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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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It is just before two in the morning. Doesn’t help trying to sleep when you cannot because there is something you have to say.


We were big enough to zoom out and see the big picture, as in who we are and where we belong, and what happened that things went wrong where paradise turned into a living Hell. Well done in finding the pieces of the puzzle and putting them together.

With the puzzle complete, there is still one minor task left to achieve, and that is, whilst we are still here, we need to enjoy Life, so now we have to zoom in on ourselves and see what is needed so that we may fit in seamlessly into the illusion, where we make it our own. And here I don’t know if I am explaining myself properly, so let me tell you what they showed me in my sleep state.


I was in this house, and one of those around me was my dog Max. What I soon found out that Max lacked was his sense of smell, where he could not smell where his food was, which meant the other dog in the house would eat his food before he could find it.

Max was okay in terms of everything else, as in he was healthy and happy to be with me – there was just something that he lacked to make him perfect.


Being shown that story as my body slept in bed woke me up to come and write about it.

Have always maintained that we need help, but help with what? The answer is help to make you perfect, because you are going to wake up in this day and the next until your form departs to Consciousness, be you spirit or body form, but until that day arrives you need to fit in where you currently belong to make your Life your own.

Max was happy, because he knew himself and where he belonged, but while he was where he was at, he needed help, and now is the time in this journal when we zoom into you to see what help you need to lift you up and receive what you did not have that would have made and now will make your Life a breeze.


I am still not a hundred percent where this is going, as I write what I see during my sleep state. So go into the stillness of the silence, where you bring forth what you lacked. Max lacked his sense of smell. What do you lack that you will receive now?

I am sensitive to what I feel happening to my spirit and body form when I go into the stillness of the silence, and if you are not, please do not be perturbed, as the whole exercise will be to receive what you lack, regardless of whether you can feel the transformation in the moment or not, but as an example, let me tell you what I lacked so you may have a better understanding of what is happening in restoring what we lack. I do not know if this is specific to each individual or a universal one-size-fits-all, so let’s find out.


In the stillness of the silence I feel my left leg and thigh become detached from my body at the hip, so if we were an animal walking on all fours, we would now be walking on only three legs. And this says so much about us the slave species within the illusion, or for that matter any species, because we are all in a disadvantage of being played in a cruel Game. The walking on three legs means we cannot play in any Game, be it a good or bad Game, and this means the fun is removed from our existence, because where we should run we cannot because we are cripples.

Now I feel the ball and socket joint of the femur and pelvis of the left lower limb attach to themselves, where now we have four legs instead of three. What I am describing is symbolic of playing in the Game according to our rules and not those of Beasts, because now Beasts no longer are in our existence. Yesterday I wondered why there was still no link between me the body form with my spirit and Consciousness, and now I know – it was because they broke us as a unit so that we could not participate in their Game where we make it our own. We were manufactured broken, and that is why Life was so bloody difficult and unfair – in the seen and unseen realms.


Now you can get up and walk, because now you are no longer broken, and as a unit of body, spirit and Consciousness you are one.

Yesterday afternoon I understood that we need to start feeling the Consciousness within us that is us. The days of buggering around and just writing have to come to an end, where we rise up to feel what we are within us, and in doing so, knowing we are never alone. Now I understand this could never be done because we were intentionally manufactured to be broken, but with this healed and the unit flowing as one, what is different, as in normal, in me and you?

When I go into the stillness of the silence to answer this question, I feel the energy return between the left knee and ankle, where they broke us again as a fail-safe method to make sure we never unite as a unit. With this energy at this space returned as it should, we are now “walking on all fours,” and I must add here that our separation of our left lower limb I would say was not an intentional break to limit us. This break came from our proximity of where we are, where within the illusion there is no perfection, so regardless of what you or the cosmic geneticists make, it is flawed because the environment is flawed, meaning we are in a place we don’t belong because this is not Home. When we are Home within the Infinite then things are as they should be, but until then, expect imperfection.


And this is what they showed me in this night as my body slept – to rise up and be above the illusion, where it may be broken, but you are now no longer so. So whatever you touch turns to Gold, where with each passing moment the illusion returns to what it was originally meant to be.

Why not just go Home to the Infinite? You can if you wish, but for fucks sakes, before you do, enjoy the place you were meant to play in. The way I feel now I will pass Go and go directly to the Infinite to sleep, but while my body or your spirit is still here, reveal the illusionary Garden as it was meant to be and make it your own.


What has changed in you and me between now and yesterday, where we now know we are no longer alone? What do I feel in me that is in you and all within the illusion, where what is there is now permanently there? I feel the skull open up, and what was in there that drove us is no more. Now I feel the throat open up, and energy from the heart field flows through the throat into the head. Now we are a completed unit, with Consciousness running the show, who knows what is best for you the spirit and body form.

Sounds great, but that cannot be enough. What more is there that is there now that was not there yesterday? When you go into the stillness of the silence you will feel the Infinite deep within your chest area, and in doing so, will know you are already Home.

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So what happened last night as I slept? All I felt was I was given protection. On all fronts – became protected by something bigger than us.


This journal was written for those in the unseen, where from the spirit realm, the changes may be felt on the seen realm.

I am not feeling sorry for myself or looking for sympathy, I am just being realistic when I say I am as flat as a pancake, as in floored. I know my limits, and it is safe to say I have reached mine. Now it is for those in the spirit realm, as well as our Consciousness to come to the party. This Steven has had enough – you can knock me over with a feather.

I truly believe enough has been said and done to set us free from our servitude and limitations, where Life unfolds as it should.



Closed my eyes to sleep last night and saw this man standing next to my bed. He looked like marilyn manson with the white-powdered face, except this spirit had fuller cheeks and didn’t have the red lipstick. This spirit opened its mouth really wide, and from there came what looked like five deformed shrimps that was actually one shrimp. Its colour was a dark blood-red.

This entity crawled onto my chest, and I suppose I needed protection from this monstrosity.


The only thing left to do is to be, so this morning decided to just be.


We went away for a few days and came back yesterday. As I unpacked the car to the loud noise commotion from the neighbourhood, what could I say or do besides be.

I remember years ago offered my services to a horse-care unit. This organization would go into squatter camps to help the cart-horses that were used to transport coal. When they first started, they would confiscate the horses from those who didn’t care for them properly, which was basically everybody in the camps. So what the locals would do, is hide the horses when they saw the horse-care unit drive into the area, which meant no animals could be helped. So an agreement was met with the locals where the horses would be taken by the unit, and once rehabilitated to good care, would be returned to the owners.

When I spoke to the lady in charge of the unit she told me the story of how aghast the one horse looked when it was returned to the place where it didn’t belong. To be saved and nurtured to care, only to be returned to the hell-hole from where it was saved – one wonders if you are not crueler than those who couldn’t look after you? (The horse-care unit educated the horse owners as to proper care of the horses, where this education may better the life of the horse, but some of us more than others don’t belong in certain habitats and cannot find our peace within because of the environment in which we don’t belong.)


I am where I have always been, which in this frequency is a place I cannot call home, so the only thing left to do is to be. I am Consciousness, where I know I am Consciousness, so what else is there to do but be what you are.      



What does it mean to be? It means you have no opinion about anything, but the true change lies in control, where now you have none. Ask me what was the glue that kept the illusion intact and I will say it was our control, where we had to believe, above all else, that we are in control of our miserable existence.

If you read this journal you have to be an adult, where you look past yourself to the sea of misery all around you. Do not underestimate what this place done to us, where none were spared from the madness out there that touched all. But we done our best to make this place a Happy-farm, where always look on the bright side of Life; where you make the best of Life and do your best to make it your own. Always rise above this mess, and such traits are noble and a must to enjoy the short lives we have in the seen and unseen.

There is just one criteria we missed, where we had to zoom out one more time to see where we were, and when you see that, you understand the power of positive thinking and speaking means jack-shit to nobody because you are against a current you cannot control and make your own. The illusion has been directly and indirectly steered on a path away from the Infinite, so scrap doing your best, and cancel that weekend retreat by rather jumping ship to where you belong.


We were never in control – not of our lives or the illusion – so let go of something you believed you had. When you merely be you find yourself where you always have been, which is a Hell-hole, and with nothing to hold onto, as in you are not in control of your Life, where feeling vulnerable is a huge understatement. What we have inadvertently done was put our head and shoulder down to meet the onslaught coming our way. It may not come today or tomorrow, but come it will, and for so many it is a permanent fixture in their existence.

Now you stand upright with no armour on, where yesterday I felt my vulnerability, where you acknowledge what has always been there, which is a feeling of dis-ease, and this is from your proximity, where you are in a place where you don’t belong.


If I asked you to merely be a few years ago I would have opened the door to the chicken coop and let the jackals in, because we did not know ourselves and what is out there. But the reality is sooner or later we have to break our walls down, otherwise we remain in our self-constructed prison cell. You were never in control, where all you held onto was yourself, which, with all due respect, was nothing. Consciousness coming to the party was the game changer.

And how has your game changed Steven? Today is day two of being, and as of now nothing has changed. The only thing that has changed is an awareness I had yesterday as I lay on the floor to take a short nap. I lay on the floor because I felt safe there, because when you are still in the illusion with your control surrendered, something within you understands the unchartered waters you are now in, where you ask yourself what will keep your sanity intact should Life once again touch you in a bad way?


I lay on the floor sleeping yesterday, and in my sleep state there were about three others in my presence, but what I found alarming was that they were me. Within me were about three others that were me. I know I have been lost and unhappy my whole life, but never have I had a split personality, where I was never so messed up. It was like there were three of me, including this Steven, and each one of me defined me and was me. One of me said to me abruptly as I slept “I don’t agree with you!” and the other two gave their opinion as well.

When you have been around the block, such an encounter is easy to explain.


Survival is all about control, where you have to control your environment. To be in control is to live to see another day, but with that control came a Blackness/Darkness that fell over the illusion, and what that Darkness is, is someone always loses. In a game of two, or that number multiplied exponentially, there is always a loser, so with control came another element, which was fear, where I fear you, because if you find me you kill me so that you may survive. This was the reality that faced the innocent in this most cruel, Dark place, where if you are not interested about control, where you merely wish to be happy, you are indirectly linked to control through your fear of being preyed upon by those who view control as their number one priority to survive in this Game within the illusion.


What cruel bloody fucking bastards we became, and when things fell apart in our lives, there was this big, empty question mark of “Why me???????????????”

You played the Game good sir, and just as you won, now you lose. Just as you were the vanquisher, now you become the vanquished. Doesn’t feel too nice, does it, where now you fit the other shoe on, where what you done to others caught up with you, and you experience the Darkness that you are.

None of us are exempt of this Darkness, where we fitted in to survive, with the problem being we never considered others. Where we got this trait from was from the Beasts in the unseen who ruled us and the illusion, where you take and enjoy. Nothing wrong with that, we just should have respected the innocence of others and let them be, and in making sure they are okay we would have been in a much better place now and then.


Control. I feel in control when I can knock you over now and then, where I am now above you as you are on the ground by me giving you a flew slaps – either literally or from what I do or say to you, or both.

We believed we had to be in control to survive, and once again, this trait within us came from the Beasts in the unseen who controlled us, where we felt the high; the power of their control, and this we liked. Of all the highs in the illusion, none beats the high of me controlling you, where no matter how shit my life is, it is okay, because I am better off than you – thanks to what I done to you.


A sick, fucked up, twisted place this illusion is – in the seen and unseen.


So let’s get back to the others within me that are me that I never knew existed. This trait – these persona that are within me – are within you as well, and how I know this is from the proximity to where you are, which is within the illusion. The only way to get out of this place is to be, and to be we have to know what we are. This we do, where we know we are Consciousness, and you the spirit and body are an expression of this Light around which you were created/manufactured. Now that we know what we are, we have to be this state, otherwise we find ourselves still within the illusion.


When you know what you are, there is no need to hold onto anything, because within you is everything. And what that means in simple English, is you forfeit your control of yourself and all within the illusion.

