this, as loneliness is the complete opposite to what we should be, which is Oneness with all and sundry.


Mention has been made in the journal of the night when the god of Wrath came to visit me in my room – where we told my astral form to come with him as he wants to show me something. The first thing he showed me was a Tree – a tree in an African bush with bees nests embedded in certain areas of its branches. People came to collect honey from this tree, and two Black men, who were keepers of the Tree, collected and passed on this honey to them.


This Tree that I was shown was a representation of the Tree of Life within the fields of the Infinite. The problem this god of Wrath and others have, is that we have a limited dialogue and vision – they show us so that we may understand, but what we are meant to see we could not comprehend in our limited imagination, vision and understanding. About once a day over the last few days I see a pin-head speck of light around me. (I see it in the moment, and then it is gone.) What I am meant to see; what is really there, I don’t have the capacity to absorb and make my own, so all I see is this little ball of light. What if in that little ball of “nothing” is the Everything?


To connect to the Everything, one needs to be on the same page – we need a language, a vision, a state that all can understand. This connection is the strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness located at our throat area. When we truly understand and know, we will see this strand in all Life, but for now we need baby steps to walk out of our limited world.

In the Tree of Life in the fields of the Infinite is a strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness. Your strand within you connects to this strand that is the Tree. (For me, this Tree within the Infinite is more a visual symbol than anything else. It is the epicenter of the field that was created for us in play in. It reminded us that from the All we were born, and thus we are the All. It reminded us who and what we are.)


Now your strand is connected to this strand that is the Tree. Now we have grounding, and may there never be such an incomprehensibly lost state as loneliness ever again. This is for your astral form, as well as the Dragon and Serpent soul and spirits to understand, so that they may be this state of unity with the field into which they the strand was born into.

For us, the biological computer, we may know what we are, which is the strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness located at our throat area, but this means nothing – we are like a fish out of water, as this strand that is in all Life has been forgotten.

Yesterday evening we drove to this party venue place to go and pick up my daughter. For the first time in my life, I truly felt what it is like to be isolated. It is not so much fear one feels, but rather that we don’t belong in this strange place. How one overcomes this is to consciously awaken the strand in all Life in your world, and just because you can, awaken the strand in all worlds – because you can.

The strand within you the biological computer now connects to the strand located within the frequency range of your car, or the sea, or the plants outside your window – the real you connects to what is real all around you. For this to first and foremost happen, I would say one has to know thyself – in other words, the strand within has to know itself, and how this is done is by it connecting to this “Tree’s strand” within the fields of the Infinite.


We can talk about spiritual stuff until the cows come home, and it may be wonderful, but for me there has to come a time when enough has been said so that we may just live our lives as we should.

You want that job more than anything as it will make you most happy? – Then connect to the strand that is within that frequency that is the job and communicate with this strand to understand what is best for all.

We are no longer in the land of Sodom and Gomorrah; we are no longer Pinocchio and his friends that are in a place where anything goes. We know what we are, and we know where we are, and we know where we should be. But while we are here, let’s be joyous and happy – for ourselves and for others, as joy is a contagious thing that rubs off onto others. Make your world happy through understanding. Awaken the strand of those you would like to bring into your life.


Live without limits.

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So why is the strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness located at the area of the throat? Why is this omnipotent energy source that can be likened to the device found in the chest of Tony Stark/Iron Man, why did the cosmic geneticists place it at the level of the throat? The answer is the strands close proximity to many of the glands that make up the Endocrine system of the body, such as the thyroid, parathyroid, and the ones a few inches above these, namely the pineal and pituitary glands in the brain. Over seven years ago I remember writing in the journal about the significance of the Endocrine system, saying that this system is our bridge/link to the spiritual/unseen worlds.

What I never understood then, was that the Endocrine system was not so much our link into the unknown, but rather the unknowns link/connection to us. Our Endocrine system is the landing strip and portal into our space so that those from the shadows may access us and feed from us. Thus the strand is positioned so that it is pivotal to regulate this Endocrine system, but not for us – rather those for whom we are a food source.


When I drop into the silence of the strand there is a distinct zone between this area and the thoughts of the mind. The one area is the All, and the other is the program of us the biological computer. The silence of the strand hovers around the throat area, and when we exit this area we are back into the meaningless mind, where our thoughts have gotten us nowhere over thousands of years in terms of enlightenment.

An expression of the strand is through the heart energy field, but what this heart energy field is, is anybody’s guess. Our imagination and understanding is too limited to fathom this space.


So yesterday evening, as I lay in bed, I decided to incorporate the silence of the strand into the brain/mind area. This makes sense, as you want the strand to run the biological computer. After a few minutes this was easily done with our intent. When the strand engulfed the area of the brain, what I found interesting was feeling the control panel embedded into us the biological computer at the level of the left forearm and elbow region. This must be one of our “setting” panels within our forms. Mention was made of this panel months ago, and yet there it was – still there. The reasoning behind this “we change something within our forms, and then it is merely returned/changed back to what it was” can be found in our hive mind. This hive mind is, as you know, the collective mind of all in Hell. Thus the actions of some idiot on the other side of the planet, or on another world for that matter, has a ripple effect on all of us. We feel each other’s pain and sorrow. I rarely mention politics or current affairs in the journal, as we speak about the unseen, but I remember writing about the land of Israel years ago. I said that what is happening there is a testing ground for the rest of the world. What we allow to happen there, as in the persecution of the innocent, is what we will allow to happen to ourselves. Turn a blind eye, and when you turn a blind corner what you walked away from hits you in the face. For me, on a deeper level, we must understand that something is horribly wrong with this world, and more than anything, we will not allow this evil to sweep across the lands unchecked. Handing our food parcels will help, but the true transformation is within you, where you resolve to be what you are, which is something magical and omnipotent.


