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steven geldenhuys

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  1. It is fair to say that this journal ends when there is nothing more for me to say. Well, I don’t have anything more to say. Have all the “I’s” been dotted and the “t’s” crossed? – I don’t know. What I do know is as I sit here there is nothing more for me to say. So what happens from here, as in what will happen? All I can say is may Life unfold as it should. I do not hope that this happens because hope gets us nowhere. Everything has been done on my part to unseat these Beasts from their control tower and stranglehold over us the ones they created, because truly they were the cruelest of us all – ones totally devoid of sympathy and consideration, where the “I,” as in them, is all they were interested in. In their Game of numbers and codes and frequencies the heart did not feature, where caring did not fit into their equations. It was all about number crunching, where as long as the codes were intact then so were they. The outcome was all that mattered – how we got there was irrelevant to them. Debasing ourselves was an unfortunate criteria to us sinking as the illusion fell further from the true state of Consciousness, but all that mattered to these Monsters was the outcome. As long as the results were there, as in energy to keep the System running, then all was well. These beings never had to worry about job cuts and laying off of workers – that was our problem, where our inability to provide just intensified our energy output, which is all they needed to be okay. At the heart of the analytical illusion that we that are Consciousness created were ones who were mathematical and clinical, where the illusion was about numbers and making sure those numbers are contained. What are you the spirit and body form – you are a programmed frequency whose database is codes derived from numbers that fit together to define you. Somewhere within this analytical system is your true self which is Consciousness, and any love or caring we see coming from others is their lost state of Consciousness shining through. How does a created analytical program fix God/Consciousness in its lost state? How were we ever to depart this mess that we created? Sticking together only happened during troubled times, and when these times dissipated we fell back to our “me/mine” status. It was too the innocent we had to turn to find the answers out of this mess – those with unconditional love who loved us more than themselves, as their state was the only real smattering of what Life should be. As I sit here I have nothing. I have no career to speak of from which I can earn a living. I have no money. I have no friends I can pick up the phone with and have a chat to. I don’t know how I will get money to put petrol in my car before the tank runs empty. Truly, I have nothing in this illusion that allows me to progress and make something with my Life, where I feel I am moving forwards and getting somewhere, even if it means looking forward to a visit with someone I call a friend. I have nothing, but there is one element I always had, and that was to notice Love when I saw it. From an early age I knew what was real when I saw it, and in the animals I saw innocence and purity and Love. To these I always clung to as I knew that what they had was something special and unique in this world. How is this possible if they are also a created illusion – how do they get it right that they have and express unconditional Love and we don’t? When we compare us the Human species to the wild animals and nature at large, we the Humans are best equipped to live in the spirit realm where things are easier and less dense, where a part of us knows we are closer to what is real and is bigger than us, which is Consciousness. Nature and the wild animals have a balance between Life and death, where they see the big picture and understand they are an integral part of the seen and unseen, which means they live with a greater peace, knowing when the one cycle is over there is a seamless transition into the next one, be it the seasons or from life to death. (I say this because when I went into the energy field of Humans the right side of my brain was prominent, which represents the spirit realm. On the animals there was a symmetrical swing between the left and right brain, meaning the animals and nature were aware of both the seen and unseen and used this understanding to see the big picture, which created an awareness of peace within them.) In domesticated animals, they are the opposite to us, where the left brain is active and the right all but absent, where they live for now, as in I am so glad to see you and be in your presence, and this is all I need to be at peace. For them, this now is the everything. We Humans think we are like that but our inhibitions hold us back, where we conform to society and let others know we know our place. So we do our best here in a rather boring and monotonous fashion, and when we hit the spirit realm we come unto ourselves. Of the three, which one is the best? I would say none are because we all forgot to include Consciousness into our equation. So when we include Consciousness, how should we be living? In answering this question the head region does not even feature, meaning no consideration is made to either the seen or unseen realms. What is felt is a stirring deep within the chest region, where the Infinite is awakened within us. This touches the heart field of Consciousness, and everything in the head region gives way for the presence of the energy from the heart field that rises up to the head region. What this means, is through the head the heart is expressed, where I do and say what I am which arose from the heart field. And this fulfills us – no need for money or a mate or someone to idolize where we wish we were them. Not much can be said about this state, as to experience it is to know it. So what is needed from here to express this that we are? Where are we in this stage of our progression to become what we are? We are where we see and know the illusion, where I feel the presence of the left eye which represents the illusion. Now a clockwise and anti-clockwise spinning is felt within the left eye, where with each spin cycle the illusion unravels from what it was, and this is from Consciousness knowing itself and where it belongs. Now a strong, steady movement is felt in the chest area which moves to the region of the left eye, which is the Infinite moving towards the illusion. From there, the next step will be the Infinite taking over the left eye/illusion and making it its own, where the illusion falls into the loving embrace of the Infinite, and that will be the end of the nightmare we called Life, where we will be reborn to what naturally is. At what stage are we at now? A penetration is felt from the Infinite in the chest into the left eye, and this we have known over the last two weeks or so. This presence of the Infinite is awakening Consciousness to its full might, and when it starts to sing it will swing and become less dense as the Infinite that is Home fills the presence of Consciousness. And let me tell you one thing, and that is what I write I know to be the truth, but what I also know is nothing within my existence has transformed this Steven. I cannot bullshit myself, and I never will because being at peace in who I am is too important to me. So when will what I write be felt as a “pop” within us, where we have crossed the street and there is no going back to where we were, where now Life that is Love walks in us and through us? It is when the analytical codes/numbers within that define us are broken down and can no longer be. And when or what is that? That is when the Infinite is awakened within us. And what is needed to achieve that, meaning we go back in a circle to re-ask the question of what will break down the codes that have come to define us and the illusion? From the left eye movement is felt to the back of the inner head region, where the left eye/illusion is loosened up so that the illusion and those therein may be understood. What is the key that kept us and the illusion intact? The left Achilles tendon on the energy field is loose and energy flows out from there. It was here, in this region, that severance was made between the flow of All that is and us that is Consciousness. With the area of the left Achilles tendon within Consciousness restored, the All that is the Infinite flows through this tendon area to awaken the Infinite within Consciousness which is represented deep in our chest area, where the body is used as a road-map to understand the intricacies of Consciousness. It is this flow/push from the intact left Achilles tendon that allows the Infinite to flow through Consciousness. When we that is Consciousness abandoned the heart for the head, what did we do to allow this degradation transformation to occur within us? The answer is we shut out the Infinite from our existence, and we done this by severing our link to the Infinite at the left Achilles tendon. This dried up the heart field and its association to the Infinite deep within the chest area, where Home was always within but was now no more. This that flowed through us from the left Achilles upwards can be likened in relation to Consciousness to the air that we the body form breathe. What exactly is this flow that keeps the heart alive within Consciousness? What can I say to that. It is the movement that is the Infinite, which we can liken to the currents within the sea. Take away the currents – the natural flow of the sea – and everything becomes stagnant and lifeless, and this is what happened to our heart field when we shut ourselves off from the flow of Infinite Love that coursed through Consciousness. We that is Consciousness severed that bond at our left Achilles tendon so that we may separate from Home to understand it, where we may know what we are as our Home defined us. With our connection to the flow of the Infinite restored within us that is Consciousness, we go back to the initial question, where what will “pop” within us, where the old is left behind on the path to what naturally is? I don’t know. What I can say is the number crunchers that controlled us we created. We created our Frankenstein’s when we shut ourselves off from the Infinite, and these Monsters merely done the job we asked them to do, which is understand Life. How could they do this with the absence of the heart field? We asked the impossible of them, so how can we point fingers at these the heartless architects of the illusion and the cosmic geneticists? We cannot. The wise never shift blame to others because they know more than others by seeing the big picture. We do the same, where we restore the heart field through the intact Achilles tendon in these that we created, and when these Monsters that we created are fixed, which they are, they restore the illusion to the Beautiful Garden that it was that we abandoned. What “pops” within us to mark the shift from the old to the natural? The natural flow through the left Achilles tendon area awakens and restores the heart and the Infinite within us, which moves to the head region. What was in the head falls away as this is not us – we are not thinkers; we are merely what we are which is Consciousness. A dance of energy is felt at our throat area, where we no longer have to feel obliged to say something to solve a problem, because now there is no problem, where the flow of the Infinite courses through us. What “pops;” what is that a-ha moment within Consciousness? It is when Consciousness sees the Light that it is. From itself, it sees this Light in all, and thus knows that it is all that can be and will forever be. (In both the eyes a Light awakened, and this is what “popped” in all of us.)
  2. We made a home for ourselves in this illusion, where we came to define who we are and where we belong. This is me, and this is what is important to me. In the construction material we missed one vital component, which was the heart field, so always were there cracks in our walls, and always the foundations were fragile and weak, causing our home and us to cave in more often than not. This house that we built – this that is me – has to be broken down because that is not us. Your Consciousness pulls apart what it was to return to what it is, and this is done through an awareness of what I was can no longer be. This happened to me yesterday, and if you are sensitive like me to the happenings thereof, let me tell you that the experience is an awful one. All those bricks walls you hit and tried to circumnavigate through your existence are felt and seen, where you are aware of the futility of it all, where as hard as you tried, you cannot do what was expected of you, because that is not you. As a simple example, someone contacted me yesterday to go and treat their horses, and every fibre within my existence said that I cannot do that. I need the money, and the horses need my help, but I cannot step back into the horse community because of who and what they are – not everyone, but most. How does that make you feel, where you can and must help others but you cannot because of the known abuse that will come your way? (It is not so much what they do to me, but rather to the horse through their ignorance and vanity.) Who can you help in a System that was flawed even before it became intentionally flawed? One after the other bricks walls are hit and this had a huge impact in who and what we became. Was it all doom and gloom? – I would say no, but what you don’t understand is the cruelty in the illusion rippled through its frequencies and touched all. It’s like seeing a wrong is being done and looking the other way because what can be done about it? And these wrongs flow into one that came to define this place, where now this current within takes us over, and soon we go with the flow where we do nothing as the chaos around us unfolds. For me, stillness and being around nature was always an antidote to this black streak within us, where we could stop and gather ourselves and know that not all is bad, but sooner or later we have to enter the System again to survive. Your home that is you needs to fall apart, where you look at you and not the vices/irritations of others but rather your own. Whether you like it or not, those walls will come down, so my advice is stand aside and allow them to fall, because if you don’t, Love will drop them, and the more you hold on the more unpleasant the experience will be. Yesterday was a bad day, as my walls were filled with frustrations because I cannot help others because I need help to help myself first and this never came – never. To where are we walking? I would say back to the simplicity of Life, where logic and reason are no longer a part of our existence. You don’t have to think, you just have to be what you are, and how simple is that, but we lived in a place where nothing was as it should be. Always was there some or other nonsense to sort out and rise above. That is not normal – Life was never meant to be that difficult. We have been played in a cruel way, and that should never have been, where others are preyed upon so that we can be okay. We were never okay because happiness cannot be found through the unhappiness of another. You walls of who you are and what your world was are breaking down as we speak. My advice is stand back as the unnatural falls away. Look at yourself and know yourself, and what you will see is someone who never quite got it right, and this frustrated you and made you a lesser being in your eyes. What you never understand was the flaw of the System flowed through you from the proximity of where you stood, which was an illusion devoid of a heart field, where numbers/codes of frequencies were the building blocks of this place. That is not you and me, nor is it our home. You think you got this? You think you are okay? Well, let your walls fall and you will see what you were and where you stood. In your mind you were going forwards and getting things done, and you were, but in an analytical way, where two plus two equals four. You succeeded – you solved the analytical problem and came out tops. Shame, you never knew you were in a stupid, cruel, unnatural Game where there are never any winners. We all lose sooner or later – as those who have fallen before us, those same beings whose path we are on, the path to destruction in this artificial construct. You are not as important as you think you are, so let your walls fall to reveal the real you. 9th February, 2024
