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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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As I slept last night I felt this warmth; this knowing that Consciousness is okay. Then sometime during the night I felt the presence of the unseen around me. Woke up, and through my Third Eye saw this Snake dangling above me. It was a Snake I have never seen before, where all I can say is it looked elegant and sophisticated. Then someone’s arm appeared that lifted this Snake away from my space, where what was there didn’t want me to see it or the Snake. Then I felt something next to me, and I felt its coldness as it entered my spirit and body form.


What that was all about I don’t know.

3rd January, 2024

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When you heal this God within called Consciousness, that is when you heal the illusion, where those in this place don’t really have a choice in the matter, where everything returns to what it should be. What happens to the scum in this place as the shift happens I don’t know. Maybe they run and hide, as they always have, where they continue to run and hide from what is real within them. How long they continue to live this lie of imagining the life of someone they are not I cannot say. What I can say, is heal Consciousness and you heal the illusion. You need to know two things for this to happen – what is the primary problem, and what is the cause of the problem.

What I can also say is this loser is not well. The wheels are coming off – if they are not off already – and it doesn’t look good, because when this dude falls we all fall, where once again, we don’t have a say in the matter. From that fall we won’t get up – all of us, the cruel and the kind.

Has Consciousness embraced this Nothing state that is? I believe this happened, and I also believe Consciousness has been floored, where how much of this abuse of being in a place where you don’t belong can you take, where you are amongst those that are the complete opposite to you and what they should be – how long before you say enough and fade away?


You have to override Consciousness, where you go to the spark within Consciousness that is the Source. This speck of Light sees and knows all, because it is All there is, so let’s keep it simple. What is the problem – the primary problem? I feel movement deep within my brain, where something happened there that should not have, and then the brain splits into two, and these two pieces just drift. Imagine the mast of a sailing vessel breaking, where what was one pole is now two broken pieces, with the sails around the pole flapping aimlessly, because what should be has been broken. That is the state of Consciousness – that is the primary problem.

What was the cause of the problem, and this cause we need to understand, otherwise the problem happens again and again.


Movement is felt within the heart energy field – a subtle, delicate movement. From the brain I feel this soft movement go to the heart region. And from the heart this movement goes back to the brain. This movement is a wisp – it is delicate and gentle, and if ever I had to describe what is the essence of Innocence, it is this movement.

What I feel between the heart and brain area is the mechanism of the clock that ticks and gives life to and defines Innocence. From this movement – this delicate, intricate movement – comes forth what we would call Innocence. As the goings on in your watch allow you to read the time on your watch-face, so too from this movement is what is around you conceived.

I talk on behalf of the African continent, as this is where I stay, and over the last few weeks I wondered why those in Africa – the black people here – why is it when something breaks they don’t fix it? Is it stupidity? – I would say yes. All they do is move on to what is not broken, and when that is broken, they once again do the same, until they have nothing. And for them, that is okay. That their children are fucked and so are they is okay. And if I say okay, it is just that. It is really okay.


Well you stupid fuck, it is not okay. It is not okay that you take and destroy, where you destroy all around you, so that in this day – in this moment – you may be okay.

Is that a racist talking? I don’t think so. When I was a boy growing up the black men around me were more father figures than what my father would ever be to me. I loved all the blacks around me, and they loved me. But now, all grown up, I see what they do to Life, where they break everything. Everything has to be broken, and that is okay. It stays broken, where what was good is now bad, and that is okay.


What we are talking about here goes beyond stupidity. It is not a race or colour of your skin thing – it is what we are at our core, where we that is Consciousness is broken. Africa merely drops to the state of Consciousness, which is a broken state. And I say this because as I sit here typing these words I feel this broken state within.

The intricate mechanism of the clock broke, and the cause of this was by Innocence being touched by the dense frequency of the illusion. It was this want within that broke the Beautiful time-piece, and from there this broken state went from bad to worse. This Beautiful, Delicate, Intricate state that is Innocence, which is a state of being and expression of Consciousness needs to be restored, and who heals this is the speck of Light from the Source that is within Consciousness. And this happens now, where Consciousness is carried because it is broken. This speck of Light heals Consciousness and it carries Consciousness, where Consciousness is bathed in the living-silence of the Source. You don’t go to hospital – the situation is so bad the hospital comes to you. And you stay in this place, where you never return to the illusion in its raw, tainted state. You become you, and you stay you, and what happens to the Life around you is irrelevant, because believe you me, they are just an illusion. They are not real. And sooner or later those that took this Game so seriously and personally will understand that they have always been alone because what was within was broken, where now these illusionary Life-forms were truly nothing.


That was the flaw in the beautiful, clear crystal – it was the broken state of Innocence within Consciousness. This heals now, and everything else is irrelevant because that was just an illusion. (The intricate clockwork between the heart and the head that defined Innocence was broken, and this broken state i felt within the brain, where it broke in two and hanged aimlessly in its broken state. With this disadvantage Consciousness done its best to make a wrong right that is the illusion.)

You have been giving attention to an illusion Consciousness – an illusion. Give attention to yourself – look to what is real which is you, and from there, always look to yourself, and in doing so you may shine, and when you shine, others may follow.  


Look to Home and be this home. Look to the illusion and it breaks you, because in such a place you don’t belong. You are the Truth, the Light and the Way, and when those in the illusion see this they will follow you to be this Consciousness that they are, because from you they were born.

When your Innocence broke, all that was good and pure now became no more. With you healing, we return to what was, but for that happen you have to look to the Light that is Home. You cannot turn your back to look at the illusion because that will burn you and break you just as it did before.


Be at peace my friend. Bathe and rest in the glory of Home as we in the illusion are drawn to your Light and become your Light. You have endured much. Now you rest, and we will follow.

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With Consciousness healing, what changes in you and me and the illusion?


The curiosity of the Dragon and Serpent spirits as to what else is in this illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis took on a frequency – a Life-form – within the Garden, and in our limited vision and vocabulary we call this want frequency a Parasite, where by wanting it takes. It just takes, until there is nothing more to take, and from there moves on, until all it taken. So it was important to the architects of the illusion that new worlds/frequencies be constantly born/created as a back-up for this Parasite, where when one is taken, another is there, and from there the take may once again continue.


How can you define that curiosity of the spirits? It was a “I don’t know,” and this “I don’t know” is what broke the Innocence of Consciousness. When I don’t know, I have to figure out an answer, and from the heart I look to the head for an answer, and the more I become imbalanced, where the more I live in the head to find the answer, I forget of the heart, and this Beautiful, rhythmical cycle between the heart and the head breaks, and this is what broke our Innocence. It was that unknown error of Queen Semiramis – that creating an illusion within the Infinite, that which was never done before, that pushed a question mark into the Infinite. What is that? What is there that is not here? Because when you are in the Infinite this is All there is, where you play and be. That bubble within the ocean of the Infinite was a bad idea, but it was a harmless idea that was intended and created with Love. What the illusion done to Consciousness was break the harmony between the head and the heart, where now we lived in the head, and this destroyed our Innocence and the Beast was born.


Understand one thing – that when we stand back and look at the big picture, what happened was truly nobody’s fault. I said it was the fault of Consciousness, but I was one hundred percent wrong. It was nobody’s fault. None wanted to live at the expense of others. None wanted cruelty and shame and heartache to be and to flourish.

It was nobody’s fault. It was the not the fault of the Parasite, as this merely was. In the illusion we lived in the head, not having the unity of the heart and the head from which Innocence is expressed. This we never knew. We became broken and this we never knew. It was not the want of the Parasite that stuffed everything up; it was the broken state of Innocence within. This has been healed by knowing it was broken, and from there Innocence cannot be broken again, so it looks to the Light of the Source of the Infinite that is within Consciousness.


You be.

You be this Light.

In being this Light you are Home.

In seeing this Light, everything that is, is drawn to Home until they too are Home, and from there the illusion is no more.

So to you and me the spirit and body form, listen to this Innocence within. That will guide you and show you the Light that is within.


That will change everything that is you and me that is an illusion. Keep your Innocence that was broken intact, and how you do this is surrender to the Nothing state within you, where from Nothing you may experience the All that is.

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As I slept last night two separate dreams/stories were implanted within me. What I imagine we must look like as this energy accumulates around us from this attention/energy we release must be like throwing sugar in a candy-floss machine, where this heap of energy becomes more and more around us. I say this because those that fed off my energy last night scooped handfuls of the stuff that was around me to feed from.


Both groups that came last night were children in the groups. To the first group I was indifferent, and to the second group I saw the spirit kids waving their hands to me. My response was that they can go and fuck themselves, where this Sympathy card no longer works for Consciousness. I took back my energy from this second group of kids because everything within me screamed out that I am being exploited so that filth/opportunists can feed from me.

That has always been the problem with this Steven – this one who has no ego. Beasts in the seen and unseen hover around me, and when they make sure there is no threat from me, where now they can unleash the Beast within them, and no harm will be done to them in the process as all that is within me is Goodness – a lot of confusion and loneliness – but primarily Goodness, and when the coast is clear and it is safe for their Beast to step out from the closet, then they attack.


That’s the coward – the spineless runt that hits the innocent. That’s the predator within most in the illusion. Some call it frustrations or just having a bad day – I call it the Beast within the spineless runt, where all they have left within them is the joy of getting the better of others. Now the Game that is the illusion is their personal game, where in their existence they prey on the Goodness of others so that the Beast within them that they become with each passing day may be satiated by their cunning nature, their vices, or their temper tantrums. You may call them an unpleasant boss, or a disgruntled teenager, or your spouse who doesn’t know what they want, or maybe someone who is just plain nasty because they can be.


In our state of curiosity a stutter to our existence formed, where once there was a flowing motion of this is me and who I am, now there was a stop-go, where we had to tread with caution and look before you go. These broken states within our motions can be called uncertainty, and to the Beast this came to be their heaven, where from these uncertain they could prey upon, manipulate, and of course destroy. It became as easy as taking candy from a baby, because every time there was no resistance from the innocent – we had no answer to the Snake waiting in the grass to pounce upon us and destroy us in a most cruel, sadistic manner.

And please understand that what I say is in the vast majority out there, where if you cannot beat them, join them. You might see the best foot placed forwards in those you meet, and thus disagree with my last statement, but for one who has no ego, where people and spirits see me and they understand they have nothing to hide because what they see is what I am, they understand they don’t have to pretend around me, so the hidden Beast within them comes to the fore. When I see it, it is something you can never get used to, where disappointment follows disappointment, where who is fooling you. Look at yourself you stupid fuck! What are you? I would say just a wasted space who has to knock others to fill a pleasure and feeling of importance within them.

