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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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When I call Consciousness a dummy, or any other derogatory word, I understand that I am talking to myself about myself. My ego is fine, and I know there is a lot I don’t know that I should naturally understand.

So I will tell you what I understand: What I understand is I need help, and from the more the merrier, because one can never get enough help in order to get to where you belong. This help has to be the right help, where others see the big picture and can thus lead us directly to where we belong, where with their understanding is a knowing. But here is the rub, as of now there is not one who knows everything, hence the help that is needed.


We created the frequency of the spider to grab what we needed in order to survive. What we created was a phenomenal frequency, so here is the first question to this dummy Steven: Who says the spider was created for selfish reasons? Is there anything wrong about wanting to survive? – No, there is not, but it should never be at the expense of others, and it should never just be for me so fuck you and fuck off.


Whatever we created was doomed to fail, and any doubt to that statement look out the window at the illusion and those that inhabit it. This Doom and Gloom arose from the parasitic frequency of Deception within – what we never knew was there – so what was ours soon became mine. That I needed it was never important, as long as it’s mine and not yours.

And here is the second question to dummy Steven: If you need help so badly, why not utilize the frequency of the spider with the built-in clause that the frequency of the parasite may not enter our space? That way, what comes our way through the spider frequency is for all, and not just us.


Told you I was a dummy!


Build the frequency of the spider within to help Consciousness out of this maze of madness. Move to where you belong. Uplift yourself, and in the process, where the one cannot function without the other – uplift others. Another hidden clause in the spider frequency, is no grabbers are allowed into your space. As you are not one, so too are you drawn to others that are like you and not the grabber. And if there are none like you, braze a trail Homeward bound, so that when others decide to grow up, they know there is a path waiting for them to where they belong. And if anything, do it for the innocent, as I do.


The spider frequency is within me now, and for that I am thankful – thankful that I have help. Always will I do my part – always will I be kind and consider others as best I can. This spider frequency within all we give respect to, just as respect comes our way. Should this frequency choose to go Home to where it belongs, where it no longer be’s, then so be it. There is no master and slave, there is only friends being there for each other, and for that I am eternally thankful.

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Am not an aggressive man, as have no intention of lowering myself and making a fool of myself. Having said that, years ago promised myself the day my spirit left my body for good and entered the spirit realm, the first spirit I see will get a knuckle sandwich from me square in their face. Where were they when I needed them most?

This act of aggression moved towards hostility, where the message would be loud and clear – leave me alone, as I need time to rest and recuperate.


This evening there is a stir within me, where the waiting to see and be touched by beings of Love either happens now or never. This journal cannot carry on  forever, just as the unjust existence within the illusion cannot carry on forever. Those in the illusion who have been touched by the understandings of this journal need to show me their cards. When I treat Humans I always ask for feedback in case I missed something, where there is always a rappor between me and those that entered my space. So too do those I have helped through the understandings of this journal need to touch me and give me feedback. Where is the spirit of my dog Max that passed on thirteen years ago? Where is Jessie?


I know myself, and I know how far I can be pushed. When one is lost it is important to keep your finger on the pulse to know where we are and how far we can still go. I know my limits.

Months ago I thought I saw a being of Love during my sleep state, but that spirit was one of the many who imagined they were sowing the seeds of Love to all, but they were unaware of their ignorance to who runs the show.

I would like to see what this journal has done for those in the spirit realms, because this working in the dark is not going down well with me. I am tired of me, as I know what I am and where I belong. Up till now this journal has largely been a one man show, and this I am tired of. There is only so far I can walk before I say enough.

4th October, 2023 (Nine years, eight months, and one day of living and breathing this journal. It began in 2014. That is insane!)


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What turned the illusion from a utopia to a dystopia was the parasitic frequency of Deception. It was not so much this parasite, but rather this want within from the parasite  that we could not control/tame. We had to have; we had to take. We never rose above this want within, where we said “I am bigger than this; there is more to me and the illusion than this want within.”

An urge filled us – a want, and as a member of the male species I can give testament to this drive within, where our small head rules the one on our neck. It is disgraceful that the act of intercourse became such a vital component of our existence, and this for me is the primary trait of the savage, where there is a drive within me that makes me primitive that I cannot control. We can talk and point fingers at the Beasts from the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, but pause and give a thought to what we are. I know what I am, and I know my life has never been my own. Within me, especially in my teen years when the hormones kicked-in in earnest, that within me was a drive that was beyond me and controlled me, and unfortunately came to define me and my Life and all within the illusion.


The parasitic frequency of Deception is not good or bad – it merely is. It was created by the curiosity of the Dragon and Serpent spirits who wondered what else is in the illusionary Garden that is not already in the Infinite. This curiosity took on a form within the illusion, and the worm/parasite was born. On our spirit it extends from the left corner of our mouth to our jaw-line. It is there, and has always been there.


One needs a level of intelligence to control an illusion that became a prison for all those trapped therein, meaning those that ran the show knew of the parasite. The Egyptians weaponized the parasite but never used it as they knew it would destroy all – including themselves. As the Garden began to fall, there were those that upheld their integrity rather than the ways of the worm within, and to keep these mammoths down and make sure they stay down, thick white worms were created and implanted to suck the Life-force from these beings. How often have these worms been sprinkled into the face to keep me down when I refuse to stay down. When the journal began I remember feeling in my sleep state how worms were squirted into me to suppress me.


Consciousness can be equated with the fields of Infinite Love, and the parasite can be equated to the illusionary Garden that became a living nightmare.

Ask me what has kept us here from going Home, and the answer is the worm.


Put two and two together and you will understand that we are still blocked/limited/restricted within our prison. Monumental efforts were made to keep us here to feed Beasts, but as for all within the illusion, all are here to feed their disharmonious energy into the System/machine to keep the illusion alive. One wonders how many of these fools that saw this place as home now understand the trap that they created for all – including themselves. These is no pod to climb into and go to a better place, because we are all stuck in this place that will eventually self-destruct as there is only so far we can go from what naturally should be. I imprison you, but wait, that means that I am also in a prison – and this was the mentality of the cruel as they got off by releasing destruction on others, never knowing their proximity of where they are and what they allowed themselves to become.


Do you ever stop and think what the ending would be down the road on the path you are on? Did you see what you created as ending well for you?

Take for today. Destroy for today. There is no tomorrow, and this is so because of the short-sightedness of the fool. Live for today, and live for myself – at the expense of others. How will that end? – “Dunno. Never thought of that. Just thought of the high of fucking up others and this place where I stay?”


Last night lay in bed and wracked my brain as to how they are still blocking us. There is only one logical conclusion: To limit/enslave those within the illusion, one has to limit/enslave Consciousness. Yes, they tricked Consciousness, where it became plugged into a simulation that it believed to be real, and yes, the parasitic frequency of Deception was placed within Consciousness, where it wants to make sure the spirit and body form are okay and Life is unfolding as it should. “…………..With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful place.” WRONG!


Last night when I asked how else we were blocked, I felt this worm deep within my inner left cheek. The blockage has to come from a worm as this has been their fool-proof method to suppress those within the illusion. (The illusion would not exist had it not been for the parasite of Deception.)

Understand that Consciousness has been in a lost state as it has not been Home. This opened Consciousness up to deception and trickery, and I have no doubt that this worm that I felt in my cheek was the worm within Consciousness to keep it suppressed. The worms I am speaking about are unknown to you and me – they are Life-sapping parasites that deprive us of our natural Life-force so that we may rise up and be what we naturally are. Take away this worm from Consciousness, and all they do is replace it with another. So what you do, is make Consciousness immune to the frequency of the parasites. Now these scavengers suck on thin air, as there is nothing to take from, as Consciousness does not allow them into its space. I see you, and I know you, and you are not me, so you are no part of my existence, meaning you have no effect on me.


May me that is me, and you that is you rise up to be the Consciousness that we should naturally be.

All this shit has to and will come to an end, and it will not be through our total annihilation, because we deserve to be happy and where we belong.

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Within the beautiful clear crystal that was the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis a crack/flaw appeared. This crack was what the want within us wanted that arose from the parasite within.

Peel away the layers, and you will find this flaw within you, whose template can be found in the flaw that is this illusion in which we find ourselves. It is there, and it has always been there. The big question to ask is “Is  your flaw debilitating to those around you and to you?” If this is so, then pray for Divine Intervention. I am one of those whose flaw doesn’t allow me to function within the seen realms of the illusion, where I cannot put my foot out the front door, let alone see the sunshine. For me the only answer is to go Home where I belong, and maybe this has been the greatest push in writing this journal, which has been my deep understanding of my flaw that does not allow me to survive within the seen realms. My crutch was my animals, where they kept me uplifted with the Love they smothered me with. The animals read the manual properly, where they uplifted. We read the manual upside down, where we destroyed.


What helps with our flaws is having those to walk with us, where two heads are better than one. A helping hand can transform a Life, and if you have one then blessed are you, as this will carry you and make your flaw a lighter load to carry.

We are all meant to be perfect, as this is our natural state, but our proximity to where we found ourselves threw a spanner in the works, where we all became off-centre. The shift in the illusion from the flaw/parasite became our burden, and this is what we have carried with us through the ages, and even when we done our best, the flaw in others floored us. We could never just get it right, and now you know why – it was the crack in the once perfect crystal that touched us and created a flaw within us.


My advice to you is to allow Consciousness to shine on your flaw so that this wrong may be made right. We all need to be uplifted, where in one way or another we all need help, so begin the process by helping yourself and removing your flaw. If you don’t know what it is, Consciousness will find it and make it no more. What this journal done was remove the crack from the Garden, so what was may once again return to now what is. So the template is there, where perfection in the Garden can be matched with perfection within us.


I see those in other worlds as my body lays in bed sleeping at night, and what I see is the warped, twisted, insane spirits. Truly they are lost to themselves and all that was once good within them. To these demented, disgusting beings I say let go and allow the Consciousness that you are to heal you. Nobody can do it for you – only you can do it for yourself, and if you don’t have the energy to do so, then that is also okay. But understand in order to keep your sanity you cannot exist within a flawed System, so go Home to where you belong. If you don’t have the energy to clear up shop then allow Consciousness to carry you Home to where you belong. We have all had it rough, and what was cannot continue to be.

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There are some things I will not even try and understand – I will not even go there as the insanity of others cannot be understood. All that makes sense, is this Hell-hole has been around for a long time, and there are many that have made this most unpleasant illusion home. Why this is so, is because they are okay, and that is all that matters, but even here, we are just scratching on the surface as what ticks within the insane.


