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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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The implanted dream last night was of me standing outside a classroom. Two boys of about seven years old walked out of the classroom. The one boy physically attacked/bullied the other, and I approached the bully asking him what’s his game? I was surprised he spoke to me in English, as I expected the school to be a local school with the Afrikaans language.

My face was right against the face of this bully, and to express my anger towards him, I bit him on the nose.


Awoke from the implanted dream, and boy was it a fan-fare around me.


Over the weekend went looking for a strap for my watch as the old one broke. Went from shop to shop with no luck. One of the watch shops I went into sold watches anything from fifteen thousand dollars apiece. There were not many watches there, but what was there, was opulence.

Anyway, as I walked out the shop, this couple walked in, and their aura screamed “privilege,” where it was a given that one could go and shop for accessories that cost the price of a new car. (And good for them. Personally, I would rather take that money and see a part of the world I never knew existed than spend it on a watch.)


So as I woke up from the implanted dream, the elitist, orderly procession were standing next to the spirit and body of Steven as they lay in bed.

I saw the lady first, and never really looked at her partner. She had attractive, strong features – something you would imagine from a Middle Eastern princess. But two things stood out from her: The one was her aura of privilege, and the other was the pale blue colour of her skin that was indented into broad waves – her dress revealed her belly, and indentations were made about every inch into her body, giving her skin a wave appearance.


It was a hell of a formal affair, as if her and her partner were walking down the aisle to wed. She held her head high and was proud to be where she was – something you would expect to see from a bride on her special day.

I saw her looking proudly into the distance, and then she stopped to take a big blob of my energy that accumulated from me following the implanted dream. She ate, and then moved on, allowing the procession behind her to do the same.


If I had to guess, the spiders with their Human heads that came the previous night in my sleep state were maybe there to prepare for this event that was to come the following night, but I don’t know.


After that my spirit found itself in what felt like the inside of a roof. I felt really crappy, and was stumbling over from exhaustion. Went outside the roof and there was a small sand dune there that dipped into the sea. This sea had no real appeal, so went back into the roof.

Where I was, as in the roof and out at this dune, one could say, for example, I was in a north direction. Then I stumbled out of the roof a second time, I was, say, in a westerly direction, and there in the distance was my Home. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The sea was a deep blue sea, and the arched highway in the middle of the sea led to the place that I called Home.


Maybe there is no more a need to push to find the truth and Home, because a push is an unnatural action. Fair enough, I have had to push really hard over the last year to find a way out of the seen and unseen disharmonies that faced me, but now one stops pushing.

May this Love of the Infinite unfold as it should.

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When Consciousness pushed the Infinite away from it, as in “leave me alone because you betrayed me, as in you left me alone in the illusionary Garden,” there was a shift in Consciousness. Now the perfect crystal had a crack in it, and this led to uncertainty, which was the foundation of fear.

I felt this shear/push away as pain going down the left side of my neck.


But there was primarily somewhere else from where this shear arose that proved to be our literal undoing.


Yesterday this lady came to me for help. Before I met her, I felt this pain running down the right side of my neck. I was feeling what was within her spirit, where the pain was not physical, but there was more an obstruction on the spirit. Even when I met this lady to assist her, this pain was still there, and even now, the following day, it comes and goes.

This journal is called “What the Animals Taught Me – a journal of self-discovery,” but what I learnt yesterday was from a fellow Human being, and this is most appropriate, where a member of the same species taught me to put aside our rift where we Consciousness may once again be one.


I said that Consciousness felt the Infinite had betrayed it, and this is the truth, but this was not our primary taste of betrayal.  Where we initially felt this awful phenomena was amongst our own, where the want and take of the parasite within made the Serpent and Dragon turn against each other and themselves, where we lost the compassion and consideration for each other.

So rightly so, Consciousness felt betrayed by the other Consciousness’s within the illusionary Garden.

This, for me, was the primary betrayal that hurt and scarred Consciousness, creating a flaw/crack in the beautiful “crystal” that was Consciousness. Now we felt alone and vulnerable, and we projected this onto the Consciousness’s that came from the Infinite to bail us out, as in “leave me alone – you really hurt me – where were you when I needed you the most?” What we never understood, was we were expressing what our fellow states of Consciousness done to us upon the Infinite. This hurt we projected onto the Infinite, meaning our feeling of betrayal was not directly at the Infinite, but rather a projection of what we felt from the betrayal of our own.

Our primary sense of betrayal was from what we felt our own do to us, and this we projected to all and sundry, including the Infinite that came to bail us out of the illusion, and this created the gap/schism/pain that I felt on the left side of my neck, where we felt we were betrayed by all and sundry.

Now there was a separation from the Infinite, as well as from our fellow brothers and sisters that are Consciousness.


It took a Human, a fellow spirit to pass on this piece of the puzzle, and this is very telling, meaning let’s remove this scar/gap/betrayal frequency from our Consciousness so that we may once again all be one.

The classroom needs to once again become orderly, where there is unity and a sense of belonging once again in all, where the shism that was within Consciousness is no more.

Let’s do this now, where we remove the shism; the frequency of betrayal from Consciousness, and in doing so, we once again unite each other, as well as uniting ourselves with the Infinite that is our Home.


3rd May, 2023 (Happy birthday mom. May your spirit and where you are be transformed, where Consciousness within returns to its natural state.)

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When this original betrayal frequency was felt within Consciousness, for a moment I felt the impact this frequency had on Consciousness. What was felt was as if innocence was shocked, where millions of volts were suddenly flowing through Consciousness and distorting it in the process. The betrayal frequency created this shism within Consciousness, and this distorted flow has been there ever since, making Consciousness lost, where it forgot who it was and from where it arose i.e. where its Home is.


All this nonsense is removed now so we may naturally return to where we belong and what we are.

Open yourself up to once again receive, most notably, the Love from the Infinite, and be thankful for what you receive and who you are.


So be it.

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I suppose I will never know what it is like to destroy the weak and the innocent – to crush them further into their hopeless state.

How does it feel to destroy those you are meant to Love – those who Love you more than anything?

How does it feel to be cruel just because you can?


This state that I do not know, that I have experienced from total strangers, as well as those closest to me – I will never know of the adrenalin rush that flows through them when they are cruel time and time again.

Sure, I have had bad days, which is the rule rather than the exception, where I withdraw and one seldom sees a smile on my face or a living personality beneath my skin, but never did I lash out and feel it is my right to do to others what Life done to me. I was a wasted space that withdrew so deep into my shell one wondered if there was someone there within me, but never did I feel the urge to lash out to find some meaning of who I am and where I belong.


To those that are so cruel, I will never know you, because I refuse to be touched by the cruelty of Life to the point where I become cruel. I will never be normal in this abnormal world, because what I see I don’t like, and thus have no intention of becoming that.

You had to try really hard to get a smile on my face or make me laugh, and that was because I was drowning in this sea of Life. I witness those around me that attack and are cruel, and they do this because cruelty is what defines them.


I will never know you because I refuse to become like you.

Life buckled you, just as it did me, so what differed between the two of us, where you became cruel and I didn’t? That is one question I cannot answer. Maybe I valued my integrity above all else and refused to let it go, knowing that should I let it go, I would truly be lost forever. Where I was, in my lost and lonely state, there was still a chance of getting out of this mess, but I knew if I let go and embraced the System where the System became me, that I would become just another brick in the wall that defined and made up the illusion.


To all those bricks; to all those that are cruel that forsook their dignity to become like everyone else – I will never know you as I could never sink to your depths where I destroy the last remnants of good and beauty within the illusion.

What will you do when you have broken everything; when there is no more innocence and purity to taint? That day is upon us, as one by one we buckle to the System as it reaches its goal of dropping us to our knees, and from there we fall. Now there is no tantrum to throw as there is no one to bear witness to your most foul deeds.