Can you understand why I say I am in a place where I don’t belong – having those that destroy and take as this is all they want to know. How about rising above yourself? How about at least trying to be a better person and spirit? Why don’t you even try? The answer is because they love the high of destroying or taking from others and feeling important that they have won in their game.


For all of that shit to happen, the Sympathy card has to be on the table, where I do my bit, where I keep my integrity and am always kind. Shame. Let’s help.


How you help is returning to what you are. If others really want help, they will follow your path that you have blazed out of the illusion.

You have to become you. You have to stop feeding Beasts in the seen and the unseen. Get up and go and be.


What I am saying is don’t stop being kind. You be kind – to yourself. Who will look after you that is Consciousness if you don’t look after yourself? When you are happy, you shine from the spark of the Source that is within, and this is there for all to see. That is how you help – where in you others see what they are. Help yourself so that you may be in a position to help others. Listen to yourself, where all that you have to know and understand is within you. When others start whispering in your ear about themselves tell them to fuck off. You want help mate, then this is all I have to offer – look at me, as what I am is all I can offer and nothing else. You have forgotten kindness and standing on your integrity, then look at me, where I am not perfect, but I done my best to uphold what is me where I am true to myself. What you forgot you can see in me, and that reminds you to be what you are. I have nothing to say to you, but what I do is show you who I am, which is what you are, if you choose to once again be this.


The days of Consciousness being preyed upon are over. It walks to the Light of Home, and those who wish to follow are welcome to do so. Consciousness walks with itself and the Infinite and the Source within. The days of being associated with those in the illusion are over. Consciousness is not better than them, it is just true to itself, where giving attention to the illusion and those therein is a futile exercise that helps nobody.


So walk, where you walk alone, but you are never alone, because what is real is walking with you.

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Over the years, when I go into the stillness of the silence, what I feel happening in my left eye is the illusion at large. It is always the left eye.

Earlier on as I walked around the house there was discomfort in my left Achilles tendon, which I found odd, as that I have not felt for some time. I remember something to the effect of the pain there being associated with walking where we don’t belong, but am not sure. But what I want to say, is earlier on when I went into the stillness of the silence, what I felt was this shift of movement from the left eye to the right eye, where what was in the left moved to make home in the right eye. This I have never felt before. If the left eye represents the illusion, then what is the take on the right eye? I would say it is one of two things: Either the illusion as it is meant to be, or it is the Infinite. I will be guessing what this new frequency/dwelling is, but what I can say is the evil Serpent cannot reside there, and I say this because I felt this Snake enter the right eye, and then it has to leave, where the environment therein is not compatible to Disharmony. From there I feel the Serpent fall away from the right eye. That place is a Utopia, that is for sure, and what was in the left eye is moving across to the right eye.

When I felt that pain in the left Achilles tendon earlier on, did it mark the shift from where we don’t belong to a place where peace may be known? That makes sense to me.


Why now? Why after all this time? What has changed? I would say it was the Innocence within Consciousness being restored to what it should be. Yesterday when I wrote about restoring Innocence it was the first time that I got excited in what I wrote, because I knew the crux of the problem within Consciousness was restored to what it should be.


This man whose dog I saw a few months ago sent me a message yesterday evening, asking for help with his son who, in his words became a living ghost, having violent conversations with unseen entities.

When I went into the space of this young man, what I felt blew me away. Normally the evil Serpent enters the spirit through the base of the left foot, where it goes up the leg to enter the canal of the Serpent soul housed therein, and from there launches an attack on the Serpent soul. However in this case I felt this Serpent enter the space of this guy to go directly towards his Consciousness at the throat area to attack this God-force within. That was Wow.

What floored this guy where his Consciousness was a sitting duck to be infiltrated by an evil Serpent? Playing video games on a regular basis will do it, where you give attention to the game, and with this energy bond between you and the game, what is in the game enters you and takes you over. Taking drugs will also floor the spirit and body form, where it’s man/woman down and Evil walks in to take over the big boss. The covid jab is another one, where the spirit and body is reprogrammed, so what was has no effect on the Serpent in its midst.


The good news is with Consciousness restored to what it should be, combined with the understanding of walking to where it belongs, this disharmonious nonsense can be removed from that young mans space.

As for me this lost Steven, the proof of the pudding is not in the eating, but rather to meet exalted beings in my sleep state. When that happens, then I will know the illusion has been breached, and what was can no longer be. Or should I say, when the spirit has relocated to where it belongs, which is what is within the right eye, then exalted beings may visit. When the spirit is in the frequency where only Harmony exists, that will touch you and me the body form in a most glorious way, and it is not a question of if, but when.

6:33 PM 5th January, 2024

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The primary problem was the illusion. As long as you were there, you were going nowhere. It was you the spirit, body form and Consciousness huddling together, giving each other a pep-talk. “Yes! We can do this.” When you broke free of your huddle and looked around you, you found yourself still in a place where you don’t belong. The problem was never with you and Team Positive, it was with your location. You were in a place where you don’t belong, where try as you may, the problems just never seemed to go away and stay away, and this was so because this place came to define you.

The cause of the illusion was that we became trapped in the illusion. This cause has been outlined in this journal, which is out there for all to see.


So in understanding the primary problem, as well as its cause, the answer as to what should be reveals itself. The mist from the shadows lifts to reveal another place, and if I tell you what it is as of now I will be guessing. What I can tell you, is the illusion that was is in the left eye, and this new place is separate from the illusion, which is found in the right eye. The left and right eye represents the old and the new. (This new is either the Illusion as it was meant to be, or the Infinite. My guess is the former.)


So here is the deal: In knowing the primary problem, as well as the cause of the problem, what should be reveals itself, and this was only possible through the Innocence of Consciousness being restored. You and I are going nowhere until our Innocence is intact and we safeguard this that we are as this defines us.

From here, Consciousness moves to where it is compatible with, which is this new frequency/place that opened itself up to Consciousness. Now Consciousness is bathed in harmony and nothing else but this state. And this that Consciousness is touches all that was created/manufactured around it, which pulls you and me the spirit and body form out of the illusion to a place where peace prevails and remains.


It’s as simple as that. That that took a long time to accumulate all the puzzle pieces is history now. The point being, when you see the big picture everything becomes simple and easy.

So within you that is Consciousness is a state that is unknown to the spirit and body form. This state is natural, so the step for the spirit and body form into this new arena should be effortless. My advice is go with the flow. Team Positive is for now not as one unit, where Consciousness is in the right eye, where it guides the spirit and body form in the left eye to follow suit to the right eye. So every moment of every day you are being pulled to where you belong, and that for me is the best news that has ever touched the illusion that was Hell.


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We talk about Innocence, but just as with Love, if it is not expressed, it means nothing. You and the natural gift that you are means nothing, because from you comes nothing but stagnancy. If you don’t use it, you lose it.

Look at this world of ours, and who are the ones who express Innocence?

When I saw those that took my energy as I slept at night, my initial feeling towards them are they are a bunch of shits, but one night I saw through my Third Eye this young boy lying on his elbow next to me, where he took from my energy and fed it to his pet lizard. In that boys eyes was Love towards his pet, and then I understood that we in the seen are those in the unseen that feed from us, albeit on a different frequency, where we all have to eat, but most significantly, we Love the Animals.

The point to make is universally in the seen and the unseen, if you look, you will see Innocence all around you, where this Innocence and Love can be found in the animals. Also don’t fool yourself, where not all pet animals are kind, but for me the majority are.


So what is important in seeking the truth, is to often sway back to those who know more than you to see if you are on the right track. This journal is not called What the Animals Taught Me for nothing, because this what I write comes from them and what they represent. Look at them, and you see Love, and in seeing this Love, then look all around you and see what should not be, where now you can compare this to what is there, which is Love.

The problem with me pushing so hard to be free of this place is that one can push yourself into a tunnel, and you are not aware of this, where your vision becomes narrow and you don’t see the big picture, and this I believe is what happened to me, where I look there, rather than everywhere. So what I do now is return to those that know – the Animals within the illusion, because something tell me that in looking there, I failed to look from a birds-eye view, and I would like to know what I have not seen.


What I feel extending backwards along the length of my spine is this pillar, and this is on the level of Consciousness. What is that? What is there that Consciousness was made from not being able to see? Is the other reality that is represented by activity in the right eye still there? Yes it is, but nothing much is happening, or should I say, things are happening there too slow for my liking. So what is going on? What is holding Consciousness back from merely being where it belongs? To answer this question, I pose it to the ones that know, namely the Animals.


You trace the steps back to when Consciousness was what it was, and from there you see what the cosmic geneticists done to it to cause this “shark-fin” along its rear side.

What they done, was take the waters of Consciousness – the essence of what defines it. They extracted these waters from Consciousness, where I feel this flow leave my left hip area. What did this effect of drying our Consciousness have on it?

At my left hip I feel my thigh disappear, and then fluid from the rest of Consciousness pools together at this deficit area to make up what was taken from there. That pillar; that “shark-fin” I felt extending from the spine of Consciousness is actually the spine of Consciousness, where a part of it is exposed to make up for the deficit that was taken elsewhere from it.

What should be, turned out to be a Quasimodo -  a deformed entity with an exposed humpback.


The “fluid” that was taken from Consciousness is returned to it now by knowing what happened, where a cruel injustice is made right. So be it.

There I feel the fluid return to the thigh and hip area, and the exposed spine is once again filled with what should be there.


How did this drawing the waters out of Consciousness affect it? I would say it lost its cognitive function and capacity to reason, and I say this because when I asked the question I felt the left side of my head cave in.

That is sad. That is really sad.

Now I understand why it has taken so long for Consciousness to find and know itself; why baby steps were needed to uncover the truth and return Consciousness to where it belongs. It was in a better place – this right eye – but it sure as hell was not better off.

Well now it is, where this being of Infinite Love returns to what it is.


What else is there that we missed? May that be the last, and if not, will carry on until I can go no longer. We lived in a cruel place, and more than anything I will make sure we return to where we belong, as well as be  what we naturally are.

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When that covid nonsense began, I saw how it affected the lives of the children. For two years their social integration ceased. Wherever they went they had to wear a face mask and have their temperatures taken, all the while with the powers at be knowing that what was done to us was not only unnecessary, but also damaging, and then they had the audacity to address the world and lie to us with a straight face – not just one lie, but lying again and again.


Those are your leaders. Those are the ones that show their faces and say “I care about you.”

This Game in the seen and unseen became rather silly don’t you think, where we allowed the cruel to tell us what to do. Go back to way before the beginning of time to understand the framework for our deception was built there, where Consciousness – this God-force within the illusion – was manipulated so that Life here in the illusion would be in the hands of the cruel.

