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Ethel

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About Ethel

  • Birthday 02/01/1993

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  1. I don't know if there is light at the end of the tunnel for everyone. There will be for some people, I think. There are people of a very high level of consciousness who will manage to retain at least some quality of life even as the current situation worsens.

     

    But for myself, I don't know how I can get through what is to come. My life was already hard, in a certain way. But now, I am in an almost constant state of discomfort. 

     

    Some people are lucky enough to go about their lives and see other people like them. Non mask wearers, the non compliant. This will reassure them, and make them feel less alone.

     

    I have one person in my entire life who I see regularly who is non compliant. One.

     

    The rest are all system slaves of the worst kind. They have been distancing themselves, which suits me in a way, because it is a strain to be around them. The only way it is managed is by avoiding the subject of 'it' altogether.

     

    Day after day, week after week, I walk around looking at these masked idiots, feeling more and more and more alone, and I really just want it all to be over.

     

    Day after day I cry bitter tears of total grief, for the sense of belonging and connection I wanted to have in this life and that I am reminded I don't have and never have had, every single day.

     

    I just long for my constant mental suffering to be over. It is like living with a constant internal itch which never goes away. I can no longer remember the last time I felt happiness but I'm sure it was years ago. I resent being alive now.

     

    I deliberately formed a belief that I would never reincarnate and that if the archontic soul trap is real, I will say no to it. I couldn't stand any more.

     

    I know there must surely be even more tough times ahead and I don't know for the life of me how I'm going to get through them. 

     

     

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Steph

      Steph

      Every cloud has a silver lining. Laughing at the absurdity of it all is one line of pleasure they cant cut off.

    3. Fluke

      Fluke

      I can relate to a lot of that Ethel. I do feel a lot of despair to what could come and that is without all the coronavirus but it really is agitating. I take solace from the cool people on here. And a few other sections on the internet that have staved off being censored in these trying times. 

       

      I have always liked my own company but the feeling of having the general beliefs and propaganda constantly imposed on me/us it is bound to take its toll on us.

       

      It is important if we can not to get too quantum entangled although its hard not to get angry and we have a right to!

       

      I see you are a fellow Morrissey fan :) his music always makes me feel better. Have you tried writing at all? It would be good to be able to write prose as beautifully as Moz. I wrote a few paragraphs out today not because i wanted to but to keep my sanity. 

       

       

    4. Ethel

      Ethel

      Yes, writing definitely helps, it is something I should probably do more of. I used to like my own company too but that gradually changed over the years, I am working on it though.

       

      There are lots of singers and bands that have fallen in and out of favour with me over the years, but Morrissey/Smiths has never went down in my estimation.

       

      I Still love them as much as I always did.

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