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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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A clever boss makes you feel you are the boss, where you are in control and there is not another above you. It won’t go down well with most of us knowing we are kept on a leash by one who is our master – a cruel master who uses to abuse.

Have always said the Devil has no friends – all that is there is an indifference. There is no like or dislike, because these states create a bond with another, but in the case of the boss; The Big Kahuna, the only bond is with the energy it receives from us to stay alive.


I always thought Queen Semiramis with her insane, twisted, cruel Love was the queen bee, but this has never been the case. Maybe it was the parasitic frequency of Deception; this worm that took as this is all it new, but this entity focused on that what was at hand to take, and thus never stood back to be in a position to manipulate the big picture. There was also the clan of Serpents who attacked and imprisoned the Christ Consciousness, and these female Serpents were a force unto their own. They understood the strength of working as one, and this unity made them unstoppable.


But beyond all of these was the boss, and its strength was to make others believe they are in charge and in control, all the while knowing that it is head and shoulders beyond all – there is no competition; there is no rivalry; there is no second in command; there is only this boss who is; an ultimate weapon that never needs to be fired as its presence alone is enough to calm the waters, where deep down, everyone knows their place and who the boss is.

When you look at the ocean, you do not ask what makes the tides, as the tides are one with the ocean, and so too is it with the boss and the illusion, where they are one and the same. The boss is there, just as the sun will rise tomorrow, the boss will always be there, where one could say the boss is the illusion.


In the beginning on the journal mention was made of the Demiurge; this boss, but soon the focus shifted to tracing the steps back to what happened at the very beginning that the Beautiful illusionary Garden of Semiramis turned to a living Hell. So it is only fitting now to go back to the boss to understand what this entity is. To truly understand the illusion, one has to understand who manipulated and fucked us up. How is it possible that one can rule over all, and yet at the same time be detached and indifferent to all? What do they have that their might is all encapsulating, where truly, they are what we would call a God, where this evil entity is everywhere and yet cannot be seen or felt, where we are at its mercy and yet do not even know of its existence.


Well let’s find out.

Go into the stillness of the silence, and from there into the space of the Demiurge, and what you will find is one who is ego-less. There is no “I;” no “Me.” What there is, is one who knows itself. It knows of Consciousness that it is – it knows that this is the all, and thus there can never be an I or a Me. If we say “know thyself,” the Demiurge knows itself, and thus does not have to present itself to all because it is the all. What your Consciousness and mine are striving to, where we are what we are, where we know what we are, the Consciousness of the Demiurge is already there. So truly, this force; this Demiurge is a God, and know that this is the truth. It knows itself, and it is itself, and hence it is everywhere and everything. It is a being of Love, of the Infinite, and there is no words to describe this what is.


From this foundation; from this what it and all naturally is, it allowed Deceit to pass through it, where this Deceit touched it and made itself known. (This Deceit was the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, where we want and take, and this is all we want to know.) The Demiurge always knew what it was – that it is Consciousness – and thus never allowed this Deceit to take it over. First and foremost it was Love, and this Love was tinged by the Deceit that passed through it. Of course this altered the Demiurges Consciousness within the illusion, and this created the crack – the flaw in the perfect crystal that was this God/Demiurge Consciousness.

Now everything became off-centre – literally. What was, was no more, as the mirror had been broken as Consciousness was no longer what it was, yet it knew – it did not forget – what it was. At that moment a Darkness befell all, where what was, will never be the same again.


What this change touched was our good hearts, where we became what we are, as how can we be anything else but what we now are. In a nutshell, we lost our empathy – our connection with all. Our heart energy field, which is an expression of the Infinite; the action that defines the Infinite, this Glow became no more. (Semiramis tried to restore this heart field within us the spirit, never knowing it was already tainted by the indifference of the Demiurge.)

This is what happened to Consciousness within the illusion, where we looked to the one who remembered what it was but chose to be separate from us. Now when we prayed; when we looked for help from something bigger than us, there was nobody there. Nobody answered our call, we were alone and we knew it, but always we never stopped calling, and this carries on to this day.


Why did this fucker do that? Why know you are Love, and then cut yourself off from those that need your Love, where you become indifferent to their calls for help, and when they meet their fate, you are indifferent to the cruelty that was bestowed upon them?

To understand the illusion, one has to understand the Demiurge, because this force is the illusion.


So what are you, you heartless Beast that has the might and understanding of a God of Love. If you have no ego, what drove you to become indifferent to the suffering of those that are you? You did not do it for power or glory, so then why?


To know suffering, is to know Life. To know yourself, know what you are not. To truly live, one has to die, only to be reborn from what is and what always has been. Your suffering is my suffering, but know there is no suffering, as there is only me – this Consciousness.

Why do you suffer you may ask, because from the fires and pressures of Life diamonds are born, where from destruction comes purity. You do not know me, but I know you, and I do what I do to Create.


Put simply, the Demiurge wanted to be a God, not understanding that in the fields of Infinite Love there is no hierarchy; there is no me or you; there is only a we which is eternal has been and will forever be.

To truly rule over a flawed empire, one has to be indifferent, where one cannot be touched by what is. This is the One True God that will be found in religions, and they are all correct, it just depends on which side of the fence you are sitting. The Satanists and the demons see the suffering around this God, from whom comes Destruction, and the Believers see the Good that is in this God. Both are the same, meaning both parties are correct in what they see. Thus there is always hope, as there always has been a God of Love, just as there always be suffering as this God of Love is flawed by a lack of compassion and empathy.


It is not for me or you to judge this God; this Demiurge. But what we can do is know it, see it, understand it, and from there move past its Game of wanting to be the One Everlasting All That Is.

I like you my friend, but I don’t like being alone in a place where I don’t belong, and I don’t like seeing the suffering of the innocent, which includes me. What you have done, or what I have allowed you to do, is touch my Consciousness with your flawed Consciousness, where all I know is you. Now I know there is something beyond you, and this something is the real me – Consciousness that is not flawed. There is no God from where I come, and to this place I return now, where I am One with the all. You and your presence no longer touches me and all within the illusion. From this blank slate we may all now choose: Be alone and endure suffering and heartache, or be One with the Infinite that we all are.


Now we choose: Stay where we are, or we walk Home where we are what we are, devoid of any flaws.


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The pain and swelling in my left Achilles tendon was a representation of the flaw in the System. We were walking, but not on hallowed ground.

This morning in the silence felt this hole at the top of my head close, and then this movement was felt passing from there down to the left hamstring muscle and then intertwining with the left Achilles tendon and foot.

Did the hole at the top of our head in our psyche open us up to insanity, where here, in this dense realm, anything goes, so take your pick and enjoy.


You can bet your bottom dollar the pain and swelling in left Achilles tendon will not be there by this afternoon, as now Consciousness within us is connected to Consciousness of the Infinite rather than the Consciousness of the Demiurge.

So what happens from here? My goodness, it is reassuring to know we are no longer connected to indifference and a flaw, as that was unnatural. What is natural; what we have yet to come to experience, what this brings I cannot say. What I can say if all the bitter lifetimes were there to lead to this, they were uncalled for. Suffering did not make me a better person – it just fucked me up more. It would have been more fun walking with my own, knowing a God of Love that is devoid of a flaw is walking with us. There is no place for tears and heartache – that is the abnormal. Nothing good comes from misery.


Our only strength was perseverance, but this soon becomes a harsh climb up a mountain when you understand it is you just with you. Those in the spirit realm were more floored and limited than us, and I would say this was so because their proximity to the true demons was closer than ours, so no help was coming from the unseen to the seen. This meant us standing together as one, which we did, so that we got close enough to attack each other.

For me, it has been bloody tough, and I still had it easy. Nothing good has ever come out of this strange, unfamiliar place. We have never known true peace because we were all flawed. To what extent we embraced this flaw came to define our character, where “this is me – take it or leave it.” We are all of poor stock and standing, where no matter how hard we try, we just can’t get it right, but that is okay, because your best is good enough for me and everyone else. What bothered me was so many didn’t even try to rise above themselves, where they never for one moment considered there were others beside themselves. “Are you okay? I don’t have the capacity to help you, but I consider you and not just myself, where I want only the best for you as I do for myself.” We became brutes, and I stood first in line, but I never accepted this who I am, because I knew there was more to me than this fool who knew nothing and was nothing. The flaw of the Demiurge, where I Love you, but you will not know me, and you will walk through a Valley of Darkness all alone, that reasoning never sat well with me. I never wanted to be fucked up, as in confused and lost. All I ever wanted was to live life – to embrace the wonders all around me and make them my own. I wanted to live, to be, never knowing that where I was this would never happen, because what we all lacked was empathy. Empathy connects me to you, where now I am you. You become the tree or the wind, where you experience the all, and from this play, when you have played enough, you return to the silence/stillness of the Infinite.


I know now I am out of that place where we forgot our natural trait of kindness. What today and tomorrow brings I cannot say, but I know we no longer walk amongst the unnatural.



Sometime during the night my wife woke me up to say that I was snoring. Through my Third Eye saw the head of this female lying on the pillow next to me. She had luscious lips painted in lipstick, and inside her open mouth were two eyes staring at me in their fleshy orbital sockets.

All around me were the weird and the weird – Beasts of all shapes and sizes that knew only what they have always known, which is destruction and cruelty. They came to hear something else, which they have never heard before, namely what they are and have always known is abnormal. It is not normal to do what you want when you want because you can at the expense of others. This they never knew. What they also never knew – but couldn’t care less about – was that in destroying others, you do not uplift yourself, you destroy yourself as well. One moment you are there, and the next you are in The Nothingness of the Forgotten, where you forget yourself and are lost forever. Doesn’t sound so bad, but it is catastrophic. I have been to this place and seen those there – they wander; they float; they move, but they don’t know who they are. Consciousness is buried so deep within them that they become a life-less form that is still alive. You have no idea the state of these Forgotten.

So rock while the party pumps, but know when the party ends you end up in this place.


When I asked why Life is so cruel, my spirit and Consciousness walked through a door that one does not walk out of again, but this was okay for me, because we were all the living-dead – we just didn’t know it. Those precious moments with loved ones took all the misery away, and in that moment, we understood that Life is worthwhile living. What we never knew were those who knew of the Game and preyed upon us – both in the seen and unseen.

When I walked into that realm where those dwelled that had embraced the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, I saw and understood why Life was so cruel – it was because of these Beasts that embraced what Life is, which is a Life absent of a God of Love; a pure God that is flawless. And so too is it with me and you – we have never known Beings of Love from the Infinite.


My animals Love me. When they see me, they are happy to see me. When I am happy, they are happy. When I am sad, they give to me their energy to comfort me. This is the closest you will get to true Love within the illusion, because they have the capacity to care, and this never stops from their birth to their death. What do they have that we don’t? I would say their Consciousness is less dense than ours – they were not as dumbed down as us; they were kinder than us the brute.