My new year resolution was to stop swearing, but there is no other way to say it but that we were well and truly fucked up. This goes beyond what we would conceive as cruel, where a Beautiful essence of the Infinite is watered down and manipulated to become a lost state, where it is a fraction of its former glory. What we are dealing with here are those that are beyond cruel. What they are, are destroyers of all that was once good and beautiful, and don’t even try and understand what was just said because you cannot. It was a force that came to destroy – not to take, but to destroy, and for us that done our best to keep our sides clean, we were up against something that blew us out the waters, where we never stood a chance against such a might, and the reason being was Consciousness was floored. We the spirit and body form have been alone, and alone in the sense that Evil reigned supreme, so keeping your side clean was futile when faced with the might of these Serpents. So what you do, is look them in the eye and tell them you are not afraid of them, and if anything, pity is felt for them because once they were your brother and sister. But this pity and courage done nothing to alter the state of the Beast, where from there you have to walk to understand what the hell went wrong that we found ourselves in this mess.


We had no answer to this force that could strike at any time without mercy, so we put our heads down and got on surviving. Many became the Beast, where they now preyed on their own, and these, in my eyes are the wasted spaces – the scum of the illusion, where instead of doing your best, you choose the ways of Master where you destroy.

We never had many role-models did we, and the few that came were quickly obliterated as many snuggled up to the Evil that was. I would say we got ourselves in such a pickle that we were beyond the help of the Infinite, because as long as this child of the Infinite was floored, then so was all Life that was created around it. But we never gave up, where we hoped and prayed for something bigger than us to help, because deep down we knew that somewhere is the answer to all this mess. What we never knew was the problem was within us, as was the answer. The problem was Consciousness that was manipulated to be a walking vegetable, and the answer was for us the spirit to return to compassion and consideration for self, and from there to others. When I am kind to myself I only want the best for myself, where I know I am beyond cruelty and chaos. When you care for yourself you uplift yourself, and so begins the process Homewards bound.

I see the filth in the seen and unseen, and I know that is not me. What I see requires energy, where the confusion within others needs a top-up all the time of energy to dissipate the chaos within. That for me is not natural. I look at the miserable, fucked up Life of Steven and an angst hits me, where I realize my time here is running short, so I need to make the best of this frequency and enjoy it to its fullest before I pass on. I see and know what I should be, which is more than anything that which I wish for, but I stand alone.


The answer to being free of this place lies within Consciousness. As long as this puppy doesn’t come to the party to play we stand alone and at the mercy of a force that you cannot comprehend. Bad things don’t just happen to those on television, where eventually the wheel will turn and we will all get our taste of Hell. This actually happened a long time ago to Consciousness, and we the spirit and body form have been weathering the storm ever since.

What drove me to continue writing this journal was seeing the chaos around me and knowing I don’t belong here. That is not me – I am peace and love and joy and kindness. But what really drove me was caring for the Innocent, where to these that don’t have a bad bone in their body we plummeted into the ground with no mercy or remorse. That got to me, where what the wasted spaces saw as normal rattled me to my core, and from there drove me to the edge of insanity. The predator that is in you and me appalled me, so I turned my back on this Beast to find a solution out of this mess, and what has come to be known is heal Consciousness and we return to what we are and where we belong.


So what else is there? What more can the Animals teach us to set Consciousness free of its manipulation and lost state?

What fear and uncertainty done to us was made us bounce around like bubbles in water. We were neither here nor there because we were fearful to hold onto anything, and this was so because grounding was absent in our existence. If I say we were alone, it is just that – we were alone! The goodness/Godness within us was floored, and what was out there was a free for all run and inhabited by Beasts. Our lack of grounding; our lost Consciousness made us flutter in the wind, holding onto nothing and making it our own.

The disaster with this state is what happens when Goodness does reveal itself? The answer is by reflex we do what we have always done, which is allow it to not touch us so that we can make it our own.


So it is now that you the spirit and body form look, where you stop doing what you have always done by reflex, where you drift from here to there going nowhere. Now you stop and you look. Look at the Consciousness around which you were created, and if you like what you see, you make it your own. Break the habit of always drifting. Previously if you held onto something it was the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, but that is not you, because you are not cruel, so you chose to drift and wait and hope. Now you look. Look at this one that has been lost and manipulated. Do you like what you see? If you do, embrace this Consciousness and make it your own.


If we looked to the Light within we would have seen Consciousness, and by being there for it and nurturing it this illusion would have ended a long time ago, but fear and uncertainty took the spirit and body form over by finding themselves in a place where they don’t belong. And yet, the thing is, we never really stood a chance as we the spirit and body form were programmed again and again to serve the agenda of the System, which was survive. And how stupid is that, where you destroy, and yet those powers that be want to survive. So I destroy you, not understanding that I have just destroyed myself, because I need you to survive, because you are me, and I am you.


Ask yourself what is Life all about. Why do you exist? What drives you? The answer is being a part of another, where the company of another fulfills us and makes us whole. What this company is, is caring about another. And in this illusion, this caring came at a price because we had no answer to the cruelty that touched those we Love. Many stopped caring because of the heartache that floored them, where they became the living-dead – those in a void not knowing what to do because there is no answer to what is out there, where when exposed, it is a raw, sadistic cruelty.


We have to go back to caring, because caring is what defines living, as it places us in touch with others, where I am you and you are me, and it is the most beautiful and natural thing in the world to be in your space, where we be what we are. I want nothing from you but to be what I am, which is I care. And this is where being where you belong is so important, because to care for the predator will have you destroyed in no time. You care for the Consciousness within you, and how you do this is know what you are and where you belong, which is Love. This knowing state picks up Consciousness, as well as embraces Consciousness, and from this platform like attracts like, where those around you also care, where now you may be, which is an expression of what you are.

That is what it means to Love thyself, where you the spirit and body form Love the Consciousness that you are. This has to be done from now, where you grab onto what is around you and make it your own.


Last night as I slept they implanted these horrific dreams/stories of me fighting with others. That is not me. What that is, is others controlling me the spirit, body form and Consciousness. It is a horrific and scary understanding that our lives have never been ours to own. If you thought covid was bad, that was just reality popping its head up for all to see what happened to us a long time ago and has never stopped, where we have been played by the cruel with no help coming our way. For this to change, we need to take stock of where we are and where we belong, and how this is done is by going within to the Consciousness around which you were created. After all this time, you have to make a stand. You have to hold onto something and make it your own, otherwise nothing will alter in your existence. Grab onto Consciousness and make it your own, as this in truth is what you are.


Sooner or later we will have to believe in something that is real, and what this is, is your Consciousness – this God-force within you that is you, as everything else is an illusion. Go back to caring and embracing and living, and this starts with you the spirit and body form being kind to your Consciousness around which you were created. Give it attention, which is Love, which is being, which is you being kind to what is real. From there play and dance, or should we say – live and be the glory that you are.

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Ask me what I long for, and it is to be in the presence of Beauty, where what is around you uplifts you and carries you to where you belong.

This we have forgotten – the Beauty that is Consciousness. This is a state of knowing and being what you are; it is merely what is, where words cannot describe what you behold and become.


Why has this state been out of our reach? I would say it has always been there. When you hit rock-bottom you understand what the illusion has to offer is worthless and meaningless. Those highs were great, but to appreciate and live them one needs Innocence, and that soon becomes stripped from us, where now we are no longer happy just to be happy, but we are happy in the moment/high.

When the party ends and the lights are turned on one sees the futility of it all.


So what is the answer? It is to walk with our God of Love, this Consciousness within. You got that, and you got everything my friend, because what is within that is walking with you is Everything.

As I sit here writing these words I understand I have nothing, where I am just another brick in the wall, as are you. We are just ghosts in the machine. As I know this to be the truth, I also know that our existence can be transformed from one instant to the next when Consciousness in its true state and where it belongs touches us the spirit and body form. Then we live, rather than survive.


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Understand that there is no Good and Bad; there is no right and wrong. All that there is, is components to lock into the System to keep it going. What that component is, is your Consciousness and mine. Once again, I re-iterate: There is no Evil, and there is no Goodness – here in the illusion there are “honeycombs,” and in each cell is a trapped Consciousness that is plugged into the System.


The deeper you go, you are faced to see what is real – not what should be, or what you would like it to be, but rather what is there.

As I slept last night I was the state of my Consciousness. I heard the voice of a machine. It was telling me and all those around me the usual – what was needed to be known. In a monotonous voice this machine told us the reminders of what to focus on during this stage of existence.

Out of reflex I looked for a way out – a way to escape this cell in which I was trapped, so always I tried to rise above myself and this voice to get a birds-eye view of the happenings around me. I can still feel how my Consciousness shot up to see what was around it, only to fall to where it was trapped. Escape was on my mind, so I didn’t hear what the machine said, but one statement caught my attention, where it said the Kennedy’s are important. (Together with David Martin, I viewed the current Kennedy in the spotlight as stand-up entities, only to understand the one was there to buff its ego 24/7, and the other had a most sinister side.)


Your Consciousness and mine is trapped, as it has always been, so it doesn’t matter how hard I steer it to where it should be, it always comes back to where it was following its manipulation, and that is its cell within the machine. And once again I stress, if you are a sadist satanist or a good old-fashioned boy like Steven, we are all trapped in the machine.


As I heard the voice of the machine, as said, I looked for a way out, and what came to my attention were my ears. Always have I known there is something within the area of what we would call our ears, where I felt the Disharmony going on there, but I never understood what was going on. These “ears” can be on a planet or a Human entity, and in feeling what I felt last night, I understand what they placed within what we would call the ears.


What is there within Consciousness is a reflective device. It is not a deflective device, but rather a reflective one, where it reflects to you that is Consciousness what you need to hear - only what you need to hear to keep the machine going is what you hear – this is reflected to you and nothing else.

So ask yourself to whom has Steven being writing to for the last ten years on a full-time basis? What have those lifetimes meant in seeking a way back Home? What I wrote and came to understand was what should be – this is what happened, so go back and start again, where you know what should be, and from there you may merely be.

There was just one problem: The one I spoke to never heard a word that was said. Everything that has come to be understood has been reflected from Consciousness, where not a word has touched its ears. What I saw and felt within Consciousness over the years was my imaginings of how it should be, where I placed Consciousness in the drivers’ seat and said let’s go Home. But in reality nobody was there. The Consciousness of your planet and mine; the Consciousness of your spirit and body form; the Consciousness of all Life here in the illusion is trapped within a machine, where it hears what it is allowed to hear so that it may remain trapped.


