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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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One soon understands the thought.


It’s like walking into an empty room. The room is empty, so you fill it with furniture. On the walls you hang pictures to give your take on the room, where you make the place now homely. This is you – this is where you belong.

But the furniture and the pictures are just props, where all they do is hide the fact that the room is still empty.


The room should be alive, where it has no walls, thus no furniture is necessary. When you walk into the room there is no beginning and no end, where you are amongst and within the all.

In this room you cannot put in furniture, because everything there that is, can be, and will forever be is in this room.


Understand we that is Consciousness created the analytical/mathematical illusion. This was a room with four walls, where we came to sit and ponder. What am I? What is my Home the Infinite? The thought; the ponder is what created this illusion, and to be free from this illusion one has to discard the thought.

To stay alive here in this illusion we have to think. Our thinking is the energy that feeds Beasts in the unseen. For all Life to function here in the illusion one key element is necessary, which is the thought.


And yet how sad is that. Go to the description of the first room mentioned above, and what are we? We are our thoughts. And what are our thoughts? They are furniture in a room, where the room is the analytical illusion. To take away the room we have to take away our thoughts, where with our thoughts removed we see that the room is empty, and now we understand that we don’t belong in this room because there is nothing here for us. It is lifeless; it is dead; it is sterile. In this room we have to think to fit into it as there is nothing there. In the second room mentioned above we have to be, because what is there is everything we are, which is Infinite Love. No need to fill that room – just be and express what you are.


At this stage of the journal one understands the futility of the thought because there is truly nothing there but giving attention to an illusion. You look at the walls in the room and you begin to imagine so that life may come to the room. Now what you imagined you begin to chase, as this is you – this is what you brought forth. And remember, it is your furniture/imaginings that you placed in the room, and around this furniture your Life is lived/played out. And round and round we go chasing our tails going nowhere, all the while bumping into other pieces of furniture that was placed there by others in the same room. We learn to live with their furniture, but if anything, they annoy us because my furniture was there first, and thus mine is the most important. Come and sit too close to me on your chair and I don’t like it, because I would never have chosen that design chair with its floral patterns. My thoughts are all that matters because they make me feel at home here between these four walls.


But we have all forgotten one key element of our home, and that is this is not our home. It was meant to be a library, where we sit in our chair looking at the fireplace and ponder. We came here to think, not to stay.

So get up off your chair and go and play in the illusionary Garden, and from there go Home. How you get up off your chair is you embrace your heart space and turf the head space.


What is the heart space? It is an expression of the Infinite. It is knowing you are everything, where there cannot be an “I.” How can you upset me or destroy me when there is no me. Just as there is limitless space around me, so too am I limitless, where you cannot define me and put me into a box. I am beyond the room, where I am everything.

So what is the heart space? – It is the space beyond the thought; beyond the analytical/mathematical mind that could only go so far in the absence of the heart space. Place the heart space in your room and you will understand what you are. That question you came to ponder as you looked into the flames is answered the moment you return the heart space to your existence, where you know that what you are is all that there is. It is as simplistic as that, where you cannot but be what you are as this is all there is.


There is nothing to think about. Just be what you are, where you express the Infinite through the heart space.

When I go into the stillness of the silence to feel/understand the heart space I feel this blackness that you are, where in this place no thought can exist. Here you be, you don’t think, because there is nothing to think about. No need for furniture because you have and are everything.


Is this Steven going to stop thinking? I do not place much emphasis on me as I know how limited and fragile I am, thus I turn to my spirit and Consciousness as they know more than me. To them I look to lead the way, where I follow them Homeward bound.

From my side I will do my part, where I acknowledge the relevance of the thought for what it is, which is nothing. I have enough faith that the spirit and Consciousness know enough to lead the way, so I shut up and follow, meaning I stop thinking to analyse what is between these four walls. With that the walls fall away, where we experience more of the Garden and Home. Our new tenant in the room is our heart space, where everything we have known and come to believe falls away. Sounds deep and complicated, but it’s not. All that happens is we live Life as we should, which is one that is free of disharmony.

What was disharmony? It was the walls of the illusion that were devoid of the heart space, where the mathematical equation could never be solved because Consciousness turfed this all that we are – the heart space, which is an expression of the Infinite. So in reality, we turfed our Home and replaced it will a construct of analytical thought, where if you do this, you get that.


What we never understood was to do this requires first and foremost thought, and that requires energy, so we have to acquire this energy from somewhere to sustain ourselves, so I need to take in order to give. So I take from your energy as an integral part of me being able to give. Now there is a loser in our mathematical equation, where shit happens – that is the way the cookie crumbles. Now our friends the animals no longer walked the skies and forests with us; now they were hunted to be placed on our plates where we ate them. Our blood-lust made us crave for more, where in no time the mathematical formulas that created our illusion no longer mattered. Now we just wanted. Now it became a Game. I really want that. Boy, what a fuck she would be!


One can only laugh at what we have become. But for the loser, it was never funny. Us men became despicable, and here I stand first in line. But know one thing: Those females that became bad were in a league of their own, where they outgunned us men on the cruelty front a billion to one, the reason being is they knew better and turned their backs on the maternal love that they are.


You that is Consciousness has stopped thinking. We the spirit and body form will follow suite so that Life as it should be may reveal itself.

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(What is written below that I share on the Icke forum has not been re-read for spelling and grammatical order, as time constraints don’t allow for that now. Apologies – but you will get the crux of what was said. Just as a heads up, the Monster I met the other night is real, and there are many of them, and how they came about I was correct in saying what I said.

Last night I felt something else within us, which spurred me on to understand what it is. This “Monster” is not like the one I saw and met a few days back in my sleep state. This is something completely different, which I never knew as I began to write this morning.)


As the Game begins to unravel, one sees what has always been there but never knew existed.

What I never knew of was the Monster – those that were created/manufactured by the cosmic geneticists to be say, like you and me, as in Human form, and from there become bad, where they embraced the Reptilian frequency of the illusion to become a Beast. This Beast eventually falls completely away from its Consciousness, where it falls into The Nothingness of the Forgotten, where it drifts in limbo.


What I assume happens to create the Monster, is the Beast does not fall, but rather it begins to regress to the basic component from what it was manufactured, which I would say is the single biological cell. This I don’t know for certain, but will soon find out as we enter the space of the Monster.


Here’s a question for the boys and girls out there: If the Monster does not reside in the core Reptilian frequency of the illusion, nor does it drop into the Nothingness, there where does it open shop to stay?

Any guesses?

I am telling you that these fuckers are real. In one of the Men in Black movies, the opening scene is of this living, black, worm mass that passes into someone’s ear to reside in their body. That is real, and I say this because that Monster I feel in others.

They stay within us – your spirit and mine – that is where they reside. And that for me is unbelievably bloody fucking scary stuff. I write what I see and feel. When Consciousness became still, where the thought stopped, in this silence the unknown came to the fore and the Monster within you and me revealed itself. It is there. I am not special – if it is in me it is in your spirit as well – this only place the Monster could find where it may stay and not be found out and disturbed.


So let’s understand, because when we understand what should not be in our space can no longer be and we are free from it.


When I go into the space of the Monster within us, I would say its main aim is to make us a living incubator for itself, where we don’t focus on what is out there, as this keeps us busy and active. The Monster wants us to chill – be calm; be relaxed; don’t fret with the illusion.

I say this because the first target organ that this entity moves towards within us is our eyes. How did we become blinded to what is out there, where we see a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of our reality and beyond our reality? The answer is the Monster within which systematically blinds us. We are not meant to expand our space and become one with our Consciousness and all that is out there, as this will reveal the Monster within us. Rather we are to remain dense, where we know this and no more, and from there we know less and less as we become blinded by the Monster within so that its home remains intact, which is your spirit and mine.


Now you know how we became blinded to what is out there.


In trepidation I sit here on the couch, not wanting to enter the space of this that is within us, but let’s go – let me enter the Monsters space to understand it. (Hard to believe, but that was once you and me – a being going about its business doing its best to survive.)


Let’s start at the beginning.

From Consciousness we were born, where this was the building block around which all Life was born/created/manufactured. As we discarded our heart space we moved to the head region, where we became thinkers to logic and reason. But nothing made conclusive sense, where two and two never equaled four, because what came out of the equation always was flawed – there was never perfection. Now our heads/minds became off-centre, where we understood that what was once a perfect being was now no more. We, the children of the Infinite were suddenly downgraded to a flawed race, and in this realization of what we had become, something within us changed, and what is was, was a blasé attitude of I couldn’t care. Why bother? It won’t work, so why bother?


This is when we stopped caring about ourselves and all around us. You are fucked anyway, so what I do to you just speeds up the inevitable. (Just as a side note, the Monster hit our eyes, but equally important, it hit our ears so that we may not listen to ourselves, as well as to others.)


This shift in our hearing was primarily our own doing – as in Consciousness and the spirit. We don’t want to listen, because what is there to listen to – we are fucked, so accept that. This trait within me was strong, where its cut off your nose to spite your face, where you are so despondent you don’t want help because you feel all is lost, but most importantly, deep down you know you messed up, and this is your way of telling yourself that you don’t deserve to be helped, which is absolute nonsense.

Consciousness went to ponder, and an answer could not be found because it turfed the heart space to enter the head space to be able to think. You are everything, but this we never understood because we thought in the head rather than being from the heart. It’s like you going to Tokyo to find your happiness there instead of staying right where you are and finding it within your heart space, where you return your heart space to your form and from there merely be.


From this blasé “I don’t care, but let’s get on with it anyway” attitude we that is Consciousness created the analytical illusion. What an awful foundation to build upon – disgusting beyond, because now not only did we not have the heart space, we lacked basic caring/compassion.


Fear soon set in within our existence. That fear/uncertainty formed in what we would call our gut/intestinal area, and to appease this fear we fed it fear. From those that we now took, what we took from them was raw fear to feed the fear within us. Now it was the luck of the draw – kill or be killed. If you survived, you ate what you just killed to appease the fear within you. Over the ages we turned on our friends the animals to eat them, and from there, in our raw, undiluted form, we turned to eating each other, but this soon stopped as there would be none of us left, so we made a detour and created a new existence – the life of the capitalist, where chase your dreams of that perfect bod and a healthy bank account.

But now we are being distracted, where we divert away from what we wish to understand, which is the Monster.


How we searched for the perfection that we were. What we forgot was the abandonment of the heart space from our forms. We never understood that you either live in the head or the heart, you cannot be rational as well as Love at the same time because Love merely is – it doesn’t know how to think.

We wanted the best of both worlds, and maybe it was pride – I don’t know – but we stayed in this analytical illusion that we that is Consciousness created.  You cannot stay in the head and find perfection because the head is not natural as a base foundation – the heart space is.


This bothered us – that whatever was created here had a flaw, where we could never get it right. And the longer we stayed, the worse things became, where a new problem was built upon the old one, where now we began to spiral, where things began to get out of control. Factions were created, where if you can’t get it right, then I will take over from you and do it properly, so fuck off – be gone with you.

Nobody got it right, and all we could do with our frustrations was let it out on each other, and of course this accelerated our demise. Beasts were born, where if you cannot fix it, then become it, where you make the flaw your own. This flaw was the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, and what this frequency was, was the construct of the flaw, where two and two never equals four, because always we cannot attain perfection. This broken/flawed state became the core of the analytical illusion, and in embracing this Reptilian frequency the Beast became one with this home away from Home.

Either way, I am fucked, so I will embrace this flaw, live it, and make the most of it.


There was some fine print that we needed to consider before we done this, which was: Do what you want when you want. In other words, no need to care about others because that we stopped doing a long time ago when we stopped caring about ourselves because we believed we failed ourselves by not knowing who and what we are.

We became Beasts. We lived out our freedom of not caring, which further accelerated our demise.


How did the Monster come to be?

In forgetting the heart space, understand the devastation of Consciousness of not finding its way back to the Infinite. It’s like you going for a submarine rise into the depths of the ocean and never finding your way back to solid land and the blue sky. It is devastating stuff.

Something happened to Consciousness in its angst, where fear set in, but this fear cannot take it over otherwise all is lost. An element of control had to be met within to keep ourselves going, and the only way to keep our sanity was to find something new that was bigger than us. If Home – the Infinite – was now lost, then we had to create/find a new Utopia – something that we could set our sights on that gave us hope, as in something to believe in that is bigger than us that we can move towards.


What that shining star was, was the word. Through the word we that is Consciousness began to express ourselves. If we could not do it through the heart, then the spoken word would define, where from the word we may know ourselves and be ourselves.

