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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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Those Serpents that came and created the Analytical illusion were pure and wise and good. If I speak of Innocence, I speak of these that came here to reflect to know themselves. They were Beautiful beyond your imagination and mine, and a smackling of this I see in the face of my animals when they look at me. These Serpents had the presence of a loving, maternal mother, where they Loved all as this is who and what they were.

The Analytical illusion their Consciousness created through its imagination was a glorified library in the “sky” – a place where they may ponder before they return to the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis, and from there return Home to the fields of Infinite Love. You see, these Snakes were formed/created by the fall of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia when she exceeded her realm, so a Creator did not bring them forth through their Imagination. So we can understand this me time on the part of the Serpents, where their Consciousness imagined this temporary Analytical illusionary “library” for them to ponder on who and what they are.


This “Library” was infiltrated by Evil Serpents, and by Evil, I mean those who had the want of the Parasite strong within them, where regardless of what I have, I want what you have.


Where this is leading to, is the Evil Serpents attacked the Innocent Serpents, where all these beings of Love could do was defend themselves from this onslaught.

The question you have to ask, is how were these Serpents of Love defeated? The answer is through bewilderment, where how could you! You are my Brother and Sister, so how could you? When those you Love attack you to destroy you, something within you breaks, because you are not Evil, and neither should they be, so what is going on? It was the want within these Evil Serpents that they acknowledged and made their own, where it will give me so much pleasure to take what you have, and if this means destroying you, then so be it.


When bewilderment entered the Serpent of Love, that is when Innocence died, where all that is good and pure and should naturally be so became no more.

It is here that you need to understand one important point, and what that is, is what happened was not allowed to happen. Innocence should never have been attacked and destroyed, and if you stand back to see the big picture, this is why I write – to be free of Beasts so that Innocence may once again rise and return to these Beautiful Serpents.

Where are they now? You and I might say they are dead, but the true word is slumber, where they sleep, never to awaken to this Hell because this is not who they are. They cannot awaken to this Hell-hole because this is not them and this is not Home. Never will I forget the image I was shown in my sleep state of these two females with a light-brown coloured skin lying face-down in the sand. These two refused to be a part of this illusionary Hell, so they lay down and merely switched their Consciousness off, where, as with the Innocent Serpents, they fell into a slumber, as to fight and be cruel and miserable is not them.


Let’s talk about what should have happened.

These Innocent Serpents should have understood why their Brothers and Sisters turned Evil, where I see you – I see the want/void within you that can never be filled – and that is not me. In understanding there would have been no bewilderment – this lightning bolt that cracked them wide open from which they could never recover, which marked the beginning of the end for all that was pure in the Analytical illusion.


It is to these the Innocent that I say rise up to remember what you are. Know what happened that threw you into slumber, and with this understanding, cast this bewilderment state from your presence so that you may rise up and return to the Garden of Queen Semiramis, and from there to the Infinite.

This will return Innocence to where it belongs, where these Beautiful Serpents depart their Library that turned into a Hell-hole.


And as for us – those that still remain here, may the spark of Innocence touch your Consciousness and mine, as I truly believe that this is what was needed to kick-start this Golden Child to return to what it is. May the Innocence of the awakened Beautiful Serpents touch your Consciousness and mine, and from there may we all be engulfed by the Love that we are.


So be it.

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Out of habit we do what we have always done because we don’t know any better. If you always turned right at the cross-roads, then the bend to the left becomes obsolete within our existence, but it is always there if we remember to stop doing what we have always done.

How many dummies have come and gone that are like me and you that have looked for a way out? How many have failed? How many times have I failed, where here I am, still stuck in this prison?

What these fools that run this show don’t understand, is I don’t like it here – it really is an awful place. Take away the jokes and the pleasures we so eagerly seek, and what do you have left? – A knuckle down and survive, where you will never find true happiness because you are in an unnatural place where you don’t belong.


So it is here; it is now, that we stand back and do what we have never done before to pass the barrier the Evil Serpent has constructed, where to them, this barrier is impenetrable. And they are right, because none have crossed this divide. So we do the complete opposite, where we don’t look for our way out, but rather the way in that those used to penetrate the Analytical illusion to come and help us. An example of this is the Christ Consciousness. It is the ones that entered that know the way out from the way they entered. So what you do, is you go into the space of the Christ Consciousness before it entered the walls of this prison cell. You feel how it was before in came into this place, and then you feel how it was when they entered, and this altered state you remove from your space so you may leave the way you came in.


Before these Enlightened Beings entered this Hell-hole, there was no Good and Bad states of existence that penetrated their presence. In pure Love you are what you are, where you do not judge or choose sides because there are no sides – there is just Oneness, where you are me and I am you, and there is nothing else but this as nothing else is needed.

(I say all of this because when there is the presence of an evil spirit around me, my right cheek-bone feels prominent, and when a cruel person is around me, similarly the left cheek-bone comes alive.

When I felt the state of those before they entered the Analytical illusion, what is within the left and right cheek bone disappears, meaning nothing can come to the fore as such states don’t exist in the Infinite. All these beings see and are is Love, because what you see, is what is there, where the Eyes reveal all. But here in the Analytical illusion, everything is occult/hidden, where what you see is almost guaranteed not what you get, where beneath the surface – beneath the eyes in the cheek-bones – lies the true colours of the fuck-nut standing in front of you.)


Before they entered this Hell, the area of their cheek-bones and eyes connected to the Heart field, as what you see is what you get as this is all there is.

What changed when these Enlightened Beings/Messengers entered the Analytical illusion? They saw what was there; not like me and you who see what we want to see, and this cut off their Heart field because what they saw there was no place for Love to dwell therein. The deception of this place engulfed them, where one lie covers the next and the next and so it goes until we don’t know who and what we are. How can we Love ourselves when we don’t know ourselves?

So all the bullshit; all the lies, where I am a solid guy but in truth am an idiot – all of this helter-skelter of I don’t know my head from my elbow penetrated these Beings of Love.


