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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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My spirit was taken to a representation of the places I stayed in the seen and unseen realms, meaning what was shown was not the actual places I stayed at, but rather the theme and feel of the dwellings and their surroundings. Was shown an expanse of land that was divided into segments, and each segment was the place where I stayed at some or other stage of my existence.

One of the places was an empty field where pigs lived – you could still see their hoof prints on the ground.

At another place someone sold the meat of pigs, with their heads and white meat on display.


Of all the animals I have met, I view the pig as the one with the most character and intelligence. So being shown an empty field where pigs once roamed, it showed me that what we were is no more. No longer are we beings of character and intelligence. We killed ourselves – we became savages, chasing a quick buck and a quick fuck. Nothing wrong with that – yet me made it a habit to the point where it defined us.


Then as I lay in bed sleeping, through my Third Eye saw this group of spirits around me with their animal friends standing next to them. All they done was walk away from me, and I knew they were walking away Homeward bound. When I saw that sight a sense of peace filled me, as never before have we found a way back Home.

Woke up this morning and that nervous tension was out of me, where a form of peace filled me. Don’t know how long this will last for, but it’s a good start.

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Too where do these spirits and Consciousness walk when we say they walk Homeward bound?


When you go into the stillness of the silence, your left eye represents the illusion and all that dwell therein. Now when you ask to where Consciousness and the spirit depart too, you feel activity within the left eye, and then from the illusion; from the left eye, you feel a departure to the abdomen; to the womb. What this place is, is the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis without the influence of the parasitic frequency of Deception. In other words, this is the illusion as Semiramis intended it to be.

What I can say about this place, is it is filled with what we would call a fluid – but this fluid is one that is unknown to us.


As this place transforms the spirit and Consciousness and removes all the parasites within them, their transformation will touch us the body form. How or when I cannot say, but what I can say is Semiramis and Sophia are now free of the dense constraints of the illusion and can thus begin doing their job that we request from them, namely to help us the dense body form and our existence.

Will this womb; this illusion as it originally is – will it superimpose the illusion that dwells in the eye? I don’t know, but may we find out sooner than later.


From this place that Queen Semiramis knows so well – this illusionary Garden that has no parasite – she transforms those that return to here as they should be, namely to beings of pure Love.

As for The Wisdom Goddess Sophia, she too has returned to this womb to be cleansed from the dense illusion. From there she turns the dense illusion upside down, and I say this because I feel the left eye being pulled out of its socket and flipped around in mid-air. This is what one would call a wake-up-shake-up within the dense spirit realm of the eye/illusion. From there, the eye returns to the socket and floodgates are opened for the departure of those from the left eye to the womb.


From there the left eye diminishes into a small planet within its own orbit, meaning it orbits itself and nothing else. This is the place for those that like playing dirty – the only difference being they are with their own, where there are no innocent to play with.

We leave them be with the understanding they can depart to the womb any time they wish to. What is required for this transfer is a pure heart and a wish to return to what naturally is.


From the womb; the abdomen; the Garden, Sophia moves to the Everything of her realm, where from there she will oversee the transition from the illusionary Garden to the fields of Infinite Love.


How will all of this touch you and me within the seen realms of the illusion? All that I ask for, is that cruelty is no longer a part of our existence, where we can live in harmony with ourselves and what is around us.

I don’t expect or ask for group hugs – what I ask for is for me to be an expression of what I am, which is the glory of Consciousness in its natural state within the Infinite. When we the spirit and body form have played enough in this natural state, then we return to the Nothingness of the Infinite and merely be.

How I look forward to that state of rest - of merely being.

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So what went wrong? What happened that the Love of a God became a twisted Love that hurt like hell? What happened that a Creator became floored and stuck within an Illusion?

What was the cause of Semiramis’ and Sophia’s entrapment in a most awful place?


Sure, we talk about the parasite that created a want within all, but are you telling me this worm and its wants are bigger than a God and a Creator? I think not.


The cause of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia and Queen Semiramis not returning to where they belonged when things began to go south within the illusion can be summarized in one word – loyalty.

No matter what – through thick and thin – we stay together, meaning as long as you fall, I fall too to be with you. Now we are both lost and destroyed, and this is what loyalty brought to the table.


We are talking about the past, and “what if’s” is the language of the weak, but for those still within the dense illusion, let this loyalty be a lesson for all of us.

What Life is about is experiencing the wonders before us, where we see Beauty and acknowledge this is us. That brings peace, where you see and are reminded of what you are. Some may call this a state of upliftment, but this is not true – we merely are what we are.

The point to make, is any state other than this one is veering off from what we are to a place where we don’t belong. This standing by our Brothers and Sisters during their time of need is nonsense, because this closeness shrouds our judgement and makes us lose perspective of the predicament at hand. I can be sitting here moping about Life and feeling all alone, and what will get me back is seeing you dancing and being joyous over there in your natural state. Now I have a point; a location to return towards that I know I am.


This is what Sophia and Semiramis should have done when they saw the wheels come off those they Love – they should have walked away; they should not have stayed to try and make a wrong right. All their loyalty and Love done was pull them down with us, where with the skip of a heart beat we turned on them.

By walking away and returning to their realms they could at least have been there for us when we understood that being in control and having a free for all is not fun after a while. But when they fell to be with us there was no beacon, as in what is the truth and Love, allowing the Beast to go wild as now no help was coming for the innocent, and of course no consequences towards the cruel.


What is being said now, is don’t make the same mistake twice. Let go of this trait called loyalty and walk to where you belong. When you walk others will follow, as this is a natural path, but when you stay because you care and Love your Brother and Sister, you stay with them and continue to fall. You be the Light they need by you walking towards the Light of Love that is the Infinite. That is how you help.


Cut all ties to all you have known and come to Love and walk to where you naturally belong. Others will follow, and if they don’t, Love them enough to respect their decision, knowing that a time will come when we all return to what we naturally are, with you being there waiting for them. As long as we are bound to the illusion and its ways of disharmony, where we tied the knot that keeps us here, we will be going nowhere except to our demise.

To walk Home, one needs to loosen all bonds made in the illusion. This takes courage, because it may mean walking alone into unchartered waters, but believe you me, compared to what we have been through, this will be a breeze. I am tired on the Devil/Evil I know, and will gladly walk to where I belong.


No one is going to carry you – it is you with you, for the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Get up and walk – there is a path waiting for you.  

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Now here is an interesting thought, but before I propose it, allow me to explain.

I can tell you what these Beasts from the shadows do to your spirit and mine as we lay in bed sleeping, and I have always surmised that two and two equals four, meaning four had to be the obvious reason why they have always done this most foul deed, but what if I was wrong? What if two and two equals something bigger than four?


About a week ago woke up from a short implanted dream to see this lady feeding from my energy that had accumulated from me giving attention/energy to her implanted story.

I remember about nine years ago seeing once again my sleep state through my Third Eye how this being came to take of my energy. That night I was livid – I had enough, so I told this spirit in his wheelchair who was moving away with my energy to give it back to me, as it was not his to take. His response to my statement startled me, because as hard as this spirit tried, he could not leave my space. The only way he could move forwards out of my space was to give in to my demands of returning my energy to me.

That night I understood the power of understanding – why it has always been vital for these Beasts that we are always ruled from the shadows and kept in the dark. When we know and understand their agenda then its game-over for them.


So getting back to this lady whom I awoke to standing over me and feeding from my energy, I told her the same story – my energy was not hers to take, so give it back. (If they had asked to take my energy it would have been a complete different story, as now there is some form of integrity and respect at play, but this is never done. They take because they can.)

This lady was dressed in clothes that is unknown to us and our world – she was from somewhere deep within the shadows of the illusion, and her presence radiated power. I could not see her face as her clothes covered that, but even if they did not, her head was not shown to me, and I felt this was because in her eyes I was “below” her standings. She gave off a definite female presence. (Females rules the illusion as they have a Beauty that radiates depth, which us Men don’t possess. But instead of nurturing us, these Females chose to suppress and destroy, especially their own.)


When I told her my energy was not hers to take, and she must give it back to me, she performed an act that I have become familiar with over the years.

She took a tweezer of sorts, and from this bowl extracted small white worms and dropped them over my face. As soon as these worms hit my face they bored into the frequency field of my spirit. One dropped from my face right into the space of my left arm.


This I have so often felt – these short, thick white worms dropped into my face.

Last night it was ditto as usual, where all I saw was this presence/spirit performing its task of dropping a worm into my face. I felt it within the left upper side of my nose.


What happens to me, happens to you. Guaranteed. We are all slaves controlled by those from the shadows.