What we never knew, was this was our final severance from the heart, where deep down we turfed our longing to find the answer of what two plus two equals, which is perfection. We gave up our hope to be the perfection we once were, so we found a new medium to express ourselves, and this was the word. Language was born.


Now we were lost to our Home, where we accepted this flawed analytical illusion – this place that was an absolute dump compared to what we had.

In this place we built great hallways and corridors to wisdom, but that soon all fell apart because of the flaw we built this place upon. This is what happens when you go from the natural heart foundation to the unnatural head one.


Our shining star –the word – soon became meaningless here in the analytical illusion, where action outplayed thinking. Now we done, and only later did we think about and consider our actions. And this made us fall further into our demise. Understand one thing: Consciousness, as in yours and mine, became truly lost. What was there to do about this? We had to keep control lest we lose ourselves forever.


It is here that we met with the Beast who was getting on with its own business in its own frequency, and before this meeting, the Beast kept to itself, where it did not interact with those who were not one of its own. There was no War per say between those in the seen and unseen, where an element of respect was met, which was more of a keeping amongst our own and ignoring the rest.

In this meeting of different frequencies/minds an agreement was met with the Beast, where you are allowed to enter our space to feed from our fear, and in return you help us find the answer to perfection – which was the heart space. In a nutshell, Consciousness understood that the only way out of our lost state was to join forces and work as one. This meeting with Beasts was a gamble, but there was no other way but to stand as one, where we cared enough to find a way Home, and this caring began with us, where we cared for each other, and together, we may walk Home.


We know what happened there, where Consciousness was deceived, and the slave species were born to feed the Beast, which Consciousness being at the centre of this cruel, enslaved act, where it believed that by learning we would evolve and rise above this mess. Who was fooling who? Were we not fooling ourselves? But we hoped, as this is all we had left now – hope.


Where does the Monster fit into all of this?


Always we that is Consciousness looked for a way Home. It never stopped looking, because  to stop means to die, where we forget ourselves when we forget our Home.

(As I write these words the activity around and within my left calf muscle is intense, where this link that was severed there is found so that we may return Home.)

At this stage of the existence of Consciousness help came from the Infinite. What was built by the cruel ways of the Beast was broken down, where this filth was chased back to the home were it stayed before the agreement with Consciousness.


So what happened there? Why did this absolute mess not come to an abrupt stop so that we may just go Home?

There was a shift back to where we belong, where now we cared about ourselves and our path back Home. Our perfection was no longer an infatuation, as our desire to be Home overruled all else.

Our analytical illusion began to be broken down as we shifted Homeward bound, and this created turmoil in the space where the Beasts dwelled, because they knew they would be stranded forever in this place with its accepted flaw.

So what happened, is the Beast and its home fell, and I can only assume this was a ploy on their part to prey on our inherent Goodness, because when they fell, we fell to be there for them and help them. Now the Angels were in this most despicable place, helping the fallen.


And it is here, during this stage, that things turned really bad, where Angels and Demons met – the former to help the latter, and the latter to intentionally destroy and take over the former.

What a horrific sight, where Innocence is drawn into the cavern of Hell, only to be taken out by Beasts and Demons. Those that were left in the analytical illusion as it was about to depart its space to return Home were succumbed and taken over by these Dark forces, and this is where we presently stand within our existence.


What I feel inside of me and you that I call a Monster is anything but that. What it is, is what is left of those Angels that were destroyed by the Beasts and Monsters. They crawled within our spirits to stay as they could go nowhere else, because all around them is the dwellings of those who destroyed them.

Why make us the spirit blind? – So that we may no longer be drawn to the illusion as a moth is drawn to a flame only to be burnt.

Why make us deaf? – So that we may not listen to the word, but rather find the heart space that we turfed.


So you Love this that is within you that hid from all, as all around these broken Angels is just fear and destruction which destroyed them. Their demise was sudden – ours is slow and energy sapping and painful.


You embrace these broken Angels within – these that this fuck-nut Steven initially thought were Monsters.

I love being wrong, because from there the truth emerges, as a wrong cannot sit with me as that is not me, and thus the truth has to come out.


These Angels within were on their way Home before they were sucker-punched into going into Hell to help those who didn’t want help – they just wanted to destroy the Good and capture the analytical illusion for a food source.

These Angels know the way. Embrace them and Love them, and from there follow them Home.

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Last night as I slept I was shown a cabaret, where people dance and sing. And that is what Life is – a cabaret.

The movie Cabaret with Michael York and Liza Minnelli must have been one of the best movies ever. “Come to the Cabaret old chum, Life is a Cabaret.”


And isn’t that so true – that Life is a cabaret, where we sing and dance and do our best to be happy. Reality however is a very different one to the cabaret, and this we could never understand; why was Life never straightforward and simple?

One of the songs in Cabaret was Money. “Money makes the world go round the world go round…..” And how true is that. A big part of my Life now is looking for a car to buy, as well as a house I can call my own. To achieve that I lack one thing. Any guesses? Funny. Funny. Funny.

Come to the cabaret old chum, just bring money to be able to enter. Money, this god that makes or breaks us. It cannot buy happiness, but it sure makes our survival a lot easier.


What was interesting in my life over the last ten years was my cabaret happened when I slept, where out from the shadows those came to live off of us here in  the dense plane of reality. When we sleep the Beasts and Monsters come alive to prey on us, all the while us thinking “we got this; we got a handle on Life; yes, we can do this.” That cabaret – if you opened your eyes; your Third Eye – was not a pleasant one to behold.


But don’t worry Steven, for Life is a cabaret, where do your best, especially to have fun. How right you are, but there is just one snag, and that is that Life has a flaw, where no matter how much we sing and dance, eventually the cabaret comes to an end and we get back to living.


I cannot overemphasize how lost, insecure and lonely I have been in my Life, where I took these states to the extreme. And through all of that, there was one thing I knew for certain, and that was one day I would be perfect, where perfection would be met and carried out. I just knew that. I also knew that few amongst us truly lived, and this too I wished for more than anything – to live a full life.

What I never knew was of the flaw in the System – the f-up that made the cabaret come to an end, where we had to get on with Life, which involved making money and a few friends here and there. What was this flaw? What it was, was two and two never equals four, where no matter how hard we try, it is never plain sailing. Always, there is something. We see our surpassing these obstacles as our success, never knowing these obstacles are Life, where we are played from the shadows by cruel Beasts. What these Beasts never knew was that true fun and happiness is never at the expense of others.


Last night as I slept I was shown the System, where Life is a cabaret – or so it was meant to be. More than anything, that is what Queen Semiramis wanted of us when she imagined the illusionary Garden into existence. That was meant to be a cabaret.

So what happened – what went wrong? The answer is we that is Consciousness asked a question. I always thought that question was a form of curiosity, as in what is in the Garden that is not already in the Infinite. That question created the Parasite frequency, which we corrupted by focusing on ourselves rather than primarily on the greater good of all, but the true question which fucked everything up was us looking from the illusion into the Infinite asking what are we and what is this Home?

Nothing wrong with that question, except that we turfed our heart space to look for the answer in our head space. We stayed there, and have been living in the head ever since, seeking the explosive highs to try and rise up to from where we came – which was this Stevens perfection that he knew he would attain one day. This seeking was not vanity, but rather just to be, where Life is simple and natural.


What went wrong was we forgot of our heart space. We never knew that there was nothing for us here in the illusion, because the illusion is just that – just an illusion. In the illusionary Garden we went to play, and in the analytical illusion we went to think. Why on earth did we stay? The answer is we made a simple mistake of forgetting our heart space – this expression of Home, as well as who and what we are.

So we had to remember – to trace back the steps so that we may understand what happened to us, and along the way reclaim this that we are.


If you ask me what is the most important lesson I have learnt in Life, it is that one never knows another. You think you know people – well, you don’t. So many of us are good, yet without our heart space we fall so easily to the ways of the wicked and cruel. This I refused to do, because that is not me. I am lost and lonely, but I am not cruel, and in this state I walked to find my perfection – our perfection.

Have I found it? Fuck knows. What I did find was a broken Angel within whom I set free so they may return Home where they belong.

What else did I find? Did I find money? No.

Did I find friendship? No

What I found was unimaginable cruelty that goes beyond words, as one cannot understand why we would do that to another. How dare we! So more than anything, my wish is that I have found Love in Consciousness, because to find that is to find might, where Evil can no longer stay amongst that. That is when the cabaret stops – when the curtain comes down and we go Home.

29th February, 2024

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Your physical body is in your spirit, and your spirit should be in your heart space, as should your Consciousness. The heart space is a place you return to, and when within it, it defines you, as this is you, where you cannot be anything else but this that is you.

Now you are Home, as you are an expression of Home.


What I write is not words of comfort or motivation, but what is real.

When I checked on Sophia and Semiramis earlier on, I felt their presence moving about, and from there they moved into the heart space, where they settled into it. That is Consciousness finding and being what it turfed a long time ago.


As I slept last night I saw myself and others floating down this meandering river, going with the flow of the current. Later I saw me walking with my parents – there was an electrical wire connected to a plug that was pushed into a socket. I told my parents we must go and pull the plug out the socket because the job which we used the electrical wire for is complete. Throughout the night heard the song “Did it my way” by Sinatra.


What does all of that mean? My initial and lasting response is that the journal is over.

Yesterday, for the first time since this journal began I asked those in the spirit realm to help me. Have always needed help, but yesterday sat down and said “this is it” – now I need help. I knew I had hit a brick wall that I could not cross without help, where I had come to the end of the line. I also knew that those I asked for help are in a position to do so because I have helped them a lot. Testament to that is feeling and seeing these beings find and become one with their heart space.


What about ol’ Steven? What has changed in his Life?

What I wrote was not for me – actually it was for nobody. I just needed to know why Life is cruel. We forgot about our heart space – that’s why. So I did not write to transform my Life or yours, I just needed the answer to a question. What happens from finding that answer I cannot say.

What I was shown last night as I slept tells me this journal is over, where the cabaret gives way to our Consciousness merely being. What happens next I don’t know, but whatever it is, it will not be from my doing. That will be from the help I asked for, and that help is for all in the illusion.

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When you have always been in the dark, and now you turn the light on, what happens is you see what you have always done from a new perspective. Now you are cognitive to your actions. The light means you can no longer hide, meaning your “I never knew” excuse no longer holds water, and why this is so is because the Light that is the real you now holds you the spirit and body form to account, where you do now know better.


This is what we are all facing now in the illusion, where we see and know what we have taken for granted from a new perspective, where we can no longer hide what we are. The flow of the illusion has come to a halt, where now, whether we like it or not, we return to what is natural, which is Love.


Ask me how I got the name What the Animals Taught Me for this journal and I will say the name just came to me. The animals are one above us – way above us – and to these masters of Love I looked to find a way out of this mess. But maybe I am biased to the animals, so let’s hear what Stuart Wilde has to say about them:


“We tend to think animals are lower than us, but all the scientists in the world couldn’t design and operate a bumblebee’s wing. We can’t run or jump very fast, and we can’t carry vast weights like an ant can. We can’t see in the dark and we can’t fly except crammed in a noisy tube like sardines, which doesn’t count. Humans compared to animals are almost totally deaf. We are finite and separate and neurotic, while the consciousness of an animal is at peace and eternal. We strive and go crazy to become more important. Animals rest and sleep and enjoy the company of each other. We think we have evolved upwards from animals, but we have lost almost all of their qualities and abilities. The idea that animals don’t have consciousness or that they don’t have a soul is rather crass. It shows a lack of consciousness. They talk, they have families, they feel things, they act individually or together to solve problems, they often care of their young as a tribal unit. They play, they travel, and medicate themselves when they get sick. They cry when others in the herd die, they know about us humans. Of course they have a soul, a very pristine one. We humans are only now attempting with the recent rise in consciousness to achieve the soul that animals have naturally.”


Not all animals are good, just as all Humans are not bad, but by and large the animals are exceptional. What makes them, these illusionary figures, so special? I would say all they know about and want to know about is Love. Them seeing you and being in your company is all they need to be in a state of bliss. Can you imagine if us Humans longed for each other and enjoyed each other’s company with such enthusiasm and joy, where our sole drive is the Love we have for each other.


Just by the way, that is natural. It is natural to see another and that is enough to make your heart sing. It is natural to have a friend and know this is all you need. It is natural that Love is you, where you are an expression of this Love.