As I closed my eyes to sleep last night I saw this man standing over me. He was human looking, and as I saw him he took this tray of black worms and dumped them over me. From there he took two vessels, also with worms in, and threw them over me as well. My spirit scooped up some of the worms on its abdomen area and threw them back at this man. This man gave a wry smile at my silly action, and then came to stand behind me where I could no longer see him. Later I saw him walk away with this female. These beings were of a nobility class whose sole purpose in visiting me was to see if I was immune to the frequency of the parasite – what these worms were that were thrown onto me. I felt one of them boring into me just below the right nostril, and then I fell asleep, knowing that what was thrown my way had no effect on me.


Is there truly an answer as to why others are cruel? I don’t think so.


Dale Carnegie spoke about a stop-loss order, where you can get buggered around to a point, and from there you draw a line in the sand, where you let others know that you will no longer take their inconsiderate behaviour. Told my wife the other day my stop-loss order for seeing beings of Love is by this Monday morning. If there is a no-show before then will put this journal down because I would like to move forwards, be it in the seen or unseen realms.

Why is it taking so long for Consciousness in its natural state to show itself to us and make itself felt? That disgustingly cruel man that came into my space to destroy me last night, where he saw his actions as natural as breathing, one asks for how long he has been cruel that he came to embrace what he became and saw it as normal?


How mixed up and cruel has this illusion become? Can we fathom what this place has become with the attitude of do what you want when you want because you can? This you can do because there are no consequences to your actions because the Love of the Infinite became absent in the illusion. But what about the conscience of those in the illusion, where do unto others as you would want others to do unto you?


That disgusting man that came to destroy me last night, can you imagine his shock when the Infinite shines within the illusion to touch all? – From hero to zero in a split second, where know they know their order in the grand scheme of things. I don’t intend to spent forever more and a day writing this journal, as there has to come a time when the ocean touches this air bubble that became trapped therein. That will happen. As lost and insecure and lonely as I am, I know that day will arrive, and how I know is because that is natural. You cannot suppress the truth forever, and the same can be said for the Love from the Infinite, where sooner or later this natural what is will touch us.

Now when I get a moment I talk to my Consciousness, asking for it to make its presence felt. I am open to anything as well, where the old is shattered and splintered to make way for what has naturally always been there. Yesterday as I pulled out weeds from the grass I saw this spirit draped in a blue robe looking at me. At all times I am open to the Infinite as the illusion breaks down, and break down it will.


Seeing that man last night through my Third Eye re-iterated that many have no intention of changing their ways. I am not their Daddy, and I have never tried to change anyone – all I do is post on the unseen realms what I have come to understand. So why be cruel, why not just shake your head in disbelief and walk away? It is not for me to judge others, just as it is not for others to be cruel to others who share a different viewpoint.


May what should naturally be rise up and touch those that wish to return to what they are. This Game has never been fun for the innocent.

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When you stand back to see what has always been, and what you see is a mess, the natural progression from there is what is in front of you falls apart, as what has always been has been unnatural, so the unnatural falls apart to make way for what naturally should be. You cannot stop this process as it is a natural progression to what has always been that we have forgotten about, and what this means in simple English is the illusion is unraveling at the seams as we speak.


So let me tell you who came to visit me last night.


My spirit and Consciousness found itself on a raised platform of sorts within a jungle. In front of me was my eldest daughter who had her school blazer on. She walked away from me and slipped on the jungle floor and slid about three metres down some vines and reeds. I slid down after her to make sure she was okay. When I turned her to face me it was clearly visible that she was in immense pain, and I felt her pain came from between her shoulder blades. Her face was scratched and bruised, and I saw the area when she had just fallen to with the skid marks she had left behind. I held my daughter and told her I Loved her, and from there looked for my phone to ask for help.


From this point my focus shifted to the unseen, as in what I was not allowed to see around me but I saw nevertheless.

I saw a man in a robe that anxiously walked to the portal that allowed him to return to his world. There was an angst to him that I should not see him, so speed was of the essence that he leave my space before I saw him, which obviously did not work. With this man he brought about twenty of his helpers. These helpers were tall, thin, black shadow figures that left my space in angst just as this man did, where they all moved towards the portal back into their world.


So there I was lying in bed wondering what was that all about. I checked on my eldest daughter and she was fine, and then the penny dropped and I understood what had just surmised.

The man I saw was the court wizard in the world from where he came. Whom I saw wounded on the jungle floor was a simulated face of my daughter, but behind that simulated mask was the one whom this man and his entourage brought to Steven for assistance. They knew I would assist one in front of me who needed and wanted help, so they brought someone to me who needed help who they could not help. Their haste to leave my space was so that I could not see their setup, where who I was helping was not my daughter but one of their own.


And this is the lesson to learn as the seams of the illusion begin to unravel to reveal what should naturally be: The lesson is we need to start pulling together because we need each other’s help. And if I say we need each other’s help, it is just that, where what was can no longer be, so what was is now no more, and with each passing moment the cracks widen where we see what a mess we were and existed within, so what we brushed aside now stares us in the face, and in that moment we understand we need help. If you could see the angst in that man and his shadow figurine helpers; if you could understand their distress, then you will know what is happening within the worlds of the illusion as we speak, and believe you me, we are about to be rattled as well.


If we do not come together and stand as one, our fall will be a bad one because we need a helping hand. Without that hand, we fall. Those that came last night were testament to this, where in the past we have always lived independently of each other and gotten along with our own devices. But what worked then cannot work now as what was, is now no longer more.


I often wonder what makes me so special that our cat Gypsey will come and lie against me at night time and sleep with me. What it is, is she feels safe with me, where she knows I will never hurt her, and I will never allow that others harm her. Around me she can just be in this pool of warmth and comfort, and one asks how is this possible when my life is such a mess, where I am in a bad way. My life may be a mess, but within the unseen, where the density of the seen is not so great, there are two traits that are essential to weather and ride the storm that is coming that will either uplift us or make us fall further for those that like being where they don’t belong. These traits are an empathic caring, as well as an understanding of who we are and where we belong. Gypsey sees this in Steven, as do others from other worlds, and what my spirit and Consciousness have must become the standard now for all so that this unraveling to what should be may be a smooth transition for all.


I have always known two things about myself: The first being that I need help, and the second that I am pretty fucked up. I was clever enough to find the answer to our predicament, which was healing the lost state of Consciousness, where it came to know what happened that it became lost unto itself and its Home where it belongs. With this understanding we have a basic platform, and on this platform we need to stand together because we need each other, where I need your help and you need mine. All the worlds within the illusion know themselves now, and together we stand as one, because what has always been is no more, meaning ride the wave holding hands with others and see this transformation as a wonderful experience, or see your arse where you wipe out.


I find it really funny that I end this journal more fucked up than what I have ever been, where, as said, my life is a mess. This is the old – the what was – breaking down to reveal the path that is Homeward bound. All I can do is go with the flow, helping those that ask for help, and here it is a two-way streak, where I ask them for help as I need it.

Together we will get out of this mess, and for that I am eternally thankful.

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  • 2 weeks later...

When the cruelty of Life touched me, I needed to understand why Life is so cruel, and this meant going to the source of this evil, looking it in the eye, and from there, not judging what I saw, but rather understanding what happened that these brothers and sisters that were once like me became Beasts.


All the cruelty – all the sorrow, all the heartache, all the rivers of tears and blood rained down from what was done to us by those that were once our brothers and sisters.

For so many, if you cannot beat them then join them, where so many in the seen became like those in the unseen, where cruelty and ignorance were embraced and we made it our own. We learnt not to care – not to feel the pain and suffering of others, where we became shut off from the Love that we are. Consciousness – this literal God-force within – became lost, and the root cause of this was its deception by those architects of the illusion, as well as the loss of empathy of all in the seen and unseen realms, because when we stop caring we stop feeling, and when we stop feeling we become numb to what is happening around us.

“Shame, poor them” we say as we walk away from those that have been crushed by the System. In losing our connection to Consciousness, we lost our connection to all Life, especially our own, where we forgot why we are here, which is to be joyous and experience the wonders of the illusion.


What the Beasts in the seen and unseen have done to us is abysmal, but if you stand back and see the big picture, what they done to us was just a drop in the ocean compared to what our true suffering was. What this suffering is that I speak of is our isolation from what we naturally are and where we belong. Innately we are all good, and when we became lost we became detached from this goodness, where now we wandered alone. This loneliness and separation from ourselves was catastrophic, but the biggest disaster of them all was being isolated from the Infinite – this place where we cannot be anything but what we are.

The damage of all the cruelty within the illusion cannot be compared to what this isolation from what we are and where we belong done to us, because when we understood that we are alone, that is when we became crushed, and what happened from there was irrelevant – sure, it wasn’t nice being touched by the cruelty of Life, but whatever harm came our way could not be compared to our alone status.


What this journal done was remove the underlying cause of all misery within the illusion, which was our loneliness – our separation – from who we are and where we belong. This aloneness made us easy prey to the cruel, and as said, what was done to us was shameful, cruel and unnecessary, but our true sorrow came from finding ourselves in a place where we don’t belong that was run by those in self-destruct mode, where in what I do I destroy me, and you are coming along for the ride, where you will know nothing but survival towards your ultimate demise.


So understand for us and the illusion to heal, we need to fill this gap within us which is our loneliness and our alone status. Unless that is done, we are going nowhere. Battles can be fought or passive resistance can be expressed, and we can stand at the top of the hill victorious, but as long as we are filled with loneliness by not being who we are and where we belong, our victory and euphoria will be short lived.

Embrace the God/Infinite-force within and allow this to take you over, and the loneliness that you once were will be no more. Now you no longer need as you merely are. All misery; all sorrow was built on the base foundation of our Consciousness being lost and alone, and this state of what it was is no more as Consciousness understands the big picture of what it is and where it belongs.


Now the dice are rolling, where what was can no longer continue to be. What worked in the past does not work anymore. Everything has changed as we return to the natural state of what is, which is Consciousness as a complete unit that is united with the Infinite. For want of a better term, we are going into “Biblical times,” where Life is unfolding as it should. What worked in the past cannot work now. The power of deception and evil no longer has our base foundation of loneliness, meaning what was done to us cannot be done to us anymore. The more Consciousness shines, the more we become separated from what was always there to reveal what should naturally be.


I wrote because there was a problem, and this problem had to be understood. Now I no longer write as there is no longer a problem. Life is unfolding as it should to where it naturally should be, and for this I am thankful.


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Sometimes you see another that radiates an inner Beauty, and such a sight is truly remarkable to see.

Last night was the last official school ceremony for my eldest daughter, where she wore a school uniform for the last time in her life. The head-girl was there, and over the last five years I always remarked, as would so many, what a Beautiful person she is.

I was keen to see what her parents looked like, and just before we left the function to go home, her family took a group photo with the grandparents, parents, and the three children – with the head-girl being one of them.