Can we truly comprehend what a lie does to us, where we are told to go there but are intentionally led in the wrong direction. It fucks you up, where you know you are led astray but don’t know what to do about it as you are lost and rely on the goodwill of others to help.

These beings saw a wrong, and to make this wrong right required enormous effort because so few listened. This drained these Messengers of Love.


But all of the above truly was fuck-all to these Messengers from the Infinite. We need to know what kept them here, where they lost the way Home. Everything that has been said in this journal has not touched on this one truth, of even when floored, who couldn’t they go Home? We know what they were before they entered this prison, so what is it within them that kept them here? In asking that question, the left side of the ribcage becomes prominent. What happened within the left side of the ribcage anchored them to the Analytical illusion. So what is there – what do I feel moving around at this location within them? Take away this and they depart the way the entered, meaning the prison wall is breached and we can leave the way they entered.


When I close my eyes to see there is an orange-red colour. This colour takes away the Word, when you speak the Word all know this to be the truth.

So what was within them took away the Blackness; the Truth they came to deliver, where now all you had was a watered-down sentence instead of a Word that penetrated and touched all. It was never the Messenger; rather it was the Message, and this Message came through the Word – the spoken Word. What was placed within the Messengers took away the power of their Word, which was their power, and this floored them.

Was there anything else?

Before we answer that question, we need to understand what took away the power of the Word. What did they place within the left side of the ribcage of the Messengers? What entered them came through the sense of Smell, where they inhaled this presence. What they inhaled through the deceit of the Evil Serpents – and this is something that was formulated beyond the borders of the Analytical illusion so that the origin may never be found within the walls of the prison. (I say this because a line extends beyond my left eye to the place where this presence was created. To remove it from the space of the Messengers, one has to know/understand what this presence is.) Oh wow, these Evil Serpents were so clever, where they knew the Infinite would send help to bail us out, so these Beasts anticipated this move and were ready for it. The creation beyond the walls of the Analytical illusion that they released within the presence of the Messengers for them to inhale, this entered the left side of the ribcage and neutralized their power – the power of the Word; the power of the Message to set us free. Release this presence and the power of the Word is restored, and we have the Power to leave the way the Messengers entered.


What also needs to be said here, is what was created beyond the walls of the Analytical illusion to floor the Messengers touched our ears, so what was heard by us meant nothing, meaning the power of the Word was removed, and the impact the Word had on us could never penetrate us, where this Message fell on deaf ears. And this deafness was intentional – a double-whammy, where even if a smattering of the Word touched us, it was made certain that we would not hear it.


The presence that was created to floor the Word of the Messenger, which is the power of the Messenger, moved from outside the Analytical illusion where it was created, to inside the Analytical illusion, and from there inside the space within the left lung area. What I feel here, and I can be wrong, is the presence of the Messenger and its Word touched all, where when you see me you know me, and that is enough to return us Home. So this presence was created before the Messengers penetrated this Prison, where it has always been within us – a kind of antidote to the Truth/Word the Evil Serpents knew the Infinite would send our way to bail us out. This Presence thus floored the Messengers, and as for us, we have always been floored, hence our dummy, survival status. So understand one thing: We have been check-mated by clever Beasts.


So stop fucking around Steven. What is this Presence that neutralized the power of the Word? This power will restore Consciousness to what it should be, and from there it naturally levitates Homeward bound.


It was created on a Star beyond this illusion. This Star was created through the imagination of the Evil Serpents and their cosmic geneticists. What is it? Well, let’s start at a point and say that it stinks – it smells like rotten bitterness that has a sharp smell/edge to it that penetrated the space within the left lung. It is alive and was born for the task to take away the power of the Word from the Messengers that touched our Consciousness. (The “left lung area” is the area within Consciousness.)

We came to see this Presence as a Orange-Red glow. Where there should be Blackness is a Orange-Red glow.

What floored the power of the Word delivered via Messengers from the Infinite was a created empty space. They took a frequency and took out what was within the frequency, and then the frequency itself, so there was a space that is nothing – a void. All they done was manufacture a replica of the Curiosity frequency that formed from the Dragon and Serpent spirits as to what is in the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis that is not already within the Infinite. Just as this want/void floored so many, where they began to want and have, this manufactured Orange-Red glow Presence neutralized the want/task of the Messengers, where I want to pass on you a Message so that you may return Home.


This Orange-Red glow neutralized the power of the spoken Word which allowed deceit and lies to flourish. This glow/Presence removed the pure state of Blackness within Consciousness and replaced it with a Orange-Red glow. What it is, is a manufactured replica of the Parasitic frequency of Deception, where a void was created that Consciousness inhaled so that it may never know the power of what it is.


What is the Word? “You are what you are, and there is nothing else but what you are.” Those Words meant nothing to you and me because their power was neutralized by the Orange-Red glow that permeated us and settled within the left side of the ribcage. So whatever came our way via the Infinite meant and was nothing as this power was neutralized.




Remove the Orange-Red glow/Presence within the left “ribcage” of Consciousness, as well as from the Messengers that penetrated the Analytical illusion to pass on the message of you are nothing else but what you are, and we that is Consciousness return to what we are.

All we needed was to be touched by the Word/presence of the Messengers from the Infinite, and in seeing and knowing them, we know ourselves. It was as simple as that. So this Blackness that was within the Messenger that was within us that we forgot about, the Evil Serpents turned to an Orange-Red glow, so that in seeing them and the Message that they are, we would see nothing, as what was now within us was an implanted Orange-Red glow of you are nothing, so seek and learn so that you may become something.


Why? Why would you want to keep others in a prison, where they are so unhappy that they have to fool themselves they are happy, all the while knowing who and where they are is one big lie? Why would you do something like that?

When the want within the Evil Serpents look them over, they understood they made a mistake to attack the Innocent Serpents. So now either you make an about turn and make your wrong right, or you carry on lying to yourself, and to do this you cover up your existing lie, where you go from bad to worse.

Are you trying to tell me there is Joy in destroying what is Good and Pure, where with each passing moment the little bit of Goodness that is left in this place becomes no more? Is there Joy in being Evil? Is their Joy in being cruel?