In Consciousness being lost we have missed out on a lot, but the animals were always there to give us perspective, where we may understand what should be. For this I am eternally thankful. From the start of this journal, when the attacks by the cosmic assassins were rough, the animals were always in my thoughts, where I filled myself with the Love I have for them to neutralize the blows and possessions. This carried on for years, where without them I would have been a goner a long time ago.

How can you not be picked up by one who is so glad to see you when you get home? Truly, I have had the best friends ever.


This journal is what they taught me, where their Love elevated me so that I may understand. I promise you I know what I am, where there is nothing special about this Steven, but with the Love I have for the animals and their Love for me, we walked the skies to find a way out of this mess. So understand the animals were my guides, and this journal is theirs that I merely wrote.


Words cannot describe the gratitude I have for these beloved souls.

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While I slept last night an alarm went off somewhere in the neighbourhood which woke me up. As I woke up I pulled out of the place my spirit found itself in. As I lay in bed awake, through my Third Eye saw this man lying on his side next to me leaning on his elbow. He was one from another world, where his features were not ours. A large transparent oval space appeared on his face, and through this hole the Snake within came to have a look at Steven.


Understand one thing: What was in my presence was one of a kind.

There was no other like this duo in front of me. This man and the Snake had the presence of vintage wine, where they have been around for a long time and seen and known so much. There is not another like them in the illusion.


So let me backtrack and tell you where they took my spirit before the alarm went somewhere off in the neighbourhood to wake me up.

My spirit found itself in a large room. Rows of chairs were placed in lines as would be in a conference hall. The chairs were all taken up by the people there. This was a gathering/meeting, and someone in charge said we can come and have a shot of J & B whiskey and have some cheese to eat before the proceedings got under way. That brand of whiskey is a good one, and I love cheese, but I refused out of principle to go and help myself, as something deep within me said that I am in a place where I don’t belong.

From there I found myself in the happenings of the group. There were three others we were tracking. The one was a loose girl who enjoyed a bang in a public lavatory. (We found here in a toilet cubicle with some guy.) The other was a gambler would had just won twenty eight million dollars. When we found him we hounded him to answer our questions. The third one I cannot remember.


To witness this meeting and the happenings therein, the man and the Snake had to take me the spirit and Consciousness into a deep trance. They must have timed the alarm going off outside to wake me, otherwise I would not have remembered where they took me.


What this man and the Snake are, are ones that can see the future of a species. When I saw this Snake come forth from the man’s face it looked into my left eye as if it was looking at a slide show therein. What it was looking at was our future.


The meeting my spirit was taken to was one event of our future. The way our species is going is we would become so bored with ourselves and the mundane that we lived in the lives of another. What are they doing? Let’s catch them out. Understand that this goes beyond the infatuation of celebrities, where some bimbo or dumbo is on the big screen and thus we elevate them to god status.

In our future there will be nothing within us, where we have nothing to do or say as our lives become sterile, so we will look to others to see what they are doing to fulfill us. Everything will be plastic and superficial – which it already is – but this will be taken to a whole new level.


So my spirit was shown this our future, then I was woken up so that I may remember what I was shown, and then the Snake looked into my left eye to see if our future will be altered.

All the while that these two were in my presence there was this constant “should we, or shouldn’t we” from them. Should we tell him, or should we not?


When I woke and saw the man next to me, for hours after that I could not fall asleep, and during this time I understood my predicament.

The top of the ceiling for me is my love for the animals – where this high I cannot surpass, where it is the ultimate for me because my love is safe in the animals as I know they will not hurt me, thus I give them my all.

What is my all? Or should we say, in what place do we give this our all?

We are in a frequency that is ruled by Monsters and Beasts, and in this place we are at their mercy, where they have none, so we are in a bad place. Some things, and I would say most, cannot be fixed here because they are not meant to be, because here cruelty abounds, where destruction far outweighs upliftment. (This is played out on the unseen/spirit realm, so don’t say I don’t know what I am talking about as Aunt Joey invited you around for cucumber sandwiches and tea the other day and she is a fine, upstanding citizen, so you don’t know where I come up with all this bad nonsense. Everything is not bad.) Well, actually, it is a friggin’ disaster.


I lay in bed awake after seeing the Snake and the man and thought about our predicament of being stuck here in this illusion. Why are we stuck here?

In this place love and hate are pretty much the same thing, where both give off emotions/energy which feeds the illusion and those in the unseen. Why am I stuck here – because I love the animals, that’s why. What I need to do is Love myself. We are stuck here because we have forgotten self-Love. If we had this trait there is no ways we would have stood for the nonsense that came our way. You cannot touch me or destroy me because you cannot get near to me as we are on two different frequencies, where the one is I Love myself, and the other is I find fulfillment in you. To Love I need the animals, but what about me – how about me Loving me? Do you think Monsters and Beasts Love themselves? Well, neither do we, thus we are on the same frequency as them. Please understand that what these entities do to you and your loved ones is horrific. That is why your Third Eye is closed, where you make sure it stays shut so that you cannot witness the torment and humiliation inflicted upon you by the cruel in the unseen realms. By not looking does not make them go away. You have to leave their space, and the first step Homeward bound is self-Love.


All you do is stand in the presence of your Consciousness and be and embrace this that you are. That is self-Love, where you see and know what you are, and you become that. That is the key: Don’t look and be mesmerized; become what you are.


Look at social media today, where we are infatuated with the goings on around us. That will be taken up to the next level, where we forget this that we are which looks into the screen at the goings on of others. Why is this so? I would say because we don’t know ourselves because we don’t Love ourselves.

To all those in the spirit realm, hear these words: Look to your Consciousness and be this what you are, rather than becoming a peeping-Tom where the lives of others infatuate you because now you are totally lost unto yourself.

That is our future unless we rise above our ceilings of limitations to Love ourselves by knowing our Consciousness within, which is our true selves. Look at this what you are and open yourself up to become that. That will lead you to self-Love.


The Snake that came last night with the man were one of a kind, where they could foresee the future of a species. This place we are heading too they foretold, but it doesn’t have to be this way. With self-Love everything changes.


What was it they debated if they should or should not tell us? At one point during the presence of this Snake it puffed out its cheeks and blew into my throat area. What was that all about?

In the stillness of the silence I feel an emptiness within our spirits, as well as a lasting pain where the first neck vertebrae meets the right side of the skull.

I can only assume that we are at a cross-road, where our future is in our hands.  We decide to either stay and be at the mercy of the cruel, or we rise to what we are.


Choose now, while you still can.

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Here in the analytical illusion what is the expression of your Consciousness, meaning how does it express itself? The answer is through the word, where we formulate in the head/brain, and from there we speak. Our speech can be through our actions, our facial and body expressions, as well as what we say.

What this means, is as long as you think, you are in the analytical illusion – which is not a very nice place to be, compared to where we should be.


On the other side of the spectrum, which is beyond the analytical illusion, is the illusionary playground Garden of Queen Semiramis, and beyond that is the fields of Infinite Love. You want to be in the latter two – not the analytical illusion.

So what you do to reach these two states is drop your Consciousness from its current location at your throat into your heart space. I found Consciousness at our throat area, and I never wondered why this location. Now I know – it is from our throats that our voice is heard. But the voice of whom? – It is of Consciousness, where in the beginning of the analytical illusion our words created, but as we were dumbed down the simulation took us over and told us what to believe.

On Sunday I visited a huge car dealership of over eight hundred cars. The soulless atmosphere of the place drained me, where I became rattled and edgy. When I got home I ate a plate of food, and this food restored my strength. But who determined that? Who made me believe that food sustains me and restores my health? The answer is the program within me the biological computer, as well as the hard-drive of the simulation.

That is all absolute bullshit, because the food, my body, as well as the simulation is an illusion. How can an illusion restore me?


To get out of this trap you have to move Consciousness from the throat to the heart space. That is the only way out of the analytical illusion, where as long as you think, your Consciousness is drawn into the analytical illusion. When it is in the heart space your Consciousness is complete.

The disaster is we have forgotten how this feels, where the natural has become unknown.


What I am getting at is we need a focal point, where the compass is pointed to north and we know where we are going. I am not saying stop speaking; I am saying stop analyzing. So drop your Consciousness from the throat to the heart space, and from there keep it there.

Dare to venture where you have been but have forgotten what it is like to be there.


At this stage of the journal we are mature enough to know what makes sense and go with that flow, where we take control of us the spirit, body and Consciousness. Your daddy won’t and can’t do it for you – it is your Life so take back control of it.

Remember what was said: Drop Consciousness from the throat to the heart space and keep it there in the stillness. In this complete state it will draw the spirit and body form to the representations of the heart space, namely the illusionary Garden and the Infinite.


Take this leap of faith. It’s a good move before we see the lie we have lived, and by seeing and knowing, everything falls apart as there was always nothing there but an illusion. You want to jump onto the next stepping stone before that happens. Drop your Consciousness from the throat to the heart space and keep it there where it belongs.

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It was around 2015 that we wrote about the branding of our spirit in the journal.

Two things were never known then that we know of now: The first was that the spirit was a by-the-by – it was the Golden Child that is Consciousness that was always targeted, which had a knock-on effect on the spirit and body; and the second was that some problems cannot be fixed in this analytical illusion, where one has to step outside of this reality to resolve the issue.


On the 3/3/24 it was written in the journal of a lasting pain on the upper right side of the neck of the spirit. This pain is from the branding of our spirit. What this branding was, which we will go into detail shortly, was a barcode of sorts, where you are now the property of another, where their branding you makes you theirs. A simple example is the owner of cattle branding them with a hot poker so all in the area know the cattle is his/hers.

As long our branding is there, we are theirs.

As said, for a good nine years we have known about this branding at our neck and fingertips, but this was one of those problems that cannot be fixed as it is bigger than us – bigger than the analytical illusion. So one has to step out of this illusion to solve it. By Consciousness moving from the throat (analytical illusion) to the heart space (illusionary Garden, as well as Infinite) its branding can be removed from its space.


Imagine the cruelty of taking a hot rod and burning it onto an animal’s skin – imagine the pain those animals felt.

I believe that our branding at the neck was not painful, but I wish it was, where the pain lingers and then it’s gone, and that is the end of that. What our branding done was limit us this Beautiful Child of the Infinite. Understand that when Consciousness was branded, it was not the beginning of the end – it was the end, where now we were confined to the analytical illusion and the mercy of Beasts and Monsters.

What gives those from the unseen the right to come into our space and eat of our energy, sexually abuse us, and use us as a habitat to grow and feed the Monsters that they are? The answer is our branding.

So many questions have been asked in this journal so that we may peel away another layer towards our freedom, but understand one thing: We were going nowhere as long as we were branded.


What did this horrific and sadistic act do to us that is Consciousness, the spirit and body form? We will examine Consciousness, as what happened to the primary target of the Golden Child rippled down to the rest of our body forms. This examination can only be done at this stage of the journal, where the branding can been removed by Consciousness knowing its branding objectively – from an outsiders perspective looking in. Once Consciousness moved from the throat to the heart space, it was free from the abuse it endured, and from there may heal. This healing of its branding must be complete by now, but true healing is from understanding what the calculated cruelty released upon us actually done to us.


In the stillness of the silence you go into the space of Consciousness before it was branded at the “neck” area, when everything merely was. From there you feel the branding, and what was its effects on Consciousness.

The primary mission of our branding was to target the heart space. It was vital to the cosmic geneticists that we do not find this that we turfed, and from there know ourselves so that we may return Home. One could say they put a seal on this door to the heart space so that what was there may never be found. Now there was no going back Home, where now you are in my environment and my Game and thus are mine. The slave was now born, and that’s you and me, starting with our Consciousness and working its way down from the spirit to the body form.

What was this that we are that we turfed could easily be found again, as to retrieve what we threw away cannot be too difficult a task to perform, but now through our branding this doorway to the expression of what we are, as well as to the Infinite, was not only closed, but sealed so that we may never find ourselves to cure our lost state. (That is what I feel as I write these words – an impenetrable passageway at my chest area. You can look and try and break down this door all you want, and you will never succeed because you are looking at the wrong area – look to our branding at our necks to open this doorway to what we are. Or alternatively, understand where you are and where you should be, and that opens Aladdin’s cave, which took me lifetimes.)


What fed us was being Home, as this is all we need, where by being Home we are complete. With our branding we were shut out from Home, so now a new source had to be found to complete us, or should we say – nourish us. From the chest area our branding moved down to our gut area, and this is where a partial strength of the Parasite frequency was stored and released, where this gut part of us say “I want.” Our appetite was born, where if I don’t fulfill this want within me I will become weak and die.