My assumption has always been that these white worms are there to suppress us, as in feed from our energy to keep our energy levels low to the point where we are hanging on a thread to survive. But what if I am wrong, which I strongly suggest I am? So here is my interesting thought, which I propose to you now:


“What if these short, white worms that are dropped into our spirits face are placed there to feed something within us?” 


Let’s have a look.

Go into the stillness of the silence, and see ask what happens to these worms that are dropped into our space.

What I feel is a thin, living organism pierce the illusion, as in it moves outside the illusion, and then it comes back. Then I feel the dull presence of the parasitic frequency of Deception at the left corner of the mouth. It is as if something is waking this parasite up. Are they feeding these white worms to the Parasite within – this being that looks like a prehistoric bird that is still in its foetal stage? I don’t buy that. Something more is going on here.


Zoom out and see the big picture. Why the white worms that they drop into us? Is it to weaken us or strengthen something else within us?

Take away the frequency layer of the spirit and body form that gives us our looks; our appearance, and crack open our template and see what is there. What if we the spirit and body form are one glorified parasite that knows of nothing else but to take? What is the frequency of The Parasitic Frequency of Deception has come to define us, as in this is our core structure. What if this truth is so incomprehensible to us that we refuse to acknowledge this core being of what we the spirit and body form are?


What if we are fed short, thick, white worms from those from the shadows to appease us the parasite that we are? It’s like giving an alcoholic a shot of vodka to settle them down and make them relax.


What if this is the truth?


Why do we always have to eat? Don’t tell me it’s for nutrition because that is absolute bullshit – there is no nutrition left in our food.

What if this parasite at the corner of the “mouth” of Consciousness is what we the spirit and body form are? Surely that makes a lot of sense. Surely if this want came over the illusion and defined it, then surely we are a representation of what the illusion is all about – a want; a me; a “I have to have;” a worm.   


At our core frequency that defines the spirit and body form – are we a parasitic frequency; a worm? – I would say a definite “yes” to that, which is absolutely fucking mind blowing.

How important do you feel now? How fast has our vanity been thrown out the window!


Oh boy.

Know what you are. Well, now you do. Release this parasitic frequency that define you and allow the Love that is Consciousness to take you over. This could never be done – this freedom from self to unfold into what we are, unless we knew what we are.


I am not a worm – a parasite. I am Consciousness. This what I am releases this worm frequency within that I am not – it is released with Love to Love by understanding our spirit and body frequency formed around the template that came to define the illusion, namely a worm. Your spirit and body represents what the illusion is – namely a take and want parasite, that can be seen at our core as a worm. These enlightened Beasts from the shadows understood this and fed the Parasite within which appeased us, which kept us complacent within the illusion.


Oh Wow. Never expected that!

This frequency that is my core that is a worm is no more.


So be it.

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Always understand the cause of a problem. When you know the cause, then the cat is out the bag, where it is released with Love to Love.


For the last few weeks my left Achilles tendon has been painful and swollen to the point where it causes me to limp. Obviously am missing the primary cause of the problem, otherwise the dilemma would have been resolved weeks ago.


So what is it?

Go into the stillness of the silence, and I go into my energy field and mine alone to make sure the issue is mine and not something I am picking up from somewhere else.

Nope, not on me, so it’s a universal/illusion factor that is affecting all. So what is it?

As soon as the question was asked, a small Serpent was felt leaving the left upper side of the neck – this is on the spirit level and Consciousness. But that is not the primary.

Now discomfort is felt on the outer side of the right ankle. Now I feel a parasite slide away from the right side of our spirit and Consciousness – it was like someone lifted a table up and this large worm slid away from us. What was there, hidden within the spirit, and no doubt affecting Consciousness, is no more. What this presence; this worm done, was create an unevenness within us, and please understand that the word “unevenness” is putting it mildly – our existence; the existence of Consciousness was thrown upside down, meaning no balance, and thus no peace.


Using the physical body as an analogy, we were weighed down on the right, squashing the right ankle and placing pressure there, and this shortening of the right side picked up the left side, placing a strain on the left Achilles tendon.

This problem was going nowhere until I understood our core parasitic/worm frequency within. Why I felt the imbalance causing pain to my body and you did not, I would say is because I asked to bring the problem out. If there is disharmony that affects us all that should not be, I want to know about it, and if I say “us all,” am referring to Consciousness.


If the left Achilles tendon is still sensitive tomorrow will know have to dig deeper, but am certain issue okay.

How will the removal of the core parasite/want frequency within touch you and me besides bringing an element of balance to the spirit, body and Consciousness?

In the stillness of the silence, on the level of Consciousness, one feels a pain on the “left side of the neck.” This pain was from the unnatural – from something that should not be in the presence of Consciousness. It is now no longer there. On the level of the spirit, the same pain is felt on left side of neck. Once again, it is no longer there. On the dense body form, one feels a movement of frequency energy around the left forearm, as well as the wrist and hand. This movement in this area, and then an absence of energy there, was what I felt on the spirit savants, meaning their limitlessness is now ours. From the body form go back to the spirit, and the same absence is felt there, as with Consciousness.


What this means is nothing is holding us back, where this trio can now touch the stars and play with them.

What was the pain in the neck on the level of the spirit and Consciousness? – It was the Reptilian frequency of the illusion that was within all through our association of the want of the Parasite of the illusion. Thus it is fair to say we were all closet Beasts – where we all had a Dark side to ourselves. We are free of this frequency and thus its Dark side, and for that I am thankful.


What else is there to learn and understand?

May the learning process be complete.

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There is nothing more I can say. Now it is for the house of cards to come a tumbling down. Why we aligned ourselves to Evil is beyond me – surely you are what you are, which is Love and integrity.

What makes sense, is in our lost state we became afraid, and others showed us the power that comes with flowing with the Reptilian frequency of the illusion. Believe you me, there is power there, and I say this because this frequency has come to flow through and define the illusion. But this power is a sick power, it is a cruel power, it is a power that comes from crushing the pure and innocent.


Anyway, your game is up buddies. How weak you were to take advantage of the innocent and believed that this made you powerful. You want power – real power – then give a helping hand to those that need it. See and know the power of Love, where you uplift your brothers and sisters that have had it rough.

To the evil out there: Your only power is not knowing yourself, because you are lost in the drunken state of chaos. By not knowing yourself, you think you are this Darkness that flows through you, but ask yourself what is this power; this Reptilian frequency?


What happens when you are uncertain – which is a kind of underlying nervous tension? What happens when you are uncertain, and you believe that if you can attain something that you want, and now you receive it – what happens to your uncertainty? The answer is that in that moment you are no longer uncertain, where uncertainty is replaced by an ecstatic state. That high in that moment, where there is no uncertainty, that is the foundation of the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, where now you know you are strong and powerful – because you are.

This power; this knowing, comes to define you, and now you will do anything and everything to hold onto this state, where it is passed from generation to generation, from culture to culture, and from world to world within the illusion.


But what is this power? – It is a relief from a state you do not wish to experience, because it is not nice to be fearful, lost and alone.


This we all understand, but the eternal fuck-up is happiness cannot be built on the unhappiness of others. Why did you not stand together to find a way out of this uncertainty, rather than find a temporary antidote to it that involved cruelty to the innocent? The answer is that IT WAS ABOUT ME, so fuck the rest. And that boys and girls was the primary cause of this illusion turning into a living Hell, where the “we” turned to “me.”

How many times have I been told to fuck off; how many times have I been called a cunt because I ask others to please consider me and family and not just themselves!


What will take us back to a “we” scenario, where we consider others and not just ourselves? I would say for us to no longer be uncertain. May that job be done, where Consciousness and the spirit understand what happened before the beginning of time that we all got into this mess.

When I say we must begin to walk Home, what I do in stillness is open myself up to infinite possibilities, but I know there is only so far I can go. What more is needed is the illusion needs to dismantle, where all we have come to know is no more. This I cannot do through the writings of a journal. What is needed is for the “me” to be no more, where there is now a “we.”


The other day I understood that a good five years ago I was already head below water drowning in the shit. Nothing has changed since then. I truly believe we are too far gone to help ourselves, and yet a simple act of kindness from all can rattle the illusion and destroy all that was bad and cruel. What I also believe is that I cannot do this alone. My friends the animals have walked with me and prevented me from dying of loneliness, but we have walked as far as we can go. Now we need to meet up with Consciousness in its true state, as well as a God of Love and a Creator.

I have done my bit, and now they can do theirs.  

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What never ceases to amaze me is the Beauty of the Female. From their womb the innocent are born, and this Creative force that they are is Beautiful.

