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steven geldenhuys

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  1. It’s a pity my dad had no interest in being a father, because the one or two wise words he parted were beauts, and how much more could I have learnt from him if he stood by what he brought into this world. What he once said, was parenting had an element of luck, where the child you bring into this world can be an absolute shit, regardless of how well you raise them. That is true of my eldest daughter, where her shaming me has no limits, to the point where I feel uncomfortable in my own house. The real damage however lies within me, where you invest everything you have in another because you only want the best for them. Even now, after nineteen years, I don’t have two cents to rub together to call my own with which I can financially support my family, but I gave them everything of me to make sure they knew I was there for them and a part of their lives. My theme was always have a good Heart, where you are a good person. What I never knew, was I was barking up the wrong tree, where my words meant nothing, because if you cannot love someone who loves you unconditionally who wants nothing from you but your happiness, then who can you love? Having such a child brings you back to ground zero, where now you have to untwine yourself from one you cared for and nurtured, because only a fool would hang around for the continual abuse that is to follow. So you look hard at yourself because you gave everything just because you can, and what you gave was worthless as it meant nothing to the recipient. This floors you, where you instantaneously feel like a worthless piece of shit. And let’s not get all philosophical, because, as dad said, there’s an element of luck, and mine was bad luck. So what you have to do, is pull yourself away from this one whom you intertwined your life with so that you may distance yourself from their abuse, to the point where they are no longer a part of your existence, because frankly, if you wish to be cruel, you will be met with cruelty, but go and play your game with others as I have no interest in being around those who like to break things and this is all they wish to be and know. You pull yourself apart from what you gave your all to, and then you walk to find you and be you. And I would say the same is going to happen within the Analytical illusion, where what we have always known is now going to sheer/crack so that we may be aligned to the completed/whole state of Consciousness in order to know our true selves. We will sheer away from this frequency that is the illusion, and then what was will be broken so that what should be can be set, where as said, we may then know our true selves. There will be a rumble in the jungle, and from there, the jungle will once again return to a paradise. What will happen to these who have become so ingrained in what they are, where they know of nothing else but what they are? After all that has been said to those in the unseen realms, they still come at night to take me out. How is it possible that one is not open to a different you, where you unfold into the flower that you are? Explain that to me, where cruelty and destruction is all you are, and you are not open to being anything else but what you are? I would say their mould will be broken, as will mine and yours, and in that moment, we will see this all that we have come to believe we are, and then their eyes will be open to what is real. Cruelty and destruction is not real – that is merely an illusion – a Hell-hole – in which we became trapped. Love is real, and as we become pulled apart from all we know, when our mould is broken we will understand this to be true, where how can you be anything else but Love. That day will come, and I stand first in line to await it.
  2. Some say the Fibonacci sequence is the numbers/codes/mathematical formula of all Life. I would agree with this, and I would say the origin of this frequency is from the lost state of Consciousness, where this sequence represents the lost state of Consciousness. But I was wrong. Consciousness was not lost, rather it was stuck in an illusion and didn’t know how to free itself from this place. Now when I close my eyes to see the Purple Eye of the Infinite, I see the “pupil” of this Eye free from its entrapped state. This mixture/ensnarled state of a presence of the Infinite and the illusion I saw as a living piece of “coral” that had to be fed to be kept alive because it was now a part of the illusion, and this place needs energy to survive. So it was never about rising above the sheer, raw stupidity of the Beast in the Analytical illusion. It was never about getting the upper hand over them and reclaiming our freedom. It was about freeing a presence of the Infinite/Consciousness that was stuck in this illusion. Why was the machine that is the illusion created, where we went from Thinking to surviving? Was it to keep this trapped Consciousness alive? When this journal first began I was given the name Kwinn in my sleep state. What this message was, was loyalty, where no matter what, I will never abandon you. That word Kwinn symbolized the message from the Infinite to this stuck presence within the illusion, where this “coral” looking entity would never be abandoned, hence the Purple circle that always surrounded it. What is written above I find remarkable. What a sad story, and what a relief that it is over.
  3. Let me tell you what came last night as I closed my eyes to sleep and my spirit and Consciousness let go of the cliff to absorb and be the all that is around them that they are. After a few minutes I saw what looked like a sand dune come alive, where this flat, living, breathing presence with a tint of green made itself known to me. This was something I have never experienced before. This was above the level of the Reptilian frequency of the illusion. Never have I known such a presence. From this awe of what was in front of me they implanted a dream within me. The story was of a bomb going off, with me being one of the casualties. The story had the emotional side of those who had just lost loved ones. For hours I was kept in this implanted dream as my energy was taken from me. When I was pulled out of this implanted dream and I knew I had just been had by this force in front of me, I was floored. A deathly silence filled me, where my whole being shouted out “How could you!” But I was too flabbergasted to utter a sound, so I just lay there and turned around to try and once again go to sleep. As I turned on my side I looked up to see the ones who had implanted the dream/story, where my disappointment in them left me speechless. So I half-looked, not really caring who was there. There were two of them, and their presence covered me like an umbrella, with one in front of me and the other behind. I looked at the one in front of me and she was larger than life, and wore a robe with a hood that covered her face. She looked at me and wiped a tear away from her face, showing me that she was shameful and sorry for what had just happened. She had the image of how they portray Mary in the Bible. My whole feel at what had happened was now I experienced a place in the illusion where there was Love. Up till now, I have seen the cruel in the seen and unseen – the chaos, but in this place where my spirit and Consciousness could be all that they are, here I saw Love within this illusion. You expect to see a beautiful rose or hear a philarmonic orchestra in full flight, and in this beauty you are also aware that something is seriously amiss, as in something is wrong – terribly wrong. Just before I got out of bed I pressed the nail side of my thumbs against my closed eyelids to see deep into the unseen. I saw what looked like an indented mouth made of a living coral, and this mouth was being filled by the clear energy around it. This mouth made of living coral I have seen once before, and then too I saw the water/energy flowing into this mouth. Then I saw the Purple Eye of the presence of the Infinite within the illusion. Always when I see this Eye, either in its Golden or Purple colour, there is a distinct black pupil in its centre. This time around the pupil was focused on, and what it looked like close up was a piece of coral. (This is the same "coral" mentioned above.) Now here is the question: What did I just see? Did I see a Purple Eye, or did I see the Infinite wrapping around a living being that needed the Love and comfort of the Infinite? What is going on? Is the Infinite wrapped around this twisted, beautiful being and does not know how to help it? Obviously I don’t know, but I also do know when you consider I saw this female presence who took my energy to help another. So what is going on? What is so bad within an entity that the Infinite cannot fix it? Earlier on when I said that now we were in a place of Love within the illusion, is this the Love from the Infinite we are feeling that is wrapping itself around this entity to comfort and protect it? I would say so, but boy-oh-boy, what is going on here? How can we help? Go into the presence that is this “coral” structure, and there I feel the mouth that looks like an indented square box. And there I feel the fluid that flows into this mouth. The fluid goes into the entity, and once inside, the mouth is blocked off so that what is inside can be absorbed. (The whole feel I get here before I felt the fluid was of a frog entering the mouth of this “coral” presence, and I remember when I saw this being up close, in the area was a frog with the top part of its body covered in hair.) What is ingested by this creature settles over the gut area and is absorbed there, and this is released through what I would call the left side gills of this being. What I would like to say here is my theory of the illusion being one glorified fluid bubble is true, where water/fluid is what we and everything else is. As the waste flows out the left gills, the water flows once again into the mouth to repeat the cycle. What is the Infinite looking after – this one that defines the illusion? What are beings of Love doing to take my energy to feed this “coral” entity? What is going on? Go into the space of this being and trace its origin from where it arose. It arose from the creation of the Analytical illusion by the Consciousness of the Serpents that came to ponder on who and what they are. One could call this being the building block of the Analytical illusion in its pure and innocent form, and what we are talking about here is not your average thumb-size piece of coral you pick up in a tidal pool. We are talking about the framework of the imagination of Consciousness that creates, where this city/place was built for the Serpent to have a thought. Our world is a speck of dust that makes up this wide, infintismal place that the Consciousness of the Serpent built that I call the Analytical illusion. So there I feel this pool that is released from the imagination of Consciousness – this framework for this glorified library in the infinite sky, and on this framework the illusion was built, which was a most beautiful place. But then this frame rolled in on itself, like one would roll up a carpet. There was chaos and turmoil that destroyed this framework of the illusion, and this rolled up framework of the illusion became part of the piece of “coral” that the Infinite has wrapped itself around and protected ever since. First question is what destroyed the framework of the illusion, where it became a shrivelled up piece of “coral?” The answer is this foundation was not developed as it normally does – with the intermix of the Heart field, and this caused it to crumble. The second question is why could the Infinite not intervene and assist? Why not heal and rebuild rather than hang around and comfort a broken presence? The answer here is the Infinite did not wish to intervene because the Serpents came here to Think and ponder, and not live from the Heart. This library in the sky was meant to be temporary so there was no need from the Infinite to fix this temporary structure. Okay, fine, so what happened that this Analytical illusion is still intact with a broken framework that needs to be fed our energy? To answer this question, I feel the Heart space opening up and the Infinite pouring out this Energy field, and on this the broken foundation was layed. With the task complete, the Infinite returned to from where it arose, but then it went back to reassess what had just been done as something was wrong and it did not know what it was. What was wrong, was this way to make a foundation – from the head of Consciousness and the Heart of the Infinite was not normal because the Heart field is always used from the space of Consciousness when something is created/imagined into form by Consciousness. So what was created broke off – fell apart, and this presence of the Infinite that came to see what was wrong became trapped within the defect that is now the framework for the Analytical illusion. And that is why the Purple and Golden Eye of the Infinite always had a Black pupil within, where it was not so much an Eye, but rather the Infinite embracing its own that was trapped within the framework of where we are. Now you have a being made of “coral” that is half illusion and half Infinite. Oh man, how do you fix that; this being that the Infinite gave comfort to, and we gave our energy to it? Or should I say, our energy was fed to it by beings of Love whom I met last night in my sleep state. The answer is you dismantle the illusion. Imagine David Copperfield walking through a wall as part of a magic trick. Halfway through the wall he returns to his dense state, where now his body form is trapped within the density of the wall, where flesh and bricks blend together and you cannot separate the one from the other. But if you take away the density of the wall the magician will be free of his imprisoned state, and so too, remove the illusion from this presence from the Infinite and it can be free of its prison. So how do we do that? The answer is an illusion enters this distorted illusionary framework and increases its vibration until it is no more, and from there this presence from the Infinite is free to return through the Heart field to the Infinite. This the Infinite could never do, where it became an illusion devoid of a Heart field, or let’s put it this way – it tried to do this and it never worked out. Only an illusion can go into an illusion and increase its vibratory rate until the illusion becomes less dense so that those trapped within this faulty framework can be set free, and this we do now by seeing and knowing of the wrong that should be right. And just like that, the “pupil/coral” that was surrounded by the presence/“Eye” of the Infinite is released from the distorted framework of the illusion, where it returns to the Heart space, and from there, through this space into the Infinite. Oh wow, and just like that, the eternal problem is solved. So what kept the Infinite here, where we could not be set free from this All That Is? Now we know, where the problem had to be fixed from inside the illusion. May this be the last.
