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Mr Crabtree
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Posts posted by Mr Crabtree
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I reckon I could get G.I. Joe Biden twerking, he just needs a set of jump leads attached to his bollocks and the other end attached to a truck battery, he'd twerk like a jerk and the smell of singeing grey pubic hairs would probably turn him on even more!
LET'S GO BRANDON, FLICK THAT SWITCH!
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I reckon I could get G.I. Joe Biden twerking, he just needs a set of jump leads attached to his bollocks and the other end attached to a truck battery, he'd twerk like a jerk and the smell of singeing grey pubic hairs would probably turn him on even more!
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5 hours ago, Deca said:
The way things are going, it'll soon be replaced by Soylent Green!
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There is bravery, and then there's Heroism, fancy being married to that flat topped Lard Arse ?, you'd be on edge 24 / 7! If he told you that his last wife went to the dogs, you'd know straight away he wasn't talking greyhound racing!
I'd tell him to fuck off, but, only on the phone from the other side of the world, and, I wouldn't give my own name, I'd call myself Rishi Sunak and then I'd say 'the last time I saw a face like that it was in a butcher's window, with an apple in it's mouth, and what are you going to do about that, fuckface'?
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4 hours ago, LastOneLeftInTheCounty said:
That sounds like an idyllic youth, a classic tale that could be an ITV teatime sitcom!
Don’t get many of them to the pound these days, it’s all hoodies, vapes, stabbing and Tik Tok for the kids of today.
We should all think ourselves lucky, for having some nice times in the past without this dragon breathing down our necksI used to take my own kids, and later on, my grandkids, but somehow the spark just wasn't there! But I feel that it must be genetic anyway, because my own dad had no input or influence in my life. My granny, granddad and my mother brought me up and it wasn't until I was in my teens that I learned that my dad was exactly the same in his day as I was in mine. We both liked the ladies, the boozing, poaching, fishing and a good punch up on a Friday night
and both of us were hardworking and generous to our mates!
I knew Pat Roach the wrestler / actor and he knew my father quite well, and according to Pat, my father looked like a young John Mills the actor. Pat always called me 'Vicar' though the reason for that escapes me, I don't know anyone who looks less like a vicar than I do!
He had a pig farm down the lane near my house and not far from the farm I worked on at the weekend when I was younger, and we used to walk our daughters past there on their ponies, until they discovered boys{ I mean our daughters discovered boys, not their ponies!} Poor old Pat was buried in my old home town of Bromsgrove, he really was a gent and he always gave my kids some sweets money whenever we met! You're right, I'm glad I was a kid when I was a kid, and enjoyed the freedom we had, but people don't have now!
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On 3/9/2023 at 6:14 AM, alexa said:
This is very clever Mister Crabtree, dyow do enee other aksents ?
The crooked house pub, Himley near Dudley up for sale, another bit of history going now!
The Mug House in Worcester, the only pub I know that's in a cemetery, I wonder if they serve spirits?
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On 3/1/2023 at 3:48 PM, alexa said:
& breed
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1 hour ago, Not Thoth said:
People comparing Lineker to Spartacus and "We stand with Gary"!!!
Snidey bastard, always looking for any publicity, he never kept his foreign guest at his house for very long though, did he?
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6 hours ago, LastOneLeftInTheCounty said:
That’s hilarious, you always make me smile mr Crabtree!
Tactical Goat, that’s what I’m going to call my home brew, sounds excellent tripping off the tongue
Thanks mate, I appreciate that, when I was a youth back in Worcestershire there was a farm I worked on during the weekends and Mrs Bayliss, the farmer's missus, used to brew, or ferment a wickedly powerful cider she called 'Tanglefoot' They had a massive orchard and they always pressed their own apples to make this deadly scrumpy and it got you pissed quicker than a Friday morning Giro cheque from the D.W.P.! There were so many families on the dole in my road they called the postman 'Giro Jim' because he always bought their beer and bingo tokens, all in the guise of a giro cheque!
An Indian lad did the round for a fortnight whilst Jim was away on the Costa Brava enjoying his two weeks holiday, straight away we nicknamed him 'Postman Patel' and He seemed to like the banter and we all agreed that we'd have liked him to do the round permanently because 'Jim' could be a right misery sometimes! Unfortunately the lad was knocked of his bike and killed whilst doing his own round a few months later!
I just had a though as I was checking this over for spelling mistakes, the APPLE drink was called SCRUMPY and stealing the farmers APPLES was called SCRUMPING, there just has to be a connection between certain words, besides the apples I mean! The local old boys used to say' that scrumpy is so good for you, you always get 'A good clean out' the next morning, 'it meks yer shit through the eye of a needle' ! The best laxative for me was when I looked in the rear mirror on my way home from a poaching expedition and saw the sign 'ECILOP 'lit up in the mirror!