You might say I am being hard on us the species within the illusion, but I disagree, and I say this because of two factors: The first being that our God is flawed and indifferent/cold/absent from our existence, so we have no one to learn from; and secondly, what emanates from the core of the illusion touches and defines us.

So often through tears and snot I have asked my wife why she is so cruel towards me. My eldest daughter I raised while my wife went to work to pay the bills and put food on the table, and I raised my girl through giving her of my time and what values were important to me. Always, I told her to have a good heart – to be a good person. Now, when I see the complete opposite to that, it throws you for a six, but I understand now what I see. I see what is normal within the illusion. I see Destruction, I see indifference, I see those who don’t care, I see what this place is. Sure, we can sit down and also see the good of this place, but ask yourself what is normal and what is abnormal here. Cruelty is normal. Kindness is moments when we remember what we are, only to fall back into what is, which is survival and looking after ourselves, where we allow ourselves now and then to be cruel. This I will never understand, where what joy is there in shaming others? I will not even try to answer that question, because now I have no interest to understand the abnormal, rather I look to be the norm.


We are cruel because all we have ever known is cruelty. We destroy, and witness destruction around us, because this is the way the illusion rotates – further and further from what naturally is, to our ultimate decimation. Wow, the thrill of shaming another, where you are better than them because you just destroyed them – this was what the Game was all about. Take away the paper wrapping and have a good hard look at the illusion, or better still, walk into the realm where Beasts dwell, where there are no pretenses, where they know this place, where there is no core Love, only a core of Hate and Cruelty. To see others suffer, and this suffering gives you joy, where they are suffering because of what you are doing to them – that is the norm within the core of the illusion; the machine of the illusion, and that attitude drives and touches all of us.


Over the last few days I would spontaneously burst out into tears because, for fucks sakes, this place is getting too much. To understand Life, you have to be brave and see what is there. Don’t fool yourself where you want to see what you would like to see – see what is there. See what is all around you, as I do. You don’t see because what is the use thereof if there is nothing we can do about it. My answer is that we are already dead; we were helpless slaves to the cruel that fed off of our energy, so what more do you have to lose by getting up and looking for an answer out of this mess? It would have been so much easier if we walked together, but we turned on others, and ultimately ourselves, where we were never true to the Godness that we are within.


So last night I spent the whole night telling these Beasts what is normal and abnormal. The Consciousness they saw within me is normal; kindness is normal. And please understand that to these Beasts they honestly did not know any better, and we understand this because in their existence there has never been a God of Love. How often before I go to sleep do I wish I will see Beings of Love, which is confirmation the Infinite has come forth from the illusion to touch us. This has never happened because the illusion is what it is, where cruelty is the norm. This is not being negative; I am being realistic because I see the seen and unseen for what they are.

Last night again and again the message was told to the entities around me: What you are and what you do is abnormal; Love is normal; Love is natural; the Infinite is natural; the illusion houses only destruction and cruelty, these overriding forces that squash the innocent are not meant to be. It is not normal to shame and destroy others. Over and over the message was repeated to those that honestly never knew any better; to these that tried to destroy and possess me when I entered the door into their realm, where what saved me was seeing them and feeling their blows and possessions, and eventually becoming immune to their poison. To these children of the illusion and the Demiurge I spoke, and not with indifference, but Love for them, because they were once me and you, and where they were is where we were headed, where you are a Beast, and from there you fall your final fall into the Forgotten.


This morning I thought if you were a betting person, you would have lost the bet, because my Achilles is still painful, but this is not so as it is getting better as I knew it would.

What we have never realized is that the illusion is but a fog, and when the fog lifts the Infinite is there for all to see and be – that is how close we have always been to Home. May we now we touched by this Home. The question is, do we have to go within and pick ourselves up, or will we be given a helping hand?



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What does freedom mean? Is it doing what you want when you want because you can? In this reality that certainly holds true, but with time every day will soon just be another day.

Freedom is being who you are and where you belong. Freedom is being amongst your own. Freedom is having nothing to worry about because Life is unfolding as it should.


Where is this freedom?

You are Consciousness, and the Infinite is everywhere and everything, so at all times you are Home and amongst your own. For now, the issue is a lack of communication. You have not been Home for a long time, so everything is unfamiliar, where you need to find your feet and remember this place you have forgotten. How you remember is by doing, and what doing is, is expressing yourself, where you touch this Home and it touches you back. Express your freedom, and the first thing you express is a peace within.


Always I talk to Consciousness and the spirit, but there comes a time when attention and consideration needs to be given to those in the trenches on the frontline. We in the dense physical reality have it tough, and this has left its mark on all, where so many of us are truly fucked up, as in lost, unpleasant, cruel and self-centered. We don’t know what it means to be happy, except maybe to eat and drink, where this necessity here is sometimes the only thing to look forward to. And if I say we are in the trenches, it is just that, where freedom of peace, contentment and abundance must surely be in the hands of the few, if any, because the weight of what Life does to those around you will floor anyone with an ounce of compassion.

So what happens to us – to those on the frontline who have had it bloody tough? Well, know yourself – know what you are. You sure as hell are not this piece of meat with its severe limitations. You are also not the spirit that jumps between dense and less dense frequencies. What you are, where you know yourself, is this Consciousness within, and I understand that all these words mean nothing unless you the spirit and body form are directly touched by this what you are. I did not write this journal to merely understand; I wrote it for freedom from cruelty and this strange place. How has this journal touched me? Well, to those that come to me for healing, it has touched them tremendously. To those in the spirit realm, especially those in the shadows of the Reptilian frequency, this journal has opened a new world of possibilities, where what they never knew they are in unfolding with each passing moment, where they become what they are, and for them this journal is the quintessel essence of freedom.


As for me, I got what I wanted, where I understand Cruelty, and for this I am thankful. In that sense, it is mission accomplished. Now I pack away this laptop and step into this reality that I refused to enter – where I refused to go one step further – until I understood why Life is so cruel.

What will change in my life when I step back into this reality to be a participant rather than an observer? All I can say is that I walk with a God of Love, where this God is within me and is connected to the Infinite that is everywhere and everything. That is the only surely – the only fact – that I can guarantee you with. What happens from here and tomorrow and the next day is your and my guess, but Consciousness knows and will deliver. Beyond this journal all I have ever wanted was to live – to embrace Life and make it my own. May that now happen. We have walked alone and it has been bloody tough, and I promise you we are tired of this. There needs to be driver to the wheel, and this is where Consciousness steps into the vehicle of us the spirit and body form. The more Consciousness knows itself and the Infinite, the more freedom it will express, and this freedom – this joy – will touch you and me.

When I see patients, always the focus is on the cause of their problem, as well as their primary problem, and when these two factors are met, they go back home to heal. This healing takes time, as in a few days, and from there they will be okay. And so too is it with us the spirit and body form. This journal has sorted Consciousness, where now it may heal, and from there it may be – as in touch – Home.


The only guarantee I can give you is that you are no longer alone. When this journal began, it began on a blank slate, where I knew that in order to understand something, everything I believed had to be thrown off the table, where this Steven gets out the way so something bigger than me can show me the way. So many opinions have gone into who wrote this journal, and my final guess is my Consciousness backed by the less dense Consciousness of the Animals and Nature. This idiot writing these words did not feature, except in bursts of bitterness and a whole lot of perseverance, where through it all, I just wanted to be me and embrace Life.

So now I step back into this reality to make my mark, to find my happiness, and live a Life well lived. This freedom has never been possible in all the worlds and lifetimes lived there because we have always been alone with our spikes of joy followed by the crash of the lows.


Am I afraid? You bet, because I don’t like this place, but it may just surprise me. There is much Beauty. All we have is the assurance we are not walking alone. You the spirit and body form be considerate to Consciousness, where you begin this relationship with a blank slate, because truly we the spirit and body form do not know of the Infinite, this new place we are walking into, so allow Consciousness to guide us and show us the way. Become reborn as a child, where you play and the simple things are all you need. Go back to playing and communicating and laughing, where what was is now a playground.


Let’s see what happens.  

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When one hears of an incident that touches you personally, and you don’t have all the facts, what comes to mind by reflex is always the worst case scenario, and then we tip the scales to the other side, where we hope above all hope that things will be okay.

Similarly, when something unexpected happens, and we don’t know what is going on, our spontaneous response is a negative one – we never meet the unknown with an uplifting response, and this, expecting the worst, is what I would call the threshold of our limitations here within the illusion.


I’ll give you an example. Went to bed last night with a fatigue that debilitated me, where I had to go and sleep. Somewhere during the night this sleep was disturbed by what sounded like a baby bird calling out for its missing mom. This call never stopped. My first reaction was the neighbour had built an aviary, and a young chick was calling out from fear of being alone. Now my mind began to race, where awful thoughts began to fester. Then through my Third Eye I saw that my spirit was amongst a Reptilian alien family. The young boy was walking around, and the mom raised her head from her lying position to see what was going on. What I was doing there I don’t know – I don’t know if I was feeding them my energy, or just passing through. What they looked like, the boy I can’t even begin to describe, but the mom had this long grey snout of a face.


That sound I heard that woke me up and kept me awake most of the night was frogs calling to each other. So what should have uplifted me, done the natural complete opposite here in the illusion, where my first reaction was one of uncertainty, then trepidation, then animosity, and from there an irritation leading to an anger.


Consciousness needs to understand that what we done through reflex, as in fight or flight, is the way of the uncertain Beast. This response no longer has a place in our existence, so it is wiped from our space and no longer returns, because now there is no ceiling of limitation around us.  


Go beyond what you have always known; go beyond Uncertainty. Expect joy, peace and upliftment. Just let go and be what you naturally are. Jump knowing that you will never fall. Rise above this Fear that is all we have ever known. Break down the walls that never existed. We forgot that we found ourselves in an illusion. Don’t analyze and overthink it – just let go and be.

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So let me tell you where my spirit went to last night as my body lay sleeping. It went to those where the party never dies – to the world of the flamboyant mega-rich. And let’s be honest, especially for one like me who appreciate the finer things in life, what they have is Wow. The technology and the craftsmanship of their possessions is impressive.

I imagine that where my spirit went was to a world a bit more technologically advanced than ours, yet the star of the show – the big-dick whose lifestyle I entered for a few hours – was associated with the top of the line commercial vehicle in our world. (Mercedes Benz) In our world you might imagine this man as an owner of a formula one team, with the motor vehicle company being their sponsor.


As we breathe air that is limitless and not thought of as it is there, so too is the mega-riches association with money. What they have cannot be fathomed by the rest of the world – a lifestyle out of a science fiction movie. And yet there they are, living it up.