“Well Steven, what you don’t understand is I am master of the hill. I make them fall, and from there keep them in servitude, where they have no option but to look to me for salvation.”


The spirit is remarkably resilient, where we go beyond what stares us in the face, and this is so because we have the strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness within us. This Consciousness is our Light, even in its distorted state, and this kept us going. But I assure you that many have fallen, where this Light becomes no more, where they end up in The Nothingness of the Forgotten.

So your strength; your might, is seeing the weak before you that you have broken. Their loss is your gain, meaning you are strong and they are weak, and this separation from the herd is what defines you and rewards you for throwing your kindness and compassion to the wind. You need the broken to remain broken as they define you, so you hit harder and you never stop, making sure this bridge is between you and the broken, as this is your survival in this bottomless pit into which you have climbed into.


This I understand, as do you.

What you don’t understand, is with each blow; with each gleeful joy of seeing the innocent destroyed, you drift further and further from yourself, where you forget what kindness and compassion brings to you – that these states actually define you. You do not see what you are becoming as you keep the divide between you and those you shame.


Well now I show you me, in my lost and lonely state. I have nothing, except being surrounded by the inconsiderate and cruel. As I stand now is how I have stood for lifetimes.

And there you are – these ones that I will never truly understand as I refuse to become them. What do you have in this illusion, where all that is real is this Light of Godness within? Do you still have a Light, or are you just a faded space in an illusion?


We have all been lost. We have all been touched by the cruelty of Life.


This never gave us the right to be cruel in return.

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Is it wrong of me to want nothing to do with the illusion?

How is it possible to be happy here when this state has never been truly known? Sure, my life has not been all doom and gloom. The kicker is when you are happy, you know you are in this state for a limited time period before you are once again in the trenches surviving. Our happiness has never been an infinite state, and thus true happiness has never been known to us.


So if I say that I want nothing to do with the illusion, it is because I never received happiness from this place. I am not spiting myself, it is just that I would like to move on.

So what would you like Steven? What I would like is to be left alone – to be away from the chaos, knowing that the chaos is no longer touching the innocent. That is what I would like, and if I say alone, I mean alone, as in just me with me. I would like to spend time with myself, where I am just myself – one who is no longer touched by the cruelty of Life.


That is what I truly wish for – to be left alone. May this happen, because I have had enough of this place.

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Went as far as I could for the we; the collective; for everyone else out there. For self-preservation have to consolidate my energy to focus on the me. Am at the end of my tether, and thus need me to be with me. That is what it means to be alone, where you go within and ask yourself if you are okay. If not, draw to you within this illusion what is an expression of you the unique spirit and body form. Look after yourself first, meaning be and express what you naturally are, otherwise you won’t make it.


Those you associate with have an influence on you, where by mingling with them what they are rub off on you.

Unknowingly, we have mingled with Beasts from the shadows, and they have tainted us, passing on a Dark side to all of us. Throw this piece of shit into oblivion so that your Consciousness may naturally shine as a whole.


Have fun.

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A good eight months ago had this pull within me to return to Nature – not just for a visit, but to stay.

What is Nature? – It is peace; it is the stillness of the silence.


When I sleep now the intent is to connect the spirit and body form to Consciousness.

Somewhere last night as I slept, for a moment saw a representation of Consciousness. What I saw was a state that was pitch-black, which represents the colour of uncertainty. I asked Consciousness what it would take to remove this Uncertainty, and the answer was silence – what one would call the true calling of Nature.


Where I am staying, this silence is not going to happen, and that is why, ever since moving here, have felt like a fish out of water.


So what do we do? What can be done? From my side have tried all I can, relying on the goodwill of those selling their houses where I feel will fit in to give me a massive discount.

Wealth is not about having money, it is about being where you belong and doing what is a representation of what makes you unique. The disaster is, to achieve this in many cases requires money.


And that is why, at the early stages of the journal, I knew that to get out of this mess we need help, as in help from those that are in a position to help us. Here we are talking primarily about The Wisdom Goddess Sophia and Queen Semiramis. How you help them is to return Consciousness to its original state, and how this is done is by making Consciousness understand what happened before the beginning of time that we got into this mess and couldn’t get out.

This has been done, but the job is not over, and this is where we need help.


Go into an orphanage and tell the spirit of the kids there the story written in this journal, and you will return a lost state of Light within the spirit to what it should be, except that the black ball should be white, and how this is done, is by taking the children out the orphanage and placing them in environments/households where they belong.

It’s as simple as that – no rocket-science explanations needed.


Sounds easy, and it is – if you are a God and a Creator.

From my side, have done all I can, now they can come to the party and dance with us. They can shift the pieces on the chess board around and place us where we belong.


Thanking Sophia and Semiramis in advance.

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I have always drifted, and most times throughout my life have been lost and lonely, but I have never been fearful.

The last few months, most notably the last few weeks, I have been fearful, where I felt the chaos of the illusion and became fearful of losing my sanity, where what was around me was now too much to handle.

Hikikomori is a condition in Japan where people refuse to leave their homes, and I would surmise that this fear of the outside makes you a prisoner in your own home.


Over the last few weeks, as I was in my home, I palpably felt the chaos of the world that was outside the walls of our house. So when I heard disrespectful people playing loud music my sanity was in jeopardy of falling apart, as what was outside, what I so vigorously held at bay, had now penetrated the walls and touched me.

This state of fear that gripped me has been unknown to me throughout my life, where it takes me over, where what defines me is no longer present. There is no longer a Steven – there is only a being taken over by fear.  Now I was beyond the condition of hikikomori, as I felt fear within my home from what was heard without its borders, and besides that, I knew what was outside, and this knowing kept me in fear.


Why is this so? What happened to cause this awful, lost fearful state? I would say that the closer I got to understanding Consciousness, the more I felt what was going on with Consciousness, where what was within, touched what was without, namely the spirit and body form.

As said, it has been a most awful period, where all you feel is fear that has consumed you. You feel there is no way out, where all perspective of planning for the present and future becomes no more.


May the reverse now also be true, where as Consciousness begins to shine and be what it naturally is, may fear be overtaken by a Love that we have not known of for a long time.

Oh Wow, what a blessing that would be.

I came too close to the sun and it burnt me – the uncertain/fearful state of Consciousness touched me and this is all I felt; this awful state of fear that was backed up by its original score called Uncertainty.


May this be over. May Life, as well as Consciousness within unfold as they naturally should.

7th May, 2023

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With Consciousness returning to what it should be, you go into the stillness of the silence whenever you can, as this for me speeds us the healing of the spirit by Consciousness.

What was felt in this still state was the absence of the lower half of my legs of my spirit.

When things become too much we begin to fade, as in lose and forget ourselves – at least I assume this is the reasoning behind the absence of parts of my spirit. It must be fascinating to see the true state of the spirit of most out there, as there cannot be much left of us in our lost and forgotten states.

I think we the spirit see what we see, rather than what we are not meant to see, in order to keep the Game alive, hence the hidden nature of the true state of the spirit. How this is achieved by those from the shadows and the cosmic geneticists I cannot say. What I do know, is with Consciousness coming unto its own, this Light; this state shines upon the spirit to reveal the true damage done to the spirit. As I sit here writing these words I feel the coldness around my feet and lower part of my legs as they heal.


This healing is complete when the spirit feels a strong presence within its throat area – which is Consciousness making itself felt. From there, it feels like someone places an elongated avocado within your chest area, where this presence suddenly appears out of nowhere. My assumption is this is the true heart energy field, but I don’t know. What I do know is this presence within your chest area links to Consciousness within your throat, and the two act as one. From the chest to the throat to the head – this is the flow pattern, where now everything is within your head – the all.


The other day this lady contacted me. She heard about me from someone else and felt I was the right person to heal her of the excruciating pain going down her right pelvis and thigh region.