No, there isn’t. What there is, is pure stupidity, and this stupidity comes from the Orange-Red Presence within Consciousness that is Consciousness being deceitfully turned to a Orange-Red glow. This allows the spirit and dense body form to let loose, where I do what I want because there is no core Blackness within me that arose from the Infinite and thus this is me. Now stupidity ran the show, which is present everywhere within the seen and unseen, and this stemmed from the implanted Orange-Red glow Presense that the Evil Serpents implanted within us. And this stupidity knows no limits and boundaries, where this is me; I am what I am, so fuck off.


Believe you me, I have doing my best to leave your presence for lifetimes, where my intelligence makes me understand that to be in your presence is not me as I am not you. What you are, is raw stupidity – a savage brute, these in the seen and unseen whose only response to my request to be kind is fuck off.


Well, this is no more. This manufactured Orange-Red void is removed from Consciousness and is no more. This void was the impenetrable prison wall within us that kept us from going Home. As said, this is no more.


Is there anything else?

I don’t know. And if there is, we will keep going until we decide to call it quits and lie down to turn off our Consciousness. Around every corner you see this stupidity that dwells in all, and one gets tired of seeing what should not be that others welcome and make their own. So I want out, and I pray that this freedom is around the next corner instead of stupidity.

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Let me tell you what my spirit and Consciousness experienced last night as my dense body form lay sleeping, and you can decide if we are progressing in this journal or not.

“Come on, Steven, come on – give us a clue.” Okay, okay – you win! Let’s just say we are deep within the core of Hell.


My spirit found itself in a narrow alleyway. Ahead there was a sharp kink in the alley, and behind this corner I knew Evil was lurking. So there I waited for it to show itself, but in this place you are out of your depth, where the Fear here takes you over as you have no defence against it.

What waited behind the corner suddenly jumped me. He was a male of about thirty years old, and had the face of a Mongolian, without the heavy-set features. As he jumped me he shoved his blade deep within my belly and held it therein for a few seconds. His face was about thirty centimeters from mine, and he had this controlled satisfaction written all over it from getting the better of me.


Now comes the weird shit.


This man had a squid with him that was about a metre long. Through the wound in my belly he shoved this squid, where this creature moved to my heart and began to squeeze it by wrapping around it. I felt one of the tentacles come out through my nose to give this creature leverage to squeeze my heart as hard as it could to kill me.

By this time my body form was awake and felt this creature covering and squeezing my heart. All I could do was carry on breathing as I fell asleep once again.


A few hours later as my body form slept a dream was implanted on me going up in a lift, and on the other side of the huge building was another lift, and therein was an unpleasant person. When both lifts got to the top floor I chit-chatted with someone as to where they buy their meat from.

Oh man. When I awoke from this implanted dream there were three Beasts around my spirit and body form. They had arms and legs and stood upright, but their heads were hidious creatures. They gutted my spirits stomach and chest open, and there inside of me was this squid. What a surprise this was to these Beasts. I saw and felt how this squid tried to defend itself from these Beasts as they cut chunks off of it and ate it while it was still alive.

The Beasts eventually left, and now it was just Steven with this squid inside of me that was exposed as I had just been gutted.


So what I done, was something I have not had to do for a long time, where I filled myself with the Love I have for my animals to increase the vibratory field within me, and this always expelled them. But this time around it never worked, because here, where I was, the Suns rays never shine, so this Love could not reach me. Even now, as I write these words, this squid I feel moving around within me. And for fucks sakes, that is funny, where all you can do is laugh.


So what is that all about?

When I relayed the story to my wife, she hit the nail on the head when she said I had walked through the Valley of Death. That is spot on.

I write for all, even those in this place where there is no Love, and I walk to see if there is anything else that needs to be understood so that we may be free of this Hell.

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The tapestry is complete, and I say this because what grabs me now is the Consciousness that I am. No more searching; no more needing to know, meaning the story is there for all to see. Now we are all on the same page, which means we have a choice to either do what we have always done, or move to what we are.

What is left to know now is this Consciousness that we are. It is not Steven sitting on the couch typing these words as Steven is just Steven – that is no longer me. What I am now is you, and you are me, and we are what is real in this illusion. There is just one little snag, and what that is, is I don’t know me. So what happens now is this dude/dudess shows itself to us so that we may know what we are.


Who did you think would transform your existence to what it should be? – Another illusionary being within this illusion? I don’t think so. With the real you seeing the completed tapestry, now Consciousness may shine and be, and what this involves I haven’t got the foggiest idea.

Let’s see what happens.




Show me the money – how has this journal transformed my Life?

All I can say is the genie is out the bottle and answers to no one but itself, where I feel the presence of this Consciousness that is me and you.

Fair enough, but how has this transformed my Life? The answer to that is we are no longer alone, and that changes everything. The God that you are knows you and sees you the spirit and dense body form, and that has to account for something.


In the past I was always frantic, where there was this nervous energy to me as I understood where and what we are should not be. It’s like being thrown into the wild and not knowing when you will be attacked by the Beasts in whose kingdom you now dwell.

I don’t feel that angst now.


What will the future bring? Your Consciousness and mine knows the answer to that question, as does the Infinite. Just remember that the thought is not you. When you feel a presence take over your body form that is you – that is the God force within. More and more it will make its presence felt. My advice is go with the flow – become this that you are. What awaits us all is a new chapter; a new beginning. When I feel and see the funky Polar Bear called Earl – this representation of Innocence – that is when I close the cover of this journal, and until that confirmation happens, for now I am thankful that we no longer walk alone.

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This morning as I awoke saw a cosmic assassin standing over me. He shoved what looked like a chainsaw right through the chest area of my spirit.

When the journal began my spirit felt the blows of these cosmic assassins, where they took me out because I was not allowed to see the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, this place where “peace” is felt because you are what you are and you know where you are, which is one with this Hell. This is home for the Beast, and this is all they wish to know and be. In this place there is no such thing as Love and consideration for others because it is all about you, and whatever needs to be done to please you at the expense of others, then so be it.