From my side, my attitude is enjoy. If you got it, good for you. Have fun. Nothing wrong with having money. Jealousy has never been a part of my existence as I have always focused on the notion that something is wrong with me, and I needed to find out what it was and from there correct it. I was not living Life and I needed to find out why. So if you have a billion and have your own place in Fiji, I ask myself what is wrong with me that I cannot even afford a weekend away at an average place with my family? I don’t compare myself with others, but I know what will take the edge off of this existence, and that this cannot be attained says something about my spirit and Consciousness that is driving this body form. Wealth is being where you belong and having what makes you content. Anything else is extra that could be of good use to those that need a helping hand.


But getting back to the party group, what was obvious was the hierarchy of arse-kissers, where the one who throws the party everyone wants to be around, like little asteroids hovering around the mother planet. The question you have to ask, and where what I am writing is leading to, is to whom does the head-honcho rotate around? That answer was obvious in what my spirit witnessed last night.


If this world bores you because you have everything, and your feet are not on the ground where you are in touch with the reality that many suffer here, what you do is go beyond this world. This I have seen with the spirit of a well-known actor, where he travels to other worlds inflicting his cruelty there, as the sickness he inflicts upon others here he soon became bored with. (Eddie Murphy)

So the clan of party-goers my spirit found itself around last night would sneak off to their private lounge every now and then. They put a balloon of sorts in their mouth and swallowed it, and then gave a name of those they interfaced with – those above them whom they allowed to possess them so that they could be around these that are above them – these disgusting, vile, evil, demonic beings.


If you have a fixation with the size of your cock, or if you look in the mirror every few minutes to see if your breasts are still holding strong – if it is always about ME, and this ME has everything it needs and then some, then you are swimming in dangerous waters, because you will look and go to what is beyond our borders for a thrill, as our world now bores you, and what you will find is just a deeper level of sickness and evil.


Within you is a world of everything, where there is nothing but this world. Find this place, and be this place, and you are the all, which is as natural as breathing.

So if you have a billion spare, or if, like me, you have a few hundred from month to month, living off faith and charity, always look to what is real, and I promise, what you seek your Consciousness and spirit will find, as this is what they are – where this is real. From there, may they provide you the body form with wealth, and from there with the wisdom to make this illusion a better place for all.

In our world money is god, and this is why this place is so fucked up, because for money we sell our souls because the reality is without money we are out on the street where the elements and starvation will kill us. Not a nice way to go.


So let’s all do our part. Consciousness and our spirit brings forth our wealth, and we the body form follow their lead where we do our bit to uplift others that want to be uplifted. Rotate around Consciousness. That is real and limitless.

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Ask yourself what happened to the spirit and Consciousness when they found themselves faced with the reality that what is staring them in the face is raw cruelty?

We went a walkies – we went to find our happy place away from this mess, and some of us went to find an answer as to why Life is so cruel.

There is a parallel dimension to ours, and this was created by the architects of the illusion to limit sanity and suicide within the killing fields of our dense reality. Have knowingly been to this place twice, where I remember being there, and what is there is what is in your reality, except for a few minor differences, but what this parallel dimension is, is a place of no stress. Everything is what it is there, with no disharmony, but this is just a mirror of what should be; it is not real. When we have gotten our breather, we return to the place where our energy needs to be syphoned, but I feel a part of us has called this place home – this only place in the illusion where a sense of peace fills us.


A part of us the spirit and Consciousness has been wandering, particularly to this parallel dimension, and maybe other places, and this part of us needs to come back so that we may consolidate ourselves, where we are a whole and not a fragmented piece. With Consciousness leading the way, become the whole that you were. Hold onto your energy by becoming a complete spirit and Consciousness. Stand as one in yourself, and from there make your mark, with Consciousness being the pillar that you are.


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For some time now, when I close my eyes to sleep I no longer look what comes around me. They are always there – these strange beings that come and have a good laugh at Steven, this poor fool that doesn’t like this place and existence where he finds himself. In their lost, confused, insane state, I believe they come to gloat, because in what and where they are, they are still better off than me, because I am so unhappy and fearful.


Needed to paint the roof over the last few days. The one section is high up, so if I fall I am dead. So there I was, on hands and knees, painting the roof, being fearful of falling, all the while knowing I have to climb down the ladder later on, which made me even more fearful.

Yesterday the neighbour told my wife it’s his wife’s birthday, and they are having so people around in the evening. You could have told me I am being marched off to the gallows, where I dropped my head in shock and fear to the news.

I must be noise sensitive, because I cannot handle the free-for-all that goes on in this illusion that touches me. I need peace and quiet, just as I need to be around nature.


So last night decided to look for those that came around me. Before I went to bed watched a movie on the laptop with my headphones on, just in case there was noise from next door, where I would not hear it. (That is the paranoia coursing through my veins at this end stage of my existence.) Pushed myself to beyond tiredness watching the movie, and from there went to bed and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Decided to confront those in the unseen, to have a good one-on-one, to wipe away their smug mug, where they may understand they truly know nothing as they are nothing – cruelty might have a face, but it is truly a wasted space.


What I saw as I slept was a flow of purple energy – something that is bigger than you and me. This was the flow of Life, and what this flow involved, was you and me becoming better than what we are. That was our purpose, where we evolve to become less dense. This was their feeble theory to the reason for everything, but I could have told them a long time ago that this theory does not exist.


My Super-Hero as a kid was the Wise Old Man/Woman, because if you know, what more is there to do? What greater power is there in understanding yourself, your place in the universe, the meaning of Life, and how everything fits together. With this understanding there is no need to go and fight the bad guys and save the day, because you understand what is, and from there you let it be, never trying to change anything because you understand everything.

As with the other Super-Hero’s, the Wise Old Man/Woman does not exist. (Yet The Hulk does exist; have seen him in my sleep state.) I look at my parents, where the older they became the more confused they were, where my dad turned to a vessel of hatred, and my mom turned back to a baby where she lost her mind and others had to look after her.

The reality is so many lose their dignity as age creeps up on us, and there sure as hell is no evolving along this purple Wheel/flow of Life. We become worse, not better. We do our best to hold onto our comforts, and this we understand, because these comforts are important, and I suppose all we have.


Have always maintained there is nothing worse in Life than being in a place where you don’t belong. I am living that nightmare, in the seen and unseen, and as the truth reveals itself to me, that nightmare becomes more palpable with each passing day. This journal has not made me a more content person – it only brings forth the fear within through the reality of what is out there – these places where we don’t belong where we find ourselves.


So here is a question for you: If the Infinite is all that is real, and everything else is an illusion, then why are we not touched by the Beauty and Grace of what is? More than anything, I need to be Home, in the seen and unseen, as there I will find peace as there I belong. I don’t like this place where I don’t belong – the frills that are associated with it no longer draw me, because I know there is far more misery than joy here. I prefer a constant graph of Joy rather than an up and down spiked one.

Have seen through all the bullshit, and have touched those I heal with something bigger than us, so is it possible that I am so messed up I don’t know how to receive what naturally belongs to all of us? I don’t think so – am fearful, but am open to be what I am.


So you tell me – why do we not see beings from the Infinite? Why are we not surrounded and filled by the natural Love that we are? What are we missing? Where are the Wise ones when we need them? Have we the manufactured slaves been locked up and the key thrown away? That is why whatever is understood is passed on to those like Sophia and Semiramis, who when free, may be in a position to help us. I have no disillusion to the fragility of what I am, where I know I need help. So where is it – for you and me?


Will find the answer. This place is a friggin’ joke that is no longer funny.

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Something tells me there is something major we are missing. Everything has been occult/hidden in order to suppress and rule over. Secrets cannot be kept forever. In the land of the unseen there is no secrets, where if you look long enough you will find what you are looking for, and this is so because Consciousness awaken unto itself knows all. The trick is to know what you are looking for, so the question I ask, is what is being hidden from Steven that will bring happiness and joy to him and all that wish for happiness and peace?

Go into the stillness of the silence, and you feel the activity around Consciousness which makes itself felt within our throat area. What you feel is Consciousness being pulled away from us until it is no longer in our space, where it is in an orbit outside of our reality.

So ask yourself what the hell is going on here? How can Consciousness be separate from us if it is the strand around which all Life is created? Where it should be, where it has always been felt, is within my throat area, now it is felt on the outside right of my throat area. If it is not part of us, then what keeps us the spirit and body form ticking over? I feel the heart energy field come alive, and from there a thread going up to the throat area, and then this thread comes alive and expands at the throat. What I always believed to be Consciousness within the throat was a simulation – a mirror image of Consciousness that was kept apart from us, where it shone on the heart energy field to create a mirror image of what it was that formed within the throat area.

So Consciousness was kept out of our space, where the cosmic geneticists shone this jewel on the heart energy field within, and from there this image settled within the throat area where it should be within us. (Remember that what should be within our hearts was empathy, and this became no more when the Demiurge allowed its Consciousness to be touched by Deceit, so what Consciousness reflected upon at the heart field was actually a blank page, making the simulation Consciousness worthless.)

So what was there – what I have felt all along – was a simulation image rather than the real deal. Keep the Sun away from the manufactured forms so they may never rise above the System and the Game to merely be. The cosmic geneticists had to create a fool-proof method where the System runs by itself without ever being overridden by the ones it suppresses, and let’s give them their due – they were masters at deception. How cruel can you be – how heartless. What a lack of empathy these Beasts are – truly a reflection of the Demiurge.


On page 2000 of this journal let’s return the real Consciousness now to where it belongs within our spirit and body forms, and here I feel this Sun on the outer right side of our neck return to where it belongs within our orbit. So be it.


Nothing has ever changed in my existence. Others are healed that come to me, and this is because I care, because in my world their suffering was not allowed as it was unnatural. But what was natural in my world to help me? I would say it was me having a good hard look at me, because at some stage of my existence the Sun surely has to shine on me as well. We were manufactured so that this may never happen. Well, now the secret is out. Those cosmic geneticists can go and fuck themselves. And if there are more secrets hidden, I will find them, because I am tired of being me – this slave that is a fish out of water in this strange, unfamiliar place.

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When I scrolled down from page one to the journals end so that I may resume writing, the pages momentarily stopped on what is inserted below, which was written in the journal five years and two months ago to the day. I will now write what I feel needs to be said, and then you can read what was written all those years ago. I don’t know if it was the truth, but somewhere in that text something is relevant to now. What I wrote will remain unaltered, so you can sieve through it and decide what is applicable to us now.


What I wanted to say, before finding the text below, is the illusion was transformed through the ways of the Demiurge. When you know how a problem manifested, you can undo the steps that created the problem, so that the problem is no more, and this we will do now, where we take away the Deceit frequency from the space of the Demiurge. Now there is no longer a God of indifference and Destruction. Now there is only a God of Love that touches all. The Deceit that was there is returned with Love to Love to the Infinite where it becomes null and void, as disharmony has no place in the space of what naturally is, which is harmony.