What I saw was a remarkable sight, where, if anything, what I saw I have not seen before. There was a family standing in line with each other’s arms around the shoulders of the ones next to them, and what you saw, was everyone always doing their part to be kind to each other. Yes, like you and me they have bad days, and like you and me they are not perfect, but what this family has that I have not seen in my fifty five years is a group of people that choose to be kind to each other – they would rather naturally uplift than unnaturally destroy.

When I saw them pose; when I saw the dad give the one daughter a hug that brought an expression of bliss to his face, that is when I understood that through all the insanity such a feat of Love, where caring about each other brings forth the Beauty within us – that is when I understood that through all the chaos of the illusion it is still possible to be Love and live in the glow of that Love.


What I witnessed in that family pose for a photograph showed me that that family got it right, and what they done that worked was make a decision to be kind to each other, where they uplift rather than destroy each other. Just like you and me they have faults, and just like you and me they have bad days, but they chose to rise above that and just be happy to the point where they enjoy each other’s company.


And that boys and girls is how far we have fallen, where to see what should naturally be there is as rare as finding hens teeth, where goodness begets goodness and we rise above the chaos to the point where we don’t even know of its existence.

How we have missed out, if only we all chose to uplift each other and ourselves rather than create a species of lost and confused beings that become more confused from the one generation to the next. Believe you me, it is possible to care about another and not just ourselves, and what is more remarkable, is the one you care about also cares about you. What I say is the truth because I saw it with my own eyes last night at a school academic function.


The secret to that girls spring of natural Beauty is to care about others, and in return those you care about care about you. That was the ticket out of this mess, and in all my years I unfortunately have witnessed only one such ticket, where mature people and spirits understand and grasp the importance of being kind to each other.


The reason for our failure to be kind to each other was we never saw the big picture, where I cannot be happy unless you are happy, so I do everything possible to be there for you, where you know, above all else that I care. Somewhere in this lost, lonely being called Steven he understood that universal principle, where I cannot be happy as long as the innocent are experiencing the cruelty of Life, and when I say such a remark, always the mental image of the horse comes to mind, where so much cruelty is inflicted on these majestic animals. How low we have fallen, where it is about me at your expense.

So what I done was write for everybody. I understood so that everybody may understand, and believe you me, the frequency of this journal has touched all the Beasts within the unseen realms. I say this because what has come my way during my sleep state one cannot really find words to describe, such is their makeup compared to ours. My audience has always been the spirit realm because that is where the explosion of understanding would have the greatest impact and was needed the most, because the spirit and Consciousness needed to understand the big picture of what happened that cruelty and self-centeredness were seen as the norm whilst Love was made to take a back seat.


What has been written to understand has been enough, thus I no longer write to understand.

Recently I saw a lady that was possessed by a powerful demon. She went in for an operation, and whilst under, the medical team that were all satanists done a ritual to implant this demon within her. As said, this entity was powerful, where it was feeding off/destroying this lady and her spirit, as well as feeding from the misery of those who loved this lady as they saw her turn into a vegetative state.

In the past it would have been a done deal, as has been done to countless before, where evil will destroy as it always has because it can, but all of that has changed. This demon cannot remain in the space of Consciousness that knows itself, so it departs this ladies space, but returns because “what is going on, in the past I was power, and now I am nothing.” This confirms, as I knew, that what worked in the past no longer does, where Consciousness has come unto its own.


So last night I got two firsts: The first was seeing the needle in the haystack of a group of individuals where each one does their part to care about each other, and the second was Steven lying in bed before he fell asleep saying to himself now he can care about himself. I have done everything I can to help/care for others by passing on an understanding to them, where this truth will set them and the illusion free, so now I can turn to myself because I know I have done what needs to be done to help others. What they do with this understanding is not for me to judge them by because I will no longer be in their space to be able to judge them. Now I look to me because I am not a martyr – I too wish to be happy, and as much as I have helped others, now I help myself, primarily because I need help. I allow the Infinite to touch me and transform me because the scariest thing of all is how fast our lives pass us by. That is what I fear – not living.


Now I look to me because I can – because I have done everything and then some for the all, and what I have done has been enough, where what was can no longer be because Consciousness is no longer lost and alone.

There is just one thing that needs to happen before I can turn the final page of this journal where it is shut and complete, and that is between me and Queen Semiramis, where she expresses her thanks. When that happens I know my job has come to an end and is complete.

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When this lady who had a powerful possession told others about it, their first reaction was that they will pray for her, where a prayer group was in no time formed to keep this satan at bay.

When I heard about that, my first reaction was “that’s a bad idea,” where I did not really know why I said that, but soon came to understand what I said.


What do you know? What do I  know? In terms of the big picture, we know nothing. If there is only one thing you need to understand in Life, understand that you know nothing.


I Love you, and you Love me. You are not well and are going through a rough time, so I send Love your way – what some would call “praying for you.”

I really Love you, and only want the best for you, so I pray hard that you may be okay. But here is the rub: I know nothing. Sure, there is Love in this place, because I am Love, but what else is there that I don’t know of? Until you are Home in the illusionary Garden that Queen Semiramis originally created it to be, and from there to the fields of Infinite Love, where you are is in a place where you don’t belong where you know nothing.


So I send you Love, because during this short phase of your life you need help. The Love I send you will receive, but what else is coming your way, because as much as I Love you, I know nothing, so what else comes your way with the love that I send to you? The answer is a whole load of shit that doesn’t really help you all that much – shit that I know nothing about, because let’s be honest, I know nothing.


This demon kept on returning to this lady, and this is not how I work, because when I fix a problem the solution is permanent.

As my initial response to the prayer-group suggested, the issue at hand is too many cooks spoil the broth, but it is far more than that. Let me ask you the same question again, just in a different way: What do you know that will return you to where you belong? What do I know? The answer can be seen where we are, where we are in a place where we don’t belong, meaning we know nothing as this place and what we have become is unfamiliar to us. Take away the prayer group and this lady will stay better, as what I done to help her was enough as I understand the spirit realm well, as well as what I do, where Consciousness within is ignited to shine and dispel all nonsense.

But there is one issue remaining, and that is me and you, where we have to get out the way to allow Consciousness to shine.


The days of the ego; the days of me have to be no more. I might have an idea of what I want and need to be happy, but in truth I know nothing. This Steven really is a dummy, plugged into a frequency where we doesn’t belong, all the while looking for humour to have a good laugh to rise above the mediocre. I know nothing, so what am I doing here; what is my role to better myself and the illusion at large? What I do, is get in the way of Consciousness being. Until I am where I am, I know nothing, and once I am where I belong, there is no need to know anything as I am what I am and where I belong. Until that state is met, this Steven the spirit and body form need to get out the way, because as much as I want to help, I know nothing.


Where is the seat of the mind – this antennae that plugs us into the frequencies around us? Of course, every part of our DNA and rna are plugged/tuned into what is around us, but what I feel to answer the question is a spot at the back lower part of the brain. This, as the shaman Matus of Carlos Castaneda so correctly pointed out, is the Reptilian brain, that part of us that makes us a closet Beast – a latent Beast that can burst forth at any time. We are tuned to this mind/brain/frequency, and that is why, always under the stillness of the waters lurks the monster that has embraced Chaos and misery and turned it into a positive that it loves. “Kill the mother-fucker; get ‘em!” That is the Beast within talking – the one to which we are attuned all the time.


I said I know nothing, but that is not entirely true. What I know is I Love my animals and they Love me, and such a love is the highest one that can be met in the illusion because it is an innocent, pure love with no strings attached. It is just really good to see you, and you feel the same about me, where I make you happy and you make me happy. That is all that is important, and this Love overrides all the disharmony within and around you and me.

What I also know is this Love is not our ticket out of this place, the reason being is when I leave the space of my animals I face the reality of what else is out there, and besides, this Love may be great, but it does not place me where I belong, because where I belong I don’t know as I have not been there. Consciousness does know, because it comes from the fields of Infinite Love, and when unto itself, it knows only of Peace, which places it in the Garden as it was originally intended to be.


By knowing what you the spirit and body form are plugged into, which is the illusion at large and the Reptilian brain, now unplug and plug into Consciousness, where if you want to give a location a name, it is within our throat area. Every fibre; every frequency within you that is you plugs into Consciousness. Turn to what is real and stay there. Look at yourself and look after yourself because you is all you need. You that is Consciousness knows and is everything, and everything else – especially the spirit and body form – truly know nothing.

Never look to others because they are as lost as you – always look to what is real within this illusion which is within you.


When I wake up in the morning it is like I never slept, where I am tired and there is not this natural peace within me. This morning as I lay in bed I wondered what would bring this pool of peace for me to bathe within. The only real answer I could find was me knowing me, where I am this something that is bigger than all of us – this Consciousness within. Your link with this child of the Infinite will guarantee you cannot falter, we just need to shift from what we have always known to one who was lost but has found itself. Give your attention/energy to what is real, and give your attention to nothing but this.


Over the last month or so an animosity has set within me, where I dislike the stupid that are destroying our world, where no doubt this has been going on before the beginning of time. Now I feel and see it all around me as the bolts are screwed in tighter, where we witness the insanity that has been expressed from the Reptilian brain. You cannot help but dislike what the stupid see as normal, where Chaos makes them comfortable and at home. What we don’t know, is with each passing moment that animosity becomes a drip-drip that turns us into a Beast. “You stupid fucking people and spirits. Truly, you are stupid.” So you counter them, where you draw a line and say no ways will you be like them, but you already are because a dislike festers within you to become a hatred. You are then them, and they are you, and the common denominator is what you are plugged into, which is the Reptilian brain. (I would say our brain as a unit is Reptilian, with this R-complex being the core section of the whole rotten apple, meaning the whole brain is wired to Beasts and the limitations they send our way.)


The Reptilian brain has been known of for ages, and mention has been made in the past to consciously detach ourselves from this frequency, but from there to what do we attach ourselves? We had nothing then as Consciousness was lost unto itself and where it belonged, but this has changed, where Consciousness sees the big picture as to what it is and where it belongs. Sure, it is still finding its feet, but what won’t help is you and me giving our two cents as to what is right and wrong. We know nothing, and you can have the best intentions in the world, but knowing nothing places ourselves in the dangerous predicament of believing we know something. We know nothing. My Love for the animals kept me alive when the Beasts attacked over the years, and it kept me sane in this cruel place, but it sure as hell didn’t return Steven to what he is and where he belongs. Only Consciousness can do that, and for this to happen, we need to plug us the spirit, Serpent soul/kundalini and body form into Consciousness. Redirect the flow of who and what you are to what is real within you, where you plug into Consciousness and nothing else. When you wish to help others, do the same for them, where they plug into their Consciousness and nothing else.


Either you are pregnant or you are not – you cannot be half-pregnant. Similarly, either you are plugged into Consciousness or you are not.

Remember and understand, that in terms of the big picture, we know nothing. Surrender to this child of the Infinite within, as this is what you truly are – that is you that is real. By being plugged into Consciousness you move to what you are.