The silence of the strand hovered over the throat area and didn’t transmute the brain/mind, as the strand knows one has to see the bigger picture, because through your connection to the hive mind, what you change at the brain level within the space of the unseen is returned to what is was in that moment.

To what is the hive mind connected? For me, it is not the queen bee, namely Semiramis. If it was, we would all be gods in our own right, as her power is immense. The hive mind is connected to a program – what one could call a cosmic quantum computer. In the first year or so of the journal my astral form went to a place/space within the unseen worlds where there was a laboratory. I was shown how Life-forms were made. They are made in an instant. I believe that all the species in all the worlds of Hell come from one basic computer program, which is “take what you can out of the deal.” This state is the driver of Hell, shifting us further and further from what we are as we face the inevitable of our final fall into the Nothingness of the Forgotten.


Those from the shadows never thought we would understand and know of this strand of Godness from the Source of the Infinite that is within our midst. They never knew we would take it over and make it our own. Now the biological computer can access the real rather than the illusion.

In this midst of this cosmic quantum computer machine is a strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness. The strand within you connects to this “machines” strand, and by doing so, the program of Life that is connected to the hive minds is rewritten according to the “program” of the strand, which is Love. That is how we change the seen – by reprogramming the unseen with what is real, namely this strand that was born from the Source of the Infinite.

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The strength of the weak and the cruel is the lie. The destroyer of all that is Good is the lie.

The foundation of Hell, where this ship has being steered into an abyss, is the lie. For Hell to exist, we have to believe the lie. But we are not that stupid – eventually we will see through the lie. So what Hell done was meet us halfway, where we were given the truth, but this truth was a twisted truth.

That we were born of a God that loves us more than anything is the truth. That we were manufactured in a cosmic laboratory to be a slave species so that the cruel may feed from our energy is the truth. But which one of the last two statements are the truth? Both are. Which one is relevant to the Game of Life so that we may be suppressed and never know ourselves? – The first-mentioned truth, because what happened between when we were created and now will not be told. Only give them a heading, and all the writings that follow to explain the heading are omitted.

One of the Gods within the Infinite created the Dragon spirits which she loved more than anything. These spirits were destroyed through a series of unfortunate events, but a part of these Giants remains within us as the strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness. That truth is too much information, as our place is to be limited in an awful place called Hell. So get this: “You are loved by a God that loves you more than anything. So shut up and be thankful for what you have.”


This was the answer to those that steer Hell: Tell a lie, and eventually all will know the lie. Tell the truth and our Game is over. So we tell a twisted truth – a truth that leaves out vital pieces of understanding so that our slave species may never know themselves. Boeyaka! Got them for eternity!

We stand in a religious ceremony in front of all we love, most notably our creator, and we swear our undying love for the person standing next to us – till death do us part. This is the truth, that I love you. That I will destroy you and make your life a misery is also the truth, but we choose to omit this truth during our wedding vows. That so many break these vows, or keep them and remain miserable together, is testament to this truth – that all within Hell is twisted, especially this one thing we know to be the truth, which is love. Yes, Love is everything, but we do not know of this Love, and thus have no right to speak of this state as if it is our own.

We are loved and cared for, so that we may be fed from. What we do to the animals that we eat, those from the shadows do to us so that they may eat from our energy. The base ingredient in both dishes is fear, because at their core, this is what those from the shadows and the rulers of Hell are. They are fear, and this fear is from the unknown where they are steering themselves too. To call these insane, demented entities “adrenalin junkies,” where they love the thrill of steering into the unknown is not the truth. These fuckers are lost, and I believe they are running out of “twisted truth cards.”


This journal was allowed to be written. Steven the biological computer is not bigger than this Game. I am a nothing, and I say this because this is how I feel between spates of laughter now and then. We do our best to be happy, but do we really know where we are and what we are?

Semiramis knew her back was against the wall – it was only a question of time before all were destroyed, including herself. In my astral form I have been to this place called The Nothingness of the Forgotten. This is the final stop on the line where others may be abused so that we are okay. In this place we forget ourselves – we forget of that strand within us that is Good. Before this final stop, opportunities are presented to us to know ourselves; to know of this strand and be this strand. But how easy it is to be cruel. How easy it is to not extend a helping hand. How wonderful it is to walk over the downtrodden and take what is theirs. This is what those from the shadows do to us, and we learn from master, where we do the same to our own.


When I went to that cosmic laboratory to see how they make Life, I did not just walk in. The entities that were working there told me that I have been given special clearance to enter and see how plants, animals and living species are made.

I am not special – I am just one of many that have been given an opportunity to find a way out of this mess. To see those from the shadows that done their best to destroy me helped stay alive to tell the tale, but to face these monsters is nothing compared to living in a world amongst the insane. Around every corner you meet a fucker that is insaner than the previous one. What an awful place to live in is this world of ours. The monsters from the unseen never got the better of me, Life did.


The only truth you ever have to know is to know what you are. When you know this truth, then be this truth, otherwise you resort back to being nothing.

