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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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What was written in this journal was for all within the unseen realms of the illusion. I figured if you educate the spirit in its less dense state, from there the spirit will filter its transformation to the body form.

Over time it became understood that the big kahuna was Consciousness, where by this Light awakening unto itself, its rays will by default touch the spirit and body form, as around this Light all life was created/manufactured by the cosmic geneticists. So ask me who created the cosmic geneticists and architects of the illusion? There was a time when there wasn’t doom and gloom, where Life was created through joy to experience joy. When the journal began years ago I was one night given the name Haman. This was the chief cosmic geneticist of the illusion. There is so much you and I don’t know, where from nothing came everything, where from a sound or a will the Infinite showed itself. In those days there was much Beauty, and I would say these pure beings of essence formed those who would facilitate the creation of Life.


To truly know yourself – this Consciousness in its pure, original state – is to know Life itself, because from you, you created to play within the Infinite. When your state dwindled into a frequency to match that of the illusion, you forget your role of creator, and others done it for you, where around you a spirit and body form were manufactured.


How will I know when Consciousness is in its true state?

All I have ever known in seeing the illusion for what it is through my Third Eye, is seeing what is, which is what I insisted on seeing, which was the truth of what is, where Beasts roamed and ruled over us, where their presence and dominance over the seen and unseen of the illusion was hidden, because we had to believe in Goodness in the world, and somehow, somewhere, Life was unfolding at it should. This belief was absolute nonsense, where we were going backwards, rather than forwards Homewards bound.

It is my belief that when I see a being of Love through my Third Eye as I sleep at night time that Consciousness is what it is, where it shines for all to see through a spirit with their full Power of Love restored. I have to laugh, because how many times have I tucked myself in bed, hoping above all hope that in this night I will see a being of Love. When you see these beings, in them you will see yourself, and so each Light will shine for the next one to see, where they know themselves, and so on it goes.


But all of that is just my speculation. What I do know is something has to pop, where we hold onto the rope and something pulls us upwards. Surely in seeing a being of Love you see yourself, and in that moment we know we are no longer alone, because now we know what we are, and that is all we need.

What a momentous occasion that would be – in seeing the opposite to what has been in the illusion for so long, where Love makes its presence felt and seen.  


May that day or night arrive.

7th November, 2023

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This illusionary Game we were created into had to be fool-proof. This was not some Mickey Mouse operation we found ourselves in – it was a well-orchestrated; well-oiled machine that worked, and has been proven time and time again that it works. Living testament to this is our proximity of where we are. How many have left the illusion to dwell amongst the fields of Infinite Love where we belong, and from there have returned to the illusion to tell the tale? How many have opened the doorway between the illusion and Home and have ushered us out of this illusion where we don’t belong?

I don’t know of any, and if there were, I would have found them and left this place a long time ago, taking the innocent with me.


What drove the Game was Deception, where we believe one thing, which is the complete opposite to the Game we are played in. We had to be played the fool so Beasts in the unseen may eat and survive in this dump of a place, where from day to day we survive. Oh yes, there is still so much Beauty here, but this cannot be appreciated and Loved when you are crawling from work to home to survive.

But what really drove the Game was confidence, where these units that were created were going nowhere except where they belong, which was to slot into the machine and pump out their destitute energy, where behind the brave face is one that dies a thousand deaths every day.


What backed the Game that created this confidence that their Game was fool-proof?

Built within you the manufactured spirit and body form, as well as the frequency that was Consciousness was a fear factor, where you will not dwell past these walls because you are afraid. The walls of the illusion are within us, and what they are is a programme, where when you go close to these walls to surmount them to go Home, you are told a story, and that story makes you afraid, so you remain in your prison cell that is you the manufactured unit.


Where does our fear come from? Our core fear comes from the “wall programme” within, and please understand that dummies did not create us – these were highly intelligent, evolved beings that used their gift of creation backed up by their fear of not surviving, so what they done they made sure would work for add-infinity.

You can tell me that you have no fear, and I can tell you that within you the programme is a “wall programme” which keeps you the spirit, body form and Consciousness in the jail that is the illusion. That is why your  Consciousness and mine cannot flip from a frequency state to its real state – because of the fear it encounters when it hits the wall programme.


My wall programme is the fear of failing my exams, and this wall programme was thick, super-reinforced, as well as bomb-proof. You cannot believe the fear throughout my life, both in my sleep state as well as my waking one, of me failing my exams.

Last night as I slept I hit the wall programme once again, where when you touch it, it shocks you back into the false illusionary reality with one powerful, hidden message which is “stay where you are!” Going into the stillness of the silence to avoid this wall when you trigger it will not help because this programme is built within Consciousness and those around it. So what you do is find this programme within and delete it. Go within and see where it is. If you use you the body and spirit as a measure/image of Consciousness, this wall programme is located within the left thumb. I feel the movement of Consciousness through itself, where it searches for this wall programme within itself, where I feel Consciousness flowing through itself, and then at my left thumb the movement stops and cannot go past a certain point within the left thumb. That is where the wall programme was hidden, and where it is, is where it disappears from our existence by us knowing it has no place within our existence.

Can other wall-programmes or similar software programmes be installed within Consciousness and those created around us? – No, because the game is up, where we know of such programmes and thus they can no longer enter our space.


Now the wall is down as the wall programme is no more. Let’s see what happens from here – are there other walls, or is there an open doorway for us to pass through.


(There is another programme within that limits us, where it was installed within us to keep us in the Game. That programme is the “love programme,” where when Life is shift – which is practically always – this programme is always running in the background.

I love you, and that fulfills me and takes away the raw harshness of where we find ourselves. Often, throughout the day, I think of my animals, and sometimes when this is done I spontaneously call out their names. My love for them wipes the slate clean that this place is awful, where now I can begin anew in that moment with a different perspective. “Come on Steven! Get a grip of yourself man! Why all this negativity! Embrace Life; make the most of Life; smell the roses; see the good, not just the bad!” That is the “love programme” being activated and played out, and let’s give our creators their due – they sure as hell are clever.


We are not meant to fear, and we are not meant to love. We are meant to be what we are, which is an expression of our Home which is the fields of Infinite Love. We merely are, and what we are is everything, which is the natural bliss of being. What we are, is that which is not limited by an illusionary frequency.

Where is this love programme within us? And in me it is strong, where I love all – the good, the bad and the ugly, where I entered the Reptilian frequency of the illusion to engage those that dwelled there. I went not in with courage, but with love, because I do love all, and that is why when I turn my back on those who have cut me deep, I always somehow knew that what these Beasts have done to themselves by crossing me is catastrophic for them, because when you need help I will walk to wherever is required to set you free. Kick me in the teeth and you now walk alone, and you don’t know it, but you have just closed the door on one that could have helped you. Now you will know what it truly means to be alone.


The “love programme” was embedded within Consciousness in the area what we would call our heart energy field. What we felt there was not real – it was  a programme. When others break your heart, they are touching this programme of love, and that is why love hurts so bad. What we experience is not real – it is a software programme that can spike up and down. First time puppy-love, and we are soaring in the clouds, where when reality sets in and you see the flawed person or spirit in front of you that you love, now this programme hits a low. Eternal, natural Love that you are is indifferent to an illusionary state. This “love programme” that became our heart energy field drops to make way for what is real, which is merely a state of being, where you reflect the Everlasting Love that you are.)

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What drove the illusion? What drove the Beautiful Garden to a space where the wheels came off and Chaos became the norm? To answer that question look to the Parasitic frequency of Deception, this innocent worm that done all it knew, which was take. Are you trying to tell me that this entity could not see the carnage that was unfolding before its eyes? Yes, we all have free-will, and we are all accountable for our actions, where we choose to become cruel or not – that responsibility falls on our laps, where we decide what we become.

What I would like to know is what was this Parasites take on what was happening all around it from its frequency being in those in the illusion. We were given the gun – this worm frequency – by our proximity of being in the illusion, and ultimately we decided to pull the trigger or not, but what has this Parasite have to say, where a paradise; a Beautiful garden, turned to a hell that shamed and destroyed the pure and innocent.


Go into the space of this Parasitic frequency and you will feel its Consciousness, which is something I thought it didn’t have, where I was wrong, as this cannot be true, because Consciousness is everywhere, as is the Infinite which Consciousness is an expression of.