And then of course there were the 'Noddy Bikes'
Our local copper had one of those, but I think he was scared to ride it half the time, he preferred his old bike most of the time!
One local lad boasted that he'd given Sgt Moore's daughter a lift home from the local dancehall on his crossbar, I said 'what's so special about that'? really I think I was jealous at the time
and he said 'well, she didn't know until we got home, it was my sister's bike, and it hadn't got a crossbar'!
I always carried my letters of permission from local farmers and if I did 'inadvertently' stray into another area by complete accident in the dark fields, well, one rabbit looked much like another to the men in blue!
Sometimes I borrowed the paper bike from the shed at the back of the local paper shop run by two lovely old ladies both spinsters and both called 'Miss Kings' you could hide that in the hedge at night, and the basket held quite a lot of bunnies too! I 'd worked there when I was still school, delivering the papers and I think the ladies knew I borrowed it, but I always kept it oiled and pumped up for them, and they turned a blind eye as long as it was there for the paper boy the next morning they were happy enough!
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44 minutes ago, alexa said:
I want some of what your on
What? Pension money d'yer mean?
They even patrol the beaches now, Rishi has a specially sworn in goat unit looking out for illegal goat people coming in on the tide!
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On 3/7/2023 at 4:44 PM, alexa said:
Yep, it's delicious, but expensive.
I did want to try it, but the goat caught me nicking it and phoned the old bill,
THEN THE BASTARDS CALLED FOR BACKUP!
Mind you, I met a little sweetie, we're going for a drink one night, it won't be the first time I've been accused of 'acting the goat'! Apparently her sisters are coming along too, but I don't want to get palmed off with the ugly sister, I've been there, done that, so, 'No Way Jose'!
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19 hours ago, DaleP said:
If you eat fish twice a year......you are in danger.
So what else can we eat then? Bugs?
My thoughts exactly, another push towards 'It's a Bugs Life' life can be a bugger sometimes, especially if you're a member of the sheeple tribe,
and there's lots of those about! Between dodging bird flu, Maskitis, monkey pox etc it's nice to come home to a lovely meal, is that why the call 'em
'MEALWORMS'? I miss me muvver's cooking, O.K. she did have a special way of burning salad, but she was an artiste when it came to the Vesta Chow Mein and
'real' beef curries! God bless her, she'll be 'up there somewhere'
probably nicking the lead off the church roof!
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12 hours ago, Mr Crabtree said:
First in line for the firing squad I mean!
Never mind though, it could be worse, IF he'd been born with a brain he could have turned out to be dangerous1
But fortunately enough he wasn't. if brains were made of dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his hat off!
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On 2/15/2023 at 10:00 PM, TheConsultant said:
I see your cocaine and raise you methI tried snorting Coke, and the bubbles went right up my nose, it's not what they crack it up to be
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Just now, Mr Crabtree said:
Mate, I genuinely think he should be first in line!
First in line for the firing squad I mean!
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3 hours ago, DaleP said:
I'm surprised he is still 8th in line.
Mate, I genuinely think he should be first in line!
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Sheep bleating about a system they allowed to happen, but did nothing about it, and now wished they had!
Leila Pryor of Corfe Mullen having a moan up about the new 'intrusive' lights keeping the village awake ever night!
I can't be arsed writing any more about twats like her, end of moan!
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I just called the Tinnitus helpline, no one answered, it just kept ringing!
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On 10/11/2020 at 8:41 AM, Messenger said:
@zarkov my friend, thank you for stopping by and contributing your experiences and knowledge, I appreciate it.
I agree too pretty much with everything you mentioned.
I have not tried distilled water but I do double filter the tap water here which is atrocious and loaded with crap. I have a Berkey water filter container which uses two charcoal cylinders to filter out junk, but it doesn't get the fluoride or some other toxins as the water still has white stuff floating in it after, so then I filter that water with a Brita filter and then it seems safe to drink. I should probably have it tested.
At that point I add Magnesium drops to my water, but I like your idea of adding other minerals.
I like your idea of leaving the water in the sun too, and I will try it. I have done this before but unconsciously when I happened to leave my glass water bottle in the car and the sun was on it.
I agree, our bodies are complex machines constantly repairing parts to balance health.
I have never tried fasting, I have not felt like I needed to but I am certainly not against people doing it for their own reasons.
Thanks for the information.
As far back as I can remember, my old granddad had six sugars in his cups of tea, but he always told me never to stir his tea, ever! I asked why? and he said he didn't like it sweet!