Stop living a lie. Stop fooling yourself that Life is okay, because it is not. Stop having to go into the silence to find yourself. Just be yourself. When you are yourself you are no longer alone. The madness that is around you will fade with each passing day. Be true to yourself. Be this Love that we have forgotten.

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The other day when we said connect to the strand within the cosmic quantum computer machine, it was some time after that that I saw the “face” of this machine. It was half human, half some or other strange looking creature – something like the monkeys in the movie Horton Hears a Who.

What I would like to say is this: Your strand connects to the strand within the cosmic quantum machine, and from there these two strands connect to the Tree within the Infinite. From the Tree the loop is made back to you the strand. This connection pulls you closer to Home with each passing moment.

20:39 on 25/05/2021


Here is question that is worthwhile finding the answer to: “What can make this day different to all the other days previous to this one?” Of course each day is different, but over a spread-sheet they are by and large all the same.

A dummy like me cannot transform this day that I choose to experience, so let’s turn to the astral form to see what is new under the bonnet. Before we do, we may as well mention something I considered not worth mentioning, but it may be relevant. I don’t remember the chronological order of events, but I saw this entity last night in my sleep state that had an iron mask on that looked like a refined, smoothed out skull. I was sleeping face down, and felt what was like an earth tremor inside of me. I shock-wave tremor took me over. That is when I turned around to lie on my back to see what was going on, and I saw this entity that was looking at the after-effects of what he had just done to me. This is something I have never felt before, so I was a bit rattled. I remember asking myself, is this a friend or a foe? Have seen about two friends in my sleep state over the last seven years, so my question to myself was a rather optimistic one. To protect myself I dropped into the space of the strand.

There was also an implanted dream of me being on a sail boat. I sailed to other boats, asking if someone could help me crew as the yacht was a 40-footer and I needed help to sail her. But as I said, the order of events is unclear to me. My guess as to what happened as I lay in bed was that this entity “blew apart” the implanted dream mechanism whereby these Beasts access our subconscious memories to weave an implanted story/dream to which we give our attention/energy.

What I found interesting was that after the dust had settled, I felt the presence of the Serpent soul within me in a really strong way, as in its movements as it awakened from its slumber within the canal within me were forceful.


Whose energy do these Beasts from the shadows take? We, the biological computer are the vehicle for the Serpent soul within, and no doubt we are an emitter of energy, but it only makes sense that the one following the implanted dream/story whose energy is syphoned is the Serpent soul within. Has this Serpent within us been kept on a chain, and then comes out during our sleep state to follow the dreams so that it may feed these Beasts its energy? That makes a lot of sense to me.


In Indian folk-lore is the Nagas serpents. These are snakes that work together as one. In the story The Jungle Book, Mowgli encounters one of these snakes that hypnotizes him.

In the journal Steven writes of his encounter with the Nagas. I was woken up one night in my sleep state to see the Nagas serpents around me. One could say that their method of attack is foolproof. I was lying in bed and I saw them around me – big black snakes. They attack through hypnotic words. The one said a word to me, which placed me in a semi-trance state. (Just one word, and you fall under their spell.) Then another snake said a word, which placed me deeper into a trance. At that moment I knew I was heading down Shit Creek, so what I done was call out to the ones I love, namely the animals. At that stage of my life my two Boer-boel dogs were still alive – Max and Jessie. I called Max “big man” and I called Jessie “yes alba,” because she looked a lot like Jessica Alba. Every morning when I opened the front door it was not enough that I called them, I had to shout to call them as a means of expressing my love for them.

When the Nagas were getting the better of me, in my sleep state I called out to Big Man and Yes Alba, and this saved the day.


The point to make is that the Serpent soul within must be under some hypnotic trance when it is awoken to follow the implanted dream. I once again stress that I apologize to this Serpent within for slandering it over the years in this journal. I am really sorry. I knew of it, but never knew that this snake was as entrapped as I the biological computer was.

As those Indians with their flutes awaken their snake to rise out of the basket, so too, albeit in a more advanced manner, the Serpent soul within you and me is awoken during our sleep state in a hypnotic manner to follow the implanted dream and give of its energy. How sad is that!

It has been known for years that the pineal and pituitary glands have been manipulated from the side of those from the shadows to access our forms to come and harvest energy. I once again ask, “did this entity that came last night “blow up” this mechanism so that the Serpent soul within may be free? I don’t know, but let’s do our best to find out.


Is there anything different on our astral form in this day? What I feel when I go into the silence is an awakening, as in movement of the Serpent soul within its canal that extends from the front of our anus all the way up to our head. (The implosion of the orgasm goes up this canal to create a boost of energy for the feeders.)

Is there anything different within the Serpent soul in this day? With what I feel, I would say “yes” – it has its freedom from the confines of its cave.


You go into the stillness; the silence of the strand, and your strand connects to the strand within the cosmic quantum computer, and from there to the Tree, and from the Tree back to your strand, and what you do is take what was done to me last night and make it your own. This will set your Serpent soul free.


Is our day different to all the other previous days? Nope, but it is for the Serpent soul. Our day will come.

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To assist the community, I patrolled the area in my car on Monday morning between midnight and two in the morning. As I drove around a bend, I saw about five or six zebras in front of me. The esoteric significance of this encounter has stayed with me, where I need to understand the energy exchange between this “chance” meeting.