The Beauty of the Male is the will to Create a homestead where the innocent can be nurtured. This Homestead is the “womb” that the Male creates where the innocent may grow and thrive.


Are children born within the spirit realm? I would say there was a time when there was only a spirit realm, with no dense body form realm. This was the era when those from the shadows never had wings to grow and become a force unto their own. It was a time of harmony; of an eternal balance that was the norm.


Know of this Beauty that you are and re-ignite it. I am not saying go forth and have children; what I am saying is be this Beauty that you are – allow it to shine. To Create is an expression of your Beauty, and to Be is more important than to Create, so Be what you are – this Beauty.


This Beauty defines you, but this is something we have forgotten, so as said, re-ignite it, and from there embrace it. This presence of what you are will nurture you and cast aside the fears within. Bring it forth, hold onto it, and make this Beauty your own that it has always been.

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Ever since my spirit made a conscious effort to dwell where few this side of the bridge have gone  – namely the place of shadows where Beasts  within the Reptilian frequency of the illusion dwell – what has come my way almost ten times out of ten during my sleep state were disharmonious entities.

In asking why is Life cruel, it only made sense to walk amongst the cruel to find the answers. What happened that these brother and sister spirits became these Beasts and embraced their new status?


What was experienced last night as my body form slept was something new. I felt a force sweep over all within the unseen – it was a palpable presence that flowed through the space of all.


If we talk about Love, how is this state tangibly felt? The answer is you cannot feeling anything that is real within an illusion unless you know what you are, meaning you have to become real.

When we the spirit understood we are Beauty, this for me was the pivotal point of the journal. In knowing what we are, we can naturally receive what we are, which is Love. It is like velcro and cotton – the two need each other to function as they should; to stick together.

From this Beauty that you are comes the Love that naturally fills your space. This is what I felt last night – this moving, all-encompassing presence that connected to all within the spirit realm. What this means, as in how it will influence us I cannot say – I merely write what I see and feel.


Sooner or later the old will crack and fall away to reveal the truth. What kept me going to find answers was that Love is a natural state. Keep picking away at the rock, and as you release the unnatural, the natural comes to the fore. That it has taken this long is testament to how low we have fallen, where the insane was seen as sane, and cruelty became a welcome part of our culture.

Sooner or later what was will no longer be, because what was, was unnatural. Take away the layers and what naturally is will rise to the surface. May this happen sooner than later, and if what was felt last night is anything to go by, this process is already underway.

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The problem with zooming out to see the big picture, is one forgets now and then to zoom in and look at oneself.

One should always look at the problems at large, but what is equally important is to come back home and touch base with yourself – how am I? Yesterday my wife asked me to check on my youngest daughter as her legs felt like they wanted to give way underneath her now and then. I zoomed out to see what the problem was because I am too close to her, so if I zoom in I will miss what is staring me in the face because she is already intertwined in my energy.

It felt like someone had taken her brain and put it in a microwave oven and turned the settings on high, where the brain started to shrink and loose shape from this frequency onslaught from the microwave oven.


What I felt was the bombardment of harmful frequencies that have been raining down on us from satellites, and this has been going on for at least fifty years.

By Consciousness  being aware of problems such as these, the disharmonious frequencies are broken and are no more, and the more harmony that grows within, the more disharmony can been detected and eliminated.


It’s all good and well to understand what disharmony satellites were pulsing at us from space, but as said earlier, what is vital is to know ourselves, as in what will make us happy. When Life is unfolding as it should, where the unnatural is no more, and the natural comes to the surface, what will make you happy?

Of course a natural peace will befall you as you look from your kitchen window onto the Beautiful garden outside, where what you see is truly remarkable, but what will make you happy? When the garden looks back at you, will the garden be seeing joy that will make it happy?


 I do not know you, so cannot speak on your behalf, but as for me, I feel that happiness is such a foreign state that if it bit me on the arse I still wouldn’t know it exists. I do not know how it feels to be permanently in a natural happy state.

So if you ask me what will make me happy; what will make me joyous, it will be to know and express these states that are unfamiliar to me. To sail the seas in my yacht or to give a dying person their freedom from disease, where they can once again live – sure, this will make me happy. But those are only moments – they are spikes on an unremarkable flat graph.

So in looking at ourselves, rather than focusing on the big, bad wolf out there, my suggestion is build a platform of permanent happiness rather than fleeting moments of happiness. How is this attained? It is by Consciousness knowing and being what it is, where it can see Disharmony before it even hits us, where this Disharmony is no more, and what this means in simple English is what we are can naturally shine forth. By you Consciousness being you, this state ripples to the spirit and body form creating a permanent, natural state of Happiness for all.


Sounds great, but how does this elevate someone from the unpleasant job or Life setting they are in? When does one plus one equal two rather than chaos? I would say through understanding – through knowing what will make you happy. What you are – this Consciousness – in its natural state is happiness. This you have to understand so that you do not go out there to find your happiness, be it in a relationship, a job, or just being around nature.

When you are Consciousness in its natural state, then from this foundation of happiness you go out and experience moments around you, and these moments will not be fleeting as a permanent state of happiness is within you.


So the big question to ask is when is Consciousness in its natural state? This can be debated for hours, starting from the roots of being humble, to asking what understandings are needed, but let’s keep it simple.

Consciousness is in its natural state when you the spirit and body form see the Beauty around you that is you within. This morning saw two geese sitting on the neighbours roof – that was beautiful to behold. This morning this rabbit that I treated kept on licking my hands to thank me for helping it and those it loves – that was humbling and beautiful to behold.

And what about the shit around me, where were I stay I don’t belong? My response to such realistic and valid questions is understand Consciousness is guiding and will show the way. Understand that Disharmony has no place in our existence, so as it falls away, Happiness will reveal itself to you because it is within.


It all began with that speck of Light – this Consciousness. We were going nowhere until this representation of the Infinite that found itself trapped within an illusion – we the spirit and body form were going nowhere until this speck remembered what it was and from where it arose. It begins and ends with Consciousness finding itself and knowing itself. From there we the spirit and body form need to surrender to this natural force. Break down your walls because in the big picture we are not much – we are merely spectators on the back seat of the vehicle that is the illusion that is being driven by our Consciousness.


And how this illusion bent and buckled us and fucked us up! My advice is don’t try and do damage control because I feel we don’t have the capacity to do so. Throw open the gates and surrender to Consciousness. Your walking stick that will get through is your integrity – don’t ever let go of this.

Sit back and allow Consciousness to drive you the spirit and body form through the illusion. Don’t try and take control of the wheel because we never have, and never will be in control of something that is not real. Only Consciousness can control an illusion – this something that is you and I that is not real.

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There is more to the illusion than the Reptilian frequency, meaning beneath this frequency of “I do what I want when I want because I can” lies a toxin, and what this toxin is, is pure evil. The Reptilian frequency is one of indifference, where as long as I am okay that is all that matters, but this toxin that can be liked to puss within an inflamed abscess – this toxin is what keep the illusion a most unhealthy place. (This is the stink smell of the illusion.)


About a year or two back my spirit was taken to a place for another whipping. It found itself in a Victorian era, with men and women sitting in a lounge of sorts. The men had their long beards and single-eyed glasses, and the women were dressed for their high-tea.

The first thing that struck me about this setting was the skin of the occupants was a ghostly white, and the second unsettling observation was that all there remained motionless – nobody moved, not even blinked an eye.

Then the man who I was taken to stand next to suddenly shot out his arm and grabbed my forearm. As he held onto me, I felt the warm poison move from him into me the spirit, as well as my body form as it lay sleeping in bed.


That toxin; that poison from that disgusting Victorian spirit is one of the representations that oozes from the puss that is within the illusion that continually seeps to poison all within the illusion. Please understand that at the spring of this poison, this frequency that flows from there is something unknown to us – it goes beyond the word “toxic.”

Where did this ooze originate from? The answer is in one word – bitterness. Our bitterness towards the cruelty of Life, where we so often ask “How could you?!”

As long as this toxin is there and continues to touch all, we are going nowhere. This bile is removed with Love to Love, and on a frequency level it is stored within our intestinal area. By knowing it is there, remove it, and as soon as more is formed, Consciousness releases it with Love to Love.


On the top layer of milk is cream.

On the top layer of cruelty is this bitterness, where this bitterness is the after-taste of what is left within us when cruelty has left our space. This toxin remains and accumulates within us, and if I say it is evil, I say so because it is the by-product of cruelty. Now it poisons us, meaning what happened to us permanently remains. It is evil because purity cannot flourish in this environment. I often wonder why there is not a natural Divine intervention. Could it be because this natural presence cannot manifest in the space of poison?


