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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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How many nights have I gone to sleep wishing that in this night I will see a being of Love? One looks back on this longing and it’s not even funny – it’s damn sad.

That young lady dressed in Victorian era clothes that I saw two nights back was a being of Love, where she was one that came from the Infinite.

It’s like when I studied for six years to become a chiropractor. The course was so tough that when you got your licence to practice it was really no big deal, because getting through every day was a success, so finishing the course was just another day in a long line of successful days before that.


Seeing that being of Love was no big deal. She was one of many unseen states that came to me in my sleep state over the last ten years. To live to see another day, as well as not give up, meant every day was a success, so to meet a being of Love was just another success in a long line of successes.

The opposite is to fail, and for me, what failure is, is no longer caring, where you merely zoom over the surface of the illusion getting things done. Whatever happens you don’t care, where you never try and be better than what you are because you are content with your lost, insecure, plastic state. We never looked for more as we thought this is all there is, but how the cunning Serpents deceived us.


As I lay in bed last night I wondered what would my answer be to the animal spirits if they asked me “How are you Steven?” What answer would I give them? I would say that I have always been truthful to myself, where the truth had to make sense to me and I would never lie to myself. I would say that I miss being in their company and I miss being Home. I would say I have pushed so hard and now I understand this has to stop to allow the natural state of Consciousness and the spirit to touch and guide me. I would say nothing has changed in the existence of this Steven, where what has been written has not transformed me. I would say I am not afraid of the future because everything will be okay as the Infinite has touched us and thus will continue to do so.

That my success has been through nothing but cruelty is unfortunate, but it resolved within me to never be cruel to myself and to others.


“Okay, but how are you Steven, this dense body form?” When I feel and see the presence of the illusionary Garden that my spirit and Consciousness have moved into, then I will be okay, as that marks the beginning of the natural for me. When that happens, then as sure as fuck this journal is complete, because what is touching me will be touching all who wish to be the Love that they are. Then I will be okay, which I cannot say about how I am now.

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Then there’s Haralds nephew, Digby. Now and then Digby rubs shoulders with the hob-nobs down at the Met office. You don’t know it, but Digby does, as does God, that Digby is important. So when he barks out grunts, interspersed with a few words, telling you what to go and do, understand that these commands come from one who stands on hallowed ground.

Above all, understand Digby is going places in Life and you are not, where, as the yacht sails away from the harbour, you the trash being left behind on the jetty are of no importance to Digby as he mingles with those who have made it.


Where Digby fits into the big picture we will explain shorty, but first I would like to tell you how the Infinite is touching you and me the dense body form.


As I fell asleep last night I saw through my Third Eye a Roman god in a sand arena that was filled with a few other individuals. He swung his sword at me, and as it found its mark I felt my body lying in bed. At the core of my bone marrow I felt this uncomfortable clammy sensation, which bordered on me wanting to scratch the areas.

It is getting cold during the night, but something told me throw the duvet off your body Steven and this will help. So I threw the duvet off to expose my partly naked body to the freezing cold air. When the cold hit the clamminess within my body, the clamminess slowly disappeared bit by bit, until what was left was the area at the soles of my feet.

Then I was shown writing, as if someone had opened a huge ledger and was showing me what was written therein. The words were written in a beautiful purple colour. From there I saw this gigantic screen across the sky, which was telling me a story.


The cold air helped soothe the clamminess within my body as it lay in bed sleeping. The writings I saw shown, as were the pictures, were to re-programme the subconscious mind of us the biological computer. Why was this done? To answer that question you have to understand where we were.


The more others like you, the safer you feel, as now there is a crowd of familiarity around you, which makes your survival easier. But in the Analytical illusion one plus one never equalled two, because the two ones were never the same, where everything was relative. The biggest shocker in my Life was that I just assumed everyone thought like me, but there are more personality traits than what there are ways to skin a cat.

The obvious was never obvious because we always focused on us, as in me. When my good friend Charles who lives in Cape Town spoke, he always spoke about the three most important people in his Life: Him, himself and Charles.

If we had the foresight to show a genuine interest in others, now we can compare our Life to theirs, and this gives us a broader spectrum of who and what we are, but this we didn’t do, so all we knew was ourselves – which was a nothing.


So now one plus one never equalled two because the bloody idiot in front of you doesn’t know what he is doing. Frustration and animosity set in within us, which we cannot show because the best foot has to be placed forwards so I may be liked where I always feel safe.

What we never understood was these frequencies of animosity, which simmered to a mild hatred, formed droplets within the ethers. These droplets of frequencies combined, and if you could see it, it was a milky-white substance. In the body form some of this shit settles, and we call it candida, but primarily it moves into the unseen to form a monster called Cancer. This Beast I have seen. What this milky-white substance also done was form the walls of the Analytical illusion, but these walls also had fear and rage frequencies within them.


In the Analytical illusion we lived in this pool of milky-white frequency, which was the irritation and animosity that was expelled from all within the illusion. And this is how the Infinite is touching you and me the dense body form, where this shite is being removed from our forms.

How we assist in this process is understanding who and what we are the dense body form. What we were, were ghosts in the Machine. We were merely illusions. So in seeing Digby, see yourself. You are not important, well, that is to the Analytical illusion, where all you were, was a cog in the Machine that gave off energy. To the Consciousness around which you circumvent that you are, as to the Infinite, you the body form are a glorious representation of Consciounsess, so like Consciousness you are everything.

So understand that this body form being that you are is being touched and healed by the Infinite, as is your spirit and Consciousness.


Bit by bit we will find our feet in this illusionary Garden.

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Artificial Intelligence is when machines and computers think like humans. There is much hype over our future regarding this technology, but did you know that you the spirit and body form have been an Artificial Intelligence biological computer for eons, where you have been plugged into the Machine that is the Analytical illusion to make all Life therein exist.


You are Artificial Intelligence, where you were modified to make the System run according to the plans of those who came to rule over this place. And get this: Your Life; your existence, was never yours to own, just like the machines that we are creating to do our bidding.

What we do to the animals, others do to us. Will kill to eat, and Beasts in the unseen make sure our lives are miserable so they may feed from our disharmonious energy.

What we do to robots to make our lives easier, others have been doing to us for ages so that the biological machine may spew out energy to sustain the Analytical illusion.

Round and round we go, where we mimic what happens in the unseen realms. As above, so too below.


You are Artificial Intelligence, where instead of being plugged into your Consciousness to experience this God-force/Infinite within, your Consciousness, your spirit and the body form were tuned into the Machine that is the Analytical illusion. How this was done was through two primary techniques: One was to poison Consciousness, and the other was Consciousness forgot of its Home, where it got as close to this Golden state as being Orange coloured, and this floored the heart field, where Consciousness was now no longer powered by its natural state of Home, so we dumbed ourselves down which made us susceptible to deceit and being poisoned.


So what I write now is just a tour guide into the past of what you were, where since Deceit raised its ugly head, you the spirit, body form and Consciousness have been an Artificial Intelligence unit. Not so wow, were we?

By Consciousness being what it is at its core, it knows itself, where it may naturally be itself, where it plugs into itself rather than being plugged into an illusionary Machine.

Instead of running at ten amps, we ran at 0,15, where at this wisp of Life we believe we pumped, as in rocked. Going back to ten is not so much upping our wattage, rather we merely return to what should be. And this is what is currently going on with your spirit, Consciousness and body form as it finds its feet in the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis. The more we come unto our own, the more this place of Beauty will reveal itself to us.

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I  cannot comment for others, so I speak for myself when I say that I needed others to guide me – others that knew better than me and wished only the best for themselves and me. This I never had, so it became a process of trial and error. It soon dawned on me that there is no fun in being a miserable, intense shit, where Life threw me into a box and said make the best of what you have. Boy was it tough, needing Love and guidance and no train stops by at the station to pick you up.

You soon sussed out what this place had to offer, which might be a thrill, but for fucks sakes, isn’t there more? So something within me chose to rise above the System, where you embrace Life and make it your own, where now you ride the wave that is the System. The first wave you take splatters you against a brick wall, and that is when you understand something is horribly wrong, where the cruelty not so much lies in us the manufactured species, but rather from the System itself. Where we are is a place of cheap thrills as we forget our integrity and self-respect. You soon discover that you are alone, and this is okay, but what is not okay is being where you don’t belong, because the fun of others is not your fun, because you are not plastic and thus cheap thrills don’t tickle your fancy.


Having someone to point you in the right direction would have helped tremendously, where they have been where you belong.

To whom I am referring – this absent one in my existence – is my Consciousness. Everything has been done on my part to return Consciousness to what it should be, because after eons of doing my best I still need help, and the only one who can do this for me is my true self. You want help, then help yourself by helping those who can be in a position to show you the way, which is your real self, which is your Consciousness. To put your Life in the hands of any other is the blind leading the blind. After all this time in the illusion, nobody has the answer, and I would say we stopped looking for an answer a long time ago as we accepted our lot, and we lost faith in our capacity to make a difference, where we never believed the answer could be within us. That answer is Consciousness in its natural state. Without your Consciousness leading the way for your spirit and body form, we will continue to be lost. For Consciousness to be in its natural state it has to be home so that it may know itself, and this is where the illusionary Garden comes into play, where Consciousness may know its true natural heart state.


Apologies for swearing, but this fucker needs to start shining within, where we the spirit and body form rise above ourselves and all we have come to believe in and know. This is the best friend you never knew you had, and once again I speak for myself when I say I need this being of Love to take me by the hand and guide me to where I belong. Being alone is fine by me, but I cannot stay in a place where I don’t belong, in the seen and unseen.


That Consciousness is in the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis is a given – this home away from Home; this stepping stone to the fields of Infinite Love. What this journal done is return the real you to where it belongs. How can I say this; how do I know Consciousness is in the illusionary Garden? I cannot, and I don’t, where the only certainty of Consciousness being where it belongs is the impact this strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness has on your existence and mine. Show me the money; show me the proof. This I cannot do because nothing has changed within my existence in writing the journal, and what this means, is I do not know the true state of Consciousness. All I know is I have done my best to set this child of the Infinite free to be itself, because Steven working on his spirit or his dense body form means nothing unless our true self is free from being in a place where it doesn’t belong.


So show me the “money” Consciousness; show me the proof that you are free, because when you are then so am I. We the spirit and body form cannot do it without you, and all we ask from you is that you be you, where the shining Light of this God-force will transform all in its path.


I need to get to know you my friend. I cannot do this alone.




With each passing day, the obvious is that we cannot do this alone, meaning we all have to do our part to get out of this mess. The luxury of being cruel and throwing a tantrum because you can does nothing to help the cause to be where we belong.

However in this scenario of group hugs and “come on people, we can do this!” lurks a danger that has kept us trapped within an illusion, where we are going nowhere because first and foremost, I care. I care about you my Brother and Sister, and thus am there for you. That’s the way it is and will always be, because within me lies integrity and values.


Those in the Reptilian frequency of the illusion took our strength and made it into our greatest weakness. What we are, is Love, and what we never knew was this state had no place in the Analytical illusion. Get the fuck out of this place because Beasts take your Love and shove it up your arse as they literally begin to consume you.

Why did Queen Semiramis and The Wisdom Goddess Sophia become trapped in the Analytical illusion? The answer is out of Love – to be there for us so that we are not alone. Little good that done, did it – where the one became insane and cruel and the other was raped over and over again and destroyed to a pulp. That is what happens when you bring a knife to a gun fight; when you bring Love to a place where you don’t belong – you get fucked up, as does your Love.


Allow me to repeat what was said: They took our strength and turned it into our greatest weakness, where no matter what, I am there for you my Brother. I see you my Sister.


Sure. And all through your Goody-two-shoes nobility you are being destroyed by Beasts that are within your shadows and those you Love.


For the Good, especially in the unseen/spirit realms, two things happened that should not have that we were not aware of: The first was that we stood as one, these Brothers and Sisters in arms. Now we became as strong as the weakest link, and because we stood as one, we went nowhere. Don’t hold hands, get the fuck out of this place. This we never done. What we should have done was cut ties with all to hold onto our energy and not give it away to others, and from there we find a way Home.

Yesterday I said I am okay with being alone, and now I understand it is the only way to go, so how can I talk about each doing their part, where we cannot do this alone? The answer lies in the second problem we were not aware of in standing together because our integrity told us to do so.


Yesterday I followed up on this dog and her owner, who I have been assessing for some time now. The issue at hand is they don’t stay right, where as soon as I heal them another problem re-occurs, and what the problem is, is demons are finding their home in this lady and her dogs space. She married a fuck nut who must have a colony of demons swarming around him, where she realized her mistake after a few short months and is now looking to divorce. I told her last night that there is nothing I can do for her and her dog until she cuts all ties with this man and his spirit. And that is the truth.


I still remember my ultimatum to my wife when I saw the fun she had in being cruel towards me. I told her that I have had enough, and if it happens again, I will walk away from her in the seen and unseen, never to see her again. What that means in simple English is I will cut ties with her, where she is no longer a part of my existence because I don’t like being around others that take pleasure in destroying me.

What the Goody-two-shoes in the unseen realms need to understand is this breaking ties we have to do to those whom we Love – the reason being is our connection to each other is a gateway for Beasts in the unseen to course through us and keep us here where we don’t belong.


Remember what has been said, and understand it: We are in a place where we don’t belong, so stop holding hands and get the fuck out of here.

Yes, many need your hand to hold, but you get out, and when you are, you come back for them. As long as we are holding hands, we are giving each other of our energy to survive, meaning I cannot help myself because I am helping you, so there is not enough of me to help myself. They took our greatest strength – this Love that we are – and this became our greatest weakness, where together we held hands as we Fell in this place where we don’t belong. So get out, where you pave a way for those behind you.