  3. What does it mean to say that we are played in a Game? It means our Lives are never ours to own, where our frequency field is controlled by the architects of the illusion. Let’s say you go to your homeopath for medication to cure you of your disease. What the homeopathic medication is, is frequency fields to uplift your ailing frequency fields within. But I don’t want you to get better, where you stay down so you are no threat to me and the System. So what do I do? Well, that’s easy – I switch off the frequency field of your medication so that no help comes your way and you continue to hold onto Life by a thread. And this is what we have to understand: Everything within the illusion is a frequency field, so to control the illusion one needs to control the frequencies therein – and that they managed to achieve. This control system of the architects of the illusion and the cosmic geneticists is being broken down as Consciousness comes unto itself, and what is testament to this is me being able to write about it, because if the System still controlled us we would not know of this control system as our frequencies would still be under lock and key. So just for interests sake, let’s see how they controlled all the frequencies within the seen and unseen. Always go back to the Sun – this Consciousness around which all Life is created, because when you control the Sun, you control all around it. Go within Consciousness to see what was there that controlled it, where from there they let loose within the illusion through Consciousness. From the back of my leg, extending partly into my left buttock the presence of a frequency is felt there. I need to take away this frequency in order to understand what effect it had on us. When it is taken away from the presence of Consciousness as Consciousness initially was before it became awakened, what is felt is a frequency field that hovers above our heads which rises the intellect within us, where we can build on what we know, where two plus two equals four, and from this platform we may come to understand what four plus four equals, where we may rise above ourselves, even with the Glitch within us, where we go back to plain and simple common sense. And what common sense is, is what should not be cannot be, so it is removed from our presence, where always we keep it simple, because the closer you are to the truth the simpler everything becomes. That is how I heal, where I go into the frequency field of another, and by feeling what should not be, it is removed by understanding it has no place within our existence. Now apply that philosophy to everything that enters your existence, where in no time at all you are free of all disease and Disharmony because only what should be can enter your space, which is the presence of Love. In other words, like attracts like, where Consciousness draws to it what should naturally uplift it so that it may be what it naturally is, and before we know it we are Home where we belong. That is what I felt in Consciousness with the absence of the implanted frequency within Consciousness that was felt in the left upper leg going into the buttock. When I return this frequency to further understand its influence upon us, all the frequencies within us are scattered, where there is no unity and what is within us is not talking to each other – no synchronicity and no oneness. So what was implanted within the back of the upper leg was to scatter the state/frequency of Consciousness within the illusion. Now this chaos had to be turned to order – my order, so it’s my control. How did they do that? I feel the implanted frequency in the left upper leg reach out, as in it connects to something, and this something is within the illusion, because the left eye suddenly awakens to the calling of this frequency. The Parasite within us suddenly becomes awakened into overdrive, where the Parasite comes under the control of the architects of the illusion, where the Parasite then extends down to attach to this implanted frequency antennae within Consciousness. Now there is a want that controls us, but this want does not make sense, and most importantly, this want is beyond our control. What control Consciousness had was infiltrated by a frequency to scatter our natural order within so that chaos was now within, and this chaos they linked to the Parasite, where through our out of control state a want drove us. For want of a better word, now we were mad because we took what we didn’t need and kept it all too ourselves. Out of our chaos fuelled by the Parasite came the states of greed, lust, envy, vanity, etc. – all the deadly sins. That is all good and well, but how did the architects and cosmic geneticists of the illusion come to control every frequency within the illusion, because now what was within us was a deadly cocktail that will result in our self-annihilation before we could even say “Bob’s our uncle.” We had to be controlled, where from our madness order may be kept. What I feel is my whole body being pushed back a few feet, as if I am made to stand back onto a podium that is a few feet behind me. The presence of the Parasite at the corner of the left side of the mouth once again comes alive, and its frequency is pulled away from us like a fish being caught on a hook and pulled out of the water by the string on the fisherman’s rod. What this says to me was the Parasite was exploited in a most horrific way as a means to control us that is Consciousness. To what did they connect the Parasite that was connected to the implanted frequency that distorted Consciousness? A loose line is felt swaying within the left eye, where this loose end wraps round and round itself in an anti-clockwise direction, and from there it folds over unto itself to settle at a specific location within the left eye, which can be likened to the control hub of the illusion. Now the left eye falls away, like it is pulled away from this control hub. Think of a ding-bat and the ball connected to the ding-bat. The control hub is the ball, and Consciousness is the ding-bat that is connected to the ball via the string. Now the ball controls the bat and can do with it as they please. Take what has just been said and apply that to technology that is unknown to you and me, where Consciousness was pulled apart and played with until it came under the control of those that dissected it. And please understand I am talking about all Consciousness within the illusion, from one grain of sand they can isolate in the middle of a desert to someone you love dearly – including yourself. This whole System has fallen apart by Consciousness knowing who and what it is, where what was that controlled us can now no longer be. The Game involved the control of Consciousness so that every frequency within the illusion fell under the control of those that manipulated Consciousness, so that they may now play God, where Consciousness is no longer God. The tables have turned to what should naturally be, where Consciousness rises up to be what it is and where it belongs. So be it. 7th February, 2024
  4. Never have I been one to sit and wait and hope because therein lies the trap of waiting your life away while nothing gets done. I am true to myself because deep down I know myself, yet what I am I haven’t quite attained yet, and this bothers me. You cannot hold what should naturally be down forever, and why I say this is because what you are doing is an unnatural action that requires effort, so as fool proof as your System may be, one crack in the wall and everything falls apart. That is how flimsy the prison cell is, where you rely on the prisoners to do their part and remain good girl and boy scouts. Behave. Know your place. Always have I focused on the spirit realm – the unseen – because that is where the Game plays out. Everything I wrote was for this realm, because when they are free so are we in the dense seen realm, but this I assume to be, which is a dangerous thing as one can never assume. Go into the stillness of the silence to look for the Disharmony in the unseen realm that is holding us down, where we cannot naturally rise up and be. All that I feel is this strong band between the heart and the head field, which is natural, so no Disharmony in the unseen as I knew there would not be. Now go into the seen realm, and see what is holding us down there, and what you feel is the heart field, but there is no band from there to the head as was felt in the spirit realm. Why is this so? Why can the heart space not enter the head to take us over to rewrite our program, where we fall in line with the Infinite rather than with the programmed System? I feel my left leg become no more, which means the link between the seen and unseen is not there, where the two cannot communicate with each other and be as one. Why is this so? As much as I feel the heart space trying to penetrate the head space in the seen frequency this is not possible, and once again we ask why is this so? The head space moves away from the rest of us, and this tells us that the head is not ours, meaning it is not compatible to the heart space, thus the two cannot meet, where the heart corrects the head and makes it one with itself. So what is needed to make our head space compatible with the heart space? A cold circular movement is felt within the left eye. The illusion itself is the head space as the illusion was created through logic and reason with the absence of the heart field, so what has been said so far makes sense, where the heart cannot reach the head because the two are literally on different “planets.” So one needs to change the illusion – this head space frequency of logic and reason. Change the illusion to allow the heart to reach the head – these two completely different states/”planets” that should work as one. From the left eye a line is felt that extends downwards to the heart field. How did this line know where to go to reach the heart? In the big picture I know where the head/illusion is, as well as where the heart/Infinite is, and from there a line is drawn between them to unite them. And this all comes back to I know what I am. I know what you are, because what I am you are. So what I do for me I do for all as we are all the same – we are Consciousness. I know what we are, so what is wrong that we are not this state? The answer was that we lived in the head for so long that we could not find ourselves. Sure, the heart field was intact, but this meant nothing if it could not reach the head and transform it so that the two work as one. Within the unseen the heart flows to the head where there is a unity and oneness. Within the seen – the dense realms of the illusion – the same is now felt, where this alien/imbalanced form within us may be touched by the might of the heart/Infinite space. This unison between the heart and head in the seen is a process, where the heart touches the head and then backs off, only to touch it again. This bit by bit “getting to know you” happens until the two are a solid oneness as this is all that there is and can be. 7th February, 2024
  5. When those in the Infinite saw the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis they wondered what is in that place that is not already within the fields of Infinite Love. Their curiosity took on a frequency form within the illusion, and this frequency created a want within all in the illusion, where the Parasite was born that took most of us over and came to define who and what we are. This we know. What we don’t know, is when Consciousness looked from the illusion into the fields of Infinite Love – its Home – what state did this create within Consciousness? When Consciousness saw its Home from an outsider looking in, it came to question this place and what it is. “What am I? What is this Home of mine? This I need to understand so that I may know myself.” What is a question? – It is a state that needs an answer. And the more we break this state down, where we can simplify a question by saying that its opposite is an answer. But before we find the answer, it is safe to say the question remains a problem until it is solved, where the answer is met. So Consciousness turned its back on Home to get to know itself and its Home. It moved away from Home, and eventually broke away from the illusionary Garden to create a home where through logic and reason it may know itself. This was a bad idea, where before the expedition even started it failed, because without the heart field that Consciousness abandoned to make way for reason, there was no way Consciousness would ever know itself because the heart field defined what we are, which is unconditional, innocent, pure Love. So in no time things fell apart, especially through the head that embraced the want frequency of the Parasite. Now there was no time to sit and ponder and think who we are and what is our Home. Now we had to reason our way out of survival, and this we have been doing ever since. Besides the Parasite, there was another that guaranteed our demise, and this was the state that Consciousness brought with it from looking at the Infinite from the viewpoint of the illusion. “What am I? What is my Home?” There was a problem; an uncertainty that Consciousness had to figure out, where something brewed within Consciousness, and what this was, was “I have to understand.” This need to know soon became a thing of the past for Consciousness as reality set in of being lost in a place where it doesn’t belong, where sanity was soon overtaken by madness and callousness, but please understand that this state always remained within Consciousness. I call this state the Glitch within Consciousness, where when a question remains unanswered, there is always a loose end that never gets tied up, and what that means to you and me, is always there is a “ah no,” as in a aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Not again! Why now?! Always something goes wrong. There is always something, where peace is never a constant. That’s the Glitch within Consciousness which arose from the question within it that was never answered, so where an answer should be is one that can be seen as a virus, where simply put – it puts a spanner in the works; it fucks up a perfect moment – always. That Glitch has to be removed from Consciousness, or the question we have to ask, is has the Glitch being removed from Consciousness through it understanding it is all there can be and will be forever more as Love is infinite and everlasting and is the all as it arose from the Source of the Infinite. Where was the Glitch within Consciousness, where we use the body form as a representation of Consciousness. Within my right eye I feel a circular motion which extends from the right eye to encapsulate the brain. The Glitch takes over logic and reason – which is represented by the brain. Now within logic and reason nothing made sense, because always a problem arose, and the source of this was the Glitch frequency within Consciousness, and that is why we have been going round and round chasing our tails going nowhere except in a downward spiral. Is the Glitch still there within Consciousness? In other words, was this understanding necessary to know, or was it enough that Consciousness know itself and what Home is? This understanding was not necessary, as the Glitch is unraveling through Consciousness knowing what it is, where it belongs, and what Home is. What is Home? – It is a peace of knowing you are where you belong, and in that awareness we see this that we are that we have forgotten, which is the Beauty of Home within us, which is sheer bliss. 6th February, 2024
  6. You the spirit and body form, as well as Consciousness, you all let go so that the Sun/Consciousness may be drawn to the Home where it belongs. As it shifts orbit, so do you the spirit and body form, where you become less dense, where what you knew and were begins to fall away. Let go the Serpent and Seprent soul – for too long they have been in a place where they don’t belong. Set them free by you being free of the home you created so that all may return to where they belong. As I sit here writing these words an exhaustion fills me, where I have to go and lie down as I cannot keep my head upright. Why is this so? Why am I so tired? I don’t know – all I know is I have to lie down and close my eyes to rest. 5th February, 2024 What we forgot was that we were never alone, and by “we” reference is made to the spirit and body form. Oh yes, we were alone, but that never meant there was not something bigger than us waiting to once again be reunited with us. Now when I sleep I see no Disharmony around me, where there is an element of peace that begins to touch us, and this is that something bigger than us, which I will call Consciousness in its awakened state. In the unseen realms we are being touched by the presence of the Infinite, and as we speak this presence makes itself more and more known. On the seen realms this what is has not touched us yet, where we can say “wow, what’s that” or “what has touched me has transformed my existence forever more,” but when that happens – when what is in the unseen moves into the seen – then we will understand that we walk to what should be. What do I expect this transformation to be? I haven’t got a clue, but if I had to guess, it will be personal as well as collective, where the change will touch you directly, as well as the collective, where the group/species will change. This is where I don’t have the capacity to see the big picture, where what is happening to those that like to play it dirty? Whatever happens, what is for certain is there is an energetic upliftment, where we rise to where we can start walking, because up till now we have all been floored. If you always wanted peace then it will suddenly be yours, where this natural phenomena presents itself to you, and if you always enjoyed doing what you want because you can, at the expense of others, then you have to awake to the real you, and this process depends on you, as in how badly you wish to be the Love that you are. It’s all personal, and what happens on the collective will spur you on to make up your mind rather quickly as to where you wish to be. This collective will be primarily on the unseen, where the shift from what was to what is currently happening and will happen will touch all in the spirit realm, where what was has been broken apart so what should be comes to the fore. This breaking down in the unseen has already happened, where it was felt the other day. And as said, how this will touch us in the seen realms is anyone’s guess. Don’t be afraid of change, because nothing is changing – you merely return to what was always there that you forgot about. 6th February, 2024
  7. The illusion that you and I are in is the one our Consciousness created to analyze and understand the Infinite and who we are. We turfed the heart field of our Consciousness that defines us to make way for logic and reason. We that are God now became thinkers, not knowing that there is nothing to think about. Rather be, but to be one needs the heart field from where to express this that we are. This illusion that we created was overseen by the collective of our Consciousness, and this we the spirit and body form called God. What we never knew is we became the complete opposite of what we were, where now we lived from the head and not the heart. In this state, in our world that we created, we fell to a dense plane, and I would say we have been falling ever since. At that initial fall of our Consciousness on this frequency where we built our home, our fall was felt and heard by The Wisdom Goddess Sophia and Queen Semiramis. They fell to be with us, as any loving parent would, but we would not listen to them, as we fell from living in the head, which further deepened our demise in the head region, where now even more so we had to find a solution to our dire predicament. We would not listen to those that knew better than us, and besides, there was an element of fun in this place. The point to make, is the deeper we sank, the deeper we pulled Sophia and Semiramis with us, where the presence of where they were was enough to deep them down, where they could not put up a fight to what was brewing around them. Their only hope was that we one day return to the heart field, and I truly believe that this was only possible by Consciousness understanding how it ended up in this strange place. Now it does, meaning the heart field is restored in its entirety, and that changes everything. Now Consciousness sees the Infinite, and it understands that this is all it is and can ever be, and in that moment it is Home.