Healing was given to her spirit as she sat in front of me, and I asked her for feedback the following day to see how she went. She only contacted me a few days later, where she told me after I treated her she had to stay in bed the following day her pain was so bad.

So on the body form, I made things worse, not better. This rattled me, as this is not how I work, where if I do something, I do it properly, otherwise I don’t do it at all. The thing is, I feel the disharmony on the spirit of those I heal, and I also feel it disappear, hence I know that I have done something constructive. I have worked on the animals who come to me for healing, and am always happy with what was done to them, but as I found out from working on this lady, us Humans are a completely different kettle of fish. We have endured too much, and our body form in its dense state has taken a hammering, hence one has to heal the spirit and the body form, and not just the spirit.


Consciousness in its stable state heals the spirit, where this healing is complete with the heart, throat and head area working as one. By “head area” we imply that what is now there is the all – as in all possibility within the illusion.

With Consciousness healing the spirit, now it is the turn of the body form, which is something I never done in healing this lady, where I only healed her spirit. I never knew the destroyed state of the body form; where the damage is so bad, that Consciousness has to intervene, as the spirit needs help to restore the bodies broken state.

So when you can – to speed up the healing process – go into the stillness of the silence, and allow Consciousness to heal the body form. Changes will happen within the energy/frequency field of the body form, and then the template of the spirit will be transferred to the denser body form, meaning a lost and forgotten presence will appear within the heart energy field, and Consciousness will make its presence within the throat area. As said, when there is a flow between the heart and the throat, rising to the head area, then the healing of the body form is complete. What happens from there I cannot say, as Consciousness is still healing my spirit and body.

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It is common sense that should a Light become distorted, that it will no longer shines as bright as it naturally should, meaning the life it gave to those around it begins to fade.

The more the spirit faded; the more it drifted from the Light within, the further we fell from what should naturally be. With each step down into the unnatural, we soon made this transformation our own, and what was seen as abnormal was soon seen as the norm. What we didn’t see was the impact this had to our spirit.


For some time now I have known that this lifetime is do or die for the spirit of my youngest daughter. On one or two occasions I have seen her spirit through my Third Eye as my body lies in bed sleeping, and what I saw was one of hope that dad would find a way to reverse this fading away, where what we the spirit are becomes no more. Each time I saw her spirit she looked complete, but this morning when I checked on her with the Light of Consciousness as it should be shining on her the spirit, I felt there was not much of her spirit left.


This is scary shit, where the Good; the innocent fade away as the state of Consciousness and the illusion become too much for them. How many have already been lost, where what was is no more?


My right Achilles tendon has been painful for some days now to the point where I walk with a limp. I knew that with the rebirth of Consciousness, this Light would balance and restore harmony to the spirit and body form, and the strain on my tendon was from these two body forms adapting to the changes. With each passing day the pain got less, until now it is almost not there.

What this tells me is Consciousness is coming unto its own.


It was always about the speck of Light; the strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness; this Consciousness around which all Life within the illusion is created. This I never knew.


You know you have touched the betrayal frequency that was within Consciousness when by reflex you start receiving thoughts of self-destruction.

Is it fair to say that most of us here in the dense body form planes of the illusion are committing mass suicide, where what they do is where anything goes because they no longer have a spirit to guide them. I would say the spirit of these savages have crossed over and embraced the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, and as for the innocent; the Good, it is these whose spirits are fading or are no longer there as Life here in this awful place becomes too much for them. Please understand I say such negative things because I see the status of the world, both in the seen and unseen, and what is seen is many that are in a bad way. I have always felt that no matter how good a standing you have in this illusion, that sooner or later what touched those before you will touch you, where now you experience the raw despair and cruelty the illusion has to offer. Never did I know that this fate would befall me sooner than later, where you palpably feel and experience that Life truly is shit, and there is no way to fool yourself that everything is okay, because it is not, and the reality is things will only get worse – as they always have.


Here in South Africa where the power is cut about ten hours a day through the incompetence and corruption of our government that has failed to maintain the energy grid, I always tell people that things will eventually be okay, and I am not being optimistic but realistic. Through the writing of this journal I know the Infinite will touch us sooner or later, and when it does, life as we knew it will never be the same again.

I know that Consciousness within the illusion has returned to what it was, and now it is healing, just as it is healing the spirit and body form. I know that when this Light shines as it should, so will we and life within the illusion around us. There was no other way but to write this journal to understand the root cause of the cruelty of Life, which was the distorted image of Consciousness that made it lost. Around this lost and confused state the spirit and its body form could let rip and go wild where anything goes as there was no mirror of Love on which we could reflect and see ourselves. The crueler you were, the more you fitted into this illusion, and the more you were revered and feared.

With Consciousness returning to what it should, now all of this changes. Now this Light shines on us, and in seeing this Love, we see what we should be, meaning we see what we are, and let’s just say there are no words to describe the horror so many will see when they see themselves and what they allowed themselves to become. Wow. Now the Lights are turned on, the party stops, and we all see what we are. What this state of reconciliation with self and others will bring to the illusion I cannot say. What I can say, is the wheel will come to an abrupt stop, and from there it will begin to move in the opposite direction Homewards bound, where Consciousness becomes one with the Infinite and we the spirit and body form become enlightened till we are no more.


But let’s go back to basics.

How has this journal transformed the life of Steven besides healing a strained Achilles tendon? The answer is nothing has changed within my existence. Fair enough, I wrote for the spirit and the spirit realm and not primarily for me the body form, but for fucks sakes, surely after nine years of living and breathing this journal I should get something more out of it?

All I can say to myself is that the ball has rolled from the minus numbers back towards zero. From naught may the ball rolling towards the positive, where with each passing moment Life unfolds as it should. I am not optimistic, I am realistic. I know what I have done to transform Consciousness – this only state that is real within the illusion. Just as I know we have helped Consciousness, so too will it help us return to a natural state of Love.


So be it.


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Ask yourself how long would this illusion last if the Beasts in the seen and unseen had the power of Consciousness at their disposal. Five minutes? Two minutes, before there is total destruction?


Yesterday evening went to bed early and passed out from exhaustion. As I lay there falling asleep, understanding that there is not much else to do or say, I held onto what is real in this illusion – I imagined somewhere within me is Consciousness, and to this imaginary friend I held onto.

What I held onto was straws, meaning there was nothing there. Was too tired to ponder why this is so, and then in the early hours of this morning the logical answer presented itself to me.


The ticket to enter the illusion is insanity. You might not know it, but insanity dwells within you, where now and then it will rear its silly little head and we become one with The Madness of King George. As long as we are in the illusion, we are in a Game, and what this game is, is the Game of Survival. And as long as we are in this Game there is no ways Consciousness in its true, natural state will present itself to us the insane, because while we are in the Game, it is about survival, rather than getting to know our true selves and return Home.


Know that this is the truth.


You want to get to know yourself, as in your true self, then hand in your ticket of insanity that allowed you to play in the game of Survival, and get out of the illusion. Only then will you know what you are.

What is this ticket that lets us into the madhouse? The answer is our thoughts. For Consciousness to come to the fore we have to stop thinking, and I am not talking about wearing that New-Age retro, multi-coloured gown that fits in with our man-bun hairstyle, our slippers and that rough-look stubble on our faces. For the ladies it’s the standard – going braless and barefoot, and of course the flowers in your hair.


I am talking to the spirit, where the spirit returns to the stillness of the silence. Please believe me when I say that there comes a time in our existence when there really is not much more to think and say. You begin to be, and this leads to what you are, where you truly are everything. We can say so much about this state of stillness, but one becomes tired of repeating oneself. Yesterday it was written in the journal of this smell that I have never before experienced within the seen and unseen of the illusion. What this smell is, is the odour of stagnancy, from we the spirit and body form going nowhere. This illusion truly does stink.