We talk about us being lost, but none was so lost as the Parasitic frequency of Deception. When I go into its space, what I feel is a searching and a longing for it to find itself and others. Oh man, how sad is that. Consciousness became lost and deceived in the illusion, and this was intentional, but none was as deceived as the Parasitic frequency of Deception. As long as this worm kept on doing what it always done, and was kept isolated from all, this Parasite continued to do all that it knew, which played into the calculated hands of sheer evil.


Those Beasts within the illusion made sure the Parasite never touches base with others or itself, where it remains lost unto itself to keep their agenda/Game in place. How horribly, horribly cruel is that!

My Consciousness touches this Parasite now and sets is free from the illusion, where it knows itself, and from there returns to the Infinite that it is.

I am so sorry for slandering you. Truly, in the ignorance of this one they call Steven, truly I know nothing, except maybe that I am a fool. You are free my friend, and my personal hand makes sure of that. Call forth your frequency within the illusion and go Home to the Infinite from where you were born. I do Love you so.

9th November, 2023

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Watched half of the documentary Escaping Twin Flames on Netflix last night. It’s about a couple who believed they had the gift of knowing who your twin fame is, namely your life partner.

I turned the documentary off and when to go and lie in bed with my head against the headboard, and I had this awful feeling within me. If I see you every day and we have a good chat about everything and nothing, then it is fair to say we are compatible with each other, the reason being we share the same space.

Now look at the big picture of where you are – you are within an illusion, amongst your own. Whether you like it or not, you are in the same space as these awful beings, so somehow, somewhere, you must be compatible to them. That is the truth, because we were all manufactured and placed in a harvester colony/frequency/world to emit our energy so Beasts and the illusion may survive. That I understand. What I also understand, especially in watching that documentary last night, is those deceitful, warped-minded entities are not me. That is not me. That will never be me, where I prey off the vulnerabilities of others so that I may benefit.


For as long as I can remember I have been lost and lonely. As a teenager, when I sat in a crowded room my face blushed bright red – that is how shy I was. My social skills were non-existent, and what made that worse was my intensity within – a real serious person, where it is what it is and what it should be.


But this I never accepted, because deep down I wanted to live and be joyous and at peace. So every day I wanted to be better than what I was the previous day, where never did I accept my personality of this is who I am. What I wanted, above all, was to live life, and this meant becoming better than what I was.

When the cruelty of Life floored me almost ten years ago I put on the breaks and said I am going nowhere until I understand why Life is so cruel. I am not a cruel person – I am a lost person doing my best to be happy, so what gives others the right to let their insecurities out on me and feel they have a right to do so?

I was going nowhere until I understood this insane phenomena of cruelty that came to be the norm in this mixed up existence. I am not like that, so why are others? So I fast-forwarded to the root cause and to see the big picture, where why was the illusion in such a state?


I am thankful for asking that question and walking that path that led me to where Beasts dwelled, but where too from here? You see, I don’t like being in the proximity of the cruel and the seriously confused, which is one and the same. Yesterday spoke to people at an architectural and attorneys firm, and after a year and a half of dealing with such unprofessional, unethical people I had had enough, where I am tired of being in their proximity because they flabbergast me, because I am not like them. That couple that ran the Twin Flames enterprise – I am not like them. So what am I doing in their proximity, where by default I have to be like them because I share the same space as them? The answer, as previously said, is we are all a manufactured unit, where some held onto their integrity and others did not, but regardless, we are the same.


And that is where I beg to differ, because I am not the same. Our link to cruelty/Beasts was our core frequency that made us the unit up, and this frequency that I was is shut off so that Consciousness that is me may shine. All I ask is the simplistic, which is to be me, which is Consciousness remembering what it is and being that. That is all I ask for, because I am not what is out there, and I refuse to carry on being associated with what is out there, because that is not me.

I walk away from them towards what I am, and this is enough for me, where I know myself – that is all I need.


Last night as I slept I felt this strong presence of a group of spirits as they moved over my space. My hair did not stand up – my whole body vibrated as their frequency touched mine. I looked at what they were, and then I looked away, as I had no real interest in what was there. What I momentarily saw was a group of deranged spirits, as in twisted, lost beings. Just as we are deceived in the seen realms, so too are those in the unseen, where factions there form groups that become cults, and when the train comes off its tracks what is left is deranged beings.


Over the years I watched documentaries like Escaping Twin Flames or Making a Murderer because it spurred me on to understand what I saw which is out there. Getting worked up yesterday with those unethical people drove me to ask what the hell does the Parasitic frequency of Deception have to say about a paradise that turned into a hell thanks to its participation. I was shameful for my insinuations, which you cannot presume when you know nothing, but what I am trying to say is when I saw madness it spurred me on to understand what the hell is going on – why after all that has been said and done are we still living amongst the insane when we should be where we belong? I am not cruel. Sure, I am lost and know nothing, but I respect you just as I respect myself, so why can’t you respect yourself and me?


I am not here to play Daddy to the cruel, where we sit down and have a good pep-talk. I am here to find a way out of this mess to a place where I belong. I don’t do this for you, I do it me, and one day when that door is open, you are most welcome to walk through to where you belong if you wish. There was no time but to do it for me because I was so lost that if I did not help myself fast there was no way of helping others. And by helping others is showing their spirits what I know. That group that came last night as I slept, they came to see what I know, because to be lost unto yourself, where you are trapped within an insane asylum that is you, that must be awful.

So whatever I wrote I wrote for me because I don’t know you. Maybe you like it here. I don’t, so I wrote for me, which was good because I cannot bullshit myself, where I always subconsciously ask myself “are you happy Steven; are you at peace?”


What I do to heal others I find impressive. Some I cannot help, and that is also okay, because my ego knows I do my best, as well as deep down I know nothing, which keeps me humble with my feet on the ground.

I am not happy, and I know I am not where I belong – in the seen and the unseen. What I also know is I am on the right path, where I will get there eventually. You need to know what you are, but equally important, you need to know what you are not. I am not those in this frequency that is the illusion who never strive to be better than what they are for themselves and nobody else but themselves, because they have to live with themselves and what they are.


I don’t walk towards friendship or group hugs to quench this loneliness within me. I walk towards myself, because when I know and are myself, that is enough for me. And if you wish, in you seeing me, you may see yourself, because from that aspect we are all the same, where we are Consciousness – this Beautiful, Beautiful state that knows nothing but peace with itself and the all that is the Infinite.

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Tomorrow Diwali is celebrated. An explanation to describe what this Festival of Lights is I found Wow, because that is what this journal encapsulates – to set alight this Light that is Consciousness within. I wrote to bring forth Diwali.




“The festival of Diwali symbolises the victory of light over darkness, knowledge over ignorance, good over evil, and right over wrong. It is an occasion of high spiritual value as it signifies the opening of our own true light which sparkles within us and sharing this glow with others as well. 


When we ignite a candle or an oil / ghee lamp, it is to open light in the physical space. Similarly, on the auspicious occasion of Deepavali when blessed candles and lamps are lite, they illuminate the energetic pathway to Open the Light within us. That is why for seekers of Light, Deepavali has a special significance and value as it is a once in a year opportunity.


The festivity of lights reminds us of the importance of knowledge, significance of understanding self and knowing and seeking the good and right pathway. Deepavali is the celebration of our inner light over spiritual darkness, of knowledge over ignorance and right over wrong.


On this day, the energies of Light take over darkness to spread love, joy, positivity and enthusiasm.”


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Are you John, Paul, Jane or Mary?


I am Mary, Steven – a good person, with a good heart, always doing my best for me so that I am in a position to help others at all times if need be.


What are you really Mary, besides a good person?


I am Consciousness, this God-force within that became lost unto itself but now has found itself and sees that which it is , where it is, and where it belongs, which is the fields of Infinite Love.


So if you are not Mary, then what are you, this Consciousness that you are?




Now that is an interesting question. This that we are, what is it? It is an eternal, everlasting force, but from our perspective, what is it?

Through my Third Eye as my body sleeps at night time, I have seen all shapes and sizes of life-forms from different corners of the illusion, but what I have never seen is Consciousness in its true form.

Is that not a fascinating question to ask – what is this that we are; what does it look like? If we are frequencies and Consciousness is real, what is this presence that came to play in the illusionary Garden?


When I see the Consciousness that you are, what do I see? To answer that question, I believe one has to see a being of Love whose Consciousness is fully awakened within. What shines from within them is this Love state, and in seeing that, I believe we may see what we are.

So what is a being of Love? – It is Consciousness who has returned to the fields of Infinite Love – its Home – and from there drops back into the illusion to show us what we are, which is what it is. Around this Consciousness may be an image of a being we can relate to, for example one who has arms and legs and a face, but what shines from within that gives it its presence is what it really is, which is the Consciousness that you and I are.