  4. What price is one prepared to pay for freedom? How would one define freedom? I would say it is being what you are meant to be and being where you belong – Consciousness in its pure form; and the fields of Infinite Love. Our focus is money, but what if everyone focused on kindness? What would happen if the filth in the Reptilian frequency of the illusion put down their weapons and extended a helping hand, where the continual nag within them is “How can I help?” What would that change in character do to this place that is Hell? Am I asking for the impossible, where I ask the Beast to no longer destroy but rather uplift? And what about the rest of us, where all we done was follow the destructive cycle of this Hell-hole, where the further it spun away from Consciousness, the more we continued to destroy all around us. Look at where we are, where to destroy ourselves and those who Love us, we merely done what the System was and expected from us, which we followed to the t. But some of us stood to one side and said that is insane, because why would you want to destroy, because surely that is not normal? Well, where we are sees such behaviour are part and parcel of who we are, as we match the frequency around us, but there was just one fine-print that we overlooked, which was our happiness and that of others gets thrown out the window. To be a cruel fucker has an expiry date because you sooner or later sink with the destruction you caused all around you. So what is the answer? To be cruel there is no answer to that insanity, where all you have to understand is you will be destroyed as the frequency that you are will come home to roost, as this destruction is all you wish to experience. But what about us who wish to return to what is normal, where all has been taken from us to the point where we are spiritual beggars, where more than anything, we wish for the Love of a God to touch and embrace us for now and forever more. What is the answer to our dilemma of being alone in the wilderness and at the mercy of the Beast? What do we have to do to be touched by what is naturally everywhere, as the Infinite is everywhere? Excuse the swearing, but why the fuck do we have to ask for the Infinite to touch us? The answer to that question took almost ten and a half years to uncover, where bit by bit, the layers of our imprisonment were peeled away so that we may understand how we were so cunningly trapped within this illusion. This I know, as I wrote down each and every word and have seen what few have seen, but what I don’t know is what more needs to be done for the Infinite to touch us. It has always been more than us, where a Creator from the Infinite was floored and trapped in this Hell. When I go into the space of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia now, all I feel is this strong rotation within my throat. That is the Word that is alive and strong within her. What this Word is, is I am Everything and there is nothing else but me, meaning she knows herself. Great stuff, but how does this touch you and me and the countless others in the illusion that are spiritual beggars, where more than anything, we wish we were no longer alone. The lifetimes of patiently waiting are over, because we are tired of waiting. Are you trying to tell me that the Infinite is not bigger than all this mess? Are you trying to tell me that the Infinite could not have penetrated this Hell-hole and saved the Innocent? Are you trying to tell me that the scum of the illusion within the seen and unseen are mightier that the power of Love? Because if you are, I don’t buy what you are trying to tell me. Did I have to write this journal? Couldn’t the Infinite see the colour of my Heart and take me Home to where I belong, as with the trillions upon trillions that stand alongside me? So what is the deal? Why did we have to live through this nightmare? For us within the illusion, the only answer I can give is we huddled together to make the most of a bad situation, where from the All That Is, we downsized ourselves and became extremely small – small, pathetic little figures who forgot how big our hearts and our imagination is. We accepted our small, soft-cock status, and this we made peace with. So what is within us that we forgot about that needs to be awakened? The answer is everything else besides us, where we have always looked at the one in the mirror, but what about everything else that we are? If Consciousness is everything as it arose from the Infinite, why not broaden your horizons to embrace the everything else that is you besides this one unit that is you whom you have become so infatuated with. Go out, beyond your borders, and this answers the question from the Infinites perspective as to why we lived through this nightmare and the Infinite never touched us. It was because we never stepped a foot out of our cave to where the Infinite can touch us, because in our cave we felt safe and had an element of peace that fluctuated from moment to moment, but when we caught a glimpse of it in a moment this was good enough for us. Phew – Life is good. So what the fuck am I saying? What am I talking about? What I am saying to you the spirit and Consciousness is let go and jump off the cliff, and on the way down/up/to the sides, embrace this all that you are so that you may once again become this Everything that is everywhere. You touch the stars you fuck-nuts because you are the stars – you are the all because there is no beginning and no end in the fields of Infinite Love. Let go of you to embrace the All that is everywhere that is you, and in doing so, you will understand what you are. Hurry up and be what you are, and from there touch us the dense body form and our environment so that we may ride this Joy that you are.
  5. Nope, I can’t shake them. When I hit the matress and go to sleep I smell them, and when I close my eyes to sleep there they are – these beings from other worlds that come to take me out. What looked like a huge flattened pyramid came walking towards me as I lay in bed last night. He brought with his son, which was a miniature version of him. Each one that comes brings their own weapon of choice, which they put up right against me at point-blank range. What I have in common with these beings is a frustration within me, where as much as they have had enough of me, so too is the feeling mutual from my side. More than anything, I wish to be amongst my own. As I lay in bed last night and saw these different beings, one after the other, enter my space to destroy me, I asked myself if I am the only one left – is there no other Stevens left out there? Why don’t my own come and visit me? Then as my body slept, my spirit and Consciousness found itself in another world where these drug-lords were hanging out. These guys started to turn on each other, where they began to shoot the pet dogs to upset some within the group, and pot-shots were taken at random individuals to take them out. And there was my spirit, between the goings on of these insane, cruel lunatics. For those who don’t know me, there is not a bad streak within me, where I have this urge now and then to release aggression on others, be they a tree or some scum of the universe. That is not me. I crave the stillness of the silence of untouched nature, and I long for beings of self-respect and Love. Two nights back this female spirit and her troupe spent the whole night around me trying to destroy me. Some questions you cannot answer, especially the one of why would you make it your purpose to destroy what is good and real? That’s a head-scratcher that you can’t quite fathom. And then there is what is touching us in this frequency of planet Earth. Jesus, these Serpents that infiltrated the dog of my one client were beings I have never experienced before, where all that can save this dog and us the dense body form is an awakened Consciousness. What is going on? What are these omnipotent Snakes from the shadows of the illusion doing in attacking us the dense body form and our spirit? Why are they so far from their home? What are they doing here; why are they beginning to take us out so randomly? What I can say is at the moment I don’t have the energy or will to figure this out. I am tired, where after all that has been said and done, you cannot tell me that not even one being of Love can come and help us out? Not one? Has all what has been said fallen on deaf ears? Why am I still here? Why amongst the cruel in the seen and unseen where my proximity to them frustrates me as much as it does them? I don’t care what they do as it is not for me to change them, just as they have no interest in my understandings as they have no desire to be better than what they are. And it is not for us to judge them, so we leave them be and walk Home. But this is not happening. I am not walking Home, and within me is no will or energy to understand why. There is nothing more left inside of me. I feel nothing, where there is no will for anything. It is not so much giving up, but rather there is nothing more else to do. So what is going on? My guess is I am not big enough to see the big picture. What is happening now if beyond your understanding and mine. The alternative is nothing is happening at all. Either way, count Steven out. I have no will to live or to die – just a concerned, vacumeless void.