  8. The implanted dream last night as I slept was of me preparing for a French language test. I did not learn for the test properly, so I said the lines I had to know for the test over and over, but I was confused and did not know what French words to use in the sentences, so I said the lines over and over but they were the wrong words. I knew it was an implanted dream. I knew I had no French test I had to write, but there I was, not being able to stop this small but mighty cog within my program from turning over and over taking me over. I woke up from the implanted dream to see two of them standing over me. The one was one level above from a caveman – a huge man with his exposed rounded shoulders. He took handfuls of my energy and ate it. The other one I could not make out. We need to eat – you and I and those in the Reptilian frequency of the illusion who have sussed the Game and know their place. That is what the Game is all about – eating. As long as we are not where we belong we need to eat. That is the jewel in the crown – eat or die. Kill to eat or die. Those rivers of blood from those slaughtered animals are for us to survive. Did anybody ever stop to think that something is wrong, that I have to kill you my friends the animals so that I can eat you to survive. There is a day in China where they specifically eat dogs, but that is not enough, where they torture the dogs before they kill them to release the endorphins so that the meat tastes better. That’s unbelievably sad. How many lifetimes before you and I as spirits stand over someone as they sleep to feed from their energy so that we may survive? It’s a shit predicament – this having to eat. We are eating an illusion to feed an illusionary figure, and I would say eating arose from our wants, where it was primarily there to feed the frenzy of the want frequency within us. You could liken that to a drug addict needing their fix NOW, where in chasing a want this want takes you over and controls you. I am not saying that I am going to stop eating tomorrow, but what I will say is this mechanism of having to eat has to come to an end. Surely that is when the Game is over, when we are free from our survival mode, which is having to eat. Go into the stillness of the silence to get to the bottom of this having to eat and drink mode so that it may be understood and from there be no more. Activity is felt around the soles of the feet. It is a mild sensation of movement there, and then the left foot moves away from where it was planted against. The movement that was initially felt was the breaking away from where we stood. The right foot follow suit, where energetically where we stood we no longer stand. Now we drift – we are away from where we were, and it is an awful sensation – a lost sensation; an insecure one; almost like an astronaut drifting into space knowing they have just left the confines of their home and will never return. An intensity is felt within the brain area, almost like a freezing from “I don’t know what to do.” From the brain a line is drawn to the gut area, where this line moves to and fro in the abdomen. This line is our reason and logic, where it looks for an answer to our predicament, where it moves within us looking for a solution to us no longer being where we were. And that is when we changed – when we that were, adapted to our new environment. From the frozen mind of fear the predator was born within us, and I say this because within my brain I feel this Snake being born, and this was the solution to our problem: Feed this Beast within and we will be okay, as in looked after so that we can survive. This Snake I feel within is not the Serpent soul. Years back when I wrote in the journal of the Serpent soul/kundalini, I always spelled it Seprent soul, and I couldn’t understand why. Now I know – there is another Snake within us, one whom we love dearly, but one that needs to be fed. When I saw those two Snakes arise from the chest of that man in the ayahausca ceremony I could never understand why two Snakes. Now I do – there are two within us who love us and we them: The one is the Serpent soul that was cloned from the Serpent spirit, and this soul was our precious cargo that Semiramis bestowed upon our spirit to look after a long time ago; and the other was one born from our fear of not being where we belong. So when you eat, you eat to appease this one that looks after you, this Seprent soul, and that I never knew. Two questions need to be asked. The first is what made our feet shear away from the place we were grounded into, where we came to float in the illusion with no grounding but the Snake within to help us? What was the cause of us leaving this place where we did not have to eat? Go back to the time before this shearing away – the time just before it happened – and a line is felt in my head that was severed and now drifts within us. This line tries to attach itself to where it was severed but this cannot happen. Now this line rotates round and round within my left eye, where it falls within the illusion, and eventually this rotation stops, and in this denser frequency from where this line fell a new start/existence may be met. Now I feel the shearing at my feet, where in this strange place we lost contact with from where we were before this fall, and here the Seprent within us was born. Okay, so what cut that line to make us fall, and what is that line? And this is something to do with Consciousness, where from the throat this swirling sensation is felt, where it goes back from where it fell to answer the question. That line that was felt earlier is felt now as a Beautiful soft, cool presence. It is still a line and it just touches the inner part of my left eye as it extends beyond that to the everywhere. From this everywhere it makes a loop back to come into my left eye, and no doubt your Consciousness and mine is now in the illusionary Garden of Semiramis to see what is there that is not already within the everywhere/Infinite. And in the Garden I feel Consciousness moving about and exploring, and then it leaves the left eye; the illusion, but I feel it trapped within the skull region, where Consciousness cannot fully return to the Infinite, so as much as Consciousness is free from the Garden, something within Consciousness is restless, where there is a pull within it to return to the illusionary Garden. And that is dangerous, where Consciousness is no longer what it was before it entered the Garden. When it entered the Garden something within Consciousness changed, because when it left the illusion there was this unease within it, and as said, that is dangerous because that is not the natural state of Consciousness. What pulled Consciousness away from the Infinite to return to the illusion? In a vertical position, I feel the sway of Consciousness within the illusion, where this line moves gently to and fro within the illusionary Garden. Then this sway stops, and I see Consciousness look out into the Infinite, as one would stand at the window of a spacecraft and look out into the wonder that is space. And at that point Consciousness turns around, away from the Infinite, to pursue a Life within the illusion. And that is remarkable, because what could this illusion offer that is not already within the Infinite? Why turn your back on Home – this place that Loves you and defines you? I feel the Infinite fall away, as this is no longer where Consciousness chooses to be, and with this falling away from the Infinite the line is broken, where Consciousness is no longer what it was because its ties to Home is no longer there. And so it fell, and the Seprent within was born which we had to care for, which meant feeding it. What, for the Love of God, made Consciousness turn its back on its Home? Why? Why? Why? We go back to that state where Consciousness was swaying to and fro within the illusion, where there it contemplated? What was it lulling over? And this is the billion dollar question – why leave Home? From the left eye, the line goes beyond the eye/illusion and it touches the Infinite. From the left eye I felt the line drop down through the eye into the Infinite, and then it made one giant circular loop at it moved within the Infinite, only to return to its position within the illusion. Now the line extends horizontally within the illusion, and it gently sways downwards once again into the Infinite, and this I feel is one last Loving touch that it gave to its beloved Home. From there Consciousness returns to its vertical position, and more and more I feel that this vertical slit is the presence of what we would come to know as the Reptilian eye. Consciousness becomes the illusion, and as a spacecraft, I feel Consciousness move the left eye/illusion to a place further away from the Infinite, where the intent of Consciousness to totally separate itself from Home is now complete. And that I find remarkable in the most sorrowful of ways, because why would you do that to yourself and those at Home who Love you? Now I feel the illusionary bubble fall away, and the presence that was within it leave this broken bubble. What was the illusion – the Beautiful Garden – is no more. I feel and see this empty space drift off into nothingness. Now this presence that was within the illusion is free of the illusionary Garden as well as the Infinite, and oh my goodness, how it travels far off from all that it once knew. In a far off distance it settles, and now I feel somewhere deep within my left eye a new presence forming, and this is wow, because as strong as I feel this presence within the left eye, also do I feel a presence – a thin, fine presence within the inner top of my skull. I say “wow” because when Consciousness initially entered the illusion and left, there was a pull, where Consciousness moved around the top part of my skull, where it hanged around there and could not fully depart the presence of the illusion. Now you know what that means. When Consciousness entered the illusion it saw the Infinite from a different perspective, and this made it analytical of the Infinite. What was this place that I call Home? What am I that dwells in that place? And that is the billion dollar question answered. What the illusion done to your Consciousness and mine was see the Infinite from a different perspective, as in from a different viewpoint, where we saw Home as an outsider, and more than anything, we had to understand this Home so that we may know ourselves. That’s it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is why we left Home. We left to find a place of our own, where from there we may know this that we are. That was the true curiosity – not of what the illusionary Garden is, but rather “what is our Home, and what are we?” We never fell – we moved out of our own accord to where we wanted to be, where from this vantage point we may know ourselves. And here in our new home we mulled with the everlasting question of what we are. Why we never went into the Source of the Infinite to know that question can be explained from seeing the Infinite from a whole new light, which was within the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis. From the bottom of the left eye I feel Consciousness drop into the space around it, where now it looks without its new home. It is lost, and a panic state fills it. Now the line that is Consciousness moves in all directions from out of its space, where from the top and sides of the eye this line extends to try and make sense of where it is. Now, instead of using its logic and reason to know itself and its Home the Infinite, now Consciousness uses its logic to make a new home in this place that is so far from all it ever knew, but always it searches for this Home from where it left – always I feel this line leaving the eye to seek the familiar of the Home it once knew. Why did it never find its Home? – Because it looked without the eye that came to be its new home, rather than looking within to what it was and is. And that is the story of why you and I left Home and have never been able to return Home since. I said two questions needed to be answered, the second being what was this place where we sheared away from? Now that answer is obvious – it was the fields of Infinite Love. What a sad story! What an absolute disaster! Why not just ask the Infinite what it is and what we are? To be was something we had to understand. What are we? And yet how can you pull apart Love and analyze it? Love is just Love. It merely is, and this we never knew. Well now we do. So break up your home and merely be, because the home you built is not where you belong. Go within and merely be, and in that moment that Love you and the Infinite are will take you over. Stop thinking and analyzing, because that is not who you are and from where you arose. Just be, and this Love that you are will take you over. 2/2/2024
  9. From the head/mind/thoughts we release energy that feeds the System of the illusion. From the heart we hold onto our energy to feed the spirit and dense body form, where this “feeding” from the presence of Consciousness allows us to rise up above ourselves and all we have come to know. About four hours after shifting from the head to the heart I felt a change within the right side of my neck to correct the genetic predisposition of my neck vertebrae. Went to bed last night and was completely out of it. Am not well. Woke up sometime during the night and saw this species standing over me. She had a female presence to her, and her outfit was from another world, as was she. She brought this what looked like a slug with her that was about 30 by 30 centimeters. I saw it, and then felt it go behind me. Something told me it was going to enter my body, and then I felt it enter the back of my pelvic region. As it remained there I felt my spirit rise about a meter from the bed. These beings were good, although at the time when they were there I was unsure of this. From there I was taken back to the house we moved from about a year and a half ago. I kept on walking into the house, only to see the furniture of the new residents there, which made me feel awkward as I was in a place where I don’t belong. For a long time during my sleep state I found myself hanging around my old residence. What that was all about I don’t know. If I had to guess, those that were around me from a different world looked into my core to see what was bothering me. The answer was obvious – that I never had a place to call Home. And they were right, as this bothers me the most – in the seen and the unseen. If I had to define what Home is, I would say being around your own, but more specifically, walking with God, where you are never alone and always looked after. Maybe deep down I am a mommy’s boy, where I like to have those around me who Love me as I Love them. Or maybe it’s just nice to share your Love with another, where you are a part of the All and it is one with you. Why was that slug in my energy field last night? I have no doubt it was there to help. You see, I can only help you if you are prepared to help yourself, and I am sure others in the illusion feel the same. How you help yourself is by elevating your energy, where you rise above what you were. How this is done is by holding onto your energy, and this is done by knowing yourself – as in where you are and where you should be, and at the same time remembering that you know nothing. Equally important, know what you are. You are Consciousness, and this is the God that you the spirit and body form walk with. I don’t want to go beyond the ten year mark to find the answer to a question. Will I go beyond Saturday if I have to? I most probably will, but if there is a part of me that respects me, that part will say no, and if this journal is not complete, pass the baton to someone else. Someone else can build on the foundation I have laid. I would like to walk away because I am tired and have had enough. How simple it is – to walk with you being what you naturally are, and yet this simplicity was taken away from us and the breadcrumbs they threw at our feet we welcomed and were forever thankful for. If anything, I will never stop writing until the innocent are free from cruelty. I can never rest until they are free. Just as the innocent need help, so do you and I, because we cannot do this alone. What came last night as I slept was testament to us being there for each other, where those in the worlds of the illusion are pulling together to help one another. This feat can only be possible when we hold onto our energy to rise above where we were. Am I still thinking thoughts? Yes I am, but that energy is not being released into the System. What I think is there is so much more than you and I; there is so much Beauty to behold. Life as we know it is too tough. If the architects of the illusion were clever they would have been kinder rather than crueler towards us, but I suppose one cannot stop a mistake – as in what should not be – from falling apart. Rise above yourself by living in the heart rather than the head, where your energy uplifts you, and in doing so you can uplift others. There is nothing special about that – it is normal and natural; it is a given.