Understand that Love is not enough here in the illusion. This place is unnatural, so one needs understanding to remove what we came to see as the norm. Love and understanding will transform this place and us – Love on its own is not enough because it is in unfamiliar territory, but having said that, the more Consciousness shines and expresses itself, the more may it know a wrong when it sees it to make this wrong right.

Through understanding, where this toxin was – both within us and its river within the illusion – this toxin of bitterness is no more. Where it was is Love.


Give your System, and that of the illusion time to heal, and from there may they flourish to once again welcome Divine intervention.

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Over the last week or so, whenever I had finished my supper, I felt an urge to eat more, so would get up and eat a slice of bread with whatever there was to put on it. I wondered if this was because the meal I ate was not sufficient to fill me, or maybe I was becoming a guts.


Last night my spirit found itself in a large, dark, indoor area. It had the feel of an indoor bath area, something that would be found in Roman times. Something far in the back of my mind gave me the impression I was here to learn about gluttony – this was one of the deadly sins I was to understand.

As I was walking around this place, this Indian lady stopped and talked to me. She came from where I was going, and she told me how to do what was needed to be done. This lady had obviously failed in whatever it was she done, showing me the small, round, black marks that were imbedded in her skin. What was projected into her was horrific, where the consequences thereof were there to stay for a long time.


What makes you a slave? What keeps you in this Game; this System? The answer is an unspoken agreement that we are not perfect, so we are here to learn lessons and better ourselves. Grow my children – grow. There is much to be understood, so we are here to grow.


That theme, of learning, because we know nothing, is the backbone of the Game of Life. We are here to learn and grow.


There is just one small catch to that built in programme that defines us and makes up our psyche, and what that catch is, is one needs to read the fine print on the clause.

What the fine print will tell you, is should you fuck up, you get punished – so don’t fuck up!

Please understand that we are not learnt how to grow – we are not taught understanding, and the reason for this, is we are to be kept within this illusion. Never is the spirit in the spirit realm told that this is a hallway of smoke and mirrors; that this spirit realm is an illusion, and beyond this realm the real Home of the Infinite awaits us.

Never is the spirit told this, meaning those exalted ones there are either as thick as two planks, or they are in on the Game of keeping the spirits in this cycle of learning to grow until there is nothing more to learn.


There is nothing to learn – all we have to do is get the fuck out of this place.


Where my spirit found itself last night is testament to what is being said.

“The fault is with me – I have to stop being a glutton.” How do I stop being a glutton? – By being punished for my sins. Go and get a good hiding so you can once again be a good girl and boy scout.


Please understand that this “need to learn,” where we are born over and over again – this is ingrained within us, and this is the chain that holds us strapped to the illusion.

Where is this chain; this frequency within our forms? The answer is it is built into Consciousness, and from Consciousness this “know your place and behave” frequency emanates to the spirit and body form. This piece-of-shit frequency is removed from Consciousness and our forms now, and this sets us free from the walls of learning that is this farce called the illusion.


So be it.

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So to where was my spirit taken to last night? Well, it was a first, and after the whole incident was over, had to pause for a moment and just confirm what had happened. (And don’t laugh, because what I saw was real. I write about what I see.)


Last night as my body lay in bed sleeping my spirit went to an event that concerned the welfare of the dense physical realm of planet Earth. There I saw the spirit of Donald Trump. Together with those around him, he was going to drop a massive sting operation.


What I am saying, is the seen and unseen realms of planet Earth are in good hands. Goodness will return to all here.


Here on this planet, Joe Biden was executed a few years ago at Gitmo. As was Elon Musk and many other consorts. Who you see now on the world stage are actors, and what has been shown and said to the public by them is a show to deceive and throw off guard the public while the cabal is destroyed from within.

I know nothing, and have always known nothing, but what has just been said I know to be the truth.


The villains being executed and replaced by actors while the traitors are flushed out and exposed here in our realm has been known about for some time, but never for the life of me would I have thought this would be confirmed by those in the spirit realm. That is remarkable, and it took a while to get my head around what my spirit saw last night.


That’s the good news – that this world in the seen and unseen are in the hands of the Good. The days of egomaniacs and scum and filth have come to an end, where their power is no more. In their place will be good men and women that have integrity and values, as will their children and theirs.


I am not a politician, nor did I have a vested interest in this planet in the seen and unseen. My beef was with the illusion and Consciousness, because unless something drastic happened to them, we were going to fall into a bad place. We have always fallen, but this final drop would have been catastrophic.

Has this been averted? – I don’t know. What I do know is I have done my best and that is good enough for me.


Now for Steven it is about Steven. It has been an awful ride, and I have had enough. If there is ever a time that Consciousness needs to shine in its full glory, it would be about now. This little runt needs to come to the party and merely be because my spirit and body form have had enough. That’s the bad news.

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What happened to the Beautiful, enlightened being when the shift within them went from “we” to “me?”


With “me,” what is vital is that I am kept happy 24/7, 365. Everything is done to conserve me, meaning all roads paved forwards from here are for me, where everything is done to ensure my happiness prevails. Always we look to the future, where we cannot wait for the next high that is there for me.

Understand that nothing else comes into this realm but me. Sure, others pop in now and then, but always they are there for me – to make me happy; for me to get something out of them; for me to see them, where I see me, confirming that this “me” is okay because they look okay.

Understand that everything is done to make sure the party rocks non-stop, where this equilibrium of “me” and my happiness is met.


But the reality of this “me” is not possible, as others are around us, and in walking through Life, our path is crossed and shared with others. From here the foundation of cruelty sets in, where I don’t care about you – it’s about me. To hold onto this “me,” what happens to you is irrelevant, because there is only a “me.”


In the presence of the Infinite, how far do you think we would have gotten with this attitude? Can such an attitude exist within the Infinite? – I think not.

What backed this “me” belief was the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, where anything goes – just don’t get caught out. Now this me can soar, where there is no limit to what I can do for myself at the expense of others.

The double-win was Consciousness became lost unto itself and the Infinite, so now there was no conscience to be our guide as in what we can and cannot do.


Yet let’s be realistic when we say that we were aware that something changed within us – what we were, is no more. So we fooled ourselves that everything was okay when we knew it was not, and we fooled ourselves was by focusing on ourselves – how am I; am I okay, and if not, what can be done to make sure I am okay?

The answer to this uneasy feeling within was to focus more on ourselves – what more can I do for me to make me happy?


What we did not understand was happening to us, was we had fallen – fallen further and further from the Love that we are. Instead of being at first base now we were at fourth base, so pump up the volume and let’s party harder to fool ourselves that we are okay, and if we are not, our secret weapon was the focus of me on me, where my best friend is me, as I always look after me.


That mindset is embraced and owned by so many out there, and understand it is taken to the extreme, where at all costs, regardless of anything around me, I have to be okay. Can you see and understand how far off this attitude is from what we naturally are.


What has happened now, with Consciousness awakening to itself, is now a Light has shone on who and what we have become. This stops the party dead in its tracks, where we understand our good times have been there to hide the rot that we have become. Now we see there are no good times, that these moments have been there to escape the reality of what we have become at our core – which is a savage Beast.

How these Beasts will be able to look at themselves in the mirror to make their wrongs right is not my business, as only they can undo what they allowed themselves to become.

That is why this illusion is such a lonely place – it has been about “me” at the expense of others, meaning I don’t want to see or know you, where I am reminded what I have become at your expense.


With Consciousness taking to the wheel, please understand there has to be an initial “me,” as in how am I, because if I fall, I am of little use to the “we.” Look after yourself, because ten to one nobody will look after you because they are too busy trying to look after themselves. This we understand, but remember what has changed between now and then is Consciousness is there for you the spirit and body form. There is no greater joy than seeing the joy of others, and believe you me, others feel the same way about you, where there is no greater joy than seeing the joy in you. So be happy, and from there draw happiness to you, and from there sow these seeds to the “we.”

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When Consciousness entered the illusion it looked without. What it saw was a Beautiful playground. Then things began to go wrong, where this want – this curiosity – began to take it over. What more is there here that is not already within the Infinite?

This curiosity formed into a confusion, because what Consciousness wanted could never be attained – there was this bottomless hole that could not be satiated.


So what would you do if you were in the shoes of Consciousness? You would begin to learn so that you may understand. And so it was that what was without, as in the illusion, Consciousness took it all within, so that it may learn how to solve this want within. And so we began to learn.