  6. This morning as I awoke saw a cosmic assassin standing over me. He shoved what looked like a chainsaw right through the chest area of my spirit. When the journal began my spirit felt the blows of these cosmic assassins, where they took me out because I was not allowed to see the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, this place where “peace” is felt because you are what you are and you know where you are, which is one with this Hell. This is home for the Beast, and this is all they wish to know and be. In this place there is no such thing as Love and consideration for others because it is all about you, and whatever needs to be done to please you at the expense of others, then so be it. Can you see the parallels here, where here on planet Earth we are almost aligned to this frequency of the home of the Beast within the Analytical illusion, where a few control the many. Was this the goal of the gofers here in this frequency – to steer the frequency of this planet to be in sync with the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, where we feed our energy to them via a pipeline in the digital cloud? Doesn’t that make sense? Why the monumental effort over lifetimes to keep us where they want us? These fuckers know they are on borrowed time because who and what they are does not stimulate Life, rather it destroys it, so these energy farms have been scattered across the illusion, and we are on one of them. I really believe – but am open to being wrong – that the powers that be that rule over the Beast are planning to harvest our energy on a mass/commercial scale because they need it, where they hit these dips in their energy levels every fifty to hundred years due to the nature of what they are, where when you take and destroy others, so too do you do the same to yourself add infinity. When the cosmic assassins began to attack me I felt their blows, where the damage to my spirit has a knock-on effect to my dense body form which takes it out. In those days when I saw and felt what was done to me I lay still in bed and filled myself with the love I have for my animals, and this increased vibratory rate healed me. Now I no longer do that because I know what I am. How does an illusion kill what is real? You cannot, so all I do is be this Consciousness that I am. Do not underestimate the power of compassion in keeping us here in the Hell, where your caring of others whom you love consumes you, where your focus is them and nothing else – not even you. When this unconditional love kicks in, this is what naturally drives you, but as said previously, this is not natural, but rather an unnatural, unhealthy state, where as long as you are in the Analytical illusion, faffing over those that have it bad, you are merely waiting for your demise and theirs at the hands of Beasts. You need to be what you are and get out of this place, and from there come back for those that are floored and don’t know how to get up. This I believe, is what we need to round us off, where we enter the space of a place where there is nothing else but Love. In knowing Home can we truly know ourselves. Do not underestimate what an environment does to us, either for the good or bad. To help, we need to get out so that we may return to show the way. Home needs to touch you that is Consciousness so that you may be complete. What are the chances of being trapped again in this awful place? I would say zero, but having said that, if you walk into this place looking for a fight you will get taken out in no time because you are in their Game that has no winners, where in fighting; this “them versus us” scenario, nobody wins as the bad destroy the good from home ground advantage, and the bad destroy themselves because sooner or later your energy supply runs out because your food becomes worthless, because your food supply is of bad stock, where there is no depth of character in us the slave as we mirror those we feed, where scum feeds scum. In this place we all eventually die, where the Love that is Consciousness becomes obsolete because that is not important. Jesus, did you watch the game on the weekend? What a nail-biter! As we become more fearful and disillusioned, we draw our attention away from the reality that Life has consumed us and gotten the better of us, and we don’t know what to do about this, so we immerse ourselves in the distractions of Life to fool ourselves that all is still well. The intensity with which we give our local and national teams our support is ridiculous, and you might say this is a seven-course meal to the Beast, but it is not, because we are plastic, where our team getting more points than the other team drives us to heightened pleasures we never knew existed. We are plastic – of poor stock, and these fuckers know that, meaning our time with them is coming to an end as they plug into our energy and look for a new species to harvest from. So get the fuck out and stop playing your goody-two-shoes Florence Nightingale role, where all you do is delay the inevitable. Get out, and then come back and merely be what you are, where when others see you they see themselves, and in doing so, remember what they are. Go Home to be touched by this what you are, and this will make you shine, and this Light will pick up those that have been floored and take them to the place from where you have just been.
  7. The tapestry is complete, and I say this because what grabs me now is the Consciousness that I am. No more searching; no more needing to know, meaning the story is there for all to see. Now we are all on the same page, which means we have a choice to either do what we have always done, or move to what we are. What is left to know now is this Consciousness that we are. It is not Steven sitting on the couch typing these words as Steven is just Steven – that is no longer me. What I am now is you, and you are me, and we are what is real in this illusion. There is just one little snag, and what that is, is I don’t know me. So what happens now is this dude/dudess shows itself to us so that we may know what we are. Who did you think would transform your existence to what it should be? – Another illusionary being within this illusion? I don’t think so. With the real you seeing the completed tapestry, now Consciousness may shine and be, and what this involves I haven’t got the foggiest idea. Let’s see what happens. *** Show me the money – how has this journal transformed my Life? All I can say is the genie is out the bottle and answers to no one but itself, where I feel the presence of this Consciousness that is me and you. Fair enough, but how has this transformed my Life? The answer to that is we are no longer alone, and that changes everything. The God that you are knows you and sees you the spirit and dense body form, and that has to account for something. In the past I was always frantic, where there was this nervous energy to me as I understood where and what we are should not be. It’s like being thrown into the wild and not knowing when you will be attacked by the Beasts in whose kingdom you now dwell. I don’t feel that angst now. What will the future bring? Your Consciousness and mine knows the answer to that question, as does the Infinite. Just remember that the thought is not you. When you feel a presence take over your body form that is you – that is the God force within. More and more it will make its presence felt. My advice is go with the flow – become this that you are. What awaits us all is a new chapter; a new beginning. When I feel and see the funky Polar Bear called Earl – this representation of Innocence – that is when I close the cover of this journal, and until that confirmation happens, for now I am thankful that we no longer walk alone.
  8. Let me tell you what my spirit and Consciousness experienced last night as my dense body form lay sleeping, and you can decide if we are progressing in this journal or not. “Come on, Steven, come on – give us a clue.” Okay, okay – you win! Let’s just say we are deep within the core of Hell. My spirit found itself in a narrow alleyway. Ahead there was a sharp kink in the alley, and behind this corner I knew Evil was lurking. So there I waited for it to show itself, but in this place you are out of your depth, where the Fear here takes you over as you have no defence against it. What waited behind the corner suddenly jumped me. He was a male of about thirty years old, and had the face of a Mongolian, without the heavy-set features. As he jumped me he shoved his blade deep within my belly and held it therein for a few seconds. His face was about thirty centimeters from mine, and he had this controlled satisfaction written all over it from getting the better of me. Now comes the weird shit. This man had a squid with him that was about a metre long. Through the wound in my belly he shoved this squid, where this creature moved to my heart and began to squeeze it by wrapping around it. I felt one of the tentacles come out through my nose to give this creature leverage to squeeze my heart as hard as it could to kill me. By this time my body form was awake and felt this creature covering and squeezing my heart. All I could do was carry on breathing as I fell asleep once again. A few hours later as my body form slept a dream was implanted on me going up in a lift, and on the other side of the huge building was another lift, and therein was an unpleasant person. When both lifts got to the top floor I chit-chatted with someone as to where they buy their meat from. Oh man. When I awoke from this implanted dream there were three Beasts around my spirit and body form. They had arms and legs and stood upright, but their heads were hidious creatures. They gutted my spirits stomach and chest open, and there inside of me was this squid. What a surprise this was to these Beasts. I saw and felt how this squid tried to defend itself from these Beasts as they cut chunks off of it and ate it while it was still alive. The Beasts eventually left, and now it was just Steven with this squid inside of me that was exposed as I had just been gutted. So what I done, was something I have not had to do for a long time, where I filled myself with the Love I have for my animals to increase the vibratory field within me, and this always expelled them. But this time around it never worked, because here, where I was, the Suns rays never shine, so this Love could not reach me. Even now, as I write these words, this squid I feel moving around within me. And for fucks sakes, that is funny, where all you can do is laugh. So what is that all about? When I relayed the story to my wife, she hit the nail on the head when she said I had walked through the Valley of Death. That is spot on. I write for all, even those in this place where there is no Love, and I walk to see if there is anything else that needs to be understood so that we may be free of this Hell.