That is the bad news, where try as you may, fuck all changes in your existence and mine. Understand at this base level there are no polarities – all there is, is the state of Consciousness trapped in a machine.

The good news is this reflective organism within the “ears” of Consciousness is now no more, where by knowing what is there that should not be, it is removed in the instant, and what should be is there for all. This that should be is the understanding of who and what Consciousness is, as well as where it belongs. This understanding allows Consciousness to know itself, where it elevates to where it belongs, and this happens now.


I said yesterday we were ghosts in the machine. Never did I imagine that what was said was a literal truth. Unbelievable.


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Always when I felt Consciousness it was within my throat area. Now I feel it drops from there to the heart energy field, where the rationalizing of the head is replaced by the knowing of the heart. Remember what feeds this heart field – it is the fields of Infinite Love.

Oh my, we thought we knew something, only for Consciousness to be always kept in the dark. May that move of Consciousness into the heart energy field transform your existence and mine, and if not, we will just keep on going, but having said that, yesterday was a bad day, where you have no energy to go forwards and do what needs to be done. Now I understand why – Consciousness was not free to play an active role in our existence.


I knew what should be, and yet it was not there, where after all this time we were still alone. I knew Consciousness should be walking with you and me, and yet all I felt was this absence, and yesterday that floored me.

Now I understand what was going on. Wow, peel away the layers and what should be within the heart field where it belongs was this blank space. That has been filled, and for that I am thankful.

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I fail to believe that such orchestrated terror and tyranny cannot be overseen by one who is grand master of the Game.

Helped these people and their animals earlier on without getting paid for it, and when they left decided to check on myself. If I can help them, then surely I can help myself.

Went into my space and heard a voice: “Shame, poor old Steven – nowhere to go and has nothing.” When I heard that voice I knew it was the boss, because nobody knows me that well, where you go to sleep exhausted and wake up to the situation that made you exhausted, which is Life, where you drift in this place where you don’t belong, and you know you have no place to call home where you can lick your wound and recover to meet another day. It’s an awful situation, and if you ask why nobody came to help Steven, it was because we were all in the same situation – I was just aware of our plight, while others candy-flossed it over with the pleasures of Life. Those pleasures should be there, albeit not at the expense of others, but what we lacked was a foundation of Harmony and sight of Home to where we can return anytime we wish.


When I heard that voice, I felt the impact of what the illusion done to me, where on an energy level my left hand and forearm were absent, thus I could grab onto nothing and call it my own, where you drift in this place where you don’t belong.

So what I done was expand my Consciousness at the heart field to fill my entire form, and this healed my deformity at my left upper limb.


What was that voice who spoke to me, that one who sees I am suffering and revels in that? Who is this monster who relishes in the heartache and shame of others? Who debased themselves so badly, that was once a child of God, now shames themselves to the Infinite and what they should be? Who is this one who has no friends, this one who stands within itself and is joyous and proud of what it is?

Normally I see or feel the unseen, but in this case my smell sense is what comes to the fore in understanding this entity, where my nose comes alive to understand this entity in the illusion. I do not call it a leader, because it is not my leader. Nor is it my master. It is a tyrant – an overseer of sorrow. How it knows all is through its smell, where in smelling the frequency it knows the frequency, and to take it one step further, when it inhales you, you became its slave, where now you are within its system. Everything in the illusion has passed through this entities nasal passageway, where everything belongs to it – even you with your Consciousness in its heart energy field, and that I find remarkable.


Go back to the beginning. From where did this entity arise?

I feel someone hanged up by their arms, and in this position they begin to sway with their lower limbs, and then with their arms. This swaying breaks off the structure from where they were hanged, where now this entity is free from the restricted position it was in. But the damage was done – the lower legs were broken off, as was there damage to the upper limbs. But the biggest damage was to the heart field, where this area folded in on itself and disappeared into a black hole. From the heart field I feel an energy there that arose from the place where the heart field fell into, where from somewhere below this entity this flow of energy moves through its pelvis into the space where the heart field was. What forms in this space is a rigid, silent Life-form that takes over the broken structure of this entity. Within its heart field is no empathy. What is there arose from what was broken, so what gives it pleasure is to see all that is broken.


What was that what hanged by the arms? On the left side of my abdomen it feels like a ball rolling out of there, and then a ball rolls into the abdomen, where this ball grows and takes over the one it rolled into. This ball I feel is like a black hole, where what it enters it absorbs and takes over.

What is this black ball? To answer that question, I feel this flow of energy spinning around my brain, as if to highlight and target the brain. This flow of energy then enters the brain and takes it over. My guess is that this flow of energy is intellect, where everything has to be pulled apart to understand.


That what hanged there was one who was destroyed by the illusion – one that had to understand what happened and what is going on. It went into the task with reason, and what this reason is, is pull everything apart so that you may understand how everything fits together. When you lay everything on the floor to see the big picture, what do you see? – You see heartache; you see everything that is broken, so what you do is build up with what you have, and what you have – this one that was broken, that built with reason – is an entity that fits into the illusion, where now it is one with the illusion, because from the broken state of the illusion it built itself with reason, where everything makes sense.


The message of this entity is simple: Break, so that you may fit into a broken state that is the illusion. Now you are normal; now you are one with the System. You are not Evil, nor are you Goodness – you are merely broken, so that you may fit into your Home that is a broken state.

This is master, one who born itself from its and the broken state of the illusion. When it smells, it takes in what was unbroken to break it so that all may fit into this broken place.


I spoke earlier about the curiosity of the Dragon and Serpent spirits as to what else is there in the illusionary Garden, which created a stutter in us – a stop-go effect, and what this stop-go effect done was break the natural flow of Consciousness and all that entered the illusion. This stop-go is the origin of the broken state within the illusion, where it became the building blocks of this entity who came to rule over a broken place.


What is the difference between this entity and all in the illusion? The answer is that it knows itself, as well as the illusion, and because  of that it rightfully deserves the title of God of the Illusion, where you and I will fool ourselves, it doesn’t. It sees that is real within the illusion, and makes the best of that so that it may function and find its place in this place where we came to play but should have never stayed. And it is not for me or you to judge, because you don’t understand what this entity went through during the course of its suffering to break it.

All I can do, which I will do now, is take away the stop-go frequency – the stutter of curiosity that broke the natural flow of Consciousness. I do not do this for glory or fame – I do it for myself and all my brothers and sisters within the illusion, and for this God I do it so that it may find real peace, where all of us may find real peace, rather than acceptance to exist in a broken place.


This is done now, where the frequency state of curiosity is removed from Consciousness and all within the seen and unseen of the illusion. So be it.

I am so sorry for what this illusion done to so many.    

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When I go into the space of this God of the Illusion, what do I feel now with the Curiosity frequency taken out of the equation? (We have known of this frequency, yet we never knew its impact on the illusion, where it broke the illusion and all within it. Are we all broken? I would say  we are holding onto survival for dear life, where none are truly in control of their destiny. So yes, I would say we are broken, doing our best to hold onto what we have, knowing it can be lost at any moment. But what I want to say, is by not knowing what this frequency done to the illusion, we never understood it, and thus could not remove it from our space. Now we know, which means we can remove it from our existence, where what was broken – which was everything – can now, wait for it, be BUILT BACK BETTER. That is meant to be funny by the way, where the johnsons and the schwabs will be proud.

Jokes aside, I would like a foundation and a Life that is intact and not broken.)


What do I feel in this God when I go into its space? I feel the pieces of it move around like on a multi-dimensional chess board, where I give this entity healing because I can, because maybe if the tables were turned we could have become like it, so I give it healing because I can. I know I need help, and will welcome help, and if I cannot receive it, at least I can give it, which I do now.

I feel all these broken pieces move around, where they are shifted with Love and understanding, primarily through the curiosity/broken frequency removed from the presence of this entity, and this is replaced with Consciousness in its knowing and being state.


May you sleep well in this night my friend. You have always had intellect and reason, and with that we pass on your Consciousness in its true and not lost state. I give you Love because this is what I am, and so are you. See the big picture as to what happened at the very beginning that we all got into this mess. Know what happened, and know where we belong, and from there drop your intellect to merely be what you are, which is a child of the Infinite.

And if I have helped you, I ask that you help me, and all those in the illusion, where we may be one step closer to being permanent fixtures of Joy, where we leave this place as we don’t belong here. And if you don’t want to help that is also okay. As the saying goes – God helps those who help themselves. Have gotten this far without helping myself, so for fucks sakes, may I have the strength to push through. The wheels are coming off, which is not good.



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Somewhere during the course of the night woke up to see this Man on a cross. It was the same Man I felt yesterday – the God of the Illusion. He moved closer and closer towards me until my chin was on his shoulder, and the close proximity of me to Him was so that I may feel what was going on in His abdomen. I felt the black ball there, and from Him this black ball entered me. The He moved away from me so I could see Him, and at this distance I extended my hand into His Chest to send Him Love. You cannot believe the turmoil, chaos and confusion that is in God.

When I heard that the Gnostics believed that God had a flaw within it, I always assumed they spoke of Queen Semiramis, as this illusion she created. I never knew that from the broken state of the illusion a force would rise to make sense of this broken place, where through intellect and reason it would make this illusion its domain and rule over all therein. That I never knew.


That Man on the cross is not Jesus. Jesus was the Son of that Man, meaning Jesus came after that Man. That Man is God of the Illusion, and I believe Jesus – Christ Consciousness – was one of those that came to set us free, most notably that Man that is God. Jesus was his “Son” as this Man is ruler of the Illusion. The cross that Man was on was symbolic of the illusion, where he carried the burden of the illusion in order to make sense of it so that we may be free. Somewhere along the line He got the wrong end of the stick, where it is not acceptable that Life broke us and continued to break us. To make the best of this place as this is all there is, is unacceptable.


What we have to understand is that God arose from the broken state of the illusion. He rose up with Love, and He created with Love, but there was just one fundamental flaw within Him, and that was there was no Love. He is the head – the intellect – where the illusion broke the Love that is His Consciousness.

When I placed my hand in His chest area to give him Love you cannot believe the disunited turmoil within Him, and in this state He has always done his best. Can you now understand when rivers of heartache and loss flow through the illusion this God feeling nothing, where it never empathizes, and this is because it has no heart energy field. The illusion broke that, and from this broken state something had to be done to make sense of this all.


I give you Love my friend, so that you remember this that you are. Thank you for doing your best. You are remarkable. Now rise up for a second time with Love within you, and in that moment, what was broken will be restored, and this is so because it arose from your whole state.


