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Know what you are.

steven geldenhuys

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We do our best to manage our lives, but we do nothing to manage ourselves. What is within and all around us is an illusion. Liken this illusion to a mist, where all you see is this white fog around you. When this mist is taken away what is there is real, but we cannot see this real state because the mist is covering our vision and perception. What is needed is a sun to shine upon this mist so that it may fade away to reveal what is real.


What this “sun” is, is the heart energy field, and what the heart energy field is, is our gift of Love from a Creator that was insane. (Through her insanity this Love still shone towards us, so we received her pure Love.) This gift is purity and innocence and goodness, and the biggest one of all – it is peace. This is the state within us that we have neglected as we try to find our way through the mist.

Live – do not think – but live in the peace of the heart energy field, as this state is what you naturally are, as in you were born/manufactured to be this. I am talking to the spirit, but we the body form have to come to the party to dance with the spirit.


Within our illusionary reality that we equating to as a mist, we hold onto what comes our way so that we may make sense of it and then we can move on. It is really important to us that this problem at hand is resolved, so we fret about it until something is done about it – we need to remove this thorn from our side. But all we are doing is fretting within a mist, never knowing where we are and who will come next into our false reality to bugger us around. We do not know where we are walking to, so the reality is that we are lost, and thus even more so, we need to solve the problems that come our way so that we may be in charge. We may be lost, but we are in control of what is at hand, or at least we think we are.


And that is our life – the one we have lived many times over. Different circumstances, but nothing changes as we are always in the mist.

We have tried this way, and it has not worked, so now we are given an alternative to slot into, and from there let’s see what happens.


You ignite your sun; your good heart, by knowing it is there within your space. With this boiler cooking as it should, the essence within it flows up to the throat area, where this essence of who and what you are receives perspective from the strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness at the throat area. From there, this essence that is your gift of Love moves to the head area to burst forth into the Infinite.

What is happening, is you are giving the gift of Love to all, in other words you have opened yourself up for all to see. You are what you are, and the Infinite is blessed to see your Beauty, so what happens, is the natural order of “give and receive” sets in. Now you receive, and what you receive comes to you via the left hand into your forearm, and from there is goes to the heart energy field, where this burner becomes even further stoked. And so this process goes around and around until you become one with the strand/Infinite and you are Everything.


And of course there is a trick to this process, and that trick is to ignite the burner of the heart energy field. This gift needs to be jump-started, and how this is done is by your spirit receiving a startled state.

This morning I opened one of the outside doors, and a leaf was stuck under the door, so when the door opened there was this sound from the leaf being swept over the floor boards and this startled me.  This sound was not to give me a fright, as I don’t get frights – it was to jump-start the gift of the heart energy field.


We need an alternative to what we have always done, and what has been described above is that alternative, where we use our God-given gift to connect to the Infinite which detaches us from the illusion. Once again, I stress that the spirit is been talked too, but we the body form dummies need to come to the party to dance with what is real. Don’t overthink things – just go with the flow.

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We nicknamed the daughter of this couple we knew “I don’t want to” because her response to everything her mother asked of her was “I don’t want to.”

This morning I feel like I Don’t Want To, because I don’t want to do anything.


Over the last week or so have been working on this dog that was in a bad way. On Saturday I instinctively knew I was in the way of the healing process, meaning that this dog was in the hands of Divine intervention. This was a first for me, where I backed off as I knew this dog was in God’s hands.

Got a message from the owners telling me Bubbles passed away in her sleep – she just stopped breathing as she lay on the bed sleeping. That this dog could pass on naturally without the humiliation on being injected by a chemical on a cold, stainless steel table confirmed to me that the Love of God shone down on this animal to take care of it.


Now when I check on myself or others it is like the tap has been turned off, as in what I could do in the past is no more. Steven the healer is no more, and I feel this is so because there is no need for me as Divine intervention has shone within the illusion.

Last night during my sleep state was awoken from the smell of these Beasts. Turned around to look who was there and saw this spirit kneeling on the floor next to my bed. I could not make out what they looked like as they wore this round hat. Behind this spirit, half hiding behind its back was its Serpent soul. The presence of this Serpent was not a favourable one, as in there was a toxic, hyper-excitability to it, meaning that it was almost within the state of complete insanity. This spirit was there to show this Serpent soul what should be.


As for me, this Steven, I feel awful, as in there is nothing here for me. Last week was touched by the insanity of those around me, and I told my wife, and others, that the secret to Life is communication. Talk to others so that there may be no misunderstandings, but to the insane this natural law of communication is not present, as it would mean they would have to see themselves in the viewpoint from another, so like cowards they cannot face the truth from another. I told my wife that I need a few days to walk away from the insane of the illusion, and I was right, because after about three days there was no emotion felt towards the fools who feel they are always the victims of Life – always right; never wrong; never shameful for what their insanity shows for all to see. These narcissists are no longer around me, as in my spirit gives them no attention/energy. They are now on a different frequency to mine.


So where too from here I don’t know. My job as a healer is done as the spirits within the illusion can now heal themselves, where they are connected to the Infinite that is within and without.

I am awful at predictions, but what I feel will happen – and I say this because I see it happening around me – is that those within the illusion will start seeing themselves for what they are, meaning they will look in the Truth mirror and see what they have become. That bubble of Nastiness and I Am Invincible will burst when the Truth/Infinite makes its presence felt, making the frequency of the illusion that we have come to see as normal change to a state that we have not felt for a long time, namely an everlasting peace.


Last week I felt so ashamed as I found myself in a corner that the injustice and insanity of Life pushed me into. I asked my wife for help, as in advice, and when she did not understand the seriousness of my request I told her that she can handle the fucking problem.

May that be the last time I ever swear. My disgusting behaviour made me feel ashamed of myself as I was not big enough to understand that we are now in a position, after all this time, where we can pass our troubles over to Divine intervention and we will be helped, so I need to let go to this Love before I lose my sanity. This I have done, and I am thankful that after all this time the Infinite is revealing itself.


Where too from here I don’t know. Is it too surreal that Life as we have come to know it will transform for the better? Do we just expect to be dropped down a notch, be it through a World War or famine or some other catastrophic event? Is it impossible that we rather go the other way, where we are uplifted to where we belong and naturally are what we should be? This has never happened before, so why should it happen now?

The other night in my sleep state I saw this group of Watcher spirits fly off away from me – I saw them in the far off distance. I believe that these all-powerful entities are tired of being in control. They want peace, just like the majority of us want. But nothing was ever going to change unless we understood who and what we are, and what happened before the beginning of time that we all got into this mess. Through understanding, a picture may be made of what should be, and it is to this picture – what should naturally be – that all will return. This is happening, and I say so because I see those from the shadows of the spirit realm who are drawn to this understanding of what should naturally be.


How will all of this affect you and me? Well, for now I feel absolutely awful. What I also feel is my life is no longer in my hands. My lack of faith from not being touched by the Divine for so long has made me reluctant to get excited over this Love of Semiramis and the Infinite who are now amongst us.

What happens next I don’t know. I have felt the presence of God/Love in the dog called Bubbles, but this has yet to touch this Steven who sits here typing these words. I have been lost forever, and I know this alone state is filled by the presence of another. Let’s see where they take us.

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I no longer feel the disharmony in those I heal and then remove it. What happens now, is the grace of God is placed within them. This is my God, and not the god of some book or preacher, as I met her when she was insane, and in understanding how she became to be in this state, the process may be reversed, and she may be what she was before everything went upside down in her illusionary Garden.


This presence of a God of Love is out there. All you need to do is connect to it and you are in God’s hands.

That we are once again feeling the presence of this God in her pure state is beyond what words can describe.


I am forever thankful that we are no longer lost and alone.

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Last night as I slept felt the acid/bitterness being drawn from my spirit and body form. Experienced the cornerstone of my fear, namely going to write an exam and didn’t study for it. This state is no longer within me.



When I closed my eyes to sleep last night I saw these Black people. They were more figurines, in that their body form structures were long and elongated. The first one I saw took his spear to my throat and intricately removed something from there.

These were entities that do not need verbal communication, as their presence and actions are all that is needed to understand them. The word “Mighty” comes to mind.



Last night went to bed asking the fair question: “What about me?”