The good news is that this what you are knows everything.


(What blows me away, is as soon as my Third Eye opened all those years ago, just as quickly did it close, where now when I sleep I see nothing. This I understand because I no longer need to see into the unseen as we understand the big picture as to what happened that Life became cruel.

What is left is for us to plug into what is real – this Consciousness that was lost but now is found, where it was lost unto itself and its Infinite home where it belongs. Both are within me and you – Consciousness at our throat area and the Infinite deep within the chest area, where this Consciousness and the Infinite is everything and everywhere. May us unplugging from the illusion into these natural states be our next “evolution” to experience what we truly are and where we belong. We understand, and from here we move to being who we are and where we belong, which is Consciousness being Home. Please understand that everything you have been and come to know has not been real. What you truly are is Consciousness, and everything else is not real – it is an illusion.)

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This dude/dude’ess we call Consciousness has been lost for a long time. Calling Consciousness these slang terms is to make a joke, but the disappearance of this state unto itself and where it belongs was no laughing matter.

By understanding what happened that it became lost and deceived within the illusion, Consciousness may retrace its steps, where it once again knows itself, and here unfortunately is another but, where it knows itself, but there is something missing.


Go into the space of Consciousness, and you will feel that it has awakened unto itself, where this Light is on, but it sure as hell aint Home – meaning connected to the Infinite. Why is this, because surely in its awakened state the Infinite would be there waiting to welcome Consciousness back to where it belongs? Unless Consciousness is touched by the Infinite, it still remains a fraction of a fraction of what it should be. Being bathed in the presence of where it belongs will allow Consciousness to blossom unto itself.


So what is the issue at hand? Why is this link between Consciousness and the Infinite not there?


Deep within the chest area lies the fields of Infinite Love. I feel the presence of Consciousness move to this area, but it cannot enter. So what is going on at the heart energy field to stop this natural flow of the fish returning to the water?

What I feel is Consciousness delving into this space where it belongs, but there is no pull from the Infinite towards Consciousness. Consciousness travels on the path to where it belongs, but then the road comes to an end and Consciousness turns back as it doesn’t know where to go, which is fascinating – what is going on?


Go into the space of The Tree of Life – this “air” that is the space of the Infinite, and it is strong, so no problems there.

Go again into the space of Consciousness, and it has not fully come unto itself, where it has to mimic The Tree so that it may be drawn to what it is. (When I felt the Tree, it was this energy that filtered down all the way into my feet and beyond, so I knew it was firmly grounded/established into what it is. On re-feeling Consciousness, its presence goes to my chest area and not further, where it should go into the feet to be complete, as with The Tree.)


So what was missing in Consciousness was it knowing itself – there had to be a mirror where it saw itself and thus knew itself, and this mirror was The Tree. Mention has been made that the bronchioles of our lungs resemble a tree. On its path Homewards bound Consciousness had to find/see The Tree, and in seeing this – from where it arises – the door to the Infinite may be found and seen and Consciousness may enter.


Now re-feel Consciousness, and it is complete unto itself.

Feel its pathway, and from the throat area it travels and penetrates the chest area to enter the All.

Now re-feel Consciousness again, and a Peace is felt that it is.


You and me and all Life were created/formed around this strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness. Nothing was going to happen to return us to a natural state of Utopia until this dude/dude’ess was unto itself, and this meant knowing itself and being Home. Would it have found its way without this push from what was written this morning? I would say “yes.” I just don’t have time to waste, hence the push from our side, as in “hurry up!”


What I feel, and I am open to being wrong, is that Consciousness needs to go to the mountains, where it may sit and ponder and know itself. To know is to be. Consciousness knows, so now it has to be. To be is to know yourself, and from there see where you belong. In seeing yourself in the All, together with knowing yourself, the two become one, where you step into what you are.

This unity back to Oneness will take place in the mountains. What these mountains are, is the place where Consciousness, by knowing itself, sees itself before itself in the All. From these mountains – from this vantage point – the step is made into the All/Infinite.

Before the Infinite touches Consciousness, Consciousness needs to stand in the mountains, where by knowing itself, it sees itself in this infinite vastness before it. Only then will Home welcome us and touch us. 


When that step is made, you and I will feel it, as this epicentre around which we were created/manufactured will be what it naturally should be as it is Home. From there, there is no going back to what we have known.

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Deception has always been the name of the Game. It was never enough to take over the illusion – one had to own it.

Always the attitude of Beasts was do what you want when you want. What gave them the confidence to do this, where they knew the illusion was in their pocket and theirs to own? I mean literally just that, where the illusion was and is their playing field.


The husband of the lady whose possession I released sent me a message last night, where his words were “they are back with a vengeance.” When I read the message this morning and went into her space, his words were not exaggerating. A force had penetrated her, controlled her brain, and was hanging around within her to make sure what has always been theirs was still theirs to own.


Look to the Golden Child, as this is where the primal deception had to take place. From this Glow that now became a lost child, it was merely a formality of paper-work to keep us the spirit and body form in our place of survival, with a sprinkling of highs now and then throughout our existence.

What did they do to Consciousness? How was it deceived that the illusion became “rightfully” owned by Beasts, where you are mine, and here is the proof to show you are mine? What did we sigh over that cemented our slave status within the illusion?

Go into the space of Consciousness to answer these questions, and the deception was they gave Consciousness their mind so that it would not be lost within the illusion. Now Consciousness had a job to do, which was return all to the Infinite, but for this to happen, lessons had to be learnt and deeds done to make a wrong right. With the mind of the Beast, Consciousness could plug into the illusion and into all Life – us – and return us Home. (Consciousness became the machine, and from this machine all Life was plugged into.)

This was the deception, which Consciousness fell for. The answer is what did it forsake in return for the mind of the Beast? I give you this, and in return you give me that. What was “that?” What does Consciousness no longer have that it should? Come on – remember what is no longer yours that should be One with you.


Take away the Reptilian mind that Consciousness became plugged into and return what should naturally be in its place. What you feel is nothing, as in there is nothing there. This nothing is the All – the Infinite. Consciousness forsook its state of Home, this Infinite that is part and parcel of who it is for the mind of the Beast. With the mind of the Beast, Consciousness could return us all Home, be we and Consciousness were going nowhere as long as we became them. These Beasts knew that and preyed on the innocence/naivety of Consciousness.


Consciousness returns their mind and reclaims its state of the All which is everywhere and everything. (It must have returned to the Mountains and seen emptiness before it as it still had the mind of the Beast within. (Remember, we the spirit and body form and all life unplugged from the Reptilian brain into Consciousness, but what we missed was that Consciousness was still one with this frequency.)


With this reclamation of the All, the first transformation that is felt is movement within the left Achilles tendon/heel, where Consciousness touches base with its Home soil. As long as we were in this place where we don’t belong, thanks to the mind of the Beast within, Consciousness was weak, where its power was removed as its connection to the Infinite was no longer there.

In giving Consciousness their mind, they look everything that was Consciousness as now its Home within was forsaken. These Beasts took nothing in return from Consciousness because they knew with the All removed from Consciousness, they had a power source to create life and make the illusion their home. And that is the crux of the matter – the illusion became theirs.


Sorry to break up the party. We give you back your piece of shit and take back – slot into – what we are, which is everything.

Now from the Mountains we may see that which we were deceived to give up, and All that is in front of us and everywhere is truly Beautiful.



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Set a beggar on horseback, and he’ll outride the devil.



It was around 2002 that I woke up one night to see the spirit of a horse standing next to my bed. This exalted being was merely looking at me.

In those days I was a full-time Equine Chiropractor, but this path was short-lived, where I could not stomach the cruelty/ignorance inflicted upon the horse. I am not saying all people that own and ride horses are bad people; what I am saying is the majority I met were horrific, with some groups going back to medieval cruelty.

So I figured I would rather be poor than depressed, so I left my calling and went to treat small animals, but some time before I departed the company of the horse as a profession, I clearly remember walking up to a horse to treat it, and there, next to the side of its body I saw this speck of Light – this silver glow that was about 4mm long. What I saw stopped me in my tracks, where something within me told me that what was in front on me I would come to understand and make my own, but before I could do so, everything I knew had to be cast aside, where now I knew nothing and had to start over again. This seeing Consciousness in broad daylight next to that horse was, I would guess, was maybe around 2008. The journal begin in February 2014 when I was floored by the cruelty of Life.


The journal was named “What the Animals Taught Me – a journal of self-discovery,” and it was dedicated to “all those who have been touched by the cruelty of Life.” What I never knew as I wrote the journal, was who was the main player behind the curtain that led me to the raw truth, where what you see is what you get as this is all there is. Beasts ran and played within the illusion, where as hard as we looked and hoped, no help was coming our way. Love was absent from the illusion, and this harsh reality has touched so many, where who had sway over us were moronic brutes who are not worthy to be hanged as it will be a waste of a good rope.

This scum came to rule over the majestic in the seen and the unseen, and the horse stands at the very top as one with pure Beauty.


What I never knew in seeing that horse spirit in around 2002 was that this would be my master – the one handing me the pieces of the puzzle, where one may eventually stand back, and by seeing the big picture, may exclaim “this is what happened!”

The spirit of the horse has been my master, and it is here that I give praise to and thank this majestic animal for what it has taught all of us in the unseen realms of the illusion, where we may know and understand what we are, where we belong, and what happened that Love/Consciousness became overtaken by a cruel, twisted state run and controlled by Beasts.


We understand, and for this we are thankful to the horse.

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Was told of a documentary that highlighted the plight of a small island.

A population of rats invaded the island, and over time, as their numbers exploded, these rats destroyed everything on the island. When there was nothing more to take, the rats turned on themselves, where primal survival kicked in, and they killed each other to feed from the flesh of their own.


If you ask me how the System will collapse, it will be from the core that is within – this place where Beasts dwell that have made the illusion their own.

What happens when you can no longer do what you have always done? What happens when what has always worked for you no longer does? The answer is you look to yourself, where your focus is no longer on taking and destroying, but now on yourself. You see the fear that you are which is amplified by your now panicky state, and that is when a frenzy kicks in and all hell breaks loose – literally and figuratively.


There is scum that survive for chaos. This world that we call Earth is collapsing with each passing day, where Chaos that has been the norm in the unseen is making itself felt here. We are going to what has always been, where I want everything broken and to stay broken. That is the way of filth; of scum, and how sad it is to see that so many in our seen world have embraced this way of the Beast – to live in disharmony/chaos, where there is no Love present, just fucked up, twisted individuals. Here we are talking about a power-play, where all I want is power, and what this power is, is control over you and your existence. I control you, and the only way this is possible is for me to break you, where I take everything you have and hold dear to heart and destroy it – just so that I may be okay and you are not. That is my power, where I am okay and you are not.