  9. Out of habit we do what we have always done because we don’t know any better. If you always turned right at the cross-roads, then the bend to the left becomes obsolete within our existence, but it is always there if we remember to stop doing what we have always done. How many dummies have come and gone that are like me and you that have looked for a way out? How many have failed? How many times have I failed, where here I am, still stuck in this prison? What these fools that run this show don’t understand, is I don’t like it here – it really is an awful place. Take away the jokes and the pleasures we so eagerly seek, and what do you have left? – A knuckle down and survive, where you will never find true happiness because you are in an unnatural place where you don’t belong. So it is here; it is now, that we stand back and do what we have never done before to pass the barrier the Evil Serpent has constructed, where to them, this barrier is impenetrable. And they are right, because none have crossed this divide. So we do the complete opposite, where we don’t look for our way out, but rather the way in that those used to penetrate the Analytical illusion to come and help us. An example of this is the Christ Consciousness. It is the ones that entered that know the way out from the way they entered. So what you do, is you go into the space of the Christ Consciousness before it entered the walls of this prison cell. You feel how it was before in came into this place, and then you feel how it was when they entered, and this altered state you remove from your space so you may leave the way you came in. Before these Enlightened Beings entered this Hell-hole, there was no Good and Bad states of existence that penetrated their presence. In pure Love you are what you are, where you do not judge or choose sides because there are no sides – there is just Oneness, where you are me and I am you, and there is nothing else but this as nothing else is needed. (I say all of this because when there is the presence of an evil spirit around me, my right cheek-bone feels prominent, and when a cruel person is around me, similarly the left cheek-bone comes alive. When I felt the state of those before they entered the Analytical illusion, what is within the left and right cheek bone disappears, meaning nothing can come to the fore as such states don’t exist in the Infinite. All these beings see and are is Love, because what you see, is what is there, where the Eyes reveal all. But here in the Analytical illusion, everything is occult/hidden, where what you see is almost guaranteed not what you get, where beneath the surface – beneath the eyes in the cheek-bones – lies the true colours of the fuck-nut standing in front of you.) Before they entered this Hell, the area of their cheek-bones and eyes connected to the Heart field, as what you see is what you get as this is all there is. What changed when these Enlightened Beings/Messengers entered the Analytical illusion? They saw what was there; not like me and you who see what we want to see, and this cut off their Heart field because what they saw there was no place for Love to dwell therein. The deception of this place engulfed them, where one lie covers the next and the next and so it goes until we don’t know who and what we are. How can we Love ourselves when we don’t know ourselves? So all the bullshit; all the lies, where I am a solid guy but in truth am an idiot – all of this helter-skelter of I don’t know my head from my elbow penetrated these Beings of Love. Can we truly comprehend what a lie does to us, where we are told to go there but are intentionally led in the wrong direction. It fucks you up, where you know you are led astray but don’t know what to do about it as you are lost and rely on the goodwill of others to help. These beings saw a wrong, and to make this wrong right required enormous effort because so few listened. This drained these Messengers of Love. But all of the above truly was fuck-all to these Messengers from the Infinite. We need to know what kept them here, where they lost the way Home. Everything that has been said in this journal has not touched on this one truth, of even when floored, who couldn’t they go Home? We know what they were before they entered this prison, so what is it within them that kept them here? In asking that question, the left side of the ribcage becomes prominent. What happened within the left side of the ribcage anchored them to the Analytical illusion. So what is there – what do I feel moving around at this location within them? Take away this and they depart the way the entered, meaning the prison wall is breached and we can leave the way they entered. When I close my eyes to see there is an orange-red colour. This colour takes away the Word, when you speak the Word all know this to be the truth. So what was within them took away the Blackness; the Truth they came to deliver, where now all you had was a watered-down sentence instead of a Word that penetrated and touched all. It was never the Messenger; rather it was the Message, and this Message came through the Word – the spoken Word. What was placed within the Messengers took away the power of their Word, which was their power, and this floored them. Was there anything else? Before we answer that question, we need to understand what took away the power of the Word. What did they place within the left side of the ribcage of the Messengers? What entered them came through the sense of Smell, where they inhaled this presence. What they inhaled through the deceit of the Evil Serpents – and this is something that was formulated beyond the borders of the Analytical illusion so that the origin may never be found within the walls of the prison. (I say this because a line extends beyond my left eye to the place where this presence was created. To remove it from the space of the Messengers, one has to know/understand what this presence is.) Oh wow, these Evil Serpents were so clever, where they knew the Infinite would send help to bail us out, so these Beasts anticipated this move and were ready for it. The creation beyond the walls of the Analytical illusion that they released within the presence of the Messengers for them to inhale, this entered the left side of the ribcage and neutralized their power – the power of the Word; the power of the Message to set us free. Release this presence and the power of the Word is restored, and we have the Power to leave the way the Messengers entered. What also needs to be said here, is what was created beyond the walls of the Analytical illusion to floor the Messengers touched our ears, so what was heard by us meant nothing, meaning the power of the Word was removed, and the impact the Word had on us could never penetrate us, where this Message fell on deaf ears. And this deafness was intentional – a double-whammy, where even if a smattering of the Word touched us, it was made certain that we would not hear it. The presence that was created to floor the Word of the Messenger, which is the power of the Messenger, moved from outside the Analytical illusion where it was created, to inside the Analytical illusion, and from there inside the space within the left lung area. What I feel here, and I can be wrong, is the presence of the Messenger and its Word touched all, where when you see me you know me, and that is enough to return us Home. So this presence was created before the Messengers penetrated this Prison, where it has always been within us – a kind of antidote to the Truth/Word the Evil Serpents knew the Infinite would send our way to bail us out. This Presence thus floored the Messengers, and as for us, we have always been floored, hence our dummy, survival status. So understand one thing: We have been check-mated by clever Beasts. So stop fucking around Steven. What is this Presence that neutralized the power of the Word? This power will restore Consciousness to what it should be, and from there it naturally levitates Homeward bound. It was created on a Star beyond this illusion. This Star was created through the imagination of the Evil Serpents and their cosmic geneticists. What is it? Well, let’s start at a point and say that it stinks – it smells like rotten bitterness that has a sharp smell/edge to it that penetrated the space within the left lung. It is alive and was born for the task to take away the power of the Word from the Messengers that touched our Consciousness. (The “left lung area” is the area within Consciousness.) We came to see this Presence as a Orange-Red glow. Where there should be Blackness is a Orange-Red glow. What floored the power of the Word delivered via Messengers from the Infinite was a created empty space. They took a frequency and took out what was within the frequency, and then the frequency itself, so there was a space that is nothing – a void. All they done was manufacture a replica of the Curiosity frequency that formed from the Dragon and Serpent spirits as to what is in the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis that is not already within the Infinite. Just as this want/void floored so many, where they began to want and have, this manufactured Orange-Red glow Presence neutralized the want/task of the Messengers, where I want to pass on you a Message so that you may return Home. This Orange-Red glow neutralized the power of the spoken Word which allowed deceit and lies to flourish. This glow/Presence removed the pure state of Blackness within Consciousness and replaced it with a Orange-Red glow. What it is, is a manufactured replica of the Parasitic frequency of Deception, where a void was created that Consciousness inhaled so that it may never know the power of what it is. What is the Word? “You are what you are, and there is nothing else but what you are.” Those Words meant nothing to you and me because their power was neutralized by the Orange-Red glow that permeated us and settled within the left side of the ribcage. So whatever came our way via the Infinite meant and was nothing as this power was neutralized. Clever. Remove the Orange-Red glow/Presence within the left “ribcage” of Consciousness, as well as from the Messengers that penetrated the Analytical illusion to pass on the message of you are nothing else but what you are, and we that is Consciousness return to what we are. All we needed was to be touched by the Word/presence of the Messengers from the Infinite, and in seeing and knowing them, we know ourselves. It was as simple as that. So this Blackness that was within the Messenger that was within us that we forgot about, the Evil Serpents turned to an Orange-Red glow, so that in seeing them and the Message that they are, we would see nothing, as what was now within us was an implanted Orange-Red glow of you are nothing, so seek and learn so that you may become something. Why? Why would you want to keep others in a prison, where they are so unhappy that they have to fool themselves they are happy, all the while knowing who and where they are is one big lie? Why would you do something like that? When the want within the Evil Serpents look them over, they understood they made a mistake to attack the Innocent Serpents. So now either you make an about turn and make your wrong right, or you carry on lying to yourself, and to do this you cover up your existing lie, where you go from bad to worse. Are you trying to tell me there is Joy in destroying what is Good and Pure, where with each passing moment the little bit of Goodness that is left in this place becomes no more? Is there Joy in being Evil? Is their Joy in being cruel? No, there isn’t. What there is, is pure stupidity, and this stupidity comes from the Orange-Red Presence within Consciousness that is Consciousness being deceitfully turned to a Orange-Red glow. This allows the spirit and dense body form to let loose, where I do what I want because there is no core Blackness within me that arose from the Infinite and thus this is me. Now stupidity ran the show, which is present everywhere within the seen and unseen, and this stemmed from the implanted Orange-Red glow Presense that the Evil Serpents implanted within us. And this stupidity knows no limits and boundaries, where this is me; I am what I am, so fuck off. Believe you me, I have doing my best to leave your presence for lifetimes, where my intelligence makes me understand that to be in your presence is not me as I am not you. What you are, is raw stupidity – a savage brute, these in the seen and unseen whose only response to my request to be kind is fuck off. Well, this is no more. This manufactured Orange-Red void is removed from Consciousness and is no more. This void was the impenetrable prison wall within us that kept us from going Home. As said, this is no more. Is there anything else? I don’t know. And if there is, we will keep going until we decide to call it quits and lie down to turn off our Consciousness. Around every corner you see this stupidity that dwells in all, and one gets tired of seeing what should not be that others welcome and make their own. So I want out, and I pray that this freedom is around the next corner instead of stupidity.