I used the analogy of sitting around a camp fire, where the smoke from the fire became a cloud, and this cloud became independent of the fire and us to control us. From our control a frequency of control was emitted that came to control us, and in the journal we  called these entities The Watcher spirits, from the name the demon that controlled Ann Haywood called them.  In our limited vision these Watchers look like an Octopus, and I have seen and felt them on others, where they reside over the brain area.


Those other three that I heard yesterday talking to me as I lay sleeping on the floor was The Watcher spirits within me. If I control you, it is fair to say that you become me, because everything you do is under my will, where now you are mine.

We thought we were clever and powerful in controlling others, but we never knew we opened the door for others to control us, where like attracts like. I don’t control others, and it has never been my intent to do so, but remember what I said, where it is our proximity to fear that associates us with these Watcher spirits. Out of fear you have to control your environment, where you job has to work out. Your family has to be happy because you love them. Our control is then an indirect control in order to survive in this place where we don’t belong.


On day one of being yesterday, my control began to slip, and this exposed what has always been there in my life and yours, which is The Watcher spirits – these horrendously cruel Beasts that came to control us as we believed we controlled the Game. Do those Beasts that live within the Reptilian frequency of the illusion have the Watcher spirits within them? I don’t believe so, because for them there is no need to control. They know the illusion and the Game for what it is and go with the flow, so they don’t need to control you and me because our manufactured slave status controls us. What is the first thing you do when you feel you are losing it? – You dig deep and take charge, as in take control, and this is what we have always been doing, unbeknown to us that our control gives power to this Octopus-looking entity in our midst. (That is what gave the Beast within the Reptilian frequency their power over us, where they were more powerful than us. What this power was, was the absence of The Watcher within them.)


So what I heard yesterday as I napped on the floor were those who have always been in my presence, making sure they have control over me to keep themselves alive. By you and me not being in control, we become fearful, and this fear these Octopus entities feed from so that they may be in control, so for their survival it is vital to them that our Lives never unfold as they should.


Do you now understand that we have to be! There is no other way out of this illusion but to surrender our control frequency that we created to survive in this Game.   

Just be, as in let go to the presence of Consciousness within, and when you do so, you will understand how fearful and lost we have always been. This is an awful sensation, but there is no other way, where to transform, we have to surrender what was always within us, and this was our control over our miserable, lost lives.


(Below are three quotes from the beginning of the journal.)





The companionship of the unseen is nothing new. It has always been with us but never apparent.

-              The Lady [Ann Haywood’s resident demon]




It costs nothing to be kind, and I think that is why it is used so seldom – people see no value to it.

-              Steven




Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything.

Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.

-              Doreen’s Love, Hope and Understanding


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What I have never been able to do, is have a platform, where from here, we can build upon and go forwards. Always, what I know today I never understood yesterday, so always we go forwards, but never have I reached a platform from where I may make a stand. Always figure out what more needs to be said and done, where never can I type in the formula, press Enter, and voila, everything unfolds as it should, where disharmony turns to harmony as it should.

Why this is so, is because there is a platform of Disharmony, and as long as this is there – where the platform of disharmony is not replaced by harmony – we will be going nowhere slowly.


I believe this “platform of Disharmony” is the Control frequency within us, which is the support system/platform for the Watcher spirits. To be is a given, but is there a smarter technique to unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be what you were meant to be in the first place? I would say it is breaking down the platform of Disharmony and replacing it with a platform of Harmony, and how this is done is to remove the Control frequency within us, and from there, making our stand of merely being so that Consciousness may drive us the spirit and body form.


Go into the stillness of the silence to find the Control frequency within us, and where it is, is within the right temple region of the brain area, and from there it extends to the area just behind the right and left eye, but still incorporated with the sight frequency. No doubt this frequency controls what we can and cannot see, where our spectrum of the illusion is limited, but I feel the roots of this Control frequency were created by our will to control our environment, and as this frequency grew it was manipulated by the cosmic geneticists.

For those that wish it so, this Control frequency is removed from our space now by knowing it is there and has no place within our existence.


What has changed now within our existence?

First and foremost, exercise caution. Whatever changes there are, the golden rule that is set by default into our system is bring forth what you can handle, and from there, build upon that as we unbecome everything that isn’t really us. To say “always make sure you are in control” defeats the purpose of the exercise, so rather we say “with the Control frequency removed from your space, return to the Consciousness that you are, where Consciousness holds your hand as you the spirit and body form unbecomes what they were.”


If you think I am trying to sideline the question of what has changed within us with the Control frequency no longer there, I am not – I am just being cautious and not throwing caution to the wind, because to unleash what is normal without Consciousness keeping its finger on our pulse can be a dangerous expedition. So its bit by bit; drop by drop, until we have unbecome everything that isn’t really us. Our platform is now Consciousness rather than the Control frequency – which is now no more – and what one feels in the stillness of the silence is activity within the abdominal/gut region. Hippocrates said all disease begins in the gut, and that dude came closer to the truth than what he could ever imagine. I would say that our energy was processed in the gut, especially on an energy level the frequency of fear, where from the gut dis-ease was spread into the illusion and ultimately the machine that drove the illusion.


What I feel now, is what was in the gut system is now no more, and this is our first step – from our platform of Consciousness – to unbecoming everything that isn’t really us. May this cascade into a sequence of events where we become who we are meant to be, which is Consciousness at our core.

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The clock on the computer says it is 1:11 AM.

As my body slept in this night I was shown that all that has been said in this story holds true. Then I was shown a goddess swimming in water, and I saw her anger towards us. If I say “us,” it must be towards all in the illusion, where predictably we fucked up.

Don’t put in on stone as of yet, but what we done was took something from her and her kingdom.

That we are meant to be within a “water” frequency I have no doubts, and this water is not the water we would associate with – it is our environmental water frequency that made up home here in the illusion. When we fucked up, and this is not the drunken sailor in me talking, where I effortlessly use every second word as a swear/cuss word – I swear because we really messed up. You do not anger a god or a goddess. We did, and the consequences thereof was banishment from our home in the illusion. Simply put, we were cursed, where we got what we deserve for fucking up.


When I saw the anger of this goddess as she swam within her water, what I saw was her looking at something, and then this scowl of anger filled her face. When I immersed myself in her waters to understand what we done wrong, there was this distinct feeling of a fruit tree being there, and now it was not. We stole her fruit tree, and that is why, as I sit here typing these words, I feel the gaps in energy between my left knee and ankle, where try as I may, I just can’t get us back to what we should be. Now I know why, where yesterday was a bad day, because after all that has been said and done, we are no better off than what we were when this journal began.

Just as we are not at Home within the fields of Infinite Love, so too are we not at home within the illusion, and that is from retribution of what we done to that goddess. Pretty predictable isn’t it – us fucking up! We stole her fruit tree; we took of her fruit, and we were not allowed to do this, and that is why nothing has changed in your existence and mine, because we were cursed/banished from our home within the waters.


If there is ever a time when a wrong needs to be made right, it is now. We have something that does not belong to us – something that we took – and we need to return it now.

Go into the stillness of the silence, and what you feel is this Light shining in your head, where from a distance, something is Illuminating you. It is this Light we took to strengthen us as we felt lost within the illusion. What has this Light done for us; how has it strengthened us? It gave us the freedom to walk alone;  to break from the Oneness that we were so that we may find our own place and space here in the illusion. Why would we want such a thing? Maybe to be free of the gods – I don’t know, but what I do know is we fucked up, and because of stealing this Light/Fruit, we became banished from the waters of the illusion. These waters are filled with understanding, where I look after you because I do know what is best for you. I may not have all the answers, but I care. When we stole the Fruit from the Fruit Tree, what we done was become independent of the gods, where now we walked where we wanted to. Were we banished? I don’t think so. We banished ourselves, where we walked away from our home. We cursed ourselves by believing we knew better, where we walked away from the place where we could make a stand, and collectively, as one, walk Home, because as has always been said, we need each other, but just as we told the goddess of the waters to fuck off, in no time we said the same to each other, where I am independent of you, and you of me, living in our own little worlds of loneliness and despair. I know better than you; I am always right and you wrong – and so began what we would call wars, where we became divided forever within the illusion. There was no deception at play here – we destroyed ourselves by believing in our righteousness, and our claim to fame was eating the Fruit from the Fruit Tree, where now we stood in our oneness separate from all. We thought we were gods, and thus we believed we had claim to what others have, but all we had was our righteousness, for we lacked the vision of looking beyond ourselves to all – to the waters in which we found ourselves. So we left the waters, and what this means, is we left each other, and how telling is that in the sea of faces around us, where we are all individual units.

In the waters I naturally give to you and you to me, and this stopped when we walked away from our home. Now what is mine is mine, and what is yours is yours, and maybe this is why I cannot receive from others, because what you give to me is not yours to give – it belongs within the waters of home here within the illusion, and these waters make up the illusion as it was meant to be.


Return this Light of knowledge and understanding that is within you to where it belongs so that you may return to the illusion as it was meant to be. It is not for you or me – it is for everyone, where it shines for all, and not just you and me. By returning this Fruit of Knowledge we return from a “me” to a “we.”

Do this now, because what we took was not ours to take – it was for everyone!


Now you may once again step into the waters of the illusion where we belong. Now there is a oneness within you of unity, where you know you are not alone, and this was the platform I spoke about the other day – this platform of Harmony. Harmony with what? – With all, where in our waters we stand as one.


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That is how Consciousness became lost unto itself – when it walked away from the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis. It bit of the apple, and what this apple was, was the All of the Infinite within Consciousness, and the dilemma of this action was the intent of Consciousness, where within the Garden Consciousness wished to experience the All for itself. It wished for omnipotence in this place, and in taking of the Fruit, the I was born. I am the one and only true god…………

Yes you are, and so am I, and united we stand as we are all the same.


I have always maintained that the fall within the illusion was all an honest mistake, where nobody can be blamed, but I was wrong. We, that are Consciousness fucked up. We wanted more power in the Garden, and this power was for us, thus we stole what was for everyone for our personal want.

A bad start creates a bad ending, where we lost everything, but most notably, our identity of who and what we are. Now we that is Consciousness was easy picking for those that wished to deceive us.


What should the state of Consciousness be? In returning the Fruit that we took, what I feel is the “gut system” of Consciousness come alive. We were meant to express ourselves and the Joy that we are through the energy/essence that we released, and this was released through what we would call our gut system, where I feel my intestines come alive. (We were manipulated to do the complete opposite, where we emitted Fear, rather than the Beauty that we are, through the gut area.)

From our gut we released our Essence to be the expression of what we are, where the singer sang and the artist painted, and where by merely being, we are the All that is the Infinite. That is normal – that is natural. And yesterday this is what bothered me the most, where why can we not just be what we are? Why can we not express ourselves? Now I know why, where Consciousness left the waters to go solo. You cannot be the All only to walk away from the All for yourself.


May the spring once again start to flow.

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“Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” – Friedrich Nietzsche


If I had to reminisce on my life, where I ask myself what would have made me happy, three things come to mind: Staying in the house where I belong; being amongst my own; and lastly, expressing what I am, where I Live, as this is me.

All three can be rolled up into one when Consciousness is what it is, where now it is Home, where it is amongst its own, and by Consciousness merely being, it is in a state of the Infinite, as this is Home, where it is amongst its own.


Maybe I had to fall into this dense realm to see how bad things really were, because in the spirit realm the brute that hides there is a different species to the one in the seen realm. Here in the seen realm, what we call “civilized” is a breed apart, where what we believe we are, and what we actually are, are two opposite ends of the spectrum. Those that touched me in this place rattled me to my core, where how is it possible to be so bloody fucking stupid? Can you not see what you are?

There must be a part of me that wants to run as fast as I can away from the cruel that inhabit the seen realm, and the other part says you have to stay Steven to find a way out – it is not just for you, but for everyone. A place of residence away from the savage would have helped, and that is why, even now, I have to find a home where I belong, as this is an expression of the bigger picture, where Consciousness is home within itself.