Any guesses to where our branding moved from the gut area? And blessed are you the females, where this want at the loins was not so strong in you as in us men, where our dignity and self-respect were thrown to the wind to fulfill this urge hanging between our legs.

From there, the branding made one final stop, and this was to the right side of the brain, where the spirit had to always know and understand. Our initial analytical thinking was merely a pondering, where you sit on your rocking chair and take a puff of your pipe now and then, and when your pondering is complete, you rise up and get on with it, where you return to what you were. With our branding there was a constant question mark within us the spirit, where even in the splendor of the spirit realm this nagging within us would stir, creating a restlessness. Ask me what that was and I would say it was the imperfection of the place that touched us, where we had to fix something. Something was wrong – we couldn’t put our finger on it – but something was wrong. And that was the desired effect of the branding on the spirit, where you always move to find this that you don’t know. There was never a problem to fix – all we had to do was sit down and take a good, hard look at ourselves and see what we lack. This we could not do alone, as I cannot see myself, but you can see me, so together we help each other to return Home.


From the brain the branding moved down to our eyes, where now we no longer see what is there, but we see through our interpretation of what we want to see. I want to eat, so in front of me is not a Beautiful being, but rather a piece of meat that I will either cook up or eat raw to feed the want in my gut.

We had to change what was real in front of us to what we believed was okay and acceptable behaviour on our part, and for this to happen our sight had to change to suit our needs and our interpretation of what is right and wrong. Now we became blinded to the truth, where reality became more and more limited as we fell further and justified our savage actions. Through our eyes what we now done was okay, but the origin of us the Beast can be traced back to our branding. Our daddy who branded us that is Consciousness was the vilest of them all, and this sack of shit I would like to understand before I close the cover on this book.


When I found out that we were branded, I sent the news to Pierre Sabak, and ironically he had come to the same conclusion. What Pierre told me were the locations of our branding. If I remember correctly, I knew about the neck branding, but not about our finger branding, which Pierre told me about.

So let’s see what was the purpose of this branding at our fingertips. Once again, we have to go back to before we were branded, and from there feel the effects of the branding to understand it. But so far, understand one thing – our branding made us a unit, where from the collective, we that is Consciousness become an individual. From the One; from the All, we were constructed as a tick-tack unit, where “this is me.” With me, there is a you, so now it is me against you, and this individual unit was the foundation of our destructive nature, where at all costs I will do anything to appease this want within ME. There is no you or we – there is only a me, and from there the analytical illusion fell into the hell-hole where we currently find ourselves, where culture and intelligence no longer feature. Appease the want within – be it from your cock or your stomach, that is irrelevant. Just appease this want within, and how you do that is by taking. But remember, and this is important: It’s all about me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     


When our fingertips were branded, I feel no real movement from there to elsewhere on our forms. I would say our branding there made us a charity case, where we are always depended on those who branded us. The slave cannot exist without master, and our branding at our fingertips set into stone this relationship between us and the cruelest of the cruel.

With the branding being removed from our neck area, where we once again become incorporated into the All, where we go from me to we, let’s see what should naturally happen at our fingertips.

What should happen, which is currently returning to this natural state, is from our hands we may hold onto what is rightfully ours. No matter what they done to us, first and foremost we are a child of the Infinite, and this we will always be. What is of the Infinite is ours, where we experience and know of the joy we have received from this our playground.

When they branded our fingertips we could not hold onto this that was ours to play with. And once again, ask yourself what would carry out such a task on the innocent?


And it is here that I turn to this one that orchestrated our branding so that I may understand why.

Through my intent I find this one at the top of the hierarchal pyramid – not to judge or condemn, but just to know, and by knowing we walk away from this that was that destroyed all that was Beautiful and replaced it with a bottomless, never-ending sorrow. My strength is that I never judge, where first and foremost I understand. In understanding, the one in front of me understands themselves, and in that moment my job is done, where now there is no misunderstandings. From there I walk away as there is nothing more to do or say. So before I walk away, let’s understand this one at the top of the pyramid who branded us. And if I say I walk away, I do not walk away in disgust – rather I walk holding onto what I am, which is self-respect, where I refuse to become the Beasts in my midst. What may well linger is disappointment, where you see the goodness in others and how they destroy it, but always I walk, to find a way out of this mess where I don’t belong.


What is this that was once our master?

Let’s go back to the beginning, where there was Goodness in this one, and take it from there.

What I feel is one who has a Beautiful warmth in their hands – one could say Golden Hands. What they touched was restored to Beauty, where truly this being had the Midas touch. What was broken was fixed, and this gave this being much joy. But soon these hands became heavy and broken, where as soon as something was fixed we broke it again, thus not seeing the Beauty that should be, where we preferred destruction to Beauty, meaning we no longer cared.

So what do you do when you and your work are not appreciated or wanted? What do you do when those who need your help tell you fuck off and leave them alone? What this entity done was he took everything within him that was Good – that was Golden – and he turned it into a Golden All-Seeing eye, where this Eye not so much looks down on all, but rather is there to be seen by all, where at any time we wish, we may took to this Golden Eye to restore what we broke.


And this for me I find absolutely remarkable, because now I understand the Golden Eye that I have seen  countless times when I close my eyes to see.

And that is why I NEVER judge another, but rather understand them. For this one at the top of the pyramid is the Infinite that fucked off because we told it to, but it would never completely abandon us, so it left us a reminder of what it is and what we are should we wish to fix that what we broke. In her insanity Semiramis stood behind this Golden Glow from the Infinite, and we the dummies equated this Glow with her, and we gave her our energy/power, but the Glow and Semiramis were two completely different components – the one was driven by insanity and the other was Love.


So who branded us? The answer is we did. When we turned our backs on the Infinite, we became the opposite to the infinite, which is finite. Now we became individual units. That some punk in the unseen developed the programme to turn us into robots is irrelevant because we gave them our power when we turned away from what was real. That piece of shit at the top of the pyramid is you and me. We became the cruelest of the cruel when we turned away from Home, and in doing so, this set the foundation to turn our backs on everything else, including each other. Now it is about ME.


Dumb fucks. All of us.


With your branding removed, do what is right. Turn your back in the direction it belongs, which is away from the illusions and stand towards the Infinite.


When I looked at the Golden Eye, it would eventually change to a purple colour. What was that all about? What it was, was the other motive of the Infinite. Through the Golden Eye it tried to penetrate the illusion and make its presence known. This presence, when you knew what you were looking at, was the colour purple.


Will we listen now? Will we do what is right?

I would say from messing up so often, we will do so out of necessity. Our ways have never worked, and this we understand. There is no other way but back Home to where we belong and what we naturally are. How sad it is that we never longed for this that we naturally are. How important we became to ourselves – how supreme, where we are never wrong. In understanding, I understand that we are absolutely bloody fucking idiots that are not worthy of the Love of the Infinite. I see the Beast in the seen all around me, and truly we have fallen. What I don’t understand is how we can like it here, where we can call this hell-hole home. That is madness, where it is okay to be cruel and think of no other but yourself.

We have fallen, and we have shamed ourselves, and we are okay with this.


So will we listen? That question I cannot answer. In asking why Life is cruel, I was shown the picture of what ruled over us and what we had become in its pure, undiluted form. I saw the bad that we were too afraid to acknowledge, both in ourselves and in others.

What I was not shown was the Good. Only in my animals and in my nature did I see this, because not all nature is good. But there is Good out there, and I am sure they will listen.


What I can tell you for certain is that this Game has come to an end. “Fuck off and leave us alone” is no longer acceptable by the Infinite because others get hurt in the process. So many do their best, but their best is at the expense of others, because they are always right because it is always about me which is supreme.


Will there be a wake-up-shake-up? There will be an awakening to what is real, which is happening as we speak, where Life as we knew it will never be the same again, where we return to what is natural, which is Home.

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The Game was about throwing a tantrum and breaking things, and by “things,” that is primarily you and me.

Here in South Africa the decisions the governments make do not make logical sense, where what they do does and will not work. Fair enough, large doses of stupidity are in the mix, but those feeding them these ideas have only one motive in mind, and that is to break that which is not already broken.


They wanted us on our knees, because from there they can do with us as they please. Work from the shadows, and then when the scum is floored, show yourself and deliver the final blow.

This is the coward; the snake-shit who doesn’t have the courage to look us in the eye. Their modus operandi is to work from the shadows – the thief in the night – and why this is so is because they understand their weakness, which is within them is nothing. All they have is their blood lust and cruelty – their will to do the unspeakable.


Think about what I have just described. Think of the shallowness and cowardly nature of those that controlled and destroyed the illusion. Just stand back for one moment and look at those I have just described. Do you see them? Do you see their nothingness, where nothing about them is natural or makes sense. Do you see the wimp? Do you see their evil within coming through to the surface, where you see nastiness and cruelty in every pore in their skin?

I see it, and I know that such filth cannot control and rule over us. That is impossible, because the coward lives and rules in the hole it dug for itself in the ground, where it is afraid of all and sundry because it knows it is a rubbish not worthy of being amongst the Good and innocent.

Understand that what I say is the truth.


So who broke us and dropped us to our knees, where from there the cruel emerged from the shadows to deliver the death blow?


A stranger can rattle us, where we never saw them coming. They can stun us, where we are shocked by that unexpected and callous behaviour. But they cannot break us, because they are nothing to us. Who are you but a face and a name who feel it is your right to be cruel to me, so fuck off you piece of shit and go and have a look in the mirror at what you are. Bet you don’t have the courage to look, because what you will see is one who is so low they have to lash out at strangers to feel good about themselves.

A stranger cannot break us. They can destroy this body form, but they cannot break our spirit because we know what we are, or more importantly, we know what they are.


What ruled the System, and ultimately the Game, was those we Loved – in the seen and the unseen. Those we Loved were our world, where nothing else mattered but our Love for them. This was our space – our place, and here we found joy and peace and solitude.

It was these – those we Loved more than Life itself – that broke us and brought us to our knees. From there the coward and the cruel just stepped in to finish the job. It was those we Loved that broke the illusion – not some secret-society network of fiends and cowards, because those we Loved had might, which was our might which we gave to them because we Loved them more than anything, where our Life was theirs. Their betrayal cracked the illusion and created the flaw therein, and what this flaw was, was I don’t care. If it’s broken I don’t care. If you are broken I don’t care.


Why did this caring stop within us? I would say we let ourselves go. We spread our wings to encapsulate this place where we were not accountable for anything. Do what you want when you want because you can, just don’t get caught out, where everyone sees your true colours. In this periphery we became lax; we flexed our muscles, and played with the reality of becoming cruel.

What I don’t understand, and it is something I am not willing to delve into to understand, is the high these Cruel received from breaking the one who Loves them the most. I will not walk that path to understand that, because that for me is the lowest of the low. How can you be joyous in destroying that pure heart who Loves you?


All we needed was a few of those scattered in the System to break us, which broke the System and the illusion. Those from the shadows just came to pick up the crumbs that those we Loved left behind.


Understand that. It was not some sinister organization – it was those we Loved that destroyed all, by first and foremost destroying the Love we have for them. In our broken state we could not function, and thus could never see the Beauty of the Infinite staring us in the face.

Our world is not broken. The illusion is not broken. We are broken.


How do you fix that which is broken?

Well, ask yourself do you want to be fixed – don’t you just want to go Home? Sure, Home is waiting, but it is not nice to be broken, so for me, yes, I wish to be fixed. And this is where we need help, because believe you me, we are all broken.


I cannot speak for others, so I speak for myself when I say that I open myself up to the Love of the Infinite to fix me and restore me to what I am. That Golden Eye, as well as its purple-coloured presence I absorb and make my own.


To those that broke us – shame on you. How could you be so cruel?




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What I was shown as I slept last night was a house on fire. As an impartial mechanical engineer would, I walked around the house and noted the strategic points within the house where the flames were. The roof was the prime spot where the flames took hold, where from there everything would fall apart.


What we have never realized, was how bad we were. We had no choice but to keep moving, and this was the System pushing us from behind saying “keep moving.” Never was there time to contemplate and reflect – the reason we departed the Garden and came here in the first place. We could never backtrack, see our mistakes, correct them, and from there move forwards in the right direction. On one mistake another was built, and so we went forwards, becoming more and more confused. Some of us tried our darnest to get it right, and others just threw in the towel and said “fuck it.”


What we never knew was the impact the illusion had on us. Always, we looked, but what we saw was what we believed, not what was real, and by “real” I mean the state of our spirit.