Can you see the parallels here, where here on planet Earth we are almost aligned to this frequency of the home of the Beast within the Analytical illusion, where a few control the many. Was this the goal of the gofers here in this frequency – to steer the frequency of this planet to be in sync with the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, where we feed our energy to them via a pipeline in the digital cloud? Doesn’t that make sense? Why the monumental effort over lifetimes to keep us where they want us? These fuckers know they are on borrowed time because who and what they are does not stimulate Life, rather it destroys it, so these energy farms have been scattered across the illusion, and we are on one of them. I really believe – but am open to being wrong – that the powers that be that rule over the Beast are planning to harvest our energy on a mass/commercial scale because they need it, where they hit these dips in their energy levels every fifty to hundred years due to the nature of what they are, where when you take and destroy others, so too do you do the same to yourself add infinity.


When the cosmic assassins began to attack me I felt their blows, where the damage to my spirit has a knock-on effect to my dense body form which takes it out. In those days when I saw and felt what was done to me I lay still in bed and filled myself with the love I have for my animals, and this increased vibratory rate healed me.

Now I no longer do that because I know what I am. How does an illusion kill what is real? You cannot, so all I do is be this Consciousness that I am.


Do not underestimate the power of compassion in keeping us here in the Hell, where your caring of others whom you love consumes you, where your focus is them and nothing else – not even you. When this unconditional love kicks in, this is what naturally drives you, but as said previously, this is not natural, but rather an unnatural, unhealthy state, where as long as you are in the Analytical illusion, faffing over those that have it bad, you are merely waiting for your demise and theirs at the hands of Beasts. You need to be what you are and get out of this place, and from there come back for those that are floored and don’t know how to get up.

This I believe, is what we need to round us off, where we enter the space of a place where there is nothing else but Love. In knowing Home can we truly know ourselves. Do not underestimate what an environment does to us, either for the good or bad.


To help, we need to get out so that we may return to show the way. Home needs to touch you that is Consciousness so that you may be complete.

What are the chances of being trapped again in this awful place? I would say zero, but having said that, if you walk into this place looking for a fight you will get taken out in no time because you are in their Game that has no winners, where in fighting; this “them versus us” scenario, nobody wins as the bad destroy the good from home ground advantage, and the bad destroy themselves because sooner or later your energy supply runs out because your food becomes worthless, because your food supply is of bad stock, where there is no depth of character in us the slave as we mirror those we feed, where scum feeds scum.


In this place we all eventually die, where the Love that is Consciousness becomes obsolete because that is not important. Jesus, did you watch the game on the weekend? What a nail-biter!

As we become more fearful and disillusioned, we draw our attention away from the reality that Life has consumed us and gotten the better of us, and we don’t know what to do about this, so we immerse ourselves in the distractions of Life to fool ourselves that all is still well. The intensity with which we give our local and national teams our support is ridiculous, and you might say this is a seven-course meal to the Beast, but it is not, because we are plastic, where our team getting more points than the other team drives us to heightened pleasures we never knew existed.


We are plastic – of poor stock, and these fuckers know that, meaning our time with them is coming to an end as they plug into our energy and look for a new species to harvest from. So get the fuck out and stop playing your goody-two-shoes Florence Nightingale role, where all you do is delay the inevitable. Get out, and then come back and merely be what you are, where when others see you they see themselves, and in doing so, remember what they are.     

Go Home to be touched by this what you are, and this will make you shine, and this Light will pick up those that have been floored and take them to the place from where you have just been.

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Nope, I can’t shake them. When I hit the matress and go to sleep I smell them, and when I close my eyes to sleep there they are – these beings from other worlds that come to take me out. What looked like a huge flattened pyramid came walking towards me as I lay in bed last night. He brought with his son, which was a miniature version of him.

Each one that comes brings their own weapon of choice, which they put up right against me at point-blank range. What I have in common with these beings is a frustration within me, where as much as they have had enough of me, so too is the feeling mutual from my side. More than anything, I wish to be amongst my own. As I lay in bed last night and saw these different beings, one after the other, enter my space to destroy me, I asked myself if I am the only one left – is there no other Stevens left out there? Why don’t my own come and visit me?


Then as my body slept, my spirit and Consciousness found itself in another world where these drug-lords were hanging out. These guys started to turn on each other, where they began to shoot the pet dogs to upset some within the group, and pot-shots were taken at random individuals to take them out. And there was my spirit, between the goings on of these insane, cruel lunatics.


For those who don’t know me, there is not a bad streak within me, where I have this urge now and then to release aggression on others, be they a tree or some scum of the universe. That is not me. I crave the stillness of the silence of untouched nature, and I long for beings of self-respect and Love.

Two nights back this female spirit and her troupe spent the whole night around me trying to destroy me. Some questions you cannot answer, especially the one of why would you make it your purpose to destroy what is good and real? That’s a head-scratcher that you can’t quite fathom.


And then there is what is touching us in this frequency of planet Earth. Jesus, these Serpents that infiltrated the dog of my one client were beings I have never experienced before, where all that can save this dog and us the dense body form is an awakened Consciousness.

What is going on? What are these omnipotent Snakes from the shadows of the illusion doing in attacking us the dense body form and our spirit? Why are they so far from their home? What are they doing here; why are they beginning to take us out so randomly?


What I can say is at the moment I don’t have the energy or will to figure this out. I am tired, where after all that has been said and done, you cannot tell me that not even one being of Love can come and help us out? Not one? Has all what has been said fallen on deaf ears?

Why am I still here? Why amongst the cruel in the seen and unseen where my proximity to them frustrates me as much as it does them? I don’t care what they do as it is not for me to change them, just as they have no interest in my understandings as they have no desire to be better than what they are. And it is not for us to judge them, so we leave them be and walk Home.


But this is not happening. I am not walking Home, and within me is no will or energy to understand why. There is nothing more left inside of me. I feel nothing, where there is no will for anything. It is not so much giving up, but rather there is nothing more else to do.

So what is going on? My guess is I am not big enough to see the big picture. What is happening now if beyond your understanding and mine. The alternative is nothing is happening at all. Either way, count Steven out. I have no will to live or to die – just a concerned, vacumeless void.

