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Albion's Achievements



  1. Apparently Belgium's entire health care system is only a week away from collapse. Will anybody help them out? Germany maybe? Dunno. Bruge is a beautiful city. Either way, it's gonna take a fuck load more than reruns of Tin Tin on the telly & chocolate dildos to get the public interested. I can see them being the first European country to accept a total 25 year lockdown. The Joseph Fritzel treatment.
  2. What a thread, Matcha. It has absolutely everything. I was squealing like a Japanese tourist all the way through. Reminds me of my 2nd favourite movie, The Never Ending Story. Well done.
  3. Just like Kabul earlier today. Maybe they've even flown the same crisis actors over to Vienna, eh? Double bubble.
  4. Caught him at Gorilla in Manchester a few years ago.
  5. Ano. And Jim was the best thing about em.
  6. Say YES to everything and you will see what I mean, Jack. In the words of Enya. Sail away, sail away, sail away. Saying NO in my experience leads to vulnerability. And occasionally even a Whitney Houston, Brittany Murphy type moment.
  7. Always take up the offer. Saying NO in a dream can often lead to some sinister situations. Always go with the flo, Jack. Always.
  8. I think old people in care homes should be the first to receive top quality VR, providing they can handle it, of course. Simulated memories of the things they loved most, like making love to Vera Lynn at Normandy, or devouring bread and dripping on a Sunday. Christ knows. But anything has to be better than staring at the wall all day and worrying about which resident has stolen your walking stick/pension book.
  9. Currently working in retail, in the countries latest Covid hotspot, Manchester. Having to ask for T&T details and for people to wear masks on the premises daily is a ball ache but so far I have met absolutely zero resistance. I'm at the point of wanting someone to tell me to fuck off. So either the majority of the public are completely complaint about all of this. Or a huge amount of people talk a good game about rising up, but completely crumble when challenged.
  10. Music is a big part of my life, and I often dream about the artists I find attractive. I once dreamt that I got off with the lead singer of Skunk Anansie in a greasy spoon, and that I made love to everyone in The Corrs on a canal boat. Both wonderful dreams that I treasure. Does anyone else ever make love to singers or actors in their dreams?
  11. Any thread I enter into containing reasonably factual content from Comedy Time reminds me of the beautiful Autumn of 1994, when I had to take a job at Wimpy to tide me over during my dark days of alcohol and poppers addiction. I was just like Comedy Time, always balancing the tills, never a penny short. I could not be challenged. Whilst all the people behind me were constantly getting the orders wrong and burning all the fucking burgers. Is Wimpy still going I wonder? Probably not with staff like that. But what if the staff in the back were doing all they could do, and it was simply down to faulty headsets? Much to ponder.
  12. Alex Telles. Manchester United. This lad first came to my attention back in the scorching summer of 2004, when he was only 12 years old, and I was taking a break from touring Brazil in search of the most depraved prostitutes South America had to offer. I watched on in amazement as he scored no fewer than 23 goals in only a 60 minute friendly. He was incredible. He scored from all angles, reducing the opposition to a puddle of tears. And that’s when I noticed it. The large foreheads. All 11 of Telles's opponents had huge fucking foreheads. Like that Rocky fella from the Mask. Turns out Telles's team were only playing against a team of mentally challenged youngsters. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t diminish Alex's achievements somewhat. But you can only beat what’s put in front of you. So what if the goalkeeper spent the entire game trying to catch a wasp and sniffing his own farts, Telles was magnificent. And I make him one to watch this season.
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