Mr Crabtree

Liquorice stick anyone?

I'm not clever enough to know the definitive answer to the 'Asylum Seeker' problem, but my take is this. I have no problem with someone trying to improve the lifestyle and the security of their families and come here willing to work and give something positive to the country who's allowed them in, in order to improve their family situation! My objections are letting in young, single men who roam around the local communities intent on pestering the local female population, committing minor, and sometimes, major crimes, moaning about their food, their accommodation, and the way they are treated by the country who's allowed them in in the first place! They all seem to somehow have better clothes, trainers etc than their hosts, and most of them have state of the art mobile phones and expensive watches and rings, not bad for someone escaping from repressive regimes who threaten their very lives! We, or rather, they, the manipulators, are piling large heaps of shit and major problems on our heads for their own agendas, none of which are for any of our benefits!

I went into the bakery and asked for an uncut loaf, the lady said 'we haven't got any bread, only muffins'! I said 'what's the difference'? She said 'There's two ff's in muffins, but no f in bread'!

An old man in a dirty and stained Mac, hired a prostitute and took her back to his house, led her up stairs, told her to strip naked and then climb onto the wardrobe! she did so and then, when she looked down, the old man had taken off his 'flasher Mac' and was laying naked on the bed! She said 'you don't want me to jump on top of you do you? I might kill you at your age! He said 'no, what I want is you to reach out your left leg, flick the light switch on and off rapidly, whilst banging your right heel every five seconds against the wardrobe door and you'll find a bucket of water next to you, keep flicking the water at me please'! She said 'are you taking the piss? you've paid me a hundred pounds to do that?, are you totally mad'? He said 'no dear, the water being flicked on me remind me of a wet and stormy night, when I was a kid, the light going on and off, on and off, reminds me of the lightning, and the drumming on the wardrobe door reminds me of the thunder'! She said 'well aren't you gonna give me one to get your money's worth'? He said 'What? on a night like this? you gotta be joking, I'd catch Pneumonia at my age'! The same' lady of horizontal refreshment' was talking to me in a pub one night and she said 'you see that old codger there? he's 91, and every month he gives me a hundred pounds cash to give him a very quick handjob, and then he hits me with his walking stick for a while'! I said 'a while? how long does he hit you for'? She said 'only until I give him his hundred pounds back'!

Your cousin, the bank should have asked me, he asked me for a kiss at the end of the night, I said 'No, we shouldn't even be here in bed together really'!

They should have aske me, we went for drink the other night, and he is as camp as a field full of tents, He makes Alan Carr look as hard as a night club doorman, AND your cousin was on Ketamine, I had a moan about it and he just laughed and said 'ooohh, get off your high horse'!

More fear porn for any gullible wankers to toss over, it'll go nicely with the Tsunami swamping London anytime soon? and that nice Mr Putin nuking the U.K.? All we need now is Brussels halting our supply of sprouts to complete this triple treat of fear porn, ahh well we've always got the soaps and the reality T.V. to fall back on! Take a few more Valium and hope for the best I suppose? That pic looks like my peanut butter, hemp and bread groundbait I use for carp fishing.

The same here, the only difference is, where I live is a bit like the wild west in some ways, for instance if you pay the rent two months running, armed police come round to see where you got that sort of money from legally! Seriously though, we have owned two houses in the past, owning neither made us particularly happy to be honest, and when my small business collapsed we sold up, paid off the Shylocks at Barclays and moved here to Brighton where we rented for a couple of years. We did up the long garden that was well overgrown, and then the owners who had been living in Holland came back, their family had grown too large for that house so they wanted to sell and buy bigger! The council then re-homed us to our estate we're on now, which was a lot rougher than it is these days, in the first year or so we were here there were five murders on the estate! drugs related mainly, except for one man who murdered his wife with a wooden mallet during a drunken row! At one time you couldn't get shopping or takeaways delivered, now half the estate's population seem to work for Deliveroo But if I'm honest, I love it here, being a local bus driver one of my routes was the number 1 bus= Whitehawk to Mile Oak and over the years I got to know lots of people from here, and mostly they are 'the salt of the earth' types! The biggest arseholes are some of the residents that have big houses up Dyke road, a few of them are dodgy 'door knocker' types who con people out of their antique stuff just paying a pittance! This type of criminal for anyone who's never heard of 'Knockers'!

People like you are pushing the flat earthers over the edge!

For years and years I've always put six sugars in my tea, coffee etc, BUT, I never stir it because I can't stand anything sweet! Clever thinking 'eh?