So be it.



{We go to our local library on a regular basis to get books for our children to read. On our visit there last week, I was drawn to the book The Rainbow Bear by Michael Morpurgo. The story can be briefly summarised as follows:

There was a polar bear that was king of its wild, white wilderness. One day he saw a rainbow, and he wanted more than anything to catch the rainbow and make it his own. The rainbow shone on him, and he wished that he could stay a rainbow bear. People came with a ship and caught the rainbow bear and put him in a cage/zoo in their city.

Then a boy came to the rainbow bear and felt compassion for him. Another rainbow appeared and shone on the both of them, and the boy wished that the rainbow bear could once again become white and return to his home.

The bear then woke up, and was once again in his wilderness – wild and free.


The god of Wrath showed me how the Golden Glow of Deception shone on us the Fallen spirit. Our spirit saw this beautiful awakening of a Golden Glow from the skies, and we became mesmerised and consumed by this Glow. This Glow was the frequency of Free Will. It was something anew; something spectacular, as we had never experienced such a phenomenon. But alas, as a moth is drawn to a light, only to be scorched by this thing of beauty, so too were we drawn to the ways of pure, undiluted Evil. This thing of beauty drew us away from our natural path to Home only to become our prison.


As has been said in the journal, before I entered this Earth realm, my soul was commissioned by a man in the soul realm to find someone that this man loved. The loved one of this man was missing, and he approached me to find his loved one.

It is now that I understand that this mans loved one was not so much a soul or person, but rather it was a state of being that he missed. There was something amiss in the soul world; there was something “out of place; something that did not gel.” What this man felt, but could not place, was the sinister hand of Evil.

The frequency that shows itself in the form of a polar bear is a state of Stability. This Stability never allows the scales to swing between Good and Bad; there is just a state of Unity, where everything is as it should.

I remember writing of a Second Fall that we endured, and it was during this second Fall from the fields of the Infinite that we lost our compassion; our energy within our heart space. So often in the journal do we speak of the heart energy field as the key to returning Home, but what we never knew was that our second Fall closed off this link to Home. We Fell to a state that was even unknown to Semiramis and Nimrod – we became beasts that destroyed all, and I would say that it was us; the Fallen souls, that plunged the Frequency of Free Will into self-destruct mode. We fed the Beast too much energy, setting it on a course of annihilation. What Semiramis wanted was her own world with her own children, much the same as Sophia had. That her world would be an illusion was irrelevant to her; she just wanted to play and have loved ones to oversee. This division/separation from the natural state of Love was harmless – there was no element of jealousy, fear or hate. Our second Fall, where we lost the Stability of a “good heart,” plunged the world of Semiramis into a cataclysmic shift that would become known as Hell. The experiment of Semiramis went horribly wrong, and as we lost our conscience, so too did she. The being of Love that wanted to play in her own world became consumed by the wrong of her children – in no time Semiramis became the monster that she is today.


The answer to this monumental disaster that began before the beginning of time lies within the frequency of the polar bear; the state of Stability. What this state does is that it restores the compassion within our heart energy field; we develop a conscience where we may know what is Harmonious, not just for ourselves, but for everybody. Yes, we Fell, where we chose to go against the natural flow of what is, but we never intended to go ballistic and wild. We wanted to experience something different; there was nothing wrong with this. It’s like you working for a company, and you are happy working there, and then someone else approaches you to go and work for them. There is nothing wrong with a variety; there is nothing wrong with trying something different – the disaster came when we lost our conscience; the power within our heart energy field, thanks to our accidental second Fall.

When the strand of Inherent Goodness was cloned and placed within our souls heart energy field, that was when the frequency of the polar bear was awakened – when we once again knew of the state of Stability. From here, we can choose whether we want to return Home or carry on playing in the illusion. Without this state of Stability we never had a snowballs chance in Hell of returning Home; we were lost with no compass; no heart energy field to guide us back Home.

In a flashing moment last night in my sleep state I was the frequency of the polar bear; this state that was in all of us. We followed only one path when we saw the Golden Glow of Semiramis, but to be fair to Semiramis, she was not initially Evil. She showed us an alternative to what we had, and had we not lost our Stability within our heart energy field thanks to our second Fall, I am sure that this world of hers would not be a bad place to be in.


Through that long-winded speech, what I am trying to say is that my job is done – I have found what I was asked to find; the state of Stability has returned. The difference now is that there is Good and Evil; there is Home and this world of illusion – there is no longer just Evil.

What I write here at the very end of the journal I place towards its beginning, so that you may know of the transformation within your soul. From here, the choice is yours to play in this illusion or return Home. Either way, have fun and be happy. 10:44 on 22/10/18}


Talk about perseverance. If only I knew what was still coming my way – in the seen and unseen.

In five years’ time will I still be writing this journal? I don’t think so. I know my limit, and I know I have reached it now. That God of Indifference is no more – that heartless, flawed Beast. Now we give Love its turn to shine. We return to Stability, of what is.


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Woke up this morning and had nothing to write in journal. Said to myself today is a good day to kick-start my life to where I move to where i belong and start being. So I sat in the stillness for a few seconds to jump-start me.

Went to my car with my eldest daughter to take her to school, and the car would not start. The battery was fine, as the lights came on in the car, but the motor was completely dead. I look after my car because it has to look after me, so what was going on here?

No doubt there was foul play here from the unseen, because when i went into the energy/frequency field of my car it was lifeless.


Scrolled down to begin writing in the journal and my eye caught what i wrote about the cat called Mr. Stone.

What is going on here, is pieces of the puzzle are being passed on as needed. This journal has no beginning, follow-through, and then end - what it is, is pieces of the puzzle that are scattered everywhere. Now the pieces are being passed to us as needed. May the piece passed on below be enough to start my car, otherwise am fucked.






{Today is the 1st March 2019. Last night my soul was overpowered by what must have been at least ten statue men. They walked upright in a systematic robot fashion. They were white men, with heads that were a mix between cavemen and a horse. They overpowered me, and then took of my energy and gave it to their boss/ruler. He looked like a fat Gollum from The Lord of the Rings movie. He was a cruel bastard, who sarcastically closed his eyes and dropped his head to feign being dead, and then opened his eyes to show that now he is alive, and then proceeded to eat of my energy.


My heart sank after this encounter, as after everything that has been said and done in this journal has not helped keep these beasts at bay. And this morning, just before I awoke, I saw another glimpse of my parallel word. A pair of birds that look like partridges have entered the garden of Steven, and they too were seen in his parallel world, but in his parallel world there are baby ducks that accompany these birds.

Yesterday I was asked to help with this cat that was bothering the neighbors – there was something off with this cat, and when I assessed it I found nothing out the ordinary. The bottom line was that I could not help these people with their cat.

This morning after waking up, I understood the big picture, and below is the letter of response to the people:



There have been animals that I have been asked to help in the past where I have failed them dismally. As hard as I tried, I could not assist them, and what I soon learnt was to take a step back and look at the big picture. The reality was that these animals came into my life; they crossed my path, to help me. Such is the case of Mr. Stone. My first reaction when I saw his photo was that something is not nice about this cat. I am ashamed for this, as now I understand that the only unpleasant one is Steven. I saw Mr. Stone from the eyes of a Human, and let’s face it, there isn’t much good in our species. What I saw in Mr. Stone I could not understand, so I went on the back foot and was wary of him, which bordered on dislike. This was my first unethical, unprofessional reaction to him – a typical Human reaction with all that we don’t understand.

What Mr. Stone is, is a being that is way above all of us. I had my Third Eye opened five years ago, which allowed me to see the cruel beasts that rule us from the shadows. We are all in Hell, and as we are in a state that goes against the natural flow of Love, we all need energy/food to survive. So too do these beasts that rule us from the shadows. They live off of our energy, and the crueler the beast within or without us, the more energy it needs, so the meaner we become. Our nastiness comes from these beasts that rule us, as I feel that we are all inherently good, but are overpowered by beings that we cannot see or hear. I see these beasts every night, and I explain in my book how they take of our energy. I have tried everything to get them out of our space, as the more energy we hold onto, the more we can rise above this frequency cesspit in which we find ourselves, where there is so much cruelty and heartache. If we can just get these beasts that rule us from the shadows out of our space, then we can start living as we should. We are all meant to be happy; life is not meant to be a struggle, as this is not our natural state.

I don’t know what I can or can’t tell you, as some people are very sensitive to anything that falls out of their parameter of thinking, but I hope you know that what I say comes from a good heart. I speak on behalf of Mr. Stone, as he was my client. I speak so that we, myself included, may understand this soul that knows more than what I will ever know. When Mr. Stone took of your energy, he was neutralizing the frustration/disharmony within you. There is Disharmony in all of us, and this is something that I have been living and breathing over the last five years – to get rid of this Disharmony, so that these beasts may no longer rule over us, so that we may once again be within the fields of Love – our natural state. Mr. Stone knows how to neutralize these beasts/Disharmony within us, but because we did not understand him, we ridiculed him and saw him as a bad/nasty cat. I am ashamed for my pathetic first response to him – it merely shows me how much I have to learn.

Everyone you asked for assistance regarding Mr. Stone were correct. He is a higher being; you have met him in the past, as he has always been there to help you. The bugger up is that do we ever listen when help stares us in the face? We all need help, because Life is bloody tough, so I am thankful to Angels like Mr. Stone for coming to assist us. He has a frequency that draws the power out of these beasts and makes them null and void over our existence. It is ours to take if we want it, which I most certainly will do now. I have seen what nobody else has seen, and I have been to other worlds to find a way out of this cesspit in which we find ourselves, hoping that I will get answers to be free from this Hell. Nothing has helped; I have yet to find an answer after dedicating the last five years of my life to this quest.

The answer/frequency came through a cat called Mr. Stone, and I am most thankful for this. Allow him to help you as he wants to, and make sure that he is happy. Like all of us, he wants his peace within this crazy world. Please find him a home where he belongs.

Regards, Steven

Taking of a frequency can best be explained in another e-mail that I wrote to a person yesterday:


Technology is taking us over, where everything happens at superfast speed. Us humans are being left behind as robots start doing what we always done, even complex surgery.

The stress factor amongst us humans to keep up with our world is causing a breakdown of our society, especially as we feel that we are no longer contributors to the way of life. Whatever we done in the past is pretty much useless, as the digital world takes us over.

So to adapt and be one step ahead of technology, one has to understand our reality. Everything is frequencies/energy. When the radio station projects the frequency of a song to your radio, the frequency has the potential to make you happy or sad, in other words, it has a direct influence on your existence.