The clairvoyant Ted Andrews says the following regarding Zebra energy:

"Zebra energy will help you to take the apparently conflicting parts of your personality and weave them into a pattern which is unique, distinctive and beautiful. As a zebra, the artist within you can live in harmony with the businessperson, the spiritual explorer with the secular decision-maker, the dreamer with the practical goal-setter, neither overpowering the other, each retaining its place of importance and full expression. The zebra will teach you to honor the black and white sides of yourself without compromising yourself into a dull gray.
The zebra will also teach you how to seek out others who are like you, finding comfort and company in groups, while maintaining your own unique identity, your pattern of stripes like a fingerprint, unlike any other. This combination of individuality within community will be a very powerful force in your life.
The zebra energy is also the energy of physical health, long life and great stamina. Breathe in this vital source of very real physical power. Feel how you are capable of running across the plains for hour after hour, each step filling you with vibrant earth energy, so that the more you exercise, the more energized you become. Then just kick up your heals with joy, for you are the zebra, vital and alive. How fortunate you are!"


As a young boy, I remember moments when I would feel this light, cold breeze on my face when sitting alone in a room. As I write these words, I once again feel this breeze. What this is, is the Serpent soul within communicating with the biological computer called us the Human being.

For me, Zebra energy is opening ourselves up to be one with this Serpent soul within, “to take the apparently conflicting parts of your personality and weave them into a pattern which is unique, distinctive and beautiful.”


How is this day different from all the other days? Through its freedom, the Serpent soul is guiding us out of this mess. For this we are thankful.

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Let’s take it back a few steps….

We saw Semiramis with this glorious Glow around her, and we were relieved, as this exalted one would lead us back Home. So what we done was give Semiramis our power. What we mean by this on a deeper level is that we stopped looking to ourselves for answers. We became followers – meek followers, and as leaders lead and followers follow, we gave our power away to the leader, as this power was no longer needed by us.

This we all understand, but, and this is the big “but” – what did Semiramis do once she had our power?


If you coerce others to give you something, what you do is have a plan in place so that should these silly’s want their power back one day, there was no way they could reclaim it.

To put that in simple English, Semiramis cursed us, so that we may remain on one knee and never get up again. To us folk of European descent, curses are something of the Middle Ages and going before that time, but to most cultures the world over, curses are as normal as breathing. As you would go and pour yourself a sherry, just as easy would the majority of the world’s population go out and curse someone. What a curse is, is when we the seen species summon the unseen demons and monsters to destroy someone in the seen. I remember helping a lady whose own mother cursed her – just because she can.


So what is this original curse? Did we curse ourselves by solemnly promising Semiramis that we will follow her, no matter what? I don’t think so, as our lady would not have left something so important to chance of our good word. She done something to us – this original curse – and I intend to find out now what it is. I feel what she done to the children of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia, and what I feel is a chord of sorts hanging from our abdominal area – this chord is dangling and rotating. Was this our “umbilical chord;” our connection to the Infinite that we had forgotten about as the parasite took us over?

I choose to undo now what Semiramis done to us at this chord area so that we may further understand.

Now I feel this dangling chord go off into the distance – to where it belongs. What were we meant to be with the unification of this chord to where it belonged?

This chord was our “etheric” bond to Sophia, and it was severed so that we may forget from where we arose and from whom we were born. Now the nanny became the mother, and we said Amen to Semiramis.


This was our curse: To never know who we are and from where we arose.

Well guess what: this curse is broken now, by knowing it exists and has no place within the fields of Love.

This etheric umbilical chord is restored to all so that all may be once again one with the Creator. By pulling out the cornerstone; the original curse, all curses that followed over the ages have been undone. So be it.


Do you understand now why this journal has taken so long to write? Do you understand that we truly know nothing, but this can no longer be an excuse, as sooner or later we need to start knowing something.

My question is when do we know enough to break away from Hell. When does the Infinite start shining upon  us?

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I don’t understand what came last night, so I don’t feel the need to talk about it, but I will because there might be relevance to it later on.


Through my Third Eye, I saw these black, tubular shadows moving around me as I lay in bed sleeping. I looked, and saw them, and went to sleep, and later I saw them again.

Then I saw the mouth of a monster that was right against my face. This mouth looked like the sucking part of my pool-cleaning device.

Then I saw these same black, tubular shadows standing in line. The line extended across the path of my wife and I as we were lying in bed sleeping. As the line moved on, some of these shadows would bend down and touch us, and I felt this was a gesture of saying “thank you.”

Then a greyness parted, and I saw this beautiful space/world/dimension/field of blackness – it was a place filled with much beauty. I saw a white, angelic female form in the distance, and she was awaiting this line of entities.


What I saw brought no emotional response from me – the whole experience was one of indifference.

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Around every corner, and inevitably with every conversation, one is witness to the insanity of Life. That we have allowed ourselves to fall so low, where others suffer from our actions, and we cannot see this suffering that we have caused, this is truly an indication that we live in a mad world occupied by mad people. We have become engulfed and washed away in a cesspool of self-centeredness and nastiness, where we are oblivious of the gut-wrenching heartache our decisions have on others.


Why is this so? It is because we have drifted further and further away from what is real; from our Home where we belong. Every step along the way to our demise we see this abnormal as normal, and from this “normal” we regress further into madness, till we reach the point where we cross the line and become Beasts that feed on the energy of species within Hell that are doing their best to survive. We become monsters, and the difference between what we are now, and what we were, is that now we recognize, acknowledge and embrace this filth that we have become. Now we are full-reptilian; a snake, that is behind a vibrational frequency where we look like the species from where we departed.

