Hi all, pretty new to the forum but couldn't find a similar topic and not sure if my 'case' is individual or if there are other people with this experience.
Long story short, 2013. In spring time I had a psychotic episode (acute) which started in winter and lasted for 4 months before I was hospitalized at the Psychiatric ward in my hometown. During that time in the first and biggest psychotic stage I had hallucinations (mostly voices in my head). As time was passing I had more intense and louder voices and a scenario that was shown in my perception back then was basically a parallel world with totally different meanings of everything you know but yet I was seeing things as they are. I was only 19 yo when this thing happened to me and before that period I was pretty much into psychology, philosophy, eastern and ancient cultures, social phenomenon etc.
All that ''knowledge'' and unsolved traumas from the past turn against me (in my mind with disablans of molecules in charge of transmitting information - neurotransmitters) and play horrific and paranoid parallel reality where everything is against me and I cannot escape anywhere. As time passed, the information in my head was ''telling me and convincing me'' in scenarios like that the whole China is watching me on screens, that stars in the skies are lights that come from holes in some fabric, that my hair on my body are small antennas etc... the day I tried to ''commit suicide'' by jumping from small building I had really bizarre ''scenario'' that I am living in the matrix and voice that was telling me was controlling my movement and I felt like marionet puppet and couldn't resist anymore and that's why i ended on the building and jumped.
Still today I don't know how I survived without any scar (I had a cast on my neck for a few months and that's it). Was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward where they just chained me in bed and drug me with pills not knowing what I am taking. I was there for one month and only had one 10 min conversation with a doctor who just said I had psychosis and if I take the pills I will be fine. After 4 weeks of taking antipsychotics I no longer had voices and on my way to become 'normal'
After that hospital experience I was searching for a private psychotherapist with whom I did 6 years of psychotherapy, changed medications to the right ones with minimal dose. Since last 4 years I finished sociology as a 'potential student' because of my way of thinking, I had several summer jobs and lived in 2 countries as part of some students mobilities. Meet new people, travel and discover so many things about psychology and help many people with just following my instinct and personal belief.
But all this time, for the last 7 years I was really open about my mental health and what happened to me, since then I have more urge to help people dealing with traumas and confusion. People I met after that period until now were telling me how they feel open saying some personal stuff and feel more calmed in my presence and could easily understand my point of view of the situations and opinions. Since I am empathic and sensible as a person and have this experience I wanted to use it for better cause to spread some light.
Since my first psychotic episode was really extreme and traumatized me I was on the side of science and dosing the information about anything out of the "normal" to not trigger back that fear and paranoia. Also from time to time I heard about some other people who had psychosis in their adolescent years and some of the "hallucinations beliefs" were similar (Chinese, being watched and "the end is near" fear)
I was somehow blocking thinking about it and often just repeating myself the vocabulary that my psychotherapist was telling me about my condition and taking pills as I supposed to.
And I first discovered David Icke and his thoughts in the period of the first phase of psychotic state and somehow everything I read made sense even though I was "not normal". Somehow I felt the urge to look what David is saying about covid and since then I try to read his thoughts as much as I can. But since he had written so many materials (books, movies..) I couldn't find anything so far about this "psychotic illness" and other related.
When this all Covid hoax and panic started it triggered that fear and paranoia (because at first I believed it). After I came to my senses and looked for other opinions and follow my instinct I started to follow David's videocasts which helped me a lot to understand this situation and 'reality' more deeply. (Thx! )
I wanted to open this topic and see if there other people with similar stories or experience or if someone has some insight of this; please write here or in my inbox. Also some links or books would be awesome to look at this "mental health" topic from a non-psychology view.
P.S. Hope you understand my story. I am more curious and open to find out more about all this. Thanks! :)