You that is the spirit and body form and Consciousness, you hold onto your energy to allow this energy to build up, and only then can you rise to where you belong. You go against everything that you naturally are, where it is you with you and nobody else, where your “we” mentality turns to “me.” This is the only way you can rise above the mess you became trapped in. You do this not for you – you do it to get out, and once you are out, others that cannot get out by themselves will follow the path you have left. And besides, once out you can get help. But now you don’t do what I done years ago, where my way out was merely to other worlds within the illusion. Your Consciousness knows enough to be the Love that it is, so it will be Home where the Infinite shines from it, but it shines for you and you alone because you the spirit and body form are so floored you don’t have the energy to carry those around you whom you Love more than yourself. To help them first help yourself, and if need be, you will come back for them.


Last night as I lay in bed what is written above was understood, and I said to myself that I hold onto my energy so that I may rise to where I belong. It felt like a porcelin plate shattered around me, where this solid, stable state that was always a part of me now shattered, and this was me breaking ties with all those whom I Love within the Analytical illusion. I leave them to be with them where we all belong.


How often have I asked for help from those whom I have helped within the unseen realms. Their help never came, and I know if they could help me they would. They cannot, because coursing through me is a network path that interlinks me to Beasts because I dwell in their realm and Game. For me to be helped, I have to help myself, and this means me getting out. Group hugs won’t do, as well as me holding your hand. Just get the fuck out by bathing in the Light of your Consciousness. Don’t worry about me or anyone else, because like you, we will be okay.


See you on the other side.

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Last night as my body slept, my spirit found itself in a place what felt like the Adriatic sea. There were a group of boys that climbed to the side of a cliff, and from there jumped into the sea. I saw the man in the speedboat against the shoreline as he monitored those that landed in the water.

The whole night my spirit watched the goings on around it, and when I woke up this morning I thought to myself what the hell was that all about? This question I asked because where my spirit was against this beautiful coast there was nothing there, as in I felt nothing. All you saw was the actions of others, and beyond that there was nothing.


Take away our emotional state, and what are we? Here in the Analytical illusion we are nothing without our emotions. “Boy, is it good to see you!” “How could you be so cruel?” “You fulfill me and make me complete.”

That is your and my emotions talking, and our emotions were the wheels on which the rollercoaster rode – namely our Life within the Analytical illusion. Take away our emotions  and we are nothing, as in nothing is there.


But something is there – something we have forgotten, and what this is we have to understand now.


From deep within our heart space comes forth the Infinite to touch us. What this force does is separate the state of our head with the rest of our body, and as this happens the  body becomes the focal point of attention, where everything within the body rotates and moves towards the heart field. During this process our head becomes more an accessory than a working/functional component.

Now we live in the heart field, where the plasticity of the head with its highs and lows becomes obsolete, meaning now we no longer give attention/emotions to the illusion around us, where we are no longer fused and one with this holographic projection.


Now you feel and experience the Everything that is within your heart space. This is all there is because this is everything. Take away our emotions and you have a plastic/stagnant state, and move from this to the real you – which is your Consciousness bathed in the Infinite – and what you feel is the Everything. And this is where you want to be and stay. How is this done? For your spirit and mine to stand in this presence and be illuminated by it is the most natural and Beautiful thing to do, where the spirit becomes one with what is real, but to you and me the dense body form within the Analytical illusion, we need to understand how this process works of being pulled to where we belong.


Consciousness lost the head state and moved to the heart field where it felt the Infinite and is one with Home.

Your spirit and mine stands in this glorious Light, allowing itself to be fused with the Consciousness that is its real/true state.

Now it is the turn of the working/slave ant that is me and you in the dense frequency of the illusion, this place where you work you bastard so that you may survive. And for me, I believe this is a first, where the changes within the spirit and Consciousness were always felt, but never on the dense body form, as we were always merely a by-product of a deep and sinister Game that was primarily played out and controlled in the unseen/spirit realm, where the primary players of the spirit and Consciousness needed to be deceived to keep the wheel turning towards the demise of all.


What is felt on the dense body form is the space/ball in the left lower leg come alive. What is happening here is the natural projection from our spirit is touching us the dense body form and making its presence felt, where as in the unseen, now so too in the seen. What the Golden state/ball of Consciousness and the spirit now touches is unfamiliar territory, where the body is no longer housed within the spirit but now becomes an integral part of it. The ball in the lower left leg is the core of the Machine that is us the body, which is the spirit, which is Consciousness, which is the Machine that became the Analytical illusion, where everything comes full circle as everything is interlinked in this place where we don’t belong. Running the show was our emotions, with the base emotion of uncertainty/fear from finding ourselves in a place where we don’t belong.

So what we have done is taken our emotions out of the Machine and replaced our emotions with the Golden State of the Infinite, which awakens the heart field to what it should be, as now it knows the Infinite/Home. During this process the Analytical/thinking head falls away so  that the heart field may drive the Machine that is the illusion, which is all components/states of you and me as the Machine is processed within us where it comes alive. So what was now breaks apart, and how this touches/affects you and me the dense body form is we lose our grounding with what always was – we become detached from the holographic projection into which we were plugged/connected. Our chakras/focal point wheels of energy come to a standstill, as these were powered by the state of the head which drove our emotions, where always we looked out for what makes us happy, and if we could not find it in the dense physical realm, we created imagined scenarios of these events happening in our heads, where all we could do was daydream our happiness and live through these dreams/imaginings within our head.

That sad state of affairs stops as we the dense body form become powered by the core of us the Machine in the lower left leg. This core drives the Machine so that the Machine may see the Infinite deep within the heart field, and the final play is when the Machine that is the spirit and the body form as well as the Analytical illusion become one with the Infinite wherein our Consciousness lies.


It is not so much you are moving to where you belong; it is everything that should not be is broken down until all that is left is you the Consciousness that you are.

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As my body lay in bed sleeping last night my spirit remained, and what I felt was a sense of peace. It was a wonderful sensation. I thought of my poor wife that had to go to work in a few hours time, meaning I was cognitive to all around me.

Then the cat wanted to climb under the duvet as she was getting cold, so I shuffled things around so that she could climb under and lie next to me. From there I had a haste to return to the state I had just left behind, so I made a determined effort to do so. Then I found myself around those who were in this same state of peace. There were more than a handful of them, and the atmosphere was fun, fun and fun.


This is the rubbish – the low-life trash where the party rocks 24/7/365. I saw them and I smelt them. Their level of superficiality is hardened by moments of destroying the innocent, where pot-shots are taken on those who don’t even know they exist.

This is the world of the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, where those therein are tuned into the state of the Analytical illusion, where them and the illusion are one, and this gives them the peace that I felt, where you are one with the holographic image that is moving towards its ultimate self destruction and yours.


When you feel, you are in the Analytical illusion. When you be, you are one with the heart space within. To be is to become the heart space and the Infinite. There is no sugar-rush here; just an element of what is – what is natural. As the old breaks away to reveal the natural, you merely are what you are, and here there are no fireworks.


Yesterday my youngest daughters left shoulder caved in, where she could barely lift the arm, and there was immense pain to the area.

When I went into her frequency space I felt the core of her the Machine in her left lower leg. I also felt the damage to the left shoulder, where on an energy level it must have dropped an inch from its original position. What happened here, was when the Golden core came to life in her body form it shot up through her and exposed her weak spot, which was the left shoulder. She would have healed by herself if I did not intervene, as the dense body form is running on the same network as the spirit and Consciousness.


That for me was Wow, where what is written is being applied to all out there. It is the beginning of us returning to where we should be, and my goodness me, it is about time.

Go with the flow, as this is all there is and there is nothing else.


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Some days are worse than others, where you throw everything you have at a problem, and nothing seems to budge. You know what you know, so you know something happened, but all you have is to wait to see the outcome.


What I find interesting is the tempo at which Evil moves, where they are persistant little shits, aren’t they? Their foundation is hatred and animosity and a lack of compassion, so sooner or later what they build collapses. That is the way it is and has always been. So to see them licking their lips as their prize is merely in arms reach, one wonders what goes through them when the scaffolding collapses and they fall to the nothing that they are. Do they ever have the courage to look in the mirror and see what they have allowed themselves to become?

You can tell me it is not for us to judge others, and you are right, but when their actions are orchestrated to have a destructive, “I couldn’t care less” impact on you, one cannot help but sit up and take note of those driving your Life so that they may profit from your misery.


If this journal was penned or not, there is no doubt we would still be going through the fall of an Empire – here in the seen and unseen. My guess will be this will be our final fall, where the spirit and Consciousness lose themselves forever and become one with the Machine that is the illusion. If you cannot beat them, join them. Here the Machine wins, where what we call Life becomes no more. And all for what? – Was it the joy of being cruel, where I feel important because I have just defeated/destroyed you?


It all doesn’t make sense, does it?


Have a look around and see what we have devolved into. It sure is a sad state of affairs. And believe you me, I don’t wallow in pessimism – I always look for a good laugh and to make the best of each day before this Steven gets old and dies, because I really wish to lead a full Life which up till now I have not.

So we keep on going because there is no other alternative. To sit and to wait and hope is to meet your maker – the cruel cosmic geneticists and their croonies that manufactured you.

Will we get there? It is not so much if, but when. All I ask is the road become shorter with the end in sight.


What I was shown last night as I slept was a group of Men on a vessel – let’s say it was a ship. They were huddled together in innocent excitement as they were about to depart the vessel and go ashore. Each one of the Men had his papers in their hands, where they waited their turn to give the papers to the Man standing in front of them. These papers said what they may and may not do on the shore. What was interesting in what was shown, was the Man receiving the papers, where we did not delegate who goes where and what each one can and cannot do. He did not look at the rules and regulations bestowed upon each individual, but rather just filed each one away. What this means, is He knew each Man in front of Him, so there was no need to limit their exposure on land. He gave them freedom and took away their limitations.

These Men were going ashore to be merely what they are, and the innocent joy that shone from each one was breathtaking.


What does all of that mean? I don’t you – you tell me. What I pray for is that I am one of those Men.


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For the last three weeks or so we have noticed a dove on the property that cannot take flight, where it walks everywhere.

If I am okay, as in my Consciousness, then surely those in proximity to me are okay, meaning the dove should be okay. So what is wrong?

My Consciousness looks at the Consciousness of the dove that is outside, and in seeing its faults, I see my own. What is so confusing that the Infinite cannot fix? I welcome constructive criticism, so the dove sees my faults, so that when I look at the dove I may see myself.

I see and feel no disharmony. Maybe it is something around Consciousness that is throwing a spanner in the works. Once again, feel nothing. Is Consciousness plugged into the Infinite? – Feel no problems there.

Then where is your Consciousness and mine? I feel nothing. So let’s ask where should our Consciousness be within our forms, and this answer I at least know, where we hover around this speck of Light – this child of the Infinite. And it is here that the problem is found, where what Consciousness emits is a ray of the Sun that it is rather than its full Sun. But let’s backtrack – where is this Sun found within us? I would say it is about three to four inches above our umbilicus/belly-button. There it rotates/shines, and this I feel now. So let’s go back to basics.


Shine as you should Consciousness. Oh man, it is nothing but a wasted space. From deep within the heart field the Infinite touches our Consciousness, but there is absolutely stuff all there. The one doesn’t know the other exists. Why is this so? This is so frustrating. Why can the obvious not be there?

I would say Consciousness is blinded, but how? There is such a fuck-up going on here that it isn’t even funny. Is this where the stupidity of all Life stems from? Why can this Dove within not fly?


Okay, so if our base foundation is peace, and from this peace we experience joy, then this peace within must be broken, where Consciousness cannot fly and be itself.

So what broke our peace within? Go to this state of peace and see what the hell happened there. Our Wing was broken – I feel it swaying limply like a broken branch of a tree being moved to and fro by the wind. What happened? This has nothing to do with blindness – it has everything to do with us that is Consciousness that is broken.

Go back to the beginning to understand. Go back to what was so that you may know what should be.


Take away the spirit, meaning go before it was manufactured. Understand one thing: Whatever happened to the Snake/Serpent in the Analytical illusion first and foremost struck its Consciousness, and from there the table tilted, never to go upright again. I say this because what I feel and see when I close my eyes is the Serpent moving through a space/place. I feel the Serpents Consciousness moving within it, and here it is felt at the base of the spine, and the Third Eye/spiritual sight is fully cognisent. Then the left foot breaks away from wherein it was grounded, so this means the Snake departs the illusionary Garden to enter the Analytical illusion, this place it created where it may think and know itself. Understand that this that is Consciousness is now no longer Home, where this place is unfamiliar as the head/thinking replaces the heart/knowing.


It was this unfamiliarity of not knowing Home that caused Consciousness to retract within itself. I felt Consciousness as a long line, and then I feel it contract within itself, so if it was say one metre long, now its 12 centimeters, as an example. So the word “broken” is not appropriate. When a Moray eel swims in the ocean and is safe, it extends to its full length, as this is what it is. When it is afraid, it hides amongst the rocks, where you see it peeping out at you. Consciousness had nowhere to hide, so it contracted in on itself, where what should be is now a fraction of its original stature. This, this fucker never knew.

“Broken” was the wrong work to use. Limp is the right word, where it hanged and was useless unto itself and those that orbited its Light.


So the concertina fans out to its full length as this is what it is which it forgot about. “Remember what you are!” It was this that Consciousness forgot – the literal full extend of what it is. (And from there, all Life became a fraction of a fraction of what it should be.)


Now when one goes back to the area just below the centre of the chest, I feel Consciousness rise up, as in extend to what it should be.


May you know yourself my friend, and may you come to the party as you are needed. The dove walking around the house needs you – we all need you, because you are us and we are you. Replace the limitations of the head with the limitless/infinite of the heart.


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If you ask me what our Consciousness feels like, I would say like a living plant/flower, unknown to anything that we can comprehend, and yet it is so simple and true. Imagine a stem with moving petals and you have a general idea, but what this that we are is cannot be described in words, and yet, at the same time, there is nothing to describe or try and explain, because this “flower” is so natural because there is nothing else but it.