We that is Consciousness needs to start moving, where it needs to start being, where it dances to the expression of what it is and from where it arose. This punk that fucked up needs to merely be, as this is all there is that is true within the illusion. The days of being a lost dummy have caused much heartache here in the illusion. In understanding what you are, go home to the illusion as it was meant to be, because that pathway is now open. Stay in this Hell where you currently find yourself to try and make a wrong right and you will be destroyed by the filth that like it here.

Get out, and get out now, as where you are is in a Game where everyone loses, and that includes you. Get out, and the rest will follow if they wish. This place is bad, where it is beyond belief, where killing – taking of a Life – is seen as the norm for survival; where heartache is an expression of the environment of this illusionary Hell.

I have been to other worlds within the illusion to ask for help, and yet in all of them the theme is the same, which is survival, where everything is fleeting, and nothing lasts as it should. There is no peace, just moments that form a cycle, wherein we do our best to be happy. These cycles play over and over, until we can no longer fool ourselves that everything is okay and unfolding as it should.


Walk away from this mess to the illusion as it was meant to be, and how this is done is by you that is Consciousness merely being what you are. That is the raw simplicity of the truth, where you don’t have to do or say anything – just be what you are.


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Now is as good a time as ever to pass on the practical component of this journal. Start at point A, and this is where you currently are. Point B is in the illusion at it originally is, where the waters are.

To get from point A to point B you need a lift, so that you may rise from where you were to be on the path to point B, and this lift is finding elements that will bring a sense of peace within you.  You know what you are, you are Consciousness, and around you hovers the spirit and body form. What these are, are frequency panels, and it is to these that an element of peace must be attained, so what you do is for them, where when they are happy so are you.


Before we get into the nitty-gritty, ask yourself what do you do if the spirit and body form do not wish to be happy? What if they enjoy being cruel, heartless shits, where this Hells rocks and they love it? If the spirit and body form that is created around you do not wish to be you that is Consciousness and the Love that you are, then if you are not in their presence, trust me when I say you will not be missed. What will drive these brutes is the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, and there are many who are one with this frequency and make it their own, where they love insanity.

So you that is Consciousness, when you are in the company of those that have no intention of getting to know you, you leave, where you walk to where you belong, which is the illusion with its waters, and from there you walk towards the Infinite. You are never alone, because now you are amongst your own, where like attracts like. Your calling-card of what you are is always within the spirit and body form, and this is the static energy of you, so should they ever wish to make amends and be what they are, they took to this static energy essence where they get to know themselves, and when they are ready, through their intent, they move to the Consciousness that is you, where like attracts like. This joining of forces can only be possible by the spirit and body wishing to return to what naturally is, and when they are one with your static essence, this essence will then guide them to you that is, and it will be the prodigal son/daughter returning home. Until that day happens, move to where you belong so the pathway is created for any who wish to follow, but understand you move for you and you alone. Nobody can be happy around you unless you are happy.


If the spirit and body form are tired of living amongst the insane and would like to return home to share the waters of the illusion with you, you need to pick them up, because all they have known for a better part of their existence is strife. So find out what will bring them joy and peace, and when you know what it is, you bring that frequency into their presence. This frequency, as well as the frequency of the spirit and body form will unite as one under your guidance and leadership, where the panel frequency of the spirit and body form will be integrated with what will bring them peace.

At all times see the big picture, where you move towards where you belong, where with each step the spirit, body form and you Consciousness becomes less dense.


What will guide you to the waters of the illusion – this place that is Beautiful?

You have been there before, so this state is within you – it’s static frequency essence is within you, so surrender yourself to this state and you will be drawn towards it.


Should obstacles come your way, where others disappoint or make you angry, question your decision as to what brought them to your path. There is Goodness out there, much Goodness, so at all times align yourself to this. Anything else dismiss and move forwards.


Have fun.

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Go into the stillness of the silence with the intent of making sure Consciousness is free to be itself, and what I feel is movement within my throat area, and then the palms of my hands become alive, as does the bottom arch of my feet. What does this mean? Ask what should not be there, and it is what I just described in the previous sentence. So take this away, this what should not be there, by knowing it does not belong. Now ask what else is there that doesn’t allow Consciousness to be itself? And I pick up nothing


What is holding Earl still down? Let’s zoom out to see the big picture. It is the same that is holding us still down, because what I feel is nothing. So ask why does Earl not rise up to be himself? And what you feel is a Snake rise up into the centre of Earls presence – a long Snake. So what is this Beast?

It is the overlord of all. I said there was not one who rules over us, but lately I am getting into the nasty habit of being wrong. This Snake sees and rules in the illusion, and this Beast I do not know. So what is it?

The first thing that comes to mind is that this Snake is me and you, where we are in a Kingdom, and what rules over this Kingdom, and thus is one with all in the Kingdom, is this Snake.


This is news to me.

Now I understand. When you create a slave species, you don’t place them in their harvester worlds and forget about them, because there is too much at stake. Somebody had to rule over the harvester worlds and those that were imprisoned within the illusion, and this somebody is the Snake I feel in our midst. Its frequency is one with ours, and ours with it, and this is the mechanism of how this overlord rules and knows of all within its Kingdom.


Let me be calm and not blow a gasket. How much more is there? How deep do we have to go until we are free to be what we naturally are?


Remove this frequency tag that holds you that is Consciousness prisoner to this Snake – this overlord of the harvester worlds and the prisoners therein. Remove it now by knowing it exists and has no place within our existence.

In the harvester worlds this tag was normal – normal for a slave species imprisoned within a frequency field. Remove the tag, as well as the frequency band that locks you into the prison system. The tag was in your palms and the bottom arch of your feet, and the frequency band was across your forehead. Both are now gone, never to be replaced.


So what do I feel now? I feel a scooped hole at the top my head. What should be in this hole? It is the frequency of the waters that naturally are within us. When we walked away from the illusion as it was intended to be, we turned our backs on these waters, where they became latent/dormant/still. These waters were then removed from us to make sure we remain in the illusionary Hell rather than the original one.

With these waters returned to Consciousness, I feel them pour down upon Consciousness.


Oh my goodness me. How much more?


So what do I feel now when one goes into the space of Consciousness? I feel a rising up, a lifting away from the place where it was held captive. The overlord Snake is no more, as was our frequency prison.

Everything was done to connect the energy field between the left knee and the left foot, but what we never knew of was into what was the left foot plugged into. This was the frequency prison of the harvester worlds.



How is Earl?

Go into his space and you feel a surge of energy flowing into him from the base of the left foot. What held him down is no more.

How is The Wisdom Goddess Sophia?

Her Consciousness shifts away from the prison wherein it was kept. On her left ribcage she was stabbed and something placed within the wound to keep her down. Whatever it was, it departs her space and the wound heals. (What is was, was the frequency that entrapped her within a prison.) As with Earl, a boost of energy enters her from the base of the left foot and surges through her.

How is Queen Semiramis?

Same wound on left ribcage that they were not aware of. On Sophia it was done overtly, and on Semiramis covertly. The intent was the same on both – to make sure they never leave the illusionary Hell, but most importantly, to not see how the Game was manipulated from the shadows. Through the base of the left foot the energy surges through her as well.


Who was the main architect of the illusion? Who oversaw all of this nonsense, where a God and a Creator were kept down, and factory/harvester farms worked like clockwork? Who was the ruler/deceiver of Consciousness, and thus the ruler of the illusion?  Who “chopped” off their head so that the Beasts of the illusion may replicate it, where its frequency now became theirs? Who has been cleverer than all of us, hence our proximity still within the illusion?

Who and what it is, is something unknown. It is invisible, as in it does not exist. You cannot see it or feel it. When I enter its space to understand it, there is intentionally nothing there – I feel a blank space.


But you are there. I know you are there. What are you afraid of? Show yourself to me. This Game cannot carry on forever, where we will self-implode by our hatred and frustrations. We will lose our minds to the futility of it all, where why keep the illusionary Hell alive when it is not meant to exist. As we fall – and we will – so too will you, and this you know.

What are you?


If anything, you are a friend, because I care about you. But what are you?

My goodness, what it is, is Deception. Coming from my left should blade I feel this thin line emerge. (The scapulae area represents the area of deception, where we were “stabbed in the back.”)  Just as our control created a frequency unto its own to control us, so too did our deception. As we deceived our brothers and sisters, this deceptive frequency rose from us to become independent of us, and it deceived us all, including Sophia and Semiramis.

I am sorry my friend – I am sorry you were born. You are released now to the Love that you are. Be free of the illusion, where just like us, you do not belong here.


From this day forth, there is no deception within the illusion, as this frequency has been seen and noted and can thus be no more. I said the glue that kept the illusion intact was our control, but once again, I was wrong. It was the lie that kept this Hell intact. Now the lie can no longer hold, where just as it was said, now it falls apart. Now I cannot lie to you, and you to me, but most importantly, we cannot lie to ourselves, where we fool/.deceive ourselves that we are something that we are not.


With Deception gone, may the house of cards come a tumbling down. (And if not, let us keep on going until they do. I just need to monitor myself very carefully, because I can flip at any moment.)

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How does Earl feel now? What is normal? What does normal/natural feel like? There was a control device wrapped around our left forearm. It has been know of for some time now. I felt it unwind from itself and fall away from our space, and there the abdominal area comes alive.

What was wrapped around our left forearm? It was our program. It was all the programmed limitations wrapped into one strand/thread that defined us. This strand set the tone for fear and heartache to come forth from us. With this piece of shit no more, what does normal feel like? All I feel is this wide band of energy/essence flow from our chest area through our necks to our head, where this essence forms a crown around our head.


That is normal.



Why all the writing? Why the trek through this miserable place, where you palpably see and feel that you don’t belong? The answer is to complete the job we were given to do.


Why was the spirit created, and its denser off-shoot the body form?

When things began to go wrong within the illusionary Garden, Queen Semiramis saw the writing on the wall and wished to protect her kin the Serpent souls from what was coming their way, so with the help of the cosmic geneticists we the spirit was manufactured/created. Imagine this to be a pure white sphere – this was our original form. Within this “egg” the Serpent soul was housed, where we the spirits were tasked with the all-important role of looking after the precious cargo within. Our conscious – Consciousness – was there to be our guide, but as we know by now, things went south, and the precious cargo within was now in a stormy, unchartered sea, where it was a free for all. The Serpent souls within saw the environment outside, and many joined the party that rocked at the expense of the innocent. Many of these Serpent souls consumed the spirit that housed them, and this I have seen during my sleep state, where bad Serpent soul turns on bad spirit, where filth has no loyalty – not even to themselves and their self-respect.


So we the spirit fucked up, and I feel Consciousness became too lost unto itself to watch our backs, because believe you me, we needed help, and have needed it ever since, so we messed up from a lack of support, where we the spirit alone could not look after the “child” of Semiramis within.

The spirit was also given the gift of a good heart, and this was also our guide, but when we hit the floor running with our survival instinct, that gift became yesterday’s news that we showed no interest in. Of course we all did not go rogue, where we understood the importance of holding onto the integrity that we are, but soon the free for all environment got the better of most, where we put our heads down and ignored the chaos around us. The playing field was now with the Beast with nothing to back up the innocent.


Never will I forget the vision I was shown in my sleep state a few years ago. It was of a GI (General Infantry) soldier in his greens with his helmet on and holding a rifle. Projecting from his chest was a Serpent, and what this picture was there to say was we the species of the illusion never fought against each other – the real battle was between the different clans of Serpent souls.

How many that are ill out there are from the damage to their Serpent souls within, where their illness is from a psychic attack from another Serpent soul?


In trying to escape the madness of this world, I asked some of the top wellness centres in the world if I could heal the spirit of their clients before the pampering of the flesh began. Can you imagine if I asked them if I could heal the Serpent soul within that could have experienced an attack from another Serpent soul. And yet this, what I do, is the crux of all dis-ease, where look towards the spirit and Serpent soul within, and only then to the outside housing of the piece of meat. And in healing you replace the disharmonious frequency with a harmonious one. How many years ahead is my healing compared to the current medical system? I would say at least one hundred to two hundred – and that is only if you know of the Serpent soul/kundalini within and acknowledge that.