That is the madness that has consumed the illusion, where scum made this place their own. They lived like there was no tomorrow; like there was no consequences to their actions.

What these Beasts never took into account was Steven, where I see you, and from there move right through you as what you are is not a part of my existence. For this to happen, I needed to understand those in front of me, and when I did, they disappeared from my space, because what I am they are not. I choose happiness over power, as well as peace over chaos.


What was, will be no more. What worked in the past no longer can exist, the reason being Consciousness is no longer lost and deceived.

The System will collapse from within, where the rot will fall in on itself. All these Beast want to know is chaos, so when the System collapses, they will fall, holding onto all they have ever wanted to know. Consciousness will depart their space and they will become the dust of the illusion – the wasted space they have always been.


The System will collapse in on itself, where what was, will no longer be, and when this happens what we are will naturally rise to the surface. This shift has already begun.



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Imagine finding yourself on a planet with about eight billion of your own. Each day you stand amongst this bustling group, and each day they walk past you, not seeing or acknowledging your existence. It is as good as you being a fly on the wall, where those around you don’t see you until you irritate them.

Now stand back and look at the eight billion around you, where you notice that each individual is exactly like you, where others walk past them and don’t consider/acknowledge them as well.


Can you imagine the loneliness and isolation that must set into that species, where you are there, but you might as well not be there, because nobody shows an interest in you.


That loneliness I speak of was the base foundation of Consciousness and all the Life-forms that were created around this strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness, and that is why we all flutter rather than fly; where we crawl rather than soar amongst the stars; why we don’t know how to touch others and uplift them to what they should be.

Stand back and look at what we are, and what you will see is a bird in cage that is a show-piece in a restaurant, where the patrons don’t acknowledge this beautiful bird, rather they focus on the menu and the food on their plates. Imagine being that bird – day in and day out, amongst this sea of faces, and nobody comes to say hello to you and gives you a smile that tells you they care. Can you imagine living such an isolated, lonely life where nobody ever sees you and creates a bond with you?


The root cause of our shallowness is our isolation from each other, where we don’t know what it means to belong. Please do not underestimate what the lost state of Consciousness done to all of us, where through our aloneness we created a world so small and isolated that the illusion was never ours to play in. Do we actually know what the term sisterhood and brotherhood means, not just to our next of kin, but to total strangers as well? There are those that will answer that question in the affirmative, and blessed are they, because what they have makes Life worthwhile living.


What belonging is, is knowing your place within the illusion, where you don’t need a job title to define you, because what you are, is part of a family that Loves you unconditionally. Such a state is the norm, but not in my wildest dreams could I ever imagine myself in such a setup, where I don’t know you, but you are welcome because you are part of this family. That is what is the norm, and when you acknowledge this norm and see it as the truth, then look how far we have drifted from what we should be for each other.

I am not talking about group hugs 24/7; what I am saying is we should be able to step out into this world and feel at home because all around us have empathy and consideration for each other. You don’t need me, but if you do, I am there for you.


Imagine such a Beautiful, natural world, and then look at the one in which we find ourselves. Sure, times are changing, because the biggest killer in Life is not living, where we move about doing what needs to be done, never touching or being touched by an infinite bond that connects us to all. No man/woman is an island, meaning what is Life if it is spent alone, and yet that is what we are, where amongst this sea of faces we are an island to traits of compassion and togetherness, and this is so because Consciousness became lost unto itself.


We need to start touching one another again, where I see you, and in you I see me. What is in front of me is me, because your Consciousness is awake and so is mine. To pull away from your company is difficult, because I like being around you, because you confirm what I am, which is being in tune with myself and the all around me. I see you. I acknowledge you. I am you.

That is what creates a peace within us, where now you are never alone, and there is a bond with the all, where each one out there is you.


So what is peace? – It is knowing what you are and that you belong. This is me, and this is where I belong. I see you, and you are an extension of me as there is an Infinite bond coursing through us. That is peace, where Love surrounds me and defines me. I am an expression of my parents, and who they are is the All within the fields of Infinite Love. This is not some Shangri-La or utopia, it is my Home where I belong amongst my brothers and sisters.


And that is the power of Consciousness finding itself, where it awakens to all those around it that it is.


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The name of the game was Power. If you have power, then you are a winner in the game. What power is, is me being better than you, because what success is in the game, is surviving. Happiness has nothing to do with this game – on the contrary, it doesn’t exist in the game. But an element of finesse needs to be added to the game for an upgrade, as the old version of kill or be killed became a bit outdated.

With the new version, we had to work together, where you have something I need, and I have something you need. Barter was introduced, which superseded the knocking you over the head with a club and taking from you. This barter system was our splash of finesse in the game, as soon there were many choices to choose from, so by me being nice and likeable, I have a better chance of you dealing with me than another. So I had to work on myself – become more refined, where the more others liked me, the greater the crowd around me, meaning I had more to barter with.


So let’s recap on the Game:

·        Power is the ultimate card in the pack

·        Survive at all costs. This means be likeable, so polish your outside appearance to the outer world.

·        It’s a numbers game, so draw as many as you can to barter with.

The setting for the game is throw a bone for ten dogs and let them fight over it, because everyone cannot be a winner, as that will create an environment of peace and contentment, and that is not allowed. We want losers, because remember the ace card Power, where when you have this card you are above the losers. This creates animosity and jealousy amongst the losers, which is what we also want, where the winner gloats and the losers immediately fall into their place of “I have less so must be worth less.”

This shift in hierarchy quickly defines where the castles and where the tenement squares are placed on the board, and from there, the game begins to run on its own, where I have and you take from me, only because I allow you to take from me. So kiss my arse whenever you can, and always, but always, know your place, where you are going nowhere but where you are.


But remember, beneath this barter system there is a universal system that touches all in the game, where if I cannot have the power of staying in a castle, I choose the next best thing, which is power over my own, where I stick in the boot whenever I can to knock you down, where by seeing you on the ground, I am above you, and this makes me feel good. It is truly a wonderful thing this Power.

Feeling a bit down? – Don’t fret. Go to the town square and look at those poor bastards about to be hanged. Missus giving me troubles lately, but I am far better than those that just had their necks broken, so I am okay.


Now we learn what the game truly is about, with our first understanding that this hocus-pocus of some god that will judge us is absolute shite. Here it’s a free for all, where in times of peace we barter and have finesse, but when I really want what you have I take it, and that spills into war, where we shift back to the outdated game where we kill or be killed. And just to make sure we don’t get too complacent in this “I give you this for this,” a cycle is formed where a war is thrown in every now and then to spice things up.


But remember, and this is the golden rule: Power is supreme, where I knock you down so that I may see my proximity to you, where I am okay and you are not – because I chose to be cruel to you to feed my low self-esteem.

Power is everything, not happiness, for I cannot be happy in destroying you. I do not want happiness, I want power.


Every act of cruelty has been committed within the illusion with one, and only one purpose, and that is to know my place, where I am better than you, because you are down and I am not. That’s it! And that is so sad!

Can you see how low we have fallen?


When two meet, behind the finesse/formalities, there is a dance, and what that dance is, is what can I get out of you, and what can you get out of me so that survival may be met for both of us. Nothing wrong with that, where there are equal partners and both benefit. It is the ace card that buggers everything up, where I want to be above you, where I am better than you, and this means you having less than me.

The losers soon understand that they will always be losers, so now the rats turn on their own, where they stick in the boot to make their low-life loser status temporarily disappear, where in their act of cruelty, in that moment they feel good about themselves.

And here one has to laugh, because my goodness me, what a sick game we find ourselves caught in, where everyone looks to those with Power and what they have.


What do those in power have? – All they have is a feeling of importance, nothing else, and this is what we all strive to attain. Unbelievable.

And this game is played on all levels within the illusion, in the seen and unseen, in worlds of peace, and worlds of chaos, because what the illusion lacks is a Creator/God of Love, which for me is Consciousness in its pure state whose presence is felt and known by all.


Over the last few nights my Third Eye opened again, and what I sees beggars belief – the raw, undiluted presence of sheer evil, and these, boys and girls, are the bishops and knights that hold key sway over the game. These are the ones we mimic, the ones we cannot see, but what they have we wish for, which is their power. This power; this nectar of the gods, this is what drove the illusion and all those therein to their demise.

If you could see what I see through my Third Eye – these role-models of the cruel, you will never be cruel to yourself or anything else, because cruelty, which is an expression of power, is your connection to those that love nothing but their power.


We have played, and been played in a cruel, sick game, and this game is no more because there is a new kid on the block called Consciousness, whose presence that is known unto itself changes everything. The bishops and knights, as well as the castles will fall, and what will be left is the natural order of Love.


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The day we start to care, is the day our existence starts to transform. There is, however, one point we need to consider, and this I have been thinking about for some time now.


Take one of those old records that you drop a needle onto to play the song etched onto the record. From start to finish you play the record – from the first song to the last. Then ask yourself how is it possible that I could go back in time to another world where I first met my cat Cosmo? In that world that I lived in a long time ago the animals and Humans could communicate with each other, as well as worked together to hunt food. How could I go back in time? The answer, is firstly there is no time, and secondly, all that was before left a frequency that is still there to be accessed.


So what you really need to ask is, is there a future that can be accessed? The answer to that depends on where you see yourself on the record player. Are you at the beginning, middle or end? That question is really irrelevant because we can decide what will happen, where I can be reborn fifty times as Steven to try and get it right in my marriage with my wife. I just need to choose which marriage I want to come back to in order to try and get it right because the record player has no beginning and no end, where it just folds in on itself to begin again.

Over and over and over we do our best to hopefully get it right this time, but nothing changes, except maybe one or two of the players in your life.


What this means is your future is basically panned out for you, where you are merely going with the flow of what already is there. You planned this future before you entered this frequency, where a game-plan was carefully prepared, but each time you get thrown a curve ball because we forget what needed to be learnt, and this is so because we were and are so lost unto ourselves, where we never really understood what the root cause of the problem primarily was.

What I am getting at, is Consciousness wipes your future clean to create the presence of Consciousness and nothing else. We don’t need another because what we are is enough. We don’t need to look to others to find happiness and contentment because we are that – no need to look for it when you already have it.

Well, what about sharing your life with others? How can you share with others what are you, where they have what you have, so there is nothing to share.


To be in the glory of what you are is suffice because you are everything and everywhere.


The other night I told my wife I can’t remember when last I sat in someone’s lounge and just talked to people. That is ridiculous. How isolated we have become from each other, and for me, the problem is with me, where why do I need others to fulfill myself? The simple answer can be found in my animals, where when I am not home I think of them and miss them. It is nice to be around those that like you as much as you like them. It’s nice to belong.