  10. Those Serpents that came and created the Analytical illusion were pure and wise and good. If I speak of Innocence, I speak of these that came here to reflect to know themselves. They were Beautiful beyond your imagination and mine, and a smackling of this I see in the face of my animals when they look at me. These Serpents had the presence of a loving, maternal mother, where they Loved all as this is who and what they were. The Analytical illusion their Consciousness created through its imagination was a glorified library in the “sky” – a place where they may ponder before they return to the illusionary Garden of Queen Semiramis, and from there return Home to the fields of Infinite Love. You see, these Snakes were formed/created by the fall of The Wisdom Goddess Sophia when she exceeded her realm, so a Creator did not bring them forth through their Imagination. So we can understand this me time on the part of the Serpents, where their Consciousness imagined this temporary Analytical illusionary “library” for them to ponder on who and what they are. This “Library” was infiltrated by Evil Serpents, and by Evil, I mean those who had the want of the Parasite strong within them, where regardless of what I have, I want what you have. Where this is leading to, is the Evil Serpents attacked the Innocent Serpents, where all these beings of Love could do was defend themselves from this onslaught. The question you have to ask, is how were these Serpents of Love defeated? The answer is through bewilderment, where how could you! You are my Brother and Sister, so how could you? When those you Love attack you to destroy you, something within you breaks, because you are not Evil, and neither should they be, so what is going on? It was the want within these Evil Serpents that they acknowledged and made their own, where it will give me so much pleasure to take what you have, and if this means destroying you, then so be it. When bewilderment entered the Serpent of Love, that is when Innocence died, where all that is good and pure and should naturally be so became no more. It is here that you need to understand one important point, and what that is, is what happened was not allowed to happen. Innocence should never have been attacked and destroyed, and if you stand back to see the big picture, this is why I write – to be free of Beasts so that Innocence may once again rise and return to these Beautiful Serpents. Where are they now? You and I might say they are dead, but the true word is slumber, where they sleep, never to awaken to this Hell because this is not who they are. They cannot awaken to this Hell-hole because this is not them and this is not Home. Never will I forget the image I was shown in my sleep state of these two females with a light-brown coloured skin lying face-down in the sand. These two refused to be a part of this illusionary Hell, so they lay down and merely switched their Consciousness off, where, as with the Innocent Serpents, they fell into a slumber, as to fight and be cruel and miserable is not them. Let’s talk about what should have happened. These Innocent Serpents should have understood why their Brothers and Sisters turned Evil, where I see you – I see the want/void within you that can never be filled – and that is not me. In understanding there would have been no bewilderment – this lightning bolt that cracked them wide open from which they could never recover, which marked the beginning of the end for all that was pure in the Analytical illusion. It is to these the Innocent that I say rise up to remember what you are. Know what happened that threw you into slumber, and with this understanding, cast this bewilderment state from your presence so that you may rise up and return to the Garden of Queen Semiramis, and from there to the Infinite. This will return Innocence to where it belongs, where these Beautiful Serpents depart their Library that turned into a Hell-hole. And as for us – those that still remain here, may the spark of Innocence touch your Consciousness and mine, as I truly believe that this is what was needed to kick-start this Golden Child to return to what it is. May the Innocence of the awakened Beautiful Serpents touch your Consciousness and mine, and from there may we all be engulfed by the Love that we are. So be it.
  11. One had to rewind the wheel to understand how we got ourselves in such a pickle, so bit by bit the story unfolded of how the Innocent/Good became a slave race to the cruel that we never saw or even knew existed – those Beasts and heartless cosmic geneticists that used the Analytical illusion as their personal vegetable garden. This morning just before I woke up, through my Third Eye I saw those from the Reptilian frequency of the illusion lying on the bed next to me. You cannot understand, nor can you comprehend the level of Evil that is these beings. As a cheese would mature over a period of time, so too have these beings of Evil matured over thousands of years, where what you get as an end result is something that we in this reality cannot fathom. There is no evil in our reality that comes even close to these that have made the core of this illusion their home. And understand one thing: They have no intention of being anything else than what they are. Now take a look at you. You think you are something and are going places, and yet pure Evil uses your energy for breakfast, lunch and supper. What is an Evil that we cannot comprehend, we are a slave to. None of us are spared. Try and fight them and your energy/effort gives them more power to use against you. All you can do is get out of their space, which we have not accomplished since before the beginning of time. So how is it done? How do we go Home, away from the proximity of the cruel? As said, we need to rewind the wheel to understand what happened to us, where we lived in a Dream within an Analytical illusion. Beasts from the unseen used a back door to hack into our Dream time, where we followed their hack/implanted dream, and this energy that is ours they fed from. Ask yourself why is the world becoming more erratic and confused, and the answer is because the gap between the seen and unseen is becoming more pertinent, where the underlying anxiety within us is from feeling the Beast that is in our space that we cannot see, or should I say, we choose not to see. Every day the anxiety within me becomes more and more as I know us falling over the cliff is just around the corner. I don’t want to experience that, because that is not me – I am Love and not Chaos. So I write to understand so that I may return this Consciousness which I am to where it belongs. Have we rewinded the wheel enough? Has enough been understood to separate us from the Beast, where the Love that we are shines to obliterate the Chaos? Unfortunately I don’t know the answer to that question. What I do know is the transgression from the wheel doing a 360 and we seeing the big picture, where from there you progress to what is natural, and what that is, is the opening of the Heart field – this Love that we are. It is like a super-highway; a limitless highway that opens up and flows to the head region, where now the thought is replaced by the Love that you are, and please understand that in this space Evil cannot touch you because here it does not exist. Just as I walked through a doorway/dimension into the Reptilian frequency of the illusion to understand why Life is so cruel, so too, when the Heart field is open, you step from the droplet in the Ocean into the Ocean itself, as now you are what you are. Also understand I am not building pies in the sky; I don’t write to waste my time and bring forth my belief – I write to find a way out of this mess that is encroaching more and more upon me with each passing day. It is bad out there – we are in way over our heads, and unless we wake up fast on our own accord, we will be awoken to the Land of Beasts, and you don’t want to experience that. What I would also like to say, is our Consciousness needs to shine and engulf us the spirit and body form with its Love, because there is no fucking way we can do this alone because we are in their Game which is a nightmare beyond your wildest imagination. I say it once again: What rules us from the shadows is an Evil that goes beyond anything we have ever known, where it is not found in our reality. Our worst is nothing compared to the mere presence of the Beast in all its glory, where it bathes in Joy and Peace of what it is. No converting these fuckers because they are complete, where Evil is all they wish to know and be. With your Heart field open you are what you are, where you are Home in the sense that you know yourself. How does this happen? I would say by knowing where you were, and from there knowing what you naturally are, where you merely slip into this what you naturally are. No Hail Mary’s or hanging up prayer flags needed. You merely are what you are, but to get there, I believe you have to first know what you were, where you stand to one side and say “that is not me; this is me – this Love that I am.” And of course I am speaking of our Consciousness. I write because I know the end is in sight, and I say this as I feel the walls encroaching on us with each passing day, and that makes me anxious, where I border on becoming fearful, because what is out there that is waiting to touch us is a horror story from which we will never recover. At this stage of the illusion it is all or nothing, where we either sink or we go Home. Am I being melodramatic in saying such things? You fuckers don’t know what I see that is out there in the unseen. You the spirit and body form will be wiped out or shell-shocked into oblivion, and in these states your Consciousness will become nothing but a knowing power source to these Beasts. Am I afraid? I would say there is a controlled fear within me, because I know what I am, and I also know where I am, and those two don’t see eye to eye. I don’t belong here, yet I am trapped here, and I have to get out. So on Wednesday it will be ten years and five months to the day of living and breathing this journal – doing my best to find a way out. Will I succeed? Realistically, I don’t know.