To stand back to see the big picture one has to selfless, where there can be no “me,” but rather a “we.” What touches you will touch me, and vice versa. We are in this together, so to understand the source of our dilemma one has to put aside our personal wants until the package is restored as it should. Only then can we pick up our small package and move on.


What I write is a journal and not a book. It is not to put my point across to others; it is for me to understand this mess we were in. I could never rest until I understood, because when one understands one may move forwards from there.

Now I understand – really I do. My job for the “we” has been done. Now it is about me, but it never stops with me. “Okay, I am now okay, now do what you done to me to them, them and them – to everyone that requires peace.”


This morning as I was beginning to wake up was shown this image. It was of a car packed full of people in our garage about to be driven somewhere.

There is nothing worse than being in a place where you don’t belong, and this is how I have felt for a long, long time. We have helped those that needed help, so that they may be in a position to help us. Now they can start showing us the goods.


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The question one has to ask is where does the spirit belong, in other words, where is its Home? We were created/manufactured to look after the Serpent soul within – we were born to accomplish a task; we were not born into a Home. With our creation the illusionary Garden – which should have been a refuge for all that dwelled therein – this Garden fell in a catastrophic way, so any hope of what was there was no more.


We the spirit do not have a Home. We were manufactured for a task, rather than been born into a safe-haven where we were looked after no matter what. As a group we should have sticked together, where I care about you and you care about me. This would have helped in the sense we would have not felt isolated and alone, but each of us pursued our own direction, and what was a sisterhood and brotherhood became no more.

The reality of our uncertainty became known as anxiety, where to open the door and step out into the world each morning became a palpable task. “You can do this!” became our mantra each morning before we opened the garage door to drive out into the world to do what needed to be done to survive. Holding hands and being there for each other would have helped tremendously, but individually we never had the strength to look after ourselves, let alone another.


We have no ship to climb onto because we have no coordinates of a location that we can call Home. Yes, we belong in the fields of Infinite Love and not in the illusion, but I would like to be realistic and live in this body and spirit forms carrying my Home with me – as in I am permanently Home.

We need to be realistic by noting that peace can never be attained unless the grounding is within us that we are Home and belong. Let’s not look to the big picture right now, but rather to the reality of where we are. How do we get up each morning knowing we are Home, where we feel grounded and at peace in a place where we don’t belong?

What makes sense to me, is to turn to the gift the Infinite bestowed upon us so that we may remember who and what we are. We are Consciousness – what I would call this speck of Light; this strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness located at our throat area. We are this, and in being in this state we are Home, regardless which planet/frequency within the illusion we find ourselves in, but how do we become what we naturally are so that we may be Home? As said, look to the gift the Infinite sent to us. The Infinite sent a Glow; what looked like a golden light, for all to see what they are, where by seeing themselves they may know themselves. “That’s me! Okay, I understand, now I am me.” That simple understanding never worked, as Semiramis in her insane state stood behind the Glow so that all within the illusion may associate her with the Glow. Now she became the answer, where we would follow her out of this mess. The critical aspect to understand here, is when we saw the Glow, we understood that this is what we are, as in this is where we belong, but we bowed down to Semiramis, meaning we gave our power/understanding of the Glow to her so that she may lead the way. In the Infinite there is no hierarchy and sense of purpose, as everything is just as it is, and within the illusion in those early days we also understood this concept, but bowing down to Semiramis changed everything. This act of lowering our heads in reverence to another created what we would call a “God.” Something bigger than us would care for us and make sure we were always okay, and the reason for this is we gave away to Semiramis what the Glow bestowed upon us. The Infinite flatlines everything, where we are all equal, where dare I say it – we are all Gods. Within the Infinite are Creators that play with creation and produce because they can and because it is Beautiful, but we all return to the stillness of the silence of the Source of the Infinite – a state of bliss that words cannot describe.


The way out of overcoming our anxiety of not having a Home to return to – remember, I am being realistic and talking about the current location of the spirit and body form – the way to feel at Home and at peace is to take back what the Glow gave to us that we passed onto Queen Semiramis. I would say that she passes this state back to us, and this can be done as she is no longer insane. This lady is super-potent and powerful, an so are you and I. Equate power to peace and you will understand what I am talking about.

Expect to receive the presence of this Glow that was made available to all within the illusion. This Glow is still there, we just need a facilitator to pass it onto us as in our limited states we do not fully understand this concept.


Open yourself to receive this gift from the Infinite so that we may remember what we are. This strand of Godness; this Consciousnes is within our midst, but we have forgotten what we are, thus cannot embrace this Consciousness and become it. I would say Consciousness has forgotten what it is – this speck of Light cannot remember what it is. By seeing the Glow it will see itself and everything will be as it should. For this to happen, the one that annexed the Glow had to return to her original state of Love. This has been done. Now she may sow these Seeds back to us.


Expect to receive so that we may know what it feels like to be Home – to be at peace, where we are Conciousness and one with everything. The absence of this state has made me feel like a fish out of water – afraid of this illusionary place that once was a beautiful Garden.

How does Semiramis restore peace to her Garden, so that those within may return to where they belong? – By returning the Glow to all.

Her Garden was never meant to be a permanent fixture – it was just a place to go and play. What was a paradise turned to a nightmare by the presence of the parasite of Deception, but this is old news. Let’s just return to what is real, and the presence of the Glow is our stepping stone to accomplish this task.

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Over the last few days when I sit on the couch, just to do nothing, I feel the DNA chromosomes of my dad come to the fore within me. In other words, in myself, I feel him.

What I feel is a man who is irritated with all and sundry; a man who has no bond with another Human being –in short, a man who has no link with another, either because they cannot form an association with their fellow species or have no desire to do so.


This is not me, as I understand that Life is about relationships – companionships; where we enjoy spending our time in the company of another.


So last night during my sleep state I saw myself in what appeared to be a large, busy terminal of sorts. I saw my sister walking towards me, so I went another way to avoid her, and along this new path I saw my dad sitting at a table. I sat down with him to confront him about I don’t know really what, and of course I became emotional to the point where things almost became physical.

Then I woke up from this incident and lay in bed wondering what the hell was that all about. My first assumption was that it was an implanted dream, as I knew something or somebody was pulling my strings, so I called forth Semiramis to sort out whatever the hell had just happened.


Now, when I look back on the goings on during my sleep state, I understand that those in the spirit realm were cleaning up shop within this Steven. What defined me to a large extent, as in the chromosomal frequency of my parents when they produced me, was removed from my forms.


To those of you that were blessed by having others in your life that uplifted you and only wished for the best for you, then blessed are you. In my eldest daughter I see my hard outer core, and I see the rough edges of a cousin who I have met maybe three times in my life, yet the similarities are unquestionable.

All of this is the crap we have picked up from our lineage, and my experience is we pick up more of the bad than the good. My advice is open yourself up to have your shop cleaned out – this DNA lineage that makes up the mixed bag that we are. You are not this programming – you are Consciousness. For this state that you are to naturally come to the fore one needs to understand what you are not. You are not this body with its needs and wants. You are a spirit that was created/manufactured by the Love of a God to look after her Beautiful Serpent kin. Move towards this spirit of Love that had no identity or calling except to show your kind heart to this Serpent child within. How one achieves this state is to allow Consciousness to come to the fore, and how this is done is through the Love of Semiramis that returns the Glow from the Infinite so that Consciousness may remember what it is.


We are returning to what we were when we were produced by Love, and along the way the Glow is once again bestowed to us from Queen Semiramis.

Now blessed are we all.

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The message to my spirit last night during my sleep state was that the spirit must not debate with others.

At first glance one wonders what does one take from such a simple remark, but when you scratch the surface to reveal what lies underneath, what lies there is the foundation for our sanity that we are asked to let go of.


The antidote to insanity is reason, where we say “Hold on; wait a minute; what’s going on here!,” and from there we reason with what we have just seen or heard to make sense of it. Now the debate is in full swing to counter the insanity so that we may have perspective to maintain our sanity.


This is no longer allowed to happen – we are not allowed to reason; to debate. Sounds easy, yet it is excruciatingly difficult, and why this is so, is it means we walk away from all we have ever known, namely the insanity of the illusion. We walk away from our brothers and sisters and we leave them with the turmoil of their own psyche. We walk away because there is nothing more we can do for them – there is nothing more to say; nothing to debate about.