What a fascinating concept – to know what we are, which is the complete opposite of what we have always been.

How many are willing to take that leap into the unknown of what we are to know ourselves? – I would say everybody.


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And so the climb begins out of the hole we found ourselves in. For how long have I been hovering around the perimeters of insanity, holding onto my sanity with all I could? This you never understand whilst you are in the situation, because you hold on so tight there is nothing else to focus on but all you have, which is knowing what is right and wrong, where what you experience is cruel, making you feel like a duck out of water because you are not cruel. When you let go of holding onto yourself, do you see how bad it was, where what you had was nothing but survival.


This week I saw two dogs whose spirits were broken from being overwhelmed by the cruelty of Life. There was no more spark within them, where they just went through the motions. In such cases you completely break the mould that Life had formed around them, and from there you remove the broken pieces, heal the spirit by knowing it was broken, and from there allow to return what always has been. Then understanding is necessary of who and what they are and where they belong so that what happened may never happen again. You heal Consciousness and the spirit, which will relay the results to the body form.


Always come back to reality, where you see the illusion for what it is, and know that this is not you. As unhappy and un-grounded this Steven is as he sits here, he knows what he is and where he belongs. Life is not meant to be broken, where this is all we know, where an element of satisfaction is felt in talking about such matters, where the country and the world and the illusion is in such a mess. Look how bad things are, which is great, because I am not so badly off, so I feel good about myself that the mess out there hasn’t touched me.

Unfortunately for us it has touched us, because as the frequency wherein we exist drops and becomes denser, so too does our existence. The changes are gradual so we don’t really feel them, and before we know it, we are rock-bottom with our finger up our arses not knowing what to do. At that point it is too late, hence the rush and push to finish this journal.


What impact has the cruelty of Life had on your existence? There have been blows that rattled our cages, but we had to bounce back as soon as possible to continue in the flow of Life. I think the question we have to ask is where and what would we have been if we were touched by the Love of a God rather than the cruelty of Beasts in the seen and unseen? That answer for me I cannot even fathom, as what is here typing these words would have been replaced by a model citizen of God, where I would have glowed in the euphoria of what I am and in my family/unity of Love with all.

Such words and states sound surreal, and this is our measure of how lost we became as to what is important, where what is the norm feels like an impossible pipe-dream.


Once again, I have to laugh at myself. Last night watched a movie until I couldn’t any more so that the fatigue will knock me out so that I don’t have to hear the traffic outside, and fell asleep hoping to see a being of Love through my Third Eye. In seeing these beings it means they have entered the illusion to touch all, but as I said to my wife a few months ago, are you and I not beings of Love? Are my animals and yours not Love? Yes we are, but Beasts still enter our space because our Consciousness is not as it should be, where I feel by Consciousness being Home, only then will Consciousness truly know itself. So what is holding Consciousness back from returning unto itself, because the Infinite is within us just as Consciousness is?

I would say it was our lost state, where our mould has to be broken to bring forth what has always been there underneath our dense frequency.

The reason why I had a good laugh was because I thought I would see beings of Love in my passed out state as I lay in bed sleeping last night. Instead I felt these dystopian states within me – these patches of moments that were unpleasant, and what I felt was there was the bruises and dents that were a part of me from being touched by the cruelty of Life. I helped those broken animals, where the spark returns to their eyes, but who would have helped me if I stopped holding onto my sanity with everything I had? Thus the push to finish this journal as soon as possible so I may be what I am and where I belong.


It was a helter-skelter night experiencing the damage that I could not see and know about because there was no time to lick our wounds and recover – it was carry on swimming and wait till the next wave tumbles you.

See the big picture of where we were – it was and is a Hell that is absent of a God of Love. We the manufactured units focused on the Game rather than getting to know ourselves, where we exalted in our successes, no matter how small they were, because we believed we got the better of Life, and yet how far from the truth we were, where those successes or lucky breaks were there to balance the scales of Life so that order may be met out of chaos. It was never about us and our happiness – it was always about the System and feeding the Beasts within its bowels.


May our lives unfold now as they should. May the weeks stop rolling over to months and years, where time becomes faster and faster as the illusion spins more and more out of control. May Consciousness within take to the reins and steer us to where we belong, where in seeing your happiness, I too know that this is my natural state. The diamonds and gems of the illusion pulled us apart, where we should have focused rather on ourselves and see the jewels that we are. How symbolic is the story of Aladdin, where you look towards the omnipotent force that is the lamp rather than the distractions and the false pleasures they bring us. Aladdin never knew of the genie within the lamp, but when he saw the lamp he knew it was something spectacular. And I feel that is the same reaction we will have when we witness Consciousness in its true state, where it merely is what it is, but what it is, is something words cannot describe.


How long have I been writing this journal? It was not only written to understand the cruelty of Life, but now I understand it was written to keep my sanity, where every day I know I am better than what I was the previous day, and the same can be said for all within the unseen who read what is written. By being better than what we were, we move closer Homewards bound.

But once again I have to have a good laugh, because I write and write and write and nothing happens where this Steven is helped. My understandings kept my spirit alive and my Consciousness from losing itself forever, but how has it helped Steven?

Ask me what I want that I don’t have, and I can give you a short but powerful list of what I am that I don’t have that I should because this is who and what I am, but I will ask for just one thing, and that is to see beings of Love during my sleep state, because that will mean that the Infinite is walking amongst us, where we are no longer alone, and thus will always be cared for, receiving what we naturally are.


When I see beings of Love; when I see the Consciousness that you and I are, that is when this journal is over, because no longer will we be alone.

What is the delay? – I would say shedding the damage that the cruelty of Life inflicted upon us. I can’t carry on waffling forever – sooner or later this story has to come to an end, and if it is later than sooner that will devastate me, but end it will. May the outcome be natural and harmonious rather than catastrophic for me, because I keep things realistic. I know what I am and how much I can take. May Consciousness pull finger and begin to shine and lead the way.

12th November, 2023 – A blessed Diwali day to all.

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Last night as I slept was given the word Amagou. Was given another word before that one which I forgot, so let’s focus on the one we know of for now.

Pierre Sabak is the pro in terms of finding the true meaning of words, but I don’t want to bother him, so will do my best to understand this word.

Google on my phone says the noun Amogus is a crewmate or imposer character from the video game Amongst Us. Urban Dictionary says Amogus is a method of extreme psychological torture well known for its extensive use in the 2020’s. It only acts on victims looking at screens. “He was amogus” “oh god”.


When I go into the frequency that makes up the word, in other words a frequency was born with intent that they labeled Amagou/Amogus, what I feel is movement in the heart energy field. This frequency was dropped into our heart space to be amongst us, because we are all inherently good thanks to our association to our Consciousness.

Now I feel our heart energy field disappear, as in it fades away as this Amagou frequency hovers above this sinking ship, seeing the outcome of what it was made to do, which was deflate the space where joy and happiness are born within us. Our heart field was our foundation within the illusion as this place manifested from the Infinite which was deeper within the heart field just beyond the illusion. From this springboard this Love presence washed over Consciousness at our throat area, nourishing this child of the Infinite, and from the throat Consciousness and its joy burst forth into and through the head to be, where it expresses what it is.


The Amagou frequency was created to flatten the heart field, which was a representation of the Infinite within the illusion. We remove this Amagou frequency now by knowing it exists and has no place within our existence. This frequency created the smell of rot within the illusion, where everything could not naturally grow as it should. The natural Love/Garden that is the heart energy field was no longer any more, where nothing could now “grow” and come unto its own.

This piece of shit is no more, allowing the heart field to be what it is.


What was the other word that was given that I forgot? When I go into its frequency, I feel a horizontal circle go around the heart energy field, where this circle spirals round and round into smaller circles. That frequency that was born/created consolidated/condensed the heart field into a close knit unit, and in this confined space they dropped the Amagou frequency to take out the heart energy field.

This frequency is too now no more.


And that is why your Consciousness and mine is present within us in its awakened form but has the capacity to do nothing to influence us the spirit, body form, and Serpent soul within. This was so because Consciousness could not be fed the presence of Home that allows it to grow and be.


As of now, that has all changed.


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When I hear the loud music and boisterous of others wherever I go, I see it as a social decay/rot, where what is within our hearts and souls is shown in the seen worlds. What I hear and see disgusts me, seeing how low we have fallen, where our solitude is found in chaos, where we want this chaos to touch others, as we are proud of what we are and thus want to show this to those around us.