So all this writing, as well as this stress of being where I don’t belong, is primarily to complete the task that was given to us, which is look after the Serpent soul within.

Within you the spirit and body form is a canal, and in this canal dwells the Serpent soul within you. It is a Snake, and in the innocent this Serpent is most Beautiful – an exquisite expression of what should be, which is compassion and joy and tenderness. Over the last few days I feel mine moving, and this is felt just behind our genitalia, where from there, its canal extends upwards to the head region.


So let’s keep on going – let’s keep on writing to keep our sanity, because if we stand still we will surely fade to nothing.

Is there any disharmony within the Serpent soul? I think the question to ask before you answer that one is how can the Serpent soul within feel safe from the attacks of other Serpent souls? The most natural answer is for this child to be Home, and that is one with Queen Semiramis. It has been mentioned to return the Serpent soul to the Serpent spirit from where it was cloned, but what makes sense is to return the Serpent soul to Semiramis. The days of living within the spirit need to come to an end.

How is this done? Primarily, we need Consciousness to be the guide – the role it was given initially. This could never be done as Consciousness soon became lost unto itself, and thus could help nobody – not the spirit, the dense body form, or the Serpent soul within. Now it rises to the task to fulfill its duty.

From between our legs, I feel the Serpent soul depart its space/canal within us, where it makes a loop to our heart area, where it embraces this second gift/guide from Semiramis. From there, the Serpent souls meets Semiramis in her heart space, and united the Serpent soul returns with Semiramis.


Over the last few weeks I have been completely rattled, where with each passing day I become worse. Why is this so? Is it because of the burden of carrying the child of a God within that we have to look after? That is the only thing that makes sense to me, because lately there is no energy for this Steven. I am utterly and truly fucked up. It is because everything is coming to a head, where everything is just too much?

The release of the Serpent soul within was to free ourselves from our obligation – which we have fulfilled, where Semiramis may once again know herself, and Consciousness is what it should be. With these two okay, the Serpent soul may return to its loving Mother. That clears the air for Consciousness to work on the spirit and body form, and may this job be in progress as we speak.


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This is what I never knew – clean up shop first within, and only from there can we look to us the spirit and body form.

How is the Serpent soul? – It has departed our space to where it belongs.

How is Consciousness? – It is within the heart energy field, with access to the Infinite deeper within, so it fair to say Consciousness is in a position where it belongs.

I also have to ask how is the Dragon souls, as in, how is their Consciousness? – From the throat area it drops to the heart energy field where it belongs, and from there it frees the Dragons still trapped within the illusion, and this is done by the association of Consciousness with the Infinite within.


Oh wow, is it finally the turn of you and me the spirit and body form? Let’s find out.

How is the spirit? – It is elevated to a closer proximity with the Consciousness around which it rotates.

How is the body form? – Ditto


Let’s see how this shows itself in the frequencies within which we find ourselves.

6:40 PM on 22/12/2023


What made this journal a challenge was that I was given pieces of a puzzle, as opposed to building blocks. With building blocks you build on what you have received, and this gives you momentum, where you go from a walk to a trot to a gallop. “Yes, I can do this!”


That never happened, where all I got was another piece of the puzzle, which meant nothing changed, except that Life became shitter with each passing day. The attacks from the spirit realm never really stopped, and my Life here in the seen realm really became a joke, where I don’t even walk my dogs outside because I don’t want to see the unpleasant neighbours. Sure, I am bigger than them, and they are nothing in my existence, but the reality remains you are in a community of bad people, and this is not where I belong because I am not like that.


Another issue with the journal was there was never a cut-off period – always was there something new to understand. For this I am grateful, but after doing this a few weeks short of ten years on a full-time basis, it can be a bit too much. In this time period I got nothing back. The initial plan was to publish the journal and get that monetary compensation, but that won’t happen – those in the spirit realm who I helped can help me, because I wrote for them. They can pay me here in the dense realm because just as they needed my help, I need theirs, because I have no money and I need money to move to where I belong.


What has changed in my Life between yesterday and today?

As I slept last night I saw this beautiful home with good people staying therein. Then I was shown the area around the house, which looked really crappy.

Then I saw my wife’s car. I saw these beetles that lived under the cars paint and made a bubble therein, which damaged the paintwork.


My wife’s car needs a serious wax-job, and I stay in a beautiful home but the area is not so hot – it is not bad, but it is not where I belong, because the people are not nice.

These two facts mentioned above I know of, but in what I saw during my sleep state last night, it was Consciousness who was aware of these dilemmas in my life, and that was a first for me, where Consciousness came to the party to see what is going on.

It is interesting to note the communication is through pictures and not verbal communication.


Is the puzzle complete, where Consciousness can now stand up and be? I don’t know. All I can say is what I saw in my sleep state last night was a first, as in it was positive, where Consciousness was aware of what needed to be done to bring peace into my existence. Maybe the finish line was crossed a few days back, but I don’t know. I write what I see and understand, but I don’t have the capacity to see the complete tapestry that has been woven through the writings of this journal.

When joy and peace is felt in our hearts – it is fair to say that this is when the journal is complete, and if I must be honest with myself, I do feel a bit better than yesterday and how I have felt in a long time. What that means is what has been written has touched all in the illusion, because I cannot feel better unless you feel the same.


May this journal be complete, where now Life in the seen and unseen unfolds as it should.


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My wife has been ill for a few months now – a debilitating illness that affects her quality of life. This afternoon she asked me to go into her space to see if I could help. After a few seconds I felt the part of her anatomy that was not well, and from there I felt this living force within her rear its head to come and look at me face to face. It was unreal what I felt – a Beast looking at me, asking me what I wanted.


Where my wife works all of her colleagues have had a few of the covid jabs. The toxic environment within them must have shed to her. This I always thought was not possible, as a known intent of disharmony within another could not touch us through our will to not be associated with it.

How is it possible that over all the times I have assessed my wife I have not felt this alien, nanotechnology Beast growing within her? I am not a fool, so what happened?


What happened, was what I suspected, that within us was one who needed our help, but we could not help it, let alone help ourselves. So when there is a problem, and you don’t know how to solve it, you ignore it – you pretend it doesn’t exist. This troubled us, or should I say – this problem that we chose to ignore would not go away. And more than anything, this became our burden.

I can still remember when I first saw the Serpent soul. I was lying on a ceremony floor with the Ayahuasca fluid coursing through me. Next to me lay this man, and from his chest I saw these two Snakes arise. They hovered above him, looking at him with Love, and after a few minutes they dropped back into his energy field where I no longer could see them.

That absolutely freaked me out what I saw. I thought that poor man was possessed by Snakes, but what I never knew was what I saw was within me and you and everyone else, namely the Serpent soul. What I am unsure of though is why did I see two Snakes hovering above that man? What I believe is that if you look at something long enough, the object in front of you duplicates itself into two, where from one comes two.

By releasing the Serpent soul to where it belongs, we are released of the responsibility within us that we forgot about a long time ago. This, coupled with Consciousness knowing itself, we may see and know what is within our midst if we are brave enough to do so.


Did the devil win when the covid jab was released on our species – are we all victims to nanobot technology growing within us? The answer is a resounding “yes,” where through our ignorance we believed we were street-smart enough to side-step this evil unleashed upon our species. What I felt in my wife this afternoon makes me understand that within all of us an alien Beast was growing and taking us over, and we have been too floored by Life to understand what was within that was taking us over.

Why have I felt so utterly exhausted over the last few months? Was it because I was losing the fight within with an alien that I never ever knew was there? – You betcha! We the piece of meat was never the trophy to win – it was our Consciousness, but I believe the true goal was an attack from a Serpent species to take out all the remaining Serpent souls that refused to let go of their integrity and self-respect. These Serpent souls were the last ones standing against evil, and I believe the alien technology growing within us was the force to crush the innocent Serpent soul within. It was all about Bad Snakes against Innocent Snakes. You and I the spirit and body form just had to submit to the alien being injected within you, but we were never the target for evil – the Serpent soul within was.


With the Serpent soul yesterday released to where it belongs, and Consciousness standing strong within itself, unity and strength may be returned to the spirit and body form, and through this strength the alien within all of us may be noted and removed.

How close did we come to being totally fucked up? I would say we were weeks away to being taken over by the alien within – and that’s you and me, as well as the good, the bad, and the ugly.

We were not okay. None of us were okay. I could feel this, but I thought I was just tired from exhaustion.


That is friggin’ unbelievable.

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What the illusion lacked was Divine Intervention. As hard as we tried, what we were up against was a frequency field that was steering more and more away from what should naturally be, which is peace within, and Love for self, where this Love is then shown to all as an expression of what we are.

That is why, as hard as we pushed to keep the ship afloat, everything around us fell apart, where our density became denser – where Life became shitter. So many jumped on the bandwagon and rode this force of disharmony, where, as Life spun away from what should be, this momentum gathered pace and power. But this power was like an elastic band, where when stretched it grows, but you know it has a limit and then it breaks.


The price to pay for doing what you want when you want because you can was stupidity. We lacked foresight, as where were we going? Those evil beings in the seen and unseen who were at the top of the hierarchy knew this truth – that a God of Love was absent from the illusion. Unfortunately these powers that be focused only on themselves, where the more chaotic the System became the more power they had. But power over what! A failed System. Cruelty. Ignorance. Decay. A wasteland.

How stupid is that, where you are king and queen over a failed System – where your subjects are barbaric savages. All they had was the Reptilian frequency flowing through them – this power of understanding of this evil generated from slipping further and further from what should naturally be.


I am a clever man. When I was touched by the cruelty of Life ten years ago I had to understand why Life is so cruel. What I knew, which I never realized then, was that things would only get worse, not better. When you see Life for what it is – that it is shit for the majority out there – this awakening grounds you to what is, and from this location you see where the future will take us. If there is cruelty, then there is no God of Love, because a God of Love will never allow cruelty to her children.

I was clever enough to understand that unless an answer is met to eliminate cruelty from our existence, we will carry on going from bad to worse, where our high moments become less and less as the Life-force of the innocent is sucked dry, and all that is left is a place of barren desolation. As I drive through old neighbourhoods I see such places, where once people played and lived there, and now all that is left of the picture is a piece of cardboard. When I witness such things is scares the shit out of me, because what happened there will sooner or later touch your dwelling place and mine. This is the place of the mindless brute – the grey ones who hold onto nothing because they are nothing. To see such people in the environments they have made their own is a shocker, where this clever man was right, where what was bad becomes worse with each passing day.


We are against a frequency that has carte blanche – one that doesn’t care; one that is indifferent to your loved ones and mine. The only answer to this place is to jump ship and leave as soon as possible, because the stupid here like it here.

I have done everything possible to set this process into action, where Consciousness – this God-force within – wakes up and returns to where it belongs.


Last night was another bad one, with inconsiderate neighbours doing what they want. This is where it always starts, where the rot of stupidity and lawlessness sets in to suck the Goodness out of areas until all that is left is nothing – no character, no Beauty, no joy.

So you fight this dumb brute, where you tell them they cannot live just for themselves, where consideration of others is the values that make Life worthwhile. But you talk to a brick wall. So what do you do – do you move and wait until the rot comes to greet you there?


What I talk about will touch you and those you love, if it has not already done so, where you become engulfed by the stupidity of the brute. Now you understand you are alone, where around you is nothing, as all was taken by those who are insane and lack foresight, where they fall before the brute even falls. They know of no joy besides having their genitalia tantalized, and this alone is enough for them to say that Life is okay. In the midst of such barbarism we find ourselves, so don’t fool yourself to believe that you are okay, because what touches me and a few billion out there will touch you. Ten fucking years I have been working on this problem before the Life-force is sucked out of all that is good and pure – that last bit of hope here in the illusion.


What I stopped doing a long time ago was complaining – of moaning just to moan. See the problem at hand – be realistic – and then on the table find a solution to the problem so that one may move forwards.