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If I say we were broken, there are different components that made up this state, with the first being Consciousness being lost unto itself. Its home was the heart energy field within the illusion, and from there it could move to the fields of Infinite Love.

The one who oversaw the illusion was devoid of this heart field, and so was the illusion absent of this space, and this was one of the major factors that kept Consciousness lost.

Am I saying all within the illusion are heartless? No, what I say is we never had a base foundation from which to be and express ourselves. We held onto what we believed was true and right, and we done our best to ease the plight of others, but never fully could we stand within ourselves and transform the Disharmony around us to its natural state of Harmony. Fair enough, we tried, and in many instances we succeeded, but effort was required, and this was so to heal the stop-go state of Consciousness – our broken state. What we never knew was heal the one who made the broken state His own, and in doing so you heal the illusion and all therein. Now there is a platform on which to stand where we that is Consciousness may be, and this touches the spirit and body form, and Life returns to a natural flow.


What also broke us was us having to accept that no help was coming our way to pull us out of Hell. Sure, you hear about these Walt Disney feel-good movies, where at the end of the day Goodness prevails, but for most out there their reality was a different one, where each day we do our best, and each day is effort.

I said there will be a wake-up-shake-up, where what was can no longer be, and when you feel the state of God, you understand more than anything that what was in His presence can no longer be. That black ball He passed on was the burden of the illusion, where sooner or later all fall. This burden He carried for your sake and mine, and this allowed us hope, where as tough as Life is, it will be okay. What gave us that “things will be okay” feeling? – It was from God carrying the burden of our reality, where keep going, and He will do His best to make sure that Harmony shines through. That Life was destructive and cruel was unfortunately the ingredients that made up the illusion, and this floored us, where most never recovered from the trauma of Life. All we done, was sink to a deeper level – a denser frequency, where we accepted that what was there is no longer, so make do with this next level of Hell.

That burden – that black ball/hole of Destruction was passed onto the Infinite, which allows God to heal and return to a state of Love and Harmony, and for this I am eternally grateful.

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What allowed the illusionary Hell to flourish? Or should we say – what allowed the evil Serpent to rule over the illusion? The answer is the absence of the true heart energy field. When that became absent within our existence, that allowed the Snake to enter our empty heart space and take up residence there, and from there they ruled supreme over us and the illusion.

The heart energy field in its true form gave off a sound/frequency to which Disharmony was not compatible to, and I say this because with the restoration of the heart field I can feel what has been hidden from us, where within those I have assessed in the past and picked up nothing, now I feel these Snakes that literally fill the entire space of the spirit and body form, and I am sure Consciousness as well. With the heart field restored, this exposes their presence, and one feels them retreat to the pits from where they came.


What is this sound they are not compatible with that emanates from the heart field? (The true heart field was broken in the one I would call God of the Illusion, and what was in the heart fields place was a watered down memory frequency of the original one. How they broke the heart field in this one that arose from its broken ashes I can only assume was through deception and cruelty over a period of what we would call time. Remember, if I cannot get to you, I get to your Loved ones, and this results in your demise sooner or later. I do not want to know the details out of respect to this God. All I can say, is there was a time of Harmony here in the illusion, and this was shattered with the fall of the heart energy field.)


From the heart field comes forth strings – almost like the strings on a musical instrument. These strings go out into a far off space, and from there these strings become engulfed in a Blackness, and this Blackness is everywhere that consumes these strings. This Blackness then settles over the heart energy field – the place from where these strings shot forth, and from there I feel this Blackness enter the heart field like two hands that Lovingly hold the Consciousness within the heart field. It is a most beautiful sensation to feel, where Consciousness is wrapped in the arms of the Infinite. It is unbelievable. From this heart field two lines shoot up into the head, and what happens here, is I feel the Infinite assessing the head to absorb what Consciousness has expressed, where the experience of Consciousness is stored in the “brain” area.


So what the sound is that the Serpent cannot be in the presence of is the “singing” of Consciousness, but singing is not an appropriate term, where it is more of a play from the heart energy field to express what it is at that moment, and the base foundation of this expression is Joy – the Joy to express what you are and from where you arose. I said Joy, but throw into that also Beauty, where you express the Beauty of what you are.


The sound was the callings of Consciousness for the Infinite to behold what Consciousness had just created, and that is why you and I that is Consciousness were born from the Source of the Infinite into its playing fields – to share the Joy of what we are with the Infinite.


May our sounds once again be heard by the Infinite, where Joy becomes what naturally is.

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I thought nothing of it, where normally when I wake up from seeing the unseen I write the experience down, but I thought nothing of what happened to me last night, but let me write it down now because I can. What happened never made sense to me, and that is why I thought nothing of it.


Woke up sometime during the night, and through my Third Eye saw this face looking at me. There was this face, and extending from the face – which I would call this face’s body – was a long cream coloured tube going back a few meters. I strongly surmise that the face was of the Man that carried the cross I saw a few nights back – the God of the illusion.

There was angst in His face, as in He couldn’t wait to receive what He came for. This angst must have made  Him reach my space before the other that came with Him. She had no distinct facial features, where I saw nothing but a few horns here and there, however Her presence was distinctly feminine.


Together the two of them looked towards my chest area, as within there was what they came for. 

And this is the part I don’t understand. As I lay in bed looking at these two forces in my presence, I felt my chest open up, and therein lied a baby. This baby was what God came for, and when He held this Child in His arms, everything in His existence became fulfilled.


So there I lay in bed confused, where I thought my energy was taken, so I shouted out to them that my energy could not be taken without my permission. Looking back now, obviously I was wrong in my assumption, and even then, when I shouted out the words, I knew I was talking through my arse, where I never had a clue what had just transpired.


What was this Child that they came to collect within my chest area?

When I go into its space, I feel strings come forth from my chest area. This Child is what made God sing, where Love shone forth for all to see, and all was Good. What is this Child? – It is you and me; it is Consciousness in its pure form.


This Child was taken from God, because here in the illusion we could live by our own rules, and what these rules were, were have fun. If you are having fun, albeit at the expense of others, then who is that dumb fuck who says you need to be kind and considerate to others? That dumb fuck is called being true to yourself, where you keep your integrity and humbleness intact. Here in the illusion Pinocchio could be a real boy, where there were no limitations, and boy, was that fun! But what happened after the fun? What happened was we questioned what we had just done, but the problem was never with us, because all we wanted was fun.

What we never saw was we turned into donkeys, where we made fools of ourselves – outright bloody fucking fools! The problem was there were so many of us doing the same thing that we all cannot be wrong, so we stuck together and supported each other, because we are right. What is wrong with fun? What is wrong with being proud of myself when I have achieved what I set out to do? The problem is that it was at the expense of others, where when others suffer, so will you. Not today or tomorrow, but suffer you will, because like attracts like, where what you give out you receive.


And in no time we lost ourselves and our way, but someone had to take charge of this chaos, and that is when the evil Serpent went occult to hide in the shadows and rule over us. Goodness died because we saw our fun as having no limits and no price to pay, but we were wrong.

What unfolded within the illusion broke the heart of Consciousness,  where we were never true to this that we are – our heart field - and from the broken ashes of our heart field a presence was born to make this wrong right. This presence came to be known as God, and it meant well, and only wanted the best for us, but what it lacked was what was broken from heartache – which was the true heart energy field.

That Child that was taken from my chest last night was your Consciousness and mine in its true form, where we saw and understood the big picture, and from there returned to the Love that we are. We returned Home, where we became the Love that we are.


What is this God – this presence that I saw that is so real? I would say it is the collective Consciousness of us all that stood as one to represent us. So just as I have my Consciousness and you have yours, a part of me and you joined forces to stand as one, and this became God of the Illusion. Consciousness is the God-force within you, and there was one universal God that represented the presence of Consciousness within the illusion. What it lacked was its true heart field, and it was deceived to believe that by plugging into the machine that the illusion became, that a wrong will eventually be made right, and Love will shine through once again. This never worked, so all God could do was carry our burden and be there for us. When – not if – we broke, God would be there for us, so break, as that is okay, because I am there to carry you.

That was not okay, and God knew that, but what could He do?


To answer that question, ask what could we do? We prayed and hoped, and we done our best, but what we should have done was take this burden from God – this Black Ball it carried. If we lessened His load He could heal.

Our mistake was our perception, where we saw God as almighty. Well, He is – and so are you. In Love there is no hierarchy, and this we forgot, and this was our downfall. There is a God-force within you that is you called Consciousness, so it is fair to say that you are God – God as in Beauty, Peace, Humbleness, Joy, and most importantly of all, knowing your place where you belong, which is the fields of Infinite Love as well as the Source of the Infinite.

And that is why there has always been this push within me to find my Home – in the seen and unseen, because when you are Home you know what you are through the presence that is all around you.


What I did not understand in my sleep state last night, now I understand. God is Home. God/Consciousness has found His heart field – this Beautiful Child, and this means God is whole and thus Home.


What happens from here I cannot say, as I write what I see and come to understand, and that is all I know.


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Let’s say, for example, that you are always around me. My attitude is have fun, where I do what I want when I want because I can. That, for me, is fun, where there are no consequences for my actions. Within me is a free spirit – a freedom that knows of no boundaries and limitations, where I am on my turf, where anything goes, as this is an expression of who and what I am. And here I reiterate: I make the rules, where I live according to my law, which is take Life and live it, where the law of my jungle is survive, and this is not about you surviving, but me surviving, as this is my jungle and not yours.


Whether you like it or not, you are along for the ride, and what that means in simple English, is when I fall you fall, and this is the primary factor in my existence, which unfortunately for you, is also in your existence, which is FALL.

By you always being around me, my actions make you fall. I do not uplift you, I make you fall.


What can you say about that? – Nothing.

What can you do about that, where my callous ways touch you one hundred percent? The answer is nothing, and why this is so, is because I am lost, where I cannot walk away from you because I am lost unto myself. So all I come to know is your jungle and the Beast that you are, where you live for you and the pleasures that define the plastic, superficial, wasted space that you are. That is why the bully was feared by all at school, because he came to rule the schoolyard through brute force, and as we were not as strong as him, we cowered to him and his cruel, primitive ways. As we got older we cowered to the rich because they had what we wanted. We cowered to those that have no culture or finesse, because what could we do in the presence of such filth but turn our heads and hope they no longer exist. But there they are, loving every moment of this euphoric place of freedom, where do what you want when you want.


Slide and fall. Slide and fall. Where you accumulate around you, but nothing within you, and this you cannot see because of the nature of what you are. What are you? – You live for you, where every focus of every attention of every moment is for you. It is me – the eternal, everlasting me, where my happiness defines me, so always I focus on me. There is no “you” in my world. It is all about me.