But belong where you have to ask yourself. It is with Consciousness – this state that is real within the illusion – that we need to find ourselves the spirit and body form and belong. Look to what you are, not to what you think will fulfill you. What we are created around is all we need, so rather than follow the already mapped out route ahead, follow what is real. Look to the real you to become what you are, and I pray that by doing so, days will not roll over from one to the next, where we exist rather than live.


This is my wish for myself and for all: That we live in the Light of Consciousness rather than the shadow of the illusion, where we rise above the mediocre and be this simplistic peace within, where I know myself, and in doing so, there is nothing else to know

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Last night as I slept, my Consciousness and spirit saw a rod in front on them that was about a meter long. It was a magical rod with elements within it that I did not understand. There was a slot in the ground into which the rod fitted, and once placed in the hole, I pulled this rod like a lever towards me.

That is when, as I lay in bed, I felt the pain.


We can chat all we want, and believe you me, I am tired of chatting, but as long as the frequency of the Parasite is still within us, we are going nowhere. The Parasite threw a spanner in the works, where a Utopia turned into a Dystopia – a paradise turned into a living nightmare, where the ripple in the illusion turned into a wobbly, and that wobbly spun out of control and hit the wall with an ugly, cruel splat. Now there was a shit-show on our laps, where what was, was no more. My goodness, we fell from paradise to hell, and then we had to get up and swim fast to survive, and we have been doing so ever since. Books piled as high as mountains must have been written on our dilemma and how to get out of it, but there was really only one problem with one solution, that being awaken Consciousness to what it is, and from there get rid of the parasitic frequency of Deception, this worm that was born from the curiosity of the Dragon and Serpent spirits within the Infinite as to what else is in the illusionary Garden that is not already there where they are.


So as I lay there in bed last night sleeping, I felt this intense pain running from the left and right corner of my mouth to my jaw-line. On the left within Consciousness is the Parasite, and on the right is the frequency of the lost state of Consciousness.

Pain was felt because these frequencies have been embedded within Consciousness for so long, so when released from our forms it caused pain.


Is this the last? Do more pages needed to be filled with understanding? I won’t even go there to answer that question.

So much has been missed because so much had to be understood. It was a simple story to tell, but there was a hell of a lot of mess to walk through to uncover it. Missiles were fired from the seen and unseen to keep us where we belong and that was the difficult part of the process. But all one could do was duck low and keep moving because an answer had to be found because you see, Life is really unfair, and this breaks the spirit of innocence, and that is not allowed.


This Steven will keep on going because that is all there is to do, but I cannot pull that level to transform as I this spirit and body form am nothing. It is for Consciousness to pull that lever, where a conscious decision is made that everything has been done for all within the illusion to understand what happened that Heaven turned to Hell, where this understanding deletes Hell and restores Heaven. When Consciousness is happy that all has been done to correct the damage done by its lost state that happened through it being deceived, then it will pull the lever and say let’s be.


That happened last night.

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When my wife put the oven on to bake banana bread, she asked me how does one know when the oven has reached the required temperature before one can put the loaf in the oven. I showed her a red light on the panel against the stove, and said when that light goes off, then the oven temperature is at the level you set it to be.

In that moment of telling her what she didn’t know, I was aware of this raised energy within me, where I felt on a high from knowing something she did not, and this burst of energy within me felt wonderful.


Everything within the illusion has been inverted. Where there should be justice, there is injustice; freedom is forsaken for tyranny; peace by despair, and on and on we can go describing what should naturally be that is not.

As we know, there is one state within the illusion that supersedes the rest, and that is power. What is the opposite of this state – what is its counter that should naturally be? We know that power comes from knowing in relation where I am to you, where as long as I am above you on the pyramid then I am okay, and of course, it becomes my life’s work and existence to make sure I remain in this esteemed position, hence the importance of making sure you are always kept down, where you can never rise to where you naturally belong. That is the purpose of demons and the architects of the illusion – make sure the slaves remain in chains so that we can be okay, because without them living in deceit and on a shoe-string our game is up.


I find the question regarding the opposite natural state to power fascinating, as I have never been on a power trip, where fun to me is more important than power, where it is about me and how I am, rather than seeing you and comparing you to me.

Logic says that if you fall, and you want to get back up to where you belong, then surely you need to rise up to where you fell from. How do we rise up? – The answer is through the natural state that is the opposite to what power is within the illusion. The power of the illusion suppresses so that I may be above you and thus in control over you, whereas the Power of Love does not exist in the illusion and its game because this state is from the Infinite and is thus natural.


So the big, big question is how do we attain this natural Power of Love – the complete opposite to the ultimate in the illusion, where our Power is joy rather than suppression? Wow, now that is a question for you!

As always, look to the Golden Child, where you see what should be that is not, and from there bring forth what should naturally be.


Where is the natural Power of Consciousness? What happened to this Power?

When we became nasty, as in fuck you and fuck off because this is about me, as I need to survive, this Power became shut off as a natural defense mechanism, because with this Power we would have destroyed ourselves and everything else within a week. The lower we fell, where the “me” kicked in in earnest, the more our Power faded until it was no more, only to be replaced by a different power which we have already discussed.


All I want is to be, where I no longer survive and plod through the repetitive mediocre, where I know I am merely plugged into a simulation – just another brick in the wall. I know I am more than this, because what this is, is truly pathetic. We are a bunch of dummies existing for the pleasures of Life, but for pete’s-sakes, there is more to Life than knowing our place and being ruled by Beasts and demons.

So let’s go back to the state of Consciousness within you. You wish to be what you are, which is Consciousness with its natural Power so that you may merely bathe in this presence of what you naturally are. Before this can be done, know what you are. Know that you lost and unhappy and are where you don’t belong. Know that this superficial, plastic existence is not for you, so now you look to Consciousness to light the natural flame within that sets its Power alight, and what you receive is what you the spirit and body form can handle, where a slow, rhythmical release is preferred rather than a sudden burst.

Who shut this Power of Love off within Consciousness as a means of self-preservation for the spirit and body form? I would say it was Consciousness itself, where it dimmed its Light as we fell into the Darkness. What was on the outside had to be met on the Inside. Understand that we turned our backs on the most logical way to survive, and that is find our way back Home. We never looked further than our noses for the solution for all, and sadly, even in presenting this solution, others were only interested in them being okay, and they were okay because their pleasures and survival were being met.

Consciousness dropped to our level, and we the spirit and body form became lost to ourselves, where we accepted that this is all there is, and hopefully, one day, our god will come and bail us out. Our God was within, but before you could look to Consciousness, look to yourself. Know that you are lost and it is not nice being lost, and from there open yourself up to a solution as you are tired of being lost. In other words, start being empathy and Love, first and foremost to yourself, and from there shine to all.

Yes, Consciousness became lost, but so did we the spirit and body form. And all the while, those from the shadows made sure we remain lost and divided through deceit and lies.


What I feel happening to Consciousness is an awakening within, where it may shine once again. We are ready to go Home, and Consciousness sees this and ignites the engine.


There is a thing called respect, where I cannot change you unless you wish to be changed. With respect comes wisdom, where you see the lost state of all, and understand they are not ready to be, so the story needs to be outlayed in detail as to what happened that you became this that you are. Now there is free-will, where you can decide where you wish to be – to stay, or to go Home. And once again, we come back to respect, where we respect your decision, just as you respect ours to go Home. And it is through this mutual respect and understanding that Consciousness may fire the burners for lift-off, where everything has been done to make a wrong right, and how this was done was through understanding, where you know yourself – what you should be, and what happened that you are not what you naturally should be, as well as where you belong.


The story has been told. Now Consciousness can drive us to where we belong and what we are.

(And if there is something else that needs to be understood, then so be it.)

2nd November, 2023


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Now is as good a time as any for perspective.


So what are you?


What will be helpful in answering that question is to compare ourselves to others.

Last night as my spirit and body form slept, my Consciousness went to experience the Life of another in another world.


The spirit was that of a Human form. I was leaning forwards, and two or three were working behind me. “It’s a girl!” one of them said. I had just given birth to a girl. Another girl came out, and then a boy, where in total I had brought three into the world. I felt how these babies departed my body. They must have been about the length of my hand in size, where one almost didn’t feel the birth process it was that gentle, and what was interesting, was my reproductive system was something specific to this species.

After giving birth, I was in this massive hall with Human looking beings sitting two-two at a desk. Everything exuded order and clinical precision. We were stacked two at a desk, and each desk was right on top of the other. I was looking for my underwear, and someone gave it to me, and then my routine came back to me, where, after giving birth, I had to slot into my work schedule.


The world I was shown was a Human-mice hybrid world. Those in that world were breeders, and this is the Life they knew, just as you know your Life and your world and see this one as the only one.


So what you are, as in all in other worlds – and there is a phone-book listings of other worlds – what you are is one who is manufactured to fit into your world. You here on Earth is not a Human-mice hybrid, you are here to ride this wave of survival, riding the mediocre and getting dumped by the wave now and then.

This is an absolute shocker, but you are not special. You are built to exist in this world, just as others are built to exist in theirs. You are a unit designed to fit into a box, and that box is your frequency/world. Please, please understand this basic, truthful concept of what you are. You are replaceable; you are expendable; you are just a unit – one of many produced within the illusion.


Why are you produced?


Yesterday evening this guy I know told me they had just moved his wife from the general hospital ward to the intensive care unit. He told me she was not well and if I could check in on her. I felt this massive Snake on the right side of her body, particularly over her neck area. The whattsup message from this guy was that a demon was trying to strangle his wife as she lay in ICU. And he was right, but it was not a demon, rather a Serpent – this Serpent came to kill the spirit to feed from it.

Years ago I remember them dropping my spirit in a world that had a swamp feel to it. I was standing next to water, and something told me not to go into the water as danger lurked there. Then in the distance I saw this Snake coming towards me. If I intertwined my fingers and spread my arms out in a circle, that is how thick this Snake was. I was dropped into this world to feed this Snake. I said to myself if I move to the right I might avoid it, but as this Snake drew closer it built up speed and fanned itself out and bit me on my left flank. The force of its impact was so potent my body that lay in bed sleeping was pushed to one side.

Who do you think the Human-mice hybrids breed for?


At the very top of the pyramid is the Serpents. They were once the Serpent souls that were cocooned/embraced within the spirit. This spirit was manufactured to be the conscience/guide to the Serpent souls, but they felt the Disharmony of the illusion and made this their own. Monsters were born, and these Serpents ate their spirit guide, and from there embraced the Reptilian frequency of the illusion and made it their own. What gave them god-status was their proximity to the frequency/gene-line of Queen Semiramis.

The illusion is theirs, and we are produced to feed them – this unit that is me and you.