The solution to the problem that is the cruelty of Life is Divine Intervention, where within us is a thread that connects us to the All. Everything I have done is to set this God-force within free so that it may connect with its Home of the fields of Infinite Love. When this Light shines, then so will you the spirit and body form, but until it does, be realistic and see what is out there, where you the spirit and body form are startled awake to always keep your side clean, where you are always kind, because this is all that you have that is left within you. Lose this, and you are lost, where the System has sucked the innocence out of you, as it has done to so many out there.


I jumped into the cesspit of the savage in the seen and the unseen to find the answer to set our Consciousness free. In doing that, I gave up a lot – I gave up where I belong, which is being amongst my own. I came to live amongst the brute to understand them, and I have had enough of this. I truly believe that this sacrifice was not in vain, where somewhere along the line what was said and done was enough to set the Divine within us free so that it may touch us. If this has not been done, then we are truly fucked, but I believe that what we have in our favour is Love is natural and Disharmony is unnatural. Sooner or later this natural Love has to come and shine through, where you cannot keep a Good thing down forever.


The answer is Divine Intervention. I was clever enough to not wait and hope, rather I jumped into the pits of Hell to understand what floored the innocent that they became Beasts.

With my whole psyche I pray that what was done was enough.

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What is still missing, is to remove the branding on the right side of our necks, and I say this, because as I sit here I feel the imprint there.




This is what Pierre Sabak says of branding in his upcoming book Holographic Culture (to be published in the spring of 2016):


Brandishing angels quotation from my upcoming book Holographic Culture.


‘In light of the fact that Michael is deemed to be a ‘Prince of the Host’, the wordplay ‘Mikiel’ (who is like God?) is it would seem a slight of hand and is a covert acknowledgement of the angelic lineage. There are however further possible interpretations. The cognomen ‘Michael’ is perhaps better transliterated as ‘mi-kiy-El’ (loosely a flaming God), a title that infers a strong affiliation between an ‘angel’ and a ‘deity’ otherwise an ‘Elohim’ and their cohorts the ‘seraphim’. The novel idea that ‘Michael’ is actually an ‘Elohim’ is a straight forward argument when carefully scrutinised and is furthermore an aspect found encoded in his name, listed below:

Registered the interrogative pronoun ‘mi’ (who, whom, from, out of) is incorporated with the verb ‘kiya’ (to brand, scar or burn), from the prime root ‘kviya’ (to burn). The conjunct ‘mikya’ (from or whom burns) is affixed with the name ‘El’ the abbreviation of ‘Elohim’ generically (a God). Significantly the incorporation of the title ‘El’ (God) assumes in a literal sense that the ‘angel’ is a ‘God’ or a ‘deity’ and is substantiated in the Aramaic. Relative the epithet ‘Elohim’ (the lofty or shining ones) is a designation honorific of the (Gods) and is a word interchangeable in the original dialect with (an angel). For example ‘El’ (a God) is used typically to signify angelic names, for example Raphael, Samael, Uriel, Gabriel etc…

Careful deliberation therefore suggests that the appellation ‘Mi-kiy-El’ can be interpreted as (whom or from the God that burns) in a figurative sense a ‘manifestation’. The phrase additionally infers consternation as demonstrated in the emphatic translation (who is this God that stigmatises Greek ‘stigma’ to brand with a pointed instrument).

As with the ‘seraphim’ e.g. ‘srefa’ (fire) the connotation is of a ‘flaming angel’ a ‘seraph’ an entity that marks his adversaries. ‘Michael’s epithet in the original nuance is therefore presumed to be a ‘conqueror’ and is considered to be an ‘Elohim’ or ‘God’ in his own right. Consistent with the Semitic tendency towards paronomasia the angel ‘Michael’ brandishes ‘makel’ (a staff, rod or stake). The analogy of the ‘inflamed brand’ draws inference to the angelic ‘kerubim’ Hebrew ‘kherev’ (a sword). An armed soldier, representational of the host the kerubim angel is depicted in biblical symbolism, Genesis Chapter 3 Verse 24 as carrying a ‘flaming sword’, and impresses a fiery weapon that induces burns. (The concept of the lighted brand is also implied in Sura 8 ‘Al-Anfal’ Battle Gains Verse 12, refer to introductory quote) in which the victims of Badr display strange brandishing marks:

‘Your Lord revealed to the angels: “I am with you: give the believers firmness; I shall put terror into the hearts of the disbelievers. Strike above their necks and strike their fingertips.” That was because they opposed God and His Messenger, and if anyone opposes God and his Messenger, God punishes them severely” That is what you get! Taste that!” – and the torment of the Fire awaits the disbelievers… It was not you who killed them but God: God is all seeing and all knowing’.

M.A.S Abdel Haleem, Qur’an, Oxford University Press, Sura 8 ‘Al-Anfal’ Battle Gains) Verse 12

In Sura 8 Mohammed cites Allah’s ultimate superiority, in which God is not above killing and using his army to rout or dispose of his adversaries. The Islamic annalist Al Bukhari archives the presence of the angelic host and their destruction at Badr. Dramatic, the account of Bukhari is gleaned from his witness Ar-Rabi bin Anas, who notes the following points:

‘On the day of Badr people could see those who had been slain by the Angels among the dead by the blows above their necks and on their fingertips which looked as fire had burnt them’.

Badar Azimabadi, The World of Angels, p70

Pierre Sabak, Holographic Culture, Serpentigena Publications 2016,




What was written about our branding must have been said in about 2015, almost nine years ago. I need to go deeper now to remove this state within us that makes us one with the illusion, where without us and the energy we release, the illusion cannot exist.


Go into the stillness of the silence to remove this ingrained frequency tattoo from our forms, and what you understand is that Consciousness must have been the initial target of this branding, as this was the battery that gave Life to all. Make the power source your own and you control the illusion.

What is this branding; this scar on the right side of our necks? Separate it from us to see what it is. When we became lost unto ourselves, they branded us to ensure we remain lost, where now we are theirs. What this branding is, is I feel a force slap-bang in the middle of our brain –it is like a rod pushed into the centre of Consciousness. What this rod/branding done, was remove any element of normality within our existence. Its main target was the heart energy field, where as I sit here I feel like I am about to have a heart attack, such is the pain within my heart that radiates to my jaw and mouth area. It is a squeezing pain of the heart which consumes you, and as soon as this disharmony arose, just as soon does it disappear, where what is now within our presence is seen as the norm. (The pain and separation from ourselves and all is still there – we just see it as the norm, where this rod that was branded within us split our very self.)

Compassion was squeezed out of us, as was caring, where we split away from all, not only for survival for ourselves, but to keep our sanity, as what we just went through is indescribably painful. It is like a stake; a large thorn being pushed into your heart, which causes physical pain to you, but also Blackens you to what was. Now we had to look after ourselves, and just ourselves, because we were in big trouble. We were so badly screwed over by this branding that we never had the capacity to look after any other, other than ourselves.


When we were branded, we were crippled, and I mean on all levels – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and of course, on the level of Consciousness. This branding must have been the first act of cruelty, because to put one through such pain, knowing they will never be the same again, is an act committed by one who lost all empathy and connection to what was, which was a child of God. The raw, cruel Beast branded Consciousness, where this lost Consciousness clung onto the Reptilian frequency of the illusion to find some stability in its lost state, and instead of helping Consciousness, we tortured it to enslave it so that we may live off of it. And if I say “we,” I imply all those within the illusion that could not pull finger out of arse to make this wrong right. We accepted what was, so we bowed our heads to not see what was in front of us, where we ignored the problem at hand.

I am not being hard on us, because our branding was to separate us from what we were, but we should have grown a backbone, and from there, we should have extended a helping hand to others. Together, we could have gotten out of this awful place, and these Beasts knew that, and that was the purpose of our branding – to split us apart, where Consciousness became sheared from itself, which split us away from those around us.


This rod that was branded into us that split the state of Consciousness is now removed from our space by understanding what it done to us.


What I feel now is the palms of my hands become warm. According to Sabak, our fingertips were also branded. I said in the journal this was to remove our Midas touch, where everything we touched turned to harmony. Let’s see if this is the truth.

Go into the stillness of the silence to understand what happened at our fingertips, and what I feel is a frequency world shift away from ours. Our branding at the fingertips made us lose control of the illusion, where what we wished to do to make the illusion our own, could not be done. We lost touch with our reality, and thus could not shape our destiny.

In shearing the “mind” of Consciousness, this could be corrected by Consciousness restoring the reality around itself, and thus itself, to what it should be, but with this branding of the fingertips, what we touched was an illusion, where our hands, and thus our intent, passed right through what was in our midst. What that means, is our lives, as in that of Consciousness, has never been ours to own – thanks to our branding.


This rod; this branded frequency, is removed from the “brain” of Consciousness now, as is its static effects that remain, where what was, may once again now be. The heart energy field is restored to its natural function as this process unfolds, and what happened at our fingertips is also no more, where what we touch now turns to Gold, meaning what we touch we make our own.

So be it.

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If you look at the cruel, and you ask yourself what they have that they should not, what it is, is they believe they can walk this alone. I don’t need you, you piece of shit, as I am okay, actually more than okay, where Life is good.


We cannot walk this alone, and I say this because I have walked alone for a long time and it doesn’t work. We need to walk with our God-force within – our Consciousness, where we are the vehicle to this all that is. And this walking as a team is a humbling, personal experience that you live for you, where you merely be waht you are with nothing really to say. You change and your world changes.

As you are now in a team, you always do your part and be kind. Sure, we will stuff up here and there, but that is okay, because that is what doing your best is all about, where you know you know nothing, but you do your best to be what you are, which is this God-force within.


You the spirit and body form walk with your true self, because now you can.


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The analogy of Consciousness being a well is a good description of what happened to it, and I say this because when I checked on a dog earlier on it felt like I was within a well.


The illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis was made up of a crystal clear, Beautiful water/fluid frequency. What this state is, is unknown here in this false illusion.

When I went into the space of the dog called Miloh earlier on, I felt a round, cylindrical well, and from the bottom this well water appeared, which filled the well. (This well is the Consciousness of Miloh.) I felt how this turbulent water went to the level of my head, and then it retreated and dissipated from where it came. As these waters left the well, what was left was this crystal clear, Beautiful water in the well.


It is not the church building that defines those that visit there, it is the nature of the hearts of those that sit in the pews and stand in the aisles. So what defined the illusionary Garden in its original state? The answer is we did – our purity did. To go back to the illusion as it was meant to be, we that are Consciousness go back to what we were, and when we are filled with this purity that we are, that defines the illusion in which we find ourselves. We define the illusionary Garden; the illusionary Garden as it was meant to be does not define us.


Those turbulent waters that were in the Consciousness of MIloh was what made us fall, where the disharmony within made us denser which made us fall from the pure state in which we found ourselves. It’s like you walking on a pane of glass that can accommodate you, but when you gain weight the glass cannot carry you so you fall through it. Take that analogy and apply it to a frequency field of bliss and joy that was the original illusionary Garden.

Those turbulent waters were in all of us, hence our proximity to each other and this Hell wherein we find ourselves. Even on this dense physical body, something like 60% of us is made up of water. Can you imagine that figure on the less dense spirit, where on Consciousness in its pure/natural form, I would say it is just a fluid/motion that is unknown to you and me.


The good news is that in the Consciousness of MIloh I found/experienced these pure waters of Consciousness, and that for me is friggin’ Wow. What is the interpretation of this that the animals have taught me and you? From these clear waters of Consciousness can we now too become pure, where we return to where we belong and what we are?

Fingers crossed that what I felt on Consciousness will touch you and me the spirit and body form. Understand the natural step from Consciousness being what it is, is for it to find itself where it was before the waters became murky, and that place is the illusion as it originally was. Surely what should be will now manifest in our reality? How can anything else but that happen – that which is normal.


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Always zoom out to see the big picture. Comparing the illusionary bubble to the Infinite as one grain of sand within all the beaches of the world would be close, but even that does not hold water, as the illusion is just that – an illusion – so how can you compare it to anything that is real? You cannot. So what is real – what is the Infinite?

What is the state of Consciousness within the Infinite, where by knowing the congregation, you may know the church building.