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10 hours ago, alexa said:
im b in layzee az pur
Nearly as bad as the 'Black Country' way of speaking. 'Oh arr me an our kid we'z agooin ter the chip shap fer a cod and sixpennorth of chips, dun in beef fat, you just cor beat 'em, am yo avin sum? They guz down real well with a pint of Banks's bitter! We'all sit down by the cut an watch the sun agooin' down over the gasworks, it'll be a bostin' night, an a full moon, trust me my mon, yo'll luv it'!
Aynuk =What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison Ayli?
Ayli= I doh know, I've never washed my 'onds in a buffalo!
Aynuk 'ow many hundreths are there in an inch?
Ayli= I doh know mate, there must be thousands of 'em'
Ayli and Aynuk in the pub, Aynuk said 'doh drink no more beer Ayli, yo'm getting drunk'! Ayli said 'I ay drunk Aynuk, what gives yo that idea as I'm agettin' drunk'?
Aynuk said 'Yo must be gettin' druke mate, yer fairce is gettin' very blurry'!
Aynuk said to Ayli 'yo knows that Billy Tipton from Netherton? eez started a chicken farm in the field behind 'is 'ouse'! Ayli= 'oh arr, 'ows 'e a goin' on uv it'? Aynuk= 'they all died, all five 'undred of 'em'! Ayli = 'ow come they all died then'? Aynuk= well, Billy reckons 'e planted 'em all too deep'!
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4 hours ago, alexa said:
I do & that's because it was funny, the only thing we get today are the politician's
Alf Garnett, funny as fuck, although today you couldn't say a tenth of what he used to say, and yes I know it was an early attempt at double think brainwashing, when the chosen people had a knock at the blacks and other chosen people by an actor who was from the very tribe that cannot be mentioned! Still, as funny as fuck and I still watch him on YouTube!
We're all aware that the actor who played his son in law was Tony Booth, father of the ever so attractive and popular Cherie Blair!
And also the long term lover and eventual husband of Pat Pheonix { Elsie Tanner from Coronation Street }!
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4 hours ago, alexa said:
Spell it as ya say it
Ate = 8
Farmacy
Scycology
Scykick
Phuk
Syence
Becus
Seeling
Bakwoods
How many did ya get
Yu tayk the biskit yu reeli du, wots rung wyh yu, wye dunt yu spel proppa lyk as wot we duz?
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14 hours ago, EnigmaticWorld said:
Speaking in code or the latest memetic lingo makes sense to limit algorithms picking up on certain keywords, but more degeneration of language would probably just play into the elites hands. People have been dumbed down enough already.
Relying on auto correct spell check is probably a bad idea and a lot of the younger urbanite generation would probably be screwed without it on their phones, but I still want people to help me if my spelling is wrong. Ever since I have been on this forum I have been honest about the fact that my writing skills need improvement, and I'm not ashamed of that. I'm ashamed of wasting time on unproductive crap when I was young and speaking like some ghetto imbecile instead of reading and writing more.
It's not just writing, but also with oral speech too. Listen to live dialogue from radio or TV from years ago, people spoke much better.
Everything is decadent now, and there's too many urbanites that are reliant on slang because their grasp of real language is pathetic. I mean no disrespect to them by saying that because I understand that they are victims of pop culture brainwashing and I want better for them so they can prosper and live wholesome lives.
We have a massive issue with there being a lack of master orators these days, and this is probably why slimy people like Russell Brand grab the attention of midwits, because of the lack of competition. A master orator can motivate entire nations to act with their speeches, we need more of them, not less.
Mate, fuck your bad spelling, you and I are in total agreement about that slimeball Brand, him and David Walliams were probably Siamese, sorry, co joined twins when they first hit planet earth! When they split 'em, which one got the brain, and which one got the arsehole?
Wen I wuz at skool i cudent spel grannfather, and now i ar one! Anyway, you put up some good posts and replies, you're also on the same wavelength as us and that's the main thing!
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14 hours ago, webtrekker said:
I think correct punctuation is more important...
'Let's eat, Grandma.'
'Let's eat Grandma.'
Man went to see doctor about being overweight! Doctor ='Just don't eat anything fatty' Man='what like chips and pies and that sort of thing'? Doctor= No, just don't eat anything, fatty'!
Joke curtesy of Gary Delaney, Sarah Millican's other half! Gary, you should have gone to specsavers!
Just saying mate!
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New Netflix Movie Celebrates 11-Year-Old Girls Twerking
in Exposing Child Abuse
Posted
I reckon I could get G.I. Joe Biden twerking, he just needs a set of jump leads attached to his bollocks and the other end attached to a truck battery, he'd twerk like a jerk and the smell of singeing grey pubic hairs would probably turn him on even more!
LET'S GO BRANDON, FLICK THAT SWITCH!