There is no need to go retro and show the world you are with it in terms of spiritual things, all you do to be in the stillness of the self is understand this is the norm. In this state your true self will present itself and begin to sing the joys of being one with itself and the Infinite. Understand that this is the norm, and this state cannot be attained in the madhouse because the Infinite and Consciousness have no interest in your Game.


What was written and posted on the Icke forum was the crux of the understanding from this journal. The give or take thousand pages before that in the journal were more going to the left and right, with a little going forwards. What was written there was more of my experiences of what came to me during my sleep state that I saw through my Third Eye – it was the world of those from the shadows that rule over us.

Now what I write – just because I have the time to write – will be of what I see from the perspective of Consciousness. I will write because I can, and if there is something else that needs to be done to fill my day, then I will stop writing. But the days of writing to understand are over. As long as you are in the Game there will always be something to remark about the Game, but when you have cashed your ticket in and you are out the door and standing in the stillness of the silence just being yourself, you interest in the madhouse becomes no more as you no longer wish to associate yourself with such a place and those that dwell therein. It is an illusion for Pete’s sake, so why the infatuation with an illusion?


Know what is real, and be what is real. Consciousness is there – it has been healed and is waiting to make its appearance to you the spirit and body form, so step out of the Game and meet the best friend you never knew existed, who was been in a really bad way for a long time, but is now doing okay. You cannot have one foot in the Game and the other out the door in the stillness. To see the Game for what it is, you need to be out of thought mode and in the knowing of Consciousness. Know what is real and what is not, and then return to this real state.


Over the last few days I felt like a monk that longed for his monastery, where all I wanted to do was be in the presence of stillness, where I would just sit and be this silence. This state never uplifted me as I saw it as temporary solitude in the madness around me. From there I would return to the illusion to figure a way out.

Step out of the madhouse by being in the stillness of the silence at all times. Talk and laugh and have fun, and say your say when needed, but at all times your platform is the stillness of the silence, which is the natural state of Consciousness.


How many more times do I have to repeat myself regarding this silence? How long will it take before you listen? That depends on you, in terms of how much you will endure of this Game of Survival before you say enough. My advice is get out sooner than later. Believe you me, we have overstayed our welcome to the point where the Game is no longer fun.

What happens from here is for each to their own. Your story is yours and thus will have no interest to me as I am living out my story.

Have fun. Will see you at the place where we are all one.

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What it means to exist within the stillness of the silence is to have no opinion about anything. The thoughts are there, but they are just there – you don’t embrace them and make them your own where they now define you.

The transition from being in the Game to being in the stillness that allows Consciousness to come unto its own was easy for me, because everything I have tried up till now to be at peace and happy has not worked. Push to find answers to be happy, and all you do is find the answer that is not real, as it is in an illusion you are seeking, thus all you will find is what is not real, and by “not real” we mean just that – it is an illusion.


A few days back had the rest of my existence panned out before me as in what defines me and makes me unique – the path was clear, all that was lacking was money.

Years ago it was written in the journal that if you see a funky polar bear in your sleep state, it means you will play a lottery the following day and win. Guaranteed. That dude bear is Earl, and he is one of those, together with Semiramis and Sophia, that I have passed understanding to over the years through what this journal taught me.


All I needed was money. You cannot believe how unhappy I am living around traffic noise most of the day, as well as unpleasant neighbours.

Earl was my ticket out of this mess so I could be where I belong.

Two nights back my spirit found itself in the snow, and there in front of me was a young polar bear. What I saw had a plastic feel to it, as in it was not genuine, but regardless I asked this youngster where is his mom, as in where is Earl? To the side of me was this man hiding in the trunk of an artificial tree. This man was beyond madness, as in psycho madness. Then the scene changed and I saw these black octopus’ coming before me – the Watcher spirits. One stopped and looked at me, and gestured with his arm towards his mouth, as in he wants food to eat. I told him my energy and of those I love was not his to take.


I mention what I saw two nights back in my sleep state so that you may understand that this is what you get when you push to reach your dreams within an illusion. You get what you have always gotten, which is nothing.

What was it about the ring that Smeagol in The Lord of the Rings wanted more than anything? It was the ring of power – the precious – that satiated the want within him. The ring was symbolic of the worm; the parasite that wanted, and by having this want; this ring, he had everything, meaning there was nothing more to have.

And yet this ring done what parasites do – it sucked the life out of him.


We are all the same – we all want something from the illusion, all the while being driven to our madness as we can never attain what we want. So ask yourself what do you want. The true answer is “I want nothing from the illusion Steven.” That is a good answer, but nobody deserves to suffer – not even in an illusion. So what you want is for the Love of Consciousness to guide you the spirit and body form whilst in the illusion. Up till now you have not been guided – you have been controlled and manipulated by Beasts in the seen and unseen of the illusion. But even through them we pushed to survive and find our peace, which is great, but remember where you are – in an illusion.


Always have I said that we cannot do it alone. Believe you me I have tried my darnest because I knew that to sit and wait for someone else to do it was not an option. I have pushed, and now I can push no further because there is nothing more to understand of this illusion, as Consciousness was the Star that needed to be awakened and returned to what it was – everything else was irrelevant as everything else was an illusion.

This is the help I have been waiting for, so it goes without saying that we the spirit and body form now stand back and allow Consciousness to lead the way.


Lead the way to where?

A good thirty years ago, as part of a life experience, I worked in The Donnington Manor hotel in Seven Oaks in England. One night the manageress threw a tantrum at one of the girls who worked with me, and all this girl could do was burst out in tears from this verbal onslaught. All I could do was storm into the office of the hotel manager and relay to him what had just happened with tears streaming down my face. The manager calmed me down, and later, when everything had pacified, he told me that I could sleep in one of the hotel rooms for the night rather than the little make-shift room I slept in for the two months or so that I worked there.

The punch-line to this story is Mr. Allen told me that we wanted me to know that all British are not bad – that like him, there is good out there.


So to where will Consciousness lead us the spirit and body form? I would say to the good of the illusion. There are those that are rotten and like playing it dirty, so to each their own. Let them play in their little Game of find and destroy.


We all have a right to be happy. We just needed someone to show us the way.

This morning as I woke up I knew that something had changed within me, but I did not know what. Whatever it was, it floored me, as I could not fully wake up and have breakfast with the family and see them off as they left for school and work.

There was this movement flowing within me. It is safe to say that what was felt was Consciousness as it began to make itself known.  


Where too from here I don’t know. What I do know is I am an observer and Consciousness is the participant that leads the way. We are all on the same page, where we don’t wish to make this illusion our home, but while we are here, let us be happy. What this happiness is and brings I cannot say, but this spirit and body form of Steven taking the lead is no more.

It has taken a long time to awaken Consciousness and return it to what it naturally is. Let’s take advantage of this situation and allow Consciousness to show us the way to our happiness. Remember what the illusionary Garden was initially intended to be – it was a place to go and play in, and when the playing was complete, we, as in Consciousness, would have returned to the Infinite.


So let’s go back and fulfill the wish of Queen Semiramis – let’s play in her beautiful illusionary Garden.

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The trick was to help everyone, and not just me. This meant turfing the survival instinct and stepping into the unfamiliar, regardless of the consequences. It was do or die to solve the ultimate riddle of why is Life cruel.

Something had to be done for all – the Beasts; the cruel, horrid Beasts in the seen and the unseen, as well as for the innocent, and for those vast majority in the middle that were indifferent to the nightmare that was staring them in the face that they chose to ignore because they were okay.


The most logical steps to take were to go back to the very beginning; to the source of where it all went wrong. This was easy – if you consider the fall of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia from her realm that created an impact zone from where the Serpent spirits were formed, with Queen Semirmis coming to the fore.

Maybe Sophia should not have fallen, and maybe Semiramis should not have created her illusionary Garden, but it is fair to say that we are well beyond maybe’s.