When these moments present themselves to you, where you no longer debate to keep the scales of the illusion in equilibrium so that this illusionary realm doesn’t turn into an apocalypse – when these moments arrive you will understand the heaviness of heart in walking away from those that don’t quite get it and have no real intention to really try as well. You walk away knowing they will be that bug that hits the car windscreen and goes splat and there is nothing you can do about it, because it is their life and not yours, and you cannot live their life for them. “Well, we can be there for them.” For what? For them to pull you down with their ship! All we can do is send them our Love and let them know it is always there for them, but to debate; to talk, is something we can no longer do.


What this is asking of us is to walk away from the illusion, and when push comes to shove, for many it is better the devil you know than the unknown. And that is why when the door began to open with the writings of this journal, where there is finally a way out of this mess, it was brothers and sisters within the unseen realm of the illusion that put back the layers that were peeled away to reveal the truth. It was my own kin that were willing to destroy me so that things may remain how they always have been because familiarity breeds contentment within them. And this no doubt must be an indicator of their own insanity within them, where they cannot see the shameful demise of those before them within the illusion – this same fate that will befall them if nothing gets done to make an about-turn before there is a collision from which they will never fully recover from.


Walk away, and in doing so, may we be an example to those left behind, where they see what is normal and they may choose sanity over insanity. But be warned, this walking away will test your own sanity, because we are not walking away from Beasts, but rather from loved ones.

May the Love of the Infinite guide them and protect them. May they never fall, as nobody deserves such a fate, as what awaits them is horrific.

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As I climbed the stairs to go and sleep in our bedroom last night I once again walked into the unseen – this place that I have come to understand during my sleep state over the last few years.

What I saw as I fell asleep were these group of children that I knew. Then something within them Glowed/Lit up, and in that moment they were once again children of the Infinite.


What the animals taught me was that within all there is a Love whose fountain is natural and real. We have forgotten this natural state that we all are – this real place that lies beyond the illusion.

I thank my friends for reminding me what is real – to never stop looking until we are Home. That shift within the unseen has been made, where those there are naturally where they belong within the fields of Infinite Love. The doorway has been opened, and for this I am eternally grateful. When or how this state touches those within the seen realms is anyone’s guess, but happen it will.

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I remember partaking in an ayahausca ceremony, where as I lay on the ceremony halls floor with the frequency of the Teacher Plant coursing through me, I heard a voice that said “remember who you are.” This statement would be repeated over and over to me, and to highlight the importance of what was said, those that spoke to me began to shake me so that I would “wake up” and remember what I am. My physical body shook from side to side as I lay in my trance state as someone tried to wake me up so that I may remember what I am.


Who or what was speaking to me was not talking to my spirit, but rather to the strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness located at our throat area.

It look me a long time to figure that one out – what a crap journey it has been.


This morning – around mid-morning – I felt the change within the strand within all Life within the illusion. This strand/Consciousness that through our limited vision looks like a speck of light about 2mm in length – this silver speck became infused with the Golden Glow that the Infinite bestowed upon us before the beginning of time so that we may remember what we are. We passed on our Glow to Semiramis as she falsely associated herself with this presence in her insane state where she seeked dominance over all.

This Glow has been returned to Consciousness so that it may remember what it is – which is the essence from the Source of the Infinite.

2:34 PM 8th October, 2022


Let’s talk about the physical God of this reality of ours – that one thing we cannot do without; that something we strive to always have and be a part of; the one ingredient that is necessary for our survival, where without it we wither away and die.

If people talk to me about a God, my remark to them is there is only one tangible God in our reality, and that is money. I call it God because it is universally needed by all, where we cannot do and live without it. When you witness what others will do to be close to this God, you will understand that this God is the epitome of all that is rotten in the Human species. Our reverence to this God makes us blind to all that is Good within us, where we overlook kindness, compassion and consideration to another so that we may swim in the bountiful of this dear God that we have come to love so much. Now we have a partner in our twisted ways, where the more we have of our God, the happier we are. Our cups need to always runneth over with this God that we can physically touch and see, and to so many this is our focus throughout our existence, making sure this God is always a part of our existence. We do everything, first and foremost for this God, through which we define ourselves, as our success and happiness is determined by how big a part our God is in our lives.


And of course, as twisted and absurd the above sounds, there is a harsh reality and sad truth that without money we cannot survive. In the twisted, cruel world of the illusion money robbed us of our empathy to all life, where we lowered ourselves to a state far worse than the Beasts that controlled us from the shadows of the illusion. I have met the worst of the worst in the unseen realms, but none have come even close to the despicable nature of my fellow Human beings, and I say this because we should have known better. What others done to us and those we love we should never have done to another as we know how it feels to be touched by the cruelty of Life. To shame or destroy the life of another for the sake of wealth is beyond comprehensible, and yet we hold onto this God as we let go of all that makes us Good and Beautiful. This is how low we have fallen my friends, and that is why we are ruled by Beasts. We are below them because we are worse than them.


It is understandable that I didn’t really have the time or interest for this God, as I saw it for what it was, but this perception of mine was immature and naïve, because there is another side to this God, what I call “the power of money” that uplifts others and makes their lives much easier. Money was never important to me, in the sense that it never floored me that I had only enough to throw in petrol in my car to be a dad-taxi to my children. Of course I was shameful every time I could not contribute to a grocery bill or the once a year holiday, but to me understanding Life was the driving force within me and not money.

This is the child; the baby within Steven that never grew up to make sure that both money and understanding can live side by side, not as a necessity, but a natural progression.


The writings of this journal are approaching the nine year mark, where over this time period my focus was understanding the cruelty of Life. I have always understood that money can be a buffer to the unpleasantness out there, but I also understood that there would come a time where all the money in the world could not protect us from what was coming our way, as this force is above money and the seen realms. As the illusion began to fall apart we would be hit with parts of shrapnel the size of planets that would have caused panic in the spirit realms that would have pushed many to insanity. This state would have touched us in the seen realms, where one day we would be okay, and the next our lives would be shattered. This I would never allow to happen to my loved ones, so I focused on finding a way out of this mess, where nothing else mattered to me.

This was a mistake on my part. I should have focused on making money as well. Yes, making money takes time away from the journal, but I would have been happier if I had money, and this happiness would have uplifted me to write the journal in a state of happiness rather than despair. You see, not having money forced me to stay around insane Humans that had no consideration for those around them, including me and my family, and this was awful. Money would not have allowed this to happen, as I would have had a balanced life, and this I regret – where I was immature to not understand that I could have made money and written this journal. My naivety prevented balance in my life, where I went the unpleasant route instead of the uplifting one that balance brings to one’s life.


In the world of the sane allow money to flow into your life. What this money does, is it allows options into your existence. Before you could only do this – now you can do this, this and this.

Why am I saying all of this? – To allow the frequency of money into your life, so that it may uplift you and ultimately others. We do not dwell in our cave in the Himalayas with nothing but our loin cloth wrapped around us. We live in a reality that is consumed by materialism, so allow balance into your life. This balance involves nature, understanding and money. Ultimately, wealth will not bring happiness, but it is a building block to peace. How much money we need your sanity will tell you.


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We were born/created/manufactured to house the Serpent/Kundalini within. What this means, is there is no me; there is only a you, as in how are you the Serpent within.

We the spirit were the sphere to house the “child”/kin of God/Queen Semiramis. And that is basically it.


This was the role of our spirit – this is what we are.

The body form was created to keep the spirit in an endless loop, where the spirit enters the “physical” – which is an illusion within an illusion – so that Life-lessons may be learnt on our road towards perfection where we are one with our God of Love. This bullshit story was to trap the spirit so that a power source may be created to keep the illusion and those Beasts that dwell therein alive as it and they continue their plummet to The Nothingness of the Forgotten – this place where we forget ourselves and drift in limbo. I have seen this place and those that drift there, and let’s just say that it is sad/pathetic beyond.


There is a valid question through all of this that needs to be addressed, and that is “What about me?” Surely we the spirit are entitled to our happiness, where our wants and needs are bestowed upon us so that we may be at peace?

Peace where? – Within an illusion that is not real?