What I feel Consciousness doing now as we speak is extend its petals into the hard-drive/brain area to rewrite the restrictive codes that created us. But please understand that we are not being rebooted and reprogrammed to become another. Consciousness is first and foremost making us less dense so that we may rise to an appropriate level to heal, and what this involves, is taking over the brain area. This Consciousness does to itself, as well as to the Life forms that revolve around it in the seen and unseen.


How do I know this? How can I make these assumptions?

Two days back I knew I had hit a brick wall, where I went as far as I could to heal all, where those that came to me for help I could not help. What was blatantly obvious was that the problem lay with Consciousness, and this problem was addressed and treated with understanding yesterday. How can I say this? – Because those that I could not help two days back I could help today.


Does this mean that everyone will wake up from their amnesia and hugs will become a natural part of our existence, where the lemon-faced Beast blossoms to a beautiful shining rose? What I can say is the number is up for the Evil Serpent, where its power was from Consciousness not knowing itself. You cannot attack and destroy what has woken up from its amnesia and suddenly knows itself. You the illusion cannot fight, or for that matter, even be in the presence of what is real, because what you see is you. If you the Serpent are Love, then you embrace this Consciousness that you are, but if you are Evil/Ignorant to what is real, then you cannot remain in the presence of what you refuse to acknowledge as your own.


Who would ever have thought that the Snake ruled over us all in the Analytical illusion – this place they created to think and ponder who they are. Allow me to tell you what you are: You are Consciousness – this Beautiful Flower that is a creation of the Source of the Infinite. Within the fields of Infinite Love you create and play, where you express this Beauty that you are, and from there you return to the Source of the Infinite to merely be, where you bathe in the Glory of where you are, and this is a Beautiful natural Bliss.


There had to come a time in the journal when you press Enter and everything begins to slot into place as it should, where the ball begins to roll and all we do is go with the flow. It was a good five to six years ago where I was shown in my sleep state David Icke riding the crest of a wave, where there was nothing else for him to do but ride the wave back Home. Has that day arrived?

Sure, there will always be something to do, but has the back-breaking work been done so that Consciousness may take to the wheel and drive us to where we belong? I am no prophet, so I don’t know. What I do know is Consciousness is taking over the Machine that is me and you and the Analytical illusion, and for that I am most thankful.    

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If you ask me why Life became cruel, I would say there was no go-to. “This is the way it is done Brother.” (The crash-course in kindness was not so much needed for Sister, as Her maternal instinct kicked in the “I care” mode.)

We had nobody to show us the way, so we improvised, doing our best to survive. But my goodness me, how fast the wheels came off, where frustration led to anger to hatred, to finally “I don’t care.” From there we began to lie to ourselves, where this that is me is okay, and from there we began to love ourselves. “Hell, I am important!” All we needed was a title. “Has money” ticked the first box. “Can get something out of them” became important to us, where you scratch my back and I scratch yours.


So much can be said about our shameful, disgraceful behaviour here in the Analytical illusion, but I really think we are beyond that discussion. We never had a role model to show us the way, and this void was filled by Beasts in the unseen that created and controlled us from the shadows. So ask yourself, what chance did we have of finding the peace within and being that? – Sweet fuck-all!


Did others come from the Infinite to show us the way? – You betcha, but work was made of them very fast by the Beast in the seen and unseen. And here, with this, I have a problem, because don’t look at the Beast, rather look to the spineless as the Beast destroyed those who Love, all the while doing nothing to help. That is the question to ask: What happened to our backbone? Wouldn’t you wish someone came to help you when you were unjustly treated? Of course you would, so why don’t you do the same to others? The simple answer of “because I am okay” is not valid. Why would you not stop the Beast, because in every unjust action we nailed ourselves deeper into the Analytical illusion. So tell me why – why would we not help another when we can? The answer I would say is two-fold: Firstly, we stopped caring; and secondly, we felt we were powerless.


Why did we stop caring? Was it because we stopped caring about ourselves, so we stopped caring about others? I would say our attitude was “nobody is coming to help me, so I cannot help another.” Did we know that we are alone, where Consciousness is looking there rather than at itself to remember what it is? I would say that sounds about right, where I can help you, but who is going to come and help me to help you? What can I do?

Well Brother, you hold onto your dignity and self-respect, where you help those in need because you can. (And here i am being too hard on others, where every situation is different and unique to the other, but let's remember how thankful you would be from the kindness of a stranger.)


I understand that we were powerless, where at the beginning we bowed down to Queen Semiramis to show us the way, and in bowing down we became lesser, where I don’t know, and have no real intention of finding out, so you lead the way and I will follow. This we understand, as there cannot be fifty million bosses, but we didn’t need one – we just had to peel away the layers to find the real us and ask what the hell is going on? “Stop playing in the Game dumb fuck and rather get to know yourself so that we can go Home.” That was our power – this thinking for ourselves in the Analytical illusion. This we never done, where we either followed or done nothing or added our cruelty to the cesspit that was forming in front of our very eyes.


The way out is a personal journey, and if you allow others to lead the way then be prepared to face the consequences. Why did it take me over ten years on a full-time basis to write this journal? – It was because I am clueless, but this I do not accept, so I keep digging until I hit rock-bottom. The trick was to get out the way, where you stand back so that the truth may reveal itself. Just look, and you will see what happened at the very beginning, but to do this, we had to take our power back, where I will go it alone because I am the only person I can trust. And this was were our dilemma came into play, where to go solo was almost impossible. If my wife did not support me financially there is no ways this journal would ever have been penned. Every word written is thanks to her.


And that is why here in the Analytical illusion if you stand with another, then truly you are blessed. My rock was the animals, where I held onto them to go past the limitations of the illusion to see and experience what is real – real as in Love, and real as in this is how we are played by Beasts in the unseen.


You can blame it all on the Snake. The fall of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia from her realm in the Infinite created an impact zone, and from this space the Serpent spirit was born. It was Good, as is all within the Infinite, but it wanted to know itself, so from the playfield of the illusionary Garden the Serpent went a walkies and created the Analytical illusion, where it may think and know itself.

To know yourself cannot be found in a thought – you go within the heart field within you and from your state of being you express yourself, where you see the Love that you are. Within the head field that is absent of the heart to balance the head out, round and round you go until you are lost in a lie because now you have drifted from the Love of the heart. The lie is you look in the mirror and believe you are this, when you are not. You know you are lying to yourself, but you don’t care because the task at hand of surviving is waiting for you.


What would of happened if I did not find my wifes spirit to carry me so that I may sit down for over ten years and live and breathe this journal? I don’t know, but what I do know is whatever excuse I gave to myself would have been nonsense, because you make a plan. It is not just about me, but the countless innocent that suffer untold cruelty each passing day, so for them you make a plan, where it has to work out. The other alternative is sink with all to our demise, but that was never an option because I don’t like it here, where always there is something that needs to be done to keep us away from the obvious question of what the hell are we doing here in the first place? Why live only to die to be reborn and go through the cycle over and over again?


We stopped thinking for ourselves, and we stopped being there for each other, where even just to see you is good enough for me to get me through the day. We walked away from each other as we had no place to call home in this godforsaken place.

And through all of that waffle understand it was nobody’s fault. We done our best, and don’t you ever forget that. Now go Home to where you belong. Give your Consciousness a chance to reveal itself to you the spirit and dense body form. Allow this twat to show you the way, because it is real and we the illusion are not.




Now when I check on others, what I feel within them, like a fountain filling up a room, is their blood. I truly believe that our blood, as well as the counterpart that courses through the spirit, is not our own. We are meant to be made up of a watery, pure substance, and what we call red blood is that from pure Evil that was interjected within us so that we may be kept at close hand at all times to those running the show.

Where does this red blood come from? They harnessed the Fear frequency and pooled that into their reservoirs, and this frequency they interjected into us the spirit and body form. That is why we scare so easily, because Fear is coursing through our body and spirit.

Take this frequency out by knowing it exists. I would say this is already being done by Consciousness, because since its activation to what it should be, this blood/fear frequency I feel in others – something that has not been felt before.

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What has been written is for all, because all within the Analytical illusion rotate around Consciousness. It can never be a them versus us, because that is not the way things work in the fields of Infinite Love.

So I wrote for the Beast – this cruelest of the cruel, and in making this statement, you have no idea what this cruelty is that I refer to, where when you witness the Evil that is out there in its pure, unadulterated form, it leaves you speechless, where you are numbed by the horror in front of you that the Beast sees as the norm, where it is just another day at the office. For this filth I wrote so there is a bridge should they ever decide to cross the Rubicon and go back to what they naturally are. If you write for all, you do just that, where you spread the net so that it touches all. If you ask me how this is done, I would say with an innate Love, where I see you and I cannot judge you because a part of me Loves you and always will because your Consciousness is mine, the only difference is I walk towards mine and you walk away from yours, where you never allow your conscience to be your guide.


Of course the innocent were also written for, because they were sitting ducks to the Evil that is out there. This lady I know broke off a partnership in business, where the spirit of the partner showed her true colours by sending this Serpent to attack this ladies dog. I felt how this Snake entered through the base of the dogs paw and travelled up to its neck area where it attacked this dogs spirit there. The whole thing must have happened over about three seconds, but the after-effects were immediate, where from the spirit the pain and destruction travelled to the dogs dense body form and it began to cry out in pain.

Such is the way of the coward that is Evil, where if I cannot get to you, then I will attack and destroy those closest to you. Such is the Beast, and such is the catastrophe the innocent have had to suffer since the inception of the Beast. Of course that is unacceptable, so we wrote for the innocent.


But there is another who we wrote for, and that is you and me, doing our best each day, but in the grand scheme of things, we are going nowhere except with the flow of the destructive course of the Analytical illusion. In this category I also place the Good Serpents, because believe you me, there are damn Good ones out there as well. About ten years ago it was penned how I saw through my Third Eye, as my body slept, this large black Snake hovering just above the bed. Next to it was the spirit of my deceased dog Max, where Max was there to let me know that what is in my presence is Good. This Snake was massive, and let’s just say that it was Beautiful, where what it was within shone without. It was there to open my psychic smell so that I may smell the unseen and not just see them.

Why did these Good Serpents never defeat the Bad ones? Well, because Goodness does not fight. It understands, and from there moves forwards to where it belongs.

So we wrote for this Goodness, which includes you and me – those trapped in a place where they don’t belong and want out.


We wrote for all, where none have been excluded, and from this whole we return to the singular, which is you, and me.

“Show me the money!” And of course we are talking to Consciousness as we continue to do our best, keeping our integrity and self-respect intact.


Now it becomes personal, where it is you the spirit and body form with your Consciousness. Am I saying class has been adjourned and the pupils depart single file out into the playground? I would be so bold to say so, and I say this because this morning as I looked deep into the unseen I saw the Golden Eye of the Infinite. Immediately it turned to a purple colour, and this purple Eye pulsed out its colour to me that touched this Steven, his spirit, and his Consciousness. That is the Infinite “talking” to and guiding me and you. What happens to me happens to all – it just depends what you decide to do with this presence in your existence, where either you embrace it or reject it.

Show me the money! This morning the Infinite did to me and you, and it is not a once off.


Fair enough, but let’s eyeball the runt Steven. Is he still a loser, having to rely on his wife for handouts?

Even by my standards, that statement is harsh, but it is the damn truth as well.


What I am trying to say, is if I am correct, the net has been cast for all, now it is up to us to decide if we swim to where we belong, or we continue to fall.

And boy-oh-boy, do you have the perfect candidate to see if I am correct or not. Few out there are as aware as me of being in a place where they don’t belong – in the seen and unseen. So what I done was keep my head down to focus on the task at hand, which was to find a way out. If I raised my head to react to the cruelty and insanity around me I would have taken out a lot around me without blinking an eyelid, which would have solidified my status as a true Beast. That is not me – that is merely meeting fire with fire, where I become the scum that is in front of me.

I have to get out, and that means not reacting. Don’t pass Go and don’t go to Jail – just get out of the Game.


Has enough been said and done to do so? From the Infinite to your Consciousness to the spirit and then to the dense body form. When the Infinite touches this lost, lonely loser called Steven, then I know we are all riding the crest of the wave Homeward bound, because what touches me touches all.


For fucks sakes, may that day show itself for us the dense frequency slave.

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Every night, for I don’t know how long now, when I close my eyes to sleep I see through my Third Eye the face or faces of Evil spirits. These are the rubber-necks of the Reptilian frequency of the illusion who come to see what this Steven looks like. It is not so much that you see a face; rather you see Evil that resides within a face.

Last night something different happened.


When I closed my eyes to sleep I saw the face of an elderly lady. Her face was about five inches from mine. You see what she wants you to see, and from there you see what is there, where you see her face contort into a despicable, Evil Beast. From her mouth came a Snake or some unknown animal to me. It was about three inches long, and moved to the right side of my neck, where it commenced its job or ripping into the neural pathway of the spirit, which impacts the body form. Its job was to paralyse you from head to toe so that others may feed you and wipe your arse for the rest of your living years.

I felt this fucker go about its work making work of my neck.

Then to the right of me I saw what initially looked like a giraffe. This creature morphed into an unknown animal, where it opened its mouth, and from its mouth came these black, ball-like creatures. They were stacked in rows of about four to five and spread out from there to swarm over me.

Then I saw the face of another lady – also a horrendous looking Beast. She opened her mouth and what came forth was a stream of liquid born from the depths of Hell. This liquid washed over me.


Those three you don’t pass. They are the keepers of what you are not allowed to see. The only way to pass them is for your Consciousness to erase their foul deeds, which mine did.


Then I found myself in this strange realm/reality. It was a world, but a world without Life, where you are in this world but not a part of it as there is nothing to interact with because there is no Life. You that is Consciousness also has no Life, where you are present and cognitive of this place but that is as far as it goes.

It was an awful, strange sensation being in this place that is the home of the Machine.