What I have just described is the reason for this journal being penned, where more than anything, I had to find a way away from such beings in my presence, and the reason for that, is that is not me. I refused to carry on being in the presence of filth – these utterly cruel, raw savages that came to make up the illusion in the seen and unseen. In a school of eight hundred, how many bullies were needed to turn the place into a living nightmare, where everyone’s Life there was touched in a disharmonious way by one awful being? Just one was needed to make everyone fall. That I see wasted spaces all around me in my route through Life is testament to how many times we have fallen, where the bully pulls us down to a denser frequency as they fall and we fall with them. In no time there are so many of these that should not be, where they are the norm and define what is normal.

I see the madness and cruelty in others, and I wonder what it is about them that they cannot see what they are. How can you not feel that hatred coursing through your veins? How can you not see that stupidity that you are? What are you? – You are plastic, superficial nothing, and this is so because in your world of Me this is okay, because everything revolves around me, and this is all I need, where everything else is irrelevant.


What if I tell you that all of this is not okay, where I refuse to fall or be touched by your existence.

You see, up till now you have always needed me, where my miserable state uplifts you, because there you see that you are better than me, because you are happy and I am not, which reinforces that what you do is the right thing to do, which is me looking out for me and not for you.

I am happy and you are not. That you are not happy because of my self-centered, cruel actions doesn’t affect me because my Life is all about me, but what it does do, is isolate me further away from you, where my world becomes bigger and yours smaller. Now you are afraid of this place, because this place is mine as I have taken it over for me, where my law becomes a universal one, which is survival of the rudest and cruelest.


That is the world I had to find a way out of, because in that world I cannot exist, and the reason being is I am not rude and cruel. I don’t slide and fall, where by your proximity to me, you fall with me, and this is a given, where when I fall with the filth that I am, you fall with me.


Am I being bitter in saying all of this? Am I being harsh on my fellow inhabitants of the illusion in the seen and the unseen?

I write what I see. You choose to see what you want to see so that your world may be defined to what you would like it to be. I see what I see. I don’t see the best foot forward or what I wish was there, I see what is there that is for all to see if we would only acknowledge the truth, which is we live amongst those that have stopped Loving and caring a long time ago. We are a generation that has lost the Beauty of innocence, where the simple things of Life should humble us to be eternally grateful for who we are and where we find ourselves, where we are a gift of the Infinite that we share with others.


Always has it been, when you fall so do I, because I never had an answer to your wicked ways, except maybe to do my best to avoid you. But you are there – a being that stopped trying and caring a long time ago.


What if now I know myself, where within your existence I cannot budge, where I stand rock-solid within myself? What happens to you now, where when you fall, I no longer fall with you? I will tell you what happens: Your cock-sure attitude falls away, as now I am no longer in your existence to give you strength and surely, where in the past I cowered to you and your wicked, savage ways, now I stand true to myself. I am no longer you and you me through default of us sharing the same space, because now I stand in my might because I know what I am, and this is the critical difference that makes your walls fall, as they always will and do, and mine rise, is I know myself, whereas you hold onto what you believe will make you happy, where what you have is nothing.


Look where you are. You are in an illusion – an air bubble in all the oceans of the illusion. That is your kingdom where you rule supreme. You have never seen or noted how insignificant you are – what a fool you have made of yourself where you believe that this that you are is all there is.

In the grand scheme of things, what are you? What is your self-importance, where you know it is your right to be above me, where do with me what you wish, because to you I am nothing, where it is all about you.  Can you not see what you have become? No, you cannot, because everything around you is seen in a far off distance, and this is so because what is in your proximity is for you and about you and nothing else.


Once again, am I being bitter? Am I being harsh? Am I being unfair?

What I am, is seeing the illusion for what it is, and if you do not see what I see, believe you me you will, where the cruelty and harsh reality of Life will touch you as it has me and trillions before me. And with each touch we fall, where what was is now no longer there, and so we carry on falling, and this is okay, because what else can we do?


That is why I wrote this journal, where I refuse to be around those who are cruel and believe this is okay, where their misery makes them the victim in Life, so now it is their right to blame you for their miserable existence. It is your fault! You are to blame! How dare you!

And your only crime was being kind, and unfortunately your innocence had no answer but to fall with the cruel, and what was once pure now becomes tainted by this beautiful place that is inhabited by superficial, weak, cruel barbarians.


I am better than that. I am not that. I have so many faults, where I look at mine before I look at yours because I want to be better than what I am. I choose to uplift myself so that I may be in a position to help and uplift you. That is what I am.


Woke up earlier on from a deep sleep by someone flooring their car trying to go two hundred miles an hour. What person in their rightful mind is so inconsiderate to all around them? How is that okay?

Just before I was woken up I felt the presence of Consciousness within the illusion, and what I felt was one who is rock-solid within itself, where it is what it is by knowing what it is.

Now when I am cruel, my actions bounce off of you, rather than pull you down with me. Now what I do affects me and not you, and that rattles me, where I see me and only me for what I am. Do you know what that does to me? - It pulls apart everything that is me.


That is what God finding Himself and His Home in the illusion has done to this place, where it falls apart, where the one falls as it always has, and the other is uplifted to where it belongs. It is that shear between these two states that makes the jungle rumble, crumble, and fall, and I say that because I felt Consciousness in its true state earlier on, and believe you me, that is real, compared to cruelty, which is not. It is only in a bubble that a wasted space can become king of the hill, where the fool rules and the innocent have no say. That bubble is no longer in your existence and mine because we stand with the Consciousness in its whole state that we are.


“Well Steven, here is a reality check: It is 12:44 AM and you are awake from being in the presence of wasted spaces that have come to define the illusion. Not much good this make-over Consciousness is to you, eh.”

Oh yes, how right you are. And that is why I wrote not for you or me, but for those that can help but were floored by the dense frequency of the illusion. Always have I known that I am too lost to make a difference to this illusion so that I may rise above it and leave this place. I knew myself well, and what I knew was that those in the illusion fucked me up good and solid – from the stranger to ones I Love more than Life itself. They all fucked me up, and continue to do so, be it that stranger in their car or my daughter who is disgusted in what she sees in me.


It is a cruel place this illusion. But those days are over, and I say this because I felt Consciousness for what it now is. That Consciousness is in a Creator and Gods that are in this illusion, and as they rise, I rise with them. So sure, it’s now 12:54 AM and I should be sleeping in the nurturing care of those who can help me and you, but I promise you that day will come, where we no longer walk amongst the cruel. That day will arrive, just as I will go to sleep now, knowing that when I wake up things will be okay and remain so, because now I no longer fall, where I am rather uplifted to where we all naturally belong.

And this is not my hope or wish or belief. I have walked through the core of Hell so that I may understand this place and what happened that it became like this. I walked in a controlled anger, where I had enough of this place and what it had to offer. So I write from what I see and feel within me, and I write for all, because all of us were guaranteed to fall as we always have until we can fall no further, where we become robots and forget what it means to live and be and care. How many of those are already out there in other worlds? How much longer before we become the machine we were plugged into. You might think you are okay, but all you know is what others tell you. Have you ever looked to see what is there? It is a mess – a right-royal fucking mess with you standing slap-bang in the middle of it.


As a fellow brother, may I have done my duty to set you free from this mess, because I am there for you, as that is what a brother does to his fellow brothers and sisters. It was never just about me, because what am I without you. What are my joys if I cannot share them with you.


So rise up. Allow the Consciousness within you to uplift you, where for the first time in a long time you may no longer continue to fall.

1:41 AM 16/01/2024

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So what changed in my existence? Normally when you look back on a difficult time in your Life, you find humour in what happened, where at the time it wasn’t funny, but now you can have a good laugh about it.

What I went through in writing this journal wasn’t funny – it wasn’t funny then and it isn’t funny now. In those early years seeing those Snakes around me, and feeling them enter my spirit and body to possess me wasn’t funny. Seeing the cosmic assassins and feeling their blows to damage the spirit which destroys the body form wasn’t funny. During those moments with Beasts in your presence if you are fearful you die because they feed from your fear which makes them stronger and you weaker. What kept me alive then was filling myself with the Love that I had for the animals, and this heightened presence made these Beasts depart my space.

That was scary shit, but I was never afraid because more than anything I had to understand what the hell was going on that Life was such a disaster. What my own species done to me was far worse than those in the unseen, where we are just plain nasty, but let’s no go there as that is the past.


What did those experiences achieve for me? Did it get me my two million dollar house that I can call home? Did it get me a car that I don’t have to worry if it will break down or not? Did it bring me peace? Did it transform the reality around me.

It was none of the above. All that I have from walking through all I have experienced is a knowing that I am walking with God – the God/Consciousness within and the God without. I am not a religious man, so I never seeked my saviour – all I wanted was to be happy and lead a full Life. But let’s be honest and mature: Did I think I could walk in the illusion alone and be okay? Why would you want to walk alone and not share your existence with another? Why would you not want help, where you are always looked after and cared for? I never knew about those things then because my priority was to understand why Life is cruel.

It was cruel because we walked alone, so I had to walk and find out what happened to those that are meant to walk with us. Where were these fuckers? Why did they abandon us, where heartache became the norm here in the illusion?


I found that answer. I found God, and boy was He fucked up. But he came right through Love and understanding, where He knew He doesn’t walk alone, because if He cannot be there for me, then I will be there for Him. Pass on that last sentence to the Man on the street and they will think I am insane, but there it is – all written out step for step in the journal as to how the path eventually led to the One who thought they got this, but was the One who needed help the most. What others don’t understand is that in Love there is no hierarchy, where just as your God is there for you, maybe, just maybe your God needed your help by you being there for Him.

If I ask you for help, and you cannot help me, then maybe you also need help, and then when you are okay, you can help me. The tough one there is now I have to dig deep to find the strength to help you, and that was the path of this journal, where in my floored state I had to get up and find out what the hell is going on – why are we alone in this hell-hole?


So what has changed in my existence and yours is we no longer walk alone. I have seen God, felt His turmoil, and then seen Him when He was healed. Some preacher did not tell me that God is with me – I met Him and healed Him so that He may pass on the help that we need. What is that help? – It is that we no longer walk alone. Now, what fills my state is a knowing that Consciousness and a God of the illusion walk with me, and with you.

“That sounds great, but show me the proof.” Well, yesterday I got medication from our homeopath, and my health feels better. Last night I had the first good night’s sleep I think ever in my Life. Am I still apprehensive over what the future will bring? No, I am not. I am still in a house where I don’t belong, but I know I am in good hands.