You cannot solve a problem with the same level of intelligence that created the problem, meaning you cannot find a way out of the illusion as long as you are within the illusion. And where is the illusion? – It is within Consciousness, because everything that it saw that was without when it entered the illusion, Consciousness took within to understand this place and its want.


And so it is, that as Consciousness is within you the spirit and body form, so too is the illusion and all in the seen and unseen of the illusion is within you, because it is in Consciousness.


As I held onto my sanity last night trying to fall asleep as the music from neighbours filled my home, I wondered why help never comes our way – why not from a kind neighbour or from the Infinite? And then this morning just before I woke up, felt that we had to go without the illusion to see what is within the illusion we are missing.

But then I understood that one does not have to go without the illusion, one has to go where we haven’t been before, and that is within Consciousness. That was when a whole new world of understanding revealed itself. The first thing I felt was this being in a round enclosed space, and there was the loneliness that is within all. Consciousness is alone because it is not Home. It could have been my imagination, where I saw the silhoutte of a rabbits ears, and from there, everything that was without in the illusion Consciousness took within – so that it may learn how to solve this want state. From its need to learn came ours, where always the school is never closed – from one lifetime to the next.


What Consciousness needs to do is remove all that it has learnt from its space – what is within once again goes without. Now it is Consciousness with itself. From there it knows itself – that it is everything; there is no want to need to understand because Consciousness is, will be, and has ever been – EVERYTHING.


Talk about short-changing itself.


My goodness, and that is the saddest story ever told, where we forgot what we are because we thought we were more. This illusion fucked us that is Consciousness up. There is nothing here my friend, as this is an illusion – it is not real. You are real, so throw away the illusion and stand independent in the might that you are.

When shop has been cleared; where what is within Consciousness once again goes without, that is when Consciousness may merely be.

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Last night as I slept, it was not so much an implanted dream, but more an exercise by those entities around me to bring forth what they never knew existed and had only heard about.


The setting was a large banquet hall. There my spirit found itself seated next to a female I knew years ago. In the one scene I was talking to her. Then in the next scene I saw her eating a steak. She said it was the largest steak she had ever eaten, and showed me that it was still a bit raw in the middle. In the next scene we found ourselves lying in bed, with our backs to each other, and I had my hand on her backside. From there we turned around and kissed, and please understand what was felt was not the cheap thrill of the lust of teeny-boppers – when we kissed it was a sensation of completeness; a feeling you cannot really top within the illusion.


That whole episode with me and that female was orchestrated by entities that were around me as my body lay in bed sleeping. When it was over, my spirit was cognitive to those around me. There were two of them, but my focus was on the one driving the whole expedition, which was a lady. She looked Human, and she never looked old, but when she opened her mouth her teeth gave away her age. She must have walked for thousands of years within the unseen realms of the illusion.


When my spirit kissed the other spirit, as said, there was a sensation of completeness, where what we wanted we had attained. At that moment, the genie came out of the lamp, where what was brought forth from my Consciousness was the parasitic frequency of Deception.

The ones who performed the exercise on me, you should have seen the look on this ladies face as this parasite was brought forth through the completeness of my want being satiated – it was a look of bewilderment and awe, where from nothing came forth this everything; this parasite that had come to define the illusion. My spirit saw what she saw, where I saw the parasite that was within my Consciousness and yours. It looked like a prehistoric bird that had not fully developed from its foetal stage.


How do we get rid of the parasite, or a different question with the same outcome, is how does Consciousness merely be?

Obviously we have to know it exists – and it is there, together with Consciousness within all Life in the seen and unseen of the illusion.


I Love my animals, not so much because they Love me, but more because when I express my Love to them, these are moments of fulfillment, where I can just let go and reveal innocence and joy because I know my Love is safe with them, where I don’t give only to get hurt, but I give and it is safe to give.

With the animals I express the Love that I am. This Love is great, but it means nothing in the grand scheme of things, and this is so because we have missed one step, and what that step is, is we have to go back to basics.


When we express Love, we are feeding the parasite within, because I want to Love you because this is who and what I am, and this Love is Beautiful. That is true, but the reality is this Love fades away into nothing as soon as it is released, and that is why I have to keep on telling my animals over and over again that I Love them – always I have to express my Love for them because this Love is never a constant. And why this is so, is because we have to go back a step before we can express Love, where we first and foremost be Love.


As Beautiful as this parasite within us is, I do not want to feed a parasite – I do not want to be in a constant state of want, rather I choose to merely be what I am.

Take away the want of the parasite, where you want, and when you attain your want, you are complete, only to commence the whole cycle over and over again ad infinity. What is beyond this want? This want; this parasite within you, arose from the curiosity of Consciousness as to what else is within the illusion that is not in the Infinite. There is nothing wrong with being curious, but there is everything wrong with being in a place where we don’t belong. We overstayed our welcome within the illusion, where it was more important for Consciousness to understand this want than return Home, where to learn to understand became an obsession, and before Consciousness knew it, this want took it over, where to attain and understand the want within us became everything. From there, things turned ugly, where not only do I want, but I want what you want, so what you have is mine – I don’t need it, but I want it. From there the rivers of blood began to flow and the Beast that is you and I was born.


Want nothing, and the parasite is no more. Know of this living parasite that creates a want within us, and be to it what you are, which is Consciousness in its pure state which is Love.

The trick here is to merely be Love. We have done our best to express this Love that we are, and have gotten our teeth kicked in for our efforts, so stop doing what you have always done. Go back to the step that we have missed, where you merely be what you are.


Beyond the veil of the illusion is the Infinite. This is Home, and here there does not exist a want – here you merely be. To get from the illusion to the Infinite, be in the illusion what you naturally are in the Infinite. Merely be.

It is said that the truth is simplistic, and one doesn’t get more simple that that. You want to go Home, then just be what you are. Do not do anything but be the Consciousness that you are.


Amen to that!

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It is not often that I have to see a horse for two treatments – in most cases one is suffice. Yesterday I saw a horse for the second time, and next week will be my third treatment session with her.

This horse is about three years old. She was ridden when she was too young, meaning her skeleton still needed to find itself before weight could be put on her back. She was also ridden with a saddle that hurt her, where every step she took was to work around the pain in her muscles from the ill-fitting saddle. And the third aspect was they rode her incorrectly, where they pulled her neck in too tightly. That disastrous mix was coupled with the cruelty they lay on her, where there was no space for kindness, rather you will do what I say.


When I saw the horse, obviously there were physical problems, but what I soon came to understand was that her physical, mental and emotional onslaught stuffed up the neural pathway of her brain. The proper neural pathway and impulses within her brain could not fathom what was going on at all levels, so the hard drive/brain function ceased to work as it should.

Fix the brain to function as it should by knowing there is a problem there that should not be, and the brain supply to the body can once again function and restore health.


And so too is it with the illusion, where what it was became no more thanks to the lost and altered state of Consciousness.

When Consciousness entered the illusion, we can liken this to Consciousness being “plugged” into a simulation playground. As Consciousness changed from the parasite within, as well as the betrayal it felt from the beings around it, and its imagined betrayal (where it felt the Infinite abandoned it,) what happened was the illusion also changed, hence the fall of the illusion to denser and denser states. The illusion fell with Consciousness as Consciousness was plugged into the illusion.

We have done our best to understand Consciousness and return it to what it was, but we have missed one vital element, namely Consciousness being plugged into an illusion that is in a disharmonious state – the illusion must return to the way Queen Semiramis created/imagined it to be so that we may be harmonious, as we are plugged into the illusion.


My left Achilles tendon has been painful for a few weeks now. Everything I done to heal it never worked. Now I understand why – the problem is not with me, but with the illusion, where Consciousness and the illusion are not compatible. In this incompatibility something has to give, and this is the pain I am feeling in my body.


Last night as I slept my spirit saw a cooking competition that was played out in a busy restaurant. You cannot believe the burgers and ribs these chefs cooked up – their food was outstanding. My spirit then pulled out of this spectator state, and I turned around in bed to see who had implanted the dream. But this was not an implanted dream to feed from my energy, rather my spirit was plugged into a reality in the seen realms where this cooking competition was taking place.

How do those Beasts from the shadows enter our space to play with our reality, where they access our subconscious mind to formulate a story/dream that we follow, where our attention to the dream releases energy which they feed from? The answer is they plug into our reality, and I would say they plug into our Consciousness, and from there into our reality.


This morning I understood we need to transform the illusion to what it initially was so that Consciousness may be plugged into a harmonious state, and from there it may return Home, otherwise the disharmonious state of the illusion will keep throwing Consciousness off centre.