How did those knocks the illusion threw at us impact us the spirit? The answer is we the illusionary unit began to fade.

The other night as I slept I woke up, and through my Third Eye saw this Beautiful, innocent young boy looking at me. His most noticeable trait was most of his face was missing, and that is the impact the illusion had on him the spirit. Have written often in the journal of my account in meeting what I called then the god of Wrath. Woke up one night to see this clay face looking at me. The presence of this entity was so powerful my lungs were pushed to one side, where I battled to breathe, and my thoughts slowed down from my brain being compressed. All that was left of this new-found friend of mine was his face – the rest of him was broken down to fade away by the harshness of this place, where all the shit out there touches us and chips away at the old block that is us the spirit.


So when you the spirit sees another spirit, you see what you believe should be there, not what is realistically there. Look, and the only way you can do this is by looking without fear, where when you look to see what is there, you will see that so much of what should be there is not. But before you truly look at another spirit, look at yourself, and how you do this is look at your Consciousness. You look within – every essence of what you are looks within. What you will see and feel is what one can only describe as a beating Sun, where this Glowing state within you expands and contracts like a beating heart. That is the real you, and in seeing yourself, in this reflection you see you the spirit. Now you see the beaten, dilapidated fraction of what you should be, and from there you grow and become complete.


So that house on fire I saw last night was us, where we have been burning up – fading – into nothing since our inception.

The positive side of this is when you the spirit look at the Consciousness that you are, you build yourself up in the image of Consciousness, and what this means is you begin to Glow/represent what you are, where from Consciousness you the spirit come forth.

Before, we were created around a lost and manipulated Consciousness. Now we are one with Consciousness as it should be, and this changes everything.


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There were bad guys around me that I was shooting with a gun. Then I saw two of these bad guys turn towards each other for a bit of R & R, where the one put his dick up the other guys arse and begun to hump him. Hell, that’s not normal. A hand-job should suffice, but not that.

It bothered me that I was around these bad people, so I told myself to look within towards my Consciousness and be that, where I could not understand why I was around these tormented beings.

From there my spirit found itself in a vehicle, where I was on my phone trying to get hold of my mom. There were others in the car with me – good people – and some of the keypads on the phone did not work properly so I had to make sure I pressed the numbers properly. The vehicle was one of those safari no-roof ones, and when I climbed out of the vehicle my wife’s best friend was there. Years back in this seen realm this lady turned what I said 360 degrees and made me out into a monster, which soured the relationship, where we never saw her again.

So there she was last night in this place in the spirit realm. She told me my mother was in for an operation for a double hip replacement. When I spoke to this lady there were ice cubes in my mouth.


What is all that about?


This lady mentioned above was a friend of my wife for many years. Over the last few years of their relationship it became very one sided, where she used the friendship for her convenience, meaning she became a friends arse. This troubled me, because that is not what a friend is, but still we Loved and cared for her. I suppose the writing was on the wall, and when things broke it rattled me and my wife to our core because what she told others about me to make me look bad was a downright lie which she believed to be the truth.

Our Love for her could only carry her so far, where she decided to terminate the friendship, and from our side it was no longer an option to be around such people.


 Why would you not allow others to care about you and be there for you as you walk this harsh path through Life? Why cut the bond, and hurt them in the process?

I am not a psychologist and have no real desire to be one, so to analyze these cruel I have no interest in doing. Just leave me alone, and thanks for eventually showing me your true colours so I may understand you are not worthy of my Love.

So where is this all going – why was I shown those scenarios in my sleep state last night? There is something deeper to know.


In the stillness of the silence momentum and movement is felt within my heart space. It is like a pot of lava in the centre and top of a mountain, where lava begins to move and bubble and spew outwards – this is what is going on in our heart space. Movement is felt on the whole left side of my abdomen, as if this part of me is moving away, but it is not – it is just shifting to allow the release from our heart space.

When something popped within us from the shock of the betrayal of those we Loved, there had to be a release of this trauma. You could literally say that our heart space became broken, and the piece that broke off had to go somewhere, and where it settled was on the left shoulder. As I write these words pain is felt on the left shoulder, where what was in this area is compressed downwards to make place for this portion of our heart space.

(This I find most interesting because last week when I saw this lady who was abused by her mother and father her whole life, she had this same feeling I feel right now at her left shoulder. Can you imagine parents abusing their child – the one they are meant to Love the most; the one who Loves them more than anything.)


What has been known for years is the left shoulder we called the seat of satan, because when demonic entities entered your space to stay for a while, they would attach themselves to and reside around the left shoulder. Now we know how this seat got there – by our hearts being broken, where the broken piece of essence that defined us came to settle at this area. These demons basically sat on our sorrow, and this must be why this seat must have been so comfortable to them.

This literal breaking of our heart space was bad, but what ensued was a distortion to our psyche from which we could never recover. Now we turned to the analytical mind, where a hard question was asked: “Why?” Why did you just break my heart when I Love you so much?

On the left side of our brain I feel the presence/energy of this question as it moves around there looking for an answer. Now I feel that question move out of us, where it departs the brain space, and from there I feel this exit wound heal, and from the left brain this line drops down to create a shear in our left eye. That shear is the flaw in the System, where those we Loved broke us.


Now you know why this light-headed, emptiness is within you when a Loved one hurts you, where you cannot grab onto here or there – it is because you asked a question that cannot be answered, because what you just experienced goes against everything that you are, which is Love.

There is no answer as to why those we Love just broke us, and this lack of closure makes us drift. And drift. And drift.

Now we were easy riding for those attached to our left shoulder, where they could do with us as they want because now within us there was nobody home. You never recover from the incomprehensible. Sure, you get on with Life, but you are never the same again, where this act of betrayal changed you forever. And understand I am not talking about childhood sweetheart puppy-love – I am talking about Love between two spirits, and I would go even further to say this Love is between two units of Consciousness, where this betrayal cuts deep, and why this is so, is because it was unnecessary. The only explainable reason is because they can. Which is devastating, because what you just done was break me.


Those baddies that I had to shoot that ended up butt-banging each other could enter my space from the seat of sorrow within me as well as my rattled state, which we never truly recover from, thus is always there. For me, one level below Love is a deep caring, and here a total stranger can walk into your Life, and in that short period of time you care for them. A few weeks back this man brought his dog to me for help. In over an hour I done everything I could to help this dog, where I cared and gave it my all. Later it came out that this man refused to pay me because, in his words, he left me and thought he had just been scammed. He thought I was high on something; that I was a fraud, and now he was going to expose me.


It look me over an hour to explain each step what I done to assist his dog. I really cared, as I always do, and I gave it my everything, so this man hurt me deeply, where if anything, he could not see that I cared. That really upset me, because I know what I am, where I am no fraud.

Ask yourself why these most unpleasant, twisted individuals can enter our space, where they are the complete opposite of what we are. Always, I self-analyze myself because I want to be better than what I am. Others are so detached from reality and themselves that they do not know themselves and are thus immune to faults. How can I allow such unpleasant beings into my space, where they waste my time and my energy?

The answer is my heart space has been broken and so has theirs, so now we all float in the same space like trillions of molecules of essence, where we float and bump against each other because we are all the same – the broken. Many accept this status and make it their own – I don’t, because I don’t like being a fuck-nut idiot that allows the same into my existence. I want to be better than what I am; I want to rise up where I belong and be what I naturally am.

The point to make was that it is not only those we Love that affect us disharmoniously. I would say it was those we Love that broke us, which opened us up to be around those that rattle us, and this is in the seen and unseen realms.


This stops now. This is no more. By understanding our broken state we restore it to what it should be.   


Last night in my sleep state I was shown those events so that we may understand our broken state, and from there, in the moment, it is healed.

But why the ice cubes in my mouth? What does that mean? It means we had no answer to what was done to us, because there is no answer. What do you say to someone who takes your Love and destroys it? There are no words to make us feel better, so there is truly nothing to say to make this wrong right. That is why my mouth was filled with ice cubes – because within me is a shattered, cold, delirious state, and that’s it, there is nothing else. There are no words, just a cold, broken, frozen state.

And please understand why this is so. It is because we are Love – all of us, so how can we break each other when this is all we are and have? We cannot, but we did, and this allowed Beasts and Monsters into our space in the seen and unseen to play with us.


No more.


There is one last aspect to mention here, and this is what I would say kept the illusion intact and going for so long. What that is, is the lie.

In knowing the lie; in seeing the lie, this hell-hole, as well as the analytical illusion would not have lasted a month, where we all would have said I am not standing for all of this bullshit, so let’s go Home. How is it possible that we could never tell the truth from a lie? The answer is our shattered, broken state created a delirium within us, meaning we could not think straight, and thus not see the nonsense in front of us. By not knowing ourselves we doubted ourselves as to what is the truth, and this further embedded our drifting status – going nowhere slowly.


By your heart field intact you draw to you others that are you, and nothing else. This places you rock-solid on the path Home, because what you are is an expression of Home, thus you are drawn to where you belong. There is nothing else but this in your existence, which is natural as this is all there is.


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Ask me when this journal is complete, and I will tell you it is when our job is done. To you the spirit, what is your job, and I mean your initial job – the reason why you were created?


Believe it or not, through all of the drama that I write about, there was a time when Life was Good and joyous and natural. I would say this was in the analytical illusion rather than in the illusionary Garden. Yes, things were Good in the Garden, but we never Fell in this place, and by Fall I mean an impending doom that was about to make us Fall to a denser realm. We left the Beautiful illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis, and we founded an analytical illusion, where we could ponder and think, where we never intended this place to become home, but it did as we became trapped in this wondrous place that would Fall into a hell-hole for those the innocent that Fell therein.

Before this Fall in the culturally and intellectually rich illusion things were Good, but soon the writing was on the wall, where our demise was imminent. (This demise/Fall was of the Serpent souls – the kin/children of Queen Semiramis, where we the spirit was not yet created.) I also stress that during these times Queen Semiramis was of sound mind, where her Beauty shone through.


I remember writing in the journal of these times, where they were likened to Superman being placed in a pod as a baby and shot off to some distant world so that he may avoid the catastrophe that was unfolding in his world.

That is exactly what Semiramis done to her children/kin the Serpent souls, where we the spirit were created to look after this Serpent soul within. Our initial form was that of a sphere; an egg-shaped form. I don’t remember when I saw the image of an eggshell being broken to reveal a reptilian entity lying within, but that image is spot-on of your original role and mine, where we were to be the conscience/guide to the precious cargo within – this beloved kin of Queen Semiramis.   


The main reason why I began a journal was because I forgot what I saw and learnt about yesterday, so I had to write everything down. As an example, I cannot remember what was said about the Seprent soul. On page 2181 of the journal I copy the following:


“The implanted dream last night as I slept was of me preparing for a French test. I did not learn for the test properly, so I said the lines I had to know for the test over and over, but I was confused and did not know what French words to use in the sentences, so I said the lines over and over but they were the wrong words.


I knew it was an implanted dream. I knew I had no French test I had to write, but there I was, not being able to stop this small but mighty cog within my program from turning over and over taking me over.

I woke up from the implanted dream to see two of them standing over me. The one was one level above from a caveman – a huge man with his exposed rounded shoulders. He took handfuls of my energy and ate it. The other one I could not make out.


We need to eat – you and I and those in the Reptilian frequency of the illusion who have sussed the Game and know their place. That is what the Game is all about – eating. As long as we are not where we belong we need to eat. That is the jewel in the crown – eat or die. Kill to eat or die. Those rivers of blood from those slaughtered animals are for us to survive. Did anybody ever stop to think that something is wrong, that I have to kill you my friends the animals so that I can eat you to survive.

There is a day in China where they specifically eat dogs, but that is not enough, where they torture the dogs before they kill them to release the endorphins so that the meat tastes better. That’s unbelievably sad.

How many lifetimes before you and I as spirits stand over someone as they sleep to feed from their energy so that we may survive? It’s a shit predicament – this having to eat. We are eating an illusion to feed an illusionary figure, and I would say eating arose from our wants, where it was primarily there to feed the frenzy of the want frequency within us. You could liken that to a drug addict needing their fix NOW, where in chasing a want this want takes you over and controls you.


I am not saying that I am going to stop eating tomorrow, but what I will say is this mechanism of having to eat has to come to an end. Surely that is when the Game is over, when we are free from our survival mode, which is having to eat.

Go into the stillness of the silence to get to the bottom of this having to eat and drink mode so that it may be understood and from there be no more.