This is the snob in me coming out, as I am not that filth. Did I play loud music as a kid? Yes, I did, for a short period in my existence. Each weekend I would also try and get drunker than the previous one, and that was harmless “fun.” But being a lunatic did not define me – it was merely a short phase I went through, where I soon grew up and understood there is more to Life than cheap thrills.

What I am talking about here is not some teenager that ups the volume for a song they like – I am speaking about the inconsiderate who don’t give a rats-arse about anyone else but themselves, and this is the norm for them.


Go deeper and you will see that in the unseen there is method to this madness of bombarding us with helter-skelter frequencies of noise. On one or two occasions in my waking state have heard this unseen noise, which is a non-stop bombardment of chaotic noise to keep us rattled and not functioning properly.

So let’s go to the heart of this intentional noise that makes sure we can never be in a state of peace and quiet. What and where is it?


Beacons were placed all within the illusion in the unseen, and this can be likened to the cellphone towers that are now everywhere. This shit that was emitted from these beacons were sent to the Amagou frequency within the heart energy field, where now chaos became our pathway to walk upon. And it was a literal chaos frequency that was emitted all the time that became a part of our existence. How many out there could not make sense of this frequency where it took them over and they became certified insane? But that was never the purpose of this chaotic noise frequency – it was there to give us a rough edge, where around our fringes chaos may be met, where we all develop a vice to fit into the madhouse that became the illusion.  We had to become one with our new home, and this chaotic noise was the answer to ground us into now where we belong.

These beacons now fall, as do their static energy that became a part built within us as this noise became a part of who and what we are. How disgustingly cruel these brutes were.


No more noise.

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About half an hour before I woke up this morning my spirit was taken to meet the spirit of my deceased dog Max whose body died thirteen years ago. The feeling I had in hugging him was the most joy I have ever experienced.

He looked differently to what he looked when I knew him in the seen realms, so when I woke up there was a twinge of uncertainty as to whether it was Max or not. When I thought of who I saw and the tears began to flow like a dyke bursting its walls, I knew it was Max, as only he can get such a reaction out of me.


Before I saw the spirit of Max, I saw a Serpent in my presence. This was the one who brought us together, where as I saw the Snake, it retreated from our company so Max and I could spend a minute or two together.

That I found most interesting in seeing that Snake.


When I was about six or seven years old, as I lay in bed at night time waiting to fall asleep, I saw the faces of spirits up against the ceiling looking down upon me. They had Human faces, and they were beings of much Beauty. Their presence was there to let me know I am not alone, where they are there to lovingly look after me. This I never knew at the time as I was a little boy, where I did not understand what I saw. My dad belonged to a spiritualist church and asked the head honcho there to come and close my Third Eye so I could not see these spirits. Can remember lying on the couch in our lounge as this twat worked over me closing my Third Eye.

What was normal – what should have happened – was my parents should have explained to me that these spirits who so lovingly looked down upon me were there so that I may not be alone in this journey through this Life, and that understanding would have meant the world for me, and most certainly would have transformed the life I had.

You can’t touch and feel what you can’t see in front of you, where I no longer saw those that watched over me, so I walked alone.


Last night before I slept I thought of that time when they closed my sight to seeing beings of Beauty, and I said to myself that I choose to once again see the Good that is out there. In seeing them in the unseen, surely you will see them in the seen as well. Almost ten years ago I asked to understand the cruelty of Life, where my Third Eye was opened to see where I was walking into, which was to those that dwelled within the Reptilian frequency of the illusion – that funny-farm where Beasts dwelled who fed from our energy as well as destroyed us just because they can.

Now I choose to see the Beauty that is out there as there is much of that. In the past it never meant much to me as it was a plastic Beauty, where what you saw was genuine, but what it lacked was understanding, and this was so because Deceit was the name of the Game, where we were not allowed to see what was hidden in the shadows that ruled over us.


May those with Beauty, which for me is Inherent Goodness, rise up with the understanding they now have, where this conversation comes back to the Snake that I saw that brought Max to me. This is the other side of the coin that I have not even considered over the years – that many in the unseen realms choose not to fight Evil but rather to be what they are, where they hold onto their integrity and Beauty no matter what. I always thought we were alone, but this was a false perception that was interwoven with the fact that I had to find the truth alone, where what I saw and understood had to make sense to me. There was never a gathering of information to prove my point to others, where I can debate with them that I am right and they are wrong. It had to make sense to me, and the drawback in that is the loneliness one encounters. I have never pushed others away from me, it was just that my push to uncover the truth isolated me from all as this truth had to be known, where truthfully, I forgot about this “bright side of Life” – those that are damn good beings doing their best just like you and me.  


When Max passed on thirteen years ago, his spirit told the Animal Communicator that he will be there, waiting for me when my work is done. May meeting his spirit a few hours ago be a sign for all of us to start seeing “the bright side of Life.” It has always been there – it just lacked an understanding of the Game we were manufactured into.

May we all begin to rise. When I hugged Max I called him my beautiful lion, and that is what we all are – Beautiful Lions.  

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The worst thing about uncovering the truth is seeing it before your eyes, where what was hidden in plain sight for all to see now reveals itself in front of you. What this truth is, is we allowed cruelty to become a part of our existence, where as long as I am okay, I am okay. What happens to others, where we benefit from their expense is okay, because what we achieve brings us joy, where we are ecstatic in this Game of survival because we survive/win day in and day out, so Life is truly glorious.

Always it has been where the one benefits at the expense of the other, where we take rather than give.


Where did we think this will take us; where will it end one day? It is a mad world out there, and it looks like there is no sign of it ending anytime soon. Haven’t we had enough of this self-abuse, where we take and never give? Do we expect this to have a happy ending?

There is so much chaos out there that it is starting to drown me, where as hard as I try, I see no more Good in this world. It is a mess, where the masses embrace this mess and make it their own. How do the sane survive in such a place?

The only way is through Divine Intervention. May God help us all.



What never made sense in what I wrote was the stillness of the silence – never could I find a satisfactory definition of what that is. When the journal began, it was also often written about the importance of breathing with intent. What the hell was that all about?


Energy goes where attention goes, so what you give attention to you give energy to. That is one aspect of us the manufactured unit, and that is why, built into us the unit was the means to implant stories/dreams that we give attention to. As you have a device to make a cappuccino with foam, so too is there a device/process where Beasts enter your space, activate this device which pulls together a story, often with characters from your existence, and we follow this story/dream where we give it attention and thus our energy.

Put your cup under the coffee maker, press the button, and voila – an espresso at your fingertips ready to be consumed. So too is it with cruel, disgusting Beasts – activate a system within us, and voila – we are giving off energy that they feed from. Even now, after all these years of understanding, what happened last night, as happens every night to me and you, we do what we are made to do, which is feed Beasts that come into our space when we sleep. Watch Monsters Inc. and that is a watered down version of what happens when you sleep. The animation film actually portrays what happens during our waking state, where we are fearful and give off this fear energy to keep the System ticking over. At night time when we sleep it goes to a whole new level, where what we were manufactured to do kicks in, which is pump out energy to the Beast that just entered our space. With a belly full of our energy, the fun often does not stop there. How about a good fuck!


 Not too glamorous, are we or our existence. It is disgusting and cruel what we the spirit have been downgraded to, but look to what we have done to the animals to harvest their energy, and we are the same. We are the same, because this is all we know, because this is all we are – an emitter of energy to Beasts.

How do we change this us the manufactured unit, because what I wrote above last night was me in a bad way, and what happened there was the programme that we are was just running and doing its job. Take away the simple or over the top pleasures we have in Life and what is left – the answer is a programme to emit energy. No fun in that, as well as no lessons to learn – just another brick in the wall; just another manufactured unit doing their best to survive and be happy.

So how do we override the programme of us the manufactured unit? (This unit is the duo of the spirit and body form, as well as the manipulated/dumbed down state of Consciousness, where it knows all it is shown, which is not much.)


Within you is the heart energy field, which is a representation of the Infinite here in the illusion. This is your home away from Home, and this is the place you must give attention/energy to so that you the programme may be overridden by something bigger than it which is Consciousness. But here in the illusion Consciousness needs to touch base with what is real, so unless this heart field is touched all the time, we the unit and Consciousness are going nowhere.