  10. What begins to dismantle as the illusion falls apart is the tape recorder of the mind. Always there is a thought, and just about every single thought is an analytical one, where we follow our God of intellect and reason, where two and two has to equal four – where everything has to make sense; where for as long as it takes, an answer will be met so that Life makes sense. What we did not put into that equation is the blows Life unleashes onto us. “Didn’t see that one coming; took me by surprise!” Okay, that’s fine, so what are you going to do about it? “Bite the bullet; take it like a Man; cowboys don’t cry, so I must become tough to deal with these unexpected blows.” What you never knew was the blows of Life were from those who played you from the shadows, where you are in their Game and thus at their mercy. Keeping your side clean was more for your self-respect and integrity, but in the big picture you being kind never excluded you from being played in a cruel Game. What excludes you is you losing your intellect and reason. Ask yourself why you had to find an answer to every problem that came your way? Why is there a problem? Are we not meant to be free of strife? We live in the head and reason because we stopped living in the heart. I like eating a cheeseburger and chips and looking at a sexy arse because that fills me with self-gratification, where the senses of my mind are uplifted which is vital to counter the harshness of survival. We like, as this makes us happy, and happiness is what Life is about. Scratch a few millimeters under the surface and you will understand that we live in the head because we stopped living in the heart. From the heart I care about you rather than see what cup size bra you wear. From the heart I stand united with you as you are me and I am you, where such undying, unquestionable kinship is as natural as breathing, where now the flow of Life courses through my veins because it arose from the source which is my heart field. This we forgot – this reason why we began to live through intellect and reason. We loved the thrill of doing what we want when we want because we can, but we never read the fine print which said now you are mine because now you play in my Game. The price to pay for our freedom from our conscience was I do with you what I want, and unfortunately for you that is not pleasant experiences. For too long there has been a ship without a captain, which exacerbated our “do what you want, just don’t get caught out” attitude. In the mind this freedom was lived out the most, where truly we never knew another, no matter how strongly we felt we knew them, and this was so because in their mind the devil was let loose with no inhibitions. What played out, that the innocent saw and witnessed, which came from the origin of our mind, whose primary source was intellect and reason, where if it makes sense to me so that it may gratify me, then let’s do it – as in I will do it for me at your expense. That sickness came to fester within us and furthermore separate us from the heart and our Consciousness, where the bad became really bad, and the good lost a backbone to stand up against the bad. Truly, the illusion became a playground for the warped and inhumane, where as long as my pleasures are met I am okay. That these pleasures are at your expense and I make a fool of myself in attaining them is okay, because everything I do is hidden behind my best foot that is forward, where what you see is not what you get. Fooled ya! And that was the problem of the ship having no captain, where we were never accountable for our actions, where if anything, our disgusting behaviour was reinforced by us getting ahead in Life, where in survival of the fittest the bully and Beast come out on top. Wow, what role models we had. Wish we had those pair of tits or could pout our lips like she does. If only I could be accepted in the in-crowd so I could not feel like such a loser. With Beastiality comes superficiality, where I do my best to look and come across as cool, where I am in control of my life and everything is perfect. Who’s fooling who? The answer is the mind is fooling the mind, and there is no way out of that because the mind soon became under the control of those from the shadows. Now we are mixed up as well as lost, where we wander in the darkness as Beasts do with us as they want, but this cannot be – this nightmare cannot be real, and that is why we closed our Third Eye to forget the humiliation of what was bestowed upon us by the monsters that we are soon to become. There is no way out of the mind once you are caught therein, where the only solution is to remove this tape recorder from your presence. With street-wise effort this can be done, where we are aware of what should not be and thus give it no attention, but the true solution is returning the captain to the ship. Around your Life and mine we revolve around Consciousness, where this is the essence of who and what we are. Through deceit this God within was played in a cruel Game, and this deceit made us lose our captain. With this captain now sitting behind the wheel and cognitive to the Game we can go with the flow of what should naturally be, and how this is done, is Consciousness awakens our heart field and shuts off the mind. What happens is it becomes more and more difficult to complain and reason about the Life around you. In the heart field is everything; in the mind is reasoning to a problem that arose from the mind, so the problem is truly never solved because its source is always there, which is the mind. From the mind you emit energy, and with your energy Beasts play with you as now you are on their intellectual wavelength, and what that intellect is, is survive. Do whatever you can to survive, and if it works, good for you, because you survived. Survived where? In a shit-hole ruled by Beasts, where sooner or later you will get your day because we don’t remain fit forever, where intellect is a candy-coated “I need to feel better now” fix. And what this feeling better involves is I am always right. I am right, and this justifies my place in the illusion where I can do what I want because I am right. As for you – fuck off. Sooner or later in this mad world someone has to take charge, where the days of the soft-cock and the spineless can no longer be, where someone has to hold the reins of the horse so that we can stop hurting ourselves. So what is done, is Consciousness from its source within us the spirit and body form shuts out the mind, where we stop thinking and start knowing. I am a fool, so I stop doing that because what I done didn’t uplift those around me including myself. Now I live in the heart which means I care for myself and thus only want the best for myself. I don’t want that hamburger patty made with fillet steak, rather I choose to be uplifted where I belong, where there is true peace and contentment and not one that fades as soon as my hamburger is finished being eaten. Consciousness takes charge, because a long time ago we let ourselves go and have never regained our composure and our peace within. This peace starts with Consciousness shutting out our minds from our existence to allow the natural heart field to be once again known. There is no other way. Radical times call for sane solutions in an insane world. I say all of this because Consciousness is free of the illusion. What it does with this freedom is restore what was to what it should be, where we go back to living from the heart. We learn to once again care about ourselves and others, and how this learning takes place is by us being where we belong, which is in the heart field rather than the head/mind. This is done now. 31/1/2024
  11. When I checked in on someone yesterday I felt something I have not felt before, where it felt like within them was a cylinder, and in that cylinder was another cylinder which was shearing away from the outer one. In the big picture what that is symbolic of is Consciousness shearing away from the illusion, and thus all that is has known of for such a long time. How do I know that to be true, where maybe I am just making my own assumption as to what I feel in others? Last night as I slept there was much activity around me, and when I fell into a deeper sleep I saw the main players in the field around me. I can’t remember what they looked like, but two things were distinct: The first was they wore all white clothes, and the second was they tried their best to pull the frequencies out of my head – as in what has come to be understood. There were about three of them dressed in their white suits, and they half lay against me as they frantically pulled what looked like ledgers out of my head, but as hard as they pulled, what was taken just returned to where it was. So that tells me that there is panic mode from those deep within the shadows of the unseen. The all-white uniform was startling to see, because normally we associate evil with a black dress code, but this is for those palookas who play their little covert games here in the illusion. Those at the top – predominantly the architects of the illusion – are dressed in white, as this is the opposite to what the Infinite is, which is a sense of Blackness, which is more a representation and expression of infinity. There is a panic mode in the control room of the illusion as the Infinite has made its presence known, and with this presence comes a shift in all of us, where we break away from the program that is the illusion. The complete shear away from the illusion is not yet complete, but when it is, it will be most interesting to see what changes in your existence and mine. My guess is that Consciousness will be free of the illusion, and thus in charge of the spirit and dense body form, where now the illusion and its programs will no longer control us, but rather Consciousness will. And with that there is really no compromise, as that is how things should be, where we that is Consciousness control the destiny of the spirit and body form, compared to the limitations of the programmed illusion. 30/1/2024
  12. It started a few days back with a message from an old client of mine. She had just come back from taking her dachshund to the vet, and she asked if I could help heal her dog that had just been diagnosed with jugular vein cancer. When I saw the video of this dog walking around she was in her best shape ever – her gait was fine, her coat was shining, and her eyes were sparkling stars, but when I went into this dogs energy field what I felt was catastrophic. She was bleeding energy from the left jugular at an alarming pace. I saw the white worm that was ushering the cancer through the dogs spirit and body, and I was amazed that this dog was not already dead. I had heard about this new turbo-cancer, and there it was in this dog. Was happy with the healing to this dog, and then I set the sights on me. When I went into this dogs space, the first thing I felt was a blow to its left hamstring area. The implosion took place there which rippled through its spirit and tore it apart, so I knew it was a psychic attack. Whatever hit this dog was a mini nuke on the spirit plane, and that’s what I needed to end my life. So I welcomed this that hit this dog, and when I closed my eyes I saw what looked like a jet propelled meteor that entered my space to come and settle over my left hamstring. The only pain I felt when this force entered me was a sharp pain to my right ribcage. I was a failure in the seen realm, where I could not draw a clientele from spirit healing to earn a living. In the unseen realm I was also a failure because no help came my way after all that I have done to assist the spirit realm. So what do you do? For me, the answer was to go somewhere within the unseen realms to be alone. That turbo-cancer that I placed within me will make short work of the spirit and body form, and from there my Consciousness would find a place where it can be alone for the sole reason of being able to rest, because more than anything I could not carry on because there was nothing more for me to give. I gave it my best shot and that was not good enough, and let’s be fair and say that I was shattered. I would sit on the couch and spontaneously burst into tears, but all was good because within a few days I would not be here, where I will be resting as this is all I longed for. From that moment of receiving that death blow on the spirit my presence within this dense realm changed. When I closed my eyes during the day I saw the dead around me – those who had died a long time ago but whose spirits still stayed around this place they once called home. At night time when I slept I went to visit and work with those that embraced the spirit realm and the work therein as this is all they knew. This one guy fixed machines – a real grease-monkey mechanic, and I became his apprentice. From there my spirit drifted to other worlds as I slept. In the one there was this virtual reality model who shoved her tongue into my ear to tantalize me. It was all very strange and peculiar drifting to these strange places, but the biggest transformation was to this Steven in the dense body form. My energy dropped to survival mode, whereas in the past I rose above Life and what it threw at me. Now I no longer cared, and on this level I could meet my wife and my one daughter head-on. Every blow they gave me in the past I could now counter, where I could meet their cruelty and give it back to them. Now I dropped to their level as this is all I now knew. When I asked why Life is cruel there was no doubt in my mind that I would solve that riddle. It was a question – an open question – that I knew I would answer because nothing else mattered but the answer to that question. In one weeks’ time it will be 10 years to the day that this journal began. So much has been said, and if someone has to ask me what was my answer to that question, it would be that we chose to walk alone without the God/Consciousness within. When we walked alone what immediately happened was that we could not rise above ourselves and be better than what we are, so why we became cruel was because we had no energy to be kind – to ourselves and to others. Life is cruel because we walked it alone, where whatever obstacle that came our way we punched a hole through it. We had no mercy, because mercy required energy which we never had. That is the answer as to why Life is cruel – it is because we never had the capacity/energy to be kind, and this was so because we believed we could walk this path alone and be fine in doing so. When I chose to be alone – because this is all the energy I had left, which was to lie down and sleep – that is when everything that was Good within me died. I was filled with a sense of failure because I was a failure, but there was no bitterness or hatred within me for myself or others. My alone status, where now I chose to be alone because I could not make it in the seen or unseen – this alone status is what banished Consciousness from our forms and made it wander within the illusion, where it became prey to Beasts from the shadows. So how you swing everything around is by knowing you have been alone, and from there no longer accepting this that you are. You welcome Consciousness to walk with you, and in that moment what was can no longer be. Am I a failure? – You bet I am, but I am a failure that no longer walks alone, and that changes everything. 8:54 PM 27/1/2024