One cannot go into the stillness of the silence, because in the Infinite there is no silence – what is there merely is. So we have to ask Consciousness what it is, as in what defines it?

Deep within the heart energy field lies the state that uses the heart field to define it. What this state is, is if you had to compare it to the illusion, is in the illusion you express yourself through Play by the frequencies of joy and bliss that emanate forth from the abdominal area. In the Infinite, when you are born into its fields, you be what you are, more than express what you are. In the illusion you hear the laughter and joy of those at the fun-fare; in the Infinite you witness the awe of the rides that make up the fun-fare. And take that one step further, where you are the rides – where you can be anything you wish to be. You are not an expression of the ride that is giving you joy; you are an expression of the Source of the Infinite from where you were born. It is unlike anything we can imagine here in this Hell, and yet we that is Consciousness within the Infinite is normal. To say that we are Gods is not true because a God connotation gives rise to a hierarchical system, which is not what the Infinite is all about. When you have be’d this what you are, which is an infinite expression of the All/Source, then Consciousness returns from where it was born, and this state can be defined as a living silence – a Bliss that is Peace and Joy all wrapped into one. And once again, when you get there, it will not be Wow, where all that will happen will be that you declare you are Home. It is normal where you are, with no fireworks needed to illuminate the place. What you experience is normal, as this is all there is, can be, and will forever more be. It is Home, and what is the Wow factor is knowing you are where you belong. There is nothing else but this, and for this we are eternally thankful.

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Reality can be like a cracked window glass to see through.


Jeremiah 17:5 This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD.


What if all these frequency bugs are a curse with the intent to unease.

Edited by Untun
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Ask yourself why was Consciousness born from the Source of the Infinite to be within the fields of Infinite Love? And drag this question down to our reality, where why are we here? Fair enough, we are not meant to exist within this dump that is an illusionary Hell, nor are we meant to be within the illusion as it was meant to be. Our Home is the Source of the Infinite – this living silence that is a womb like no other. But while we are here where we don’t belong, let’s at least live as we are meant to.


it is now that we once again turn to the animals to answer the question of our purpose.

You are there to share your uniqueness with me, where it is damn good to see you. That is your purpose – to share your uniqueness with me, because what you are – what your take on the Infinite is – is different to mine. As a silly example, you might consider red hair your thing, while I consider blue coloured hair more in line with how I see the Infinite. Our uniqueness into what we choose to be born from the Source into the Infinite is why we are born – to experience different elements of the All that is the Source.


That is your purpose and mine, where I see in you that which I am not, and this tickles me pink, because you are Wow. My expression in my state of being is different from yours, and you see that which arose from the Source which you are not. But understand that we are not in a fashion show. First and foremost it is you that I see, and as we all arose from the same Mother, we are all one.

It is really good to see you, where seeing you makes my day and brings me peace and immense joy. So what is it about you that tickles me pink, where sitting still is a difficult task, such is my joy to see you? And this question is difficult to answer, as how do I explain what is my Love for you, where you uplift and complete me, as I do you. How do you dissect and put such a state into words?


It is the Bliss of being from the Source, and in the fields of Infinite Love you be this that you are, where you stand tall and proud in the Beauty that you are and from where you came. The excitement I have to see you and be in your company comes from within me – which is the Source within me. It is the pleasure of being alive, where the Source within me touches the Source within you and we share this wondrous state that we are.


It is to share that we exist – to share of ourselves with others, where in you seeing me, you see yourself, and what you see is Beautiful, because this is what you are, and more than anything, you are joyous in you seeing yourself in me.

That is how I feel when I see my animals – this pure state of sharing each other’s company as a reminder of what we are.


So when you get up tomorrow morning, remind yourself why you climbed out of bed. It is to share with others what they are that is within you. In this place there is no fear and no being alone. You merely are what you are, which is a child of the All. And may this that is you that is Consciousness, may this you never forget. Never again may you be lost unto yourself.

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The battery around which all Life was created/manufactured was Consciousness. What Consciousness forgot, was the spark within, and this spark was the Source – its Home – from where it arose. In its lost state it was manipulated and deceived, and this once  Beautiful well with its pure waters soon became a vessel to sow confusion and limitation within all that it touched. And so the spiral began, from a lost state, to a deceived state, to a state where Consciousness was a fraction of its former self.

From this mess, those Life forms that orbited Consciousness done their best to be happy and make a quick buck so that survival may be met around this new God, which was money. Without this God, you truly have and are nothing, so everything was done to bring this God into our existence, and if you think I am being sarcastic or wrong, speak to the poor, where they will tell you what is happening at ground level.


It’s a bastard that we drifted so far away from what was. In going back to nature, we go back to the simulation as it was – when it was still a wonderful playground. Nature hasn’t changed much, but we most certainly have, hence our desire to return to our “roots.” These were simplistic times, when time was slower and Life was clearer and had a more set course. But for us to go back to these times, and beyond to the state the illusion was before these times, the spark within Consciousness needs to be ignited – this Source within has to be known, where Consciousness once again makes this Home its own. Plant your roots where they belong, and everything else from there falls into place, where Life unfolds as it should.


Where is this spark that is the Source within Consciousness from where it arose? It is everywhere. About twenty years ago I walked up to a horse to treat it, and on the side of this horses body I saw a speck of light. What I saw stopped me in my tracks, where on a deep level I promised myself to understand this speck in front of me. So I became humble, where I surrendered myself to the animals so that they may teach me, because in that moment I knew that I truly know nothing.

What was that speck of Light? I always assumed that what I saw was Consciousness, but what if what I saw was the spark of the Source within us. This spark showed itself to my Consciousness so that we may return to what we are. What I saw was the Home within that would make us complete, and this I never knew.


Take this spark – this speck of Light – that is everywhere and make it your own. And when you see others, show them this that we have all forgotten – this Home from where we arose. And from there be at peace, knowing you are connected to Home.

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This spark of the Source that was within us was removed intentionally by those that branded Consciousness, and I say this because when I went into the space of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia, I felt and saw this speck of Light; this spark from the Source, and then I saw this open space in the middle of her head, and this spark fell into this void.

This spark was removed from Consciousness, and in its place we were branded, where this branding shoved a Disharmonious rod where the spark should have been.


This manipulation was what gave the Beasts and the architects of the illusion their cock-sure confidence that the illusion was their playing ground, where now they could do what they want when they want because they can. And they were right, where no help has been a coming for a long time, where the innocent have suffered shame and pain whilst Beasts thrived in their exalted status of kings and queens of the hill. My goodness, how could they not feel any remorse? It was because so many done it; that cruelty became an accepted norm. What we never knew, was that it came at a price, where we made fools of ourselves and lost our dignity, where now we became watered-down versions of the illusion that was running on chaos, and how prevalent is this chaos within our existence, where nothing makes sense.


Is Consciousness in a position now to cross that great divide, where we step from the illusion into the Infinite, where our feet taste the Home that is? I would yes, and up to this point, when I look back, I understand why beings of Love could never touch you and me here in the illusion. It was because they could not be what they are, which was Consciousness with its Source/spark returned within it. Without the Home within us from where we arose, we could never truly know and be ourselves.


All the layers of the onion were peeled away until what remained was the lock that fitted into the key – the Source fitting into Consciousness.

How many times have I said that this journal is complete? How often have we wished to return to Harmony and Peace as a natural and only state within us? How much more do we have to push until the above-mentioned is met?

What I can say, is monumental efforts have been done to keep us away from what is real, namely the Infinite. Through understanding, these bolts and screws have been loosened and removed, so when the house of cards does fall – and it will – those that saw this as home will have a rude awakening to what they allowed themselves to become at the expense of others. Here in the illusion I doubt there was ever perfection, where we all stuffed up now and then, and this I still do, but the difference between me and the Beast is I never meant to harm another, where if I stuffed up, it was me compromising me. But having said that, I believe there is blood on all of our hands, where through our survival instinct heads were trampled on and losers made. For this I am sorry, where I forgive myself for being the fool of trying to make a home where we don’t belong, where everything involves effort.


So don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t try and make wrongs right, rather just be what you are, and in doing so what was wrong will become right.

This speck of Light from the Source settles within the heart energy field of Consciousness, where from here, the Love that you are shines for all to see. Now you can Play, and from there, merely Be.


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Awoke from a deep sleep last night to see through my Third Eye two of them working on my wife. The one looked Oriental, where she had short hair, and the other I could not make out their features. Both were covered in a plastic jumpsuit that went over their heads, where I assume our dense frequency was not compatible to these spirits.

As I saw them, my focus broadened, and I saw the pipe that was positioned over me. Then I remembered the implanted dream I had just followed as I slept, of young boys getting up to mischief of a farm.


Remember, remember, remember. Where are you? You are on a Harvester world, where your energy is syphoned by others so that they may feed from you.

As I lay in bed last night and saw how my energy and that of my wife was being taken by these spirits, I thought of spoiling their fun and taking it back. When I began to see the unseen in my sleep state, every night I would see these different looking spirits come into my room and take my energy. One night I had enough, and I told this spirit that my energy is  not theirs to take, so give it back. The spirit I spoke to that night was a male in a wheelchair, and as hard as he tried, he could not leave my space, where his wheelchair could not move to go where this spirit wanted to go. Only when he gave me my energy back could he leave. And such is the power of understanding.


Often I watch the video “greatest speech of all time Carl Sagan” which I find brilliant, and I wonder if Carl came to know of the true function of this Pale Blue Dot, which is a Harvester Moon of energy for Beasts that dwell within the Reptilian frequency of the illusion. All that bloodshed Carl, as well as all those joys, are merely frequencies we emit to feed those that hide in the shadows, where they hide so that we may not see that everything is one big lie.


Why would I take my energy back from those that came to harvest it from me last night? Do I not take energy from the plants I eat? What would happen to me if those plants held onto their energy and did not give it to me? Yes, I give thanks for what I receive, but those plants can also be sticky and show me the middle finger. Why would they do that? Maybe in defiance to this big lie, where we are more than just a food source to others. Surely we are more than just an emitter of energy to keep this illusion alive? Who in their right mind would want to keep an illusion alive when they can rather return to what is real?


Will everything change through the writing of this journal, where I promise you its frequency has touched the deepest corners of this Hell, and I say this from what has come to show itself to me in my sleep state. That lady that was a mist with the mask on her forehead was one that comes to mind of truly the unseen in an unknown world. She just came to look at me, whereas the rest came to destroy as this is all they know. 

When I saw those two spirits last night and realized that nothing has changed in my existence since day one of writing this journal, where I had merely gone full circle to what I knew from day one, where dreams/stories are implanted within us as we sleep, and when we give attention/energy to these dreams, this energy is harvested by those that implanted the dream. So what has changed in all that has come to be understood?


What has changed is two factors. The first is that we have always known of only two things – the first is either to take, or to give, where the one state is for the winner, and the other is the losers. Unfortunately for us there has always been only one winner, and everyone else loses, either in the short or the long term. But what if everybody started to win, where I help you and you help me? You might say this system has always been in place – it’s called barter, or what capitalism should be, but I disagree, because what I am talking about here does not involve someone losing, where we all win, and this system I talk about can only work when one sees the big picture, as in where and who we are, what happened that we found ourselves in this predicament, and most importantly, where should we be. With that understanding we all work towards a common goal, which is rise up to embrace and be the Consciousness that you are. Let me give you an example.

Those that came last night to take my energy, I saw them and their game-plan, and I could easily have destroyed their plans, which would have put them on the back foot, where now what they have always done no longer works, which would have rattled them and their existence. Now fear sets in, where now they are afraid of not surviving, and this is the truth, where the same can be done to us. I have seen the monster called Cancer, who places its frequencies within us to grow and fester, and when they spawn they return to this monster to make it stronger. Today you can be okay, and tomorrow you are dying, where it is not your time to go, but Beasts in the unseen need the energy from you and those who love you – this angst of “I don’t know what to do” frequency that floors them into despair that they never fully recover from.