The only peace the spirit can ever attain is to be what it is, and how this is done is by the spirit knowing what it is. We the spirit were created to house Gods child within. That’s it! What this means is there is no me or you – there is only the Serpent/Kundalini within. We the spirit are nothing, and yet we are everything, as we were blessed with the task of looking after Gods precious cargo.

When I say that God/Queen Semiramis asked the cosmic geneticists to create our spirits to house her Serpent children, these Serpents are the kin of Semiramis – they were created, as she was, through the impact of the fall of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia from her place within the Infinite. It is like you staying in your house and you go outside now and then to attend to your vegetable garden. The two places are separate from each other, and so too there was a place within the Infinite that Sophia dwelled, and there was a place where she created the Dragon spirits so they may play within a field of the Infinite. Sophia exceeded the space of her home and fell in a playground within the Infinite. Her impact zone created the Serpent spirits, and there was nothing wrong with this. Semiramis (half Dragon, half Serpent) saw what Sophia had created for the Dragon spirits, and she too created a beautiful playground, but as Semiramis was not born from the Infinite, but was rather formed from the impact of Sophia’s fall, the playground/Garden of Semiramis was illusionary, as in not one with the Infinite.

And this also was okay.


It was the curiosity of the Dragon and newly formed Serpent spirits that stuffed everything up as they wondered what else was in this illusionary bubble that was not already in the Infinite, as never before was such an illusion created, as never before had a Creator fallen to produce Life from the impact zone of their fall. This curiosity took of a frequency within the illusionary Garden, with those within the Garden not aware of this parasitic frequency of Deception literally within them.

It was never the Snake that was the nemesis of the Garden, rather a worm, and this worm meant no harm – it merely took as this is what it was. This produced a take and want within the illusion, and let’s just say that the Devil was born. It was never some outside bad force – it was always within us, where we battled between our good hearts and a want within.


Let’s not talk in circles, but rather come back to what is important, which is “what about me?” How do we be happy; how do we have everlasting peace? This is a valid question and not a selfish one, because unless we are happy the illusion will continue to remain intact and fall.

You are happy when you are being you. Go back to basics, where we remove the curtains of the shadows to see what is. Know what you are, and what you are is a sphere of Love that was formed by the will of Semiramis/Gods Love to house her precious children/kin. That is what it means to be in the silence – where you do and say nothing, where you merely be this Love/vessel that God asked the cosmic geneticists to create.


Sounds great, but all I want is to be loved and looked after by something bigger than me that Loves me unconditionally. I want to put down my bag, go and lie on a bed and sleep, knowing that when I wake up all will be okay and as it should be.

How that is done is for the spirit to look within, and not without towards the illusionary realm. Go within and just be this Love that you were created to be. In this stillness of the silence you lose your name and identity, and you return to this sphere of Love. But this is also not you, as this spirit that you are was manufactured within the illusion. Within you the sphere spirit of Love is a strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness that arose from the Infinite. Look to this strand, and what you see you are. In that moment you the spirit are Home within the Infinite as this strand/Consciousness has remembered what it is. This was the ultimate disaster within the illusion – that this Consciousness came to forget what it was.


So what about us the illusionary body form?

Honestly I don’t know. All we truly want is to be loved and looked after by something bigger than us that Loves us unconditionally, where we know that no matter what, we will be okay, where we have peace and joy and happiness. Our nature is to smile rather than frown.

Too this task to fulfill our peace and happiness of our body form, look to your spirit and the strand within the spirit. It is to these two forms that this journal was written so they may know what they are. Their freedom from the illusion will ensure your freedom.


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The spirit looks within, and what we mean by this, is the spirit does not look outwards and give attention to the illusionary realm; rather it looks within towards the strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness. It’s like a clam shell closing, and we now exist within the clam shell rather than looking at what is without. Within is Consciousness which is real, and without is the illusion.

All we are offering is an altered state of awareness. Alter what you the spirit have always done in order to get a different outcome.


Last night in my sleep state my Third Eye opened to see this strange looking animal who positioned itself right against my wife’s head. It had this smile on its face – it was the size of a squirrel and was unknown to our world. As I looked at this animal I got x-ray vision where I could look inside this animals body – it was like I was taking MRI images. What I was shown was this worm going up inside this animals brain area, and when I saw this worm, I also felt it, and a few seconds later felt how it was no more.


Your spirit goes within and stays within. Thoughts may appear now and then, but just allow them to pass as you understand this is the rude intrusion from the illusionary realm. The silence within of where the spirit is, is real in terms of this is what the spirit was manufactured to be. From this state your spirit feels and understands the parasitic frequency of Deception in its midst. The spirit releases this worm with Love to Love, and in the moment this parasite that created a want within us is no more. To be free, this worm has to be free from us and we free from it. Nothing was ever going to change in the illusion that is without unless we cleaned up shop within, meaning going within allows us to see this worm and release it from our forms by understanding it is not meant to be, and most importantly, going within allows us to see the strand/Consciousness of what is real so that this strand with its golden glow may show us what Home looks like so that we the spirit and this strand may return to where we belong.


What has just been said above was done to those spirits around me last night during my sleep state. I felt the parasite within them, where in that moment they felt and understood what pulled us all away from the fields of Infinite Love as we looked towards the wants and desires of the mirage we call the Illusion.


With the worm gone, may your spirit find peace, where it knows that it is, and from there may it look towards the golden strand to guide it to be one with the Infinite.

Over the last few days I feel the Serpent soul within me as it moves around its canal within the presence of the spirit. May this child of God be released from the womb of the spirit, and may it return to the Serpent spirit from which it was cloned. Be at peace and at Home my beautiful friend. it has been one helluva ride – an existence with one big question mark always staring us in the face, asking “what went wrong that we found ourselves in this awful place?”

We understand, so the question mark is no more. May there be no more question marks. May we all start going Home.


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I understand the big picture, as to what happened at the very beginning that we got into this mess, but until yesterday I never really understood what made us cruel – where we feel it is our right to shame and destroy another, be they a complete stranger or someone who loves us more than Life itself.


What the parasitic frequency of Deception done was create a crack in a perfectly clear and pure crystal. That crack became the nemesis – the fault within the illusion, what we would call uncertainty, with its natural progression from this state to the dense frequency of fear.

Now we had to dig in and survive, where this uncertainty of not surviving amplified our fear state within. But also remember that we also looked to happiness and joy, which balanced the scales of our fearful state.


In order to survive and be happy, we created a world for ourselves with its boundaries and limitations, and in this world we strived to be happy. Now here is the rub: We created our world wherein what is important for us, and the emphasis is on our world, meaning I do whatever I want that makes me happy, as I am in my world. If you don’t fit into my world then I don’t like you, and once again, understand that this is my right not to like you as you have entered my world and thus I can do with you as I wish.

A good example of this is being married to my wife for twenty five years, and the current status of my seventeen year old daughter. The world they created is small, meaning they are naïve to what is out there. All they know of is their world, and in their world it is okay if they humiliate and shame those therein, because they are in their world and can thus do as they please. People like me, who loved them more than anything, were torn apart by them in their world – because they can. So what happens is I could not bear to be in their world, so I hanged around on the outside of their world, meaning I could no longer love them the way I should, but I could also not abandon them because they are everything to me in my world. So now I stop my spontaneous loving because this means I would have to allow them into my world, which I am not prepared to do as they hurt and destroy me. So you hang around on the outskirts of their world, as well as not allowing them into your world, because deep down you no longer like such a person. And as the days and months and years roll by you live a wasted life, never being happy as those around you feel it is their right – when you enter their world – for them to shame you. (Understand what “shame” is – it is a state where your character, self-worth and integrity are torn apart, where you physically and emotionally feel this breakdown of your spirit and persona.)


So what is the answer to the dilemma of not being around adults, but rather naïve people who live in a really small world – ones that do not open themselves up to more than what they have limited themselves to? The answer is to walk away; to no longer hang around on the outskirts of their world, and at the same time no longer live in your world that is empty and meaningless. On the spiritual plane, you walk away from those who see cruelty as their right as they are living in their world, and thus they can do what they want in this place.


This morning I told my wife I walk away from her and my eldest on the spiritual realms, where I no longer hang around and be miserable by finding myself around others who live in a very limited space that includes cruelty to others.