How do you fix something that one does not know exists? We always looked to the spirit as our way to redemption, where the spirit finds the Love of a God that resides somewhere in Heaven, but this was never the case. How foolish we were to believe that the spirit of an unhappy body form will suddenly find happiness when the body form is no more and the spirit is free of the body to take up residence in the spirit realm?

How stupid were we to believe this. Why couldn’t our spirit or our God just pass on the fruits of knowledge to the body form, where everyone can be happy? I have seen spirits who were associated with the body form of those involved in the Mafia organization. So below, so too above. The reality is you go to what you know, where if you are a gangster in the dense body realm, you enter the gangster world within the spirit.

Nothing changes – unhappy here, then after long enough in the spirit realm, that unhappiness sooner or later shows its face, which is an absolute catastrophe as where is there peace to be found.


When I walked up to that horse a good fifteen years ago to treat it, and saw a speck of Light about three to four millimeters long floating against the horses body, I never had a clue what was staring me in the face. What I did know, was from that moment I understood that I knew nothing, where I would start anew with the spirit of the animals showing me the way. I never knew that what I saw was Consciousness, and it was to this speck of Light that the answer would be found of why Life is so cruel.

Wow. Wow. Wow. What a shit ride it has been and continues to be. How many have there been that came off second best in this Game of survival? We have all lost, because we all find ourselves in a place where we don’t belong, and it has never gotten better – it has always gotten worse. We prayed and believed and hoped and help never came our way – it was only the resilience of the spirit that knew somehow, somewhere there is Love in this world. That Love was within us – it was this speck of Light; this Consciousness.


Have we done enough to transform this Light; this building block of all life within the illusion that forms the natural state of the Infinite? I don’t know. If we have done enough, are we the spirit open to receive the blessings and presence of this God within? I believe we are ready. We have existed in the abnormal, where everything was upside down and unnatural. I truly believe we are ready to embrace this Light within that we naturally are.


May this God-force within; this Consciousness, begin to shine and show itself, and may we see and understand that this is what we naturally are, where we the spirit and body form are an expression of this Infinite Love.

May this Consciousness shine, because if it doesn’t, we and those we love are truly fucked.  


And that is the truth!

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With Consciousness beginning to shine as it should, what was happening to us on the spirit and body form is brought to the fore, meaning now it is in our face for us to see as Consciousness returns the abnormal to normal. In other words, what was always done – what was abnormal and cruel – is now noted, and a wrong is made right.

The difference between now and what always was, is now we rise up and climb out of our hole to where we belong, which is a state of peace and happiness. Please understand this is the norm, and what has changed between now and then is Consciousness is beginning to shine as it naturally should. So if your spirit has been attacked, for example, then you will all of a sudden feel this disharmony on the body form as Consciousness shines on the disharmony in the seen and unseen to make a right wrong. The pain on the body form will not be gradual – it will be sudden as this disharmony is brought forth to heal. And from there, the more Consciousness shines, the more we move away from disharmony to the point where it no longer touches our lives.


I’ll give you another example.

My deal in healing people is they pay me when they are better. This lady came to me for help, and before she left she paid me. She told me that financially it has been going rough with her. When she checked her bank balance recently someone had put a small amount of money in her account with the reference “Jesus” on the depositors name, meaning a kind soul had helped her out and wished to remain anonymous. This lady told me she held onto this money, and now she wanted to give it to me, regardless if she got better or not.

If she had money I would have charged her triple what she gave me, but her gesture of giving to give and expecting nothing in return touched me.


I don’t know why, but I could not spend that money over the last two weeks or so, so I kept the money in my pants pocket and hanged the pants over my jacket stand.

This morning I needed the money as I took my family out for Mother’s Day. During the week my wife had taken the pants and cleaned it with the other washing, and when I went to look for the money in my clean pair of pants in my drawer the money was not there – and it wasn’t anywhere else in my cupboard. I needed that money and now it was gone.


What I am saying is something in the spirit realm has always deprived me of what should naturally come my way. This problem has come to the fore in the spirit and body form realms by Consciousness shining on what should not be.

So if you feel your world is falling apart, understand it is not – what has always been there is now pushed to the seen and unseen realms as Consciousness makes a wrong right.

My money that I need is missing from my pants pocket, but this problem, of what should be there that is not, has always existed in the spirit realm. The difference between now and then is this unnatural phenomena, as well as all the others, is being addressed by Consciousness.


Will I get this money that has been lost in the seen and that has been deprived from me in the unseen? – I would say yes, as now there is something bigger than us that is looking after us.

You be the child and allow Consciousness to be the adult, meaning allow Consciousness to lead the way without you interfering. A child plays, and this play gives joy to the adult that watches over the child. This is the new relationship between you the spirit and body form and Consciousness. As you play, the more joy you give to Consciousness, allowing Consciousness to come unto its own.


Always be humble and give thanks. We are just passing through.

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What I have always known about myself is I am lost and lonely. One has to see what is there and not fool oneself. I never developed a nasty streak within as an outcome to release what was within what should not be there. The world did not have to pay and suffer for my insecurities within. In my lost state I still knew what was right and wrong, and I never crossed these lines as I valued my integrity and self-respect above all else.


By being lost, what helps is friendship, where one is drawn out of ones shell to experience Life with another. This I never had, meaning the loneliness only exacerbated the lost state. After a while I am sure one could see this lost status frequency a mile away, which I am sure was an open game ticket for the cruel out there to attack me. But this never happened, because primarily there were only two things I knew about me – the one was I insecure and lonely, and the other was don’t mistake my kindness for weakness, because if you do, you will be outright destroyed, as in obliterated, or worse, I will turn my back on you and walk away, where now you see yourself for what you are.


This journal began with the perfect storm, where cruelty touched me from all sides. People l loved betrayed me by telling lies about me; emotionally I was in a bad way because my six year old daughter was unhappy in a school that I soon understood was run by idiots; and lastly I was unaware I had tick-bite fever that was sapping my energy and turning me into a walking vegetative state.

This trio of events floored me where I was no longer walking upright, but rather hanging on a thread to function properly. I was there, but I also wasn’t there, where my whole being within was like a ship being knocked around by turbulent waves. In this state some out there tried their luck and took a swing at me where they entered my space to kick what was almost down and out, and I think these fools touched a chord within me that made me ask the question that kick-started writing this journal, namely “why is Life cruel?”


Surely when others are down you don’t go in for the kill to destroy them so you may feel good about yourself? What twisted world with twisted inhabitants would want to do such a thing?

This I had to understand, and to do so I had to start at the very bottom of the cesspit – the place where Beasts dwelled in the shadows of the illusion. Now it was game on to fuck Steven up – just because they could, but I have always maintained, and always will, that my fellow species on planet Earth are far worse than these savages that embraced the Reptilian frequency of the illusion and made it their own. These savages from the shadows that ruled over us did not try and be anything else than what they were, whereas my species imagines themselves to be something, all the while doing the complete opposite. We think we are nice, but boy can we be nasty. Two-faced is what so many are, where what they show themselves and what they show others is not what they imagine themselves to be. Talk about not knowing yourself!


And yet there are many out there that do know themselves. They know there is hate and dislike within them towards others. They know they destroy, and they have embraced this cruelty and made it their own, where they embrace themselves and are peace with this Beast that they are.

It is too these that I now speak: Your ways are no longer tolerated. Do what you have always done, and in a moment – in a sudden, almighty moment – you will know yourself by what you done to others, will be done to you. In that moment you will feel and understand what you done to others. In that moment you are not being taught kindness – you will be taught cruelty so that you will know yourself, where you see the abnormal and cruel is not normal.