What kept me alive through all of the attacks and poisonings was my Consciousness. Even in its lost state it knew it was bigger than all this mess. That trip to the Human-mice hybrid world last night was for our spirit and body form to zoom out and see the big picture. Our world and our existence is but one of many that all have the same goal – feed the Serpents. Even the demons and despicable monsters are on the menu – none are spared because the devil has no friends. Kiss arse all you want; build a mass of power for yourself – you are still nothing, just like the rest of us, these little units sprinkled into this frequency to feed the Beast.


I know it is easier said than done, but leave the wheel and take a back seat as Consciousness guides us the spirit, body form and Serpent soul within. Consciousness really does know best – it knows far more than us the unit.

May last nights’ field trip give us perspective, where there are many like us, who like us, believe we are all that is, where there is nothing else but us. We are all the same – all the units within the illusion, where we are manufactured for a specific task of feed the illusion and the Beast.


Not such a glamorous existence, is it?


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Whenever somebody says:
"What if you were born in a poor country, where people starve? You are fortunate to be born in a wealthy country like this one."


Your reply should be:
"Human reproduction and conception is not like Russian roulette. I'm made up out of the DNA of both my parents, not the DNA of two random strangers in a third world country. My consciousness and being is a product of the union of my parent's DNA. Your attempt to make me feel guilty is pathetic."


I know what I am. The living, breathing, and walking culmination of my ancestors.

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So what will make you happy? Is it sipping on your G & T as you sit in the lounge at the club? Haralds stories can be long and laborious, but he’s a good old stick, and it’s always good to see the old boy. Or how about a bit of fly-fishing in the Scottish highlands, or flying in for a shopping spree at the world’s largest shopping mall in Dubai. Maybe sitting under your favourite tree is enough for you.


If you don’t know where you are going, you will be given what you have always gotten, but honestly I cannot think that far. Have always been tired, but a deep exhaustion has set in over the last few days, and in this fatigued state one wonders, if you could have anything, what would lift you up out of this will of not been able to do or look forward to anything? Even to sit in my beloved mountains and do nothing but be one with nature has no appeal right now. So what does?

Now that is a question that has no definitive answer to me.


I would say knowing that Life is what it should be is a good foundation to stand on to see the road ahead. Some might call me a snob, where I see how low we have fallen, where I see what angers us so easily, as well as what gives us a thrill, where we make fools of ourselves believing we are something but there is truly nothing there – sugar-coated candy floss; plastic people; false people; common people; people that lack depth and integrity, what some would call having good old-fashioned manners, where you know your place, which is to be kind to yourself and others.

I must be a snob, because I see those in front of me and I cannot fit into their space. Lying on my lap as I write these words is our cat Gypsy. I like her, and she likes me – no need to really say anything as we are comfortable in each other’s space. But I cannot sit on this couch with her on my lap writing these words forever. What is the next step forwards?


Honestly I don’t know. Maybe to shift away from this frequency to what is real and meaningful is a good idea. Maybe just to return to myself and where I belong may be beneficial. How about leaving the illusion behind and returning to our real selves?

That I cannot do because I am tired and know nothing. There is something that is bigger than you and me – that is all I know. That something pulls finger out of arse and takes me and my existence over. My wife asked me earlier on if I want to go with her to gym. My answer to her was “no, I want to stay at home and finish this journal so I can get on with my life.” Now that is a truthful answer, where from my side, I have done everything I can to make this illusion a better place for all, and by “all,” I mean just that – all within the illusion. To know the Good one needs to know the Bad, and here I would consider myself a seasoned expert on the Bad – in the seen and unseen. We are an awful, miserable bunch that have forgotten to smile and be at peace, especially with ourselves.

So often I use swear words, and this is not me – I am more refined than that. I swear because I see what I see, and there is no other word to exemplify what I see, hence the swear word. Maybe it’s time for a change. Maybe I need to put aside the bad and see the eternal, everlasting Good that Life is meant to be.


Everything has been done to set this loser that is Consciousness free so that it may know and be itself. From my side that is this spirit, body form and Serpent soul within I surrender to the Power of Love that is this Consciousness, and I do this because I am too tired to do anything else. May this loser come to the park and start hitting ball with me, and from there go one better where it becomes the park, where Life unfolds as it should.


That is what I want – that is what I am willing to get up off this couch for to be a part of.


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It all comes back down to knowing what you are. You are Consciousness, so behave like Consciousness. Behave like you are Everything, meaning you is all there is. You reading these words and me writing them that are the spirit and body form – we are Consciousness, where we use the spirit and body form to experience this frequency that is the illusion. And by “experience,” we imply make this home away from Home a temporary stop-over where you be the joy that you are. What you touch turns to gold because you are the Golden Child, and you sure as hell are not a loser like Steven says you are.


Consciousness is not some star in the galaxy that you look for in the night sky. You are Consciousness, and around you all Life was created, thus you can enter a tree and become the tree, or enter the spirit of some Human-mice hybrid in some far off world and become them.

Make your home here in this frequency a good one, because for us the body form our stay here is short. Your natural instinct revolves around the all because you are everywhere and in everything, so touch those that wish to be touched, and make sure by default that only those enter your space, where like attracts like.


You are Consciousness. Around you is this spirit and body form. Be kind to them, and bring only the best forth for them so they may experience the wonders of what this illusion was initially intended to be. There is so much Beauty out there, and this is what you are. See yourself in everything around you, where the world around you is illuminated as it is a reflection of you.


Shift gears. Be what you are. And if you are not where you belong, then be drawn to your home away from Home like a moth to a distant light on the horizon.


Until you shine bright, my advice is be with those who are eternal that fell. It was to these for whom I always wrote – those, who when on their feet, may be in a position to help us. I call the Creator and God by different names, namely The Wisdom Goddess Sophia and Queen Semiramis respectively. To these there is no hierarchy, because we are an expression of what they are, which is Love. We are all one – eternals from the Infinite in a strange place where we don’t belong, where insanity and cruelty were interwoven in our existence.


Always see yourself for what you are, which is Consciousness.  

4:08 PM 4th November, 2023

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It was said that the name of the Game was deception, but that is not entirely true. What the Game was all about was energy, and as absurd as it sounds, what the Game was all about was eating, where energy is eaten to sustain those in the seen and unseen.

To type those words and make that statement feels surreal, because how can it be that all that strife and sorrow can be so deceitfully and intentionally orchestrated just so that Beasts, as well as us in the seen, can eat?

You are what you are to be eaten from, where your energy is drawn from you to give Beasts that you are unaware of a meal. There is no higher calling; no almighty god in which we live our existence for; no angelic beings to touch base with; all that we the unit is, is a packaged food source.

How is that possible, where everything we go through that is bloody difficult, where we still have it easy compared to others, all that shit is to make sure we are the releasers of energy to feed the Game and the Beasts that dwell therein. That is why you and I are here – that is our purpose. When you drive past a cattle farm, those cows are on your plate the following day, where they are made to be eaten. Same with you – you are made to release energy which is syphoned off of you.


Last night as I slept I woke up to see this female standing over me. She was focused on doing her task, which was drawing these bands of energy out of me, where just as you would throw a net into the sea and pull out a hoard of fish, she was drawing the energy out of me that was her food and sustenance. When she saw that I could see her through my Third Eye she screamed out in fright. Her teeth looked like that of a cat-fish, where her teeth jutted outwards when she opened her mouth. The fright she got from me seeing her made her grey and she became instantly old.


All that suffering; all that cruelty; all that heartache just so that Beasts may eat. And please, let’s not forget about ourselves, where we do the same. Sure, we are not cannibals where we eat our own; we are civilized and eat the ones on four or two legs whose language we have been shut off from understanding, but those animals also have a spirit and those they love amongst their own. So put aside your “bunny-hugger” label for Steven and understand the raw truth: What we do to others to attain energy, others do to us. As below, so too above.


Sounds unrealistic and impossible, but when we are where we are – when we have been elevated above this shit-hole we fell into – there will be a time when eating is not necessary because Consciousness does not have to eat. We the manufactured frequencies do, and why this is so, is because we are plugged into the Game and thus are running with it. Go against what naturally is, which is the Infinite, and this requires effort, and this effort requires energy, so units are manufactured to provide that energy, and that’s you and me the spirit and body form.


When you get closer to the truth it is simplistic in nature, and that truth is we are Love/Consciousness – this all that is, where there is nothing else but this presence born within the fields of Infinite Love.

Now to the flip side – this hell that the illusion became – and the simplistic truth is energy is needed to keep us detached from the Infinite, so worlds were created as harvesting farms to produce energy, and this energy had to be the opposite to Love, as Beasts did not want to be a part of this Infinite Love, and as said, that is when you and me the unit were manufactured and settled on one of these many harvesting farms/worlds.


That is the simplistic and truthful meaning of Life, which is ridiculously absurd, because surely there is more to Life than eating? How about just being what you are? But we are what we are – we are a unit to release energy to keep those who have embraced the Reptilian frequency of the illusion alive. You and I are living as we should – as we were manufactured to be.

For the last about thirty years of my life, the worst day of the week for me is Fridays, because now the brute that I call the Human savage can feed his/her distorted state with loud music. The chaos within needs to experience dysfunctional chaos without, where culture and consideration for others does not exist in these broken societies where we the unit embrace our existence where our pleasures are met and fed.

A part of me dies when I hear the loud music of the seen Beasts, and that part of me that dies is my energy of angst that is released from being in a place where I don’t belong. I am not a Beast; I am a considerate, good unit, where I choose to be better than what I am.


So this message is to the real you and me, which is our Consciousness: Shine. Allow the Beauty that you are to be reflected in everything that we the unit see and do. Show us the unit which is the spirit and body form what we are. Show us what is real. Climb off the rollercoaster of the Game and be what you are in the presence of where you belong. Be the Love that we all are. There is nothing else.

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Define insanity.


Where the illusion was, it would be difficult to define insanity, as this mode of survival was all we were given on the harvesting farms into which we were plugged into. If you only know one way it is difficult to differentiate from what should and should not be. All we can do is our best, and for many out there the cards were stacked against them, where the house always wins and they the unit becomes distorted, twisted, collateral damage. So it has never been for me or you to judge others, where they are lost unto themselves and do not know up from down. What a pity that what became raw, callous monsters touched the lives of the innocent, where innocence was lost and we fell further from Home.


One of the reasons in writing this journal was to give us an alternative from what we have always known. Now there is a Route A, compared to what there has always been, which was only a Route B. Now we have a choice, where with a ball in each hand we may decide which game we wish to play in. The one is a natural, fun game, where there are only winners, because this game is all there is. The other game requires effort, but you can take the short-cut in this game and become deceitful, where you prey on the innocence of the other participants. You get the upper hand over them, meaning you win and they don’t. This game is not fair, and this game is deprived of perspective, where those in deceit can’t see the big picture, where they are the ultimate losers because they are playing a game where nobody wins. Before you have even begun in this game you have lost, the reason being you are not on Home soil, in other words you are in a place where you don’t belong, and in order to survive in this place you need energy that is the complete opposite to the natural flow of Love, and what this energy is built upon is lies and deceit and sorrow and heartache. That doesn’t sound like a very nice game to play in, does it?