What has happened between this morning and now is the pain has moved from my left Achilles tendon to my left hip, and this tells us we are moving towards the primary problem within the illusion. Fix that, and a harmonious Consciousness can plug into a harmonious illusion, which will elevate Consciousness to what it was when the illusion was initially one with the Love of Queen Semiramis.


So where or what is the damage done to the illusion by the lost and confused state of Consciousness?

Heal the illusion, and the reverse happens, where as Consciousness and the illusion fell to denser and denser planes, now we can be elevated to less dense planes until we are where the illusion was intended to be.

Go into the stillness of the silence to find the primary problem within the illusion, and what you feel is nothing is there, as what was there is no more. Where there was a spark is now an empty, flat cell.

And that is what I thought – Consciousness wants to plug into the illusion and return to where it and the illusion should be, but the battery that is the illusion is flat. Why this is so is I suppose from the illusion falling to a state where it forgot what should naturally be.


How do we jump-start the illusion so that, together with Consciousness, the two may return to what they were when they entered the illusion for the first time? (At the beginning of the illusion, Consciousness may have entered and departed the illusion a few times, until the dense and lost state of Consciousness prevented it from departing the illusion.)

It is not so much the illusion we need to alter, but rather the base foundation of the illusion, which is an altered state of the Infinite.

Deep within the spirit and Consciousness is the Infinite, and this is so because you cannot hide or eliminate what is real. Take away the layers and all that is left is what is real, but to take the layers away, we need to bring forth what is real within us to jump-start the illusion. This is done now, where with Consciousness being plugged into this simulation playground that is the illusion, Consciousness releases the spark that is the Infinite within us. This spark activates and returns the Life; the “I” to the base foundation of the illusion that was an altered state of the Infinite.


Consciousness in its true state is one with the Infinite. To create the illusion, Queen Semiramis took the “I” out of a portion of the Infinite, this “I” being the “I am the one and only true God…….” From this, the base foundation of the illusion was built upon, wherein the illusionary hologram was projected.

This base foundation of the Infinite with the might/”I” of the Infinite removed still knew what it was in those early days, but as Consciousness became lost, so too did this base foundation until it forgot itself completely – and this is where we are now, where the illusion is flat, as in nothing there, because this base foundation is flat, where like Consciousness it has forgotten itself.


This is what we have all missed, and this is why help has never come our way when we asked for it: It was because Consciousness and the illusion (this base state, and not the holographic projection) forgot who and what they were.”


The spark is the return of the “I” to the base foundation of the illusion. When the “I” was removed, it was to create the base foundation within which the illusion could be projected. This base foundation dropped to denser planes by Consciousness, until like Consciousness, it forgot who and what it was. To ignite the illusion, one has to ignite the base foundation on which the illusion was projected, and this has been done now. Now the illusion is energized, and from here Consciousness and the illusion return to the state where the illusion was just created and Consciousness becomes “plugged” into this simulation playground.


We go back to this innocent and pure state of Consciousness and the base foundation of the illusion, and we pass on to them what happened – as in what has happened between their initial entry into the illusion and now, and these layers that are within Consciousness and the illusion of all that has happened is removed by Consciousness and the illusion seeing what did happen what should not have been.

Now the two of them are on a self-regulatory path to what should be, removing the layers as they become less dense, until all that is left is Consciousness in its true state. From there the illusion is no more, and in its state of oneness with the Infinite, all is as it should have been and will be so forever more.


So be it.



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On the level of the spirit, always was there felt a control panel of sorts within the frequency layers of the left forearm. This “control panel” was no doubt in Consciousness, and from the spirit would no doubt touch the dense body form.

I always knew something was there in the left forearm, but never had specifics as to what it was.


Earlier on when went into the space of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia, this huge Serpent was felt wrapped in her left forearm. So what I have always felt – what I always thought was a control panel – was actually the frequency state of the illusion in which we found ourselves. So in a way I was correct, as what was there was the frequency of the illusion which controlled us through its limited state. That Serpent in Sophia was the Reptilian frequency that came to rule over all within the illusion.


The frequency that was within Consciousness, the spirit and dense body form is no longer there, meaning we have risen above it where we are now in a less dense frequency. And from there we become less and less dense with each passing moment until eventually there are no frequencies, where the Infinite is all that there is.

What this means – this elevation from where we were – is we have risen above from where we were, and that for me is wonderful.

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Two nights back saw during my sleep state how the spirit entered a less dense realm. What I saw waiting for us were beings who were defensive – as in uncertain of what had just entered their space.

Last night as I closed my eyes to sleep saw someone dressed in what looked like a space-suit walking around me. Fell asleep and this morning felt as if I had been pushed through a sausage-making machine sideways.  


What is going on I don’t know. That we are being helped by those in this less dense realm I would say “yes.”

What a less dense realm is to the one we have known I cannot say. It is not another world – maybe it is a place where there is less Disharmony.


What is important for me is that the ball has rolled, meaning we are out of our stagnancy of what we saw and knew around us as being the norm, which was actually anything but. Surely we can only get stronger and happier from here.

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Yesterday I said something that surprised myself. I said that within a year from now I will see what we have become, and when we are this state of being, we will look back at what we went through to get where we are, and we will say it was all worth it.


That is a remarkable statement to make, considering the hell we have endured from the seen and unseen realms.


Now when I sleep at night time my spirit sleeps as well. It woke up some time during the night to see a strange looking little boy laughing at me. The adult that was watching over my spirit shooed this boy away.

What did he find humorous? – I would say we look strange to these beings from this less dense realm, just as they look strange to us, but I believe the true essence of the belly-laughter is our state of exhaustion, where the spirit is decimated and ruined. The driver of the spirit – Consciousness – is returning to the Mammoth that it was, but the vehicle/spirit is truly fucked up.


To us the body form, do not react to the insanity around you, because when you react you get drawn into a fight – where you become insane to meet the insanity around you. Put so much as a toe into the river of Life and you get pulled in and swept down with the current.

Never react to the river flowing beneath you, as only insanity can try and make sense of insanity. This is no place for the sane. Keep your feet/integrity on the ground and your head/Consciousness in the clouds of the Infinite. That way we can move forwards until we reach the point where we can say it was all worth it to return to where we naturally belong.

Wow, what a day that will be.

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When Consciousness become lost, where it forgot itself, where it had to remember what it was, what did it lose that it became lost? The answer is Consciousness lost its innocence, and in doing so, forgot itself.

This innocence, this “protective” layer that nourished and fed Consciousness – this is returned to it now.


That was the beginning of the end of Consciousness, where instead of naturally being, it stepped out of its comfort zone to try and pacify this need to understand this want within. “I am in this illusion, and what more is there here that is not within my Home?” How could such an innocent question lead to such destruction, where the innocence that is Consciousness that is the Infinite forgot itself?


When Consciousness entered the illusion it looked without itself. What is here that is not already within the Infinite? To answer the question, Consciousness took everything that is without, as in the illusion, and took it within. Now the focus was to see what is here that is not already within the Infinite. There was nothing wrong with such a question, but what happened was the state of being was replaced by a focus of attention to the illusion, meaning Consciousness forgot of the Infinite within.

It walked down a path instead of standing on a hill and seeing all and being the hill. A simple distraction led Consciousness down a path and forgot its way back to what it was. It tried to find its way back and got as far as the base foundation of the illusion, this Infinite with the “I” removed. What this “I” was, was the spark of Consciousness, and another word for “spark” is innocence.


This innocence is returned to Consciousness now as we understand what it lost.

So be it.

Now the natural, effortless rise to where we belong – for Consciousness and the illusion – may commence.

9:49 PM 11th June, 2023

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What is left now is the mind. This is the pleaser (wants to be likeable to others,) and it is that within us which is pleased. The mind gives us those aaaaaaaah moments, be it from seeing a beautiful sunset or scoring that cheeseburger and chips. The other side of the coin is it always rationalizes the us versus them, where I am right and you are an inbecile.

When that thought pops up now and then, you will understand that this was you, and my goodness, what a long way you have come from that software programme that lived for the chemical/endorphin high of the biological computer and the less dense spirit. From living in the thoughts to the heart energy field is a comparison that cannot be described in words.


Last week helped this guy that I have known for some years now. He asked me to help his brother that was for years having problems with his left foot. A part of it was amputated, and always was there an issue with the foot. On this guy’s spirit there was no left foot, and the body form was catching up to that, where bit by bit they would have chopped off more and more of his foot. This phenomena would have stayed with him for lifetimes, where always he would be absent a left foot. The primary was from a blockage within the spirits head region, and when this was released life came back into the left lower leg and foot.