I will never lower myself to threaten others or pick a fight – always will I walk away for self-preservation. So understand I am not threatening those that love being cruel. I am merely stating what will happen, where Life will hit them hard as such nonsense is no longer tolerated. These Beasts will feel this wrath of playing in a game where anything goes, and what this wrath is, is an indifference to what should not be. When Love shows itself through Consciousness being what it naturally is, there will be a shift from what was to what should be, and this wave will obliterate all in its path that should not be, meaning Love touches Love, and what is not Love will feel the impact of what Love is. In that moment Beasts will feel and understand that what they are and have come to embrace i.e. cruelty, and this impact will be a blow that will rattle them to their core. Now they will feel what they done to others as they see their cruelty within that they loved and made their own. These two extremes – the raw cruelty of a savage, and the Love of Consciousness – when these two states pass through each other, we will see this moment as the wrath of God against the cruel, but it is not wrath we are witnessing, as this state has no place in the presence of Love.


When healing, understand the primary disharmony, as well as the cause of the disharmony, and in the moment this disharmony is no more as it has no place in the presence of Love.

With Consciousness unfolding as it should naturally be, this Love will shine on the cruelty within the Beast, and in that moment that cruelty will be no more. When that cruelty is no more, the Beast will see itself for what it is, which is nothing – a space devoid of Love – and in that moment the Beast will see and understand what it done to others. In that moment the Beast will be obliterated into Nothingness, and when it returns from this state to find itself, shame of self will permeate from its pores. Now it is them with them, and it is not for us to interfere. Only they can make their wrong a right. Now they have Love and not the cruelty they relishly embraced.

Leave them be to find their way back Home, these stupid, stupid fools that took joy in destroying the innocent.



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Instinctively the nail side of my thumbs were pushed gently against my closed eyelids as I lay in bed last night to fall asleep, so that I may look deep into the unseen. Immediately I was in an outer space that had a misty golden glow to it. There was just an expanse of everything, and from there I began to drop down and get closer and closer to where I was taken. A world came into view with water and lands, and up till now everything was still haloed in this misty golden glow. I saw the dense tree tops, and when these were passed, there it was – this is what was travelled across time and space to come and see. There on the ground was this white creature that had a pink taint to it. This white mass had the contour of a butterfly, and in the centre of these two flaps was a round mouth with visible long and pointy teeth. But what was the most striking feature of this creature was the distress it was in. It was crying in angst and fear.


What I was taken to see, was the creature that was born from the uncertain and fearful state of Consciousness when Consciousness felt betrayed by the Infinite for “abandoning” it within the illusion, as well as betrayed by its own when the “we” turned to “me” by the want that the parasite within generated. The frequency of this uncertainty created a form/mass/monster, and this monster I have seen before and have associated it with the candida within us, which in copious amounts leads to cancer. This candida is within all within the illusion, and I say this because uncertainty and fear is built into our framework. When I first saw this monster it merely was, where it gave off its frequency into the illusion and received the disharmony from those its frequency impregnated. But what I saw last night was a “child” that was beyond fearful and needed help.


Understand that Consciousness inadvertently created this monster, so it is only fair to say that Consciousness makes this wrong right, and I can only assume this is why the trip was made to where this monster lived – an innocent monster that was born from the uncertain state of Consciousness, just as the Watcher spirit was born from our will to control all around us.

The reason for this visit was that the spirit and body form where going nowhere as long as this monster and its associated frequencies of fear were in all and sundry. It was really a sad state of affairs to witness this monster left all by itself in an unhabituated world. As scary as this monster looked, truly one could not help but pity it. No doubt this being was set free from its habitat and returned to the Infinite by understanding how it came to be. With this being free, we the spirit and body are free from this innate fear and uncertainty within us.


From there, step out of your comfort zone and begin to explore the frequencies around you, where you play with them and make them your own. Our false reality is not a rigid structure – it is there to be bent and played with. What you do, you do for yourself, and when needed, to uplift others. The point being, go about your business without a fanfare. When the world is ready, they will play with you. Until then, go about your business keeping it to yourself to avoid jealousy and hatred through the ignorance of others.

Play as a child plays, where your imagination has no limits. Now there is nothing more to fear.   

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It’s back to square one – my youngest daughter is going back into the cycle of falling ill and being in pain. When I check on the primary, namely her Consciousness, what I feel is a broken rag doll, as in what should be there is totally destroyed. This I have never felt before on Consciousness – I have felt a lost, disjointed and erratic state, but never a broken one. So what is going on?


You go into the space of Consciousness to feel for the primary disharmony. On an energy level, both in the seen and unseen, one feels the body move slightly away from the head, and then the body and head move forwards together to join up, and then move to a sideways tilt.

What the hell is going on?


Is this the death of Consciousness – the end of the road where it cannot anymore? I don’t think so, there is something we are missing.

So once again, go into the space of Consciousness and look for the primary problem. What is felt is Consciousness being broken up into two, where the one half of it separates from the other. My goodness, that is not good. An ice-coldness is felt over my feet, and this is indicative of death in a form.

What is going on?


Now there is nothing there – there is nothing to feel and assess. Consciousness has disappeared off the radar.

The joke is, it has disappeared off the radar in all of us.


Mention has been made often in the journal regarding The Tree of Life, and I don’t know if it is an actual tree of sorts. What I do know is it is found in the fields of Infinite Love. When what I called The god of Wrath came to my room one night and told my spirit to come with him, where he showed me what happened that Brother turned on Brother, he first took me to a Tree. This Tree was somewhere in an African setting. There were two or three black men that were the curators of the Tree. What I noticed about this ordinary looking Tree was that bees has made their hives in some of the branches.

For me, what this Tree is, is the “air” of the Infinite. It is there as this merely is was is. It has a symbiotic relationship with all in the Infinite, meaning with Consciousness.


So now we check on this Tree to see if its life-force is still feeding Consciousness.

What I felt happen to Consciousness, where it was cut into two, also happened to the Tree.


I do not know what is going on. It is as if there has been a total blackout of what was.

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Ask yourself what is Consciousness. The answer is it is everything. In our limited vision what does everything look like? When you stare out into the all, what do it appear as to us? It appears as nothing, because what you see looks like nothing is there – there is just this massive expanse; this vastness.

In our limited understanding and vision this everything is blackness in colour, for example, when you look out into space.


What this means, is when I felt Consciousness at our throat area, what I felt was a representation of Consciousness within the illusion. What I felt this morning hanging like a limp, broken rag doll was the “skin” that Consciousness shed to be reborn unto its true self. I then felt nothing where I always felt Consciousness, there was just this black, infinite space with no beginning and end, and that is Consciousness in its true form.

My youngest daughter is okay this evening, where everything panned out as it should and I knew it would.


Wow, Consciousness has come unto its own, and that for me is remarkable.

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How does one disconnect from the illusion? – By seeing it for what it is.

Sooner or later the flow of Life becomes still, where you are no longer taken along this joyride with its highs and lows. The Game stops abruptly, and in that moment, you see Life for what it is. And what you see, is that this place we find ourselves in is unpleasant. That’s it! That is the truth. All that bullshit of making the most of what we have disappears as the sun hits the dew on the grass, and what you see; what stares you in the face, it that this place, and so many that dwell therein, are most unpleasant.

One understands the Beast that throws everything to the wind to embrace the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, because this is as close as you will get to what is real within the illusion. Don’t count on love because we are too fucked up to apply the humbling act of kindness, which is the foundation from where Love may grow.
But what about integrity – why did they not fight with everything they had to hold onto this one ticket that was our way out of here when the opportunity arose?


When you acknowledge the illusion for what it is, what happens is you become detached from this place, meaning nothing pulls you in to define you. Now you are in this world but not of it, and from here Consciousness may begin to shine. 

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Survival is the name of the Game within the illusion. With Consciousness revealing itself, there will be a push back from those that harmoniously blended in with the cruel ways of the illusion. Now their very existence and what they have always known and loved is compromised.