  13. Ask yourself what was it that floored this beautiful illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis? What happened to Consciousness – this child of the Infinite – that it became lost unto itself and the Home where it belonged? What happened that we became locked in a dense frequency prison that became a living and real nightmare? Sure, this journal has covered most of the bases that kept us here, but there was one keystone that kept everything else intact, where if it was not for this keystone the illusionary Hell could not exist. The curiosity of the Dragon and Serpent spirits as to what else is in the illusionary Garden that is not already in the Infinite created an unknown frequency in the illusion that came to infiltrate all therein. This frequency we called the parasitic frequency of Deception, that created a want in those it infiltrated, and by those we imply Consciousness, the spirit and the dense body form. This Parasite was neither good nor bad, in merely was, and it was our response to this Parasite that swayed us to become good or bad. How bad did we want; how important was it to us to fulfill this want within us? This Parasite became the keystone that kept the illusion intact, and I say this because this Parasite had something that all within the illusion did not have, or should I say – the Parasite lacked what all in the illusion had, and what this was, was the strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness within Consciousness - this spark of Consciousness that arose from the Source that was the motor of Consciousness. The Parasite merely was, where it was a state formed from curiosity. It was an afterthought within the Infinite that was never before expressed within the Infinite, where it was not born from the Source of the Infinite, so the Parasite did not have the spark of Consciousness within it that arose from the Source. Our Consciousness is our conscience, where we remember what we are and from where we arose, which means “behave yourself and know your place, which is Oneness with the Source and the fields of Infinite Love.” In this state we are Beautiful, where we are what we merely are, but what happens when you enter an illusion and a Parasite within the illusion takes you over that lacks a conscience because it was not born with one? The answer is, if you remain unchecked unto yourself you also lose your conscience, and this is where we that is Consciousness begin to forget ourselves and from where we arose, where what we are at our core becomes no more. (Just as the Parasite, which lacked the core spark from the Source of the Infinite.) In purging the Parasite earlier on from all it has ever known, what startled me was that there was no spark within its Consciousness, and as this Parasite took us over where we focused on our wants, we forgot this spark within our Consciousness because in the Parasite there was not one. If I have said in the journal that the Parasite had a Consciousness then I was right, but what I never knew was its Consciousness lacked the spark from the Source, and I say this because earlier on at its “chest area” where the heart field should be there was nothing there, and without this heart field Consciousness is a vehicle without an engine, meaning it is there, but useless to all. Why it became useless was because its core was absent - this spark within Consciousness that arose from the Source. In seeing the state of the Parasite, I immediately took of my strand within and gave it to the frequency of the Parasite so that it may become real within the illusion, where we forget about our wants to focus on what is real, which is our Consciousness within. By knowing what should be, my Consciousness restores the spark within itself. That is what floored the illusionary Garden and kept it down: It was the Parasite that lacked a spark as it was not born from the Source, and as this Parasites want became ours, we the spirit and body form forgot of our spark within, but most importantly, our Consciousness too forgot of this as it was in the presence of one that lacked a spark/speck of Inherent Godness/Goodness within its Consciousness. Now the wheels flew off the vehicle, where we wandered aimlessly without a conscience, but something had to be done, so we buckled up and began surviving, and that was the beginning of the end of our Consciousness as we knew it, where it became no more to us the spirit and body form, and sadly for Consciousness itself, where it became lost unto itself. Try as I may to remove the Parasite from our forms, this has never worked, and now I know why, where you cannot just dismiss a problem – you have to heal it so that it may grow and become strong and return to what it is. This could never be done because I never fully understood what the Parasite was, or should I say – what it lacked. So rather than releasing the Parasite, we return it to what it should be, which is a state of Consciousness with an intact spark/strand of Inherent Godness/Goodness within. And that I find remarkable, because when this journal truly began was when I walked up to a horse to treat it, and against the horses body i saw this speck of Light, which was the strand of Godness. That strand showed itself so that we that is Consciousness may remember what we are, which is a child born from the Source of the Infinite. We forgot this strand that we are. So against the body of that horse I was shown what we forgot, and now the process began to fit in that spark into the big picture, where the whole story had to be told as to what happened at the very beginning. May that story be complete, where the spark be born into the Parasite, where we now no longer have a want within, and thus Consciousness may shine and be what it naturally is. Once again, may that be the last. May this healing of the Parasite be all that is left in order to heal the big picture. And that I believe to be so. 24/1/2024
  14. Let’s say me and you are in a Game. In this Game I manipulate and control you, and the reason being is I hold all the cards in the pack. I know everything there is to know about you, and this I keep from you, because me knowing you, while you don’t know yourself, keeps me in control over you. So try as you may, it is me against you, and whatever you do to be free of me I counter your move. Your every move I know, where I play with you, where I take you to the edge of insanity, and sometimes beyond. You are in my Game because I feed from your energy. Ask yourself why is evil covert – why is it hidden? Sure, those that are evil don’t want us to know of the Game we are played in, but for me it goes so much deeper than that, where for me the evil are the cowards of the illusion, where they hide in the shadows and their secret societies because they are afraid of showing us what they are. Who likes someone who is cruel and wishes no one well? Who likes a two-face, where what you show is the complete opposite of what you are within? Nobody likes evil people and spirits, simply because it is not nice being around them. Who likes a callous, cruel shit who has no friends and wants no friends, and that includes you. The evil are in a league of their own, and what backed them up and gave them power was the Reptilian frequency of the illusion – this force that kept the illusion intact that fed off fear and heartache, where it became Fear. So the shitter this place is for you and me, the better it is for evil, as they survive on this dense frequency, where it is their power, and believe you me, there is power there. With this power they played their Game, and you and I never stood a snowballs chance in Hell because not only did evil hold the aces of the pack, they held every card in the pack. What this journal done was take back those cards, one by one, so that we may understand cruelty, where what happened that our brothers and sisters became monsters? But you can only go so far, the reason being you are still played in a Game. You see, you have to play in my Game because my very existence depends upon that, so even if you hold all the cards, it is still me against you, where I will make sure that everything from my part is done to keep you in my Game, where you give me of your attention/energy. And this is what has always bothered me – that we are in the presence of spineless cowards – those that hide in the shadows, too afraid to show the world what they are. What are you, you spineless runt? All you have is your cruelty, where you fear others seeing you for what you are. As long as there is you against evil, there is always a Game on the table, but what changes everything is if someone else comes and pulls up a chair to see the Game. Now it is no longer between me and you, but what changes everything is I am caught out, where now the third party sees me for what I am. The coward that I am is caught with my pants down, because never did I expect to have someone else around me, because my focus has always been on you and the manipulation of you. When others that are not meant to be there see me, that is when my Game is over. I believe there will be a purge in all of us, where what was hidden that got us down will be revealed and removed from our space. Part of this purging is evil scampering away with its tail between its legs. At the moment I am consciously aware of this phase in my existence, and I promise you, if I am going through this then so will all within the illusion. What was there that played you is no more, so what was hidden within you that should not be will come out as a result of being exposed in this Game that should not be, and this is done by a third party. That third party I believe is the collective presence of Consciousness, where what is natural touches all. I am what I am, so how can I be anything else but what I am. That is the voice of Consciousness, where it knows itself, where this is all there is and cannot be another. What is the next phase I don’t know, but I hope for a wake-up-shake-up so that we may be shaken away from the old to reveal what should be. To feel the presence of this force that one cannot stop is most uplifting, where I feel something with us that should always have naturally been there, but never was, and yet now it is. For that I am thankful. There is so much I can say to those in the seen and unseen who have lived as savages and have seen this as their right to do so, but I understand that now I have a choice: Either walk with these fools and give them your attention so they may know what a fool they are; or walk with this presence that naturally is – one which uplifts you to rise above yourself. My advice is be an adult. When someone comes to take you away from the Game, don’t hang around so that you can get in the final say, where you tell and show these fools what fools they are. Don’t do that – the presence of this force will be enough for them to see what they are, where your two cents worth is uncalled for and unnecessary. So walk away with this presence to become it. That is all that is important. The days of standing our ground against evil are over because their Game is exposed, where it is over – they just don’t know that yet. Don’t hang around to fight the fight to the end, rather walk away with this presence that is in your midst. As long as you fight you are in their Game, and in the past this we had to do as we stood alone. To where you now walk I don’t know, but I cannot wait to find out.