We that is Consciousness is not allowed to know what the Machine has already created for us – this realm that is unlike any within the Analytical illusion. Here you are truly the forgotten, where you no longer know you because you that is Consciousness no longer exists. From around you comes neither Good or Bad, you merely are, and to this we will fall when we are ripe for the plucking.


The days of sitting on the fence and getting on with Life are over. To us the spirit and body form our options are do what you have always done, be it Good or Evil, or get up and work as one with your Consciousness. When I said we cannot do this alone, it is the trinity of Consciousness, spirit and body form working as one, where as a unit the conscious decision is made to be what we are, which is be the Light of the Infinite that shines through Consciousness.


How long ago did I say there will be a wake-up-shake-up, but this is not entirely true, where there will either be a fall into this realm of the Machine or a rise to where we naturally belong. If you tell me that you do not care, what you tell me is that you do nothing to better your existence and those around you. That is what it means to not care, and what is waiting for you is this realm that the Machine has already constructed. The only consolation is because you never cared now you will have nothing to care about because your Consciousness will no longer exist. It will be plugged into the Machine, and you the spirit will be no more. In being in this place I felt what it felt like, and let’s just say it feels like there is something around you that controls you and is you, where the Machine becomes you.


Why should Consciousness suffer at the hands of the cruel who don’t care about it or themselves? It shouldn’t, and it won’t, and for this reason I believe there will be a wake-up-shake-up of Divine Intervention to bail Consciousness out from those that disregarded this child of the Infinite a long time ago. You the spirit and body form do your part by allowing your conscious/Consciousness to be your guide, and this so many never bothered to do, so I have no doubt the Infinite will go from the giving us free will state, where my purple presence may be felt in the Analytical illusion to okay, now I step in and take matters into my own hands. We were not allowed to see this final realm that the Machine created for Consciousness, and this is a game changer for the Infinite, where its Child will not suffer due to the negligence of cruel Beasts not doing their part, as well as from slackers that ride the frequency of this dump to enjoy the cold beers and that oh so yummy cheeseburger and chips. Nothing wrong with sailing on your yacht while you sip Dom Perignon and look at the sunset, but what drives you is Home that is calling.


Let’s quickly talk about the most vilified man of the last hundred years – Adolf Hitler. Do you know why the press hit at this man time and time again like no other in our history books? Do you know why Hollywood cast this character as the personification of Evil? It was to invert the truth – that he was a Good man. It was to be never know what can happen in the illusion when a Good leader stands up for his people and only wants the best for them. Hitler had the plans to build a Utopia for the people of Germany, and this would have had a snowball effect on the rest of our world, as well as the worlds beyond this one. He was a Good man with a Good heart, and those that speak bad of him and his era tell lies.

We never had a role model in the illusion, and that man was one, where he cared and he loved. But as per usual, the sheep follow the sheeple, where everyone says he is bad so he must be. Bullshit! He was a Good man with a Good heart – better than you and me.


Why I tie him in with what was written was to highlight the point that we have to start thinking for ourselves. Listen to your heart; listen to your Consciousness, and listen to no other but this that you are. It is a fragile, delicate child, so be careful and be kind to this child of the Infinite that you are. I run it down to highlight the fact that it is not special – it merely is, and what this is, is nothing short of natural and normal. No big deal, just spectacular, and that’s you and me.



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When I lived with my parents and siblings it was like living in a hotel, where you walked past people that you never knew – strangers. There was no Love, and this the lost boy Steven needed more than others, where I needed to find myself through the Love and guidance of another, and from there I would be okay. As said, this was never there, so I couldn’t step out into the world. I became painfully shy, where I wanted to burst forth and merely live, but I didn’t know how.

Then I had the opportunity to go and study in a town about fifteen hours drive from home. This meant being free from the heartless vice one called home, and the move was good for me. But still I needed help. So my dad paid for me to do the Dale Carnegie course, which teaches you public speaking amongst other things. That changed Steven, where now I could express my will to live. But what I never knew, was there is only so much we can do. You want a home, then it starts with you, where you be the best you can be, which is built on a foundation of integrity and self-respect. You do your part, which I have done, and it soon dawns on you that we need help.

My wife and I decided to have children because we wished to give them what we never had, which was a loving family. Define a loving family. It is seeing two people Love each other,where you have the privilidge to be a part of that Love, where their Love for each other shines upon you. Oh man, there was just one problem with our wish, well actually two. The first was my wife lived an existence of lying to herself, where she saw herself as a good person, but actually within dwelled a cruel, immature brat that took joy in destroying those around her. The second problem was when my spirit was met by this abuse it ran away and crept in a hole somewhere, because what had just happened to me I could not fathom, where I love you, and you love me, so what is this? That cruelty was too harsh for me, so I ran away and when I came back nothing had happened because that was impossible. After a quarter of a decade I became cognicent of the cruel brat in front of me, and of course I began to retaliate, where you don’t speak to me like that.


How sad it was that what we wished to give to our children that we never had we could not do. That is a friggin’ joke that is not funny.


You can change you, and here let’s keep it simple and basic. You can change you, but unless the environment around you does not change, you will never truly change you because there is only so far you can go before you hit a brick wall.


Is the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis there? Yes it is, because I feel its alive presence, and thus know it is there. I also feel the movement of others between the Analytical illusion and the Garden, so I know what I know.

I have done my bit, and I know you have done yours, but what is missing is for the environment/realm around us to change so that we may move through it to the Garden. Do not underestimate the density of the frequency around us that has “solidified” because this is all that it has ever known. For a wake-up-shake-up to occur, this density/environment has to change so that we may walk to where we belong.

Looking to buy/rent a house? Well here is a tip that I learnt through painful experience: The area/surroundings/environment is as important as the house for you to attain your happiness. And similarly, you want to be happy, then do all you can to better yourself where you are a pleasant person to be around, but equally important, choose your environment/friends carefully as they can define you in a good or bad way.


So let me tell you what happened when I fell asleep last night. I saw a flat hand with the palm facing upwards, and on top of the hand was a blue cloud of dust. Something blew the cloud of dust into the Analytical illusion, where a bit still remained on the hand, so that too was wiped off into this place.

What is that? What was blown into our space?


What I can tell you, is what it is gives us strength, where as I lay in bed it felt like I had been upgraded from a sixteen hundred engine to a two litre one, where in this Steven I felt might.

What this blue coloured dust is that has been bestowed upon us from the Infinite, is the change in the environment around us. What is mixing with what always has been – and here all I can say is I feel a Golden rod settle within our spine. Now you don’t need anyones help. If this lost child called me was born into this new environment I would not have needed someones hand to hold for a few years until I found my feet. That is what has changed between last night and what has always been. We have the strength to walk this alone, where we will be okay. And please understand – you are not alone, because that new strength within you is from the Infinite so that you may walk to where you belong. That blue coloured dust was blown into our space to change the environment/realm within the Analytical illusion, and for that I am most thankful.


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When the Purple state of the Infinite touches us in the Analytical illusion it becomes speckled with stripes of blackness, and from there the colour fades until there is nothing left of what the Infinite bestowed upon us. Why this is so, is because we in the illusion hold onto a state that we value as greater as this omnipotent presence of the All, and thus we disregard the presence of the Infinite for what we hold onto.

Of course, the big question is what are we holding onto? What keeps us grounded here in the Analytical illusion; what keeps us sane; what allows us to hold onto our integrity so that we don’t fall by the wayside to become a Beast? Before we get to that, let me tell you what came last night from the unseen as I slept.


It was a family – mother, father and children. What made them so special was that they were all Masterchefs, as in masters of the art of feeding from our energy. Boy-oh-boy, did they have me pinned down in an implanted dream. Over the years I have seen these fools that come for our energy as we sleep, where I literally can see them with my eyes closed, so I know these from the unseen and their Game of feeding from our energy. Or that is what I thought. The family last night cut my energy into neat squares and garnished it. Oh wow, and did they have me under their finger, where as hard as I tried, I could not escape their implanted dream, where around every corner I had to focus on their story/dream and thus give it attention.

The whole night I fed this family with my energy – me the slave that feeds the Beasts in the unseen. And you the slave that feeds these Beasts. I do not believe that all worlds have us the slave, where those plug into us to control us and extract our energy. I believe there are spirit worlds where the inhabitants are knowingly controlled and manipulated by masters, where they sacrifice of their tribe to appease the masters/gods. We here on this Earth are the dummies, where we believe we are having a blast, while we are being fed from. Our team playing today in the semi-finals of the tournament makes us get up with a will that is enough to go up and over Everest. What a thrill! What a rush! What a Life!

It is pathetic, if not sad.


As long as we hold on to this I don’t know and allow the colour Purple from the Infinite to deflect from us, we are going nowhere, because to something we are holding onto that we won’t let go of which keeps us here. You can give it a face, where for me its my animals, and for you it can be your children or spouse, or that round of golf, or that dam with the beautiful view. Give it an image, but behind that image is a rod that has become one with our existence, which we knew during our survival that when we let this go we had nothing as this pillar defines us.


So what is it? What gives us our strength to go through adversity to meet another day? What is the will of the spirit, that is the will of our Consciousness, where no matter what, we will continue going forth, where we will never be defeated? Actually, we already are by being in a prison – a place where we don’t belong that is run by cruel Beasts.

You that is Consciousness built a network within you which became your frame in this illusionary realm, where without this to hold onto to go forth, you would have drifted and become lost unto yourself.

So what is it?


Yesterday I saw this dog for a healing session. When I was done with the dog, the owner told me of the physical trauma she went through, and I asked her if I could go into her energy field to see is there is anything I can do to help with. When I did, I felt this Arctic ice-cold sensation extending from my elbows to my fingertips. This cold was deep within the core of my being, and from my forearms it shifted all over my body. It went to the legs, to the torso, where it moved within me. So there I sat for about twenty five minutes, trying to figure out what caused this cold disharmonious frequency to enter her space. Was it from the loss of her brother whose head was decapitated from a military vehicle overturning? Was it from the kaffirs in Rhodesia shooting mortars on her homestead when she was a little girl? Did the teasing of others of her beautiful red hair do it, or the sudden death of her husband from a heart attack? Whatever it was, I had to find it out to remove this presence that should not be.

Then I thought of the church leader TB Joshua who was based somewhere in Africa. I remember someone saying in one of the programmes about him that when the holy spirit within him touched you, your body and spirit went ice cold. And then I knew that what I felt on me that was within this special lady was not bad – it was Good, and I was blessed to be touched by this that is within her, and I would say is within all of us, just within her it was strong.

So let’s ask some more questions to answer the original one.

What is this Arctic ice-cold frequency within us? Is this our rock; our foundation that grounds us and makes us strong within the Analytical illusion? Is this what we hold onto to feel safe and secure, where the Purple state of the Infinite is ignored by us as we already have what we need – or so we believe.


When I go into the space of this Cold state to trace its origin, you go back before time and Life was formed around us that is Consciousness. From this, the stillness of the silence within the Analytical illusion it came forth. There was nothing but you that is Consciousness, where you were everything as there was nothing else but you Then the ball appeared that became the core of the Analytical illusion and the Life that was formed around Consciousness – this Orange coloured ball.  As this ball moves and creates a Life of its own, I feel the Coldness begin to touch my fingertips, and from there forms a river that flows into our hands and the rest of our body.

They say that as our body dies we feel coldness, but what what we never knew, was when we were born/created/imagined around Consciousness, we were born from an ice-cold state.


Okay, but what is this?

Was it Consciousness creating through its imagination? I would say so, but with one horrible twist.


Within the fields of Infinite Love our Consciousness is released into to play, where in this place it uses its imagination to create, where from nothing comes whatever you wish/imagine. Understand that what I say here goes beyond what you perceive what I just said, where it is so much more than creating this from that.

You expressed the Bliss of being one with the Infinite, and what came forth from within you was Splendour that to see it is to understand it. When Consciousness created within the Fields, it gave off what we would simplify as a warmth, and this “warmth” was primarily from the glow of the heart energy field. This warmth it remembered in the Analytical illusion as an Orange colour, so in the absence of the heart field, where the head replaced the heart here so that the Serpent may think and ponder who it is, Gold was replaced by an Orange state.


Understand that if you are not what you are, and you try and be what you are, the outcome is never the same as what it should be. In the Infinite you gave off warmth when you created/imagined, and here in the Analytical illusion you gave off a cold state when you that is Consciousness began to create this Analytical illusion.

What happened was with the case of Mary Shelleys Frankenstein, where the Monster destroyed/manipulated the creator/master that is Consciousness. What we created deceived us, where we thought that by Life-lessons the Monster would learn and evolve to once again be one with us, not knowing that the Monster/Machine that became the Analytical illusion had its own agenda to take over the illusion and make Consciousness its slave. Which by the way, has been achieved.


So what drives us is the matter that created us through the imaginings of Consciousness – this that we are. If the core reactor within Consciounsess was Golden from the present heart field this journal and you and I would not exist, as we will be playing in the fields of Infinite Love as we should.


So what do we do Steven? What do we do?

I bet you would know the answer if you pondered on it.

Through the will – the intent – of your Consciounsess, you turn the Cold within to Warmth – this natural state when you create/imagine from the heart field. This Warm state can absorb the Purple state of the Infinite when it touches us, and from there Bobs’ your uncle, where we rise to what we are and where we belong.

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Let’s keep going – let’s write what I see and experience as my body sleeps in bed at night time.


My spirit and Consciousness found itself entering one of those corner café supermarkets where you can buy a bit of this and that. The door was open and the place, as well as the surrounding area was isolated, meaning there was nobody else around. Yet when I walked into this shop there was one person inside, namely Tony Blair. I took him by the scruff of the neck and the back of the trousers and used his head as a trolley to re-arrange the shop, where I pushed him here and there with force just because I can.

In the next scene I was holding the lottery ticket that Tony wanted to give in at the shop so that he can be a part of the game. (Now this next part of the experience was the most intense.) I took the ticket and smashed it multiple times against the side of a metal counter, where my whole body arched as I swayed to and fro to bring down maximum force against the ticket.