What I am trying to say is an attack of the super-bugs has hit our shore. I say this because over the last 24 hours I have been floored. The attack will be on the spirit which will ripple down to the body form. And if I say super-bug it is just that – potent beyond that no medication will help with. Now it is Consciousness merely being what it is versus Beasts from hell. It is a no contest, as how can an illusion beat what it real, but believe you me, we will feel the attack that has already begun, and here I am talking from experience.

Hang in there till the dust settles.

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The lands of the seen, as well as those of the unseen were cursed, as were those that dwelled therein. The toxic poison from those Beasts from the shadows had to flow from this disgusting place so that a foothold could be placed within the realms to where these Beasts may launch their attacks and takeovers of all within the illusion.

Who cursed us you may ask, and I say to you it was our own – they allowed all to be destroyed in return for the feeling of importance of being associated with the in-crowd.


As has so often been said in this journal – evil has no friends; there is no loyalty, and I say this because evil only suppresses, where it never uplifts.

There was a deadly mixture of mental illness, insanity, and a strong desire to belong to a group that allowed these traitors amongst us to open the gates of hell where Beasts may enter our space to do with us as they please. The curse was the key that opened us to other dimensions, and most importantly, the curse kept us in the frequency of those from the shadows which rendered us helpless to Beasts in the seen and unseen.


In the process of dumbing us down to survive on a thread and live an existence of want, one wonders how strong the role of curses played a part in our limitations and slavery?

The effectiveness of a curse is it lingers – it intertwines with the frequencies of the illusion and locks them into the ways of Beasts.


The shit-show of curses is no more thanks to the awakening of Consciousness to what it naturally is.

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You know you have hit rock bottom when you stand up and say “okay, what happens now?” because only when you have hit rock bottom can you stand up, and when you do, as I done this morning, the most natural question is “where too from here?”

The only answer I could give myself was to just be – we what you are, and the foundation of this is calling a spade a spade. You see things for what they are and you call them that, but the dilemma is around every corner one will always play Daddy stating to others the obvious.


I don’t like playing Daddy, but if it means talking to others that will listen to uplift themselves then so be it. The trick is to uplift rather than complain, and what differentiates these two states is the audience – who wants to listen and are thankful for what they have come to understand? To those it is worthwhile being Daddy too, so be selective with your audience. Know when to be mum/silent and not be pulled into circumstances where you don’t belong.


It is all about balance, where you ask yourself who looks after you? It is here and now, at the bottom of the pit, that Consciousness pulls finger out of arse and starts to look after the vehicle of the spirit and body form. We know nothing, and no modesty in meant in making such a statement. We know nothing, and I promise you one thing, I need a Daddy in my life because I am standing alone at the bottom of a pit and I need someone to show me the way. We are in a position to be able to stand on our feet because we know Consciousness is now able to show us the way. We stand up because we know we can now begin to walk, and this is so because the driver of us the vehicle is what it should be.


I don’t expect fireworks every moment of every day, but what I do demand is to start walking away from this hell-hole. Sure, I will call a spade a spade, because Life needs to start seeing what it has allowed itself to become, but I never be cruel – always will I keep my integrity.

The bottom line is now we start walking, with Consciousness showing us the way. Within the illusion we are up against a clock that waits for nobody. What little time we have left here must be utilized to its maximum capacity, where joy and happiness and peace is the norm. These are not words written without meaning, where they sound nice but don’t even carry us out the front door. My spirit has not spent this lifetime and so many before it looking for a way out of the illusion for nothing. I expect – I demand – a return on my investment, and what this is, is Consciousness being what it is in its natural state, meaning now we are looked after by a God-force within, and in this state of being cared for, loneliness and survival do not exist.


We have done everything to assist Consciousness to remember what it is, and the job has been complete. On the body form realm of this being called Steven Geldenhuys I have nothing, where I have never been able to look after myself or my family financially – never have I been able to contribute to the bills. Career wise, I have nothing, where I am an unknown nobody, and yet I offer a world-class service of healing that this world is not ready for – what I have to offer of removing disharmonious frequencies is two hundred years ahead of its time.

I have nothing and I am nothing, and this is okay, because I knew it would not be easy to uncover the truth, but this had to be done, no matter what.


My job has been done so that all within the illusion in the seen and unseen may benefit. I say my job is done because I am on my feet rather than falling from side to side in a snow storm, never knowing if you will make it or not.

Everything has been done for Consciousness. Now Consciousness can lead the way.

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Floating all around you within the unseen are bugs about the size of your outstretched hand. These Beings are harmless.

Over the last year or so have been treating this aged Husky. A month or so back went to give it maintenance, and when finished, informed the owner and dog that this would be my last visit, as Zorba’s time was coming to an end.

The owner contacted me over the last week and told me she felt Zorba wanted to see me again. Went there, and this dog was still active and not ready to go. Its spine was misaligned, but before I felt that, felt its left kidney was depleted of energy.

You look for the primary, and how this is done is by bringing it forth by knowing it is somewhere. As the secondary problems were automatically removed from this dogs spirit and body, the skeleton aligned itself, and from there a headache was felt over the left side of the dogs’ head. Honing in on this area one felt the primary – there it was. Within the “skull” of this dogs spirit was a bug that almost filled the space of the head. It was within the left eye socket and extended out a bit over the right side of the head. This bug had a slug feel to it, as in thick, smooth and rounded.


Why did I not pick up this Being on my earlier visits to treat the dog? I would say there were two factors: This bug was a master at hiding, and secondly, Consciousness was not in a position to be able to detect this entity within.

As said, these bugs do not mean harm, and they hide away because they are trapped within us and are afraid.


Around the spirit and body form is a natural defense system. During times of severe and sudden trauma/shock, these defenses drop down, and what is floating around us enters our space. When our defenses go back up again these Beings become trapped in our space. Now there is something within us that should not be, and this places a strain on the spirit and body form, hence the strain on the kidneys from our energy being sapped, as well as this heaviness/strain within our forms that causes pain and discomfort.

How you release these walk-ins is by knowing they are there.


Last night as I slept the usual suspects came around.

The cosmic assassins have always been a foolish bunch with their weapons of choice. Can you imagine walking up to a helpless creature, pushing the barrel of your double-gauge shotgun against its head, pulling the trigger, and “Who-ah! – who’s the boss? Who’s the Man!” you gleefully scream as your helpless victim is destroyed by your hand.

This walking into a hen-house and shooting or stabbing or poisoning the helpless hens as they lay on their eggs has always been the case of the cosmic assassins. It has always been a no-contest. They hit the spirit which affects the body and causes serious damage there. Why they do it is because they can. What kept me alive was seeing my attackers and feeling their blows and from there countering this by filling myself with the Love that I have for the animals.


So last night as I slept saw the cosmic assassins as they slowly and purposefully went about their business around me to destroy me. Turned on my side to go back to sleep, dismissing these losers for what they are, and after a while saw these savages on their hands and knees bending over me and my wife. The first thing I saw was this dirty barefoot  next to my head. This belonged to the one bending over my wife. He was dropping these massive swathes of his spit over my wife, allowing the toxic frequency that made up his frequency field to harm her. What was done to my wife was done to me, and I assure you, these filth from the shadows of the illusion touch you and those you love and all within our world in the seen and unseen.


Seeing these Beasts through my Third Eye over the years came to be the norm. Most of the time Snakes were seen, and they were felt as they twirled themselves into a ball, making themselves cozy within my spirit and body form. That was unpleasant to feel, and some of the Snakes radiated pure evil, and I must admit, they were scary to see. “Hold on Steven – this is a potent one” is how I would reassure myself.

So last night the assassins came, and then these primitive savages, and then some others that by now I had lost an interest in, and then I saw this light, and when those around me also saw it they bolted. Turned around to lie from my side onto my back to see what this light was, and there I saw this lady walking towards me that radiated this beautiful, bright, white light.