I told Gavin that he can give me a bottle of wine when he sees me as payment for his brother. I needed the money, but I wanted him to know that not everything in life is about money, that somewhere there is still a thing called being Human.


It is a “dirty” world out there, where many are confused to the point where they are evil. As we lived amongst that filth, we felt on some level that this must touch us, where how is it possible to be pure in an imperfect illusion? Surely there must be something wrong with us as well? My answer to that question is know what you are, and from there do your best to be what you are, and this involves knowing the mind when it pops up and you know this is not you. And always strive to draw to you an expression of what you are. As I sit here on the couch writing these words you cannot believe the noise from the morning traffic that fills this room. It is unbelievable, and this is not me, where I choose Beauty and silence.

Know what you are, and draw this towards you, so what is within may be naturally expressed without.


Some big questions have been answered in this journal, but there is one that remains unanswered, namely who is the author of the journal? It is not me, because when I say I know nothing, I am not being modest – I know nothing. What I have is the will to find a way back Home no matter what. I have known my limits, where within me there was a possibility of not making it, as there is only so much I can take, so always I understood that this possibility can become a reality at any moment.

It was The Wisdom Goddess Sophia who wrote this journal. The animals are the closest we can get to true Love within the illusion, and it was the animals that was the link between me and Sophia. Their Love, and the Love I have for them elevated me and allowed me to be touched by this fallen Creator. But this Love between me and the animals was not enough – what else was needed was a drive within me to understand the cruelty that we came to see as the norm. As long as we and our own are okay, then we are okay – what happens to others out there is irrelevant because we are okay. That attitude was the key that opened the floodgates to where anything goes, and the base foundation to this helter skelter existence was “it’s okay to be cruel.” Cruelty became a means to an  end to what we wanted, and what we wanted was to survive and experience the pleasures of Life. Nothing wrong with that – just don’t do it at the expense of others. Keep your self-respect/dignity/integrity, where from there you respect others. What a place this illusion would be if we just followed that principle, where I Love myself so I Love you, and ditto from you to me.

It was Sophia who wrote this journal.


Why the hurry; why the push to finish the journal, where my family, as well as my happiness and  health are pushed aside, where my focus is on nothing but the completion of this journal?

When I saw and felt the true state of the spirit, that is when I understood that we the spirit, as well as Consciousness, were literally disappearing. The forgetfulness of Consciousness as to what it was had severe repercussions to the spirit and the dense body form. Our next fall would have been where Consciousness completely forgot itself, where it would have been plugged into the Reptilian system of the illusion to keep Beasts ticking over, where they live for the blowjob and slaughter of the innocent. I am not being crude in talking like that -  I see these Beasts and what they demand from us the spirit, and believe you me, oral sex is a biggie in their existence. Where do we get our drives from, besides from our implanted software programmes – from them, making us the Beast as well. (This Beast within we tried our best to avoid, where we mostly lost the battle, and this was so because we never had the backing of Consciousness.)

By seeing our spirit and that of others, the spirit sees what it wants to see – it does not see what is there. What is there is an incomplete spirit, where as Consciousness forgot itself, a part of the spirit faded away, where it literally began to fade away. No doubt there must have been little left of my spirit, hence I feel this need to sleep for a thousand years so I can recuperate.

On the dense body level I would say we have lost the plot a long time ago. Where is our Beauty – where is our culture that takes our breath away that is fed to us from the spirit and Consciousness? Look at this woke shit in this world, and that is the final blow to destroy the understanding of what we are. How evil, cruel and stupid are those from the shadows that live for the orgasm and the destruction of others, where always there is a war of them versus us. All they want is to destroy Beauty so that they may not be reminded of what they were, as this would mean them going back and making the wrong that they are right. Luckily for them Consciousness fucked up by forgetting itself, so nobody was coming to slap them on the wrists, where these Beasts lost their conscience and there was no remorse on their part for what they done. On the dense body plane those that expressed the Beast just had one golden rule to follow – don’t get caught out. Otherwise do what you have always done.


Last week I began to get busy in seeing animals. Maybe this was just a flash in the pan, but personally I feel the cause was we the spirit and Consciousness are open to understand and return Home. People are starting to accept my help because they are willing to start walking Home. The door is no longer shut, and this is so because this Christ Consciousness within us is merely being what it is, and this is leading the way.

Does my getting busy state mark the end of this journal, where now I too can just be, where there is nothing more to understand? – I don’t know. When I see Beings of Love during my sleep state, that for me will mark the end of this journal, where these Beings are what they are. Years ago I saw Semiramis, where she showed herself in Human form, and later on in her true form, which was half Dragon half Serpent. Her presence was intoxicatingly beautiful, where one cannot help but bow down to it in awe, and yet beyond this Beauty was cruelty from her not understanding what happened to her beautiful illusionary Garden. May this understanding be there now. May she show herself now in the Beauty that she is, meaning Consciousness is what it is in its natural state.  That day will mark the end of the era of the Beast, because as Consciousness shines within them, they will have no choice but to see themselves. On that day they will weep.

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Last night as my body lay in bed sleeping, I found myself in a small room. To show that it was me in the room, I saw my car parked outside in a really small parking space with diamond-mesh fencing as the perimeter walls.

In this small room I let a hosepipe run with water in the corner of the carpeted floor. Then I saw a large pot plant, and something large beneath the soil moved and churned the soil. It was a bird that came up from the soil, and next to this bird was its young that had just been born that came up with it from somewhere deep within the soil. The two of them opened their beaks asking for food, and from there they were motionless.


Then I saw, I think it was three beings. They had a Human form and were sitting behind a long table. Their eyes were small, and the features of their face were indistinct. But it was their smell that captivated their presence. Their smell was an impenetrable wall that one could not pass through. They smelt like acid bitterness, and as my body lay in bed, it began to get ill from the effects of this smell that my spirit and Consciousness were experiencing. A minute in the presence of this smell and me the body form would be dead.

These beings just looked at me.


Before what we would call “time,” Consciousness has looked for a way back Home. Take away our comfort zones, and you stand alone in a sea of insanity. This is not a prediction, but a fact – a fact that comes more and more to the fore with each passing day.

It is not for me to climb into the character of others, where I note to them what they are, where their attempts at integrity and self-respect are unheard of to them, let alone attempted. To each their own, as my big friend Max taught me, and this I understand and apply, but where is the presence of Infinite Love? Where is help for the innocent? Why was Consciousness not helped again and again and again until a link was made between us in the illusion and the Infinite? This is the question to ask!


Those three beings that I saw last night sitting behind that table looking at me, you can pull up a chair and add me to the trio in a few lifetimes, where I too sit there filled with this acid bitterness.


Why were we never helped to the point where we are helped? You think this journal is out ticket out of here, but this is nothing compared to the efforts of Consciousness to return Home. Why did these fuckers from the Infinite never help Consciousness?

Go into the stillness of the silence, and from there into the space of Consciousness to find the answer, and from there into the illusion itself, and you feel this uneasiness around the left side of your ribcage. Yesterday morning felt the same pain, just it was more intense. So what it this we feel? – I haven’t got the foggiest idea. So what you do is heal this pain by knowing it is there, and from there see what happens.


What you feel as this pain is healed, is a clockwise rotation within the ribcage. Then this circular rotation stops, and you feel the flapping motion of large wings. That stops, and from the inner side of the left ribcage, what was there tries to extend upwards, only to fall back in on itself. Now a sharp, pin-point pain is felt over the right sole side of the left foot. It is felt as a bitterness of sorts. What is there at the left foot returns to the inner side of the left ribcage, where it once again reaches out to depart this space, only to once again fall.


Why did whatever that was there in the ribcage fall? These attempts to rise, only to fall, caused pain and bitterness to Consciousness. Why were its attempts to leave the illusion so “feeble,” where as soon as it tried it fell to where it was?

The answer is the proximity of its attempts to leave the illusion.


When the Christ Consciousness entered the illusion from the Infinite to come and bail us out, it has been mentioned how this group of Serpents attacked this Christ Consciousness and imprisoned it. This Man I have seen in his prison that was housed within these Serpents.

To make sure this rescue attempt doesn’t happen again by others, these Serpents pierced the illusion, meaning they pierced the base foundation of the illusion, which was Consciousness with the “I” removed, where Consciousness was “flattened” to make way for a holographic simulated projection that came to be the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis. This piercing was to emit our energy state, so that not enough may be accumulated, where we may rise above ourselves and merely be.

This we have come to understand, so what is the big deal – what is Consciousness still missing that it needs to understand?