Thanks, I love the Dubs, also the Frank and Walters, particularly their song 'After All'! I like Imelda May, Gary Moore, Phil Lynott, Jim McCann, The Wolfe Tones, The Whistlin' Donkeys and a few others! Before the great pandemic scam we went to Southern Ireland often, we usually stopped in Duncannon in County Wexford in a house across the road from the lovely beach, and we always attended every ceilidh held in the Strand Tavern, the pub on the corner. I used to let my hair down after a few pints in there, and out came the harmonica, that was usually about the time that my wife and the grandkids went back across to the cottage and left me to 'entertain' my Irish friends But, by then we were usually pissed anyway and I always felt that they appreciated my playing, and even the punters dogs used to join in and howl in accompaniment! The bastards who lied to us sure as hell effed up a lot of things that brought pleasure to ordinary people!

I love the Irish group 'ASLAN' I discovered them late in life, but, made up for it by playing their songs A LOT, AN AWFUL LOT in fact!

AND SAY'S IT ALL REALLY!

My fellow Americans, we're gathered here tonight to investigate whether I just ordered a double cone vanilla ice cream with extra sprinkles? or whether I ordered a nuclear missile attack on Moss Cow? We should get in touch with our President, who's ermm, who's name escapes me right now, does anyone know his name'? 'Sir, his name is Joe Biden Sir'! 'Really? wow, how spooky is that? I think my name is Joe Biden too, although the name sewn into my boxers say's 'Primark' for some unknown reason? Joe Biden 'eh? wow, that is one heck of a coincidence, two Joe Bidens, one loves ice cream, and the other one loves world peace, how random is that'? To finish off tonight I'd like to tell you a little joke, The actress said to the Bishop, errm, no, hang on, the Bishop said to the actress, err errmm, no, that's not right either, I'll get back to you on that one, whatever they said to each other was damned funny anyway, I laughed so much I shit my boxers! No, wait it wasn't a Bishop and an actress, it was Vladimir Putin who said to Donald Trump, ermm, err, shit, it's gone again, but take my word for it, it was damned funny anyhow! HOW'S ABOUT THAT THEN VLAD? DONNIE, YOU ARE ABOUT AS FUNNY AS SYPHILIS! SEE, I TOLD YER SO!

I didn't realise we even had a king, I thought we'd got another queen, or a jumped up court jester doing his impression of a queen!

Now, let me get this straight, did I just order a double vanilla cone with extra sprinkles? or did I order a nuclear strike on Moscow? can someone turn the auto cue on please? oh, this is so confusing! Can someone call the President and ask what's going on?, and can someone answer that goddam phone? What's the President's name again?' 'It's Joe Biden sir'! 'Wow, what a coincidence, I think that's my name too, well I never, what's the chances of that happening 'eh'? 'Tell the man not to go too steady on those sprinkles please'!

Pukin' giving Georgie boy a hand shandy, 'George, is that your weapon of mass distraction'? 'Yes Vlad, and the purple helmet on the end is there to stop your hand slipping off whilst you're giving me a 'Tommy Tank, oohh Vlad can I kiss you'?

I was in a pub a few years back and a bloke came in from the pub garden area to order another round of drinks. He looked at me and said 'There's a Jack Russell dog out there, with two arseholes'! I thought 'This I've just got to see'! So, outside I went, and he was telling the truth, I saw George Bush, and Tony Blair drinking two pints of bitter, and Blair had a Jack Russell on a lead, sat at his feet! His other dog, Cherie, was across the lawn on her hands and knee's, licking cat piss off some nettles now I know where she got that face from! Mystery solved! Cherie Blair dressed as a woman! I think that's the outfit Tony Blair wore when he got done for cottaging when he was a student and his nickname was 'Miranda'!

It proves to me that the American word 'Bush' meaning a C-nt, is spot on!

The two arresting officers after doing their freezer training in the Iceland store freezers in order to acclimatise to the colder Russian weather! Ruby Murray {left} and her colleague Sally Forth are already getting their flight fares sorted with 'GO FUND ME' and within one week have already raised the staggering sum of £8.75p!

Intergalactic Uber mate And, being downhill all the way back, they freewheeled some of the distance, an old and trusted fuel saving trick!

I just watched David Icke' 'CLOWN OF THE WEEK' 'SIR' { spelled C.U.R. } 'ROD 'EM ALL' STEWART and DAME Elton John, what a pair of twats, two silly old men with millions IF NOT BILLIONS of quid between them, but not one single shred of decency anywhere in their dealings with the very public who put them up there on their lofty pedestals! They are a small pair of drips in a large ocean of 'Celebrity' Judas Goats leading their adoring public down the road to oblivion! 'TOOLS' by any interpretation of the word!

One fucked up, but still very rich, Brummie!