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What price is one prepared to pay for freedom? How would one define freedom? I would say it is being what you are meant to be and being where you belong – Consciousness in its pure form; and the fields of Infinite Love.

Our focus is money, but what if everyone focused on kindness? What would happen if the filth in the Reptilian frequency of the illusion put down their weapons and extended a helping hand, where the continual nag within them is “How can I help?” What would that change in character do to this place that is Hell?

Am I asking for the impossible, where I ask the Beast to no longer destroy but rather uplift? And what about the rest of us, where all we done was follow the destructive cycle of this Hell-hole, where the further it spun away from Consciousness, the more we continued to destroy all around us.

Look at where we are, where to destroy ourselves and those who Love us, we merely done what the System was and expected from us, which we followed to the t. But some of us stood to one side and said that is insane, because why would you want to destroy, because surely that is not normal? Well, where we are sees such behaviour are part and parcel of who we are, as we match the frequency around us, but there was just one fine-print that we overlooked, which was our happiness and that of others gets thrown out the window. To be a cruel fucker has an expiry date because you sooner or later sink with the destruction you caused all around you.


So what is the answer?

To be cruel there is no answer to that insanity, where all you have to understand is you will be destroyed as the frequency that you are will come home to roost, as this destruction is all you wish to experience.

But what about us who wish to return to what is normal, where all has been taken from us to the point where we are spiritual beggars, where more than anything, we wish for the Love of a God to touch and embrace us for now and forever more. What is the answer to our dilemma of being alone in the wilderness and at the mercy of the Beast? What do we have to do to be touched by what is naturally everywhere, as the Infinite is everywhere?


Excuse the swearing, but why the fuck do we have to ask for the Infinite to touch us? The answer to that question took almost ten and a half years to uncover, where bit by bit, the layers of our imprisonment were peeled away so that we may understand how we were so cunningly trapped within this illusion.

This I know, as I wrote down each and every word and have seen what few have seen, but what I don’t know is what more needs to be done for the Infinite to touch us. It has always been more than us, where a Creator from the Infinite was floored and trapped in this Hell. When I go into the space of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia now, all I feel is this strong rotation within my throat. That is the Word that is alive and strong within her. What this Word is, is I am Everything and there is nothing else but me, meaning she knows herself.

Great stuff, but how does this touch you and me and the countless others in the illusion that are spiritual beggars, where more than anything, we wish we were no longer alone. The lifetimes of patiently waiting are over, because we are tired of waiting. Are you trying to tell me that the Infinite is  not bigger than all this mess? Are you trying to tell me that the Infinite could not have penetrated this Hell-hole and saved the Innocent? Are you trying to tell me that the scum of the illusion within the seen and unseen are mightier that the power of Love? Because if you are, I don’t buy what you are trying to tell me.


Did I have to write this journal? Couldn’t the Infinite see the colour of my Heart and take me Home to where I belong, as with the trillions upon trillions that stand alongside me?


So what is the deal? Why did we have to live through this nightmare?

For us within the illusion, the only answer I can give is we huddled together to make the most of a bad situation, where from the All That Is, we downsized ourselves and became extremely small – small, pathetic little figures who forgot how big our hearts and our imagination is. We accepted our small, soft-cock status, and this we made peace with.

So what is within us that we forgot about that needs to be awakened? The answer is everything else besides us, where we have always looked at the one in the mirror, but what about everything else that we are? If Consciousness is everything as it arose from the Infinite, why not broaden your horizons to embrace the everything else that is you besides this one unit that is you whom you have become so infatuated with.

Go out, beyond your borders, and this answers the question from the Infinites perspective as to why we lived through this nightmare and the Infinite never touched us. It was because we never stepped a foot out of our cave to where the Infinite can touch us, because in our cave we felt safe and had an element of peace that fluctuated from moment to moment, but when we caught a glimpse of it in a moment this was good enough for us. Phew – Life is good.


So what the fuck am I saying? What am I talking about?

What I am saying to you the spirit and Consciousness is let go and jump off the cliff, and on the way down/up/to the sides, embrace this all that you are so that you may once again become this Everything that is everywhere. You touch the stars you fuck-nuts because you are the stars – you are the all because there is no beginning and no end in the fields of Infinite Love.

Let go of you to embrace the All that is everywhere that is you, and in doing so, you will understand what you are.


Hurry up and be what you are, and from there touch us the dense body form and our environment so that we may ride this Joy that you are.

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Let me tell you what came last night as I closed my eyes to sleep and my spirit and Consciousness let go of the cliff to absorb and be the all that is around them that they are.

After a few minutes I saw what looked like a sand dune come alive, where this flat, living, breathing presence with a tint of green made itself known to me. This was something I have never experienced before. This was above the level of the Reptilian frequency of the illusion. Never have I known such a presence.


From this awe of what was in front of me they implanted a dream within me. The story was of a bomb going off, with me being one of the casualties. The story had the emotional side of those who had just lost loved ones.

For hours I was kept in this implanted dream as my energy was taken from me.


When I was pulled out of this implanted dream and I knew I had just been had by this force in front of me, I was floored. A deathly silence filled me, where my whole being shouted out “How could you!” But I was too flabbergasted to utter a sound, so I just lay there and turned around to try and once again go to sleep. As I turned on my side I looked up to see the ones who had implanted the dream/story, where my disappointment in them left me speechless. So I half-looked, not really caring who was there. There were two of them, and their presence covered me like an umbrella, with one in front of me and the other behind. I looked at the one in front of me and she was larger than life, and wore a robe with a hood that covered her face. She looked at me and wiped a tear away from her face, showing me that she was shameful and sorry for what had just happened. She had the image of how they portray Mary in the Bible.


My whole feel at what had happened was now I experienced a place in the illusion where there was Love. Up till now, I have seen the cruel in the seen and unseen – the chaos, but in this place where my spirit and Consciousness could be all that they are, here I saw Love within this illusion. You expect to see a beautiful rose or hear a philarmonic orchestra in full flight, and in this beauty you are also aware that something is seriously amiss, as in something is wrong – terribly wrong.