Activity is felt around the soles of the feet. It is a mild sensation of movement there, and then the left foot moves away from where it was planted against. The movement that was initially felt was the breaking away from where we stood. The right foot follow suit, where energetically where we stood we no longer stand. Now we drift – we are away from where we were, and it is an awful sensation – a lost sensation; an insecure one; almost like an astronaut drifting into space knowing they have just left the confines of their home and will never return.

An intensity is felt within the brain area, almost like a freezing from “I don’t know what to do.” From the brain a line is drawn to the gut area, where this line moves to and fro in the abdomen. This line is our reason and logic, where it looks for an answer to our predicament, where it moves within us looking for a solution to us no longer being where we were.

And that is when we changed – when we that were, adapted to our new environment. From the frozen mind of fear the predator was born within us, and I say this because within my brain I feel this Snake being born, and this was the solution to our problem: Feed this Beast within and we will be okay, as in looked after so that we can survive. This Snake I feel within is not the Serpent soul. Years back when I wrote in the journal of the Serpent soul/kundalini, I always spelled it Seprent soul, and I couldn’t understand why. Now I know – there is another Snake within us, one whom we love dearly, but one that needs to be fed. When I saw those two Snakes arise from the chest of that man in the ayahausca ceremony I could never understand why two Snakes. Now I do – there are two within us who love us and we them: The one is the Serpent soul that was cloned from the Serpent spirit, and this soul was our precious cargo that Semiramis bestowed upon our spirit to look after a long time ago; and the other was one born from our fear of not being where we belong. So when you eat, you eat to appease this one that looks after you, this Seprent soul, and that I never knew.”


The reason why I mention the Serpent and Seprent soul now, is because earlier on while I was waiting in the car to pick up my youngest daughter from school I felt the activity of the Serpent soul within its canal/cavity within me the spirit.


That is when your job and mine is complete – when we release this precious cargo within to Queen Semiramis so that it may be Home. But this could only be done by the restoration of our heart space, because when this is intact, then so is Consciousness, and what this means is Disharmony cannot touch our space, as Love is natural and Disharmony is not. Do all spirits have the Serpent soul within? That I cannot tell you – I don’t know. What I do know is it is within me and you, as you within the spirit realm that is drawn to this journal will know the truth that is spoken of what is within you, and you will be drawn to this truth so that you may be set free to return to what you are, which is Consciousness.


To be free, release what is within you so that it may be free, and as said, this is only possible through the present and intact heart space, because through this corridor the child/kin of Semiramis is returned to the Infinite where it belongs.

So go my friend, go to where you belong.  


In releasing the Serpent soul we set ourselves free from our obligation and honour to Love one so dear to us and Semiramis. In the release of this Beautiful child within we set ourselves free from the obligation of living within an illusion, and what this means is survival, as well as its sidekick partner Fear is no longer a priority within our existence. We the spirit return to the Consciousness that we are, and in doing so, set the Seprent soul within us free.

Now all are free to return Home, where the Serpent soul returns to Semiramis; the Seprent soul returns to and becomes the Love that is within us the spirit that is now devoid of Fear, and from there the Seprent soul is incorporated into the All of the Infinite.

As for you and me the spirit, we return to what we are – around which we were created – which is Consciousness, and in that moment we are free of the illusion and are Home.


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It has been said there are some things in the illusion that cannot be fixed. Let’s give a few examples: If you are a tree, and someone walks up to you with a chainsaw to cut you down, can you fix that situation, where you prevent the entity from cutting you down? If you are a cow, waiting in line at the abattoir to have your throat slit, can you escape your situation, where you run off into a pasture or forest never to be found again? Can I fix a cruel person, where they transform in front of my eyes and are now kind? If you are walking in the desert without water and have no shelter, can you fix your imminent death from thirst, where now your body no longer needs liquid to survive?

The answer is obviously no to all of the above, and the question you have to ask is why is this so? What limits us?


The answer is our survival program, and this was not programmed into us, as it was built into Consciousness through its lost state. I am lost, and thus fearful, so now I need to survive.

With the heart space returned to Consciousness the above sentence falls away and is no longer applicable, but what about the spirit and body? Where is this survival code ingrained within us? On the spirit it was projected from the illusion onto our left lateral bicep muscle, and what this code is, when I feel it enter my forms, is that of a Snake, and by Snake it is reptilian, where I want and I take, no need to ask as it’s mine and not yours.

This is survival, and this is the illusion, where if I have the upper hand over you I win, regardless if you are a tree or a baby born on the wrong side of the Indian caste system.


The analytical illusion was the projection of Consciousness, thus with Consciousness no longer the prodigal child, the survival frequency projected from the illusion falls away.

So understand what it means for your Consciousness, as well as your spirit to be free from the frequency of survival within the analytical illusion – it means you no longer fit into the equation of survival, where in the past, depending on your nature and circumstance, somewhere along the chain you are the weakest link and will end up second best. You are now free from that shite, and that changes the nature of your existence, where now you play according to the tune of Love rather than survival. Ask me how that transforms the circumstance of all Life in the illusion and I cannot tell you because this raw Love devoid of Disharmony I have yet to experience, and if I have, I cannot remember what it feels like. Just understand the pieces on the chess board have shifted to what is unknown to us, where this unknown is real and what should be.


Ah yes, sounds interesting, just where is the proof? How has your Life changed Steven?

My Life has fallen apart, where what was can no longer be, as that was unnatural. To see Snakes and Monsters come forth from entities, where these Snakes make a beeline to enter me is not fun. And by the way, that happens to you as well.

To be in a relationship that is the opposite to what Love should be is not fun, because sooner or later something has to give, where I don’t have the courage to start all over again.


So after all I have seen and come to understand, all that has changed is my Life has fallen apart. No beings of Love to tuck me in at night; no peace within me. What I can say for surety is the winds of change are blowing. That I feel and know to be true. I know what was we can never go back to, as the past is being swept away. This sweeping away of the old touches us, and all skeletons in the closet have to be seen, acknowledged, and then removed, where the old makes way for the new.


How do I know this? It’s the same old story, where I can bullshit you but I cannot do that to myself because my seeking the truth runs too deep within me, where I need to know and then be what I am. More than anything I would like to Live – to be what I am, as this is me and I cannot be anything else but what I am. And this applies to you and all within the analytical illusion.


How does that tree stop the axe from chopping it down? In the presence of the heart space disharmony cannot exist. For that tree, there is no axe – there is only Love around it as this is what it is.



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When we broke, what happened to our innocence? Now that is a question worth answering.

So where is it so that we may retrieve this that is ours? First ask yourself what is our innocence? It is our joy of being who we are, which is a child of the Infinite. One can expand on this, but let’s keep it simple and to the point.

This is why we could never rise above ourselves and the System, because the joy that we are was now no more. Now we became a shadow of our true selves.


Where is it? When we were broken we lost it, so where is it?


It went to hide within the seat of satan within our left shoulder, and here I am talking about on the level of Consciousness. When our heart space was broken, our innocence drifted and followed this our broken state, where it hid deep within the seat.

This innocence was the true lost state of Consciousness, as this is what defined Consciousness. How sad, this being in a place where we don’t belong – amongst oafs and those detached from Love.


So go back my friend, go back to your Consciousness, and may the warmth and comfort of the completed and present heart space nurture you and restore you to what you are.

So be it.  

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Last night as my body slept, my spirit slept in a room in another world/dimension/frequency. There was a noise at the window – a burglar was there – and my spirit shot awake to see who was there. There was nobody at the window, but there in the distance I saw the burglar/thief. When I saw him I was stunned into fright mode as a cold shock-wave pierced through me. It’s like you know unicorns don’t exist, but when you see one, you are stunned by this that you are not meant to see. The Thief was sitting back on a couch, and there was this pink/red burning scar around his face. Someone had fucked him up good and solid, and he was man down.


Ask yourself why the wheel in your Life could ever just gain momentum and start turning as you know it should, and the answer can be found in The Thief. So much has been written about this entity in the journal, where his unknown presence within our existence has played a major role in our broken status.


Yesterday it was felt how our innocence returned to our forms, and one of the major fields where this state settles is over our Third Eye. Now others cannot hide and be deceitful because now we see all, and this was a rude awakening to The Thief, where he got what he rightfully deserved. His number is up, as are all in the same league as him. 


Sometime during the night was awake as I was no longer tired. With the nail side of my thumbs I gently pressed against my closed eyelids, and what I saw was a yellow colour. Above this colour was a black colour, and now this black became infused with the yellow.

What I saw was the Infinite showing itself, but understand here that this Steven is still limited in what I see, meaning I don’t have the capacity to focus on the Infinite and see it for what it is. For now that is irrelevant, but what is important is the Infinite is there – it is in our space making itself known.


Just before I woke up this morning saw the head of a man about two inches from my face. He looked Human, and his age was about sixty five. Where his eyes should be was just skin, with a wet pink scar in the middle of each orbit, where the damage done to this area never fully healed.

As I would see you if you were standing next to me, in such clarity could I see this man. I saw every fold of skin on his face. All he done was put his face close against mine with intent. From there I saw his eyes that were once poked out return to his form, where his sight and eyes returned to him.

Years back in the journal it was written about Samson, and how his short back and sides haircut made him weak. What they took from him was not a few flocks of hair, but rather his understanding/knowledge, and this blinded him to Home – this Home the Infinite that gave him strength. Now he was at the mercy of those from the shadows who cunningly deceived him by preying on and taking advantage of his Goodness.


Now we can all again see, and this is from our innocence being returned to us, and for this I am eternally grateful and thankful.  

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(May this be the last.)


Ask yourself why we never accepted help from the Infinite – why did we turn our backs on the Infinite? The answer is we knew what we are – we know that we are perfection. We knew that we could get through this alone because we know what we are, where we are perfection.


And we were right – there was just one trap we put ourselves in that we never saw coming, and that was we can never be alone. There can never be a separation from Home because Home is everywhere.


I can do this; I got this. And what we done in making that statement was create the “I” – the “me.” What we done was place ourselves on a pathway to the impossible, where we will never succeed, regardless of how well we know ourselves. We were one hundred percent correct, where even now, with all our flaws, we are perfection, because what we are is a child of the Infinite, and regardless of how much you fuck up and are manipulated, you cannot can be anything else but what you are.

Did we see the Golden Eye of the Infinite above – this help that is there and made available to us at any time? You bet we did, but in our hearts we really believed we could get through this without help, where I know I got this and will be okay.


And once again I stress that we were correct, because we have always known what we are. In truth we never became lost unto ourselves – we became lost to the grand scheme of things, which is we can never be alone because we are one with the Infinite.


It was all about a play of words that isolated us from the Infinite, and we never saw this fault that we created. “I got this; I will be okay.”

Sure, but in you there is no I – there is only the Infinite within you. This word play of “I can do this; I can find my way back Home because I know what I am” pulled us apart from the Infinite and made us a singular unit, where now we walked alone to find a way back Home.


Why do I not take my medication our homeopath gives me? Because truly, I got this. I know what I am, and I know I am walking Homeward bound.

Well Steven, actually you are Home, as there is nothing else but Home. Where you are walking to you are already at. The I that is you has created an illusionary bubble around you, separating yourself from all that you are. Yes, you are all perfection as you are all the Infinite. How can there be an “I” in the All? There cannot be, but we created it.

We fucked up; we made mistakes, but we knew that we will be okay because we know what we are, so thanks for the help, but I will really be okay.


And that was the true flaw in the illusion, where we created a bubble around ourselves. I am walking towards there – Homeward bound. Well, actually you are already there, just take away the “I” in you to understand that you are the All; the Infinite, and cannot be anything else but this.


Know what you are. You are perfection, and what perfection is, is the Infinite, because there cannot be anything else but this.


That is how close, and yet so far we have been from Home, where in creating the “I” we created a division between us and Home. It is something that we created, not grasping that Love/Home is everywhere as this is all there is, which we are.


So be Home. Be Love. There is no Steven. There is no you that is reading these words. There are no words and labels. When I began this journal I studied David Ickes book “Infinite Love is the only Truth, everything else is an illusion.” That book made sense, but I needed to fill in the details to understand the big picture. Never for the life of me would I have imagined it would take me over ten years on a full-time basis, where I lived and breathed this journal. Now it is two in the morning, where even in my sleep I always search for the answers to take us back Home, where especially now, at this stage of our lives, things are getting ugly out there. We have fallen into a decay on a spiritual and moral standing, and we are okay with this, not seeing what we have become, where we are so far from what we should be, and yet we are also so close.