And this is where we can define insanity, as now we can compare it to sanity – which has never been a part of our existence as all we have known is our place, which is survive and release energy to make sure the harvesting farm you are plugged into is fruitful to the Beasts that like surviving at the expense of others.

Insanity is knowing where you should be, where you will be happy, but rather you choose to live at a fraction of your full potential, and this fraction requires the destruction of others in order to survive. So I am weak, and I can go to where I naturally belong, but I choose to stay where I know I will be ultimately destroyed, because to survive means to destroy others to take from them – primarily their energy – so I know that in destroying others I am also destroying myself.


And it is here that we have to understand the mentality of the Beast.

I know people who have small-holdings that keep some livestock. Louis told me he is going to slaughter twelve sheep next week, so others can eat and he can make money.

And that is the way the cookie crumbles, where how do you change when this is all you know? Let’s be fair and realistic.


Last night as I closed my eyes to sleep I saw the activity around me through my Third Eye. What came into focus were two men. I was insignificant to them as they focused on their task at hand, where they saw me as an object rather than a being, thus not acknowledging me for what I am.

Then the one man tilted a large bowl next to me. From this bowl fell what looked like a praying mantis, which was about half a meter high and was well rounded, as in filled up. Next to this entity walked a smaller Beast – the side-kick to the larger one. These Beasts walked towards me as I lay in bed for the purpose they were bred for, which was to destroy.


So ask yourself, why would you want to destroy another that does no harm to you, and if anything, is there to help you find your way back Home? The answer is Steven is upsetting the apple-cart, where Beasts want to do what they have always done, which is destroy. Now that is insanity. Surely if you are shown a better alternative to what you have always known you would change? That is my naivety talking, because so many are in an uncomfortable rut they are comfortable with, where I don’t want to change, because as shit as Life is, it is okay. That others have to suffer at their expense for me is just one of those things – the way the cookie crumbles.


That is madness. That is insanity, where others suffer at your hand, and ultimately so will you suffer, and that is okay.


February next year will be writing this journal on a full-time basis for ten years. The bit of money I have earned here and there from seeing people or animals has filled my car with petrol to drive the kids around. That is all I could afford to pay for, and that was okay by me, because I knew money was not the way out of our dilemma of always being touched by the cruelty of Life. My job was in the unseen, but I lived in the seen, and besides, the Beasts I met in the unseen focused on destroying me rather than paying me and thanking me for finding an alternative to all they knew.

Ask me what has this journal done for Steven; how has it made me a happier person? The answer is it hasn’t. A few nights back I saw this spirit of a man come and sit on the side of the bed as I lay there sleeping. I could not define details of how he looked – he was just a well-set, stocky man. He bent over and put his head into the space of Gypsy as she slept against me. Then he done the same to me, where he put his head against mine. In this way he talked in telepathy. He told me I have helped many out there – meaning in the spirit/unseen realms, and then he left.


And that is why I wrote – not just for me, but all within the unseen of the illusion. In the seen realm this journal will never be published because that has never been my target audience. And yet here we are in the seen, where like those in the unseen, we also need help. Temporary help may come with what we would call a pay-day, but we need more than that to climb back on the rails and go to where we belong. I apologize if I sound weak when I say we need Divine intervention. I know I am Consciousness. I am not stupid; I know what I am. What I also know is I have been lost for a long time, and a helping hand to pick me up from my floored status would be appreciated. So many Beasts and fools within the illusion are quite happy to go down with the ship. I won’t, because I know what I am and where I belong. I belong around the presence of joy and happiness, as do we all, but so many are happy with second best where they have always faltered on their way to falling down, where they will stay down in this place called The Nothingness of the Forgotten, where we forget what we are – this Consciousness within. To these, they chose to forget, where they chose failure rather than a natural joy.


I choose to remember, but I am realistic. Everything I will do to help myself, but I know this is not enough. I need a push from behind to get the momentum going so that the ball may begin to roll. And it is here that I ask those who I have helped to help us. The Wisdom Goddess Sophia is one of many Creators within the Infinite. When she shines and touches from her natural state you that is Consciousness will feel it, so everything I wrote was for her and Semiramis and a few others so that they may remember what happened to them that they became imprisoned in a dense frequency where Beasts made sure they stay down. When you understand you know, and when you know you rise up to where you belong because this is who and what you are.

Maybe I am just being impatient, which has always been my problem, because I want things to be done yesterday already.


I ask for Divine intervention from those that now know and can thus be. I am realistic, where I feel Consciousness needs to be jump-started, and what that means, is it needs a push off the Mountains into the great divide that is the Infinite. Rather than give us a push, the Divine extends a hand to pick us up, because as much as we know, we that is Consciousness is still floored. Once up, we will walk, but we need a helping hand to stand up.

May this helping hand touch us now, because there really is no other route but forwards to where we belong. I am not a lesser person or spirit by asking others for help, because as much as I have helped the unseen – as have so many out there – they can now help us, because we need it.  

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There is an evil out there that one cannot comprehend. In our naivety, as well as sheer stupidity, we give this evil our sympathy card. “Shame, poor souls, let’s always give them the benefit of the doubt, as they have had it rough, and besides, we all make mistakes and are not perfect.”


As far as Life goes, I have had a shit one. What I have I am eternally thankful for, where I count my blessings for all the things we so readily take for granted that is around us, but this does not make me shy away from the fact that when I look back on my Life, it has been a lonely, shit one. Does that give me the right to be cruel to others; does this poor little Steven have the right to throw a tantrum at all and  sundry? “What about me! I have had it rough, so fuck you!”

That is scum talking; a wasted space who has no place amongst the innocent. And of course there are the others, who have everything, and now tip over the edge to see what joy there is in the dark and sinister. Daddy gives me everything I want, but boy, he can’t give me this thrill of dwelling amongst these creatures.


There is an evil out there that one cannot comprehend, and it had a one hundred percent control over us. The only thing that stopped it from sinking its fangs deep within us was the equilibrium of the dysfunctional illusion that had to be always met. We had to always believe there was Good, and this Good, although never present in the greater majority of our species, this Good was there for me, and sooner or later it will show itself.

There was never no Good because Consciousness – this literal God-force within – was lost unto itself. But the perception of Good – of something bigger than us – had to be on the playing field, otherwise despair would have sunk in and we would have stopped living. Sure, the filth that lives for the excesses of Life, where you make a fool of yourself 24/7, they would have had to be kicked out of the venue as they enjoyed this place so much where anything goes, but the evil that is and was had to hold back for their survival and not go on a destructive spree. This happened in outbursts, through orgies and sacrifices, where now the Reptilian frequency engulfed them and became one with them, and this was them and their eternal bliss. What a pity it could never be fully met, where there is a constant high within them. This luxury was for lucky few, namely the Serpents, where they eat not so much for hunger and sustenance, but more for the high of destroying and engulfing the innocent – all that was Good in the illusion, that now, thanks to their selfish and evil nature, was no more.


There always had to be Order out of Chaos, where you keep the masses believing what they want to believe, or rather, what they have to believe, and what this is, is “Life is shit, but it’s okay.” Yes, it is shit, and that is not okay.


Always, I had to understand this awful place to make sense of it, but there are some things I refuse to understand, where I see it, and then abruptly walk away, doing my best to never see it again, and what that is, is evil. When I walk away, I walk with the innocent so that they may never be touched by this presence that has no justifiable reason to be what it is. All you done was make a decision, and that decision was to be cruel. It was not what Life done to you; it was you choosing to destroy, and you made peace with who you are and what you have become.

From these you walk away, because to them there is nothing to say. They are what they are out of choice, and wish for nothing but to be what they are.


The disaster with the Parasitic frequency of Deception was that this worm frequency wanted, so because it wanted, it took. The want needed energy, and the taking gave it energy – I real Pac-man gobbling up the dots on the arcade game.

Energy had to be given off to feed the illusion and keep it alive, so we had to believe where we are is real, and this release of fear and emotions drove the Game. But sometimes our energy had to be suppressed, where it was “down boy, and stay down.” So what the architects of the illusion done was create a weapon that kept the renegades and mavericks down, or basically anyone that embraced the Joys of Life and made it their own, because behind this thin veil of the illusion lies the Infinite. This can be tapped into, where we soon become filled with a Joy that elevates us above the mundane of what is not real.

This weapon they paralleled to the Parasite – this ultimate, natural frequency within the illusion that has no conscience – it merely is what it is, and in terms of taking energy, nothing rivals it. The architects and cosmic geneticists developed a short, thick, white worm whose sole function was to sap the energy of the spirit and Consciousness, because remember, Consciousness believed that it too was part of the illusion, and in doing so, sacrificed its real status for an illusionary one. Consciousness was deceived, as well as lost and naïve enough to believe that what it saw in front of it was real, where the ultimate dumbing down of Consciousness was where it plugged itself into the simulation, where it became the machine. Some might call this God, but all it was, was Consciousness doing its best to allow those in the illusion to live through Life-lessons so that they may evolve, and when that day arrived, the job of Consciousness would be over.


What was real that was you and me, was deceived to become a frequency to fit into the Game to make wrongs right. Now you that is Consciousness became a speck of Light, which was a holographic smaller version of the bigger us, which was Consciousness the machine – this god that is everywhere and knows the all. That god was a God, where what was real became an illusion, just like the rest of the illusion. Now evil had sway over the machine through its deceit, where now evil became god.

And that is how it turned out where Goodness became no more, and evil became supreme. Our Goodness was only our belief – our hope. It was a reality that did not exist within the illusion because we had no power. The Power of Love that is Consciousness died when Consciousness shifted from what it was to a frequency state, and in that moment, Goodness became nothing but a pipe-dream for all of us. Now we were alone, and this aloneness I have felt ever since – this state of being in a place where you don’t belong, and why we don’t belong here is because we are alone. We are naturally Goodness; we are naturally Love, but we that is Consciousness were made to focus on the Game and not our lost state. “Keep them busy; keep them distracted from the real issue at hand, which is Consciousness not being in its real state.”


We asked for a helping hand; we asked for Divine intervention, and we got it. Consciousness sees itself for what it is, and knows that this is just a frequency, so it returns to what it always has been and was forever more.


Last night as I slept all I saw was this hand above me. It kept on dropping these short, thick, white worms into my face. They cut into me like a hot coal being dropped through paper.

How could this evil have such sway over Consciousness? The answer is by Consciousness being deceived to become one of them, which was an illusion – a frequency that made up this Game that we believed to be real.

How clever they were, and how cruel were these evil beings.


Be once again what you are – your real state – and then walk away from these most cruel beings.

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