What makes this transition from one with a conscience to a savage Beast is that we are not alone. Within us has always been the Serpent soul, also doing its best to be happy and content. When we become a Beast, so too does this Serpent soul become a Beast. The two of us embrace each other and we become one. That is why, as I have said, every entity that I see in my sleep state is with its pet/beloved Serpent. The exception is the cosmic assassins who come with their weapon of choice to damage the astral form to kill the illusionary body form. But remember, I see the assassins as they came into my space to kill, they were not there to feed, so no doubt they also feed with their pet Serpent.


We the species of Hell are not allowed to see these Beasts and Monsters from the shadows that feed off of us. Our focus is to survive, rather than witness what survives off of us.

There is no way that we the manufactured species of Hell can get the better of those from the shadows, and the reason for this is that they chose to be there. These horrids were once like you and me, doing their best to survive and be happy, but Life got the better of them, as there is no way forwards, except backwards, when you have forgotten who and what you are, and from where you arose.

What I don’t fully understand, is why did these Beasts not try harder to be kind? Why did they not hold onto their Goodness tighter – why did they just let go and make the lives of others that they now control a misery? I do not understand this, and this is so because I was not in their shoes, so I cannot judge. Us men are really weak, where we are so easily led astray by a piece of fluff. That our lust for an orgasm with another destroys those who loved us is unnecessary, but once you see those from the shadows, you understand the big picture. In my sleep state I have seen these larger than life monsters in my presence who insist that Steven has an orgasm as this is what they want and will have now. Understand that we are controlled by Beasts that we cannot see, and our lives have never been ours to own.


There were only two ways out of this mess for us the illusionary biological computer: the one was to awaken and heal those that could help us, but the biggest way was to allow Beasts to see what they have become, and then show them a way Home through the understanding of what happened to them before the beginning of time. If the Gates’ and Fauci’s and co. could see what they are doing to themselves they will get the shock of their lives. Madness does not allow the insane to see what they are doing to the sane – they lack empathy, most notably for themselves. But the bigger picture is to awaken those Beasts that control the madmen and women of the worlds of Hell who destroy the innocent.

As we kill to survive and cause misery to those we feed from, so too do Beasts from the shadows do the same to us. We are them, and they are us – we are just on different planes/dimensions. (We should have our sanity, so we should be less cruel, but this is not the case. Yes, we are controlled by these Beasts, but we still should have the final say. The bottom line is that we cannot see what controls us, hence we give in to temptation, or just plain being nasty because we cannot see the Beast in our midst pulling our strings.)

Just as there is love in our world, so too is their love in the shadows. We are all just surviving, doing our best, while the innocent are being destroyed by our indifference.


Eventually we all fall, and the innocent get pulled down with us.


What this journal done in explaining how this parasitic frequency of Deception got the better of all within the illusionary Garden of Semiramis, is turn the insane within the shadows sane. Now we understand why everything is never enough; why others are not important and we are; why the winner takes all; why the destruction of others is a natural, unfortunate event in Life.

To transform the seen worlds, one has to transform the unseen worlds, and this journal has done its best to do so, and I believe that what has been done is enough. I say this because now in my sleep state I see Monsters and Beasts - thankful Monsters and Beasts.


What I would really like to talk about is how Hell has touched all of us, so that we may begin to heal our bodies and astral forms.

We the biological computer have been touched by those from the shadows since time immemorial. That we have been fed off of from feeders that are indifferent to us maims us the biological computer. What I am trying to say, is that many the worlds over are prisoners to pain and debilitating illnesses. Our bodily structures start to fall apart, and we become taken over by disease. Even if our bodies can take this damage, it is often the mind that falls apart.


The pelvic part of the skeleton is, for me; one who focuses on energy and vibration – this area is an indication of where our healthy energy is lost, and what was there that has been taken over by disharmonious energy, as in we become ill.

I am talking to your astral/spirit form, your subconscious state, as well as your knowing awareness: Make sure the energy flow within your pelvic skeletal area is harmonious, as this is for me the foundation of the health of our body and astral forms. By knowing it has to be harmonious/healthy, make sure through your will that it stays healthy.

As long as you are not Home within the fields of the Infinite, I would like you to be healthy, and this health is indicative of what is happening on the energy level at your skeletal pelvic region.

How this disharmony got there is from our unknowing interaction with those from the shadows. Their dense/disharmonious energy and presence had a rub-off effect on us. How this negative association is now countered is through the understanding of what we are, where we are, and what ruled over us from the shadows. In walking Home, we walk with others that also walk Home, so we uplift each other. Now we go in the opposite direction to where we were headed – we walk to the fields of the Infinite rather than to our destruction.


Along this path be healthy. Be happy.

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Last night a dream/story was implanted during my sleep state. I followed the story – I gave it attention/energy. Then I awoke from the implanted dream, and through my Third Eye I saw the one who had implanted the dream so that they may take of my energy to survive.


The entity I saw was a monster, as in not Human looking. It had a torso and arms and legs and a head, but it was made of what looked like a black charcoal material. Through this entities eyes, my energy looked like balls of charcoal, as this is what I saw lying above my head. This entity took these balls of my energy, and then he left some for me. He patted my energy as he packed in into a bundle for me. Man-oh-man – I have never seen something so cute in my entire life. His gesture in patting this bundle of my energy and leaving it for me was: “This is for you Steven, with love from me.”