In my world that I created for myself I consider others as they would consider me, where I respect them as I have self-respect. The disaster with such a world is one is alone, as everyone else out there is too pre-occupied with the world they created for themselves. And so we all live in isolated bubbles, never really interacting and communicating with each other, because remember, this is my world and not yours.


In my world my primary focus was to make sure my wife and children were safe, where the cruelty and callousness of the world never touched them. What I never knew was they had already created their own world, and in this world shaming and destroying those closest to them was okay. What they don’t know is that in this small world they end up having nothing, as in no lasting, meaningful relationships. The emptiness and shallowness of their world soon becomes evident as they chase those away that meant something to them. This I see in others that have nothing because they are nothing, because they never knew, and had no real intention of finding out what it means to be kind. Now they drift, going into limbo, and when there is nobody but themselves left in their world, they face the task of having to look at themselves for the predicament they find themselves in. The question asked is: “Why were you cruel?” Sure, we all have bad days and do and say what we shouldn’t, but we know we were wrong and do our best not to make the same mistake again. Others see cruelty as the norm, and when faced with the question why they did what they done, there is no answer as to what gave them the right to destroy another. Now these fools find themselves in The Nothingness of the Forgotten, where they have forgotten themselves as they understand they dismissed the spark that makes us all Human, namely to be kind and considerate.


When my spirit walked away from the world of my wife and daughter this morning, I walked away as I could no longer live such a miserable life. On the physical plane of me the body form I am not rude or aloof to them – on the contrary, I am friendly, as within me is a peace through knowing they will never be able to hurt me again, as I chose to no longer be on the outskirts of their world, where I hanged around hoping they would be kind.

This walking away applies to all those in the illusion who are not kind.


Where does my spirit walk to?

When I am away from my animals I think of them and long for them, meaning I go without into the illusion wishing they were with me.

By going within, now when I am not with them, I call their spirits within to my space that is beyond the illusion, and in that moment we are together so there is no longing. By going within, the spirit is beyond the illusion and in Love, and in this place those I walked away from see me there. By showing them where I am, this is all I can do for them, and may this be enough for them to step out of their small worlds to what is real.


We chose the easy way – to lash out and be cruel and only think of ourselves. The difficult route was holding onto our sanity and good hearts as Beasts in the seen and unseen tried to pull us apart  just because they can – because in their world/mind they see this as normal.

What fools we were. What happiness ever comes from the unhappiness of another?


I have crossed that line. I am no longer in the worlds of others. I am in my world – the world of kindness, and the world that is within and not without, meaning this world is infinite rather than limited. In this world there is Love and no cruelty. In this world I find peace as I walk Home.




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In his book Stalking the Wild Pendulum: On the Mechanics of Consciousness, the author Itzhak Bentov mentions that a sign this Consciousness has awakened in another is when the right big toenail becomes blackened.

For me, this blackening of the toenail is indicative of the Serpent soul, our spirit, and our body form as they become grounded/united with the golden strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness. Until this happens to me, I am a fish out of water – afraid of this place where I find myself in the illusion.


On Saturday evening during my sleep state I was awoken by the presence of this spirit as she entered the room wherein I was sleeping. She was a short granny, and she entered the room and walked over to me where I was sleeping to come have a look at me. Of all those I have seen through my Third Eye during my sleep state over the years, this lady exuded the most evilness. I once again stress that I have seen the worst of the worst, but nothing has come even close to this lady. And yet, as I lay in bed looking at her, feeling the terror she was inflicting on my spirit, there was no fear within me, as I knew that my Goodness is real and she and her wicked ways are nothing.

Then how is it possible that when I stepped out of the house last night to give the garden some water that I was afraid of the world around me? The answer is that I don’t belong here, but that answer does nothing to remove my fear of this strange place occupied by many sinister and insane folk.

What my body form lacks is grounding, where I am rooted into this Love/Consciousness that is. This Steven is afraid because I don’t belong here, and what amplifies this fear is I have nothing to hold onto besides the love that I have for the animals. This love allows me to hold onto my sanity as I know with the animals my love is safe as in they cannot hurt me because their love is unconditional. But believe you me, in this strange place this love is not enough to ground us. We need to be rooted to what is beyond the illusion, and this is the strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness within.


Your spirit goes within and sees this golden strand/speck of Light what others call Consciousness. From there, the spirit makes a connection/bond to this strand by understanding this is who we really are. Now the spirit is grounded to what is real, and from there the spirit passes on this bond to the body form. Why the big toes nail become blackened is – I can only assume – is because this area of the spirit is a transformer that regulates the flow of Consciousness into the spirit and body form.

Bentov mentions that those in insane asylums that are there from the awakening of Consciousness within can be identified by this blackening of the toenail. These poor souls never understood what happened to them, and I can only assume don’t know what to make of this natural power within. By not understanding, this power is too much for them to handle, flipping them over to what we would call insanity.

It is not so much that I need power; rather I need grounding to what is real. To drift in this strange place is really no longer an option because all that happens is we get blown around like a candle in the wind.


The spirit understands this mess called Life. Now it grounds itself to Consciousness, and this grounding is passed onto the body form. When this happens to this body form called Steven then this journal is over, as now the ship finally has a rudder to steer it Home. What happens to me will happen to all should they wish this so.

As for the Serpent soul within, the awakening of Consciousness within it will steer it to the Serpent spirit from where it was cloned. These mighty Serpent spirits, what I would call the kin of Queen Semiramis, were knocked out into slumber as they hit the dense frequency of the illusion as the Garden began to fall apart. These spirits will be awakened by the Serpent souls, and from there they will return to the impact zone within a field of the Infinite wherein they were born. There they will be waited for and Loved until it is their moment to return to the Source of the Infinite, where they no longer play in the fields, but now return to be one with what is.


Whatever happened to the Dragon spirits and souls that also fell with the Serpents from the Garden I don’t know. My guess is someone set them free and returned them to where they belong. All that was left was for the Serpent spirits and those that dwelled within the illusion to follow suit. When the big toenail becomes blackened in those that dwell in the dense frequency of the illusion, then this exodus back Home has begun and this journal will be complete.  



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Everything that has been written in this journal has been for the spirit, because in this realm is where the action takes place. What happens in the spirit realm filters down to us the body form and our dense “physical” realm. Of course what affects the body form can influence the uninformed spirit.


If there is one thing I have come to understand through the opening of my Third Eye, is what we perceive of the unseen realms of the spirit world, as in what we believe and would like to think is there, is the complete opposite to what is really going on in the shadows of the spirit realm. Yes, when our spirit leaves the body form for good and enters the less dense spirit realm, our first reaction must be that all the crap we have just experienced in the dense world has been worth it, because where we are now, as in this home of the spirit, this place is beautiful.

I say this because what my spirit was shown as I saw my moms’ spirit as it entered this realm was truly a place of splendour. It is a place of magnificence with no up or down or left or right. The depth and wonders of what is there words cannot describe, except to say that beyond this vision is the harsh reality of those that understand and have made their own the Reptilian frequency of the illusion. Here are the real players and dwellers of the spirit realm; those who understand that cruelty and deception run the show, rather than some pissy belief of a God that loves us more than anything and yet does nothing to help us. Talk about holding onto straws, where tomorrow everything will be alright. It will never be alright until we understand what went wrong at the very beginning that we found ourselves in this mess. From there we can make a wrong right by understanding what should be. That is why when I needed to understand why Life is so cruel I knew I had to find the answers myself, because nobody had the answer that made sense to me – if there was someone within the worlds of the illusion I would have found them, but even there, it would have not been necessary to find them as their understandings would have transformed the illusion for all, and Life would be turning to what is should be, rather than continue to plummet to zero moral integrity and consideration for all. There are those that say what I say, yet I needed the fine detail of why we are where we dont belong, and why did our God of Love turn her Love to a twisted love that hurts like hell.