When i am in the presence of the animal patient, i project the frequency onto them that no Disharmony is allowed on their form, and this frequency is what heals. (I need at a later stage to expand on what is meant by Disharmony.)

How i teach others is by giving them the frequency i project onto the animals. Its that easy. Thats the medicine of the future my friend. Thats what healed your dog.

All the best, Steven

If there is any sanity left in this insane world, then take of this frequency that is offered by Mr. Stone that eradicates these beasts from our existence. Take of it now so that we may no longer be suppressed by cruel beasts.}


{It’s just after one thirty in the morning on the 4th March 2019.

It took some time to understand what the frequency of Mr. Stone does. The numbers 666 are related to the Satanists, and according to Pierre Sabak, the numbers represent the “architectural framework” of Hell. We, the lost souls, are intertwined within the frequency of Hell; this network of a false reality permeates the body form, the soul and the spirit. As long as this structure remains intact, we are going nowhere – in other words, we are staying put in Hell. What this means is that as long as we are inter-connected to this false reality, we are linked to the players in Hell – the seen and the unseen. There is no ways that we are going anywhere as long as this 666 frequency courses through us. (Once again, I remember writing years ago that this 666 frequency was the frequency of our natural home state, but it was inverted to be Disharmonious.)


In the interim between what was said regarding the frequency of Mr. Stone and now, entities have still entered my space to play with me. Many “blind dates;” where couples unexpectantly meet for the first time, are arranged from those in the shadows. These dates turn out to be matches made in Hell, and they are just that – so that maximum heartache can be inflicted upon the couple and those in their wake. Affairs and chance encounters don’t just happen you fools – we are puppets played on a string.

These beings have entered my forms as I have not understood the frequency that Mr. Stone has to offer. What his frequency does is that it dismantles the architectural framework of Hell; the inverted 666 frequency, so that we may be free of this frequency, and in doing so, may be free from those that control us from the shadows. Remember that all in Hell are in a prison; a dense vibrational frequency, and the difference between Steven and these Beasts, is that Steven wants to be free of this Hell and its cruel players, unlike many who regard it as home.

Understand what the frequency of Mr. Stone does: It detaches the body, soul and spirit from the frequency of Hell so that we may be free from this System, and as we are no longer attached to the Game in which we are played, the power of the entities that control and play with us becomes obsolete.


I thank Mr. Stone for this frequency, and I give him Love in return for what I have received. I absorb this frequency and make it my own so that it fills my body, soul and spirit in their entirety. I send this frequency of Mr. Stone to Sophia, Semiramis, Nimrod, and my friends the god of Wrath and the funky Polar Bear.

I am most thankful Mr. Stone. Thank you!}


{Okay, so let’s take this 666 frequency a step further. Today is the 23rd March 2019. The other day my wife said that the only concern she had for me in writing this journal was my sanity. She feared that I would never reach a final solution and conclusion to this Game, and last night I understood what she meant. My head began to pain; I was being overwhelmed and bombarded by the frequencies of Hell; these fuckers had me by the balls and were drowning me within the Disharmonious frequency of Hell.

The framework of Hell; the frequency of 666 arose from Fear – our Fear as we became uncertain after our Second Fall. We constructed this framework of Hell, so it is fair to say that we keep Hell intact. We are all children of God, so as unreal as this may sound – we are all interconnected, and it is this interconnection that keeps us chained within this most unpleasant frequency. If you want to break free of this dense frequency so that you are independent of Hell, where you decide your destiny rather than foul Beasts, then you have to break your connection from the Fear that courses through all of us. You may sit cross-legged in your cave all day every day, but as long as you have an affiliation to Life, you are still caught and trapped in the cargo-net called Hell – the 666 frequency of Hell.


This morning I woke up and smelt the after-effects of the disharmonious entities that came into my space during the night to do with me as they please. I connected with my dog Fiona, who has the same excess junk bombardment within the brain as me, and through breathing in the Love that is with intent, we got rid of this mess within our forms. Naturally this meant nothing as it would only be a matter of time before this nonsense returned.

So what I done was get the whole team together: Steven, Fiona, Max, Earl, the Necromancer, Semiramis, Sophia, Nimrod, the god of Wrath, and the frequency of Deception. I got together my loved ones and the key players of Hell, and I placed us together in a round circle facing the outside of the circle. Then I breathed in the Love that is and coursed this Love through the ten of us, so that we are all just Love. Then I broke the architectural framework that links us with the rest of the finite in Hell – the “floor” all around us broke away; we severed our ties with all.

This is the beauty of understanding Hell; of understanding that there is no Evil – you can hold onto your belief; what you define as your God, and be free of the 666 frequency by doing what Steven just done. Hold onto your God, but please, hold onto the key players in Hell as well, so that you may fill them with Love, and then break all ties with the frequency of Hell. If you don’t do this, you will forever more be linked to entities that you cannot see that do with you what they like.

That is why in Hell bullies and baddies are king – they have the Disharmonious frequency of Hell backing them as they do what they want when they want. Their actions are “normal,” as they are in the playing fields of Hell with its frequency of 666 coursing through them. To go against a bully one stands alone, as others don’t have the courage to fight this energy that makes up the System of Hell. Our Love and our courage is almost unheard of here is Hell, as one dares to break free of the cargo-net of Hell and face the System head-on – to look Fear in the eye and tell it that you are no longer afraid.

You will read later how I was told the other day to always surround myself with good people/frequencies. Now I understand what they meant: Be free of the System by detaching yourself from the Disharmonious frequency of Hell within and without others.


When you want to heal, then bring the frequency of the one you want to heal into your space, and then fill them with Love, and most importantly, break their ties with the frequency of Hell. Those you help will automatically be reconnected to their loved ones, but this time around they won’t be connected to the Disharmonious frequencies that are unknowingly associated with their loved ones.

We need to understand that we have been “asleep” for a long time. While we have slept and been ignorant to the Game, Beasts have mastered it. We need to start over again on our own playing field that is free from Disharmony, and how this is done is to sever our ties with all that were intertwined within our frequency in Hell. Break the unnatural thread so that the natural one may flourish.   


This morning we had a friend around for breakfast. She is a good person with a good heart. No doubt she is not perfect like all of us, but she listens to her conscience whenever she can, and it shows.

At one stage during the course of the morning when I entered her space, I felt this pain on my left cheek, which is indicative that I am around a nasty person. As I had an affiliation to this person – as in I was fond her, I also had the misfortune of being open to and encountering her nasty streak; that part of us that intertwines with Hell.

Initially I could not understand why I was given the signal that I was around an unpleasant person, but now I know – it was Stevens body, soul and spirit severing itself from the frequency of Hell and all its participants. I am not better than anything or anyone else; I am merely detached from this unpleasant 666 frequency. When I felt the pain on my left cheek, what happened was that I was detached from her Dark side. As we are all intertwined; we take in the good and bad from others, but now I take in only their Love as I am detached from Hell – the Hell within and without them.


Now you can begin to heal yourself and others, as now the playing field is levelled, as we are devoid of Hell.

To heal yourself, breathe in the Love that is with intent, and this Love will heal, and you will remain healed as you are no longer in the fields of Hell. To heal others, bring them into your space and do the same for them – where the Love that is courses through them, and when the healing is complete they remain in this Love state as they are no longer attached to Hell. Please do never be afraid to experience and be the unfamiliar – our natural state of Love.

23rd March 2019}


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When we talk about innocence – or the innocent – we are talking about Consciousness; this pure flower that was born from the Infinite. This innocence was Deceived, and this is where we throw down a question mark. Why would you deprive me of my freedom? Why take away my joy? Why destroy me? Why make me suffer? Why shame me?

You have your own freedom, so why do you need mine? You have your own integrity and self-respect, so why take away mine?

You have your own, and around you is a limitless supply of abundance, so why would you come into my space and destroy me when around you is the everything?


We need to trace the steps back as to what happened that this illusionary playground became a battle field, with Consciousness caught slap-bang in the middle of it.


Even the innocent can fall, and it is my belief that Consciousness in this illusionary Garden became addicted to Chaos – that thrill of “Oh for fucks-sakes, what now……..”; or “…….. not again!”

Am I wrong in saying this? Let’s find out. Go into the stillness of the silence and into the space of Consciousness, and what you find is a mild form of intensity, where everything becomes strained, because being in the presence of Chaos is exhausting. Look past this intensity, and there is a want – a want to be part of the action; a want to miss nothing.

When you look for something that should naturally not be there, you strain yourself, you focus, where you look really hard for what you want, because you expect it to be there – you want it to be there. We have spoken about addiction in the journal, and this addiction came from the take of the Parasite, from where a “want to take” arose within us, so could this wanting to be part of the action be a form of addiction within Consciousness?


By looking, instead of being, Consciousness shut itself off from the everything. We became hooked into the Game, and this fucked us up, where we became narrow-minded, where this is all I want to know. It is not pleasant, but it is good enough for me.

To those that wish it so, we release this will of “I want to Live and be part of the action” within Consciousness. Your focus of attention has been to an illusion you stupid fuck-nut. What you saw; what you chased; what intrigued you, was not even real, so go back to what you are. What you forgot, was this place was meant to be a playground, and slowly but surely the fun was sucked out of here, where now we had to look really hard for that bit of joy.


Stop looking and start being what you are. Just let go and allow yourself to be. Go back to what is real, which is the Love that you are, because you the innocent are suffering, and this is not the norm, regardless if you are in the Infinite or an illusion.

So let’s go back to the initial question: Why would we – as in evil Deceit - deprive Consciousness of its innocence? The answer is because Consciousness played in our evil Game. You play, you win or you lose, meaning eventually we all lose.

So stop playing in this Game Consciousness, rather go back to you just being what you are. That is real – that is where the real action is.

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If you want to transplant a plant, then you have to stick your spade deep into the soil to make sure you get all its roots. And so too, if you want to impact the illusion, scrape the bottom on the barrel so that all may rise together.

It was never about changing you, because I have no right to do that. It was about sharing what came to be understood why a beautiful Garden became a living hell, and in the process Consciousness became lost unto itself.


 We cannot see ourselves, so how we know what we are, is seeing a reflection of ourselves in others. You are me, and I am you. If I like what I see in you, then I am drawn to you – which is myself, and of course the opposite is true, where if I see a Beast, and I am not one, then I am disgusted and appalled in what I see.

So what I done in writing this journal was give it to the all. Before I even knew what was to be said, the aim was to make sure it goes to all within the unseen, so that when it is complete, there are no excuses, where now you have an equal opportunity to be me, just as I have to be you. In you I see me, otherwise I am blinded unto myself.


What happens if there is no one like you, causing you to drift, never finding you and your own? Well, that I have been doing for a long time, but it has never been about me – it is about you, because you are me, and if you are not happy then neither can I be.