This monster cared. Throughout the journal it has always been noted that we live in a world where nobody cares. In the unseen this has all changed, and for this I am eternally grateful. How this transformation in the unseen will affect the seen worlds will be most interesting. May it be through an awakening, where we are all bigger than what we have become and been manufactured to be. May we all naturally start to care, just as those from the shadows now do.

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For me, the release of the kundalini energy within our forms is the awakening of the Serpent soul within, in terms of this Serpent seeing the big picture. The Serpent soul and its vehicle us the biological computer are now observers rather than followers – we can see, and then changes are made to transform.

By standing back, observing and understanding, the transformation is made in that moment, as one sees what it should be, and in that moment it is what it should be.

In treating animals, one needs to understand two components: what is the cause of the problem, and where is the primary disharmony. In knowing those two factors, one understands the predicament of the patient, and then by knowing that something is bigger than all of us, that something heals the patient in the moment. That is how I have treated animals – by understanding the big picture.


The release of our kundalini energy is an upgrade of us the  biological computer, as well as an increased awareness of the Serpent soul within, but for me, this is still not what we should be while we roam the frequencies of Hell on our way back Home. The awakening of the strand of Inherent Goodness/Godness within our forms is for me what we really are. There is just one small catch, and that is a sudden awakening of this one real state within the illusion can blow us apart in more ways than one. We can just sit in our chair all day every day until our body form switches off and dies, all the while watching the goings on of the worlds of Hell as they play out inside of our heads. We can access the dimensions and frequencies of Hell on the “giant screen” within our body form and watch the “sitcoms” of what is happening elsewhere in Life. What a show it will be, and how meaningless our awakened state will be as we cannot touch base with the reality around us as we are so far embedded within the ethers of other planes of existence.


I know what I am. We are the strand of Inherent Godness that arose from the Source of the Infinite. From this strand The Wisdom Goddess Sophia created the Dragon spirits to play within a field of the Infinite. The first fall was that of Sophia as she extended the boundaries of her realm, and from there we have continued to fall, eventually reaching the final destination of the Nothingness of the Forgotten, where we forget this strand and who and what we are.

Know what you are, and then step forwards to be what you are – one baby step at a time. That way the strand awakens with you the biological computer and the Serpent soul, and there is not a sudden implosion/awakening. You will reach a point where you can walk no further with the strand, as we cannot handle this power, and that is when we the illusion is no more and the strand returns to the Source from where it arose. Until you reach this point of departure please have fun and joy, as this is what the expression of the strand is.


So be it.

1st June, 2021

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Even with my first memories, the more Life touched me, the more I withdrew from this unfamiliar place. Many get up and get on with Life – I needed someone to hold my hand and let me know things will be okay. This never happened. If there was even a competition for Lost Fart of the 20th and 21st century, I would have won the competition hands down.


What came last night in my sleep state were what I would classify as a bunch of idiots and hooligans, but this was not the case, as they came with a plan. Their actions were to irritate me; to draw me into a fight, but what they actually done was draw me closer to Life. Somewhere in my sleep state I felt a pulling and a joining effect as I became bonded with the Life around me.

How can we live when we are detached from Life!

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The Wisdom Goddess Sophia created the Dragon spirits. The impact zone from her fall created the Serpent spirits. The Dragons and the Serpents were brothers and sisters  - they were one.

When these spirits entered the illusionary bubble/world/frequency of Queen Semiramis, the parasitic frequency of Deception that arose from their curiosity took them unknowingly over. This was the beginning of what would become known as insanity, and its offshoots such as cruelty, hate, jealousy, etc. We lost our marbles; our sanity, and this would be okay if we stayed in our little isolated bubbles and kept to ourselves, but with the power that we gave away to Semiramis there was a gap in our existence, so we developed a new form of power, which is play a game – express your insanity on the innocent who have not allowed themselves to lose their conscience and good hearts. In worlds ruled by hate and madness, a good heart was an attribute of the weak. This power over the weak was like the nectar of the gods – something that the cruel began to cherish. But this drug; this power, was not real, and therefore only had a limited time span before it ran out, and we would then see the wasted space that we had become. So we had to keep going; we had to feed this beast that we had become.

If you ask me what kept Hell alive, I would say it was cowardice, for that it what the beast is – he and she is a coward. They don’t show their true colors for all to see, as just as for themselves, they know that all will be repulsed by the filth they have become. So they show the weak, these cowards, by destroying them when nobody else is looking, or even better still, from the shadows, when others don’t even know they exist.


This can of worms has been opened, so that Beasts from the unseen may know themselves and understand that what happened that we all got into this mess was nobody’s fault. In the unseen; in the shadows, there has been an about-turn, and those there have found themselves and know themselves, and as I said the other day, for this I am eternally grateful.

Those in the seen worlds of Hell that were ruled by the unseen will develop a transformation where they understand that it is truly not nice to be cruel, as nobody benefits – a lose-lose situation all around.

Life as we knew it will transform, and when Steven sees the first day of spring of that day, that is when I will be most joyous – for all of our sakes.


Having said all of that, there is a “but,” and once again it is a big “but.”