What I feel now is the Infinite within me deep within the heart energy field. Now the circular motion is once again felt, and what this circular/rotational motion is, is a searching for the Infinite. In the ocean of the Infinite that is within the illusion, Consciousness could not see what was staring it in the face – and that is remarkable.

What this cut – this stab – done by those Serpents did, is it blinded Consciousness to itself, which is the Infinite.


Those Serpents never stabbed the illusion, they Stabbed Consciousness so that it may not see.

Again and again Consciousness tried to leave the illusion, and every time it failed, and with every failure a part of it was lost, so the energy that departed the illusion was not from the cut into the fabric of the illusion, but was rather lost through the despair of Consciousness never being able to go Home.


That pain felt on the left side of the ribcage tells us Consciousness could never leave the illusion because of the stabbing of those Serpents, but they never stabbed the illusion, they stabbed Consciousness so it could no longer see. Now we were Samson in the bible story, and through our despair we brought down the pillars that kept the illusion intact, meaning we lost energy until we could no longer “fly” Home.


Consciousness has never known it, but it has been blinded – literally. What it sees as normal is literally abnormal.


Now its sight is returned. Now it may see the ocean of the Infinite within and return Home.


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It was not so much the illusion that got us down, rather it was what we allowed ourselves to become. Take away the savage and this place is not so bad. What rattled us was our uncertainty – finding ourselves in a place where we didn’t belong. Now there was no anchor, no beacon to allow surety to plant itself within us. Now the wheels began to come loose, and the sure-fix answer to our dilemma was holding onto our integrity.


What you see in what I do and say is a representation of who I am. This flag that once stood proud within the wind soon meant nothing, where we couldn’t really care less what people thought of us, because we were okay, and that is all that mattered.


The illusion has touched all of us. What can we do about this?

Last night as I lay in bed it was understood that the flaw that was in the illusion and Semiramis, where a God of Love soon projected a twisted love, this flaw is in all of us, with I imagine few – if any – exceptions. So what I done was imagine myself enclosed in a clear droplet of purity. This presence bathed and nourished me, and within this presence was my flaws. Some flaws are built in by us the spirit and body form being manufactured to be a dumbed down slave, and other flaws were the by-products of what Life threw at us. My core belief is do unto others as you would have others do unto you, because with your integrity lost you are the savage, regardless of appearances or social standings.

I know I have faults, so the purpose of this clear, pure “droplet” within I lay was to bring them to the fore so they may be noted and removed.


As my body fell asleep in bed, my spirit and Consciousness were shown something by others. This was a first for a long time, where I could not remember what was passed onto us so that we may understand. When the episode was over, I saw the face of a white horse looking at me as I lay in bed sleeping.


I have always known there will be an end of the line, where at this end the old will be taken over by the new. There is only so much you and I can do, where from there Consciousness takes over and returns to its natural state by remembering who and where it is compared to where it should be.

If I have to, I will go on forever until Consciousness is Home, because this is our natural state – it is the norm to be Love with a deep, everlasting peace, where this is all we know as this is all we are.

Three days  back a huge wave from the sea of insanity all around me washed over me, and I was at the end of the road, where enough is enough, but the following morning it was understood how Consciousness was blinded. This final, huge wave was needed to rise above what few have come to understand – that Consciousness, the spirit, and we the body form were literally blinded to the Infinite that is everywhere.


Is another wave needed to uncover something else? Whatever comes my way now will be passed on through joy, happiness and laughter. Those lifetimes of grabbing onto truths in order to keep our sanity are over.  


It is one thing to understand, and truly we are thankful for what has been passed our way, but this understanding means nothing unless the transformation is visible to those that wished for it to be brought forth.

Something within me says we are at the end of the line, where now the baton is passed onto Consciousness to complete the race. Consciousness leads and we follow in its path.

If I have to carry on pushing, then I will, but what I feel in front of me is an empty space – this is no door to break down to uncover a truth. Now, for the first time in a long time, I sit back and wait to see what will happen next. What will Consciousness reveal to us? Remember to keep your side clean, where you bathe in this droplet of purity to clear from you what you are incapable of removing. I never remembered what happened to me last night because it had no significance to you, because it was my flaws being washed away and not yours, just as what will happen to you is between you and no one else.


And then, the biggest thing of all, is to play. We know to participate in an event, where we either win or lose, but we have forgotten how to play. Play, where the outcome is irrelevant. Play, because it is joyous to do so. Play to have fun, as this is an expression of who and what you are. You are a child of the Infinite, so do what children do – play.

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When finances allow, we go camping in the Magaliesburg mountains here in South Africa. The spot where we go to, they say the mountains are 2 billion, 3 million years old.

The last time I was there, you walk amongst the weather worn rock faces, and there you see the frequencies of the animals that used to be there sculptured into the rocks by their frequencies that remain there to this day. You see the lion, and you see lizards, but there is one animal that stood out like no other, where when I saw it, I knew that this was the unmistakable leader of them all.


During that time period, of billions of years ago, the animal that ruled/guided all was the chicken, or more specifically – the rooster.


Last night as I slept I saw a rooster looking at me.


In his book Animal Speak, Ted Andrews describes the rooster as a solar symbol, where every morning the sun resurrects itself, and the cock heralds this resurrection, and the cock also heralded Christ’s birth. Andrews said that the idea of spiritual vigilance was expanded upon in the 4th century as the belief arose that a cock would sing out when Judgment day arrived. He said that to the early gnostics, the cock was a major form of the god Abraxas, in whom light and darkness are both united and transcended.


This morning this lady whose horses I see a few times a year asked me for help with her one horse that was standing on three legs. When I went into the space of this horse, I felt that the core of its spirit was no more. A psychic attack would not do this, so what was happening to this horse was a transformation of its spirit. This is what I suspected would happen to all of us, where the baton has been passed from the old to make way for the new.

Now Life is unfolding as it should, where you and I have no control of the wheel. Now we are on auto-pilot, with Consciousness leading the way.


That is why the rooster showed itself to me last night – to show that we have entered the transcended stage.

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To imagine that there is not something bigger than us looking after us is unthinkable, as this would create a reality within us that we are alone, and in understanding this reality, it would be understood that there is no way forwards.

We all need help; we all need to know that we are looked after; that regardless of our sins, we are Loved by one greater than us.


I see this world, and the world of the unseen, and what I see is stupidity in all – including myself. Over the last few weeks I am afraid of this place – this world. I am scared because I know what is out there, in the seen and unseen, and it is not so much I am scared of what is out there, but rather that we face this horror alone.

How many are brave enough to accept this fact that we are alone?


To the fool; to the Beast; to the savage, that they are alone is a utopia, as who will challenge their most foul ways? Last night as I slept my spirit was taken to a world deep within the shadows. I saw these Beasts that captured these light entities, where these entities were a bright light and nothing else. These Beasts secured these beautiful light entities in a rolled up vine leaf. I told these Beasts their power was no more and to release these lights. And if I say “I,” it was my Consciousness. It is to this that is within you that is real that one must look and surrender your spirit and body form to. It was this Consciousness within who became lost and could not help us the spirit and body form, where now we were alone in a place where we don’t belong. Rise above yourself so you may know yourself, and in doing so, break the mould of what the beliefs of others have told you is real and right and wrong. All the answers are within you – just break the mould so they may be released.


There is a limit to what the spirit can endure before it breaks and disappears into nothing. These Beasts know this, and what they have that you don’t is the strength of the Reptilian frequency. In Beasts there is much power, but what is greater than their power is the understanding of what you are. This journal began with a question: “Why is Life so cruel?” The answer is Life is cruel because we were abandoned by the one that should have looked after us. Abandoned is not the right word – it was more that Consciousness became lost in this Beautiful playground that turned into a living Hell run by Beasts that tricked us all through deception. I always imagined the spirit needed understanding, but always it was this speck of Light within – this God-force from the Infinite.


You ask me what I want – I want to go Home where I belong, or put another away, to be what I am. That is all I ask, and let’s be honest in saying I am not asking for much.

This dude that I have called everything from a little runt to a fucker has come to the party, where it knows what it is and what happened that we ended up in this mess. It is being, and from there I ask that it express itself, and please understand that what it will show is the normal – not the paranormal.

How or when all of this ends I cannot say, where I feel it will end with a peace – an understanding that we are One with an Everything that is Beautiful. But before we get there, we will know that we are not alone. When you feel this, what you are feeling is Consciousness within you expressing itself, and that will be the beginning of the end of all that you ever imagined to be real, where you will know that what is within you is real and there is no other.

Never look to others – always look to yourself to discover what is real within you. The way forwards will not be a group activity – it will be a pathway that you walk alone, where you know that you are no longer alone.

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