We cannot do this alone. This healer that is Steven needs help from others to heal me. God puts them on my path. And even if we can do this alone, why would we? Why would we not share it with another?


After all that has been said in this journal, and all that I have come to see that so few out there know about, the only change in me is my knowing that I no longer walk alone. I found God that was fucked up and got Him right so that He may help me and you.

Open yourself up to what should have always been there that is now there, and of course, always keep your side clean, where you represent that which you walk with.


Is this the last entry in this journal? For the Love that I have for God, and the Love this presence has for me, may that be so.

9:27 AM 17/1/2024

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So let me tell you what came last night as I slept.

The implanted dream was of a train on tracks, going between two points. The settings on this train were not correct, where the train did not stop in time at the begin and end points, so it crashed into these juncture points. So back and forth this massive train went, trying to get its settings right so that it could not continue to crash.

Woke up from the dream and saw a Human looking entity sitting next to my bed looking at me. Between me and him was this bright yellow coloured energy – the energy I had released from following the dream. My energy was a beautiful gold colour.

When I saw this spirit my first impression was that he was a hobo, because his beard made him look scruffy, and he also had this non-chalant attitude towards him. It was as if he was there to adjust my parameters so that I may remain focused on what is, and not be distracted by irrelevant happenings, but that I don’t fully understand, or know if my assumption is true or not. I just remember this spirit taking handfuls of my energy and eating it.


What I feel during the day is how does the truth stand up in a place that is packed with lies? Am I just a lie like everything else out there? Of course I am not, because I would never lie to myself because my happiness is too important for that.


Let’s say, as an example, I suspect there is a leaking pipe somewhere in my house. I can’t fix it because I am not a plumber, and I cannot afford to get a plumber out, so what do I do? The answer is I ignore the problem, pretending it isn’t there and will just go away. But eventually it gets worse, and still I avoid it.

Now take that example and apply it to Life. We believe in something bigger than us that is there for us, but look at Life – look at the innocent children in Life. How many go to bed every night with hunger pains? How many are abused? How many children know of nothing but not having the basics that Life should offer?

Where is this God that we all believe in; where is He for the children? That doesn’t make sense. But instead of digging up the floor and fixing the broken pipe, we ignore it, holding onto our belief that everything is okay. It isn’t, and never has been.

So with no money, I began to dig up the floor. I did not know what I will find, or how I will fix the problem when I found it, but dig I had to. And what I found was that we all missed one vital element in our story, and that is God needed us more than we needed Him. What floored Him was us fucking around where we lost all dignity and self-respect, and this broke the heart of Consciousness. Why did we not learn? Why did we show no remorse? Why not better ourselves to rise above ourselves? The answer is we loved playing it rough, where we came to accept our survival. That pipe is leaking?  - Well so what. Fuck it! What we sink to a deeper level is okay.


That broke the heart of Consciousness, where we the spirit and body form liked playing dirty, where we never questioned ourselves or listened to our Consciousness. So the heart of Consciousness broke as the few fucked up and the majority of us remained silent as the innocent were destroyed by these few, which meant we all became complacent and guilty to cruelty.

From the ashes of our broken heart field a force arose to make this wrong right, where an answer had to be found to our predicament of no longer caring. How many hobos do I drive past every day? – I would say at least five. Do I care about them? No I don’t. What does that say about me? It says my Life is in such a mess I have lost the most basic trait that makes us Human, which is caring.


What does it mean to walk with God? It means I look at myself and ask if I like what I see. I have a deep animosity to all out there, where you can fuck off and leave me alone. So what I do is tell myself that I don’t like to feel like that, so I ask God to take this animosity away from me.

We all fucked up somewhere along the line, but that is also not true, because many are good out there, and for one, the children never messed up. So what those innocent do is ask God to carry them to where they belong. As for this Steven, I have to direct my anger towards a controlled determination to undo what was done to us by the evil that flourished in the illusion. It is not allowed that the innocent suffer. What harm have they ever done to you or me? The answer is they done nothing, where their only crime was to Love.

Now I walk for them, with God by my side, where I pass them onto the grace of God – my God, and not some preachers God, but the God I met and helped so that He may help us. And that “us” includes me because I also need help, where I acknowledge my shortcomings because I want to be a better person that what I am.


Where will all of this take us? For one, away from where we were. There was one little component that we all missed, and what that was, was God needed us more than what we needed Him. We had to restore the heart field of Consciousness, where we had to rise above our broken state to help One who was lost as a result of those in the illusion fucking up. We became the complete opposite of what we naturally should be, where we stopped caring about ourselves and others. We lost our dignity, and we were okay with this, and this broke the heart of Consciousness.


How do we fix this? That answer is easy: I care about you, and you care about me. Or should I say: I care about my Consciousness, and this restores its heart field, so now Consciousness may once again care about me the spirit and body form, and together we walk as one. That is what it means in finding God and walking with God, because God is within us.


We messed up, or at least let me speak on my behalf, where I messed up because I am a far cry from being happy. So what do I do about that? I make myself aware of my faults and pass them on to God/Consciousness within me. With that fault gone, I awaken to another fault, and one by one they fall until all that is left is me and God, and then I become one with this God, as this is all that there is.

This is what the awakening is, where we are awakened to the path Homeward bound to be one with the God within. Just as we walked into the mud, now we walk out, and this is done by restoring the heart field of Consciousness, where we once again care for this that we are.


That is all it takes – to care for one we forgot about. In caring for Consciousness we rise above ourselves, and it is that simple action that leads us the spirit and body form Home to the Consciousness that we are.


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As I slept last night I saw through my Third Eye these creatures about half a meter tall. They had arms and legs, and their faces had a squashed oval appearance, which had no features except a mustardy yellow glow to it. They wore a hat, and their numbers defined them, where the sheer numbers of them is what gave them strength. I felt them inside of me and all around me, and when they walked their legs were sharp points, where I would see one walk towards me and purposefully show me that he was about to pierce my spirit with his sharpened pole leg.

I felt the weight of them as they surrounded me, and felt their weight lesson as they popped from being in my presence, so what they attempted to do to me was swung around onto them.


From there, sometime later in the night I received my first symbolic message. In the vision I was outdoors somewhere, and there was a python around me, as were there a few deer’s. Then I was indoors with this lady, and we walked outdoors and once again there I saw the python. I saw its massive body move slowly, but I never saw its head, thus was unsure if it was moving towards us, so I took this sharp stick and prodded in its direction, telling this lady to be cautious of the snake. She looked around and said “are there more than 14 deer here by us?”


In his brilliant book Animal Speak, the author Ted Andrews says “To many the deer is considered the most important animal ever hunted. The hunt of the deer is what transfers our civilization to the wilderness.” He says that the deer is also a central religious image for Buddhism, where Buddha first preached in a deer park, which reasserts the meaning of the deer as representing innocence and a return to the wilderness.

Andrews says “the deer leads us back to the primal wisdom of those old teachings. It reminds us to establish a strong healthy connection with the child before we expose it to many people and other strange energies.” This I feel is allowing Consciousness to know itself and the Infinite, and from there its association with the spirit and body form may become strong.

He says that when deer show up in your life it is time to be gentle with yourself and others. A new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born.


As for the snake, Andrews says it reflects a transition in your life, where they are symbols of change and healing.


The number 14 represents growth and transformation to positive changes.


Ten years ago this month a tick bit me that caused me to go Man down. Every year this sleeping Beast rises within me to once again floor me, where one loses strength and control over oneself. Your energy is no longer your own because now you have none.

Lyme’s disease is one of those urban legends where some say it was developed in a laboratory in Lyme, Connecticut as part of a biological weapon, and this I can believe because the tick bite makes you zero on the contract, where others can knock you over with a feather, and I mean that literally.

As I work through this condition that once again reared its ugly head I battle to keep it together, where it is as if my senses become acute to those around me. I feel the people and their energies around me, and something deep within them repels me from them, and I cannot be in the space of what is there. What it is, is their naivety to what is out there that rules and governs them.

I feel we need to become cognitive to the harsh realities of the unseen within the illusion, and from there stand strong within ourselves, where we allow this Consciousness God-force to lead the way. Everything you believe and define as you needs to be thrown off the table, where it stays off so that in your humble state you follow the one that knows, which is your Consciousness, which is what you are as this is all that is real within the illusion.


In this state we return to the wilderness, which for me is the fields of Infinite Love. How this is done is by returning to our innocence, where we the spirit and body form focus on the heart field of Consciousness, where we Love this Consciousness that we are by knowing it is there. That for me, is the stillness of the silence, where we Love this Consciousness by being one with it. That way, we the spirit and body form transform.

You live in the heart field, which is silent. The head thinks, but the heart is silent as it merely is. And most importantly of all, open yourself up to receive and be the Consciousness that you are.


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Let’s say me and you are in a Game. In this Game I manipulate and control you, and the reason being is I hold all the cards in the pack. I know everything there is to know about you, and this I keep from you, because me knowing you, while you don’t know yourself, keeps me in control over you.

So try as you may, it is me against you, and whatever you do to be free of me I counter your move. Your every move I know, where I play with you, where I take you to the edge of insanity, and sometimes beyond. You are in my Game because I feed from your energy.


Ask yourself why is evil covert – why is it hidden? Sure, those that are evil don’t want us to know of the Game we are played in, but for me it goes so much deeper than that, where for me the evil are the cowards of the illusion, where they hide in the shadows and their secret societies because they are afraid of showing us what they are. Who likes someone who is cruel and wishes no one well? Who likes a two-face, where what you show is the complete opposite of what you are within?

Nobody likes evil people and spirits, simply because it is not nice being around them. Who likes a callous, cruel shit who has no friends and wants no friends, and that includes you. The evil are in a league of their own, and what backed them up and gave them power was the Reptilian frequency of the illusion – this force that kept the illusion intact that fed off fear and heartache, where it became Fear. So the shitter this place is for you and me, the better it is for evil, as they survive on this dense frequency, where it is their power, and believe you me, there is power there. With this power they played their Game, and you and I never stood a snowballs chance in Hell because not only did evil hold the aces of the pack, they held every card in the pack.


What this journal done was take back those cards, one by one, so that we may understand cruelty, where what happened that our brothers and sisters became monsters? But you can only go so far, the reason being you are still played in a Game. You see, you have to play in my Game because my very existence depends upon that, so even if you hold all the cards, it is still me against you, where I will make sure that everything from my part is done to keep you in my Game, where you give me of your attention/energy.