  15. The shift is here. It is touching us. 23/1/2024
  16. As I slept last night I saw through my Third Eye these creatures about half a meter tall. They had arms and legs, and their faces had a squashed oval appearance, which had no features except a mustardy yellow glow to it. They wore a hat, and their numbers defined them, where the sheer numbers of them is what gave them strength. I felt them inside of me and all around me, and when they walked their legs were sharp points, where I would see one walk towards me and purposefully show me that he was about to pierce my spirit with his sharpened pole leg. I felt the weight of them as they surrounded me, and felt their weight lesson as they popped from being in my presence, so what they attempted to do to me was swung around onto them. From there, sometime later in the night I received my first symbolic message. In the vision I was outdoors somewhere, and there was a python around me, as were there a few deer’s. Then I was indoors with this lady, and we walked outdoors and once again there I saw the python. I saw its massive body move slowly, but I never saw its head, thus was unsure if it was moving towards us, so I took this sharp stick and prodded in its direction, telling this lady to be cautious of the snake. She looked around and said “are there more than 14 deer here by us?” In his brilliant book Animal Speak, the author Ted Andrews says “To many the deer is considered the most important animal ever hunted. The hunt of the deer is what transfers our civilization to the wilderness.” He says that the deer is also a central religious image for Buddhism, where Buddha first preached in a deer park, which reasserts the meaning of the deer as representing innocence and a return to the wilderness. Andrews says “the deer leads us back to the primal wisdom of those old teachings. It reminds us to establish a strong healthy connection with the child before we expose it to many people and other strange energies.” This I feel is allowing Consciousness to know itself and the Infinite, and from there its association with the spirit and body form may become strong. He says that when deer show up in your life it is time to be gentle with yourself and others. A new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. As for the snake, Andrews says it reflects a transition in your life, where they are symbols of change and healing. The number 14 represents growth and transformation to positive changes. Ten years ago this month a tick bit me that caused me to go Man down. Every year this sleeping Beast rises within me to once again floor me, where one loses strength and control over oneself. Your energy is no longer your own because now you have none. Lyme’s disease is one of those urban legends where some say it was developed in a laboratory in Lyme, Connecticut as part of a biological weapon, and this I can believe because the tick bite makes you zero on the contract, where others can knock you over with a feather, and I mean that literally. As I work through this condition that once again reared its ugly head I battle to keep it together, where it is as if my senses become acute to those around me. I feel the people and their energies around me, and something deep within them repels me from them, and I cannot be in the space of what is there. What it is, is their naivety to what is out there that rules and governs them. I feel we need to become cognitive to the harsh realities of the unseen within the illusion, and from there stand strong within ourselves, where we allow this Consciousness God-force to lead the way. Everything you believe and define as you needs to be thrown off the table, where it stays off so that in your humble state you follow the one that knows, which is your Consciousness, which is what you are as this is all that is real within the illusion. In this state we return to the wilderness, which for me is the fields of Infinite Love. How this is done is by returning to our innocence, where we the spirit and body form focus on the heart field of Consciousness, where we Love this Consciousness that we are by knowing it is there. That for me, is the stillness of the silence, where we Love this Consciousness by being one with it. That way, we the spirit and body form transform. You live in the heart field, which is silent. The head thinks, but the heart is silent as it merely is. And most importantly of all, open yourself up to receive and be the Consciousness that you are. 20/1/2024
  17. So let me tell you what came last night as I slept. The implanted dream was of a train on tracks, going between two points. The settings on this train were not correct, where the train did not stop in time at the begin and end points, so it crashed into these juncture points. So back and forth this massive train went, trying to get its settings right so that it could not continue to crash. Woke up from the dream and saw a Human looking entity sitting next to my bed looking at me. Between me and him was this bright yellow coloured energy – the energy I had released from following the dream. My energy was a beautiful gold colour. When I saw this spirit my first impression was that he was a hobo, because his beard made him look scruffy, and he also had this non-chalant attitude towards him. It was as if he was there to adjust my parameters so that I may remain focused on what is, and not be distracted by irrelevant happenings, but that I don’t fully understand, or know if my assumption is true or not. I just remember this spirit taking handfuls of my energy and eating it. What I feel during the day is how does the truth stand up in a place that is packed with lies? Am I just a lie like everything else out there? Of course I am not, because I would never lie to myself because my happiness is too important for that. Let’s say, as an example, I suspect there is a leaking pipe somewhere in my house. I can’t fix it because I am not a plumber, and I cannot afford to get a plumber out, so what do I do? The answer is I ignore the problem, pretending it isn’t there and will just go away. But eventually it gets worse, and still I avoid it. Now take that example and apply it to Life. We believe in something bigger than us that is there for us, but look at Life – look at the innocent children in Life. How many go to bed every night with hunger pains? How many are abused? How many children know of nothing but not having the basics that Life should offer? Where is this God that we all believe in; where is He for the children? That doesn’t make sense. But instead of digging up the floor and fixing the broken pipe, we ignore it, holding onto our belief that everything is okay. It isn’t, and never has been. So with no money, I began to dig up the floor. I did not know what I will find, or how I will fix the problem when I found it, but dig I had to. And what I found was that we all missed one vital element in our story, and that is God needed us more than we needed Him. What floored Him was us fucking around where we lost all dignity and self-respect, and this broke the heart of Consciousness. Why did we not learn? Why did we show no remorse? Why not better ourselves to rise above ourselves? The answer is we loved playing it rough, where we came to accept our survival. That pipe is leaking? - Well so what. Fuck it! What we sink to a deeper level is okay. That broke the heart of Consciousness, where we the spirit and body form liked playing dirty, where we never questioned ourselves or listened to our Consciousness. So the heart of Consciousness broke as the few fucked up and the majority of us remained silent as the innocent were destroyed by these few, which meant we all became complacent and guilty to cruelty. From the ashes of our broken heart field a force arose to make this wrong right, where an answer had to be found to our predicament of no longer caring. How many hobos do I drive past every day? – I would say at least five. Do I care about them? No I don’t. What does that say about me? It says my Life is in such a mess I have lost the most basic trait that makes us Human, which is caring. What does it mean to walk with God? It means I look at myself and ask if I like what I see. I have a deep animosity to all out there, where you can fuck off and leave me alone. So what I do is tell myself that I don’t like to feel like that, so I ask God to take this animosity away from me. We all fucked up somewhere along the line, but that is also not true, because many are good out there, and for one, the children never messed up. So what those innocent do is ask God to carry them to where they belong. As for this Steven, I have to direct my anger towards a controlled determination to undo what was done to us by the evil that flourished in the illusion. It is not allowed that the innocent suffer. What harm have they ever done to you or me? The answer is they done nothing, where their only crime was to Love. Now I walk for them, with God by my side, where I pass them onto the grace of God – my God, and not some preachers God, but the God I met and helped so that He may help us. And that “us” includes me because I also need help, where I acknowledge my shortcomings because I want to be a better person that what I am. Where will all of this take us? For one, away from where we were. There was one little component that we all missed, and what that was, was God needed us more than what we needed Him. We had to restore the heart field of Consciousness, where we had to rise above our broken state to help One who was lost as a result of those in the illusion fucking up. We became the complete opposite of what we naturally should be, where we stopped caring about ourselves and others. We lost our dignity, and we were okay with this, and this broke the heart of Consciousness. How do we fix this? That answer is easy: I care about you, and you care about me. Or should I say: I care about my Consciousness, and this restores its heart field, so now Consciousness may once again care about me the spirit and body form, and together we walk as one. That is what it means in finding God and walking with God, because God is within us. We messed up, or at least let me speak on my behalf, where I messed up because I am a far cry from being happy. So what do I do about that? I make myself aware of my faults and pass them on to God/Consciousness within me. With that fault gone, I awaken to another fault, and one by one they fall until all that is left is me and God, and then I become one with this God, as this is all that there is. This is what the awakening is, where we are awakened to the path Homeward bound to be one with the God within. Just as we walked into the mud, now we walk out, and this is done by restoring the heart field of Consciousness, where we once again care for this that we are. That is all it takes – to care for one we forgot about. In caring for Consciousness we rise above ourselves, and it is that simple action that leads us the spirit and body form Home to the Consciousness that we are. 18/1/2024
  18. So what changed in my existence? Normally when you look back on a difficult time in your Life, you find humour in what happened, where at the time it wasn’t funny, but now you can have a good laugh about it. What I went through in writing this journal wasn’t funny – it wasn’t funny then and it isn’t funny now. In those early years seeing those Snakes around me, and feeling them enter my spirit and body to possess me wasn’t funny. Seeing the cosmic assassins and feeling their blows to damage the spirit which destroys the body form wasn’t funny. During those moments with Beasts in your presence if you are fearful you die because they feed from your fear which makes them stronger and you weaker. What kept me alive then was filling myself with the Love that I had for the animals, and this heightened presence made these Beasts depart my space. That was scary shit, but I was never afraid because more than anything I had to understand what the hell was going on that Life was such a disaster. What my own species done to me was far worse than those in the unseen, where we are just plain nasty, but let’s no go there as that is the past. What did those experiences achieve for me? Did it get me my two million dollar house that I can call home? Did it get me a car that I don’t have to worry if it will break down or not? Did it bring me peace? Did it transform the reality around me. It was none of the above. All that I have from walking through all I have experienced is a knowing that I am walking with God – the God/Consciousness within and the God without. I am not a religious man, so I never seeked my saviour – all I wanted was to be happy and lead a full Life. But let’s be honest and mature: Did I think I could walk in the illusion alone and be okay? Why would you want to walk alone and not share your existence with another? Why would you not want help, where you are always looked after and cared for? I never knew about those things then because my priority was to understand why Life is cruel. It was cruel because we walked alone, so I had to walk and find out what happened to those that are meant to walk with us. Where were these fuckers? Why did they abandon us, where heartache became the norm here in the illusion? I found that answer. I found God, and boy was He fucked up. But he came right through Love and understanding, where He knew He doesn’t walk alone, because if He cannot be there for me, then I will be there for Him. Pass on that last sentence to the Man on the street and they will think I am insane, but there it is – all written out step for step in the journal as to how the path eventually led to the One who thought they got this, but was the One who needed help the most. What others don’t understand is that in Love there is no hierarchy, where just as your God is there for you, maybe, just maybe your God needed your help by you being there for Him. If I ask you for help, and you cannot help me, then maybe you also need help, and then when you are okay, you can help me. The tough one there is now I have to dig deep to find the strength to help you, and that was the path of this journal, where in my floored state I had to get up and find out what the hell is going on – why are we alone in this hell-hole? So what has changed in my existence and yours is we no longer walk alone. I have seen God, felt His turmoil, and then seen Him when He was healed. Some preacher did not tell me that God is with me – I met Him and healed Him so that He may pass on the help that we need. What is that help? – It is that we no longer walk alone. Now, what fills my state is a knowing that Consciousness and a God of the illusion walk with me, and with you. “That sounds great, but show me the proof.” Well, yesterday I got medication from our homeopath, and my health feels better. Last night I had the first good night’s sleep I think ever in my Life. Am I still apprehensive over what the future will bring? No, I am not. I am still in a house where I don’t belong, but I know I am in good hands. We cannot do this alone. This healer that is Steven needs help from others to heal me. God puts them on my path. And even if we can do this alone, why would we? Why would we not share it with another? After all that has been said in this journal, and all that I have come to see that so few out there know about, the only change in me is my knowing that I no longer walk alone. I found God that was fucked up and got Him right so that He may help me and you. Open yourself up to what should have always been there that is now there, and of course, always keep your side clean, where you represent that which you walk with. Is this the last entry in this journal? For the Love that I have for God, and the Love this presence has for me, may that be so. 9:27 AM 17/1/2024