  12. Within me flows the Reptilian frequency of the illusion. You don’t walk through that door into the realm of the cruel Beast and come out the other end the same as you were when you entered. I am them, and they are me, and that is why this journal is so effective in finding the truth, because it sees both sides of the coin equally. In here, in my world, there is never a “them versus us.” Sure, many I walk away from because I don’t like what they are and the company they keep, because that is not me, and to these I am impartial, where I leave them be. I move on to where I belong, searching for the real me so that I can be that state. This is why I am such an enigma to these cruel Beasts that dwell in the core of this most unpleasant place, where whatever they throw at me to kill me doesn’t work, but that doesn’t stop them from trying, where they go the whole nine yards to take me out. And that is funny, where how do you kill what you are, where their poison they filled me with over the years to kill me became one with me, and thus I became one with them. Throw water at water and you get a harmonious union of the same element, but when you mix the water with poison, and the poison doesn’t kill you, then what happens is you become immune to this toxin, where it flows through you and you become a replica of the one who gave it to you. So in me is a cruel Beast from the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, and this is not some watered-down version of the original Beast. I am them, to the point where they cannot even see I am them because I am one with them. You cannot kill me because my frequency is yours. What is also within me is Consciousness, and all this state wished to do is go Home. Oh wow, how can you call this Analytical illusion a place where a Game is played? What kind of Game is this when all get destroyed and there are no winners? Come on, who’s fooling who! I take what you want, and I destroy and suppress you, and I cause sorrow in those you Love as well as within you – for what! For control? So that I can be above you? Who is fooling who? Let’s stand back and see this Game for what it is: It is the fear of being in a place where we don’t belong. You stay in a mansion, and in one room of this dwelling is a library. So you go into the library, light the fireplace, pour yourself a cognac, light the cigar if you are in the mood, and then you fall back into your wing-backed chair and ask yourself who and what you are. You sit and you ponder, and you find an answer that makes sense because within you dwells an innate peace. Now you understand, and you leave your library where you went to think and ponder to return to the rest of your mansion. This is what should have happened. What happened instead was some pondered on what it would be like to be God over God, where I control that fucker and make him and her my own. This is not fear – it is just plain stupidity. The fear came in of being caught out, where I have to be covert otherwise I am caught out and others will see the cunniving abomination that I have allowed myself to become. Why would they want to do something like this; why play this Game where I put you in a cage to destroy and inflict misery upon you? That doesn’t make sense. So it is here that we understand the origin of this Game called “Hell for all” so that we may move on and leave these Beasts be. So you go beyond the Reptilian frequency; you go beyond the core of what defines this place, and there you be those that wish for control of others so that we may understand them. You see, I know what I am – I am Love, where I cannot be anything else but Love as this is me. So there is no fear when I walk into the space of another to understand them because I know myself. I would rather be Home amongst my own, being what I am, than destroying others and ultimately myself, because I am not insane. What I do and say has to make sense as this is me, and anything else that comes along cannot define me because I know what I should be. It comes back to the want/Curiosity/void that filled us when we entered the illusionary Garden of Semiramis. In you I see God – the all – and this I want, and you cannot have/be this what I want, so I unknowingly fill you with this void that makes you always seek, and now I am above you, where I have what I want and you don’t because you are always seeking to fill this unkown void/want within you. Now I am God – a God over a God, and this pleases me, as I use you as a chess player uses the pieces on the chess board to play a Game. That we understand, but play a few rounds of this Game and it becomes a bore. It was the thrill of being caught out that drove the Game and not so much the Game itself. Breaking into a vault to steal what is inside there is the thrill of the robbery – it is not so much taking what is inside the vault. So the thrill of I see you, and you see me, but you don’t know what I am doing to you was the capstone at the top of the pyramid, where you don’t see me but you think you do. And this is what keeps those at the top of the Game the rulers of the Game, and maybe that is why the capstone is missing, because what is there we are not allowed to see. I would say it has nothing to do with sight but everything to do with division and separation, where it is them, and then it is the rest of Consciousness whom they preside over. You walk on clouds when you know you are exalted and above others, and yet, somehow, somewhere, we are intrinsically linked to these fuckers, because they need us to feel exalted, otherwise they are nothing. What is within me and you that is within these that rule this Game, where without this link their Game falls apart as now we are no longer attached to them and under their rule? I feel both my hands go ice cold, and around my left hand this cold state expands to reach out to what is there. Is this the take, where I want what you have, and it gives me so much joy to take what gave you joy, where now all you have is sadness because you are left with nothing? What we that is Consciousness never knew, was this void/empty/Curious state that was implanted within our left neck. Now we had to fill this want that we never knew was within us. But that is only one half of the story. The other half was we done our best to fill this space, and when we did, it gave us joy, which brough an element of peace within us. But this void/want could never be filled as it was not meant to be within our existence, so as soon as we filled this space, what was therein was drained away to make way for another void to be filled, and so it went. But one key factor remained, and that was the joy of receiving what we wanted. This joy became equated to filling the empty box, and fair enough, we have removed the box, but the joy state remains, and with the one comes the other, where we return the void/empty box to meet our state of joy within. Remember, it is the thrill of the Game and not the control of the Game that kept it alive for those that controlled us, and so too, it is the joy of us receiving what we want that makes us complete, and this is the link between us and those that created the Game. What is joy? Is it not the thrill of receiving something you wished to attain? You bet it is. So find the joy state within us and the void/”Parasite”/want may be permanently removed from our state, but most importantly, we no longer walk in the Game of those who control us as we are not linked to them. Where is this Joy state that is the Game and keeps us in this awful place and associated to most unpleasant entities? Now the right hand becomes cold and extends outwards, looking for something. Does this represent the state of the spirit and Consciousness – yes, I would say so, where we know what will give us Joy will give all Joy, as in the dense body form as well. This coldness goes from the right hand to the heart field at the chest area to find this that would complete it, but there is meets a closed door as this was intentionally sealed by the cruel powers that be, where even the remnant of what should be was closed off to us. So what the spirit and Consciousness done was go beyond themselves, where they went into Dream world, where they imagined this Joy as it could not be found anywhere in the Analytical illusion, and this is why what brings you Joy can be the complete opposite of what brings me Joy, but the common thread between us is that both our Joys are not real – they are played out in La-la Dream land through our imagination of what we would feel when we get what we want. To explain that in simple terms: You cannot find Joy in a place filled with heartache and based on a lie, where I lied to your Consciousness to control it by implanting a Parasite within it. And that is why I have always said that I cannot be happy unless you are happy, because what good is my happiness if it is not yours, where you cannot be happy as I am? Joy cannot be found in the Analytical illusion, so we imagine this Joy into our existence. So let’s get this straight Steven: I run a race that I have trained hard for, and I come first, meaning I have won, so that gives me Joy. Now you are saying that race and me coming first never happened? What I am saying, is in the natural state of Consciousness there is never a “them versus us” because we are all Children of the Infinite. So how can you race against me when you are me? How can you “win” me? Your race; your competition is not natural. Play is natural, where through play – the peace within – we express the Joy of me seeing me in you and vica-versa. The separation of the missing/hidden capstone to the rest of the pyramid created a separation in all of us, where now it is me, and that is you, and you are not me, but I will do my best to beat you, and that will give me Joy because now I am better than you. Do you understand that your Consciousness, even in its lost state, would never buy into that, where there is no Joy in stamping upon you. So when you won that race, the Joy you felt was the thrill of you being above me – better than me. There was no Joy in winning a simple Game – Joy is in the Game and not the end result. And that thrill is the sick puppy that is the Game. Your Joy can never be attained in this Disharmonious frequency because that is not the Consciousness that you are, so we imagine this Joy. And if I say “imagine,” it is just that – an illusion within an illusion, where this state of Joy is not even within you. So where is this Imagination – this La-la Dream world where we go to and find our Joy? This Dream reality we superimposed within our “brain” area, where whatever we do, we do to attain this illusion within an illusion that is us. I feel and see this Dream/Joy state as it fills and becomes the hard-drive area that calls the shots and drives us our Consciousness, spirit and body. So get rid of this fucker by knowing it exists and has no place within us. Stop dreaming/imagining a Joy that is not there, and what this does, is the void/want within you becomes no more as now there is no need to fill it as we are not seeking Joy. Rather we seek what is real, which is Consciousness not being controlled by a Dream/Imaginary state. The Thrill of the Game and the Joy of the Game was one and the same, where both cannot exist within Consciousness, so we imagined/dreamed them into our existence, and this made us live in La-la land. In seeing the left and seeing the right, you are allowed to see the whole, and you must admit, what a bunch of absolute fucking idiots we became. Pathetic figures, finding happiness in our imagination, where it could not even be found in an illusion, where each victory was something we imagined that we found outside of ourselves in a dream world. Wow. That gives new meaning to our lost state. Remove this Dream land within you that you brought within that your imagination created without you. What drove you was to attain this Joy that never existed except in your imagination. You cannot beat you, and you cannot beat me because we are the same Consciousness. So go back to basics: Be the Love that you are in your Heart field, and there you will know the Home that you are. *** Now there is something here that I don’t understand. The curiosity of the Dragon and Serpent spirits as to what else is in the illusionary Garden of Semiramis that is not already in the fields of Infinite Love took on a Life-form within the Garden that touched all, most notably Consciousness of the Dragon and Serpent spirits. This want/gap/void took over all, which created a drive in all to fill this something that is within me so I may feel complete. There were many that saw and felt this want and said that is not me, so fuck off because I know what I am. And conversely, others took this want and made it their own, where it will give me so much Joy to take what you have, or better still, to take the whole of you by ruling/controlling you. So what a certain clan of Evil Serpents must have done is take a strand of Consciousness and make certain that within this Consciousness the want/Curiosity state is firmly embedded within it. And then around this blueprint all Life-forms within the illusion were created/manufactured in the cosmic laboratories, and that includes you and me the spirit and dense body form. What I cannot understand though, is Consciousness falling for this trick. That doesn’t make sense. Something else must have been done to fool this pure, Beautiful child of the Infinite. What was it? Go into the space where you see the complete picture, where you are both sides of the coin so that what was hidden from Consciousness may be revealed. What is felt is this long claw that extends backwards from the “head” of Consciousness, where this claw reaches down on the lower tip of Consciousness and pulls this up and over the “head” of Consciousness. What comes to mind here is when someone “pulls the wool over your eyes,” where now you cannot see as what you are has been pulled over you, so you go round and round chasing your own tail as you literally cannot see the horizon in front of you and where you belong. They superimposed Consciousness upon itself, where this is all it knew – its unknown manipulated state, and from here they could implant the void/want state within Consciousness. It goes without saying that this superimposed state is removed by knowing it is there and has no place within the space of Love. Now Consciousness can see, but what is equally important is this imagined Joy state is removed from within so that it may merely be. When you are what you are this is all you need, as this is Bliss that is a natural, permanent state. What else is there that needs to be understood? In 2017 I was convinced this journal was complete, and seven years later we are still going. Isn’t that ridiculous, or does it highlight the marvel to which deception was taken so that we may never know and be our true selves. Let’s just keep going while we still can. To hold down a child of the Infinite and create an unnatural state within it that came to be seen as natural needed monumental effort on the side of Evil Beasts. They just kept on going, driving us further and further into our misery as this state defined who and what they are, where I am not happy and at peace so neither can you be. That is the bad news. The good news is when Consciousness rises to what it naturally should be there is no stopping it. How much more that needs to be understood to release this natural state I don’t know. What I do know is this dickhead needs to spark because in our dumbed down state we all became mortal, even those who have Good and Bad within them and choose the natural state of Consciousness above all else.