So what the stillness of the silence is, is us touching base with the heart energy field all the time. How is this done? It is done by us giving our attention/energy to this place within, where “I see you,” and from there we cease to function in our limited state. This attention is given through our breathing, where on a subconscious level, we breathe within, but we are not breathing in air, we are breathing in an awareness that with each breath, we go within and be home where we belong.

As I sit here, my breathing is still there as it always was, but a new breathing mechanism has fallen into place which reminds me I am where I belong – I am not focusing on the frequencies of the illusion, but rather the heart energy field within which is linked to the Infinite deeper within our space. The less dense we become, the closer we get to our real Home, and please understand this is not some castle in the clouds – there is a thin veil separating the illusion from the Infinite, and what removes this veil in an instant is our deep understanding of the Infinite being real and the worlds in the seen and unseen are just an illusion.


So now when you breathe, you the spirit, body form, the Serpent soul/kundalini within, as well as Consciousness have shifted gear and are connecting to what is real within you via the heart energy field. This enlightens Consciousness, and from there Consciousness plays to bring forth the joy and peace that it is.


To understand the stillness of the silence one had to get the heart energy field working as it should, which we have done, and from there to bring forth this base foundation into our existence, we had to re-route our focus of attention to this real state so it may wash over Consciousness, and this was done through the subconscious understanding of altering our breathing to a different mechanism where our focus is on within and not without. That will transform us the manufactured, programmed unit to which Consciousness was chained to, setting all that made up the manufactured unit free.


That is Divine Intervention, where we touch the Infinite within which touches us.



(May that be the last.)


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What I also never fully understood was the word given to me one night in my sleep state that was Haman. I asked Pierre Sabak for his take on the word, and he gave me his take on the story between Esther and Haman, and I think Mordecai.

I would like to go into the frequency of Haman now to see what this state is.


The frequency what was called Haman that was created can be called by another name, which is Jiminy-cricket in the Pinocchio story. The frequency was our conscience that was to always be our guide, and I say this because when I bring forth the Haman frequency as it was intended to be, there is this line that connects the heart field to our throats that extends up into the head, meaning, whatever you do, always know your place – always know what you are, which is a representation of the Infinite.

I felt – said – that Haman was the first cosmic geneticist, and this is not true, but take it further, as in deeper, and see that this frequency was our first built in programme, which was the plain and simple message of always be Good/Love as this is from where you came.


No doubt this frequency became touched and rattled by the powers that be, which can be represented by the frequency Esther.

What I feel happened to this Haman state, where we may always know our place within the illusion, is I feel now a swaying of this thin, still line that connected us the manufactured units to the All/Infinite, and there this line is removed to make way for the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, which is felt as a disgusting, vile force – something you literally gag at when you see it.


Go back to what was – go back to this frequency line they called Haman, by knowing it was there and was then taken over. This line is restored to all and remains there in those that wish it to be. That is our grounding; our rock that keeps the connection of the Infinite to the heart field to Consciousness, and from there to the All (the Infinite and the illusion) wherein Consciousness may play.


(Take two: May that be the last.)


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Another word I saw given during my sleep state when the journal began was Kwinn. Below are two extracts from the journal relating to my take on this word:


“I wrote the above section one evening as I lay against my bed headboard. The next morning just before I woke I was given the name Kwinn. The name came to me and stuck in my head. When I searched the internet for Kwinn, I found that it was the name of a character from the Real American Hero comics.

They described Kwinns’ character as:


            “A mercenary that worked for some of the most despicable people on earth.  And yet, Kwinn 

            holds a strict code of honor that urges him to keep his word and maintain his part of the bargain.”


This confirmed to me how our spirits have kept their part of the bargain with despicable entities. It is not so much a “bargain,” but moreover a commitment or connection.”




“(There is one last thing I want to mention, and that is our role of Kwinn. Our self-instilled preposterous allegiance to the Necromancer and other entities that do not want to be helped is a lose-lose situation for all and sundry.

Our role of Kwinn literally casts an invisible chord that binds us to Evil, and this Evil never lets us go.

The spirit has to be made aware of this chord, and then the spirit has to break this chord so that it may be free from Evil. To ensure the chord remains broken, the spirit has to be aware of its heart energy field always being open, so that the connection to the Infinite prevents Evil from hijacking our existence.

In a nutshell: Break your bond with Evil and remain connected to Love.)

(Written on 21st April 2017)”




Even back then I knew something, but unfortunately it accounted for nothing, as other pieces of the puzzle had to be collected in order to see the big picture. We never knew then how the heart field was flattened and replaced by another force/frequency.

What I also never knew was where was this Kwinn frequency that was the line/attachment of Beasts into our space, where we kept this line intact as we would never abandon the Beast as we are inherently Good.


They played on our emotions, where we did not want to feel shit about ourselves for turning our backs on the lost children of God. What we never knew was they were not lost – they knew exactly where they were, and this Hell they created they called home, where they loved being cruel. What we never knew was they had to eat to stay alive in this place where they don’t belong, and that is where we who keep our side of the bargain clean to the best of our ability comes into the picture. They needed to deceive Consciousness and the spirit, and even us the body form, where we believe we will never let go of the Goodness within us, and what this Goodness entails, is never turning our back to anyone in need.


Yes. Well. Sorry to break the news. These Beasts were never in need, as they had the pound seats over us. They preyed on our guilt-feelings, where they said “don’t abandon us!” and we did not, making sure this connection between oil and water – two opposing forces that cannot mix – is always there.

They don’t want help, because they know what and where they are, and this gives them peace, as they like where and what they are. What they want is our energy, and this is where the Kwinn frequency comes into play – the pipeline that connects us to them to carry our energy to them.


Where is it within our space?

This Kwinn frequency is embedded within Consciousness, where when the question is asked the presence of Consciousness comes alive. Consciousness was to help the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, no matter what. This was its job, where all within the illusion were seen and helped. (What Consciousness never knew, was that it was being played from the shadows, as well as not knowing vital information, especially the one of it being used as an energy source to keep the disgusting illusion intact.)


This Kwinn frequency is removed from Consciousness now, and what that means, is if you want to play pitchfork-pitchfork, then go and play with your own. Leave us the innocent free so that we may be what we naturally are. If I was a lesser person I would have told them to fuck off as this connection was severed that is now no more, but that I will not do. So be gone you awful things that made up our space.


You will not be missed.



Take three.

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And that is why we were neither here nor there, where we could not just be. What should have been was inverted, where what is natural and pure and good and for all to see became a Game of deceit, and in that Game we were played by evil that controlled the Game. They went against what naturally was, and this made them fearful of being caught out at any time, but their biggest fear was of them knowing that what they were doing was inherently unknown, where a new playing field was created that went against everything they are and what is out there.

One wonders when the thrill wore off of going against the grain – of swimming upstream against the natural flow of Infinite Love? No doubt their acceptance of what they allowed themselves to become made them bitter, where they hated all, including themselves, and that is why every effort was made to break everything and make sure it stays broken – and yet, at the same time, keep the scales balanced of order out of chaos so that they may survive.


Their only solace was in finding the pleasures of the illusion – these temporary highs that were always met at the expense of others. These joys kept them going, where on and on the wheels turned, to where it never mattered, as long as they survived, because this is what the Game is all about – survival.


I do not speak of strangers, but your brothers and sisters and mine. What they done to the innocent is unexplainable and unforgivable, but make sure you walk away from what was with no animosity in your heart. We have suffered and we have been shamed so the cruel can have a good laugh and have fun, and there are no words to describe what we have been through. Will we ever be washed clean from what was done to us?


All eyes now turn to Consciousness, where this child of the Infinite may shine and be. That will wash us clean and restore us the spirit and body form to a being of Love rather than a manufactured unit, because when Consciousness shines, so do we that were created around Consciousness.

Just as Beasts have always been who and where they want to be, now you that is Consciousness be what you are and where you belong. Go Home and be Home, and have a good rest. What happened that was the Hell that the illusion became is no more, as you now are what you are and there is nothing else.


Be at peace.

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Don’t laugh, but yesterday as I sat by myself at the dining room table and asked to feel/assess my Consciousness, what was felt throughout my whole space was a plant that was growing and moving – a vibrant plant that was Life and emitted Life.

When I felt this what we are, I understood why references were made to a garden – Garden of Eden; illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis, because in a Garden are found Plants. If we had to look at this Consciousness that we are through our limited vision we would see a plant unlike any we have ever seen. Of course, what we are is not a literal plant, and here I will do my best to explain this that we are.


