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  1. What a thread, Matcha. It has absolutely everything. I was squealing like a Japanese tourist all the way through. Reminds me of my 2nd favourite movie, The Never Ending Story. Well done.
  2. Just like Kabul earlier today. Maybe they've even flown the same crisis actors over to Vienna, eh? Double bubble.
  3. Caught him at Gorilla in Manchester a few years ago.
  4. Ano. And Jim was the best thing about em.
  5. Say YES to everything and you will see what I mean, Jack. In the words of Enya. Sail away, sail away, sail away. Saying NO in my experience leads to vulnerability. And occasionally even a Whitney Houston, Brittany Murphy type moment.
  6. Always take up the offer. Saying NO in a dream can often lead to some sinister situations. Always go with the flo, Jack. Always.
  7. I think old people in care homes should be the first to receive top quality VR, providing they can handle it, of course. Simulated memories of the things they loved most, like making love to Vera Lynn at Normandy, or devouring bread and dripping on a Sunday. Christ knows. But anything has to be better than staring at the wall all day and worrying about which resident has stolen your walking stick/pension book.
  8. Music is a big part of my life, and I often dream about the artists I find attractive. I once dreamt that I got off with the lead singer of Skunk Anansie in a greasy spoon, and that I made love to everyone in The Corrs on a canal boat. Both wonderful dreams that I treasure. Does anyone else ever make love to singers or actors in their dreams?
  9. Any thread I enter into containing reasonably factual content from Comedy Time reminds me of the beautiful Autumn of 1994, when I had to take a job at Wimpy to tide me over during my dark days of alcohol and poppers addiction. I was just like Comedy Time, always balancing the tills, never a penny short. I could not be challenged. Whilst all the people behind me were constantly getting the orders wrong and burning all the fucking burgers. Is Wimpy still going I wonder? Probably not with staff like that. But what if the staff in the back were doing all they could do, and it was simply down to fa
  10. Alex Telles. Manchester United. This lad first came to my attention back in the scorching summer of 2004, when he was only 12 years old, and I was taking a break from touring Brazil in search of the most depraved prostitutes South America had to offer. I watched on in amazement as he scored no fewer than 23 goals in only a 60 minute friendly. He was incredible. He scored from all angles, reducing the opposition to a puddle of tears. And that’s when I noticed it. The large foreheads. All 11 of Telles's opponents had huge fucking foreheads. Like that Rocky fella from the Mask. Turns
  11. I’ve always been absolutely amazing at predictions. Some would say I have an almost paranormal gift for prescience. A bit like Karl Mollison, but without all the intergalactic Nazis. So here I am, putting my employment and homelessness issues to one side to create a stunning preview of what's to come in the Premier League this season. 1. Liverpool. Successfully managed by Heinnrich Himmlers grandson, they’re once again the team to beat. 2. Manchester City. Having no fans in the stadium will effect every team in the league except for Man City, who are used to empty seats
  12. Cracking read. A tale of tenderness and valour. One of triumph over brutality and ignorance. And from the way you sell it, you definitely handled Adolf and the fog much better than you handled your weekend in India. If we can learn anything from this tale. It's that age pampers us.
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