Walk in the glory of the Infinite because that is all you are. What else is there to say besides that? Maybe, stop walking and start being. You are already Home. You have always been Home, so wipe that thin veil between you and Home by removing the “I” from your existence.

2:22 AM 14/3/2024

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In looking for a way back Home, we released energy, as this mission required thought and focus. Now we began to bleed energy, and to supplement this deficit we had to take energy in from our surroundings. This was the beginning of survival, but most importantly, it was the beginning of the analytical illusion gaining momentum. Now we are going somewhere – we are going Homeward bound. But in reality we were drifting further and further from the truth of who and what we are. The more we had this, the more we realized we have nothing, so we knuckled down and got stuck in to find the truth. What we never knew was it was never within us, as we the “I” cannot exist as the Infinite is everything, including us. So we searched in our little bubble, and that is really sad. If only we got rid of the “me” to see and be the All.


Where is this “I” within us; this me and you? Break apart what you are – this illusionary energy field – and what you will find is what I see and feel as a unique bubble. Take away everything to find this you, and all that is left is this unique bubble. It resides within the top of your head, and its unmistakable feeling is that of a bubble of water within a water-level instrument.

Always, there has to be balance within and without us, and this is our perfection that we so desperately held onto.


Release this unique bubble within you that defines you, as that is not you. You are everything outside of that bubble, so be what you are. In understanding, know your fault of creating the “I” and from there release it with Love to Love. Now you are the all that is, as this is all there is.


(And so we keep on going until there is nothing more to say, but merely be. We created this word, and in this word we looked for a way Home. There is no word; there is no language or writings; there is only the Infinite which you are.)

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16 hours ago, steven geldenhuys said:



 There can never be a separation from Home because Home is everywhere.


And that was the true flaw in the illusion, where we created a bubble around ourselves. I am walking towards there – Homeward bound. Well, actually you are already there, just take away the “I” in you to understand that you are the All; the Infinite, and cannot be anything else but this.


 You are perfection, and what perfection is, is the Infinite, because there cannot be anything else but this.


so wipe that thin veil between you and Home by removing the “I” from your existence.


Yes, and you've never left it. You are protruding into something that is not really home. 

It is a flawless design.

It appears that evolutionary stages must first be completed in order to be like the others. It could be that this is an incredibly demanding process. Not many are able to let go. The dream of life is so tempting. 

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As a husband and father, what instinct naturally falls into place is the care/protection of those you brought into your space whom you Love. That is a given – where it just is. But what happens when what you have shielded them from penetrates their and your space, where it is there, even for the blind to see? What do you do then?

Today you can receive a billion cash reward to go and build your fortress and fields for sustainment, but in reality all you are doing is buying time until it is your turn to see and be touched by the nastiness out there.


So what is the solution, where you can run and be street-smart, but you cannot hide from what is out there?


Zoom out to see the big picture and you will understand that we have lost our Joy. Sure, make the most of your Life and find a reason to always have a good laugh, but once that is over you step back into the nastiness, where you cannot avoid it – because it is there for you to see.

We have found our innocence, and an expression of Innocence is Joy. This Joy we have not found, so we looked to the pleasures to make us happy. Our pleasures feed and fulfill our spirit and body, and our Joy makes our Consciousness complete. This strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness is what we are; this Consciousness around which all Life was created, but in our quest for survival we lost our Joy. We no longer remember what Joy is, and until we find it and once again make it our own, we will continue to face the savagery out there that crept into our space like a cancer, where those who touch us are devoid of finesse, dignity, maturity, class, and self-respect, where you are proud and at peace with who and what you are.

Our Joy takes us to a new level, where we rise above the pleasures of the seen and unseen to represent what we are. This state is unknown to the Beast in the seen and unseen, where it places us the Innocent where we belong, and from there we may grow and blossom unto ourselves.


None of us in the seen and unseen have Joy. I believe those in the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis have Joy, by knowing where they are, where they were, and too where they are going from this most splendid place.

So what do they have that we don’t? Let’s find out and make it our own, as this what we are that we turfed a long time ago to forget about.


Do not underestimate the power of intent, where you know where you are and where you should be. No door can hold you back because you are merely walking to where you belong, but first we have to be, and in order to be we need to reclaim our Joy.

Go within the stillness of the silence, looking for this that you are, and here we lose the “I” so that we may once again become complete, where from this vantage point we may see and know what we lack. Just remember – it’s about baby-steps, where slowly but surely we will get there.


It’s what I thought to be true: Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. To use our body as a representative of Consciousness, the Joy of Consciousness would be found in its “eyes.” What we saw made us Joyous, and what we saw was the Infinite that was everywhere. Some would call this Joy in our eyes the sparkle/twinkle therein, and they are correct, and this is what our Consciousness lost and forgot – that twinkle of Joy within its “eyes.”

How did we lose it? I would say when we knuckled down to survive. Now there was a job to be done – a serious job – where our survival shut off our Stars within.


As said, the Infinite is all around and within us as this is all there is, but this Beauty we cannot witness and be without our Joy.

Where did our Joy go to when we turfed it? Like a used rag-doll we dumped it in a trash heap, making us blind to what is real and natural, and where our Joy settled was somewhere beyond the illusion. It looked and searched for a place where it may belong, and this was never found, and that is super-sad – really sad.


Call forth this that you are now. Call, and your Joy will hear you and once again return to your existence, as that is what you are. I feel mine returned to within me, as is yours.

Now you are Beautiful, where you see the Beauty/Infinite everywhere.


Now we begin to Live, and my goodness me, it’s about time.

10:56 AM 16/3/2024

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Let’s say you have a beautiful pipe wherein crystal clear water flows. Imagine that pipe and water therein to be the natural state of Consciousness.

When we lost our Joy the water stopped flowing as it should, and roots began to grow within the pipe, where now, where there should be clear water is just invasive roots.


Earlier on when I felt the Joy return to Sophia and Semiramis, this Joy went from the eyes to permeating their whole forms, and when this Glow filled them, one felt what was there that should not be. It felt like ingrained roots within them being loosened, and from there falling away to leave their space.

On the level of the illusion the same was felt.


The foundation of what we were was taken over by a Darkness as soon as we lost our Joy. This Darkness became the building block for shit to happen in the illusion, where from this platform you can now do what you want because you can.

The point to make is we were going nowhere until we found our Joy.


Don’t laugh when I say may this be the last.

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For the record, what drove Queen Semiramis insane? The answer is pain.


Every day for the last ten years or so I go into the space of those who can help, but for the moment cannot as they have been floored by the dense frequency of the analytical illusion into which they fell when we fell in this place when our pondering illusion took a turn/fall for the worse.

Some may call this prayer, where I connect to those that Love us, albeit with a twist, where I don’t ask them for help, but rather I know they are floored and need our help, so I connect to The Wisdom Goddess Sophia and Queen Semiramis and others to help them so that they may help us.

And so, bit by bit the layers of the onion are peeled away so that these Goliaths may set us free. As has been said, we have always approached this “help me” scenario arse about face, where we ask for help, not understanding that those we ask actually need our help. And this has been my job – to help those who have been floored by the illusion so that they may once again stand on their feet to help us. Always I have known that we need help, where we cannot do this alone, but to be helped we first have to help those that can help.

To understand what has just been said you need to understand that in Love there is no hierarchy. You walk into your home after a hard day’s work and you are glad to see your children as they are you. You created your children, but when you see them you are humbled by the Love between you. There is no going down on the knee and looking up to the one in front of you; there is just Love, when you connect to a Creator or whoever else as there is an understanding that you are them and they are you as Love is Infinite and all-encompassing.


Yesterday evening went into the space of Semiramis, and what was felt was an injury to my right foot, just above the ankle and covering the entire foot. With this injury came pain – serious pain.

When things began to go tits-up here in the analytical illusion, Semiramis and Sophia heard and felt this wave that rippled from this place we created, and I can only assume that when Semiramis came to help she must have fallen into this enfolding cataclysm and injured herself.


It has been said in the journal that Queen Semiramis positioned herself behind the Glow when it was shown to us after our fall, where we now looked up to her to lead the way Home, rather than looking at the Glow itself, and I would say she was not insane – just seriously compromised by the pain that constantly wracked through her system. She could not think clearly, and this was the case, not insanity. Her intentions have always been good, and once again, we cannot judge until we see and understand the big picture. When I was in her presence as my body lay in bed sleeping, what was felt coming from her was Euphoria, as in a presence that is unknown to you and me. I mentioned this whole going down on the knee nonsense earlier on, but as I felt her presence I bowed down to this awe in front of me, where truly this is greater than me, and this humbled me to be in the presence of such Beauty.

What I never knew when I met her was the pain she was in. What I did know was this lady takes no shit. I saw her in Human form, where she proceeded to pull off the limbs of those who had stuffed up. That was the pain she was going through that drove her mind over the edge, where if you don’t listen now you feel, but through all of that what was at the centre of her was the awe of the Infinite which she was.


What needs to be understood here is this broken/injured state of Queen Semiramis touched all of us, where her pain that led to irrational decisions affected us all, and this had a huge contribution to our broken status, where somewhere deep within us we knew that the one we looked up to was in no position to help. This floored us, but more importantly, what touched our Queen touched us, where her pain and instability became ours, and this most certainly widened the crack in our broken status.


What happened to The Wisdom Goddess Sophia?

On Friday afternoon we went to watch a rugby match between two universities. A few speakers were placed facing the stadium where we sat. Throughout the whole game loud music was blasted into our faces. It was so loud I could not hear the person sitting next to me as they tried to talk to me.

You go and watch a rugby match and you are blown away by loud music throughout the whole game. Of course after about ten minutes we had to get up and leave, as what should have been an enjoyable experience was one that rocked me, where the spiritual and moral decay within which we are drowning showed me its ugly face.


The same happened to Sophia, where the fall within this analytical illusion floored her and kept her down. In reading the synopsis of John Lash of The Fall of the Wisdom Goddess Sophia, the story of this journal begins at the very beginning with Sophia exceeding her realm and falling. The impact of the fall created the Serpents, and all was still Good and pure. From this impact zone the half Dragon half Serpent of Semiramis arose and she saw the Beautiful place Sophia had created for her Dragon spirit children. Queen Semiramis too wished for such a Beautiful place for the Dragons and Serpents to play in, and through her imagination she created the illusionary Garden.

We know the story from there, but the point to make was Sophia falling from her realm rattled her, so imagine what the fall done to her when the analytical illusion that our Consciousness created fell.

When the journal began and there was a storm of attacks by the cosmic assassins to take me out as I was not meant to see those within the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, I took a real hammering night after night. They fucked me up, and it was only a question of time before I would fall. One night I saw this lady lying on what looked like a metal grid above me. All she had strength wise to help me was to roll over so that she can look at me, and from there she dropped some of her spittle onto me to help me. That what I saw was The Wisdom Goddess Sophia, and believe you me, she was incapacitated from the frequency of this hell-hole.


Last night as my body slept my spirit was taken to some place. There I saw a patient – this man from a different world. He was in a bad way, as in he lost his mind. When his attention was elsewhere I gave him two slaps in the face to bring him out of his delirious state.

From there I was standing in this classroom with others. One by one we were told where to go and sit. I was the last one allocated a seat, which was around a table with three other females from another world/dimension. The female who was in charge who told us where to sit then came and sat at our table as well.


What was that all about? It means we are being sat down and help is coming our way. And this is what I have been working towards for so long, where those that can help are now in a position to do so. Believe you me – we all need help, even if it’s just a smile from a total stranger, where in seeing them you know they care, which means you are no longer alone, because somehow, somewhere out there someone cares about you and me. And that changes everything.  


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Allow me to repeat what the shaman Don Juan Matus said to the writer Carlos Casteneda. No doubt you have read this passage before, but it’s important that you re-read it again so that the journal may be seen from a different light other than what Steven has experienced. This is what Don Juan said:


“We have a predator that came from the depths of the cosmos and took over the rule of our lives. Human beings are its prisoners. The predator is our lord and master. It has rendered us docile, helpless. If we want to protest, it suppresses our protest. If we want to act independently, it demands that we don’t do so…… indeed we are held prisoner!


They took us over because we are food to them, and they squeeze us mercilessly because we are their sustenance. Just as we rear chickens in a coop, the predators rear us in human coops, humaneros. Therefore, their food is always available to them.