Just before I got out of bed I pressed the nail side of my thumbs against my closed eyelids to see deep into the unseen.

I saw what looked like an indented mouth made of a living coral, and this mouth was being filled by the clear energy around it. This mouth made of living coral I have seen once before, and then too I saw the water/energy flowing into this mouth.

Then I saw the Purple Eye of the presence of the Infinite within the illusion. Always when I see this Eye, either in its Golden or Purple colour, there is a distinct black pupil in its centre. This time around the pupil was focused on, and what it looked like close up was a piece of coral. (This is the same "coral" mentioned above.)


Now here is the question: What did I just see? Did I see a Purple Eye, or did I see the Infinite wrapping around a living being that needed the Love and comfort of the Infinite?


What is going on? Is the Infinite wrapped around this twisted, beautiful being and does not know how to help it? Obviously I don’t know, but I also do know when you consider I saw this female presence who took my energy to help another.

So what is going on? What is so bad within an entity that the Infinite cannot fix it? Earlier on when I said that now we were in a place of Love within the illusion, is this the Love from the Infinite we are feeling that is wrapping itself around this entity to comfort and protect it? I would say so, but boy-oh-boy, what is going on here? How can we help?


Go into the presence that is this “coral” structure, and there I feel the mouth that looks like an indented square box. And there I feel the fluid that flows into this mouth. The fluid goes into the entity, and once inside, the mouth is blocked off so that what is inside can be absorbed. (The whole feel I get here before I felt the fluid was of a frog entering the mouth of this “coral” presence, and I remember when I saw this being up close, in the area was a frog with the top part of its body covered in hair.)

What is ingested by this creature settles over the gut area and is absorbed there, and this is released through what I would call the left side gills of this being. What I would like to say here is my theory of the illusion being one glorified fluid bubble is true, where water/fluid is what we and everything else is.

As the waste flows out the left gills, the water flows once again into the mouth to repeat the cycle.


What is the Infinite looking after – this one that defines the illusion? What are beings of Love doing to take my energy to feed this “coral” entity? What is going on? Go into the space of this being and trace its origin from where it arose.


It arose from the creation of the Analytical illusion by the Consciousness of the Serpents that came to ponder on who and what they are. One could call this being the building block of the Analytical illusion in its pure and innocent form, and what we are talking about here is not your average thumb-size piece of coral you pick up in a tidal pool. We are talking about the framework of the imagination of Consciousness that creates, where this city/place was built for the Serpent to have a thought. Our world is a speck of dust that makes up this wide, infintismal place that the Consciousness of the Serpent built that I call the Analytical illusion.


So there I feel this pool that is released from the imagination of Consciousness – this framework for this glorified  library in the infinite sky, and on this framework the illusion was built, which was a most beautiful place. But then this frame rolled in on itself, like one would roll up a carpet. There was chaos and turmoil that destroyed this framework of the illusion, and this rolled up framework of the illusion became part of the piece of “coral” that the Infinite has wrapped itself around and protected ever since.

First question is what destroyed the framework of the illusion, where it became a shrivelled up piece of “coral?” The answer is this foundation was not developed as it normally does – with the intermix of the Heart field, and this caused it to crumble.

The second question is why could the Infinite not intervene and assist? Why not heal and rebuild rather than hang around and comfort a broken presence? The answer here is the Infinite did not wish to intervene because the Serpents came here to Think and ponder, and not live from the Heart. This library in the sky was meant to be temporary so there was no need from the Infinite to fix this temporary structure.

Okay, fine, so what happened that this Analytical illusion is still intact with a broken framework that needs to be fed our energy?


To answer this question, I feel the Heart space opening up and the Infinite pouring out this Energy field, and on this the broken foundation was layed. With the task complete, the Infinite returned to from where it arose, but then it went back to reassess what had just been done as something was wrong and it did not know what it was. What was wrong, was this way to make a foundation – from the head of Consciousness and the Heart of the Infinite was not normal because the Heart field is always used from the space of Consciousness when something is created/imagined into form by Consciousness.

So what was created broke off – fell apart, and this presence of the Infinite that came to see what was wrong became trapped within the defect that is now the framework for the Analytical illusion.


And that is why the Purple and Golden Eye of the Infinite always had a Black pupil within, where it was not so much an Eye, but rather the Infinite embracing its own that was trapped within the framework of where we are. Now you have a being made of “coral” that is half illusion and half Infinite.

Oh man, how do you fix that; this being that the Infinite gave comfort to, and we gave our energy to it? Or should I say, our energy was fed to it by beings of Love whom I met last night in my sleep state.


The answer is you dismantle the illusion.

Imagine David Copperfield walking through a wall as part of a magic trick. Halfway through the wall he returns to his dense state, where now his body form is trapped within the density of the wall, where flesh and bricks blend together and you cannot separate the one from the other. But if you take away the density of the wall the magician will be free of his imprisoned state, and so too, remove the illusion from this presence from the Infinite and it can be free of its prison. So how do we do that? The answer is an illusion enters this distorted illusionary framework and increases its vibration until it is no more, and from there this presence from the Infinite is free to return through the Heart field to the Infinite. This the Infinite could never do, where it became an illusion devoid of a Heart field, or let’s put it this way – it tried to do this and it never worked out. Only an illusion can go into an illusion and increase its vibratory rate until the illusion becomes less dense so that those trapped within this faulty framework can be set free, and this we do now by seeing and knowing of the wrong that should be right.

And just like that, the “pupil/coral” that was surrounded by the presence/“Eye” of the Infinite is released from the distorted framework of the illusion, where it returns to the Heart space, and from there, through this space into the Infinite.

Oh wow, and just like that, the eternal problem is solved.


So what kept the Infinite here, where we could not be set free from this All That Is?

Now we know, where the problem had to be fixed from inside the illusion.


May this be the last.


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Some say the Fibonacci sequence is the numbers/codes/mathematical formula of all Life. I would agree with this, and I would say the origin of this frequency is from the lost state of Consciousness, where this sequence represents the lost state of Consciousness.