In being allowed to see the unseen in my sleep state, what I have primarily seen is Serpents – snakes. I would be lying in bed sleeping, and through my Third Eye I would see a snake slithering in midair towards me. It would enter my form, and then I would feel this snake roll itself into a ball as it got all cosy and tucked itself inside of me. The plan was for it to take me over, but by knowing it was there, it was expelled by the love that I have for the animals.

This scenario was the norm – it happened almost every other night.

Swarms of snakes have also infiltrated me, where I see and then feel these little Serpents wriggling their way into my body.

One night my astral form was taken to a swamp area. I stood at the edge of a dam of sorts, and I told myself that I must not go into the water as something bad is lurking there. Then I saw this snake approach me from the distance. Its radius must have been as thick as about a forty year old tree, and it was equally long. As the snake got closer it picked up speed and began to fan out its body. I told myself that I must move to the right to avoid this snake, and just then it shot forwards and bit me on the side of my astral body. The impact was so hard that my physical body, that was still lying in bed, shook to one side as if someone had just pushed me.

The Serpent with the strongest presence had these red and shoe-polish black patches to it. I woke up one night and through the Third Eye saw this snake with its face about two inches from mine. In seeing the unseen I have rarely been afraid, but when I saw this snake my heart skipped a beat. This Serpent shot down towards the direction of my feet to gain momentum and then it turned around to enter by body forms at full speed.


Over the years in my sleep state I have experienced Serpents, Serpents and more Serpents, but – and here is the really big “but”: I have never experienced Dragons. Where are the Dragon spirits and souls –what happened to them?


In the illusionary Garden of Semiramis, as the parasite look us over, we wanted more – we had to constantly feed this appetite of it is about me, me and me. Nothing could fill this gaping hole inside of us, where everything was never enough. We wanted more, but to be more precise, others were not allowed to have – we had to have everything, at any cost, as this was the beginning of what would become known as a “savage.” To find a solution to this problem, before things went south in a bad way, the Dragon and Serpent spirits cloned themselves. From one, two arose so that an appeasement could be formed, and if anything, I truly believe that this process was done so that we may learn to share, so that we may understand that it is not just about me, me and me.

Now from each Serpent spirit there arose a Serpent soul, and from the Dragon spirit there was the cloned Dragon soul. But something had to give as this parasitic frequency of Deception grew stronger in all. There was a cataclysm; a fall. The Serpent and Dragon spirits fell within the illusion to the dense plane/frequency that they created through their bad ways, and I feel strongly that these Giants succumbed to a slumber as the density around them got the better of them. Their insanity, coupled with the fall, spun them into a dense plane where they are suspended in slumber, and have never awoken since.


Years back we mentioned in the journal that the Serpent and Dragon souls continued to fall – they did not go into slumber, and this was so because the souls were formed from a strand of the spirits, and thus were a part and not the parcel of the spirits. In other words, the souls were not as “pure” as the spirits, and were thus not so strongly influenced by the dense plane as they fell.

We said that there was a battle between the Serpent and Dragon souls as they fell, and this “battle” was not a battle in its true sense. It was the one holding onto the other to get the upper hand of the other as they fell, and I said that the Serpent soul won this “battle” over the Dragon soul. I said this as Hell is inhabited primarily by Serpents – well, at least this is so according to what Steven sees through his Third Eye.

But something does not make sense. If the Serpent soul won, when why is it enslaved within a biological computer, where its role is to feed those from the shadows? The answer to this question can be found in the mystery of what happened to the Dragon souls. There is a big piece of the puzzle that we are missing, and that piece is: “Whose rules over Hell?” Semiramis governed over Hell, and done her best to sort out this mess as well as her own demons, but who rules over Hell? Who is holding the string as those in the balloon/illusion do their best to survive?


Mention was made in the journal of the first predator – the first king of the jungle/illusion. What I was shown one night in my sleep state was a python, but this python was not the one we know of. This python floated/hovered  just off the ground, and it had a form of a hunch back. I was shown this herd of bucks that are unknown to us, and how this python fed. It attacked its prey through a form of hypnotism, where it moved its body to and fro in trance-like actions. This python was also much shorter than the one we know of today – it was stocky and short in length.

Then, a year or two later into the journal, my astral form was taken to the edge of a sea. From this sea emerged a snake to hunt on land. When I saw this fucker I was afraid, as I knew that what I was shown was something that was larger than life. The original python that I saw had evolved to become this snake of the waters.

What I was shown was to make sense to me in my limited vision and understanding, but was I shown Nimrod – what some would call The Fallen Angel. I remember posting a thread on the David Icke’s website forum regarding this Prince of Darkness, but I vaguely remember what was said, as Steven is merely the messenger.


Before this journal began, there were certain events that built up to me having to sit down and make sense of the madness that was unfolding before me, and the one was of me going to meet this lady on a cold winters morning to help her horse. This mad female slandered me when I had done nothing wrong, and as I drove out this housing estate, I remember being there before. About a year earlier my wife took us to a restaurant there, and while walking to the restaurant, in the middle of nowhere, was this statue of a fallen angel. It blew me away, as there, in the middle of the bush, was the statue of an upside down witch – her head was about two feet from the ground, showing how she would have looked when she fell from the sky. The little boys and girls who worship cruelty must have erected that statue there, and I am sure they depicted Nimrod; this prince of Darkness, as this fallen witch.


Who was this prince of Darkness, and why did he leave the fields of the Infinite?