  19. Let’s say, for example, that you are always around me. My attitude is have fun, where I do what I want when I want because I can. That, for me, is fun, where there are no consequences for my actions. Within me is a free spirit – a freedom that knows of no boundaries and limitations, where I am on my turf, where anything goes, as this is an expression of who and what I am. And here I reiterate: I make the rules, where I live according to my law, which is take Life and live it, where the law of my jungle is survive, and this is not about you surviving, but me surviving, as this is my jungle and not yours. Whether you like it or not, you are along for the ride, and what that means in simple English, is when I fall you fall, and this is the primary factor in my existence, which unfortunately for you, is also in your existence, which is FALL. By you always being around me, my actions make you fall. I do not uplift you, I make you fall. What can you say about that? – Nothing. What can you do about that, where my callous ways touch you one hundred percent? The answer is nothing, and why this is so, is because I am lost, where I cannot walk away from you because I am lost unto myself. So all I come to know is your jungle and the Beast that you are, where you live for you and the pleasures that define the plastic, superficial, wasted space that you are. That is why the bully was feared by all at school, because he came to rule the schoolyard through brute force, and as we were not as strong as him, we cowered to him and his cruel, primitive ways. As we got older we cowered to the rich because they had what we wanted. We cowered to those that have no culture or finesse, because what could we do in the presence of such filth but turn our heads and hope they no longer exist. But there they are, loving every moment of this euphoric place of freedom, where do what you want when you want. Slide and fall. Slide and fall. Where you accumulate around you, but nothing within you, and this you cannot see because of the nature of what you are. What are you? – You live for you, where every focus of every attention of every moment is for you. It is me – the eternal, everlasting me, where my happiness defines me, so always I focus on me. There is no “you” in my world. It is all about me. What I have just described is the reason for this journal being penned, where more than anything, I had to find a way away from such beings in my presence, and the reason for that, is that is not me. I refused to carry on being in the presence of filth – these utterly cruel, raw savages that came to make up the illusion in the seen and unseen. In a school of eight hundred, how many bullies were needed to turn the place into a living nightmare, where everyone’s Life there was touched in a disharmonious way by one awful being? Just one was needed to make everyone fall. That I see wasted spaces all around me in my route through Life is testament to how many times we have fallen, where the bully pulls us down to a denser frequency as they fall and we fall with them. In no time there are so many of these that should not be, where they are the norm and define what is normal. I see the madness and cruelty in others, and I wonder what it is about them that they cannot see what they are. How can you not feel that hatred coursing through your veins? How can you not see that stupidity that you are? What are you? – You are plastic, superficial nothing, and this is so because in your world of Me this is okay, because everything revolves around me, and this is all I need, where everything else is irrelevant. What if I tell you that all of this is not okay, where I refuse to fall or be touched by your existence. You see, up till now you have always needed me, where my miserable state uplifts you, because there you see that you are better than me, because you are happy and I am not, which reinforces that what you do is the right thing to do, which is me looking out for me and not for you. I am happy and you are not. That you are not happy because of my self-centered, cruel actions doesn’t affect me because my Life is all about me, but what it does do, is isolate me further away from you, where my world becomes bigger and yours smaller. Now you are afraid of this place, because this place is mine as I have taken it over for me, where my law becomes a universal one, which is survival of the rudest and cruelest. That is the world I had to find a way out of, because in that world I cannot exist, and the reason being is I am not rude and cruel. I don’t slide and fall, where by your proximity to me, you fall with me, and this is a given, where when I fall with the filth that I am, you fall with me. Am I being bitter in saying all of this? Am I being harsh on my fellow inhabitants of the illusion in the seen and the unseen? I write what I see. You choose to see what you want to see so that your world may be defined to what you would like it to be. I see what I see. I don’t see the best foot forward or what I wish was there, I see what is there that is for all to see if we would only acknowledge the truth, which is we live amongst those that have stopped Loving and caring a long time ago. We are a generation that has lost the Beauty of innocence, where the simple things of Life should humble us to be eternally grateful for who we are and where we find ourselves, where we are a gift of the Infinite that we share with others. Always has it been, when you fall so do I, because I never had an answer to your wicked ways, except maybe to do my best to avoid you. But you are there – a being that stopped trying and caring a long time ago. What if now I know myself, where within your existence I cannot budge, where I stand rock-solid within myself? What happens to you now, where when you fall, I no longer fall with you? I will tell you what happens: Your cock-sure attitude falls away, as now I am no longer in your existence to give you strength and surely, where in the past I cowered to you and your wicked, savage ways, now I stand true to myself. I am no longer you and you me through default of us sharing the same space, because now I stand in my might because I know what I am, and this is the critical difference that makes your walls fall, as they always will and do, and mine rise, is I know myself, whereas you hold onto what you believe will make you happy, where what you have is nothing. Look where you are. You are in an illusion – an air bubble in all the oceans of the illusion. That is your kingdom where you rule supreme. You have never seen or noted how insignificant you are – what a fool you have made of yourself where you believe that this that you are is all there is. In the grand scheme of things, what are you? What is your self-importance, where you know it is your right to be above me, where do with me what you wish, because to you I am nothing, where it is all about you. Can you not see what you have become? No, you cannot, because everything around you is seen in a far off distance, and this is so because what is in your proximity is for you and about you and nothing else. Once again, am I being bitter? Am I being harsh? Am I being unfair? What I am, is seeing the illusion for what it is, and if you do not see what I see, believe you me you will, where the cruelty and harsh reality of Life will touch you as it has me and trillions before me. And with each touch we fall, where what was is now no longer there, and so we carry on falling, and this is okay, because what else can we do? That is why I wrote this journal, where I refuse to be around those who are cruel and believe this is okay, where their misery makes them the victim in Life, so now it is their right to blame you for their miserable existence. It is your fault! You are to blame! How dare you! And your only crime was being kind, and unfortunately your innocence had no answer but to fall with the cruel, and what was once pure now becomes tainted by this beautiful place that is inhabited by superficial, weak, cruel barbarians. I am better than that. I am not that. I have so many faults, where I look at mine before I look at yours because I want to be better than what I am. I choose to uplift myself so that I may be in a position to help and uplift you. That is what I am. Woke up earlier on from a deep sleep by someone flooring their car trying to go two hundred miles an hour. What person in their rightful mind is so inconsiderate to all around them? How is that okay? Just before I was woken up I felt the presence of Consciousness within the illusion, and what I felt was one who is rock-solid within itself, where it is what it is by knowing what it is. Now when I am cruel, my actions bounce off of you, rather than pull you down with me. Now what I do affects me and not you, and that rattles me, where I see me and only me for what I am. Do you know what that does to me? - It pulls apart everything that is me. That is what God finding Himself and His Home in the illusion has done to this place, where it falls apart, where the one falls as it always has, and the other is uplifted to where it belongs. It is that shear between these two states that makes the jungle rumble, crumble, and fall, and I say that because I felt Consciousness in its true state earlier on, and believe you me, that is real, compared to cruelty, which is not. It is only in a bubble that a wasted space can become king of the hill, where the fool rules and the innocent have no say. That bubble is no longer in your existence and mine because we stand with the Consciousness in its whole state that we are. “Well Steven, here is a reality check: It is 12:44 AM and you are awake from being in the presence of wasted spaces that have come to define the illusion. Not much good this make-over Consciousness is to you, eh.” Oh yes, how right you are. And that is why I wrote not for you or me, but for those that can help but were floored by the dense frequency of the illusion. Always have I known that I am too lost to make a difference to this illusion so that I may rise above it and leave this place. I knew myself well, and what I knew was that those in the illusion fucked me up good and solid – from the stranger to ones I Love more than Life itself. They all fucked me up, and continue to do so, be it that stranger in their car or my daughter who is disgusted in what she sees in me. It is a cruel place this illusion. But those days are over, and I say this because I felt Consciousness for what it now is. That Consciousness is in a Creator and Gods that are in this illusion, and as they rise, I rise with them. So sure, it’s now 12:54 AM and I should be sleeping in the nurturing care of those who can help me and you, but I promise you that day will come, where we no longer walk amongst the cruel. That day will arrive, just as I will go to sleep now, knowing that when I wake up things will be okay and remain so, because now I no longer fall, where I am rather uplifted to where we all naturally belong. And this is not my hope or wish or belief. I have walked through the core of Hell so that I may understand this place and what happened that it became like this. I walked in a controlled anger, where I had enough of this place and what it had to offer. So I write from what I see and feel within me, and I write for all, because all of us were guaranteed to fall as we always have until we can fall no further, where we become robots and forget what it means to live and be and care. How many of those are already out there in other worlds? How much longer before we become the machine we were plugged into. You might think you are okay, but all you know is what others tell you. Have you ever looked to see what is there? It is a mess – a right-royal fucking mess with you standing slap-bang in the middle of it. As a fellow brother, may I have done my duty to set you free from this mess, because I am there for you, as that is what a brother does to his fellow brothers and sisters. It was never just about me, because what am I without you. What are my joys if I cannot share them with you. So rise up. Allow the Consciousness within you to uplift you, where for the first time in a long time you may no longer continue to fall. 1:41 AM 16/01/2024
  20. I thought nothing of it, where normally when I wake up from seeing the unseen I write the experience down, but I thought nothing of what happened to me last night, but let me write it down now because I can. What happened never made sense to me, and that is why I thought nothing of it. Woke up sometime during the night, and through my Third Eye saw this face looking at me. There was this face, and extending from the face – which I would call this face’s body – was a long cream coloured tube going back a few meters. I strongly surmise that the face was of the Man that carried the cross I saw a few nights back – the God of the illusion. There was angst in His face, as in He couldn’t wait to receive what He came for. This angst must have made Him reach my space before the other that came with Him. She had no distinct facial features, where I saw nothing but a few horns here and there, however Her presence was distinctly feminine. Together the two of them looked towards my chest area, as within there was what they came for. And this is the part I don’t understand. As I lay in bed looking at these two forces in my presence, I felt my chest open up, and therein lied a baby. This baby was what God came for, and when He held this Child in His arms, everything in His existence became fulfilled. So there I lay in bed confused, where I thought my energy was taken, so I shouted out to them that my energy could not be taken without my permission. Looking back now, obviously I was wrong in my assumption, and even then, when I shouted out the words, I knew I was talking through my arse, where I never had a clue what had just transpired. What was this Child that they came to collect within my chest area? When I go into its space, I feel strings come forth from my chest area. This Child is what made God sing, where Love shone forth for all to see, and all was Good. What is this Child? – It is you and me; it is Consciousness in its pure form. This Child was taken from God, because here in the illusion we could live by our own rules, and what these rules were, were have fun. If you are having fun, albeit at the expense of others, then who is that dumb fuck who says you need to be kind and considerate to others? That dumb fuck is called being true to yourself, where you keep your integrity and humbleness intact. Here in the illusion Pinocchio could be a real boy, where there were no limitations, and boy, was that fun! But what happened after the fun? What happened was we questioned what we had just done, but the problem was never with us, because all we wanted was fun. What we never saw was we turned into donkeys, where we made fools of ourselves – outright bloody fucking fools! The problem was there were so many of us doing the same thing that we all cannot be wrong, so we stuck together and supported each other, because we are right. What is wrong with fun? What is wrong with being proud of myself when I have achieved what I set out to do? The problem is that it was at the expense of others, where when others suffer, so will you. Not today or tomorrow, but suffer you will, because like attracts like, where what you give out you receive. And in no time we lost ourselves and our way, but someone had to take charge of this chaos, and that is when the evil Serpent went occult to hide in the shadows and rule over us. Goodness died because we saw our fun as having no limits and no price to pay, but we were wrong. What unfolded within the illusion broke the heart of Consciousness, where we were never true to this that we are – our heart field - and from the broken ashes of our heart field a presence was born to make this wrong right. This presence came to be known as God, and it meant well, and only wanted the best for us, but what it lacked was what was broken from heartache – which was the true heart energy field. That Child that was taken from my chest last night was your Consciousness and mine in its true form, where we saw and understood the big picture, and from there returned to the Love that we are. We returned Home, where we became the Love that we are. What is this God – this presence that I saw that is so real? I would say it is the collective Consciousness of us all that stood as one to represent us. So just as I have my Consciousness and you have yours, a part of me and you joined forces to stand as one, and this became God of the Illusion. Consciousness is the God-force within you, and there was one universal God that represented the presence of Consciousness within the illusion. What it lacked was its true heart field, and it was deceived to believe that by plugging into the machine that the illusion became, that a wrong will eventually be made right, and Love will shine through once again. This never worked, so all God could do was carry our burden and be there for us. When – not if – we broke, God would be there for us, so break, as that is okay, because I am there to carry you. That was not okay, and God knew that, but what could He do? To answer that question, ask what could we do? We prayed and hoped, and we done our best, but what we should have done was take this burden from God – this Black Ball it carried. If we lessened His load He could heal. Our mistake was our perception, where we saw God as almighty. Well, He is – and so are you. In Love there is no hierarchy, and this we forgot, and this was our downfall. There is a God-force within you that is you called Consciousness, so it is fair to say that you are God – God as in Beauty, Peace, Humbleness, Joy, and most importantly of all, knowing your place where you belong, which is the fields of Infinite Love as well as the Source of the Infinite. And that is why there has always been this push within me to find my Home – in the seen and unseen, because when you are Home you know what you are through the presence that is all around you. What I did not understand in my sleep state last night, now I understand. God is Home. God/Consciousness has found His heart field – this Beautiful Child, and this means God is whole and thus Home. What happens from here I cannot say, as I write what I see and come to understand, and that is all I know.