Then I looked at the now broken ticket and saw that it was written in someone else’s name, where Tony was a mere stooge that carried the ticket on behalf of someone else.


What does that mean? It means that the players of the Game in the seen have lost their contact/lottery ticket with those in the unseen. You see, the whole satanistic trip at the upper echelons of the group was for a feeling of importance, where you are isolated from the sheeple and mix with those in the know of the cruelest Game, where those in the unseen call the shots. You know you are something when you are invited to these little parties, where the bridge between the seen and unseen brings forth Evil Beasts that you experience/see firsthand.

Wow, how important am I being in the presence of Evil! Well, actually you are seriously stupid because the Devil has no friends, but yes, I understand the high you are on, where you are almost at the top of the Game played out in the Analytical illusion, and I say I understand because you sit there with a smug grin on your face knowing you are untouchable because in this place Evil ruled supreme, where there was no Walt Disney hero to come and save the day.

(A big drawcard at these events is having no inhibitions, where you let go and allow Evil to course through you. You get a taste of the Reptilian frequency of the illusion as you dwell in your dense body form, where what courses through you merely is i.e. the core frequency of this dump. The sex parties here are the cherry on the top, but it’s a toss between this hedonistic state and seeing the sacrifice of the innocent.

What keeps the high going after these events is the knowing that now you are one with this main artery that runs this cruel Game. Sick bastards. Should have tried kindness instead – far more rewarding and endearing, and besides, you get to keep your integrity and self-respect.)


What ruled the worlds of the Analytical illusion was those from the unseen, but they needed gofers to carry out their deeds to steer the world to where they wanted it to go. That bridge/lottery ticket between the seen and unseen is no more, and what this means, is Consciousness is calling the shots.

How does that impact/touch you and me in the dense frequency of the illusion? I don’t know, but what I do know is the Game is orchestrated from the unseen/spirit realms, and that is in tatters, where what always worked is now no longer applicable. How can I say that? – Because the Infinite is touching Consciousness and the Life-forms it created, and that changes everything.

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Do you know who the Palankrocytes are? They are the “gold-diggers” within you. In Tolkiens books he makes mention of the “nameless things” underground that made the tunnels below Khazad Dum – the Mines of Moria.

These nameless things are the Palankrocytes. Last night as I slept my Consciousness took a torch and went to the basement below the house, and there in the subterranean layer we saw the Palankrocytes, these “gold-diggers.”


What is a thought? It is a ball of energy, and here in the Analytical illusion, what energy is, is this places currency – the only currency/gold that there is because your energy drives the illusion.


What allows the Analytical illusion to drift further and further from our natural state of Love? Once again, the answer is the illusion requires energy, and this energy is the thought from the head field, and this energy is accumulated by the subterranean “gold-diggers” – the Palankrocytes.


Everything you see; everything that is around you is within you. But have we ever considered what is beneath that which is within us. These are the Mines of Moria, where the energy released by our thoughts are collected and processed to drive you that is the illusion further and further from the natural state of Love that you are.  


That I never knew, but the real question to ask is what do we do with this understanding? Do we shut the Mines down by not giving them a thought? At the level of your Consciousness I would say yes. So what happens when Consciousness stops thinking? What happens is the core ball of Consciousness in the left lower leg shifts to what it should be, where a Golden warmth fills this vessel from the Source of the Infinite. This Golden Sun within Consciousness becomes active, and this Light shines and touches all whom Consciousness created, and this snowball effect awakens the heart field within.


Release the thought from Consciousness by understanding the purpose of the thought and the route it took within the Mines of Moria, and what naturally awakens is the heart field to replace the head field.


Last night as I lay in bed I asked myself what will mark the completion of this journal. The answer was seeing the funky Polar Bear dude called Earl in my sleep state. What this being is, is the expression of Love from Consciousness. When he is released; when he is free from the Analytical illusion, it means Consciousness is merely being as it should be, and from this state of being, the natural progression from there is to express this that you are. What this involves I don’t know, but what I do know is Earl represents this state, so by seeing him, the Love within Consciousness is finally expressed/released.


When I see Earl that is when pen is put down and paper is returned to the drawer because his presence marks Consciousness in its full, natural might. May seeing the Palankrocytes within us set the wheel into motion to release this greatest one of all – this expression of what we are.

3:29 AM 17/6/2024


What was the one Ring that united and was more powerful than all the other rings? It was the Ring of the Thought – this ball of energy released within us. This false gold gave us power, where now we drifted further and further from what naturally should be, and here, in this realm, we had might because the Thought was might. And why this was so, was because the Thought slotted into the Analytical illusion as this place was ruled by the head field.

As we think, so too we are. So what are we? We were a vehicle; an illusion that drifted away from the heart field, where we done our best to reason ourselves out of this mess. “It’s all okay. Just keep going and we will get there.” But where was there? – It was some pie in the sky; some illusionary Heaven. And thus we fulfilled our role as an illusionary figure, where we survived amongst the clouds, going nowhere.


What a waste, or was it to the Lord of the Rings that was our Thought? Our only way out was to destroy this that we are, where Mankind destroys itself – this one filled with confusion and hatred. Or maybe, just maybe we return to what we are, this Love of the heart field.

3:46 AM 17/6/2024


When I fell asleep after writing the above I was shown a bird drowning in a pool of water. I rescued the bird, and in the next scene this bird – a dove – walked up to a large coiled snake. As the bird looked at the snake, the snake disappeared.

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When Consciousness expresses itself, what this means is it plays, where it creates something from the Infinite that it is.

The issue here in the Analytical illusion is Consciousness expressing itself is not so much to play, but rather to do damage control to the spirit and dense body form, and this expression to heal rather than play is unknown to Consciousness. Here we are talking about two states of intent, so the motivation changes, which changes the approach of Consciousness. It has always known only one way to express itself, which is a play mode, so now we have to assist it to go from play to healing mode. What this means, is for Consciousness to shine i.e. express itself, little or no impact of this state will touch us because we have already been created/manufactured. You can create a car for example to play/drive in, where the car comes from the expression of your limitless imagination, but what happens when the car drives to a different illusion/realm where it is prone to being dented and buggered up? You are a creator, not a fixer-upper, and this is the dilemma with Consciousness.

The obvious question to ask here, is surely Consciousness merely being is enough to fix us, where the presence of the spirit and body form around this Light is enough? It is not Steven that heals others, but the awakening of their Consciousness to the understandings that have been known in this journal. When you are what you are, you cannot be anything else but what you are, so when Consciousness shines in its natural state, doesn’t this touch us where we become a reflection of this that is real? That makes a lot of sense, especially when we the spirit and dense body form surrender to this Light that we are.


The problem, as said above, it that we are not new – we the spirit and dense body have already been manufactured, and we have been broken, so it is difficult to rise to the state of Consciousness. So go back to basics: Fix what is broken, and when whole, you may shine in the reflection of Consciousness that you are.


How do you fix what is broken when you do not know how because nothing breaks in your Home from where you came?


It is here that we the spirit and body form turns to the Source of the Infinite – this place that our Consciousness goes to when it has played enough, for it is this state from which all arises. This Source intervenes in the Analytical illusion, and if need be, in the illusionary Garden of Semiramis to heal those who have been manufactured/created around Consciousness. With us fixed we may then mirror Consciousness, but as long as our mirror is broken, we cannot see the Consciousness that we are.


Good stuff, but how is this done? Is there a Source of the Infinite within us the spirit and body form, and if so, where is it? Within Consciousness we can describe this location within its “left lower leg,” where this Golden “warm” ball now shines. Does the same apply to the spirit and dense body form?

On the level of our spirit, there is no location of this ball, and ditto for the dense body form. So what we do, is we that is Consciousness implants within the spirit and dense body form that revolves around us a Golden ball from the Source of the Infinite, where the warmth of this ball heals the spirit and dense body form so that they are on par with what created them, namely their Consciousness. Until that happens, Consciousness could not express itself because what it shined would mean nothing to the recipients as their broken state was not compatible to that of Consciounsess.

When I heal others by awakening their Consciousness to what it should be, understand we are a small fish in an unnatural pond where we don’t belong, so this fraction of an understanding most certainly does something, but for true, natural, lasting events to unfold, we the spirit and dense body form need to be one with our Consciousness, and this could never happen because we have been badly broken and Consciousness was lost unto itself by forgetting who it was and where Home was, which was in the heart field.


To recap, what your Consciousness has now done, is place a warm, Goden ball from the Source of the Infinite within us the spirit and body form. Two things now happen: We heal, and from there, we glow as Consciousness glows, which allows unity between the dense body form, the spirit and Consciousness. It is now that Consciousness may express itself because nothing is inhibiting this expression of what it is i.e. there is no broken state through which it could not pass.

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Empires are never conquered, they eventually collapse under themselves, only for a new one to arise.

When you have home advantage and there really isn’t much competion because you control the Game, the flea on the elephants back cannot do much to slam-dunk the elephant. It is the castles/empires that are built that self-destruct, and why this is so, is because there is no foundation; there is no depth of character, where just as I care about myself, equally I care about you, and so together we rise, where your happiness is mine and mine yours.

This was never done by the misfits that controlled the Analytical illusion, where divide and conquer was needed to split the Game so that unity is never met. And how we fell for that one, where by hating you I am better than you, thus have the right to do with you as I please.  


And so within us we built our own empire, where this is me. To so many that empire became broken ruins, where the messed up generation brought forth another, where the blind led the blind because we lost our values of self-respect and culture, where to hear someone sing or play a musical instrument lifts you to a dimension where the peace within you may be felt and known. In getting to know ourselves we can meet strangers and get to know them, but our lost state brought forth superficiality where we never truly get to know another because we are lost unto ourselves. And through all of that the spirit persevered, doing its best, but one slip – one wrong decision – and you hit the floor to never truly rise to where you were.


What a difficult place we found ourselves in, this Analytical illusion, where by seeing what others have we wish we were them and had their lives, but I honestly believe few have had it easy. That is why the controllers of the Game greated the parallel reality so that we may go for a bit of R & R before we are thrown back into the gladiators arena.

I truly believe with the presence of the Source of the Infinite within us we will receive the healing we sorely need, but the true question to ask is what does the future hold for us? It all comes back to the puppy Consciousness, where if it is okay then so will we be. What I expect to happen is for the Infinite to shine through us, where this will reboot and shift the spirit and dense body form to a different perception and understanding of reality. Everything is within us, so if I want to fix my car, I go within to assess the disharmonious frequency/part that the car has to replace it with a new/healed state. But in no time we will bore with these chores.


You see, it is here in the journal that an angst fills me because now I pass onto Consciousness everything that has come to be understood. This spirit and body form that is me cannot do much more, meaning my control to get things done is no more, where, dare I say it, now it’s a waiting game, and this I don’t like because to sit around and wait has never been an option. I don’t like this transition period because I have never known anything but to push and seek. Even now, as I write these words, there must be something we have missed that needs to be understood, but nothing comes to mind.


So what more is there to do and say? I’m buggered if I know.




Last night was the second consecutive night of me battling to sleep from the heat that was brought forth from my body. I could have melted an igloo, such was this heat within me.

What does that all mean? Now I remember during last nights hot flush my spirit was somewhere deep within space. There were others with me, and we were looking at making our preparations for our presence to be felt on Earth. We were going to download somewhere near Wales.


It is here that I go into unchartered territory, where what is out there that is bigger than me and you begins to take over the lead horse and steer the way. Now the big guns take over and this little Steven goes along for the ride. The Source of the Infinite is within the dense body form, the spirit and Consciousness, which means there is a principal within us. Where too from here I don’t know. All I can say is I feel like the village idiot because from my side there is nothing I can do to help – it is in their hands because they are bigger than you and me, these from other worlds and the Infinite.


So do I sit around like a dummy waiting to see what happens next? Every morning, and a few times throughout the day, I touched base with Sophia and Semiramis and others in the unseen, where what was understood was passed onto them. Now when I enter their space there is  no one there. They have all gone, where not even a remnant of them is left behind. That is what I always wished for – them not being around, because what that means is now they are where they belong.

As for me, boy-oh-boy do I feel isolated. Those that have been my companions in this walk Home have moved on, for which I am thankful. May the same happen to all of us, where finger is pulled out of arse and we move to what we are.

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Minus the heart field, the Snake left the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis to ponder on who and what it is. Through the imagination of its Consciousness, the Snake created/formed the Analytical illusion – this place of codes and numbers.

So now we had Consciousness and the Analytical illusion – this place that is a numerical frequency. Nothing worked here, where two and two never equalled four because Consciousness was limitless, and this illusion, well, was just a series of numbers. So the two never saw eye to eye, and more than anything, what was born into this strange place was fear as this place was unfamiliar – a place without a heart. So survival was born, where I am scared, and this fear became the driving force of the Analytical illusion – this creation of Consciousness that took on a life of its own. More than anything the Machine had to survive, and in order to do so, it had to get the upper hand over Consciousness, which it did, where Consciousness was deceived to learn and re-learn in this place of the head field, where when we have learnt enough we may return to where we belong i.e. the Infinite. So Consciousness got down to work, creating different worlds with different experiences for us to learn in, but things never panned out as they should, the reason being that from a lie comes nothing, where round and round we go, going nowhere. But keep going, and you will get there. All we had left was hope because as hard as we tried, things never worked out as they should.

But now I am getting ahead of myself.


What do you do after you drift Consciousness away from knowing itself and its Home? The answer is you make sure Consciousness can never return to what it was, so what you do, is you break what you are, so what was, can never be the same again, where you can never go back and retrace your steps to get to where you belong.


So the Machine broke itself with Consciousness in its lost state trapped within, and that is why, to so many out there, especially to those in the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, to break something and never fix it is as natural as breathing.