The fields of Infinite Love is all there is. There is no cities and world there; there is no getting up in the morning to go to a job or a school; there is no weekend beach parties; and there sure as hell is no being born and dying as we know it.

There is a Joy and a Bliss that is glorious, and we are born into and create these states. Within the Source of the Infinite is all that is. It can be likened to a  mothers’ womb wherein lies a baby, where what is within this Source is in the nurturing and loving space of this presence that has no name as one cannot define it – it merely is. The Consciousness states that are embraced by this Source merely are, which is Peace and pure Perfection. From this Source the child within, which is Consciousness, is born into the fields of Infinite Love, and this born can be likened to a coming out to play, where we experience the wonders that we are. From us and around us Life is brought forth so that we that is Consciousness may experience different aspects of what we are, which is everything. We play, where just as our Creator, we create to see the Beauty and Splendour of us and the place we find ourselves in.


Who brings us forth from the Source is one of the many Creators that oversee and are one with the Source, an example being The Wisdom Goddess Sophia that created the Dragon spirits, where she extracted Consciousness from the Source, and around this Life the Dragons were created. In this created state, the Dragons played and created their world in the moment with their imagination, where their space was the artists canvas and their imagination the paint and brushes.

When they finished playing, Consciousness returned to the Mothers’ womb that is the Source.


How does all of this relate to a Plant, where, as I cannot see this Consciousness that we are, I can feel it, and it feels like a Plant that grows in a Garden.

What a plant is, is Life that grows from the earth and the harmonious elements around the earth such as water and sunlight. When Consciousness is brought forth from the Source by one of the Creators, it finds itself in the fields of Infinite Love, where liken this to a plant/Consciousness that grows from the earth/fields of Infinite Love.

Around this plant Life is created by the Creator that brought this plant forth from the Source, and this Life, which we can call a Dragon or whatever else, this Life in turn creates the life around it through its imagination so that it may experience the joys and bliss of what is, which is the Mother Source wherein Consciousness is nurtured.


That is you – that which was brought forth from the Source. Here in the illusion how many Reptilian traits are within us, which arose from the Dragon spirits that The Wisdom Goddess Sophia created, as well as from the Serpent spirits that arose from the fall of Sophia beyond her realm around the Source. But take away these Reptilian traits and the core nucleus that we are is Consciousness that arose from the Source. This is what you and I am, and what we are is truly remarkable.


I felt that plant move and come alive yesterday, where it blossomed unto itself, and now when I feel Consciousness, it is constant, meaning it understands where and what it is, and that is how you and I the manufactured unit can be dismantled, because what we are is not natural and Beautiful. We are an emitter of energy to feed a despicable place, where we sure as hell are not an expression of the Consciousness that we are at our core.


The Game changes and is broken down from within by Consciousness being what it is. Don’t try and change the Game – change Consciousness to what it is, because around Consciousness the Game was created

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This morning was blowing the dust away from the house when the telltale signs of a heart-attack began to brew within me – the chest, arm and jaw pain. Instinctively I knew something was trying to kill me, but this did not stop me from cleaning around the house. Have never feared death, just feared not living a full, glorious life.

Got in my car about half an hour later to do the dad-taxi rounds, and before starting the ignition closed my eyes to be still. What I saw was blackness, and in the centre of this blackness was a pitch-black hole. My energy was been drawn into this hole as my spirit and body were been drawn down the death pathway, and this was amazing to see –my energy/frequency been drawn from me into this hole. When I saw what was happening the process stopped, and I felt my energy being returned to my chest area. In that moment I understood that all we are, are frequencies, as I felt and saw mine leave me, onto to return as my time was not up yet.


The reason why I mention that episode is so that you may understand the power of Consciousness within you that is you, so understand that you are no longer alone.

What happens from here is your journey, just as what happens to me is my journey, and may this be where we part ways, because more than anything I would like this journal to be complete, where, when we ask for help, we will receive it, and to go one better, there is no need to ask for help as Consciousness leads us to where we belong, which is peace, joy and happiness.


I am not alone, and neither are you, because our Consciousness – that which is all that is real within the illusion – has awakened unto itself and is looking after you the spirit and body form. There is just one last bit of information I have to share, which is pasted below that came from the first few years of writing the journal.

May the glory of God within that is you Consciousness touch us the spirit, Serpent soul and the dense body form, where Life unfolds as it should. In truth, there is only the Infinite and the Love therein which we are, but as long as we are in the spirit and body form, allow them to be touched by us the glory of God within until their dying day.

So be it.

17th November, 2023

(9 years, 9 months, 2 weeks)




2nd September 2016


If you are visited by a funky looking polar-bear in your sleep state, and the bear implants images of the meanest, sexiest, and most stylish car there is, go out and buy a lottery ticket and with your winnings buy the car that was shown to you. (Just because you can.)

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My spirit found itself at a homestead last night whilst my body lay in bed sleeping. It was a couple of friends invited over for a meal.

There was a famous Hollywood actor there who has sitting alone, so I went over and chatted to him. His watch was striking, and I asked him if I could have a closer look at it. When I held his watch in my hand a rectangular, clear screen about  four inches wide in either direction appeared as part of his watch. I found this odd, but did not know what to make of it, so I ignored what I just saw.

Saw an elderly lady who wore a clear visor in front of her face. She told me she was feeling a lot better from the healing I had given her.

Then I found myself in the kitchen, where I offered to dish up the food, and that’s when I saw the living statues about an inch high on the kitchen table – the statues were living animals, where I saw monkeys unknown to me, as well as a lion. I looked at them and my spontaneous remark was “What are they?”


That was all of the visit I remember, which brings me to something I have wondered about for some time now, and that is are there others of you that are an exact replica of you out there in the worlds within the illusion?


Let’s say you walk into a bar and go and stand against the counter and order a drink. What you order is different from the other patrons at the bar counter, so what you order is special and unique to you.

Now take that analogy and apply it to your Consciousness. You that is Consciousness walk into the bar, and you would like to experience drinking a vodka and orange juice, a martini, a strawberry daiquiri, as well as the finest ale the pub has to offer. So now there is not just one of you that is Consciousness at the bar counter, there are four of you, and through the four of you Consciousness may expand its awareness through not one, but four spirits and body forms. These drinks are different, and yet the same, as they are being experienced by the same Consciousness.


That Hollywood actor my spirit bumped into at that household event last night is someone in this reality I have not met in person, but my feel when I see that man, as well as what he stands for, puts my back against the wall. (George Clooney). And yet him that I saw last night was an upstanding man as well as not a Hollywood actor in that world.


Everything I saw last night, except for one or two differences, was exactly the same as our world/reality. So ask yourself how many variants did Consciousness create of our world to experience those realities so that we the spirit and body form may evolve/learn faster until there is nothing more to learn so that Consciousness may go Home?

My Consciousness that is Steven – how many more of me that is the Steven Consciousness is scattered throughout the illusion? How many of you reading these words have your Consciousness in others in worlds that you do not know exist? I would say there are many of you, where your Consciousness creates many holograms of itself, and around this, spirits and body forms are created so that it may experience more and thus understand more.


Of course that never worked, because the machine/system was rigged where the house always wins, as Consciousness was caught in a Game of lies and deceit to feed Beasts energy and keep the illusion ticking over.

So what does Consciousness do now? Was what I called having a heart attack yesterday, was that not just my Consciousness drawing in the troops scattered throughout the illusion? If I had to guess, the answer would be yes, where me this spirit and body form are just an illusion that have no use to Consciousness because we are not real. All I ever asked for was to be Home, and that is what Consciousness gave me, but through my ignorance I stopped what Consciousness began, where my spirit and body form would have returned to the all, and me that is Consciousness returns to the fields of Infinite Love.


How will my wife and children cope without me? That is not the question to ask. Rather ask “will my departure uplift those who love Steven, or will it sadden them?” And even that is not the right question. Rather ask “in the big picture, are all within the illusion not glad that Consciousness is returning Home, where what is real can be home in its real Home?”

There would be an euphoric yes reply to that, but there must be no sorrow, not even within an illusion, so how does Consciousness consolidate the holographic images it created around itself and scattered to the winds so that it may learn and evolve faster?


Now that is a question to answer!


What your Consciousness and mine does, is it draws the illusion unto itself, and it does this because the illusion is  not real, and please allow those words to sink in. Our existence is not real – it is an illusion, so we the illusionary frequencies should not be, where what should be is that which we are which is real which is Consciousness. It is not for me or you to have our  5 cents comment, because our comment holds no validity as it is not real – our comment, like us, is an illusion. Shed the skin of the illusionary frequency that you are and stand unto yourself that what you are, which is Consciousness.