  13. On this dense body form I knew I had a problem on the left side of my neck because now and then, after prolonged periods of sitting, my neck vertebrae would become hypermobile and make a clicking sound. That’s a problem because the body develops arthritic spurs to try and stabilise this hypermobile area, so I knew I was heading for trouble down the road as far as my neck vertebrae went. Now I know the cause of the problem – this void/weak/unstable spot that was manipulated into Consciousness. You might say your neck is fine, so what is the problem? The issue at hand was there was a flat spot within us – something that should not be, but it was not so much the object, but rather the driving force behind the object, which was a void that had to be filled because everything within the illusionary Garden and Infinite is complete. So we missed something, because something is lacking in a space that should be filled, which means something lacked within us, so let’s learn and search and find out what it is. That dilemma could have easily been solved if we traced back the origin of this void/want, but what happens when you are not aware of this want within you because it was secretly implanted into you that is Consciousness. So now as I sit here, typing these words, I feel warmth returning to the Source of the All located in the “left, lower leg” of Consciousness. Understand that as long as Consciusness was searching; was wanting, there was nothing that you or I could do to help this God-force within. As peace fills Consciousness it may draw its attention to the heart field, and from there re-inforce this space by bringing forth the true heart field that was left behind in the illusionary Garden of Semiramis. Am I being over-optimisitic when I say now we may return to what we are? Are we drawn to and see the Beauty around us that we are, where what we see is a reflection of what we are? I would say so. I would also say that in many they have to know themselves, where in seeing Beauty they see the Beauty within them that they are. That makes you complete, where all that is left is this permanent state of Beauty/Love/Consciousness and nothing else. That is when the prodigal child returns Home, and what we leave behind is just a bad dream/illusion that should have never been.
  14. In December there is an eight day luxury train ride, where you stop off in cities such as Vienna and Saltzburg to experience their Christmas markets. Now that is me – that is Steven, where it will give me so much pleasure to experience the nostalgia and tradition of such markets. To sit in the solitude of my chateaux , surrounded by its beautiful English garden, that is me. Or is that me? Am I not Consciousness? So what am I? And here we don’t need or appreciate some philosophical definition that does fuck all to keep my feet on the ground and experience this reality so that joy may be met, because surely if I am what I am, I bring forth and experience what I am, where this is me, with no effort on my part, as what I do and experience is an expression of me. But what am I? What are you? I can tell you what I am not: The Life I am leading is not me. When I walk into a branch of a national gym franchise and the noise is so loud from the cultural tradition of people having to shout at each when they speak to each other, as well as to be bombarded by the loud music of the fitness classes in progress, that is not me, where I cannot stay and I have to leave. Complaining to management over and over again does nothing, because that is them and their members, where noise – overbearing loud noise – is part and parcel of who they are. That is not me, where as hard as I try to exercise through that noise I cannot, so I have to leave. To live around neighbours that are disgusting, spineless pigs is also not me, and to drive on roads where others swerve around you at full speed with no respect to their life or yours is also not me. Isn’t that a dilemma for you – believing what you should be which you are not, as well as knowing what you are not and not knowing how to get away from it to where you believe you should be. People talk about God and their spiritual guides, but I don’t believe in any of that nonsense, and if you do, pop around and I can tell you first-hand of what should be in my life that is not. Before I get all soppy and hold extra tight on my blankie to feel comfort, let me say that what I see and feel from the unseen is what few have experienced in the illusion, where I feel and see the Evil Snakes that course through the lives of others when I go into their space. How many know of the Snakes that use the Analytical illusion as their evil, death-camp playground? How many have seen the evil spirits that dwell in the Reptilian frequency of the illusion, where you see the flesh rot off their faces as the evil within them grows and festers to destroy all that they are. I see and know what is natural in an unnatural realm, where pure evil ran the show for a long time. Now ask yourself of what use has this brought me in seeing what is really out there in the illusion. Let’s just say fuck all. So maybe it is a good time to take my teddy-bear by the hand and sit on the couch with my blankie and ask myself who I am so that I may be this that I am, so when I get off the couch to get on with my dad chores for the day, the real me may be at work and not some wannabie who strives for experiences that will really tickle his fancy, but are so beyond his reach that it makes them grossly unrealistic. Wouldn’t you say now is as good a time as any to move forwards and be what you are? So let’s do damage control; let’s see what we are. In the middle to lower left leg is an ice-cold presence, and this is the core that drives the Machine that is the illusion, as well as your Consciousness here in the Analytical illusion. That is the plutonium that drives and is the nuclear reactor. After a word count of 1 728 287 words, what have we come to understand i.e. what should this core be, as in how is it in the Source of the Infinite as it should be here in the illusion in you and me? In asking that question, we press “Enter” and wait for what should naturally be. Remember that everything that is in the Analytical illusion is within you, so change you, and everything within you changes. From there, you go without where you express this that you are. This state within the left lower leg is still ice-cold, so let’s assume this is what it should be, and let’s move forwards from there. From the core within us, what follows on from there? This cold state then permeates all around it, so that what is within us may be compatible to what enters our space. Now we are all one and the same as the same Source flows through us, so the tree or the mountain is you, and you are it. What you cannot see i.e. the unseen, is also permeated by this cold spell, so what you are not aware of also becomes one with you, where it enters your space at will as all are the same state. Now, through the base of your feet, you become planted into this state, meaning you become “useful,” where you have purpose, but this purpose becomes a thorn in your side, where you have no say as to who you meet and what happens to you. You are a bus stop, where who departs and enters your space is not in your hands and you have no say in the matter. This causes immense pain and confusion, where you are at the mercy of the cruel and irresponsible. And this is all that there is, where it is not so much that you have to take it – rather it is forced upon you. That’s Life – that’s you. Now let’s go back to the nuclear reactor at the left lower leg that drives you and the Machine. It is ice-cold. Now movement is felt on the left side of the neck, and then the ice-cold state is transferred to the unseen, meaning you are not aware of the power the unseen has over you, as what drives you in the left lower leg also drives the unseen, where those there have sway over you and your existence. But something happened at the left side of the neck to allow these events to occur, where the unseen took power to control and manipulate the seen, and by seen, we imply what your Consciusness sees, which in turn defines it. What happened on the left side of the neck? It must be almost ten years back when Pierre Sabak wrote about our branding at the neck, and if I can remember correctly, it was at the right side of the neck, yet I feel activity on the left side of Consciousness’ “neck.” Did the imprint strike the right side of the neck to penetrate and make a difference to the left side? That doesn’t make sense. But what I can tell you, is what happened on the left side of the neck filtered over to the fingertips, because now, as I write these words, they become ice-cold as well. (And maybe it is best that we never knew the journey, because had I known this journal would become so intricate with its twists and turns and need to understand all, it would never have gotten off the ground.) From the cold, eerie fingertips, where our every move is orchestrated and played by those from the shadows, this coldness settles over our heart field, where it decides what is good for you, and from here, you believe that what you do is good and just, where now you that is Consciousness become a player in this cruel and deceitful game. You see no wrong, because what is what is, where this is you. What happened at the left side of the “neck” of Consciousness changed the game, where believe it or not, we in the Analytical illusion were clever enough – we used our heads – to make this place a Utopia, as what we are is inherent Goodness due to the proximity from where we came. So what happened in the “neck” region of Consciousness; what did they do there to turn Consciousness into a vehicle for Hell to be born within us to which we were helpless? Now I feel a separation of the head from the body, where the body was carried away, and there, within the confines of the cosmic laboratory, the left side of the neck and left shoulder of Consciousness was altered. Now I feel them tampering with the heart field, where as gentle as a silkworm spinning its thread, these fuckers closed off the heart field so that we may never breach this area to enter the Infinite, and from this task the coldness spread throughout Consciousness. Now we were theirs; now we that are Consciousness