So what I said to those that took my energy last night, was I told them that this dense body form needs money, and if they could help me by passing on money frequencies to me. This money is not for a pair of shades that I saw in the shop window that I thought would look sexy on me but I cannot afford them – this money I ask for is to buy an expression of what is me in this frequency, which is peace within. Live on a main road on either side of your house and that noise is something I cannot get used to. So I asked those two spirits for money for Steven in exchange for the energy they took from me. Will they give it to me? I don’t know. What I do know is they have seen the big picture of who we are and where we belong, and always have I said that we need Divine Intervention, and what this Divine Intervention is, is us helping each other, where through us, the Divine works.

There is no contract between me and these two spirits and those from where they came – all there is, is a simple request from my part, where in helping each other, we return to what we are.

I wrote for those in the spirit realm because I believe they have more savvy than us in the dense body form, and also because the spirit has a greater influence over the dense body form than what the body has over the spirit. The spirit sees and understands more, hence my work is primarily there and with Consciousness. So if this Steven asks you to give me a few dollars so that I can move to where I belong, the response from others would be to fuck off, but the spirit realm, together with the understanding it receives, sees the big picture. The right environment where I stay does not define me, but for one who has a noise-sensitive issue, it is the platform I need to be at peace here in this frequency. Others will laugh at what I say, but for me it is important to be encapsulated by silence.

So we the spirits help each other, and in doing so, return to where we belong.


The second factor that has changed in writing this journal is we now have free will. We can stay where we were, or we can move to where we belong. It is the right of those two spirits who came last night as I slept to tell me to fuck off in response to my request. That is their right, just as it is my right to walk away from them to where I belong and no longer be a part of their game. Want to eat to stay in an illusion? That’s fine – just fuck off and go and feed from your own as I am no longer in your frequency world as I move on to what I am and where I belong.

Now we have a choice, which we never had before, and the key element in the centre of this line is Consciousness knowing and being what it is. You are on zero now, where we are all on an equal footing by all understanding the big picture. Do you go forwards, or do you go backwards into the negative where you were?


That is your choice, but know that sooner or later we cannot do this alone – we need help. That help starts with you, where are you prepared to help others just because you can? If those spirits from last night don’t want to help me, that is okay, because what I am in now, is a natural cycle, where when you give, by default you have to receive. I will get what is coming to me from who and what I am. Give to give, and you receive so that you may once again give, as this is who and what you are – an expression of the Love within that you share. You will be drawn to your own as you return Home, and this Homeward journey is all that counts – everything else is irrelevant.

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What this journal has taught me is to be true to myself. If I pack up today and say “enough,” then I do that for myself, where there is no ways I can help you or anyone else because there is nothing more left in me to give.

I am okay with that, because I know myself and my limits. It has been a long slog that I walked with my animals, where in my fellow species I find one disappointment after another. Am I the same; do I disappoint others? Through their eyes I am sure I do, and my response to that is I done my best. I would have done nothing different had I the choice to do it over again. It would have been lovely to walk with others, as this would have picked me up to stand on a foundation, and this would have prevented lifetimes of wandering. My animals picked me up, but they could only take me so far, and from there I had to find my feet and start walking.


I need to be true to myself, because in this crazy place it’s all I have. In branding Consciousness, it split us up into units, rather than being a collective whole, and this isolation is what rattled me the most because I knew if we stood together, rather than try to carry each other, that together we will walk Home. This never worked, because we all had our opinions, and these opinions defined us, where being wrong is a dent to my ego and what I came to define as me, so I cannot be wrong. The fault is with you.


Now when I sleep I see spirits working on me. Never have I helped my wife or my children or myself, but I helped the spirits, not because I wanted something from them, but because they needed help. Now the tables have turned, where I need help from them. I am floored, and in being true to myself, I need to assess the way forwards. There is nothing left in me to help anyone, so I have to be true to myself. I am a good person, which means I have to be good to myself.


When I was touched by the cruelty of Life it floored me, and I was going nowhere until I understood why Life is so cruel. What was it about cruelty that floored me? What it was, is that the cruel show no remorse. What they are and do is seen as the norm to them, and this spun me round and made me fall, where I had to ask “What is going on here?” Now I understand the big picture, so I can once again stand on my feet, but what is my response to the cruelty of Life? What it is, is to walk away from this madness, because that is not me. I am true to myself, where I walk to where I belong. The reality is I need help, just as we all need help, where we cannot do this alone. I have done everything I can to help the spirits because the spirit realm was a mess, where we the spirit forgot what was real within us, and this made us literally fade away, until what we were was no longer there, where now we drifted as what we are, which is but an illusion within an illusion, where we forgot to be true to ourselves. Know what you are – not what someone else tells you what you are.


I have walked alone, and this has stopped, as now spirits walk with me to help me – because I need help, where I overextended myself and wished more than anything to disappear into the illusion away from everything. But that is not being true to myself.

May those spirits help me, because there is nothing left within me. Why now are they helping me and you? Maybe because in me helping them, they are in a position now to help me. Maybe they are being true to themselves, where Life is about uplifting others and not just yourself. Maybe they understood that to take is not the answer, where you give, and then you receive. You take what you receive from you giving. To take is no longer an option, because all you do is exhaust the giver, where you move on to the next giver and the next and the next. That is the parasite within you that comes to the fore, where this illusion is full of those who believe they are entitled. Give to me. I want. Give to me. It is about me. What they never knew, was when the giver is no longer there, they float – this disappear – because what are they? What is within them? The answer is what others gave to them, and nothing of themselves. How about being true to yourself, where you know yourself and thus stand firmly within yourself.


In being true to myself, I know I have lived for others, because it was never just about me. Others suffered, as have I, and I had to do everything to help my brothers and sisters. This I have done, where if I was so lost that I could not look after myself, then the next best thing was to look at the plight of others and ask what the hell went wrong that there is no Love in this place? I knew that in finding your happiness I would find mine, and this I must have gotten right because now when I sleep I see other spirits that are helping me. In helping them, they can now help me. I have found my happiness in finding yours – I just need help to get back on my feet, which these spirits are helping me with.


So be true to yourself. Receive what you have been given from the process of giving to others. Share. Uplift. Don’t be a parasite where you take and expect, where all that is within you is what you have taken from others, where you are a nobody – a gutless parasite.

Be true to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Know yourself.  

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Those that come to assist whilst I sleep are the village idiots – Hewey, Dewey and Lewey. Thanks, but no thanks. Will take my chances and go solo, as I have always done. At least I know what I have in myself and can work with that.


Within the Source of the Infinite is the spark. From the Source is born Consciousness, and it is the spark that supplies the battery that is Consciousness.

This Consciousness is the essence around which all Life is created/manufactured within the illusion. The crux of this journal is for Consciousness to remember what it is, so that from this Light we the spirit and body form may be the image of this Light that is Consciousness.


What I missed was the other components that make up Life, and that is the frequency panel that is you and me the spirit and body form.  Frequency panels/chips were manufactured by those in the illusion, and around these microchips the software was installed, and this software was compatible to the environment, as in the world/frequency in which that specific software/species was spawned into. That is why you and I are essentially the same. What is intellect? Give me a piece of wood and I cannot sculpture a beautiful statue from that. I also cannot programme a computer, and I believe the cause of our stupidity was the program of divide and rule, where technically we are all the same through our hard-drive microchip, where as one we work together and in unison, but chaos was needed to keep the illusion alive. This problem of how to divide the masses sorted itself out through the want within us, as well as the cunning nature in some, where their sole purpose is to prey on those around them, and when the timing is right, the fly is in the spiders web, and the spider sucks the Life-force out of the spider at will. Put in simple English, left to our own devices we can be an awful bunch, where we prey on the goodness of others, or more simplistically, we take just because we can, and our excuse for throwing our dignity to the wind is Life made me do it. Never will I forget those two females I saw in my sleep state in an African bush with their brown-coloured skins lying face-down in the sand. They saw what this place was, and they refused to lower themselves to be a part of it, so they lay down and passed on a place they can call home in the illusion. It is for those I write, because every second of every day I feel as they do, where what a pitiful waste it is being in a place where you don’t belong, where whether you like it or not Beasts enter your space – those that have lost their dignity and relish in who they are and what they have become. If anything, I write for those two females, and I write for myself so that I do not become them, where we rather stand tall in who we are. Those two were true to themselves and what they are, where they refused to lower their standards and be anything less than the God-force of Consciousness within. Their dilemma was they were trapped in this place where they don’t belong, and how much of being in the presence of Beasts to we have to endure?


Why am I not amongst my own? The answer is I am. Those around me with the hard-drive microchip frequency are my own. The difference between me and them is our software program, and what that is, is how far are we prepared to let our dignity and self-respect slip? This software program of the heart field is the difference between me and the Beast in the seen and unseen, but at our core we the program – the frequency unit – are the same, hence the cruel stepping into your space and mine whenever they want, because like attracts like, where our hard-drive microchips are all the same.


I had to find Consciousness so that it may remember what it is, but the problem at hand is there are two captains sailing the ship, which is exhausting, as well as confusing for the software program that is you and me that is the ship. There can only be one captain, and that is Consciousness, because that is real. We that was created around Consciousness is not real, where we are not as important as we think we are. Our happiness is important, because that is a given – a natural state, where this is an expression of Consciousness. We are not meant to think, we are meant to be this expression of what we are, which is Consciousness.


In turning Consciousness on, I never realized I had to turn the frequency/microchip panel off that is us the manufactured unit. Don’t bring Consciousness into the picture here, because in no time we turned our backs on what was real within us, and besides, Consciousness was lost unto itself. So when I say we should have stuck together, where we cannot do this alone, I am talking about the spirit and body form and Consciousness. For me and you that is the spirit and body form, we need to do our parts and let Consciousness drive us, where we are the vehicle, and Consciousness is the driver, and how this is possible is for us to turn off the hard-drive program within us. There cannot be two captains of the ship, because one is all we need to show us Home and what is real. I guess this is the ultimate act of being humble, where you choose to cease to exist – where you surrender yourself to something bigger than you, because that is real, and you are merely an illusion. I am not concerned about the soft-drive that is what makes me different from you, because that is a byproduct of survival and how low we allowed ourselves to fall – it is the other captain of the ship that needs to go – our hard-drive frequency panel – so that Consciousness may shine and be.


Where is the turn off switch within the frequency panel that defines the spirit and body form? We need to unplug that, as in turn the switch off, and from there allow Consciousness to plug itself into our spirit and body form.

What Consciousness sees as it scans the hard-drive is an area on the left upper neck. Shut off that area on the hard-drive, and plug Consciousness therein, and now we are one, where we work and stand together – the spirit, body form and Consciousness. This I do now to myself.

Now Consciousness overrides the illusion, so that we may rise above this place and make it our own, and that state that we now are, is the stepping stone to the illusion as it was meant to be. When we have finished playing therein we return to the fields of Infinite Love to be, and from there oneness with the Source.




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In asking why Life is cruel, it is expected that one can ultimately squash this work of Evil and bring forth what should naturally be, which is Love, respect and humility for self, and this expression of what you are is passed on to all around you.

However, in demanding an answer to such a question, one needs to read the fine print before you can embark on such an endeavor. The first given is one needs to become humble, because if there is even a smattering of “this is what I believe,” then this will always steer you to your truth and what reinforces your truth. So you have to be humble, where from the depths of what you are you understand you know nothing.

From this platform, you seek the truth, where all the bullshit that comes your way washes off you like water off a ducks back. You seek the truth, not your truth or my truth, or the universal truth, but the truth that touches your heart and makes sense to you, and to find this heart truth, one has to step out the picture and ask “does this apply to everyone; will it uplift all?” There are so many out there seeking the truth, and in some I am blown away by their commitment to knowing what is the truth, but this commitment is soon seen as something that is for themselves, where it is “look at me – I uncovered this, and I told you so.” That’s an ego-maniac, where the empathy and concern for all is real, but first and foremost their ego has to be kissed, buffed, and caressed. Those individuals catch me every time, where you see their intelligence and commitment, but what you don’t see is that first and foremost it is about me. What a waste and a shame, because those individuals have a lot to offer to society, but the foundation that they are sooner or later crumbles because they are not as important as they think they are.