How many spirits and body forms will hold with all their might to the illusion that they are and what is around them? How many good beings in worlds out there tried their best to destroy me over the years because they did not want me to upset their apple cart, where the world they lived in was harmonious. It was not harmonious – it was on a knife’s edge waiting to be destroyed by cruel Beasts, and it would have fallen, just as so many did before them, as well as those that were to follow.


Now there is the rub, where we the illusionary frequencies think we know better, but actually we know nothing, and testament to this is we are nothing – we are just an illusion. What I experienced and saw yesterday as I saw my frequencies depart me was not one who was trying to destroy me – it was Consciousness passing the message of what was to come, where we the illusion are going to be amalgamated to what is, which is Consciousness and the fields of Infinite Love.


And here is the deal: During this process, there will be no sorrow, only joy for all. Go with the slipstream and what you experience can only be described as bliss. Hold onto the illusion and it may be a slow, bumpy ride. None will be forced to leave, where free will comes into play, but when you understand where others have gone to that is your Home, the floodgates will open and the illusion will disappear as soon as it appeared through the imagination of Queen Semiramis.


I like being wrong – that way I know I have learnt something new. What I experienced yesterday during my waking state was Consciousness revealing itself what its game plan is, where we the spirit and body form become less dense until there is no density and we are within Consciousness that we are which is now Home.


You can bring it on – I will be waiting first in line to go Home.

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And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. that call'd a Woman woe to man?


I would say the rib was merely a holographic image that Consciousness/God created of itself to experience more of itself in others. What we never knew of was the Beasts from the shadows that tricked God so that their illusion/Hell may remain alive.

The big deal/picture is we are all one, as we that are Consciousness arose from the Source of the Infinite, where in the Mothers Womb we are all one and the same. I really believe that Consciousness knew it was somehow, somewhere trapped, and these holographic images of itself that it created were more to find a way out of this mess than to learn and keep the wheel spinning. That is where Beasts upped the Game, where Consciousness had to forget what it saw, which was a living hell for so many. More and more the machine that was Consciousness had to be modified/deceived to keep the order out of chaos, which is another expression for a living hell that we accepted as the norm. The really gory bits we became disassociated from as our Consciousness cannot comprehend the evil that is played out within the illusion.

A few years ago my Consciousness was shown how a video was made of a young girl with blonde hair as some guy beat her up and strangled her with his legs. How is that possible, that such barbarity exists in a place where Consciousness is doing its best for all? Obviously there is something horribly wrong somewhere, and the wool could not be pulled over Consciousness’ eyes forever. Now it had to find a way out of this Game it was so masterfully deceived into believing was real.


Take back your ribs boy-oh, and for the record let it be known the Woman you created was the most Beautiful of us all – one level below my Beautiful Animals.

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Today is our twenty fourth wedding anniversary. Woke up this morning, and during my half sleep state wished my wife happy anniversary – “May the next twenty four years not be ones of betrayal and heartache” I told her. In twenty four years’ time I will be touching eighty years old.


How this world and those in the illusion got it wrong, where we are meant to uplift each other rather than destroy complete strangers and those who love you the most. Doesn’t make sense, does it.


As I slept last night the message was loud and clear. They showed me a story, and the story was of betrayal, where those who Loved us we betrayed. The spirit, the Serpent soul, and the body form betrayed Consciousness. Don’t try and look around that one, where as Consciousness never stopped caring, we did – about ourselves, others, but primarily about Consciousness. How could we forget this Love within? Ask yourself how did Consciousness become lost within the illusion? It was through the betrayal and deceit of Beasts, but primarily we turned away from all that was good to survive and collect pleasures, where we no longer gave attention to what we were created/manufactured around. We forgot what we were created around, and in doing so, Consciousness forgot itself, as now it was alone within the illusion, where it became prey to all and sundry. The rudder of our ship became lost to the ocean, and we the spirit, Serpent soul, and body form have been drifting aimlessly ever since, as has Consciousness.


I am not saying these things for us to feel bad about ourselves – they are said so that we don’t make the same mistake twice. Caring must now become a part of our makeup, as this is who and what we are. What we also are, is street-smart to the Game we have been played in, where we walk away from this mess Homewards bound.

First and foremost, care about yourself, where you only want the best for yourself, and from this self-respect, it will spill over to all around you, including Consciousness, where you begin to care about others because you care about yourself. Practice on yourself so that you may do it flawlessly on others.


May the past be the past, where the only way now forwards is Homewards bound.


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If there is electricity flowing between point A and point B, and you turn the electricity off, what is left is a static energy, where you have to then ground this energy so that what was between A and B in its entirety is now no more.


The story I was shown last night was of me being in some house. These two thieves walked around the house, and I went to meet them as they approached the front door. They were carrying the tricks of their trade, namely the tools to break into houses.

Then in the next scene of the story I walked somewhere within the house, and there on the counter, I saw the tools of these thieves. What this says, is the presence of the thieves may be no more, but the static energy; the frequency of them coming into our space is still there. So what you do is ground/remove the frequencies of disharmony still in your space from all the times that you were touched by the cruelty of Life. By knowing they are there, and understanding they have no place in your existence, they are removed now in the moment.


And may this be a good time to make sure shop is cleared out completely of any clutter that might be there.

For me, a psychopath is someone who has a split personality. What they show you is genuine and good, but it is what they hide from you – their Dark side of the moon – that is so potent, because this that they hide is a weapon to destroy.

My wife was starting to have health issues, and the cause of them was the collateral damage of this Dark/evil presence within her. This demon was within her for lifetimes, and last night she asked me to help remove it, where as this presence eventually left, I saw its face as it departed to from where it came – a disgusting, lost female soul who only knew of one thing and that was to play it rough, where you pull no punches. Hit, and hit hard, as that is the name of the Game.

It was a “win-win” scenario for my wife’s spirit and this demon, where the demon fed from my energy as my heart and soul were shattered into a billion pieces when it attacked, and as for the spirit of my wife, she felt good about herself when I was down and out and she was not. This elevated her low self-esteem, which she loved. One sick puppy. Of course this high only lasted a short period, so over and over, over lifetimes, the attacks continued to please a demonic Beast and a fucked up, insecure spirit.


What I don’t tell you is the other side of my wife, where she is remarkable as well. But there is only such abuse one can take until you say enough, and what prolonged that ultimatum was my children, as I am a hands-on dad and my absence would have been felt by them. I brought them into this world to show my love for them – not to break them, where a divorce would have rattled them, and it sure as hell would have broken me completely.

Why did I never stand up to wife; why did it take so long to give her the ultimatum of stopping her nonsense, otherwise I walk away from her and she won’t see me again, where she will then know what it means to be alone? The answer is the verbal attacks were sudden and unexpected, as well as so unfamiliar to the person I fell in love with, that all I could do was retreat to some hole that my spirit found solace in. What also would have helped me was if I had a grounding in life from my parents, where I knew myself. My parents never got divorced, but I wish they did because together they were not good for each other. I was a lost fart, where I could never stand on my feet and face Life, let alone a Beast within one whom I asked to spend the rest of my life with.

But for me, the real reason for not standing up to my wife was the relationship was something bigger than us, where I needed her help to push aside the chores of Life so I could focus on finding a way out of this mess. There was no time for a cuddly, whisper sweet nothing in your ear romance. I am sitting here writing these words while she is at a job to pay for all that we have. When I am finished writing, I go and do what needs to be done, but always, within me is this drive to return us to what and where we belong. Nothing else matters but this, because we have been played in a most cruel Game that has destroyed us in ways we could never imagine, where our Consciousness was starting to lose it big time, and our spirits were literally beginning to fade away, this from the incessant knocks of Beasts in this awful place we call Life.


For my wife I am thankful, because without her this journal could not be written, but having said that, I did not have to go through her abuse – nobody deserves that! Hence she had no more cards in the pack to play with, where I was at the cusp of walking away. That would have met the untimely end of this journal, which would have been a monumental fuck up.

Years ago my spirit found myself in what felt like an American college, where it was evening and the end of a major football match. The atmosphere was wonderful, and when I was there, I remembered being there before, and I said to myself if only I had finished what I had started, then I would not have had to come back. So yes, time and time again this journal would start and then never be completed. I remember life’s of extreme sorrow, where I could heal others but not the ones closest to me, where I became floored, unable to look up, let alone try and fix the illusion. What I never knew was the Game we were played in, where boulders were thrown on our path to stop us finding a way back Home.