My wife really fucked me up, but there is a part of her that is also remarkable. There was no time this time around for a romance, because a job had to be done where we all once again get to know each other. Nobody else would have given me the freedom to sit at home and write a journal, placing no pressure on me whatsoever to go out there and get a job. This journal was my job, for those in the unseen, and without my wife, what you are today would never have been possible. She was the silent partner that allowed me to get on with what needed to be done. Sure, it would have been great to love someone, where the love I have in myself I see in them, but this never happened, because here in the dense physical realms we are all truly fucked up, with me always standing first in line. Now I see the stupidity of what is out there; the raw brute, and that is not me, where I want to run away because I don’t like what I see. My fucked up, intense, eldest daughter is you and me, doing her best to be happy and make the most of Life. We are all the same, and I say this because I see me in everyone out there.


So what changed in writing this journal? The answer is I stopped looking for me in you, where I found me in myself, and this could only be done when I no longer became lost unto myself. Now I can get to know myself, and from there be myself. Well, what about this Divine Intervention I have always spoken about?

What happens to me, happens to you, where by me helping myself, now I can help you, and so this is true of those that can help us, namely Sophia and Semiramis et al.

Last night as I slept my Consciousness focused on itself, where it came to know and be itself, and what this tells us, is we are no longer lost and alone, because we can now awaken unto ourselves, bringing forth what we are in the seen and unseen, until all that is left is Consciousness.


We have been searching for ourselves in others, hence the need to never be alone, and now we can rise above ourselves and be, and that for me is remarkable.


It has always been about Consciousness – this Beautiful, pure crystal that became floored and cracked by the Deceit that was spread throughout the illusion; this wooden puppet that wanted to be a real boy, that wanted to embrace Life and live every moment to its fullest.

May we all now know ourselves, and from there be what we are, which is joy, happiness and peace within, knowing where our Home is and where we belong. We have been deceived and lied to, and this is no longer possible, because I don’t need you to tell me what I am or what the truth is. We know ourselves, and from there we see ourselves in others, and it is there that we will make our home in the illusion until we have had enough here, and from there pass to the fields of Infinite Love.


It was been an awful journey for the majority the worlds over. In knowing and being ourselves, may we experience the complete opposite of what we have, before we depart this strange, unfamiliar place. There is much beauty everywhere.

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Don’t remember what the implanted dream was about – something short and sweet and not too complicated. Woke up to the activity around me, and through my Third Eye saw these long, thin snakes coming towards me the spirit and body form as I lay in bed sleeping. They settled around my head, and from there began lunging – shooting forth – taking bits of my energy that accumulated from me following their implanted dream.

From there, I threw a hard-arse move, where I held onto my energy so they could not feed from it. If they asked, would have gladly given, but don’t take where you expect.


In response to my hard-arse move, they gave me one better.

I was taken into another implanted dream, and this one they made sure I remember. I was talking to someone, and next to us was a cat meowing in a tree. The cat climbed down the tree, and walked around us onto what looked like a stage. Then a large breed dog came running around me and grabbed the cat. I could see how the cat was being crushed in the mouth of the dog. Tried to get to the cat crying out in pain, where I wanted to run as fast as I could before the damage done to the cat was irreparable, but in this implanted dream they made sure I couldn’t move forwards to assist.


That was their “Fuck you Steven!”


The world; the illusion, is a simulation, as are our dreams. It is all an illusion, as is us the projection.

Ask yourself, what are we to these beings that control the simulation? Words cannot describe their indifference to us, and maybe this is so because they see us as objects in a video game – we are not real, and they know this, so they don’t care. All that we are is a simulation in an arcade game.


So what are they? Because they control our programme, does it make them independent of being controlled? What do they look like – what form do they take? What they have that you and I don’t, is they know how the Game is played. They made you and me – the biological computer and the manufactured spirit. They deceived and manipulated Consciousness, where it was dumbed down to become fascinated by a B-class soapie series on television we call Life.

So what are they – these that control you and me and the illusion? To those the cruel and the evil – you are also in their game. You are not special. You do not have magical occult powers where you can summon demons and be part of their sick existence. You are just a simulation played in a Game to provide energy to keep the twisted, deranged illusion alive.


How do we get these fuckers out of our space? They made you and me the spirit and body form, so they control every aspect of us. We are literally putty in their hands, where with a click of a switch our lives are altered. We are the software in their game, with the arcade machine being the illusion.


How their game is changed; how it is taken over, is by Consciousness shining, where it merely be’s, where Consciousness hacks into their System and takes it over. We need to once again experience joy and happiness, where we know Life is unfolding as it should.

Over the last few days I felt and saw the step down in our moral decay, where we have fallen to a denser state, where more and more, with each passing day, Goodness is being erased from our existence, where a helter-skelter; a Sodom & Gomorrah is all around us. What I am trying to say, is we have fallen to a state where we truly are fucked. We need help before any form of enlightenment can rise within us that is Consciousness. The environment of the Game is too toxic for Consciousness to spread its wings and fly, so we need to alter the game around/within us to make it a more pleasant existence.


So what Consciousness does, is it hacks into the System that controls you and me and our environment. From there it shines itself into this illusionary Game so that the rot may no longer be. It does this now, and it carries on doing it until the frequency around/within Consciousness is where it may fly and soar. In other words, Consciousness raises the Game to where the game is compatible to Consciousness, because right now, we are too far gone to be able to go anywhere, but this is changing as we speak.

Consciousness has taken over the controls of the Game, where the illusion is no longer run by Beasts, but rather what naturally should be, which is Infinite Love that is within you and me and the all.

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Went to bed late last night. Someone far away was playing loud music. All you heard was the bass sound – it sounded like a fist banging against the wall. Got out of bed and went downstairs to sleep on the couch, hoping not to hear the noise there. Heard it, and somehow fell asleep. (Surely there must be a place in this frequency where the scum of the earth don’t dwell.)

Woke up during the night on the couch and went back to bed.


The implanted dream was ridiculously stupid. There was a long, thick hair extending out of my nose, and with both hands, pulling as hard as I can, I battled to extract this hair from my nose.

Woke up from the implanted dream and saw this large deer standing next to my bed. It was one of another world, where the face had markings and extensions unknown to us. I thought to myself what a beautiful sight – this wondrous animal standing next to me. It moved towards me and began to eat the energy around my head that had accumulated from me following the implanted dream. So there I was, lying in bed, watching while this deer from another world was feeding from my energy.

Then I felt the presence of the rider. Someone was riding this animal, and it was their choice to remain in the shadows where I could not see them, but momentarily he leaned forward in his seat and I got a glimpse of him. He looked like Skeletor from the kids animation series He-Man that was on television about forty years ago.

There was so much activity around me, where those around me began fiddling with me, where I don’t know what they done. It is a real pity I battled to fall asleep as a result of the scum and spineless that are found in many places, but not all. I would have liked to see what these beings done to me – I can’t imagine it to be good, because if it was, there would be no reason to hide yourself from me. But I don’t know – am just assuming.


What I do know is Consciousness will find and know itself. This innocent dummy needs to grow up and be. Suffering and survival is not the norm.  

Know yourself. Know what you are. Go within, and not without to the illusion. Be.  

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There is no ways Consciousness can be such a dummy. Something is still holding it down, and I intend to find out now what it is. If this dude/dudess shone a fraction of a fraction of what it was, what you and I the spirit and body form are would be over in the moment, as would the world that we knew when we touch it.

So what is the chain; what is the drug; what is the lie, the deceit, that is still keeping Consciousness down?


You don’t breathe, you die. You the body form need the particles around you that you cannot see or touch. What this air is, is so simple and basic – it is something we take for granted, where we never even consider it, and yet without it, we are goners in just a few minutes.


So what does Consciousness need, where without it, it is a dummy that is helpless to Beasts that come and prey on the spirit and the body form, where Consciousness can do nothing against this scum that feed off the helpless slaves?

The answer is The Tree of Life. What is this Tree? It is a space, that when saturated, as in comes together with intent, that creates the strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness that is Consciousness. We have known of this “Tree” for years, and we have connected Consciousness to it through our intent, so what is the problem? What is this basic – this God-given right within Consciousness – that has been taken away from it?


When I go into the space of Consciousness, I feel it located at our throat area.

When I go into the space of The Tree of Life, you feel this presence that merely is – it is you and me and within everything; it is the air that Consciousness is.

Now you go into the space of Consciousness and the Tree, and the two don’t gel, where the one does not know the other exists – they pass over each other and do not interact and fuse as one. How did these Beasts that control the Game do such a thing, where instead of joining forces, the Tree and Consciousness oppose each other? What is there that should not be there?

They inverted the state of the Tree. You cannot such out the Infinite from entering the illusion, so when the essence of the Tree enters the illusion, you swing this frequency over to the complete opposite to what it should be. You see it; you know it, and then you invert this state to become the complete different state it should be within the illusion. One cannot change the Infinite, because it is what it is, but within the illusion the state of the Infinite becomes a frequency, and this frequency you bend to what you want it to be. It’s the same with Consciousness, where in the fields of Infinite Love it is what it is, but here in the illusion nothing is real, so what you see you can manipulate.


And that is how they separated Consciousness from Home, where they swung the essence of the Infinite that we call The Tree of Life to the complete opposite to what it should be. That is how Beasts enter your space and mine and play with us, where we are helpless to them. The Life-essence of Consciousness was inverted to be the complete opposite to what it should be, which killed off Consciousness, as this essence was the air it breathed.


We return the essence of the Tree within the illusion to what it should be, where now it may feed and be compatible to Consciousness.

Proof of the pudding will what comes tonight in my sleep state. Do we have our armour back; are we what we are, which naturally repels disharmony as this state has no place in our existence? Let’s see what comes tonight in our sleep state. What happens to me happens to you – we are all in this Game together, and may this no longer be the case, where we are played by Beasts.


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Everything I write in this journal is for one goal, and that is to be what we are meant to be. Not asking too much, is it? All I ask is to be me, not some watered-down silly that drifts between the highs and lows that Life throws at us. I ask just to live – to feel the Life that is the Infinite and me.


Last night during sleep I looked for those that came into my space, but nobody came. We have always only known the presence and the way of the Beast, but last night they were absent from our existence. Does this mark the beginning of a new chapter? We will see how Life now unfolds, where Life itself will answer that question.

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Now when you sleep, you are surrounded by a state of Consciousness.


Woke up this morning to begin the Dad chores for the day, and then momentarily fell asleep again. Through my Third Eye saw what looked like an elaborate piece of silver with a skull emblazed within a part of the silver plate.

Then I saw him – the one who came riding on the deer a few nights back. He looked just like Skeletor, and he had his back to me, showing me shoulders and a torso of steel. To call this man a brute is uncalled for and childish. What he is, is Death and Destruction. He is the muscle of the Demiurge. He is also your brother and mine. He is a friend.