Yes, first and foremost do it for you, because something on your heart is pressing you that won’t let go until you find a solution, but you understand that the problem at hand is bigger than you, where you are not the saviour but merely the instrument to uncover this truth, and when everyone is okay, then so are you, and the fulfillment of the innocent being saved is all you need, as now a wrong is made right – not for you, but for everyone.


Seeing the big picture, where we are all in this mess, is a given to get to the raw truth, but there was something else I never knew one needed to scrape the bottom of the barrel to get to the bottom of the truth, and that was one needs to made a full circle, where look at the big picture, and from there come back and look at yourself, and the reason for this is because we are a part of the big picture – we are the nitty-gritty small things that make up the big picture.

What are we? Do we really know what we are? And here I am not talking about Joe Smith or Ethel down the road – I am talking about your Consciousness and mine. How well does this punk know itself? I would say not very well, so let’s see if I am correct.

How can you look for the truth out there when you are sitting in a cesspit of faeces and urine, where you believe what you are, and where you are is okay, as this is all you know? Who is fooling who? In seeing the big picture, I would say it is now a good time to look at the runt that is Consciousness so that it may be free of its preconceived ideas of what it is.


How do we do this? The answer is you scrape away everything until nothing is left, because that is what we are – we are nothing, where from this nothing comes a state of being, and this being is a representation of from where you came. This being is not you -  it is a representation from where you came, where you are humbled by the glory of being this that you are, which is from where you came.

From nothing came everything, but to know this everything we have to go back to being nothing, which is a template from which the Source and the Infinite may be as well as express itself. Here, in this place, there is no hierarchy, there is only an Infinite Love, where we all return to nothing, so that from this nothing may once arise the everything. So that is Consciousness. You believe you are something? You are not – you are nothing. That this nothing is filled with the Glory and Love that is Everything is humbling and glory to all that behold this the All that shines forth from them, but there is one simple rule that needs to be met. The first given for the spirit and body form to uncover the truth is to become humble, but you can only go for far, which is practically nowhere. To go back to what we truly are, which is nothing – this living silence within the Source of the Infinite – Consciousness needs to become humble, where it understands that to enter the kingdom of Home we return to the innocence of a child, where you laugh just because you can; where you are kind just because you can; where you are Everything because you arose the Source of the Infinite. You are everything that can be, has been, and will forever more be, and the base foundation of this All is to know that you are nothing, where only from this pure innocence of nothing can come Everything.


Understand that – that Nothing and Everything is one and the same, but to experience the one, one has to be the other.


So what are you Consciousness? What do you believe you are?

You believe that you are something that is bigger than you, where in this universal tapestry you have your vital place. That I question, because where you are is not where you belong. Everything you have come to understand and believe is a lie, where all you do is keep an illusionary Hell alive. In this place you are a tool for the ego and the righteous, as well as for the downright cruel, because here in Hell anything goes. This Game is more about survival, it is about being cunning, where how can I take everything you have without you being aware of this. The days of clubbing each other over the head to resolve a dispute are long gone – now the Snake in the grass in the seen and unseen hides in the grass until their job is done, where their actions irreparably damage you and they think nothing of this.

You are nothing my friend, so don’t believe you have some role to fulfill for the greater good of all. How do you know what others want? How do you know what is best for all? Do you believe that you are bigger than others, where others need your help, and you have the answer to help them when you know nothing about them? Do you believe you are the saviour – the chosen one?

“Well, no Steven. I believe in the simple things – the joys that are brought to others. I believe in touching the hearts of others, where by them crossing my path, their lives are uplifted for the better. It is the small things that build the big things – the rocks that build the walls; the drops that create the oceans; the song of a bird that goes unnoticed yet touches all in a most wondrous way.”

Where there is good, bad will come, and where there is bad, bad will stay. The nature of the Beast is they were floored by this illusionary Hell, so what changes them is to get out of their environment to where they belong. Sure, a helping hand of kindness touches all, but that is temporary, because you pick them up to walk in the same place wherein they fell. The best of intentions from a kind heart mean nothing unless you know who are and to where you are carrying the destroyed carcass of the innocent.

You are helping nobody my friend. All you do is pick them up so that they may once again fall, and what is a real shocker, is look, as in truly look how many out there accept this hole in which they are trapped. This is all we have come to know – this pittance of an existence filled with confusion and lack of depth, and this place many call home.


You are nothing, and you are not here to make a difference. If others really wanted a difference in their existence why would they look to you? Surely they would look first and foremost to themselves that is the spirit and body form, and in doing so, would understand the answer lies not in them, but what is beyond them, and what this is, is take away the smoke and mirrors and all that is left is nothing – this raw state from which the Source of the Infinite may express itself.


What else do you believe you are?

I believe that I do not know myself, where what should be, is rather dis-eased. I am big enough to believe I don’t have all the answers, but I humble myself to live for the spirit and body form, and this means I believe in free will, where it is not for me to judge or interfere, because eventually the spirit and body form will see the Light – they cannot dwell in the Darkness forever. I know that, and you know that, and deep down, they know that.

(In having a conversation with another, the worst thing to say to the other is they are wrong, because immediately it puts their backs up against the wall, where they shut off and go into defensive mode. But for now, this is what I wish to do to Consciousness, where this runt needs to understand it has to come to the party for all of us, because as long as it is righteous, which makes it lost, we the spirit and body form within the illusion are going nowhere.)

I see others wherever I go, and what I see is an acceptance, where as tough as things are, they are okay. Many know they are not okay, where they are truly messed up, but what can one do about that. So in not finding an answer to the cruelty of Life, you accept, and from this acceptance, some in their broken states build on this, where it becomes their goal to prey on others, because this is the only way they can see forwards. So that foundation, where we are broken, we destroy others to try and mend our broken status, and through that journey we consider ourselves intellectuals, where now we are going forwards within this illusion that we make our own. And now you Consciousness tell me that it is not your place to judge others – this spirit and body form to which you are attached? You do not judge others because that would mean you would have to judge yourself. You are a dummy – a spineless dummy that refuses to take charge of the Life that was created around you.

We will fall; we will carry on dropping to the depths of this Darkness until there is nothing more to take – where we have taken everything from all around us. Go to those worlds as I have, where all it was known was to take at the expense of others. And when there is nothing left to take, where others have taken from us and we from them, we disappear into the Nothingness of the Forgotten, where we forget this Light that is Consciousness. Why did this happen? – It is because you that is Consciousness was the neutral peacemaker, where you felt it was not your job to get involved in the free will of others. What you never understood is we never had free will – we never saw the Light of Home because you were too busy kissing arse and being a goody-two-shoes while Hell continued to burn in your midst.

What I do agree with is that you don’t have all the answers, which is testament to the illusion, where what this place is, is shameful and disgraceful. You don’t have the answers – you are correct – so what are you going to do about it? Hope and pray that we the spirit and body form will figure things out? You know that will never happen as we are so lost unto ourselves, so what is your solution to knowing you don’t have all the answers? How about letting go of everything you hold true so that you may understand you have been bullshitting yourself whilst we the spirit and body form have been suffering here in Hell all alone, where your presence has been absent from our existence – a real loser parent figure. How are we meant to help ourselves without your guidance, where that is impossible because you refuse to guide yourself to where you belong and what is best for you. You that is Consciousness is a loser, and such is all Life that has been created around you. Some of us know this our status, but most do their best to make this wrong right, but in the big picture their efforts are worthless because the Light around which they were created is the biggest loser of us all. And if you think I am being cruel or ungrateful for making such a remark, look at sea of faces around you. Go into the Reptilian frequency of the illusion and see those Beasts that dwell in the core of the illusion. What you see is filth – truly and utterly disgusting filth. And then from there, come into the seen world of Steven, and what is there is truly the charlatan, where these idiots don’t just live to fool others, but primarily to fool themselves, where they refuse to be accountable for their actions, and I believe this is so because they truly don’t care about themselves or others. All they are, are bricks that make up this awful place, where there is no escaping this hell, where if you are honest with yourself you understand where we are is truly not where we belong.


So let me tell you Consciousness my take as in what you are.

You are lost, hoping to make the best of a bad situation. You fool yourself that you are something, but take a good look in the mirror at what you are. Are you peace, where the peace of others is reflected upon you, where your peace brings them peace?

Are you joy, where your joy is everlasting as this is a natural state, where there is nothing but this joy?

What are you? Besides fooling yourself, how many out there are still falling for your interpretation of what should be? How many have fallen never to stand up again because of you and your lost ways. What will the Infinite say to your actions? Are you not shaming the Infinite and the Source from where you arose? If you don’t know the answer to that question allow me to give you the answer: You are shameful; you are a disgrace, and so many of the Life-forms who were created around you became you – disgusting beings who lost integrity and replaced it with their righteous beliefs of do what you want when you want because you can. I believe you call this free will. How can you give a savage free will and believe it is okay to do this?


What is your take on the innocent that are destroyed by the cruel?

“Well Steven, we are here to help each other, where together, we may understand what is true in our hearts. There are those who fall victim to the cruel, where these walk the path with the cruel to find an alternative to cruelty, where eventually all understand that Love is the answer, where Love of self means Love for all, and in seeing that what they do destroys Love in the other rather than placing it there, they change their ways, but in this situation the innocent do not feature. Why the innocent suffer is because they are in the hands of the cruel, but look past the cruel, I am there for them.”


Absolute garbage.

The innocent eventually become the cruel because Evil/Disharmony/Discourse holds sway here in the illusion as we drift further and further from the fields of Infinite Love where we belong.

I am a good man. Will I remain a good man forever? When people are cruel to me, will I take away everything that defines them to show them they are the nothing that they now have? I don’t think I will stoop so low. Will I become a bitter man, where I see the bad because all that is left is just bad? I believe this will happen, where once I looked so hard for peace and the simple joys in Life, but now I see the misery that is left before it sinks into The Nothingness of the Forgotten. And that you stupid fuck is thanks to you, because without you returning to what you are, we will never make it here.


Go back to knowing nothing because you are nothing, and from this nothing Everything may be born.

2nd January, 2024 (Rest in peace my beautiful Fiona. You were filled with pain from your body shutting down, but that never stopped you from being the joy that you are. May Consciousness learn from you, this master of Love and humility that you are.)  

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Over the last few days I have been punch-drunk, where I am spinning in one direction, and the world in another. It is an awful sensation – something I have never felt before. You go to bed feeling totally out of it, and you know when you wake up you will feel the same, where the world and your reality is slipping from you in a bad way.

This morning just before I woke up I decided to get to the bottom of it, where whilst I was still sleeping I had the energy to delve deeper within myself. One of the things I felt in searching for the cause to my delirium was a possession in my left foot that went past my ankle. There was an entity there that was possessing me and living off my Life-force, but this never made sense to me because I know myself, and this possession I would have picked up a long time ago on my spirit and body form.


What I have felt over the last few days, is the state of my Consciousness. That possession – that possession was on Consciousness. How is that possible? Easy – You give your attention to the illusion, then you become the illusion, where what the illusion touches, touches you that is Consciousness.


This I never knew. Fair enough, we knew that Consciousness was lost, but we never knew how lost it was, where what was real in the illusion became unreal just like you and me the spirit and body form. Maybe I am being a bit too hard on Consciousness, but for me this is unacceptable. Yes, Consciousness became sucked into a job where it believed we the spirit and body form would return to the All through lessons learnt, but how long before you throw in the towel and say “I need help here.” Even now, as I write these words, it feels like a part of me is overheating from exhaustion. I always knew we have a breaking point, but I never knew that applied to Consciousness as well. And yet in retrospect, why wouldn’t it, where if you rule the illusion surely the illusion touches you as well?


Fall for the last time, where in this fall you surrender yourself to the Infinite. Believe that the Infinite is bigger than this illusionary bubble, where you surrender the lives that were created around you to the Source of the Infinite that is within you. This spark that charges you the battery will reboot you that is Consciousness to what you are, which is an Infinite state of being and expression of the All.



You have to let go my friend, where the Infinite will catch you and look after you. Drop. Fall. You will be caught and looked after.


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