But I was wrong. Consciousness was not lost, rather it was stuck in an illusion and didn’t know how to free itself from this place. Now when I close my eyes to see the Purple Eye of the Infinite, I see the “pupil” of this Eye free from its entrapped state. This mixture/ensnarled state of a presence of the Infinite and the illusion I saw as a living piece of “coral” that had to be fed to be kept alive because it was now a part of the illusion, and this place needs energy to survive.


So it was never about rising above the sheer, raw stupidity of the Beast in the Analytical illusion. It was never about getting the upper hand over them and reclaiming our freedom.

It was about freeing a presence of the Infinite/Consciousness that was stuck in this illusion.

Why was the machine that is the illusion created, where we went from Thinking to surviving? Was it to keep this trapped Consciousness alive?


When this journal first began I was given the name Kwinn in my sleep state. What this message was, was loyalty, where no matter what, I will never abandon you. That word Kwinn symbolized the message from the Infinite to this stuck presence within the illusion, where this “coral” looking entity would never be abandoned, hence the Purple circle that always surrounded it.  


What is written above I find remarkable. What a sad story, and what a relief that it is over.

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It’s a pity my dad had no interest in being a father, because the one or two wise words he parted were beauts, and how much more could I have learnt from him if he stood by what he brought into this world.

What he once said, was parenting had an element of luck, where the child you bring into this world can be an absolute shit, regardless of how well you raise them. That is true of my eldest daughter, where her shaming me has no limits, to the point where I feel uncomfortable in my own house. The real damage however lies within me, where you invest everything you have in another because you only want the best for them. Even now, after nineteen years, I don’t have two cents to rub together to call my own with which I can financially support my family, but I gave them everything of me to make sure they knew I was there for them and a part of their lives. My theme was always have a good Heart, where you are a good person. What I never knew, was I was barking up the wrong tree, where my words meant nothing, because if you cannot love someone who loves you unconditionally who wants nothing from you but your happiness, then who can you love?


Having such a child brings you back to ground zero, where now you have to untwine yourself from one you cared for and nurtured, because only a fool would hang around for the continual abuse that is to follow. So you look hard at yourself because you gave everything just because you can, and what you gave was worthless as it meant nothing to the recipient. This floors you, where you instantaneously feel like a worthless piece of shit. And let’s not get all philosophical, because, as dad said, there’s an element of luck, and mine was bad luck.

So what you have to do, is pull yourself away from this one whom you intertwined your life with so that you may distance yourself from their abuse, to the point where they are no longer a part of your existence, because frankly, if you wish to be cruel, you will be met with cruelty, but go and play your game with others as I have no interest in being around those who like to break things and this is all they wish to be and know.

You pull yourself apart from what you gave your all to, and then you walk to find you and be you.


And I would say the same is going to happen within the Analytical illusion, where what we have always known is now going to sheer/crack so that we may be aligned to the completed/whole state of Consciousness in order to know our true selves.

We will sheer away from this frequency that is the illusion, and then what was will be broken so that what should be can be set, where as said, we may then know our true selves. There will be a rumble in the jungle, and from there, the jungle will once again return to a paradise.


What will happen to these who have become so ingrained in what they are, where they know of nothing else but what they are? After all that has been said to those in the unseen realms, they still come at night to take me out. How is it possible that one is not open to a different you, where you unfold into the flower that you are? Explain that to me, where cruelty and destruction is all you are, and you are not open to being anything else but what you are?

I would say their mould will be broken, as will mine and yours, and in that moment, we will see this all that we have come to believe we are, and then their eyes will be open to what is real. Cruelty and destruction is not real – that is merely an illusion – a Hell-hole – in which we became trapped. Love is real, and as we become pulled apart from all we know, when our mould is broken we will understand this to be true, where how can you be anything else but Love.


That day will come, and I stand first in line to await it.

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There was something Consciousness needed to tell me, and this was explained through the story I was shown last night as I slept.


I was taken to an Open-Salon to show how it worked, and this salon was open because when you moved from station to station, you were out in the open, as in outdoors. That there were males or females at each station was irrelevant, as what was important was the message, so we are not being sexist in choosing one gender over another.

In this Open-Salon there was a female at each station, and at the station I had just been to one shoved your tongue up her second base. Now I was waiting in the queue with other guys to get to the next station, but something was wrong, as there were too many men at each station, so I broke ranks and went back to talk to the female whose station we were just at.

At this point in the story the focus was just on her, where she could not see that I was in her space. This lady was in a wheelchair, and she had a list of all the men who had been through her and her station, and she was overcome with joy by all the money she had made. She was laughing and smiling as her joy overtook her with how happy she was.

Inbetween what I have just described above, I was amongst plants. So the setting moved from me being shown this Open-Salon, to me watering what looked like a huge grape vine.

At the end of this story this place was exposed, and each of these girls were interrogated. “ How long have you been working at the Salon?” In asking the question, I was shown stems of plants, and the plants with the thickest stems had been there the longest.


So you can image my uneasiness, waking up from this location where I had just returned from. Understand that Consciousness had to let us know of something that was wrong, and how this message was conveyed to us was through this story/visions that it took me through as I slept.


The message is loud and clear, and the message also shows that I was right in saying that through our limited sight and imagination, Consciousness would look like a plant to us. What the message is, is Consciousness is addicted, where it loves the joy of receiving what it wanted – in this case it was money.

What this means, is the doors are open for Consciousness to return to what it is, yet it remains where and what it is through the joy the Game brings to it.


Much has been said in the journal regarding our sway to addiction, but what I never knew was that Consciousness is also “Human,” in that it is susceptible to the desires/wants the illusion has to offer. It was always just assumed that this soft-cock is bigger than you and me, but I was wrong, and for me, it is devastating to know that this pure being of Love succumbed to the distractions of Life that tickled us the fool pink.


So where is this addiction frequency within Consciousness so that it may be removed, where Consciousness may rise to where it belongs?