When Queen Semiramis created her illusionary Garden, we entered there through our curiosity. Many entered the illusion, and I am sure many returned from there to once again be within the field of the Infinite. This coming and going was made possible as the parasitic frequency of Deception had not taken over those within the Garden to the point where their density was affected and they could not return.

Many stayed in the Garden, when they could have left, to help out with the mess that was enfolding. Earl was one of those pure Giants that stayed and was destroyed by those he Loved most. So yes, there are Dragon and Serpent spirits that fell into slumber, but many were forcefully induced into slumber, and as I said before, this was the epitome of cruelty for me, where the Good are broken while we the good look on and do nothing.


There was one who entered the illusion, and then returned to the Infinite. Now he was curious. What was the opposite to what we had in the Infinite? This he needed to know. So what he was, he made no more. Now he found himself in a void – a space where there cannot be any space. Please understand that there was no evil intent with this curiosity, nor was the space in which this one found himself a place that would become known as Hell. We, the fallen souls fucked everything up. We found this one in his space as we roamed these dense planes, and we influenced him to take and feed. This prince of Darkness was never bad, and had no intention of being bad – we made him bad. Those stupid fuckers that worship this prince are not worshipping a deity, they are bowing down to their own cruelty that they have allowed themselves to become. This prince god is merely a projection of what they have become – cruel, insane idiots. But this is okay, this what they have become, as there is a prince that rules over them and thus what they are and revere must be good. Wrong! This “prince” never wanted to be cruel. He just wanted to see what is the opposite of the Infinite, and what it was that he experienced was a vacuum – a space – a nothingness. The fallen souls filled this space with their insanity, and we lured this prince out, this truly exalted one which he was, and we taught him to take and be cruel.

Once again, you are worshipping your own insanity, and nothing else. There was never Evil, only insanity as we forgot who we are and from where we arose.


This dude; this prince, came to see himself as the exalted one, as this was what we saw him as. Remember, the parasite was not within him – he was where he was through his own free will and intent. So, to be fair, he was a god in his own right, as the children of Sophia were created by her and thus were gods in their own right.

So the big question to ask, is what is this prince of Darkness; is he a Dragon spirit or a Serpent spirit? My guess is that he is a Dragon spirit. Why do I say this? I say so because he wiped out all the other Dragons that fell into the dense plane. As our madness consumed him, he took out any opposition to him, namely from his own, and the rest he enslaved. Boeyaka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That solves the mystery of what happened to the Dragon souls.


May this dude undo what we done to him, and in doing so, may he set the Dragon souls free that he destroyed. It is time for all of us to start going Home.

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When this journal began, I awoke one morning with a word in my head that I could not shake off. Something or someone implanted the word so that I may understand. The word was Kwinn.

Kwinn is a character from the “A Real American Hero comics.” They describe Kwinn as:


 The mercenary known as Kwinn works for some of the most despicable people on earth. The kind of people you say wouldn't have the slightest idea what scruples are. And yet, Kwinn holds a strict code of honor that urges him to keep his word and maintain his part of the bargain. Even if he feels that he may be on the erring side, he will complete his job and take his payment. After that, it's anybody's guess.”


Even now, after all these years, I can relate to Kwinn. We feel that it is our duty to look after each other – to stay with each other till the very end. And this, for me, is our downfall. It is in our nature to be kind, but it is not in our nature to be around those that exploit the kind. So what do we do? The answer is that we stick around, as others need our help. Oh yes, they need our help, but do they truly want it?

So we hang around, as others need help, and it is only right that we are there for them. And this is our role of Kwinn: Where we maintain our part of the bargain, which is be what you are – be kind. This locks us into Hell and around those that you do not want to be associated with. I am talking about those in the seen and unseen – those cruel fuckers that exploit the weak; the kind, just because they can.


There are many that truly would choose to be better than what they are should they ever be given the opportunity to do so, and then there are those that are just rotten to their core, and they accept themselves for who and what they are. No change is necessary, as I enjoy being in my own skin. That phrase I remember Jeffrey Epstein saying when someone interviewed him – he said he was comfortable with who and what he was; he was comfortable in his own skin. Wow! How many more Jeff’s are out there in the seen and unseen? This is who and what I am – a monster, and I love it!

On the subconscious we see these beasts for who and what they are, as somehow, somewhere, they are one of us, and we hold a strict code of honor to be there for them as we know they need our help, and we will maintain our part of the bargain.

It is like giving the brat what he or she wants so that they can just shut up and stop crying. I give you kindness, I give you loyalty, now come on – just grow up and be kind.


Can you understand what our role of Kwinn does for ourselves? We allow ourselves to hang around others that have no scruples, and for what – just so that we can carry on being kind, so that we may maintain our part of the bargain.

This role of Kwinn does not work brothers and sisters, and the simple explanation for this is that “birds of a feather flock together” – you want to be around those that are like you, because this is fun. It is not fun being around monsters – those that are too fucked up to see the monster they enjoy being in their own skin.


Where is this bond; this connection that made sure we keep our part of the bargain and are kind to all, where we stick around in their company no matter what? When I ask this question and go into the silence, I feel this digitally made shape being drawn over and over again at the top of my head. The shape forms a pyramid.

Well, I don’t know about you, but this shape; this bond to beasts is no more within my existence.  And guess what else, this digital imprint is removed from all the innocent within the space we came to call Hell. So be it.


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