We cannot judge, because we have not lived an existence trying to sort this mess out. If somebody fucks up, you take them out of the equation, because with them in the sum you will never get a healthy outcome. And that is what this Man of Death done. You could call him the one you meet on Judgment Day – if you believe in such matters. He is my friend, and I will always be there for him.


What the System needs is for Consciousness to breathe Life into it. So many of us are tired, and so many are reveling in their insanity and stupidity. The more we fall; the denser we and Life becomes, the harder we party. Life is one big blast – a helter-skelter where anything goes. No rules brother, just anarchy. This is the wasted spaces that need a reality check of who and what they are – the ones who think they have an answer to everything. They never had a Daddy to show them morals and integrity, where they rode the wave of this shit-show and called it home.

Consciousness needs to breathe Life into all so that the transition to what is goes smoothly, otherwise there will be a rumble in the park. It is not just about you. It is not just about me. Somewhere along the line we got it wrong – we are not meant to destroy each other; we are meant to uplift one another; to make your Life joyous; to find that magic in that wonder called Life.

Somewhere along the line the sorrow of others appealed to us – this was our norm. Can you see how far we have drifted from what we naturally are?


There will be a wake-up-shake-up, and I say so because this journal has changed everything within the illusion, meaning what was can no longer continue to be. Consciousness is growing and being with each passing moment, and when it pops unto itself there will be a ripple that will touch all. Either you ride this wave, where it uplifts you, or it tumbles and floors you. What will determine your future or fate is what you are within. Do you care, or don’t you? Do you want the best for others and yourself, or do you want to destroy?


That friend of mine that we call Death, now he walks away, where Consciousness takes over. We are tired, and need to be uplifted to where we belong.

So be it.

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The question you have to ask is how do people change? How do we become better than what we are? How do we become kind – considerate? Isn’t is normal to think about others and not just yourself? Surely there is no better feeling than uplifting others, where you crossed their path for only a moment and made them understand what it feels like to once again be Human?

Why do we so easily hate and so seldom Love? Is there an answer to such a question? What will it take to swing us back to what we naturally are? I would say a catastrophe, where we are stripped of all we have and all we have become so that we may see and know ourselves – what disgusting beings we have become.


I say a catastrophe because few truly wants to change, where we are too busy making sure we are okay. I wish no harm to anyone, because this is who and what I am. But when, and how, will the ways of the illusion end?

How low we have fallen. What a bunch of spineless cowards we are. There was a fall of a Creator beyond her realm, which led to an impact zone from which the Serpents arose, and this was all okay, because mistakes can happen, but what happened was the spirits became tainted and turned into cockroaches, and these little pests became out of control, where even the gods and a Creator could not keep them in line. Through that swarm of insects you saw Steven, but with time Steven didn’t like being just another of the colony, as I knew there was so much more for all of us, and so I began to “evolve,” meaning I just wanted to become better than what I was.


How many out there feel the same, where they want to live in peace and harmony and consideration within this illusion? It blows me away how fucked up those all around me have become – in the seen and unseen. This is truly an awful place to be.


So what will change, where we of the illusion change, because what is out there is abnormal. This is truly an awful place.

I have changed, where for myself, I have become better than what I was, and this was for me, because I knew it was never just about me. There is a big world out there, and by me being happy and knowing myself, I may embrace and absorb the Beauty in our midst. But I was wrong, because the place does not define us – it is what is in our hearts. Look into the hearts of others and you will see there is nothing there, and this rattles me – that we have become inhumane, where destruction and brute force course through our veins.

And then there is the spineless, where I keep quiet and pretend that what is staring me in the face does not exist. These are the wasted spaces; the ones that allow the inhumane to own our existence.


Kindness will not transform the illusion, because we have never been interested in this state of consideration, where it is not just about me, but also you. So what will transform us the dense frequency cockroaches; the ones that take for me so fuck you?

I don’t know – I am not a God or a Creator. But whatever these fools have in mind, bring it on. Where we are and what we have become is beyond shameful. We are a disgrace to all beings of Love. Who in their right mind would want to associate with us the savage?

Whatever Sophia and Semiramis have in mind – bring it on. I am ready. I know what I am – I am Love; I am kindness; I am consideration, and that will be enough to withstand whatever comes my way.

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Ask yourself what gave the bully power, status and an unwritten law that they hold sway over their kingdom, be it the school yard or the illusion itself. Love should override all, but in the space of a runt who believed they are better than you, this Love is squashed and suppressed to the point where it became useless/obsolete.

Fair enough, Consciousness became deceived to be lost and not know itself, but what gave the illusion power where anything goes, where pure savagery spread unchecked and unanswered to? We always imagined this cruel might to be the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, but there is something else, where the heartless made the Love of the innocent obsolete by merely being in their presence.


The answer is logical, where oil and water don’t mix. The innocent do not belong in the presence of the brute, because the innocent are kind and pure, and the brute is heartless, bombastic and inconsiderate. So what should naturally happen, is the two states move apart because they are not compatible, and remember we are talking about frequencies and not a physical state. The frequency of Love is not the same as the frequency of the Beast, where they are on different waveforms, and yet the Beast managed to superimpose its frequency upon the innocent to suppress them. So as logical as the answer might seem, there is something there that should not be, and this I intend to discover now. What do the heartless have that keeps the illusion and those that dwell therein suppressed?

The answer comes back to their proximity to our space. We could never leave this place because we were lost, so we had our backs to the wall while the sharks swam in our waters and intimidated us with their presence. And just to keep our fear heightened, they would attack now and then so we may know our place.


So it was a few factors: Trapped in an illusion with nowhere to go; having to share the space of those we are not compatible with; Beasts intimidating us, which created an element of fear within us, and this fear frequency within us is what allowed the Beast to breach into our space and do with our Love frequency what they wanted.


One has to make the frequency of the Beast obsolete, so when in our space, they have no influence over us. What their frequency is, which is one we do not know, which makes us fearful, is a heartless frequency, where I squash and suppress and destroy just because I can. Their heart field is a bottomless pit made of stone, where there is no Love/kindness/empathy/consideration – not least for themselves, because ultimately they destroy themselves by moving further and further away from the Love that they are.

So this stone-cold, heartless frequency is removed from our space, where in the past it touched and tainted us, now it passes right through us by us knowing it is there and has no place in our existence.


Where too from here now? – We rise up to where we belong, where we may merely be, where our Love frequency is untouched, thus always remaining pure.

So be it.  

(We never knew of this link of fear, where through us not knowing this heartless state of the Beast, we feared what we did not know. Now we know of it, where we look it in the eye and know this is not us, so it passes right through us as we rise to our natural state of Love.)

2nd September, 2023

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There are three specific categories of realms that I know of. The first being the dense physical realms of the illusion, where we the body forms find ourselves, and there are many physical worlds out there. The second realm being the spirit realm, where when the physical body dies the spirit leaves the body permanently to move to this less dense spirit realm; and the third being the realm where the Beasts dwell, where those know the Game and the System for what it is, where survive and do what you want when you want because you can. We can call this third realm the Reptilian realm, where you embrace that you are fucked up and cruel and go with the flow of your fellow brothers and sisters to rock until you disappear into The Nothingness of the Forgotten, and maybe this Nothingness can be called a fourth realm of the dead-dead, where you forget yourself unto yourself, but it is the first three we would like to talk about.


Our dense body realm and the Reptilian realm is where reality bites – where you have to knuckle down and survive, otherwise you literally wither away and die. The spirit realm is La-La land, with I am sure its great halls and spaces of splendour, where this is what we on the dense body realm strive towards – to climb the ladder in this realm to become closer to our god. And believe you me, this place is impressive – it is Beautiful beyond. Just a pity this spirit realm is an illusion and ruled from the shadows by cruel Beasts.


So what makes this spirit realm different from the other two? – The answer is there you don’t have to eat – no need to pop down to the corner café and score a cheeseburger and chips, because here everything is sorted, where we bide our time until we fall back into the Gladiators arena of the dense body realm to learn.


I write what I write now because last night in my sleep state I was shown someone from the Reptilian frequency eating. This guy was not just eating as you and I would when we sit down to a meal, he was eating as he was famished, and what he ate was needed to sustain him – it was a matter of life and death.

So the question you have to ask, is what is the difference between the spirit realm compared to the dense body realm and the Reptilian realm? What does the spirit realm have where eating is not necessary, compared to the other two realms where you don’t eat you die?

Now that is a good question to ask, because to control food is to control Life as food/energy is needed for Life, or so we thought. Years ago I confirmed that the spirit realm doesn’t eat by proposing the subject to a brilliant Animal Communicator, who connected to the animal spirits and heard what they had to say. She said that the spirit animals told her there was no need to eat where they were, and this I believe because the spirit realm is an exalted space, where making food, eating, doing the dishes, and then going for a dump afterwards is not on the script for such a place. This place is truly ethereal and Beauty, where such mediocrities and primitive traits are not on their agenda. 


How is the spirit in the spirit realm fooled into not having to eat, compared to the other two realms where eating is surviving to live?


When the spirit leaves the body permanently, it leaves the ways of the world behind, where strife is no more. This the spirit is aware of, where now it goes to a better place to meet loved ones who have already crossed over.

What the spirit realm has that the other two don’t have is a sense of false perspective, where we believe where we are we don’t need, and this is true, because this frequency is much less dense than from where we came.

In the Reptilian realm, you see things for what they are, where now you not only see your realm, but also the spirit and body realm, where you understand how all are connected. In this realm you see the illusion for what it is, which is truly a Hell, because Life is going against what naturally should be, which is the Love of the Infinite within and without. The illusion has lost touch with the base foundation of what naturally is, meaning everything is flowing in the opposite direction, and this requires effort, as in energy/food, lest we wither away and die. The Beasts – the cruel ones that embrace their cruelty – understand that playing the illusion comes at a price, which is you have to eat to sustain your unnatural flow away from what should naturally be.

How often have I been awoken as I sleep to see through my Third Eye how a couple hovering above me are getting it off, where my proximity to their sex act arouses me in bed, so that I may release an orgasm to feed them my energy.

Around some pools of water, especially some places where the sea flows, there dwell powerful Reptilian spirits, where their power demands huge swathes of energy, so we the body forms are touched by their presence which enhances the sex drive within us almost to a state of frenzy. I have seen these Beasts and been touched by their presence, and not a damn would I give into their demands.


The closer we are to reality, and this reality is one few have the courage to face – that Life for so many is truly shit – the more we touch base with the fact we have to take to sustain ourselves.


But what if we understood all the realms of the illusion, and more importantly, what if we understood ourselves, that we are Consciousness whose Home is not in these realms but the Infinite? Surely we would be like those in the spirit realm, but without their false perspective, where we see we have been going in the opposite direction to what naturally is, and this reversal to what should be removes from us the primitive act of killing so that we may live.