  21. What allowed the illusionary Hell to flourish? Or should we say – what allowed the evil Serpent to rule over the illusion? The answer is the absence of the true heart energy field. When that became absent within our existence, that allowed the Snake to enter our empty heart space and take up residence there, and from there they ruled supreme over us and the illusion. The heart energy field in its true form gave off a sound/frequency to which Disharmony was not compatible to, and I say this because with the restoration of the heart field I can feel what has been hidden from us, where within those I have assessed in the past and picked up nothing, now I feel these Snakes that literally fill the entire space of the spirit and body form, and I am sure Consciousness as well. With the heart field restored, this exposes their presence, and one feels them retreat to the pits from where they came. What is this sound they are not compatible with that emanates from the heart field? (The true heart field was broken in the one I would call God of the Illusion, and what was in the heart fields place was a watered down memory frequency of the original one. How they broke the heart field in this one that arose from its broken ashes I can only assume was through deception and cruelty over a period of what we would call time. Remember, if I cannot get to you, I get to your Loved ones, and this results in your demise sooner or later. I do not want to know the details out of respect to this God. All I can say, is there was a time of Harmony here in the illusion, and this was shattered with the fall of the heart energy field.) From the heart field comes forth strings – almost like the strings on a musical instrument. These strings go out into a far off space, and from there these strings become engulfed in a Blackness, and this Blackness is everywhere that consumes these strings. This Blackness then settles over the heart energy field – the place from where these strings shot forth, and from there I feel this Blackness enter the heart field like two hands that Lovingly hold the Consciousness within the heart field. It is a most beautiful sensation to feel, where Consciousness is wrapped in the arms of the Infinite. It is unbelievable. From this heart field two lines shoot up into the head, and what happens here, is I feel the Infinite assessing the head to absorb what Consciousness has expressed, where the experience of Consciousness is stored in the “brain” area. So what the sound is that the Serpent cannot be in the presence of is the “singing” of Consciousness, but singing is not an appropriate term, where it is more of a play from the heart energy field to express what it is at that moment, and the base foundation of this expression is Joy – the Joy to express what you are and from where you arose. I said Joy, but throw into that also Beauty, where you express the Beauty of what you are. The sound was the callings of Consciousness for the Infinite to behold what Consciousness had just created, and that is why you and I that is Consciousness were born from the Source of the Infinite into its playing fields – to share the Joy of what we are with the Infinite. May our sounds once again be heard by the Infinite, where Joy becomes what naturally is.
  22. If I say we were broken, there are different components that made up this state, with the first being Consciousness being lost unto itself. Its home was the heart energy field within the illusion, and from there it could move to the fields of Infinite Love. The one who oversaw the illusion was devoid of this heart field, and so was the illusion absent of this space, and this was one of the major factors that kept Consciousness lost. Am I saying all within the illusion are heartless? No, what I say is we never had a base foundation from which to be and express ourselves. We held onto what we believed was true and right, and we done our best to ease the plight of others, but never fully could we stand within ourselves and transform the Disharmony around us to its natural state of Harmony. Fair enough, we tried, and in many instances we succeeded, but effort was required, and this was so to heal the stop-go state of Consciousness – our broken state. What we never knew was heal the one who made the broken state His own, and in doing so you heal the illusion and all therein. Now there is a platform on which to stand where we that is Consciousness may be, and this touches the spirit and body form, and Life returns to a natural flow. What also broke us was us having to accept that no help was coming our way to pull us out of Hell. Sure, you hear about these Walt Disney feel-good movies, where at the end of the day Goodness prevails, but for most out there their reality was a different one, where each day we do our best, and each day is effort. I said there will be a wake-up-shake-up, where what was can no longer be, and when you feel the state of God, you understand more than anything that what was in His presence can no longer be. That black ball He passed on was the burden of the illusion, where sooner or later all fall. This burden He carried for your sake and mine, and this allowed us hope, where as tough as Life is, it will be okay. What gave us that “things will be okay” feeling? – It was from God carrying the burden of our reality, where keep going, and He will do His best to make sure that Harmony shines through. That Life was destructive and cruel was unfortunately the ingredients that made up the illusion, and this floored us, where most never recovered from the trauma of Life. All we done, was sink to a deeper level – a denser frequency, where we accepted that what was there is no longer, so make do with this next level of Hell. That burden – that black ball/hole of Destruction was passed onto the Infinite, which allows God to heal and return to a state of Love and Harmony, and for this I am eternally grateful.
  23. Somewhere during the course of the night woke up to see this Man on a cross. It was the same Man I felt yesterday – the God of the Illusion. He moved closer and closer towards me until my chin was on his shoulder, and the close proximity of me to Him was so that I may feel what was going on in His abdomen. I felt the black ball there, and from Him this black ball entered me. The He moved away from me so I could see Him, and at this distance I extended my hand into His Chest to send Him Love. You cannot believe the turmoil, chaos and confusion that is in God. When I heard that the Gnostics believed that God had a flaw within it, I always assumed they spoke of Queen Semiramis, as this illusion she created. I never knew that from the broken state of the illusion a force would rise to make sense of this broken place, where through intellect and reason it would make this illusion its domain and rule over all therein. That I never knew. That Man on the cross is not Jesus. Jesus was the Son of that Man, meaning Jesus came after that Man. That Man is God of the Illusion, and I believe Jesus – Christ Consciousness – was one of those that came to set us free, most notably that Man that is God. Jesus was his “Son” as this Man is ruler of the Illusion. The cross that Man was on was symbolic of the illusion, where he carried the burden of the illusion in order to make sense of it so that we may be free. Somewhere along the line He got the wrong end of the stick, where it is not acceptable that Life broke us and continued to break us. To make the best of this place as this is all there is, is unacceptable. What we have to understand is that God arose from the broken state of the illusion. He rose up with Love, and He created with Love, but there was just one fundamental flaw within Him, and that was there was no Love. He is the head – the intellect – where the illusion broke the Love that is His Consciousness. When I placed my hand in His chest area to give him Love you cannot believe the disunited turmoil within Him, and in this state He has always done his best. Can you now understand when rivers of heartache and loss flow through the illusion this God feeling nothing, where it never empathizes, and this is because it has no heart energy field. The illusion broke that, and from this broken state something had to be done to make sense of this all. I give you Love my friend, so that you remember this that you are. Thank you for doing your best. You are remarkable. Now rise up for a second time with Love within you, and in that moment, what was broken will be restored, and this is so because it arose from your whole state.
  24. When I go into the space of this God of the Illusion, what do I feel now with the Curiosity frequency taken out of the equation? (We have known of this frequency, yet we never knew its impact on the illusion, where it broke the illusion and all within it. Are we all broken? I would say we are holding onto survival for dear life, where none are truly in control of their destiny. So yes, I would say we are broken, doing our best to hold onto what we have, knowing it can be lost at any moment. But what I want to say, is by not knowing what this frequency done to the illusion, we never understood it, and thus could not remove it from our space. Now we know, which means we can remove it from our existence, where what was broken – which was everything – can now, wait for it, be BUILT BACK BETTER. That is meant to be funny by the way, where the johnsons and the schwabs will be proud. Jokes aside, I would like a foundation and a Life that is intact and not broken.) What do I feel in this God when I go into its space? I feel the pieces of it move around like on a multi-dimensional chess board, where I give this entity healing because I can, because maybe if the tables were turned we could have become like it, so I give it healing because I can. I know I need help, and will welcome help, and if I cannot receive it, at least I can give it, which I do now. I feel all these broken pieces move around, where they are shifted with Love and understanding, primarily through the curiosity/broken frequency removed from the presence of this entity, and this is replaced with Consciousness in its knowing and being state. May you sleep well in this night my friend. You have always had intellect and reason, and with that we pass on your Consciousness in its true and not lost state. I give you Love because this is what I am, and so are you. See the big picture as to what happened at the very beginning that we all got into this mess. Know what happened, and know where we belong, and from there drop your intellect to merely be what you are, which is a child of the Infinite. And if I have helped you, I ask that you help me, and all those in the illusion, where we may be one step closer to being permanent fixtures of Joy, where we leave this place as we don’t belong here. And if you don’t want to help that is also okay. As the saying goes – God helps those who help themselves. Have gotten this far without helping myself, so for fucks sakes, may I have the strength to push through. The wheels are coming off, which is not good. 10/1/24
  25. I fail to believe that such orchestrated terror and tyranny cannot be overseen by one who is grand master of the Game. Helped these people and their animals earlier on without getting paid for it, and when they left decided to check on myself. If I can help them, then surely I can help myself. Went into my space and heard a voice: “Shame, poor old Steven – nowhere to go and has nothing.” When I heard that voice I knew it was the boss, because nobody knows me that well, where you go to sleep exhausted and wake up to the situation that made you exhausted, which is Life, where you drift in this place where you don’t belong, and you know you have no place to call home where you can lick your wound and recover to meet another day. It’s an awful situation, and if you ask why nobody came to help Steven, it was because we were all in the same situation – I was just aware of our plight, while others candy-flossed it over with the pleasures of Life. Those pleasures should be there, albeit not at the expense of others, but what we lacked was a foundation of Harmony and sight of Home to where we can return anytime we wish. When I heard that voice, I felt the impact of what the illusion done to me, where on an energy level my left hand and forearm were absent, thus I could grab onto nothing and call it my own, where you drift in this place where you don’t belong. So what I done was expand my Consciousness at the heart field to fill my entire form, and this healed my deformity at my left upper limb. What was that voice who spoke to me, that one who sees I am suffering and revels in that? Who is this monster who relishes in the heartache and shame of others? Who debased themselves so badly, that was once a child of God, now shames themselves to the Infinite and what they should be? Who is this one who has no friends, this one who stands within itself and is joyous and proud of what it is? Normally I see or feel the unseen, but in this case my smell sense is what comes to the fore in understanding this entity, where my nose comes alive to understand this entity in the illusion. I do not call it a leader, because it is not my leader. Nor is it my master. It is a tyrant – an overseer of sorrow. How it knows all is through its smell, where in smelling the frequency it knows the frequency, and to take it one step further, when it inhales you, you became its slave, where now you are within its system. Everything in the illusion has passed through this entities nasal passageway, where everything belongs to it – even you with your Consciousness in its heart energy field, and that I find remarkable. Go back to the beginning. From where did this entity arise? I feel someone hanged up by their arms, and in this position they begin to sway with their lower limbs, and then with their arms. This swaying breaks off the structure from where they were hanged, where now this entity is free from the restricted position it was in. But the damage was done – the lower legs were broken off, as was there damage to the upper limbs. But the biggest damage was to the heart field, where this area folded in on itself and disappeared into a black hole. From the heart field I feel an energy there that arose from the place where the heart field fell into, where from somewhere below this entity this flow of energy moves through its pelvis into the space where the heart field was. What forms in this space is a rigid, silent Life-form that takes over the broken structure of this entity. Within its heart field is no empathy. What is there arose from what was broken, so what gives it pleasure is to see all that is broken. What was that what hanged by the arms? On the left side of my abdomen it feels like a ball rolling out of there, and then a ball rolls into the abdomen, where this ball grows and takes over the one it rolled into. This ball I feel is like a black hole, where what it enters it absorbs and takes over. What is this black ball? To answer that question, I feel this flow of energy spinning around my brain, as if to highlight and target the brain. This flow of energy then enters the brain and takes it over. My guess is that this flow of energy is intellect, where everything has to be pulled apart to understand. That what hanged there was one who was destroyed by the illusion – one that had to understand what happened and what is going on. It went into the task with reason, and what this reason is, is pull everything apart so that you may understand how everything fits together. When you lay everything on the floor to see the big picture, what do you see? – You see heartache; you see everything that is broken, so what you do is build up with what you have, and what you have – this one that was broken, that built with reason – is an entity that fits into the illusion, where now it is one with the illusion, because from the broken state of the illusion it built itself with reason, where everything makes sense. The message of this entity is simple: Break, so that you may fit into a broken state that is the illusion. Now you are normal; now you are one with the System. You are not Evil, nor are you Goodness – you are merely broken, so that you may fit into your Home that is a broken state. This is master, one who born itself from its and the broken state of the illusion. When it smells, it takes in what was unbroken to break it so that all may fit into this broken place. I spoke earlier about the curiosity of the Dragon and Serpent spirits as to what else is there in the illusionary Garden, which created a stutter in us – a stop-go effect, and what this stop-go effect done was break the natural flow of Consciousness and all that entered the illusion. This stop-go is the origin of the broken state within the illusion, where it became the building blocks of this entity who came to rule over a broken place. What is the difference between this entity and all in the illusion? The answer is that it knows itself, as well as the illusion, and because of that it rightfully deserves the title of God of the Illusion, where you and I will fool ourselves, it doesn’t. It sees that is real within the illusion, and makes the best of that so that it may function and find its place in this place where we came to play but should have never stayed. And it is not for me or you to judge, because you don’t understand what this entity went through during the course of its suffering to break it. All I can do, which I will do now, is take away the stop-go frequency – the stutter of curiosity that broke the natural flow of Consciousness. I do not do this for glory or fame – I do it for myself and all my brothers and sisters within the illusion, and for this God I do it so that it may find real peace, where all of us may find real peace, rather than acceptance to exist in a broken place. This is done now, where the frequency state of curiosity is removed from Consciousness and all within the seen and unseen of the illusion. So be it. I am so sorry for what this illusion done to so many.
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