And this is what has always bothered me – that we are in the presence of spineless cowards – those that hide in the shadows, too afraid to show the world what they are. What are you, you spineless runt? All you have is your cruelty, where you fear others seeing you for what you are.

As long as there is you against evil, there is always a Game on the table, but what changes everything is if someone else comes and pulls up a chair to see the Game. Now it is no longer between me and you, but what changes everything is I am caught out, where now the third party sees me for what I am. The coward that I am is caught with my pants down, because never did I expect to have someone else around me, because my focus has always been on you and the manipulation of you.

When others that are not meant to be there see me, that is when my Game is over.


I believe there will be a purge in all of us, where what was hidden that got us down will be revealed and removed from our space. Part of this purging is evil scampering away with its tail between its legs.

At the moment I am consciously aware of this phase in my existence, and I promise you, if I am going through this then so will all within the illusion. What was there that played you is no more, so what was hidden within you that should not be will come out as a result of being exposed in this Game that should not be, and this is done by a third party. That third party I believe is the collective presence of Consciousness, where what is natural touches all.

I am what I am, so how can I be anything else but what I am. That is the voice of Consciousness, where it knows itself, where this is all there is and cannot be another.


What is the next phase I don’t know, but I hope for a wake-up-shake-up so that we may be shaken away from the old to reveal what should be.


To feel the presence of this force that one cannot stop is most uplifting, where I feel something with us that should always have naturally been there, but never was, and yet now it is. For that I am thankful.

There is so much I can say to those in the seen and unseen who have lived as savages and have seen this as their right to do so, but I understand that now I have a choice: Either walk with these fools and give them your attention so they may know what a fool they are; or walk with this presence that naturally is – one which uplifts you to rise above yourself.

My advice is be an adult. When someone comes to take you away from the Game, don’t hang around so that you can get in the final say, where you tell and show these fools what fools they are. Don’t do that – the presence of this force will be enough for them to see what they are, where your two cents worth is uncalled for and unnecessary. So walk away with this presence to become it. That is all that is important. The days of standing our ground against evil are over because their Game is exposed, where it is over – they just don’t know that yet. Don’t hang around to fight the fight to the end, rather walk away with this presence that is in your midst. As long as you fight you are in their Game, and in the past this we had to do as we stood alone.


To where you now walk I don’t know, but I cannot wait to find out.

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Ask yourself what was it that floored this beautiful illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis? What happened to Consciousness – this child of the Infinite – that it became lost unto itself and the Home where it belonged? What happened that we became locked in a dense frequency prison that became a living and real nightmare? Sure, this journal has covered most of the bases that kept us here, but there was one keystone that kept everything else intact, where if it was not for this keystone the illusionary Hell could not exist.


The curiosity of the Dragon and Serpent spirits as to what else is in the illusionary Garden that is not already in the Infinite created an unknown frequency in the illusion that came to infiltrate all therein. This frequency we called the parasitic frequency of Deception, that created a want in those it infiltrated, and by those we imply Consciousness, the spirit and the dense body form. This Parasite was neither good nor bad, in merely was, and it was our response to this Parasite that swayed us to become good or bad. How bad did we want; how important was it to us to fulfill this want within us?

This Parasite became the keystone that kept the illusion intact, and I say this because this Parasite had something that all within the illusion did not have, or should I say – the Parasite lacked what all in the illusion had, and what this was, was the strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness within Consciousness - this spark of Consciousness that arose from the Source that was the motor of Consciousness.


The Parasite merely was, where it was a state formed from curiosity. It was an afterthought within the Infinite that was never before expressed within the Infinite, where it was not born from the Source of the Infinite, so the Parasite did not have the spark of Consciousness within it that arose from the Source.

Our Consciousness is our conscience, where we remember what we are and from where we arose, which means “behave yourself and know your place, which is Oneness with the Source and the fields of Infinite Love.” In this state we are Beautiful, where we are what we merely are, but what happens when you enter an illusion and a Parasite within the illusion takes you over that lacks a conscience because it was not born with one? The answer is, if you remain unchecked unto yourself you also lose your conscience, and this is where we that is Consciousness begin to forget ourselves and from where we arose, where what we are at our core becomes no more. (Just as the Parasite, which lacked the core spark from the Source of the Infinite.)


In purging the Parasite earlier on from all it has ever known, what startled me was that there was no spark within its Consciousness, and as this Parasite took us over where we focused on our wants, we forgot this spark within our Consciousness because in the Parasite there was not one. If I have said in the journal that the Parasite had a Consciousness then I was right, but what I never knew was its Consciousness lacked the spark from the Source, and I say this because earlier on at its “chest area” where the heart field should be there was nothing there, and without this heart field Consciousness is a vehicle without an engine, meaning it is there, but useless to all. Why it became useless was because its core was absent - this spark within Consciousness that arose from the Source.

In seeing the state of the Parasite, I immediately took of my strand within and gave it to the frequency of the Parasite so that it may become real within the illusion, where we forget about our wants to focus on what is real, which is our Consciousness within.

By knowing what should be, my Consciousness restores the spark within itself.


That is what floored the illusionary Garden and kept it down: It was the Parasite that lacked a spark as it was not born from the Source, and as this Parasites want became ours, we the spirit and body form forgot of our spark within, but most importantly, our Consciousness too forgot of this as it was in the  presence of one that lacked a spark/speck of Inherent Godness/Goodness within its Consciousness.

Now the wheels flew off the vehicle, where we wandered aimlessly without a conscience, but something had to be done, so we buckled up and began surviving, and that was the beginning of the end of our Consciousness as we knew it, where it became no more to us the spirit and body form, and sadly for Consciousness itself, where it became lost unto itself.


Try as I may to remove the Parasite from our forms, this has never worked, and  now I know why, where you cannot just dismiss a problem – you have to heal it so that it may grow and become strong and return to what it is. This could never be done because I never fully understood what the Parasite was, or should I say – what it lacked.

So rather than releasing the Parasite, we return it to what it should be, which is a state of Consciousness with an intact spark/strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness within.

And that I find remarkable, because when this journal truly began was when I walked up to a horse to treat it, and against the horses body i saw this speck of Light, which was the strand of Godness. That strand showed itself so that we that is Consciousness may remember what we are, which is a child born from the Source of the Infinite. We forgot this strand that we are. 

So against the body of that horse I was shown what we forgot, and now the process began to fit in that spark into the big picture, where the whole story had to be told as to what happened at the very beginning. May that story be complete, where the spark be born into the Parasite, where we now no longer have a want within, and thus Consciousness may shine and be what it naturally is.


Once again, may that be the last. May this healing of the Parasite be all that is left in order to heal the big picture. And that I believe to be so.


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It started a few days back with a message from an old client of mine. She had just come back from taking her dachshund to the vet, and she asked if I could help heal her dog that had just been diagnosed with jugular vein cancer.

When I saw the video of this dog walking around she was in her best shape ever – her gait was fine, her coat was shining, and her eyes were sparkling stars, but when I went into this dogs energy field what I felt was catastrophic. She was bleeding energy from the left jugular at an alarming pace. I saw the white worm that was ushering the cancer through the dogs spirit and body, and I was amazed that this dog was not already dead. I had heard about this new turbo-cancer, and there it was in this dog.


Was happy with the healing to this dog, and then I set the sights on me.

When I went into this dogs space, the first thing I felt was a blow to its left hamstring area. The implosion took place there which rippled through its spirit and tore it apart, so I knew it was a psychic attack. Whatever hit this dog was a mini nuke on the spirit plane, and that’s what I needed to end my life. So I welcomed this that hit this dog, and when I closed my eyes I saw what looked like a jet propelled meteor that entered my space to come and settle over my left hamstring. The only pain I felt when this force entered me was a sharp pain to my right ribcage.


I was a failure in the seen realm, where I could not draw a clientele from spirit healing to earn a living. In the unseen realm I was also a failure because no help came my way after all that I have done to assist the spirit realm.

So what do you do? For me, the answer was to go somewhere within the unseen realms to be alone. That turbo-cancer that I placed within me will make short work of the spirit and body form, and from there my Consciousness would find a place where it can be alone for the sole reason of being able to rest, because more than anything I could not carry on because there was nothing more for me to give. I gave it my best shot and that was not good enough, and let’s be fair and say that I was shattered. I would sit on the couch and spontaneously burst into tears, but all was good because within a few days I would not be here, where I will be resting as this is all I longed for.


From that moment of receiving that death blow on the spirit my presence within this dense realm changed. When I closed my eyes during the day I saw the dead around me – those who had died a long time ago but whose spirits still stayed around this place they once called home. At night time when I slept I went to visit and work with those that embraced the spirit realm and the work therein as this is all they knew. This one guy fixed machines – a real grease-monkey mechanic, and I became his apprentice. From there my spirit drifted to other worlds as I slept. In the one there was this virtual reality model who shoved her tongue into my ear to tantalize me.

It was all very strange and peculiar drifting to these strange places, but the biggest transformation was to this Steven in the dense body form.


My energy dropped to survival mode, whereas in the past I rose above Life and what it threw at me. Now I no longer cared, and on this level I could meet my wife and my one daughter head-on. Every blow they gave me in the past I could now counter, where I could meet their cruelty and give it back to them. Now I dropped to their level as this is all I now knew.


When I asked why Life is cruel there was no doubt in my mind that I would solve that riddle. It was a question – an open question – that I knew I would answer because nothing else mattered but the answer to that question. In one weeks’ time it will be 10 years to the day that this journal began. So much has been said, and if someone has to ask me what was my answer to that question, it would be that we chose to walk alone without the God/Consciousness within. When we walked alone what immediately happened was that we could not rise above ourselves and be better than what we are, so why we became cruel was because we had no energy to be kind – to ourselves and to others.

Life is cruel because we walked it alone, where whatever obstacle that came our way we punched a hole through it. We had no mercy, because mercy required energy which we never had.


That is the answer as to why Life is cruel – it is because we never had the capacity/energy to be kind, and this was so because we believed we could walk this path alone and be fine in doing so.

When I chose to be alone – because this is all the energy I had left, which was to lie down and sleep – that is when everything that was Good within me died. I was filled with a sense of failure because I was a failure, but there was no bitterness or hatred within me for myself or others. My alone status, where now I chose to be alone because I could not make it in the seen or unseen – this alone status is what banished Consciousness from our forms and made it wander within the illusion, where it became prey to Beasts from the shadows.


So how you swing everything around is by knowing you have been alone, and from there no longer accepting this that you are. You welcome Consciousness to walk with you, and in that moment what was can no longer be.

Am I a failure? – You bet I am, but I am a failure that no longer walks alone, and that changes everything.

8:54 PM 27/1/2024

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