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Posts posted by Leapy

  1. Apparently these are the top 10 British cracker jokes of 2020:

    1 What is Dominic Cummings’s favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.

    2 Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to elf isolate!

    3 Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled.

    4 Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.

    5 Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.

    6 Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because, eventually, it’s behind you.

    7 Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn.

    8 Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.

    9 What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread.

    10 Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone

    • Like 1
  2. One I made today 🤭 

    Under tier 4 restrictions, non-essential shops, hairdressers and leisure and entertainment venues will close, with a new “stay at home” message introduced. People who need to travel for education or childcare will be exempt, and exercise will be unlimited.



    • Haha 1

    John, a well-to-do bachelor, invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the meal, Mom couldn't help notice how attractive and shapely the house keeper was, and wondered if there was more going on than meets the eye. John sensing what his mother was thinking said to her "I know what you're thinking, Mom, but I assure you my relationship with the house keeper is purely professional."


    A week later, the house keeper told John that ever since his mother's visit a silver gravy ladle has been missing. John sent his mother a note which said, "Mom, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle, and I'm not saying you didn't, but the fact remains one has been missing since you were here".


    A few days later he receives a note from his mother. "John: I'm not saying you sleep with your house keeper, nor am I saying you're not. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom".

    • Haha 3
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