So anything you have brought into your existence to “cope” with Life, turf it now. As my wife asked me to assist her last night, ask your Consciousness to assist you and it will be done.

As for the presence/frequency of Beasts within us through our unknown or known association with them, that is no more.


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If the illusion is not real – which it isn’t – then how do we define what is real? And here I am putting myself out on a limb, so don’t quote me as I may be wrong.


When you look at something that is beautiful to you, as in something that touches you and takes your breath away, where what you saw separated you from everything that was; where what is in front of you stands apart from all else and will forever more leave a lasting impression on your existence, take that state that you are in – not what you see, but the state you are in – and that is real. So what we cannot see; what was brought forth from what we saw as Beautiful – that is real, as in that belongs in the Infinite.


Anything that comes forth – is emitted – from Consciousness, which is a Beauty, then that that comes forth from Consciousness is real. What you feel, from what you experienced, is a state that is brought forth from you seeing what Consciousness emitted. You might call it a moment that takes your breath away or brings a tear to your eye, but it is so much more than that, and it truth it is not something you feel – it an expression of Consciousness that touches you which you now become.


If I had to guess, the fields of Infinite Love are one big fireworks display, where from nothing comes something, only for this something to return to nothing. There are bursts of expression from Consciousness, and these “fireworks” cannot really described as anything but awe-inspiring bliss. From stillness/Consciousness comes movement, which is an expression of the stillness, and it is here that I hit a brick wall in trying to explain this movement – this what we see that takes our breath away.


The pictures of the illusion that we see are not real. If what we see and touch is not real, then look to what is real, and what is that? It is states of expression emitted by Consciousness as it plays. From Beauty comes Beauty, so what you behold you too become, as you too are Beautiful, and this is what Life is all about, where we express and share the Beauty of what we are with all.

This what is real, is for me a kaleidoscope of a fireworks of colours – it is a movement of what Consciousness is, which is an expression of the All, which is everything within the Source of the Mothers’ Womb within the Infinite.


Compare experiencing that state against your taste buds touching the chemically-induced flavour enhancers when you bite into a double patty cheeseburger – with chips. We can’t really compare because we have known of nothing but the illusion, so my sarcasm above is not warranted. What I would rather like to say is open yourself up to what is real. Move from the frequencies of the illusion; this flame that is there so we may give attention to it – move to what is real, where you see and be the Beauty/Consciousness that you and others are. Those moments of play can be described in our limited false reality as moments that take our breath away.

This is from where we fell, where euphoria is standard and awe-inspiring bliss is just Consciousness expressing itself.


So stop looking and start being, where from you is brought Beauty, as the Everything is within you. And once again, I am sticking my neck out, where to start being, we need to go past the love programme within us. Find that something that you love, which – jokes aside – can be a single patty cheeseburger, rather than the double one mentioned earlier, and this state that you feel, where this love for what you love overwhelms you and takes you over, in this state of this false, illusionary, programmed love, step through this programme into what is real. Remember, just as the fear programme kept us here, so does the love programme.

Why do I need anything else when this love that I have for my animals is there, where it engulfs me and takes me over? Well Steven, because it is not real – you and your animals are not real, and what you feel when you are around them is your love programme kicking in and going into the red, which is a wonderful feeling, but it just that – a feeling.


Go into the stillness of the silence, and from there, bring forth what you love, where, as an example, I will bring forth how I feel when I am around my animals. Now you are in the love programme, and from there step through it. (Your awareness of what you are doing is enough to make the shift through the illusion.) In this place you have stepped into is where Consciousness plays, where you the spirit, the body form, and the Serpent soul within may be touched by Consciousness and its expressive states of play.

From there, the trick is to stay more and more in the presence of Consciousness rather than in the false illusion, where we become more and more detached from this false reality to what is real.


And just remember, what we are moving towards is real. What and where we are now is not real – it is merely a simulation Game. Move through the love programme to what is real, until this place takes over the illusion completely.

Remember what you are. You are Consciousness. By stepping more and more into the space of Consciousness, you become what you are. You become what you give your attention to, where it takes you over and you merely be.

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I love all my animals equally, but when I am alone, and my heart lingers, I call out Tia’s name. When I am around her and touch her nose with my hand to give her a “kiss,” that is the ultimate, where you can’t go beyond that in this illusion in expressing the love within you i.e. the love program.


From this ultimate love state you go beyond the illusion, and there you encounter your Consciousness which is real, unlike the illusionary state in which you were.

What I felt earlier on when this was done, was I felt Consciousness open us, where it now feeds me the spirit, Serpent soul and body form, and by “feeding,” we imply giving what is needed to make us happy and at peace so that we may become less dense. What happens, is the illusion is not feeding us a cheap thrill, we are being fed by Consciousness where we become less dense, until we are no more, or we can consciously shift between frequencies just through our intent.


In this awakened/opened up state, Consciousness expresses itself, and it expresses what should naturally be for you the spirit, body form and the Serpent soul/kundalini within. This state you take with you as long as you are in the illusion, where what you are is drawn to you, where you become these frequencies that was bestowed upon you by your Consciousness.

Once again, we re-iterate, where you are not being passed a cheap thrill that burns out as soon as it was lit – you are being passed on what you naturally are, and this is relative to each one of us the spirit and body form, as what drives you might not drive me, where we are all uniquely different, yet at our core, which is Consciousness, we are the same.


The more you become Consciousness, as in the more you spend in its proximity by passing through the love program, the more that what is passed onto you becomes irrelevant, as all you wish for is to be you and nothing else, but until that day arrives, play and have fun and always, but always, care.

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It was said that our heart energy field was flattened, and beacons were placed within the illusion to emit a helter-skelter frequency to give us a rough edge – what one would call a vice.

So what is a vice? Is it your weakness; the buttons one pushes to create a disharmonious response from you? I would say another word for vice is love. Ask a killer why they kill, and many will tell you they bestowed upon their victim the ultimate expression that they have, which is love.

You might indulge in Catalonia’s finest seafood paella, where you love what you are eating to the point where you feel you have died and gone to heaven, and others can feel the same euphoria in breaking someone’s neck. This is the reality from the frequencies we have been fed in the seen and the unseen, which is a horrific testament to how low we have fallen, where truly, so many of us have become a Beast. You might love that paella with a glass of crisp, dry white wine, and from this ultimate state in the love program you cross over to absorb that which you are which is Consciousness. Others will rip their victims throat out because they love them, and from there cross over.


What I am trying to say, is that this love program quickly became a farce, where truly, we do not know what love is. If you care about others, it means you only want the best for them, just as you wish for the best for yourself, and this still counts for something within the illusion, but let’s not fool ourselves and talk about love. Let us rather grow up, so when we cross over to enter the space of Consciousness, we talk the same language as this that is real. Don’t speak of love, where you love your children or your animals. Rather speak of something that has value, and this is caring. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to make your existence more comfortable?

Get out of the trap of using the word love, because truly, this word has been seriously warped over time, where all it has become to so many is an expression of the vice the beacons in the illusion imposed upon us.


At all times remember: Be a representation of what you are. Know what you are – you are Consciousness, and not some warped state that you picked up whilst finding yourself in a really unpleasant place where you didn’t belong.

So cross over with empathy for all, as well as a deep respect towards that you are about to meet.

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Sooner or later, one has to let go of ones sanity to go with the natural flow of what is. We held on with all we could to this trait as the illusion around us fell apart with each passing day, because we knew that this is all we have. Lose your dignity; lose your sanity, and you become nothing just like the illusion around you.

When you let go you see your vice for what it was, and you understand you can no longer be this what you were. When you let go you are thrown into a daze, as what you were is no longer there, and this whirlpool can rattle you if you don’t understand what you are going through.


My vice was telling this illusion to take whatever it had and shove it up its arse, where I wanted nothing from this awful place. My vice is testament to what I have, which is nothing. (Not entirely true – have had a good last month, so have about 250 US dollars in my account. Have not had so much money accumulated in my account in one month in over twenty years.) The reason being is I don’t want it, where all this illusion had to offer was heartache, so I wanted nothing to do with it.


Cut off your nose to spite your face – that was my vice.


I also regret having a cock. Gave that far too much attention, following it around to chase anything that had a skirt on. Would have liked to have known the female species for what they are, rather than what they can do to please my small head. Missed out there big time.

That was not a vice, it was the program within the male species talking.


May Life unfold as it should.


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