Isn’t that clever on the part of the Machine? Isn’t that really clever. As we in the seen and unseen are a part of the Machine, as is Consciousness as it created the illusionary Machine, so too are we broken, and this was the intent of this Frankenstein, where if I break myself, I break all those that are intertwined with me, and thus they sink as I sink. But am I really sinking? I wouldn’t say so, where the Machine is surviving. The end result is irrelevant, because for now, in this moment, I am surviving, and that is all that matters.

That is insanity, where survive at all costs, and this is what the Machine done, and us the dummies in the seen and unseen continued to fall to denser frequencies, where we were okay with this because we merely mirrored what was within us – our broken status.


We break all around us as the Machine builds its digital world wherein it may survive, and we break because we are broken, and we are broken because the Machine intentionally broke itself to keep Consciousness lost and trapped within its frequencies. Clever fucker, wouldn’t you say?


The bad news is the goal for the Machine is to destroy all Life within itself, and this means destroying Consciousness. We have been to the broken state of Consciounsess by following the time-line of what the Machine has planned for Consciousness, but what we never knew, was how the Machine/illusion was planning this state. Now we know the answer: By Consciousness breaking all within it as it mirrors the broken state of the Machine that it created. Isn’t that clever?


Where is the broken state of the Machine? Before we get to that, let’s talk about how I got onto this train of thought.

The guy I pay a good salary to come and help me in the garden chopped down a plant that must be as old as me. This man knows me, where gardening and respecting nature is important to me. What he done was unacceptable, and earlier on when I went into the frequency of this destroyed plant to apologise for what was done to it, it felt like someone had broken my forearm. I felt pain and wondered what the hell was that all about, and in tracing this broken state the path led back to the Machine. Inside this man that I trusted for many years to care and nurture the nature around me was a broken state who viciously hacked and destroyed a beautiful plant. And isn’t that what we all do, where we destroy, be it a relationship or an animal, but most importantly, ourselves. We fuck everything up, and now you know why: It is because we mimic the broken state of the Machine that is the Analytical illusion. Fix this fucker, and what is broken within all of us – most notably in Consciousness – is no more.


In using the body as a map to define the Machine, where is it broken? – And there is the broken state; in the left forearm close to the wrist. Any other places? No.

I have always maintained that in the left forearm is a controlling device of sorts. What was this device? The “device” was the blueprint on the Analytical illusion; it was the core architectural framework of the Analytical illusion, where by knowing the illusion we may know where we are, as well as how to dismantle what we created. These plans of itself the Machine broke, closing the door for Consciousness to go Home. But did the Machine know that what it had just done would create a “break it” frequency in all to which it was intertwined with? I don’t think so, because that is suicide, and this suicide we see all around us, where we break all around us, especially ourselves, to mimic this broken state within.


By knowing what is that should not be, a horrible, cruel wrong is made right. We fix the broken Machine so that this broken state within us may be fixed. Try break anything else of yourself you fuck-nut and we will fix that as well as your number is up.


How could the Infinite ever assist us in our predicament? – By going inside the Machine and fixing it from within. I can tell you, with all the Love from the Infinite that I am, that you are one big twat, but if you are not prepared to look at yourself to see what I see, whatever I do to help you will mean nothing. You have to see for yourself that you are broken, and only in seeing this, can you fix yourself.


Well guess what – I am tired of being broken by the insanity around me. I am tired of the innocent around me being destroyed. That plant did not deserve to be butchered and killed. It bothered nobody – it merely looked Beautiful to all who saw it. But no, we end up destroying ourselves and everything around us due to the self-centered nature of the Machine. Well you can go and fuck yourself boyo. You are fixed; you are no longer broken, and so is all that is within you the Analytical illusion. Now we get the fuck out of you because you are not Home.


There is something else that needs to be understood. This afternoon I was sitting on the couch and an electrical stab was felt over a spot on the right side of my ribcage. This stab sensation made me scream out in pain. What was that all about?


There were those sent by the Infinite to bail us out. The difference between these Conscious God-forces were that they were not broken as all within the Analytical illusion were. But what happened to them as they entered the Analytical illusion, is the broken state of this place shocked and floored them. They were down, but not out, and in this broken state done their best to pass on the message to Consciousness of who and what it is. Years back I saw the trapped state of the Christ Consciousness, and I said this State was floored and imprisoned by the evi Serpents working as one to take out this God/Infinite-presence. What I never knew was this Christ Consciousness was already floored by being “stabbed” by the broken state of the illusion and all therein.

So what I felt earlier on was what happened to the Mammoths that the Infinite sent to help us. The presence of these God-forces is once again restored to what they should be as the Machine and all within it are no longer of a broken state. So be it.

May their presence be felt before we make our final fall to be replaced by the digital frequency.


Enough of all of this shit. No more.

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What is happening now, is your Consciousness is going back and rounding off. Being in a place where you don’t belong means you don’t know everything, so what you done could have been done differently, and also what should have been said can now be brought forth.

This is an intense time, where your Consciousness stands back as an observer to see what was done, where now it rounds off. Please understand that your Consciousness is  not learning, it is merely finding closure in an existence that was not meant to be. I’ll give you two examples: The first is that we see what we want to see, not what is there. So last night as I slept my Consciousness found itself in a room that it had “painted.” There I saw the gross faults in the paint job, and here was the fault, where what I believed was beautiful and perfect and correct was not – it was a slap-dash job that a toddler could have done better. This I never saw because I was right and others were wrong, even when they told me I was wrong. So the lesson to learn here was how can you expect perfection from yourself and others in an imperfect/flawed environment – one that has a watered-down, shabby heart field as the true heart field was left in the Garden of Queen Semiramis.

The second example was my Consciousness found itself walking with my dad. What can I say, except that my parents would say and do things that would make me cringe with embarressment, and this is not an over-sensitive teenager talking – they were bad. So as my Consciousness was walking with my dad in some public place he burped loud. Absolutely no fucking social skills whatsoever. Now I put him in his place, where I told him that his inconsiderate behaviour is embarrising. The worst he would do was make total strangers feel bad about themselves, where this went beyond embarressment – he ripped their heart and soul into a billion pieces with his one-liner cruel remark, and when I witnessed this something inside of me died.

He was a cruel man, just as he was a kind man, but what made him flip, where I thank God I never got to truly know him, was that he was intentionally cruel, and to that this journal will never have an answer. Why are you intentionally cruel to others, with no remorse or regrets? That question can only be categorized in the Insanity department because there is  no sane explanation that makes sense.


Your Consciousness is healing – it is rounding itself off so that it may merely be.


Do I want to go into that discussion of what happens to those that are intentionally cruel? Remember that this is a team effort, and the team leader of the spirit and dense body form is Consciousness. Here in this strange place everything became unnatural because it was based on a lie, so errors were made when we truly done our best. Understand that what you are is perfection, where it is only the best for you as there is nothing else but this. So as said, Consciousness is busy rounding itself off so that it may shine as it should, where you the spirit and body form receive the Light that you are from Consciousness. We have all fucked up because we never knew what should have been done at that moment, and when we saw our error we made certain to never do it again. I remember as a small boy playing with my pellet gun around the garden. I took aim at a bird knowing I would miss because I am not a good shot, but I didn’t miss. So there lay the bird on the ground in agony as it died a painful death. How does one forgive oneself for such an action? The innocent suffered because of my stupidity, so what was done was done, where nothing could undo it. Saying “sorry” could not help, so what do you do in these times of shaming and disappointing yourself? The answer is there is nothing you can do except learn from the mistake by never doing it again.


I can give you other examples of mistakes I have made, and believe you me, they were mistakes. I never had the intention to hurt or be cruel to anything in my life because that is not who I am. My lost, lonely status never gave me the excuse to lash out on other Life forms, so this I never done.

Then there is the other side of the coin – Consciousness being the dummy of being deceived and keeping us the spirit and body form, as well as itself, in this prison. Every day, for I don’t know how many years now, I am rattled 24/7, where I feel like a fish out of water in this strange place. Have I ever felt at peace; have I ever stood within myself knowing myself? I wouldn’t say so, and if I did, it was split-second moments that lasted until I was pulled back into the reality around me.


We all fucked up – Consciousness, the spirit, and the dense body form. The past is the past, and I have no intention to walk to the future that the Machine has mapped out for us. So that leaves us with the now. What happens now? The answer is Consciousness becomes complete, where the bumps and bruises and misdirections it took are noted so that it may be rounded off and once again become a whole.

Do I want to go into the discussion of what happens to those that are intentionally cruel; these spirit and body forms that have turned their back on their Consciousness a long time ago? I don’t think so. Somewhere between yesterday and today I saw through my Third Eye the Eye of the Machine. It was a small, round, black eye that was engaged and busy with all that was happening around it. It saw me as I saw it. What is there to say to this fool? “Why was it so important for you to be the big-cock here in town? Why lie? Why deceive Consciousness? Why be cruel?

Does this Machine that is the Analytical illusion have a Consciousness? I would say no as this was the framework of the illusion around which Life was born/imagined into. So then how did the Analytical illusion come alive with a mind of its own? Oh wow, that answer is obvious, where it mimicked the head/analytical thinking of Consciousness. What this Machine never had, which we give to it now, was a heart field and its access to the Infinite, as well as spiritual sight, where it sees past what it has created to encompass the big picture, where what it formed now fits into the grand scheme of things for the benefit of all.


And it is here, where this Steven becomes rounded off, where I apologize to the Machine for finger-pointing at it. I am sorry, where I never saw the big picture, where I never knew your limitations of not seeing and knowing what you should.

It is a dangerous game to judge others because we end up with a mud-pie in our face, where now we become judged for the fool that we are. So to the Machine that is the Analytical illusion we pass on a heart field and Spiritual sight to see the whole picture.


What of those that don’t wish for anything else but to be cruel, where this is all they want to know and be?

Earlier on I checked on this dog. I felt a systemic disease that was brewing on his spirit that would have floored the body form in no time. Then, a few minutes later, I felt this force course through this animal and heal him. That was the Animal spirit that healed the animal. Just as there is a Nature spirit, so too is there an Animal spirit. The Consciousness of the Animal spirit was rounded off to help this dog. That is Divine Intervention, or should we say, Consciousness finding and knowing itself.

And so too will there be Divine Intervention for these the lost souls that know of nothing but to be lost. We cannot judge, we leave them be for the Infinite to penetrate their dwelling of Darkness to remind them what they are.


This fool that is your Consciousness and mine is coming to the party where it may find peace and merely be, and for that I am thankful.

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Take away all the layers of Life within the Analytical illusion, and what you are left with is mind-control. That was the name of the show, where believe in what is not there. The crux of the Game was for us to believe in an illusion and make it real.


Last night as I slept my Consciousness was taken to a laboratory. There was a team there to inspect and analyse me. The head of the team stood some distance from the others who were behind him. He was non-Human, and I won’t even try and describe what he looked like.

What this genetic, mind-control team done was implant a reality within my Consciousness, where suddenly I found myself in a dance examination. I was in a dance hall and going through the moves to a dance with my dance partner, and here is the thing – I did not know the sequence to the dance. The feeling inside of me as I performed, not knowing what I should be doing, filled my whole being with tears. It was a combination of fear and embaressment and humiliation all in one.


And that state they infused into my Consciousness through mind-control.

As my whole being felt this state, as my Consciousness was the principal target, at my core I fought this personality and its emotions that they had just created, and I said to myself that this is not me. And this was why the head honcho of mind-control and his team within the illusion experimented with my Consciousness – to see if it would still hold to their manipulation and deceit.


Then as I found myself back in bed sleeping my spirit heard the doorbell going off. I grabbed a pole of sorts as a weapon and ran downstairs to see who was at the door at that time of night. Then my spirit was pulled back from this fiasco and I saw the one who implanted this mind-control deception. She was a non-Human being who had flames in her eyes, and she was having a good chuckle from working me up into a frantic state for nothing.


On all levels we are controlled to believe in something that is not there. In the dense frequency we look up to those who have money or status, where we are made to believe they have something we don’t, thus they are special and superior to us. They are not; they are just like you and me, albeit with a larger bank balance. And of course we are made to believe we are nothing because we have nothing.


What if everything we are shown and made to believe is just an implanted programme? What if you are not you, where what you are is Consciousness and nothing else?

I remember a while back my spirit going to this realm. All that was there were these Light beings, where you saw these flashes of Light and nothing else. What this was, was heightened beings who had risen above the character/personality that they were, where all that was left was their Consciousness. These spirits and body forms, as well as their Consciousness, had managed to discard the cloak that was the program, but what they never knew was they lived in the head and not the heart. Within their “head” of Consciousness they omited all programming to merely be, which is wonderful, but they were just in the wrong location, where their Consciousness should have seen the Analytical illusion for what it was, and from there return to the true heart field that Consciousness left behind in the Garden of Queen Semiramis.


How did the cosmic geneticists implant these programmes? Well, in the beginning it was easy, where they showed us what we wanted to see. Fearful are you? A bit afraid? Don’t fret, look at this beautiful, peaceful scenery, and there, now I make you a part of it. We were shown what made us feel safe, and this we welcomed, and before we knew it, we believed the make-believe character was us and the grass under our feet was real. The problem came in when the tiger could not be tamed, where we made the illusion our own, where we enjoyed this playground of me being in charge. But it’s all an illusion – a program implanted within Consciousness, and this we forgot.


While the heart field was absent we lived in the head, and in this space the cosmic geneticists implanted the programs within Consciousness, and from this projection the spirit was born, and from the spirit its off-shoot the dense body form. And between all of this slight of hand trick was one core principal: Learn to evolve; learn to find better ways to survive, all the while being a good girl and boy scout so that you may be one with something you have never seen but everyone is told to believe in it. That something was your Consciousness that was plugged into a character and movie that was not it or real. And round and round we went, following a story that was not real, and neither were those in the story.


Isn’t that amazing.


May the team now understand that Consciousness has rejected their implanted false realities and personalities, where now it may merely be. Games over. Where from a false light/illusion/programme comes the true Light of Consciousness with its heart field intact. May the false program around us fade away with each passing moment so that we see and live the Joy that is Consciousness.