The disaster is not so much that it is within Consciousness, rather this frequency surrounds the Analytical illusion, and I say this because when I closed my eyes to look for the answer to the above question, I felt this band of frequency wrap around my left eye, which represents this illusion. So what that means is all who enter the Analytical illusion are impregnated with a want, which leads to an addiction – including your Consciousness and mine, so we were not so much swayed to go on a pussy-hunt or a shopping spree, but rather the addiction frequency was forced/impregnated upon us.

The important point here is that Consciousness made this frequency its own, so we are talking about two fronts – the one being the frequency that was projected into the illusion, and the other being this frequency within Consciousness that it came to love and see as its own.


Years ago I came across an article of the town Kalachi that had the infamous title of village of the damned, where the inhabitants would sleep for days, and the men had a sexual urge that would make them tear down walls to get what they wanted i.e. their sexual drive was super-intense. I said of this village in the journal that the layer between what is projected from the unseen to the seen is thinner in this village, thus the amplitude of what is projected onto all of us is so much more for the inhabitants of Kalachi. This sensation of a rage of a sex drive I also experienced after I was exposed to an area where this layer between the seen and unseen is thinned out, and please understand that this feeling one has is scary, where you have no control of what is happening to you, where the impulses within you take you over. Sounds kinky, well its not – having Beasts pull your strings where they have total control over you so they may feed from your energy. These spots throughout the illusion where our finesse and tact is removed by the unashamed will of the Beast highlights our true role, which are feeders to abominal demons and Beasts.

That fuck is not for you to let off a bit of steam – it is for the demons around you that have just fed from your energy you released through the orgasm. Nothing romantic or sexy in that, is there?


Yesterday I pushed with all my might, because as much as I understand we have to walk this path to uncover the truth to be set free, something has to give sooner or later because we cannot carry on doing what we have always done. That pushing revealed the addiction state of Consciousness, where the joy of receiving what it wanted is sublime – a true ecstacy and peace all in one. Fair enough, but unfortunately there is just one snag: You are feeding Beasts from the shadows your attention and passing on them your energy, all the while keeping you, your spirit, and the dense body form in a Hell where they dont belong.


Shame. When finding ourselves in a place where we don’t belong, we make the most of the crumbs that are thrown our way, and in these simple and irrelevant things we find joy. This can not only be from shoving a tongue where it doesn’t belong. It can be from watching a sunset or seeing a beautiful flower, or even just embracing the Life around us, because Life is good, and this gives me joy, and this joy I become addicted to, to hide the reality of where I am, which is a place I don’t belong in.

This is sad stuff I am talking about, where we do our best to find the beauty in a place that has none as the base foundation of this place is demons and Beasts. What I speak of is beyond sadness – it is pitiful, and this shit ends now.


This want projection is removed from the presence of the Analytical illusion now by knowing it is there and has no place within our existence, and from this Flower/Plant that we are, this awful frequency of having to be addicted to something is no more.


So be it.

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As said in the last entry above, yesterday I pushed because I am getting nowhere. At one point I went to go and lie down on the ground, and with the nail side of my thumbs, I pushed against my closed eyelids to look deep within the illusion. Specifically, I looked for this presence of the Infinite that became trapped within the Analytical illusion – this being that looked to me like a living piece of coral.

What I saw was a young boys face. He had a few teeth missing, and the general demeanour that he projected was one of a retard. In a nutshell, deep within the illusion I saw a dummy, and this that I saw was the presence of the Infinite that  became trapped in this place.


It is this state that became trapped here on which all Life within the Analytical illusion became a replica of, where this presence of the Infinite/Love had one foot in the illusion and the other in the Infinite, where it was stuck between the here and the Everafter. This being of Love became dumbed down from going nowhere – neither here nor there. This being of Love became addicted to the Game that was progressing beneath it, and as its Consciousness became addicted, so did ours.


Your evolvement and mine to where we belong is in the hands of this one who became trapped within the illusion; this one whom the Infinite would never abandon, no matter what. What was needed to set this being free, and thus the Analytical illusion free from its downward spiral to destruction, was help from the inside of the illusion, where only an illusion can set another illusion free, where both see themselves as real, which is obviously not the case. So this journal has progressed to setting this dummy free, but its addiction to the Game that arose from boredom of being stuck in a place where it doesn’t belong kept it here. What I should have seen was the presence of the Infinite, but instead I saw this retard – which was a symbolic message of the state of this presence of the Infinite that was trapped here. We found out about the addiction, and this has been removed, so where too from here?


Unfortunately for you and me, the answer depends on this one that was trapped. And here we need to reiterate, where the Consciousness that was trapped became the blueprint for all the Conscious states within the illusion, where its addiction became ours, as well as that of the Analytical illusion itself. The demons and Beasts in this place just rode the crest of the wave and took this place to states never imagined before, where each perversion became worse than the last one, where our rottenness and twisted minds took us to places that we would call the depths of Hell. That Valley of Death through which my Consciousness walked a few weeks back is one of such places, where those there let go to embrace the all that comes from a trapped state of Consciousness. (This all is Fear.) We have known no limits, and as long as this trapped state of Consciousness was still there, then so were we. But it was getting worse as the Analytical illusion rolled downwards, until it would eventually become no more.


What this trapped state of the Infinite looked like through our limited imagination when I saw it was a wrinkled up piece of coral. From there it has progressed to what looks like a retarded young boy, and once again, remember we are being shown what can be interpreted through our limited imagination and sight. This that I explain is not the true state of this one that was trapped, but rather a represention so that we may see where we stand in correlation to this one who we came to mimic.


So what does this dummy look like now?

What I am shown is a rounded piece of coral with millons of tiny pink spots, and interspersed here and there are white patches. From there, this coral takes form to be all white, and one sees a face in the coral.


Never in your entire life could you imagine the sadness you feel for this one that has been trapped for so long. Words cannot describe the loss of what this presence had and was, to what it became. And the biggest fuck-up of all was that it was nobody’s fault. It was an accident – an awful, terrible accident.

This being is growing/evolving to what it should be, and as it does so, so does your Consciousness and mine.

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