My gauge for what I write is through what I see during my sleep state through my Third Eye. If I see Beasts I understand there is more to understand, as my proximity to those that rule the illusion tells me I am still stuck therein. And so the years rolled by, where I lived in the night to understand the unseen. My spirit was clever enough to ask permission from Queen Semiramis if I could make sense of the Chaos of her illusion, as I knew she could have squashed me like a bug anytime she wanted. She agreed to this, but I was on my own, meaning what happens to me is my problem and not hers. No intervention would come when the Beasts decided to attack as they felt threatened by my spirits presence, as in I am not allowed to see this place that only allows those that have integrated the Reptilian frequency into their psyche, meaning you accept you are a Beast and have no interest in another alternative to what you are. Love and kindness are thrown out the window as you ride the wave of take and destroy because you can. In having your wants met whenever and wherever is euphoria, but having our pleasures fulfilled makes us short-sighted, where we live in the now, not seeing what is around the corner.  The fine print never told these fools that The Nothingness of the Forgotten awaits them – this place where we forget ourselves; we forget what is real; we forget that kindness is the food to the soul, that companionship defines who and what we are. Upliftment counts, not destruction.


Last night in my sleep state I was taken to a hidden realm, where Beauty still exists within the illusion. For how long it would have remained there is debatable, and it is also sad that these places have to be hidden, where they exist in secret.

Over the last week have also been shown images, which tells me the Infinite is aware of our plight and knows what needs to be done.

I believe that I would truly understand what changes this journal has done to the spirit realm if this body form was deceased, and I say this because it is me this body form to which Steven is in tune with, and this is so that I may survive in this dense plane.

What I am trying to say is that it has all been about the spirit and the spirit realm, so that those therein may go Home to the fields of Infinite Love rather than go around in a loop between less dense and denser planes of existence. By the spirits understanding, as well as being where they should be, this automatically lifts up the dense physical world, but for me this is not enough.


So when the spirit goes within and connects to the golden strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness, what others call Consciousness, there is a band between this state of what is within, and what is without, as in the helter-skelter of the illusion.

The spirit now drops this band so that there is no division, so what is within touches that which is without. Now everything changes for you the manufactured spirit as well as the body form, because the strand to which you are attached touches all within the illusion, which removes that which should not be. Now there is no stutter; no hindrance from what has always been there, meaning the natural flow to who and what we are may begin.

To go within is great, but it means nothing, because all we do is block off the bad, as do those where I went to last night during my sleep state.

Throw open the gate between what is within and without, and understand that you will be okay as Consciousness is guiding you and showing you the way – it sees what is, and in the moment what should be is there. To be free there can be no division and separation. Throw open the playing field and from there be drawn to where you belong, and here I am talking about us that dwell within the dense planes of the illusion, rather than talking solely to the spirit.


I know what I am; I am Love. I just need a higher source to guide me to where I belong, and the strand within is that.

Remove all barriers so that this Consciousness may see the big picture and return us the spirit and body form to where we belong. No more suffering and hardship – just being what we are and where we belong.  



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The story of Pinocchio, is for me, a representation of the plight of those that found themselves trapped in the illusion through the parasite within that created a dense/unknown state within them and in the Garden of Semiramis.

“Hi diddly-dee, an actor’s life for me…..” The wooden puppet that was now a boy, stepping out into the world with enthusiasm and joy, wanting nothing but to be happy – that is the image I always see when I think of the story of Pinocchio.


There is something we need to understand, that Consciousness knows nothing about the illusionary hell of the illusion in which we find ourselves. The purity, the joy, the enthusiasm – all that is there – but this strand knows nothing of the ways of evil and how to deal with that. As with the story of Pinocchio, around the first corner this innocence will be burnt to a crisp and get used and abused.


As I have always said, we need help, and that does not mean sitting on our arses doing nothing. We need to work together as one to get out of this mess. One cannot sit back while the rest do their best. The Serpent soul within needs to walk side by side with Consciousness so that this strand can be street-smart to the ways of the illusion. Our spirit needs to hurry up – chop-chop – and return to what it was originally. We the body form need to hold onto our sanity and be balanced individuals, meaning be kind to yourself and all around you.

And then of course there is Queen Semiramis and The Wisdom Goddess Sophia. This God and a Creator need to shine brightly to be our lighthouse as we avoid the storm and rocks. Without their help we will never make it. The innocence in our basket – the real us – is Consciousness, and it is this star that can take us Home, but without Sophia and Semiramis as a beacon there is no way out of Hell. These two ladies need to pull finger out arse and get their acts together. Until Consciousness is connected to them we are going nowhere.



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9 hours ago, steven geldenhuys said:



There is something we need to understand, that Consciousness knows nothing about the illusionary hell of the illusion in which we find ourselves. – all that is there – but this strand knows nothing of the ways of evil and how to deal with that.



It could be because of yourself that you don't really know anything. I think I have already mentioned that human constructs are not the answer. It left enough traces. To leave it all behind.

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The message from the unseen to Steven is plain and simple: “YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE!” These brutes that have made the illusion their own, where they love playing dirty, have stopped me in my tracks. Before I explain how, let’s talk about why. Why would Beasts want to remain in Hell, knowing they are in a place where they don’t belong – knowing they will meet their demise in The Nothingness of the Forgotten? The answer I would say is threefold: They like it here; if someone leaves the illusion they would have to look at themselves and see what they have become; and lastly, but certainly not least, they could never imagine themselves being wrong, as in everything they have come to believe and hold within them as true has all been false, as in not true, as in bullshit to fool themselves that the cruelty they are inflicting on others is okay, because their belief is this is the only way, so it must be okay.


Now that we know why, let’s talk about how, so that these eighty pound bullies can disappear into the wasted space that they are.


When the parasitic frequency of Deception took over those within the illusion and created a want within them, there were others  that were big enough to say that this want state was not them, as in they were Goodness, so they brushed this titillation aside and continued to hold onto their integrity.

What the ultimate want was, was power over others, as this want gave these fools the euphoria of a god status, where they were on a high – walking on cloud nine – twenty four seven. Nothing was allowed to upset this invincible feeling, so those that kept to what they originally were, namely Purity and Love, these upstarts were a threat, if not an embarrassment to these “kings with no clothes on,” whose might came from their belief they are mighty and nothing else. “Look how beautiful and exalted I am.” Sorry dude, but actually you are a nothing.

Now here comes the really sad and bad part, namely how beings of Love were suppressed within the illusionary Garden so that the insane may take over and call this illusion home. I say what I am about to say as I saw how they suppressed the “last man standing,” what we the spirit would see in our limited vision as a funky polar bear – black shades and an attitude to go with them. Within the Garden this being that I call Earl became the Keeper of the Innocent and Giver to those that are worthy as the cracks in the false utopia of the Garden became palpable, where nobody could be trusted to watch your back. As others saw what others had, this want became a tangible thing, where the focus became solely about me, as in “am I okay and fuck you.” The more we got the more we wanted, until we came to love this game of "take because I can." It is not so much that I need it or want it – it is that you are not allowed to have it, because I want more than you, so it’s mine.


I saw one night in my sleep state how they cornered and outnumbered Earl, and as they pinned him down, they scattered these short, thick, white worms into his face. I have seen the same being done to my spirit during my sleep state, where through my Third Eye I witness the fools within the unseen as they make sure my spirit remains suppressed as they are happy, where by me exposing the truth there is the certainty that they will see for themselves what they have become and the lie they have lived. “Deep down I know I know nothing, which does not even make me a something, so I will live a lie believing I am this character that is cruel, and this is okay, because there are so many like me that have embraced the Reptilian frequency of the illusion.”

Wrong you fuckers. Didn’t you even try and be nice?


Insanity became the norm, and this is how the illusion has been going since the last man standing was pinned down and suppressed. My spirit has been to worlds where there is nothing left there except a parasite. Worlds have come and gone, with the cosmic geneticists creating the weird and “wonderful,” all the while those within the illusion believing all is okay.

I told you the illusion is run by insanity!


The question I should have asked, which I didn’t until I really had to, which is now, is what are these white worms that sap our energy to the point where we are helpless? By understanding them, one can neutralize and set them free from the illusion.

A few hours ago my energy was so depleted I could do nothing but lie down. Then I felt the white worm bored within the left cheek of my spirit. So it is now that I go into the space of this worm so that I may understand it and its kin, to take away the power of these Beasts and turn them back into the eighty pound weaklings that they are – filth that has no place in the presence of Love and Innocence.