were manipulated to drive their game, which was away from the natural state of Consciousness and the Infinite where we belong. Understand that at this point, what you once were was now no more, and from here, where x marks the spot, Hell was born, where your Life and what you are was no more in your hands, but rather in that of cruel Beasts. So the head that was separated from the body was clever enough to find its lost state, which was separated and taken away from it to be unknowingly manipulated, and when the head joined the neck of the body in this controlled laboratory setting, what was met was an altered state that the head of Consciousness was not aware of. What they done on the left side of the neck allowed them to control the game, where they overrided the natural state of Consciousness, and what this natural state is, is the heart field. Now nothing could flow from the heart to the head. In leaving the heart field in the illusionary Garden was a blunder, but it was still okay, because you know what you are, and thus can still get on with it. The manipulation of the left neck left any remnant of the heart field separate from the head, so what we are could not be. And that fucked everything up, because now those that played this Game could dictate to the head and deceive Consciousness. So we lived in the head – the controlled and dictated head – and our heart field became no more. And that is why the core reactor of Consciousness and the Machine remains ice-cold. Go back to the left side of the neck and the left shoulder to understand what was done there. From the reactor in the left lower leg they took advantage of the cold state of this reactor by it being separated from the heart state that was left behind in the illusionary Garden of Semiramis. This was their window of opportunity to control Consciousness and make it their own. So the cold state of the Source of the Infinite they moved to the left side of the neck, where they now pricked this “finger of God” that is Consciousness to shape it in their image. What happened in the left side of the neck of Consciousness can be described as the intent of those carrying out this manipulation. Know their intent, and you know what they done, which was to play others. These beings wished to become the puppet masters of Consciousness, where Consciousness is played in their game. What is their game? To use Consciousness to carry out their will. Control. Their game was Control, where they become God to God. You don’t get much higher than that, do you? So in the left side of the “neck” of Consciousness they implanted the parasitic frequency of Deception. (When the Dragon and Serpent spirits who played in a field of the Infinite saw the illusionary Garden that Queen Semiramis imagined/created, they wondered what else is in this Garden that is not already in the Infinite. Their Curiosity took on a Life-form of its own when they entered the Garden, and this Curiosity became the Parasite, where it was neither good nor bad – it merely was. This neutral state filled those within the Garden, and this neutral void had by default needed to be filled, which created a want, where when I achieve what I want, I may be fulfilled, or should we say, the void/empty space within us may be filled. This want we called the Parasitic frequency of Deception, and these entities transferred with void within the left side of the neck of Consciousness.) Take away this void; this “Parasite” by knowing it is there within Consciousnes, where it made Consciousness always want, where it spun round and round trying to fill what could not be filled as such a state was unheard of in the Infinite as well as the illusions. There is nothing else but the Infinite, so this harmless question/curiosity by the Dragon and Serpent spirits was truly the spanner that fucked everything up. But that is not entirely true, where it was the deceitful want of entities to take this harmless state and turn it into a weapon that would turn us insane, where the only way to accept and be one with this newborn Hell was to go mad – where you invert the natural to unnatural and see that as normal, where now your peace within was a fools paraside, where with each passing moment you forget the Love and heart field that you are. I see these spirits at the end of the line where they cave in on the rot that they are, and it is a most unpleasant sight. When the “Parasite” was within Consciousness, they branded Consciousness on the right upper neck to seal the manipulation, where now you are mine, as I know you, as I created you through manipulation and deceit. Now God that is Consciousness became ruled by a false God – a most Evil and cunning beings who ruled sway over the illusion and those trapped therein. And that’s the story of why you are not you. Even when you know you and what you should be, you just cannot get to be you. Well, now you can. Take away the empty void of want/curiosity within Consciousness and open the heart field by knowing it was closed. This remnant of what you remembered yourself to be will open the floodgates to the true heart field entering your space to where it belongs, and everything that was done to you will be undone and fall away, as now you shine and merely are.
  15. Take away all the layers of Life within the Analytical illusion, and what you are left with is mind-control. That was the name of the show, where believe in what is not there. The crux of the Game was for us to believe in an illusion and make it real. Last night as I slept my Consciousness was taken to a laboratory. There was a team there to inspect and analyse me. The head of the team stood some distance from the others who were behind him. He was non-Human, and I won’t even try and describe what he looked like. What this genetic, mind-control team done was implant a reality within my Consciousness, where suddenly I found myself in a dance examination. I was in a dance hall and going through the moves to a dance with my dance partner, and here is the thing – I did not know the sequence to the dance. The feeling inside of me as I performed, not knowing what I should be doing, filled my whole being with tears. It was a combination of fear and embaressment and humiliation all in one. And that state they infused into my Consciousness through mind-control. As my whole being felt this state, as my Consciousness was the principal target, at my core I fought this personality and its emotions that they had just created, and I said to myself that this is not me. And this was why the head honcho of mind-control and his team within the illusion experimented with my Consciousness – to see if it would still hold to their manipulation and deceit. Then as I found myself back in bed sleeping my spirit heard the doorbell going off. I grabbed a pole of sorts as a weapon and ran downstairs to see who was at the door at that time of night. Then my spirit was pulled back from this fiasco and I saw the one who implanted this mind-control deception. She was a non-Human being who had flames in her eyes, and she was having a good chuckle from working me up into a frantic state for nothing. On all levels we are controlled to believe in something that is not there. In the dense frequency we look up to those who have money or status, where we are made to believe they have something we don’t, thus they are special and superior to us. They are not; they are just like you and me, albeit with a larger bank balance. And of course we are made to believe we are nothing because we have nothing. What if everything we are shown and made to believe is just an implanted programme? What if you are not you, where what you are is Consciousness and nothing else? I remember a while back my spirit going to this realm. All that was there were these Light beings, where you saw these flashes of Light and nothing else. What this was, was heightened beings who had risen above the character/personality that they were, where all that was left was their Consciousness. These spirits and body forms, as well as their Consciousness, had managed to discard the cloak that was the program, but what they never knew was they lived in the head and not the heart. Within their “head” of Consciousness they omited all programming to merely be, which is wonderful, but they were just in the wrong location, where their Consciousness should have seen the Analytical illusion for what it was, and from there return to the true heart field that Consciousness left behind in the Garden of Queen Semiramis. How did the cosmic geneticists implant these programmes? Well, in the beginning it was easy, where they showed us what we wanted to see. Fearful are you? A bit afraid? Don’t fret, look at this beautiful, peaceful scenery, and there, now I make you a part of it. We were shown what made us feel safe, and this we welcomed, and before we knew it, we believed the make-believe character was us and the grass under our feet was real. The problem came in when the tiger could not be tamed, where we made the illusion our own, where we enjoyed this playground of me being in charge. But it’s all an illusion – a program implanted within Consciousness, and this we forgot. While the heart field was absent we lived in the head, and in this space the cosmic geneticists implanted the programs within Consciousness, and from this projection the spirit was born, and from the spirit its off-shoot the dense body form. And between all of this slight of hand trick was one core principal: Learn to evolve; learn to find better ways to survive, all the while being a good girl and boy scout so that you may be one with something you have never seen but everyone is told to believe in it. That something was your Consciousness that was plugged into a character and movie that was not it or real. And round and round we went, following a story that was not real, and neither were those in the story. Isn’t that amazing. May the team now understand that Consciousness has rejected their implanted false realities and personalities, where now it may merely be. Games over. Where from a false light/illusion/programme comes the true Light of Consciousness with its heart field intact. May the false program around us fade away with each passing moment so that we see and live the Joy that is Consciousness.
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