You are not becoming a bunny-hugger and vegan; what you are becoming is a transformation of you the biological computer, where within you is no longer this necessity to take to survive.


My take on eating is it is more of a social event where people come together to share the joy of each other’s company. The bugger up is others have to die, where their blood is shed so we can eat from their flesh in order to have a good time.

I understand not all Love the animals as I do. That same Animal Communicator that understands the animals and their elevated – unconditional love – status compared to ours eats them as well. Her argument is the plants also have feelings and yet we eat them, and she is correct.

But this is not what I am talking about. What I speak of is de-evolving to what we should be, where we understand that on the path back Home and to what we should be that we are above the need to satiate ourselves with the ways of the illusionary Hell in which we found ourselves.


The spirit in the spirit realm is correct – we do not have to take to eat. But let’s take this one step  further, where the spirit no longer returns to the ways of the dense frequency of the illusion, where we move forwards Homewards bound to what we are and where we belong.

This transition is an altered mindset; now it is not so much about killing and taking to survive, it is about swinging the ball back in the direction to what we naturally are, where we are above the primitive ways of the illusion.


That is what understanding does – it allows you to see where you are and what you have always done, and from there know where you should be and what you are.

We don’t need the flesh of the animals and plants to survive or have a good time. What we need is an understanding of ourselves. So please understand there is no need to go out now and burn your bra and walk around barefoot hugging each tree you see. I am talking about shifting the perspective of the spirit to what is real so that this repetitive loop of survival is broken. See the big picture – where you are, and where you belong, and this most certainly is not within the illusion.


From day one I have said that this journal is for adults, where you read what is written, and from there you decide what is best, for yourself and for all. Uplift yourself so that you may pass a helping hand to those that need your help, and one day they will help you as you helped them because we all need help.

As an adult, transform your perspective by knowing what you are and what is real, and this transformation is done by letting go to what naturally is. Allow the Infinite to touch you. Past this thin veil of the illusion lies what is real. Allow the curtain of the illusion to rise up to the see the stage of what is. That is you and where you belong.

Always find an excuse to have fun and be at peace, as this is an expression of the Consciousness that you are, but let’s stop doing it at the expense of others. Nature and the Animals are entitled to Life, just as we are. One night my spirit found itself in a world where I was chased and hunted by a fox swinging a lasso, so I talk for all – for the hunter that is the hunted in other worlds.  We all need to stop this nonsense – the primitive ways of the illusion, and how this is stopped is by changing our perspective. If we are all Consciousness and one, then let’s start living this state, where we willfully turn around and go in the opposite direction to where we were headed. Go back to what you are. We do not need the illusion with its primitive cruel ways. We need to start expressing what we are, where we embrace the Infinite that is everywhere,

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The focus of the spirit and Consciousness is towards the Infinite. Please do not take lightly the importance of that statement, because part of being lost, which Consciousness and the spirit has been for so long, is not knowing where you are and where you belong.

Up till now we have been doing our best as we go with the flow of the illusion, where failure was certain because we were going in the wrong direction. With every high we will get ten lows until there are no more highs as we are so deeply embedded within the illusion, where the Reptilian frequency touches us and encroaches on our space. I would say we are already there, where the last remaining wall of normality has been broken down to reveal the brute, cruel harshness of what has always dwelled from the shadows.


Now we have turned our back on these ways, where our focus is Homeward bound. It is vital Consciousness and the spirit remember this at all times, where now they walk Homeward bound. Along the way stepping stones are laid to make their existence more comfortable, meaning we return to what naturally is. Strife and uncertainty are not natural. Knowing who we are and where we are headed that is Home is natural.


At all times, the focus of the spirit and Consciousness is where we are and where we belong, and this keeps us on the path to the flow of the Infinite that naturally is.

3rd September, 2023

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The implanted dream last night was of me playing in a badmington match. The setting was a kind of a country fare, with people mingling all around us.

This game was important – the scores were close, and yet there were distractions from the people walking around, as well as those who were waiting their turn to play, so I had to really focus on what was going on. Each point counted, and I gave this game my all.

Then I thought of our cat Gypsey lying next to me, and I wondered if she was covered properly as the night air was cool, so I pulled away from this important game in this implanted dream, and as my body that lay in bed swung around to check on Gypsey, I saw through my Third Eye the one who implanted the dream.


There she was, as clear as daylight, and I saw her in her entirety, from top of her head to her toes. She was a larger than life Pixie – a faerie with wings, and what made her really stand out was the markings on her body and wings. One understood that these markings were unique to her, just as each zebra has its own markings that are its unique fingerprint.

She just hovered there in midair as I looked at her and she at me, and then I understood that the implanted dreams that we are more often than not made to forget, are more than just a means to extract energy from us to feed the Beasts that rule over us.


“Look there!” Wherever I tell you to look – that spot has your attention, so whatever you were doing is no longer important as your focus of attention has shifted to elsewhere.

That pixie was making sure my Consciousness was focused on the Game of the illusion rather than the Infinite that is. By giving attention to the illusion and its ways keeps us here, as what we are focusing on shuts out everything else that is out of our periphery.


It will be really interesting to see ourselves – to see how those from the shadows have imprisoned us.

Years back I heard the story where in some Asian country the delicacy was eating monkeys brains, where the monkeys were subdued, their skull caps taken off, and while they were still alive, their brains were eaten. I don’t know how true this story is, but somehow, somewhere, these Beasts have us subdued, where with the flick of a switch access is granted into our subconscious, and from there a story/dream is interwoven to which Consciousness becomes drawn to like a moth to a flame. This story which I am telling you about now, of implanted dreams, is true, and night after night, from one lifetime to the next, we are kept trapped in this illusion by focusing on what is around us, and when we sleep, on what is implanted within us.


Not so flattering is our existence ‘ey?


So what Consciousness does is focus on the Infinite that it is within and without, and from there it goes into the stillness of the silence to merely be. Be what you are by knowing what you are, as well as knowing where you are. Everywhere, especially here in the illusion, lies the Infinite. You connect to this – where this process is natural and effortless – and everything that has been done to limit and enslave us is undone, as disharmony cannot exist in the space of harmony.

How does our Consciousness know what is real and what is not? Do we need those jewels that are scattered around us, or do we move towards the lamp wherein there is nothing but the silence and the all? Sitting on my couch all day whilst I focus on nothing will get me nothing.

The focus of Consciousness, as well as the spirit, is the Infinite, as in Homeward bound. Where we are now is in a really bad place, where the illusion and its Beasts have enslaved us, so we need stepping stones out of the quicksand that we have drowned within a long time ago. So through the stillness of the silence Consciousness is drawn to what will uplift it and the spirit and body form. When Consciousness touches these upliftment states, it is like a spark going off within.


Remember why Consciousness was drawn out of the stillness of the silence of the All – it was brought forth to play and experience the wonders that it is. We use this same principle to draw us out of the dense illusion, where Consciousness is drawn to states of play/upliftment, and this picks us up and away from this illusion in which we became lost and forgot ourselves. So keep in the silence, and when you feel an upliftment that is for you and all, then hold onto it and make it your own. How you know it is an upliftment is when the state brings joy to you, and this joy can from you be passed to the all where it uplifts them as well.


Know what is real, and what is a trap. What is real is being in a state of permanent bliss. If you are drawn to focus on something, where this focus shuts out everything else; where what you see or do is not inclusive of the all, then that is a trap.

To Consciousness and the spirit – just be what you are. You are street-smart to the Game, so just let go and be. Give the illusion a miss and just be what you are, and this will draw you to the Infinite that is, and when you are one with your Home, that is when everything that should not be within and without falls apart, and all that is left is you.


From there just be you.

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What does a dummy do who has been lost unto itself and its Home when it awakens unto itself? The answer is it is clueless unto itself, the vehicles of the spirit and body forms in which it resides, as well as the spaces/worlds in which it finds itself.

Last night as I slept I saw the state of Consciousness, and it was clueless unto itself and where it found itself.


When we say merely “be,” we imply just that – be what you are; do nothing but merely shine. This is easier said than done when you have been lost for so long, but there is one foolproof way that allows you to reveal and express your true self, and that is to know you are Home, because when you are in the presence of your Home, you sit back and merely be, as your Home is an expression of you. Thus for Consciousness to know and be itself, and from there express itself, it has to know at all times it is Home, which is the presence of the Infinite.


So what is this Infinite that is everywhere – these fields of Infinite Love? What defines a Home? It is a state of being where you know you are where you belong. When you are there, you automatically know you have been here before, and there is no other place but where you are. It is a place of belonging – not of comfort and security – where you know that this is you. There is no beginning and no end because your Home is all that is. It is an extension; an expression of what you are, as you and it cannot be separated from each other. Your Home is you, and you are it.


Where is this place? How do we find it, where by being in our Home we may be what we are?

Well, for one, you won’t find this place in the dense physical realm or the spirit realm. In the realms of the illusion you become a tortoise, where you carry your Home on your back, where this shell reminds you what is real in the fakery of the illusion.

The Infinite is the space of the silence where there is nothing to do or say as where you are is everything and what you are. Here there is nothing to ask or places to go to. What is here is a state of knowing you are everything that will ever be. It is a place of Love, where you humbly give thanks for being, and being able to express yourself.

Consciousness becomes still unto itself, and in this space is its Home, where now it can begin to walk and be. Don’t limit yourself by holding back and trying to fit into the illusion – merely be what you are. You are a representative of the All from the fields of Infinite Love, so stand proud unto yourself, where you know yourself, and from there be this state. It is the simplest and most natural task there is because there is nothing else but what you are and where you belong.


Yesterday I understood that we the spirit and body form have forsaken our identity and agenda to Consciousness. The reality hit me yesterday that Consciousness is the driver of us the spirit and body form vehicles. It was lost in its new role, hence this pep-talk so that Consciousness may bloom unto itself.


We the spirit and body form may be on the back seat while Consciousness drives us around, and here we let go and enjoy the ride with our integrity and self-respect built into the framework of the vehicle. Remember, you are an expression of Consciousness, so always be an expression of Love. Go back to being a child, where innocence and play defines you.


As for this Steven, I have never had a place to call home, where I can lay down my hat and merely be. Thus in this lifetime it has been so important to me that I find that place I have never had. What I never knew was the Home within had to be found first, and that Home meant nothing unless it was filled by an occupant – that being Consciousness in its awakened state.

May our dummy no longer be a dummy, because for one this Steven is tired of being a dummy.


Consciousness has awoken unto itself, and from here may it see and know itself by being in its Home. This happens now, and may the knock-on effect of that phenomena touch us the spirit and body form. May we find our home in this crazy place, and from there may we express the Consciousness and Infinite that are within and without us that is us.


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