Think for a moment, and tell me how you would explain the contradictions between the intelligence of man the engineer and the stupidity of his systems of belief, or the stupidity of his contradictory behavior. Sorcerers believe that the predators have given us our systems of beliefs, our ideas of good and evil; our social mores. They are the ones who set up our dreams of success or failure. They have given us covetousness, greed, and cowardice. It is the predator who makes us complacent, routinary, and egomaniacal.


In order to keep us obedient and meek and weak, the predators engaged themselves in a stupendous manoeuvre – stupendous, of course, from the point of view of a fighting strategist; a horrendous manoeuvre from the point of those who suffer it. They gave us their mind. The predators’ mind is baroque, contradictory, morose, filled with the fear of being discovered any minute now.”


Yesterday evening as I felt the System begin to unravel, what I felt and saw was a huge communications tower. But what you see is never what is there. As the top layer of this structures mirage image fell away, what was seen behind this false frequency was a huge Serpent. And if I say huge, it was huge.

There this Snake was, merely being. It’s role was to connect to the Reptilian mind within us, thereby creating an enclosed frequency band within which those within the Reptilian frequency of the illusion may come out and play. Remember, where these Reptilians dwell is on a different band to ours, so our frequency needs to be compatible to theirs, hence the antennae/Reptilian brain within us connecting to these huge Serpent towers. It was unbelievable to see a living frequency tower, where this Snake (I am sure there more than one of them) connects to what is within us to keep it alive and close to home, as well as to form a frequency band compatible to those that feed off of us.


Last night as I slept I saw myself in a dungeon of sorts whose floor was made of sand and boulders. Next to me was a creature I cannot explain. It was the size of a Great Dane dog and looked like a dinosaur, but its most noticeable features was that it was old and malnourished.


So let me ask you a question to see how clever you are: If we the spirit and body form are an illusion, and we are in an illusion, and only Consciousness is real as it was derived from the Infinite, then where is our Consciousness?

What I can tell is what I saw in that prison last night was your Consciousness and mine. We are all imprisoned. The humaneros that Matus describes is the coop wherein our Consciousness is kept locked up.


When I saw myself and this Animal next to me, what I also saw was the presence of the condensed Darkness of the illusion. It was like the imprint of a solar system hanging over me, where this dense, horrendous frequency of our hell had been tattooed  upon our form. It is this fucker frequency that I believe to be holding our Consciousness down.

So let’s go into the frequency state of the Consciousness that I saw last night as I slept to set it free – to set us all free.


Where is Consciousness kept?

Movement is felt in my left eye, which represents the illusion. The outer bottom rim of the eye sways to and fro, and then this border opens and a huge portion of what was in the eye leaves the illusion and travels down to settle within my cheek. So what they done was remove Consciousness from what we know as the illusionary realm, where the prisoners were within their own encampment so that we within the illusion may never know our true identity and have contact with it.

That is all good and well, but what I want to know is how did they hold down these children of the Infinite? So we zoom in on these within their own separate island.


And what I pick up is nothing. In scanning the area, there is no one there. As we know, that is bullshit, but fair enough, when you want to hide something you have to make it invisible. So what keeps Consciousness invisible, and what holds it down?

The area between my left knee and foot diffuses away, and this area becomes wrapped round and round with a tape of sorts. Now the left foot is pulled into a different frequency, where what it connected to is no more – a new frequency band is now connected to us. This new bandwidth goes no further than our knee, where I feel it being knotted there. Now the foot is returned to the original essence it was attached to, and this essence goes as far as the knee and then stops due to the knot there.

So they temporarily plugged us into another frequency, stopped the natural flow through us at the level of the knee, and then routed us back to our natural flow, which could now not flow through us as the flow was dammed at the left knee.


That made Consciousness invisible to the Infinite, where we could not be found because there was no current flowing through us to highlight us.

What about that tattoo I spoke about earlier?

Now that we were isolated, from the Infinite as well as our own, we were theirs to play with. As I sit here I feel this flow of essence rise from beneath the left foot, going up to the left knee, and from there falling back to the left foot and beyond it. We that is Consciousness were deprived our connection to the All, so we became a shell absent of what we were. Man oh man, how cruel can you get! Just as in Love there is no hierarchy, so too in Evil there is none, where the whole System falls to the detriment of all – the good, the bad and the ugly. And that is the stupidity of Evil, where first and foremost, you destroy yourself by the deed you committed. What you just done was deliver a death-blow to yourself, and on the way back to the Infinite you see this. And now you weep.


What about that tattoo I saw? Where is it upon Consciousness? It is located above the left knee. It is the knot that tied off the essence of Consciousness so that this essence could no longer reach its form, and this was our prison cell – the emptiness within us from the natural flow of the Infinite not touching and filling us as it should.


I’ve got an idea – and I think it’s a good one! By knowing what happened to Consciousness to keep it a prisoner unto itself and separate from the All, which included you the spirit and body form, let’s undo this the work of the stupid. Let’s untie the knot at the left knee to return Consciousness to its original form, where it is one with itself and the Infinite.

This is done now.


What is amazing, is a frequency pulse goes off at the knuckle of my left thumb. This must be the alarm of sorts, which shuts everything down when there is an attempted escape.

Now I feel no energy coursing up and down my left leg up to the knee and down again, and I feel the re-route past the left foot, and from there the knot at the knee is tied again.

Clever. Clever. Clever. So where is the back-up system to keep the doors locked? Somewhere to the left of my chin, in the middle of nowhere, I feel a clockwise circle. This is the control tower that keeps the prison of Consciousness operating. Let’s blast this fucker to smithereens now to make it null and void on the equation.


And there the flow of the Infinite goes up past the knee into the form of Consciousness.


What I have just described is the raw state of Consciousness that we that are Consciousness are never allowed to see. What we saw as ourselves was an illusionary mirror, where in this mirror we saw that we were okay and we have got this, where Life and us have everything under control. Never did we know of our prison and detachment from the Infinite, and that was the name of the Game, where make them believe they are on this – where they are in charge and guiding the ship as it should be to safe waters.

Wrong! You were riding nothing. You were kept in a cell you never knew existed. You were alone and you never knew this. And this prison cell you have been in for a long time.


As the essence of the Infinite flows into Consciousness it “burns” Consciousness, as what should be is now foreign to us, so slowly – bit by bit – this that we are returns to us.  


May this Golden Child rise up from its prison and be. What comes to mind now is me remembering being transported to a place as a prisoner, and seeing myself as a shadow of my former self. At this place where we were located to we were made to walk around this stone, and what this done was made us equal in the sense that what happens to me happens to all of us. That “stone” was our programming device, where now we that were Consciousness were now plugged into a programme. From the Infinite we were detached, and from there plugged into a programme of “live and learn and evolve on our way Homeward bound.” Reincarnation was created, where round and round we go pumping energy/food into the System, all the while believing we got this. Our vanity fucked us up, where more than anything, I am right and you are wrong, so this gives me a right to destroy you and those you love. From there these Beasts in the seen and unseen debased themselves, where they needed no excuse to destroy. They done that now just because they can – because they don’t care, and this is okay to them.


We have been living in a Hell, believing that if we keep trying we will get there, never understanding that our true form is locked away from us, itself and the Infinite

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With Consciousness free of its prison, it returns to the left eye, which is representative of the illusion. From there my whole body, and not just the left eye becomes filled by the presence of Consciousness.


What I never knew, was that the illusion with all the worlds/dimensions/frequencies therein was merely a stage for the production of Life to be played out. Therein was the seen and unseen realms, as well as the Reptilian frequency at the illusions core. So ask yourself from where was the production orchestrated, and who was the director of the show?


What I feel moving around my chest area, and from there it moves to my left eye to look what is going on inside of there, is a creature that moves with an S-shaped movement, as a snake or fish would move. If our eye is say, an inch long, and that represents all the worlds within the illusion, this creature must be at least four inches in comparison, so understand the size and might of this one that sees and uses the illusion as a playing field for itself. How many of them are there? I would say a lot, and I refuse to put a guestimate on the number because I don’t know. What I do know is they shift from one reality to the next with ease, so now you see them and now you don’t.

What are these creatures? But first let’s ask, within the illusionary eye, how does the seen realm feel? This pressure is felt all around me which slowly crunches my body up.

How does the unseen realms within the illusion feel? There is more of a constant here, with little pressure on the brain and the chest area.

How does it feel beyond the illusionary eye, in the place where these creatures move?  It’s like you sitting in the middle of a broken couch, and now the couch is uplifted, which raises you from where you were sitting. Now you see and know the all, and you feel euphoric. If I can describe this place, it would be the dwelling place of the gods, and who these gods are, must be the ones who foresaw the fall of the analytical illusion and took refuge, so when the dust settled after the fall they came out of it unscathed. Had we not fallen in the analytical illusion we would be in this euphoric state as they are. So these creatures/gods used their intellect wisely to avoid a catastrophe, and from there cashed in on the fallen ones to feed from them so that they may survive in this place that they chose to call home.


I would like to go into the space of these creatures to understand them, and what I feel is this moving, powerful force that bypasses the heart space and lives in the head region. It is a Snake, because I feel its tongue always flicking out, and now it settles within the brain/head area, where it calls home. Truly, these creatures know all. They know of the illusion, and they know of the Infinite within the heart space, and through all of this knowing they are at peace – because they are okay.


Why would you choose to stay in a place away from your true Home at the expense of others? The only answer that makes sense is the joy of playing god, where I am above you; where I rule over you, and this makes me joyous. As Matus said, we are egomaniacal, but this describes these creatures to the T.


So in the left eye is the cage wherein we dwell, and the rest of the body is the frontier for these creatures – Serpentile gods. Beyond the barrier of my body is the Infinite – it is there; it is always there, and I see and feel these creatures note this heart space and swim around it. So any time they want, they can return Home, but choose not to do so as they like playing with those in the ant farm in the left eye.


Is Consciousness free of these fuckers? From the corner of my left eye Consciousness is felt moving towards the boundary of the body, where it cannot penetrate the boundary that the gods set up there. So we go into the presence of this boundary wall to see what is there, and all that it can be, is the reverse of what the Infinite is, as Consciousness is repelled by this unnatural presence. This wall was the final fool-proof barrier to keeping Consciousness confined within the space of these gods. What is this wall made up of?

The density into which we fell within the analytical illusion they compacted to create this wall, where from the heart space we moved to the head space, and from here this density was compressed even further. So what you do is fill this wall with the presence of the heart space. You go into the stillness of the silence, lose the “I” and become the all, which you now naturally are, and then you just be. If you try, this requires effort, so you go against what you are, where now you doubt who and what you are. So just be. Touch this wall and merely be, and from there move through it, because remember, it is just an illusion – it is not real. Don’t doubt yourself. Just be.


All it is, is a shift in mindset, where you think you are here and have to be there, and you cannot get there. Actually you are everywhere, so see no wall and there is no wall, where you create what is within this analytical illusion through your heart space which you are.

And with that understanding you ignore the wall in front of you that was there merely for intimidation and to doubt yourself, and you go to the heart space within to merely be Home.


That is when the boundaries of my body falls apart, as do I, where I disappear into nothingness to be surrounded by the All. Are those creatures still there in their dwelling? You bet they are, but the ants have left the ant farm to return Home, so now there is nobody to play god over.

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7 hours ago, steven geldenhuys said:

Allow me to repeat what the shaman Don Juan Matus said to the writer Carlos Casteneda. No doubt you have read this passage before, but it’s important that you re-read it again so that the journal may be seen from a different light other than what Steven has experienced. This is what Don Juan said:


“We have a predator that came from the depths of the cosmos and took over the rule of our lives. Human beings are its prisoners. The predator is our lord and master. It has rendered us docile, helpless. If we want to protest, it suppresses our protest. If we want to act independently, it demands that we don’t do so…… indeed we are held prisoner!


They took us over because we are food to them, and they squeeze us mercilessly because we are their sustenance. Just as we rear chickens in a coop, the predators rear us in human coops, humaneros. Therefore, their food is always available to them.


Thanks for this quote Steven. It's been a very long time since I read Carlos Casteneda, so long I've forgotten passages like this and the clear links to what David Icke talks about. 

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The implanted dream was about ten seconds long and was disgustingly crude – real sicko’s.

Woke up from the dream to see the one who had implanted it standing over me. He looked like a dignified statue, and in his hands he was holding the tail end of rats. These he lowered into my spirits brain, where I saw the face first of these rodents as they came closer and closer towards me.

There must have been about five of them within the confines of my skull cap, and there I felt them nibbling on my brain as I lay in bed trying to sleep.


When I call out the names of my animals for solace you know I am rattled.

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