I mentioned the bugs earlier on, and their association of always being around us in the unseen. When these bugs saw this lady, they were ecstatic to see her, as was she to them. She kept on placing her arms around them, giving them hugs, as they went up right against her to say hello.

It was a scene of loved ones being united after a long absence from each other, and what I saw was beautiful beyond.

This lady that was light acknowledged me and said hello, but her interest was soon turned to those around her that were beyond themselves by the return of this lady whom they Loved.


So what I am saying, is what I saw last night was a Being of Love that could once again just be Love. This was a first for me, not just for over the last nine years or so with my Third Eye open – I would say this was the first time my spirit had seen a Being of Love that could express what it naturally is, where Consciousness within them shines as it should.

From the vastness and blackness of the Infinite is the Beauty of Consciousness. When Consciousness chooses to be; to express itself, a form; a Light is created around Consciousness, and this we see as an entity. This lady that was seen last night as I slept was an expression of Consciousness in its true state.


What all of this means is the Love of the Infinite has finally touched us the spirit, and this is something that has not happened for a long time, as in a really long time.


Embrace this unknown as it is a natural state.

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There is something I am missing, and I intend to find out now what it is. My gut feel says it starts with Consciousness, so let’s start there.

Go into the space of Consciousness, and when you do so, one needs a mirror to compare Consciousness with what it is. So bring forth the presence of The Tree of Life to bounce Consciousness off of itself.


This fucker is still lost, and I say so because it feels, feels into the unknown not knowing where to go to. Friggin’ pathetic.

So what is it missing? May I have the strength to find this answer because I have had enough.


Consciousness looks to The Tree of Life to see what it lacks within itself, and what I feel is this jelly-fish sort of object moving over a rocky surface away from something. Man oh Man, what I am feeling is freaky beyond!


It has always been said that on the corner of the left side of the mouth hangs the parasitic frequency of Deception, this worm that doesn’t look like a worm, that extends from the corner of the mouth down to the chin area. We always just assumed that part of our dumbing down and limiting process was genetically replicating this parasite and placing it on the corner of the right side of the mouth. This assumption has always been there because I always felt something on the right side of the mouth. (The "mouth" of Consciousness.)

Obviously this assumption is wrong. So what is this fucker that is there that is playing/manipulating Consciousness as well as the spirit and body form? Is it what I am feeling that Consciousness now sees as it looks at itself in the reflection of The Tree of Life?


When I go into the space of this jelly-fish like object to understand it, as in where it fits in with the manipulation of Consciousness, one needs to combine these two states, and what this jelly-fish object is, is the “eyes” of Consciousness. What I feel, is this object become the vision of Consciousness, meaning instead of Consciousness looking out into the all, this jelly-fish object looks out on behalf of Consciousness.

And that is why when Consciousness was assessed earlier on, there was this distinct feeling of “here I stand, but I cannot go further than from where I am.” Now this is understood – the vision of Consciousness is obscured by another.


So let’s back-track: Where did this jelly-fish entity originate from?

Go back to the beginning, when Consciousness just entered the illusionary Garden of Semiramis.

When Consciousness entered the illusion, I feel this jelly film form over the “eyes” of Consciousness. Why was this jelly-film needed?

What is the state of the Infinite? – It is a beautiful blackness with no beginning and no end.

What is the state of the illusion? – This state within the Infinite needed to be illuminated to differentiate it from the Infinite.

So what happened to Consciousness when it entered the illusion? – It had to adapt/modify itself to accommodate to the illusion that was obviously different to the Infinite.


As has been said, the illusion was created to be a play-park, where you dip in, have fun, and then return to where you belong. So this adaption by Consciousness, where it modified itself to see this new place, was okay – nothing wrong with putting on a pair of shades. But what happened was this gel covering the “eyes” of Consciousness formed a state of its own, and this primarily happened when Consciousness felt betrayed and threw a tantrum, where it wanted nothing to do with the Infinite, which was basically itself. Now this gel protective lens was no use to Consciousness anyway, as Consciousness was lost to itself and the Infinite.


So what happened to this gel that Consciousness created as a protective lens to meet the glare of the illusion?

It departed the “eyes” of Consciousness and formed an intelligence of its own. To do what you may ask?

My goodness!

What is felt is this gel wrap around and within Consciousness, where it now not only protects the eyes, but the whole of Consciousness, and there the two of them went – floating around in their lost state. What an unbelievable friend to have – where this gel went beyond itself, not for itself, but for Consciousness. This gel could have left Consciousness anytime it wanted and Consciousness would not have known any better, but it chose to stay and be there for this lost state of Consciousness. Unbelievable! And after all this time, this gel state is still there. What it does not understand, is that it is blinding Consciousness, as in getting in its way now.


So we go into the space of this gel with reverence and utmost respect for one who is the personification of loyalty and friendship. We tell this gel state why it came into being, as well as the story of the illusion and what went wrong with this most beautiful Garden, as well as with Consciousness.

From there, this gel state returns into the state of Consciousness, where this true friend is once again one with Consciousness, rather than a separate entity.


When I go into the state of Consciousness now, what is felt on Consciousness when it sees itself in The Tree of Life, is one feels the outline of the illusion, which is a super-shallow flattened sphere, then Consciousness sees the glare of the illusion, and a thin gel forms to protect the vision of Consciousness from this glare.


Wow. Wow. Wow.

It really is not nice knowing nothing! How much more do we have to understand? How much longer do we have to stay in this awful place?

So what was hanging from the right corner of the mouth of Consciousness and thus ultimately from all within the illusion? It was this state of Consciousness going round and round within the illusion, spinning into nowhere in its lost state, all the while being protected by this gel state.

There was no parasite to remove from the right corner of the mouth. What was needed was to inform this gel state that it may return to its original purpose of being a visor for Consciousness, rather than being its protective shield. This shield is no longer needed as Consciousness is no longer lost.


For fucks sakes – may there be nothing more to understand.

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What am seeing now during my sleep are Beings of anger. One was Human looking, and the other was an object. It is their rage that brings buildings down, not them – they merely stand there. I say this because I saw how their anger brings buildings down.

They are unstoppable. You can slow them down, but you cannot stop them, meaning if they went from point A to point B in five seconds, now they get there in eight seconds. These Beings with their anger are a force unto their own.


Then I was inside a train carriage of sorts. Young girls walked in one by one, where they introduced themselves as this or that savant. They sat around a large table in this train carriage, and I wondered why I was shown these savant girls.

Go into the space of a spirit savant, and what you feel is one who has no control device around their left forearm, meaning when they choose a subject that interests them, they become limitless, as in uncontrollable in this field.

But what they learn and come to understand means nothing, as they are still limited to inside a box – the box being the illusion. They can touch and play with the stars while we can only observe them, but what happens when this play reaches a limit?

What happens in these savants, is their exceptional abilities to go beyond the constraints of limitations soon reaches a limit, as in the walls of the illusion, and now what was exceptional and knows no bounds bounces back to them, meaning their talent can no longer flow outwards as an expression of who and what they are. So what went without is returned to within, and this is when the bomb starts to tick, and when it explodes, there is no stopping it.


Which is an absolute catastrophe, because what was so Beautiful now becomes the complete opposite – as in annihilation.

This rage from these savants was a tool to stoke the flames of the illusion. Their control devices within their left forearm were intentionally removed so that from their beauty they may turn into indestructible monsters. Do not underestimate how their rage touches all within the illusion.


I told you these architects and cosmic geneticists of the illusion were cruel.


We touch all these savants in the seen and unseen, where we make them understand what happened to them. From there they release this Beauty within, but this time it is backed by Consciousness in its true state.


It is too these savants and what they have that will break down the walls of the illusion. Their force is unstoppable, and we use this force of Beauty to punch holes through the walls of the illusion.


So be it.

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