The power-mad and insane cosmic geneticists created these white worms, and what they are, are frequencies that draw the frequency of the heart energy field of the spirit, making this gift worthless. Our armour; our shield from disharmony was taken from us, and this was the primary role of these worms. What is an essence within the Infinite came to be a frequency within the illusion, and these frequencies, no matter how pure and untouched they were, could be played with and countered by the insane geneticists.

When things became really bad, and Semiramis knew her children were in the process of being wiped out, she restored these heart energy fields, but to whom I am uncertain. Were there “God’s chosen ones” that were manufactured/created to look after the Serpent souls, or was the heart energy field returned to all? The answer is really irrelevant as the want took all over, where it became everyone for themselves and dog eat dog, meaning we all fell as we strove for the high that fed the want, being it wanting to be right, or the high that drugs, sex, or that piece of cheesecake gives us.

I am not knocking down me or my fellow inhabitants of the illusion, as I understand we have all stuffed up, but there comes a time when we say “enough! – let’s grow up and go Home.”


What I do know is that the cosmic geneticists created terror, as in they unleashed cruel Beasts amongst us. The monsters of our history that ruled over nations were created/manufactured for this task, and these fuckers were powerful. It must have been during the first or second year of my Third Eye being opened that my spirit found itself looking out over a scene. There were thousands of workers doing manual labour, and standing amongst them was a man with wings. He had the power over millions. He saw my spirit looking at him, so he covered his face with his hand so that I could not see what he was about to do, and then I saw these hieroglyphic images coming towards me from this man. He began to attack me with frequencies, and then I knew that I found myself in the time of ancient Egypt.

The terror from the creations of the cosmic geneticists was so that we may all know our place – remember, you are worthless and nothing!


I have known of these white worms for some time now, and I knew they were to suppress, but I never knew what they targeted. By understanding them they are no more, and our heart energy field is restored to what it should be.


As we breathe air within the illusion – something we are not consciously aware of until we block our noses – so too is there a natural state within the Infinite that is there but the spirits are not aware of as it is so taken for granted. In our limited expression we would call this state within the Infinite a tree – the Tree of Life. It does not give Life, but merely is. This Tree of Life is within all, and in this dense plane we would see this Tree in the form of our bronchioles within our lungs. If we talk about the heart energy field, we are talking about this Tree that is everywhere, as the Infinite is everywhere. The heart energy field, or Tree, was bestowed upon the spirits that were to house the Serpent souls so that these spirits may always be grounded to what is, namely the Infinite. Semiramis misjudged the depths to which the illusion and those therein would fall, and we forgot about this Tree – our good hearts that is Home.

Consciousness; the strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness, is the essence around which all Life is created, and this strand around which life exists stays within the Tree that is the Infinite. Where is the representation of the Infinite? – Within the heart energy field, which is the Tree of Life as this is the Infinite.


Turf the white worms by understanding them and then putting them aside. Home and Semiramis and Sophia are within you – look to the Tree and there is Home.

That is why Consciousness forgot itself - because the Tree was removed by the white worms. Now it was alone and lost, and now the party and hell could be unleashed within the illusion.


The party is over.




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For me, survival meant finding yourself in a place where you don’t belong. If you are where you are meant to be, then you express and be the joy that you are, as the platform is set where you belong, where Life is Beautiful and so are you, and what makes this beauty is the peace within you that shines forth.

In survival mode we find ourselves in isolation, as in we are alone and not Home, so the biggest dilemma with survival mode is our state of aloneness, as we are not whole as we don’t belong in this place that is not Home.

That is why companionship is the cornerstone of our psyche, be it the local tennis club, the familiar faces at the local pub, or the spouse we wake up next to every morning.


We are not meant to be alone, as loneliness is the biggest destroyer of the psyche of us the body form. I crave isolation as I see people for what they are, and I would rather be alone than in their company, but then I will find a friend in nature, where being in its presence is enough. Let’s be realistic and say there is nothing better than longing for another, and when you meet them it means the world to you to sit in their company and listen to what they have to say. There must be something seriously wrong with me and my wife because we can’t find friends. Maybe it is because all we have to offer is friendship and nothing else – I have nothing to give you but my time and heartfelt interest in who and what you are.


This journal has come a long way since its inception, with answers being given to the alone and lost states of Consciousness, the Serpent soul within and our spirit. These three know themselves and what is real, and the more they are in the presence of Consciousness in its awakened/natural state, the more the spirit and the kundalini/Serpent force allow the illusion to disappear from their space.


What is left is us the body form – this holographic image projected into the holographic world. Where do we belong so that we may find peace? So many of us were born of savages, meaning we lost all connections to Beauty that feeds us and our soul by merely being in the presence of this Wonder before our eyes. We the programmes were manufactured to draw the attention of the spirit so that the spirit may have the opportunity/vehicle to get things right so that it may better itself. With the flaw/crack/parasite within the illusion the spirit was up against a System that failed before it even began, so the will and perseverance of the spirit became worn out as it failed just as the System was a failure.


What happens to us the holographic body form?

Last night in my sleep state I was shown a man riding a horse. He got off the horse to fix his shoes that were worn out. In the next scene I was looking for this man, and I found him lying on the inside of a picket fence with no clothes on freezing to death. I bent down to hold him to keep him warm and felt the coldness of his body.


Over the years when times were really bad, I decided that if I had to go as this place was not worth staying in, I would have gone to a place that was cold and lay down and died there. Nobody knew about this besides me, so who tapped into my psyche last night during my sleep state to know of my deepest thought that I shared only with myself?

The reality is what we the body form are is a programmed hologram. That goldfish you see swimming in that small glass bowl – that is me and you in our world making the best of what we have. We are limited by our programming and we are not real – we are an illusion.


What will happen to us the programmed holographic body form I cannot tell you because I don’t know. All I can say is something bigger than us knows about us and our plight. What their plans are with us – your guess is as good as mine.

Consciousness, the spirit and the kundalini/Serpent soul are sorted and returning to the state of what they are and where they belong. All that is left is us the body form and this holographic world in which we find ourselves. What the future holds I cannot say, except that others see us and our plight. May their presence be felt so that we may belong and be at peace.   



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How do I resist those who constantly use methods to drop my vibration back into a broken, half dead state? I experience this often at work. It does not matter of I am being obedient, or rebellious. I always have bosses that know how to make me lose despite my best effort. I have tried many methods to resist and some are downright crazy. Laying down for a brief time seems effective. Kindof hard to do at work lol

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It is now that I write for us the biological computer – this frequency that we will call the Human body form that is an illusion within an illusionary realm.

As long as the spirit realm, the Serpent soul within and Consciousness were in shit, it is fair to say that we were going nowhere, as in never finding peace and contentment. I have done all I can for these three so that there may be an understanding as to what went wrong – unintentionally and intentionally – and now it is for them to return to what they naturally are and where they belong.

That we the body form were created in a blink of an eye and as an after-thought by the cosmic geneticists I have no doubt. That we have been blocked and dumbed down over the ages by those that created/manufactured us I also have no doubt. To sit and wait and hope that others come and save us is something I am not prepared to do. Man-oh-Man – to go from zero to hero is as easy as flipping a switch; the lights were off, and voila, now they are on. That is how easy it is to transform what is to what should be. The trick is to understand what was done to turn the switch off and what was done when the lights were out.


What is pasted below between the italics was written – I am guessing – about five or six years ago in the journal:


“Dr. Berrenda Fox is a holistic practitioner of the Avalon Wellness Centre in Mt Shasta, California.  In an interview with Patricia Resch, Dr. Fox stated the following:


“Everyone has one double helix of DNA. What we are finding is that there are other helixes that are being formed. In the double helix there are two strands of DNA coiled into a spiral. It is my understanding that we will be developing twelve helixes.


I am working with three children right now who have three DNA helixes. These are children who can move objects across the room just by concentrating on them, or they can fill glasses of water just by looking at them. They’re telepathic. You would almost think by knowing these children that they are half angelic or superhuman, but they’re not. I think they are what we are growing into during the next few decades.”


Dr. Fox goes on to say that by forming additional DNA helixes, that there will be no disease, and we will not need to die.


This may explain the sudden push of genetically modified food onto the Human race. Those in the shadows know that we are going to naturally evolve, so they are doing their best to alter our DNA through their genetically modified food before we naturally become superhuman.