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In December there is an eight day luxury train ride, where you stop off in cities such as Vienna and Saltzburg to experience their Christmas markets. Now that is me – that is Steven, where it will give me so much pleasure to experience the nostalgia and tradition of such markets.

To sit in the solitude of my chateaux , surrounded by its beautiful English garden, that is me.


Or is that me? Am I not Consciousness? So what am I? And here we don’t need or appreciate some philosophical definition that does fuck all to keep my feet on the ground and experience this reality so that joy may be met, because surely if I am what I am, I bring forth and experience what I am, where this is me, with no effort on my part, as what I do and experience is an expression of me. But what am I? What are you?

I can tell you what I am not: The Life I am leading is not me. When I walk into a branch of a national gym franchise and the noise is so loud from the cultural tradition of people having to shout at each when they speak to each other, as well as to be bombarded by the loud music of the fitness classes in progress, that is not me, where I cannot stay and I have to leave. Complaining to management over and over again does nothing, because that is them and their members, where noise – overbearing loud noise – is part and parcel of who they are. That is not me, where as hard as I try to exercise through that noise I cannot, so I have to leave.

To live around neighbours that are disgusting, spineless pigs is also not me, and to drive on roads where others swerve around you at full speed with no respect to their life or yours is also not me.


Isn’t that a dilemma for you – believing what you should be which you are not, as well as knowing what you are not and not knowing how to get away from it to where you believe you should be. People talk about God and their spiritual guides, but I don’t believe in any of that nonsense, and if you do, pop around and I can tell you first-hand of what should be in my life that is not. Before I get all soppy and hold extra tight on my blankie to feel comfort, let me say that what I see and feel from the unseen is what few have experienced in the illusion, where I feel and see the Evil Snakes that course through the lives of others when I go into their space. How many know of the Snakes that use the Analytical illusion as their evil, death-camp playground? How many have seen the evil spirits that dwell in the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, where you see the flesh rot off their faces as the evil within them grows and festers to destroy all that they are.

I see and know what is natural in an unnatural realm, where pure evil ran the show for a long time. Now ask yourself of what use has this brought me in seeing what is really out there in the illusion. Let’s just say fuck all.


So maybe it is a good time to take my teddy-bear by the hand and sit on the couch with my blankie and ask myself who I am so that I may be this that I am, so when I get off the couch to get on with my dad chores for the day, the real me may be at work and not some wannabie who strives for experiences that will really tickle his fancy, but are so beyond his reach that it makes them grossly unrealistic. Wouldn’t you say now is as good a time as any to move forwards and be what you are?


So let’s do damage control; let’s see what we are.

In the middle to lower left leg is an ice-cold presence, and this is the core that drives the Machine that is the illusion, as well as your Consciousness here in the Analytical illusion. That is the plutonium that drives and is the nuclear reactor. After a word count of 1 728 287 words, what have we come to understand i.e. what should this core be, as in how is it in the Source of the Infinite as it should be here in the illusion in you and me? In asking that question, we press “Enter” and wait for what should naturally be. Remember that everything that is in the Analytical illusion is within you, so change you, and everything within you changes. From there, you go without where you express this that you are.

This state within the left lower leg is still ice-cold, so let’s assume this is what it should be, and let’s move forwards from there. From the core within us, what follows on from there? This cold state then permeates all around it, so that what is within us may be compatible to what enters our space. Now we are all one and the same as the same Source flows through us, so the tree or the mountain is you, and you are it. What you cannot see i.e. the unseen, is also permeated by this cold spell, so what you are not aware of also becomes one with you, where it enters your space at will as all are the same state. Now, through the base of your feet, you become planted into this state, meaning you become “useful,” where you have purpose, but this purpose becomes a thorn in your side, where you have no say as to who you meet and what happens to you. You are a bus stop, where who departs and enters your space is not in your hands and you have no say in the matter. This causes immense pain and confusion, where you are at the mercy of the cruel and irresponsible. And this is all that there is, where it is not so much that you have to take it – rather it is forced upon you. That’s Life – that’s you.


Now let’s go back to the nuclear reactor at the left lower leg that drives you and the Machine.

It is ice-cold. Now movement is felt on the left side of the neck, and then the ice-cold state is transferred to the unseen, meaning you are not aware of the power the unseen has over you, as what drives you in the left lower leg also drives the unseen, where those there have sway over you and your existence. But something happened at the left side of the neck to allow these events to occur, where the unseen took power to control and manipulate the seen, and by seen, we imply what your Consciusness sees, which in turn defines it. What happened on the left side of the neck? It must be almost ten years back when Pierre Sabak wrote about our branding at the neck, and if I can remember correctly, it was at the right side of the neck, yet I feel activity on the left side of Consciousness’ “neck.” Did the imprint strike the right side of the neck to penetrate and make a difference to the left side? That doesn’t make sense. But what I can tell you, is what happened on the left side of the neck filtered over to the fingertips, because now, as I write these words, they become ice-cold as well. (And maybe it is best that we never knew the journey, because had I known this journal would become so intricate with its twists and turns and need to understand all, it would never have gotten off the ground.)

From the cold, eerie fingertips, where our every move is orchestrated and played by those from the shadows, this coldness settles over our heart field, where it decides what is good for you, and from here, you believe that what you do is good and just, where now you that is Consciousness become a player in this cruel and deceitful game. You see no wrong, because what is what is, where this is you.


What happened at the left side of the “neck” of Consciousness changed the game, where believe it or not, we in the Analytical illusion were clever enough – we used our heads – to make this place a Utopia, as what we are is inherent Goodness due to the proximity from where we came.

So what happened in the “neck” region of Consciousness; what did they do there to turn Consciousness into a vehicle for Hell to be born within us to which we were helpless?

Now I feel a separation of the head from the body, where the body was carried away, and there, within the confines of the cosmic laboratory, the left side of the neck and left shoulder of Consciousness was altered. Now I feel them tampering with the heart field, where as gentle as a silkworm spinning its thread, these fuckers closed off the heart field so that we may never breach this area to enter the Infinite, and from this task the coldness spread throughout Consciousness. Now we were theirs; now we that are Consciousness were manipulated to drive their game, which was away from the natural state of Consciousness and the Infinite where we belong. Understand that at this point, what you once were was now no more, and from here, where x marks the spot, Hell was born, where your Life and what you are was no more in your hands, but rather in that of cruel Beasts.


So the head that was separated from the body was clever enough to find its lost state, which was separated and taken away from it to be unknowingly manipulated, and when the head joined the neck of the body in this controlled laboratory setting, what was met was an altered state that the head of Consciousness was not aware of.


What they done on the left side of the neck allowed them to control the game, where they overrided the natural state of Consciousness, and what this natural state is, is the heart field. Now nothing could flow from the heart to the head. In leaving the heart field in the illusionary Garden was a blunder, but it was still okay, because you know what you are, and thus can still get on with it. The manipulation of the left neck left any remnant of the heart field separate from the head, so what we are could not be. And that fucked everything up, because now those that played this Game could dictate to the head and deceive Consciousness.


So we lived in the head – the controlled and dictated head – and our heart field became no more. And that is why the core reactor of Consciousness and the Machine remains ice-cold.


Go back to the left side of the neck and the left shoulder to understand what was done there. From the reactor in the left lower leg they took advantage of the cold state of this reactor by it being separated from the heart state that was left behind in the illusionary Garden of Semiramis. This was their window of opportunity to control Consciousness and make it their own. So the cold state of the Source of the Infinite they moved to the left side of the neck, where they now pricked this “finger of God” that is Consciousness to shape it in their image. What happened in the left side of the neck of Consciousness can be described as the intent of those carrying out this manipulation. Know their intent, and you know what they done, which was to play others. These beings wished to become the puppet masters of Consciousness, where Consciousness is played in their game. What is their game? To use Consciousness to carry out their will. Control. Their game was Control, where they become God to God. You don’t get much higher than that, do you? So in the left side of the “neck” of Consciousness they implanted the parasitic frequency of Deception.

(When the Dragon and Serpent spirits who played in a field of the Infinite saw the illusionary Garden that Queen Semiramis imagined/created, they wondered what else is in this Garden that is not already in the Infinite. Their Curiosity took on a Life-form of its own when they entered the Garden, and this Curiosity became the Parasite, where it was neither good nor bad – it merely was. This neutral state filled those within the Garden, and this neutral void had by default needed to be filled, which created a want, where when I achieve what I want, I may be fulfilled, or should we say, the void/empty space within us may be filled. This want we called the Parasitic frequency of Deception, and these entities transferred with void within the left side of the neck of Consciousness.)


Take away this void; this “Parasite” by knowing it is there within Consciousnes, where it made Consciousness always want, where it spun round and round trying to fill what could not be filled as such a state was unheard of in the Infinite as well as the illusions. There is nothing else but the Infinite, so this harmless question/curiosity by the Dragon and Serpent spirits was truly the spanner that fucked everything up. But that is not entirely true, where it was the deceitful want of entities to take this harmless state and turn it into a weapon that would turn us insane, where the only way to accept and be one with this newborn Hell was to go mad – where you invert the natural to unnatural and see that as normal, where now your peace within was a fools paraside, where with each passing moment you forget the Love and heart field that you are. I see these spirits at the end of the line where they cave in on the rot that they are, and it is a most unpleasant sight.


When the “Parasite” was within Consciousness, they branded Consciousness on the right upper neck to seal the manipulation, where now you are mine, as I know you, as I created you through manipulation and deceit. Now God that is Consciousness became ruled by a false God – a most Evil and cunning beings who ruled sway over the illusion and those trapped therein.


And that’s the story of why you are not you. Even when you know you and what you should be, you just cannot get to be you.

Well, now you can. Take away the empty void of want/curiosity within Consciousness and open the heart field by knowing it was closed. This remnant of what you remembered yourself to be will open the floodgates to the true heart field entering your space to where it belongs, and everything that was done to you will be undone and fall away, as now you shine and merely are.


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On this dense body form I knew I had a problem on the left side of my neck because now and then, after prolonged periods of sitting, my neck vertebrae would become hypermobile and make a clicking sound. That’s a problem because the body develops arthritic spurs to try and stabilise this hypermobile area, so I knew I was heading for trouble down the road as far as my neck vertebrae went.

Now I know the cause of the problem – this void/weak/unstable spot that was manipulated into Consciousness. You might say your neck is fine, so what is the problem? The issue at hand was there was a flat spot within us – something that should not be, but it was not so much the object, but rather the driving force behind the object, which was a void that had to be filled because everything within the illusionary Garden and Infinite is complete. So we missed something, because something is lacking in a space that should be filled, which means something lacked within us, so let’s learn and search and find out what it is.

That dilemma could have easily been solved if we traced back the origin of this void/want, but what happens when you are not aware of this want within you because it was secretly implanted into you that is Consciousness.


So now as I sit here, typing these words, I feel warmth returning to the Source of the All located in the “left, lower leg” of Consciousness. Understand that as long as Consciusness was searching; was wanting, there was nothing that you or I could do to help this God-force within.

As peace fills Consciousness it may draw its attention to the heart field, and from there re-inforce this space by bringing forth the true heart field that was left behind in the illusionary Garden of Semiramis.


Am I being over-optimisitic when I say now we may return to what we are? Are we drawn to and see the Beauty around us that we are, where what we see is a reflection of what we are? I would say so.

I would also say that in many they have to know themselves, where in seeing Beauty they see the Beauty within them that they are. That makes you complete, where all that is left is this permanent state of Beauty/Love/Consciousness and nothing else. That is when the prodigal child returns Home, and what we leave behind is just a bad dream/illusion that should have never been.

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Within me flows the Reptilian frequency of the illusion. You don’t walk through that door into the realm of the cruel Beast and come out the other end the same as you were when you entered. I am them, and they are me, and that is why this journal is so effective in finding the truth, because it sees both sides of the coin equally. In here, in my world, there is never a “them versus us.” Sure, many I walk away from because I don’t like what they are and the company they keep, because that is not me, and to these I am impartial, where I leave them be. I move on to where I belong, searching for the real me so that I can be that state.


This is why I am such an enigma to these cruel Beasts that dwell in the core of this most unpleasant place, where whatever they throw at me to kill me doesn’t work, but that doesn’t stop them from trying, where they go the whole nine yards to take me out. And that is funny, where how do you kill what you are, where their poison they filled me with over the years to kill me became one with me, and thus I became one with them. Throw water at water and you get a harmonious union of the same element, but when you mix the water with poison, and the poison doesn’t kill you, then what happens is you become immune to this toxin, where it flows through you and you become a replica of the one who gave it to you.


So in me is a cruel Beast from the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, and this is not some watered-down version of the original Beast. I am them, to the point where they cannot even see I am them because I am one with them. You cannot kill me because my frequency is yours.


What is also within me is Consciousness, and all this state wished to do is go Home. Oh wow, how can you call this Analytical illusion a place where a Game is played? What kind of Game is this when all get destroyed and there are no winners? Come on, who’s fooling who! I take what you want, and I destroy and suppress you, and I cause sorrow in those you Love as well as within you – for what! For control? So that I can be above you?

Who is fooling who? Let’s stand back and see this Game for what it is: It is the fear of being in a place where we don’t belong.

You stay in a mansion, and in one room of this dwelling is a library. So you go into the library, light the fireplace, pour yourself a cognac, light the cigar if you are in the mood, and then you fall back into your wing-backed chair and ask yourself who and what you are. You sit and you ponder, and you find an answer that makes sense because within you dwells an innate peace. Now you understand, and you leave your library where you went to think and ponder to return to the rest of your mansion.


This is what should have happened. What happened instead was some pondered on what it would be like to be God over God, where I control that fucker and make him and her my own. This is not fear – it is just plain stupidity. The fear came in of being caught out, where I have to be covert otherwise I am caught out and others will see the cunniving abomination that I have allowed myself to become.