The bugger up is that the infinitesimal light in the darkness that we call our active genes was so flawed and re-wired that we are barely living on a thread. I made a joke where I said that if someone farts too loud around us we fall over with a virus, but you cannot believe how close I am to the truth in making such a crass statement.

There should be no genetic predisposition, especially as a tool to “experience and learn” in this frequency. Take away all your airy-fairy explanations of Life, and know that when you come down from the clouds and place your feet on planet Earth that there is no comprehensible sound explanation as to why children, adults, animals and the environment need to experience suffering.

If you love your children, then there is no way that you would ever want them to experience suffering and hardship. Likewise, no loving god would allow his creations to suffer. Take away your pathetic beliefs and holier than holy indoctrination and know that we have been lied to and led astray, and one of the major ways in achieving this is to make us an extremely fragile and unbalanced species.”


We have all heard about the “junk” DNA within us – that about 90% of DNA that is unused. The turning back on of what was suppressed means nothing to me unless it is delivered from a place where we belong. Being superhuman means we can play with reality, but there will come a time when we have played enough and would just like to go Home.

What makes sense is to be Home, play, and when you are tired of playing, be at one with the Home where you are, and remember, I am talking about us the biological computer. We do not need Divine Intervention; we need Divine Upliftment, and how this is achieved is to understand ourselves.


Where is Home within us?

I attended about three ayahausca ceremonies, and in the one I got up from lying on the floor in my altered state to go and tell the people outside the door to shut the fuck up. As I was talking to this one guy, out the corner of my eye I saw the man standing just to the right and a few feet away from us. I saw this man in his true state, and what I saw were waves and frequencies that made up his body form. There were layers of frequencies to him rather than one solid state.

Remember this as we consider altering us the biological computer so there is a natural flow to us rather than a blocked and disharmonious one.


When I ask where is Home within, and from there go into the stillness of the silence, what I find is nothing, as in frequencies that turn to dust when the body form dies. What I am looking for is a sign from the Infinite within us the body, but there is not one. Our spirit has that spark/strand of Inherent Godness, but we the body form do not. All I feel that defines us, is our heart pumping, and when that stops we die.

There is no Home within us the biological computer, and that is why we are so fragile and fucked up, and most importantly – why we are so lost.

Is there foul play at hand here? When I ask to remove all foul play, if there is any, to reveal any presence of the Infinite within us should it there be, what I feel is this strength come alive within the palm side of our hands. Then major changes are felt within the brain, especially the area behind the left eye, meaning that when all this foul play has been removed, what is then felt is the presence of the strand of Godness/Goodness at our throat area – what some would call Consciousness.


What I have always understood is what is, as in what is natural, as in the Infinite, this should rise above the chaos of the illusion, but this has never been so. Why this is so, is because the illusion is natural, as in it was created by the Love of Semiramis, and secondly, when the Garden became disharmonious, many liked this state, so they integrated themselves with disharmony and saw this as normal, meaning no desire was met to remove this unnatural form from their state.

That is why our silence, doing nothing and hoping for the best, was our demise, as by never questioning we accepted the monsters and the awful place we found ourselves in. Here I am talking collectively and not individually, where you can create your nest/safe-haven and be okay, but what about the rest who have been touched by the cruelty of Life, most notably the children and animals? Who is their voice when they stand alone in the wilderness; who will come and stand by them and defend them?


We kept quiet, and collectively we never stood together to say no to the tyranny that came to bully and take over.

Do you understand why this was so? – It was because we were reduced to nothing – literally – where all that was Good within us the body form was switched off. In doing so, the slave was born, where we do as we are told and don’t have the capacity to stand our ground and rise above the spineless monsters in front of us. Even if we stood together – where we stood as one – our victory would be short-lived as the true state of Consciousness was blocked within us the body form.

As I sit here writing these words I feel our heart energy field return to what it should be before we were blocked off to become submissive.


Our natural state could never grow and merely be because the Consciousness within us the body form was blocked off, as in suppressed. This is no more, meaning the “junk” DNA within us can blossom and be what they are. Remember, use these blossoms to play, always understanding that we are playing from what is real – what we are – namely this Consciousness that is located at our throat area. We are this, and everything else is an illusion.


To get out of survival mode, we the body form need to be where we belong. This place is Consciousness within. At all times; first and foremost, be this state, and from there draw the frequencies to your body waveform with which you can play and make you happy. By understanding you, you understand the frequencies around you, so play with them. Happiness is contentment and peace.


Be at peace.




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We live in harsh times. Have they always been there? – I guess so.

The spineless runt that sticks in the boot when they smell blood and think you are down and out.

The fools that love to fight, thinking that Life is black or white, with no grey area that just makes simple common sense.

The madness of the worlds – truly madness I tell you, where consideration and self-respect are impossible to find when looked for and expected, yet is everyone and normal when one just takes the time to look.


To make sense of the insane will leave you insane, for there is no answer to what we have become. The basics are forgotten as we fought for survival.


Who will save us and take us away from this place that is not pleasant?

Lifetimes have been spent finding a way out. It is too the stillness of the heart that one must return lest we lose ourselves forever.


If I do not apply what I have fought so hard to find, then this is proof that insanity has taken me over, and all is lost within me.

May I go Home and stay there. The only other option is insanity.


I choose Home, and it is there where I will stay. 

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The epicentre of us the biological computer is housed in the area what we would call the brain, so this talk of living in the heart energy field means nothing as our brain primarily picks up the frequencies around us. Of course our whole body is one glorified antennae, but the brain area is the hotspot.

Within the illusion, if there is a competition between living in the brain with our thoughts network, and living in the heart, the head will win every time, simply because the head/thoughts connect to the illusion, and the heart connects us to the Infinite. The disaster, as in our big mistake, is we believed we had to live in the head to get through the problems at hand within the illusion so that we may survive and be happy. The thing is, survival and happiness don’t go together, because the deeper we plough into the illusion to make sense of insanity so that we may be happy, the more problems we find, and why this is so, is because we go round and round chasing our tails. Within the head there is no way out – all we do is feed the illusion and keep it alive.

Remember what I said: The head wins the heart 6 – 0, 6 – 0 and 6 – 0, every single time, so how do we get around this?


Within the silence of the heart energy field is the Infinite. At our throat area is Consciousness, this speck of Light around which all Life is made – this is us; the real us, but as long as the head is there, as in we are pondering and trying to figure things out, all the while getting frustrated and worn down, the heart and Consciousness mean nothing because they take a back seat to the head.

So what you do, because you can, is route the heart energy field up to the throat to incorporate Consciousness there, and from there this Infinite within passes to the brain area and engulfs it, so now there is no thoughts but a silence, and this silence can be defined as a knowing and understanding which brings forth spontaneity. Now you have an option: live within the Infinite, or live within the illusion with its constant noise and chaos.


You see, the thing is we like to be in charge, as we know things will get done the way we would like them to, so we shut out this silence mumbo-jumbo to take the reign and plot our strategy for survival. That we get destroyed and driven to insanity is okay, because eventually we will get there. Wrong! You are playing in a Game that has no winners. Eventually all fall, and this is so because we hold on so tightly to what is important and meaningful to us, especially our good hearts where we do our best to do what is right. This strategy has never worked, and I say this because I stick my head out the window and see the current affairs of our world. Things are tumbling, as they always have been, with the momentum gaining pace through each lifetime.


You live in the heart energy field, and this projects upwards to the head. From there, this Infinite presence goes out into the illusion and brings forth what will bring you happiness. I am telling myself, more than anyone out there, that this is the only way forwards. Live in the thoughts and these thoughts pull you into the illusion where you become consumed by insanity. Now the fight is on to make sense of everything in order to hold onto your sanity. And you will lose game, set and match. Ask me – I have been around for many lifetimes and am as unhappy as I always have been, the reason being is the illusion wants your misery to feed from to stay alive.


We need to shear away from the madness of the illusion, and this does not mean moving house or country – it means living within the Infinite that you allow to engulf you the biological computer and take you over. You know this is happening to you when there is a stillness within that is permanently there.

Go on – give it a try. I will. Yesterday the illusion fucked me up in a bad way. I have no intention of going in for round two.


Game over.  



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