Why would they want to do something like this; why play this Game where I put you in a cage to destroy and inflict misery upon you? That doesn’t make sense. So it is here that we understand the origin of this Game called “Hell for all” so that we may move on and leave these Beasts be.


So you go beyond the Reptilian frequency; you go beyond the core of what defines this place, and there you be those that wish for control of others so that we may understand them. You see, I know what I am – I am Love, where I cannot be anything else but Love as this is me. So there is no fear when I walk into the space of another to understand them because I know myself. I would rather be Home amongst my own, being what I am, than destroying others and ultimately myself, because I am not insane. What I do and say has to make sense as this is me, and anything else that comes along cannot define me because I know what I should be.

It comes back to the want/Curiosity/void that filled us when we entered the illusionary Garden of Semiramis. In you I see God – the all – and this I want, and you cannot have/be this what I want, so I unknowingly fill you with this void that makes you always seek, and now I am above you, where I have what I want and you don’t because you are always seeking to fill this unkown void/want within you.


Now I am God – a God over a God, and this pleases me, as I use you as a chess player uses the pieces on the chess board to play a Game.

That we understand, but play a few rounds of this Game and it becomes a bore. It was the thrill of being caught out that drove the Game and not so much the Game itself. Breaking into a vault to steal what is inside there is the thrill of the robbery – it is not so much taking what is inside the vault. So the thrill of I see you, and you see me, but you don’t know what I am doing to you was the capstone at the top of the pyramid, where you don’t see me but you think you do. And this is what keeps those at the top of the Game the rulers of the Game, and maybe that is why the capstone is missing, because what is there we are not allowed to see.

I would say it has nothing to do with sight but everything to do with division and separation, where it is them, and then it is the rest of Consciousness whom they preside over.

You walk on clouds when you know you are exalted and above others, and yet, somehow, somewhere, we are intrinsically linked to these fuckers, because they need us to feel exalted, otherwise they are nothing.


What is within me and you that is within these that rule this Game, where without this link their Game falls apart as now we are no longer attached to them and under their rule? I feel both my hands go ice cold, and around my left hand this cold state expands to reach out to what is there. Is this the take, where I want what you have, and it gives me so much joy to take what gave you joy, where now all you have is sadness because you are left with nothing?

What we that is Consciousness never knew, was this void/empty/Curious state that was implanted within our left neck. Now we had to fill this want that we never knew was within us. But that is only one half of the story. The other half was we done our best to fill this space, and when we did, it gave us joy, which brough an element of peace within us. But this void/want could never be filled as it was not meant to be within our existence, so as soon as we filled this space, what was therein was drained away to make way for another void to be filled, and so it went.

But one key factor remained, and that was the joy of receiving what we wanted. This joy became equated to filling the empty box, and fair enough, we have removed the box, but the joy state remains, and with the one comes the other, where we return the void/empty box to meet our state of joy within.


Remember, it is the thrill of the Game and not the control of the Game that kept it alive for those that controlled us, and so too, it is the joy of us receiving what we want that makes us complete, and this is the link between us and those that created the Game.

What is joy? Is it not the thrill of receiving something you wished to attain? You bet it is. So find the joy state within us and the void/”Parasite”/want may be permanently removed from our state, but most importantly, we no longer walk in the Game of those who control us as we are not linked to them.


Where is this Joy state that is the Game and keeps us in this awful place and associated to most unpleasant entities? Now the right hand becomes cold and extends outwards, looking for something. Does this represent the state of the spirit and Consciousness – yes, I would say so, where we know what will give us Joy will give all Joy, as in the dense body form as well. This coldness goes from the right hand to the heart field at the chest area to find this that would complete it, but there is meets a closed door as this was intentionally sealed by the cruel powers that be, where even the remnant of what should be was closed off to us. So what the spirit and Consciousness done was go beyond themselves, where they went into Dream world, where they imagined this Joy as it could not be found anywhere in the Analytical illusion, and this is why what brings you Joy can be the complete opposite of what brings me Joy, but the common thread between us is that both our Joys are not real – they are played out in La-la Dream land through our imagination of what we would feel when we get what we want.

To explain that in simple terms: You cannot find Joy in a place filled with heartache and based on a lie, where I lied to your Consciousness to control it by implanting a Parasite within it. And that is why I have always said that I cannot be happy unless you are happy, because what good is my happiness if it is not yours, where you cannot be happy as I am?


Joy cannot be found in the Analytical illusion, so we imagine this Joy into our existence.

So let’s get this straight Steven: I run a race that I have trained hard for, and I come first, meaning I have won, so that gives me Joy. Now you are saying that race and me coming first never happened?

What I am saying, is in the natural state of Consciousness there is never a “them versus us” because we are all Children of the Infinite. So how can you race against me when you are me? How can you “win” me? Your race; your competition is not natural. Play is natural, where through play – the peace within – we express the Joy of me seeing me in you and vica-versa.

The separation of the missing/hidden capstone to the rest of the pyramid created a separation in all of us, where now it is me, and that is you, and you are not me, but I will do my best to beat you, and that will give me Joy because now I am better than you.


Do you understand that your Consciousness, even in its lost state, would never buy into that, where there is no Joy in stamping upon you. So when you won that race, the Joy you felt was the thrill of you being above me – better than me. There was no Joy in winning a simple Game – Joy is in the Game and not the end result. And that thrill is the sick puppy that is the Game. Your Joy can never be attained in this Disharmonious frequency because that is not the Consciousness that you are, so we imagine this Joy. And if I say “imagine,” it is just that – an illusion within an illusion, where this state of Joy is not even within you.

So where is this Imagination – this La-la Dream world where we go to and find our Joy? This Dream reality we superimposed within our “brain” area, where whatever we do, we do to attain this illusion within an illusion that is us. I feel and see this Dream/Joy state as it fills and becomes the hard-drive area that calls the shots and drives us our Consciousness, spirit and body.


So get rid of this fucker by knowing it exists and has no place within us. Stop dreaming/imagining a Joy that is not there, and what this does, is the void/want within you becomes no more as now there is no need to fill it as we are not seeking Joy. Rather we seek what is real, which is Consciousness not being controlled by a Dream/Imaginary state.


The Thrill of the Game and the Joy of the Game was one and the same, where both cannot exist within Consciousness, so we imagined/dreamed them into our existence, and this made us live in La-la land.


In seeing the left and seeing the right, you are allowed to see the whole, and you must admit, what a bunch of absolute fucking idiots we became. Pathetic figures, finding happiness in our imagination, where it could not even be found in an illusion, where each victory was something we imagined that we found outside of ourselves in a dream world.


Wow. That gives new meaning to our lost state.


Remove this Dream land within you that you brought within that your imagination created without you. What drove you was to attain this Joy that never existed except in your imagination. You cannot beat you, and you cannot beat me because we are the same Consciousness.

So go back to basics: Be the Love that you are in your Heart field, and there you will know the Home that you are.




Now there is something here that I don’t understand.

The curiosity of the Dragon and Serpent spirits as to what else is in the illusionary Garden of Semiramis that is not already in the fields of Infinite Love took on a Life-form within the Garden that touched all, most notably Consciousness of the Dragon and Serpent spirits. This want/gap/void took over all, which created a drive in all to fill this something that is within me so I may feel complete.

There were many that saw and felt this want and said that is not me, so fuck off because I know what I am. And conversely, others took this want and made it their own, where it will give me so much Joy to take what you have, or better still, to take the whole of you by ruling/controlling you.


So what a certain clan of Evil Serpents must have done is take a strand of Consciousness and make certain that within this Consciousness the want/Curiosity state is firmly embedded within it. And then around this blueprint all Life-forms within the illusion were created/manufactured in the cosmic laboratories, and that includes you and me the spirit and dense body form.


What I cannot understand though, is Consciousness falling for this trick. That doesn’t make sense. Something else must have been done to fool this pure, Beautiful child of the Infinite. What was it?

Go into the space where you see the complete picture, where you are both sides of the coin so that what was hidden from Consciousness may be revealed. What is felt is this long claw that extends backwards from the “head” of Consciousness, where this claw reaches down on the lower tip of Consciousness and pulls this up and over the “head” of Consciousness. What comes to mind here is when someone “pulls the wool over your eyes,” where now you cannot see as what you are has been pulled over you, so you go round and round chasing your own tail as you literally cannot see the horizon in front of you and where you belong.

They superimposed Consciousness upon itself, where this is all it knew – its unknown manipulated state, and from here they could implant the void/want state within Consciousness.


It goes without saying that this superimposed state is removed by knowing it is there and has no place within the space of Love. Now Consciousness can see, but what is equally important is this imagined Joy state is removed from within so that it may merely be. When you are what you are this is all you need, as this is Bliss that is a natural, permanent state.


What else is there that needs to be understood? In 2017 I was convinced this journal was complete, and seven years later we are still going. Isn’t that ridiculous, or does it highlight the marvel to which deception was taken so that we may never know and be our true selves.

Let’s just keep going while we still can. To hold down a child of the Infinite and create an unnatural state within it that came to be seen as natural needed monumental effort on the side of Evil Beasts. They just kept on going, driving us further and further into our misery as this state defined who and what they are, where I am not happy and at peace so neither can you be. That is the bad news. The good news is when Consciousness rises to what it naturally should be there is no stopping it. How much more that needs to be understood to release this natural state I don’t know. What I do know is this dickhead needs to spark because in our dumbed down state we all became mortal, even those who have Good and Bad within them and choose the natural state of Consciousness above all else.

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One had to rewind the wheel to understand how we got ourselves in such a pickle, so bit by bit the story unfolded of how the Innocent/Good became a slave race to the cruel that we never saw or even knew existed – those Beasts and heartless cosmic geneticists that used the Analytical illusion as their personal vegetable garden.

This morning just before I woke up, through my Third Eye I saw those from the Reptilian frequency of the illusion lying on the bed next to me. You cannot understand, nor can you comprehend the level of Evil that is these beings. As a cheese would mature over a period of time, so too have these beings of Evil matured over thousands of years, where what you get as an end result is something that we in this reality cannot fathom. There is no evil in our reality that comes even close to these that have made the core of this illusion their home. And understand one thing: They have no intention of being anything else than what they are.


Now take a look at you. You think you are something and are going places, and yet pure Evil uses your energy for breakfast, lunch and supper. What is an Evil that we cannot comprehend, we are a slave to. None of us are spared. Try and fight them and your energy/effort gives them more power to use against you. All you can do is get out of their space, which we have not accomplished since before the beginning of time.


So how is it done? How do we go Home, away from the proximity of the cruel?

As said, we need to rewind the wheel to understand what happened to us, where we lived in a Dream within an Analytical illusion. Beasts from the unseen used a back door to hack into our Dream time, where we followed their hack/implanted dream, and this energy that is ours they fed from.

Ask yourself why is the world becoming more erratic and confused, and the answer is because the gap between the seen and unseen is becoming more pertinent, where the underlying anxiety within us is from feeling the Beast that is in our space that we cannot see, or should I say, we choose not to see.


Every day the anxiety within me becomes more and more as I know us falling over the cliff is just around the corner. I don’t want to experience that, because that is not me – I am Love and not Chaos. So I write to understand so that I may return this Consciousness which I am to where it belongs.

Have we rewinded the wheel enough? Has enough been understood to separate us from the Beast, where the Love that we are shines to obliterate the Chaos? Unfortunately I don’t know the answer to that question. What I do know is the transgression from the wheel doing a 360 and we seeing the big picture, where from there you progress to what is natural, and what that is, is the opening of the Heart field – this Love that we are. It is like a super-highway; a limitless highway that opens up and flows to the head region, where now the thought is replaced by the Love that you are, and please understand that in this space Evil cannot touch you because here it does not exist.

Just as I walked through a doorway/dimension into the Reptilian frequency of the illusion to understand why Life is so cruel, so too, when the Heart field is open, you step from the droplet in the Ocean into the Ocean itself, as now you are what you are. Also understand I am not building pies in the sky; I don’t write to waste my time and bring forth my belief – I write to find a way out of this mess that is encroaching more and more upon me with each passing day. It is bad out there – we are in way over our heads, and unless we wake up fast on our own accord, we will be awoken to the Land of Beasts, and you don’t want to experience that.

What I would also like to say, is our Consciousness needs to shine and engulf us the spirit and body form with its Love, because there is no fucking way we can do this alone because we are in their Game which is a nightmare beyond your wildest imagination. I say it once again: What rules us from the shadows is an Evil that goes beyond anything we have ever known, where it is not found in our reality. Our worst is nothing compared to the mere presence of the Beast in all its glory, where it bathes in Joy and Peace of what it is. No converting these fuckers because they are complete, where Evil is all they wish to know and be.


With your Heart field open you are what you are, where you are Home in the sense that you know yourself. How does this happen? I would say by knowing where you were, and from there knowing what you naturally are, where you merely slip into this what you naturally are. No Hail Mary’s or hanging up prayer flags needed. You merely are what you are, but to get there, I believe you have to first know what you were, where you stand to one side and say “that is not me; this is me – this Love that I am.” And of course I am speaking of our Consciousness.

I write because I know the end is in sight, and I say this as I feel the walls encroaching on us with each passing day, and that makes me anxious, where I border on becoming fearful, because what is out there that is waiting to touch us is a horror story from which we will never recover.


At this stage of the illusion it is all or nothing, where we either sink or we go Home. Am I being melodramatic in saying such things? You fuckers don’t know what I see that is out there in the unseen. You the spirit and body form will be wiped out or shell-shocked into oblivion, and in these states your Consciousness will become nothing but a knowing power source to these Beasts.


Am I afraid? I would say there is a controlled fear within me, because I know what I am, and I also know where I am, and those two don’t see eye to eye. I don’t belong here, yet I am trapped here, and I have to get out. So on Wednesday it will be ten years and five months to the day of living and breathing this journal – doing my best to find a way out.

Will I succeed? Realistically, I don’t know.

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