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Mr Crabtree
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Posts posted by Mr Crabtree
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6 hours ago, truepositive said:
Hey Mr Crabtree, just like maff, das rayciss!
Me am sowwy me no mean anyting by it, me rearn my engrish off Ting Tong, she good teecher!
She teech 2 ranguages, engrish and rubbish! That man, he no me, he have moore hare and moore hand sum!
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On 3/27/2023 at 8:37 PM, bamboozooka said:
only need to watch first half
I missed the Queen, twice actually, so I got the sniper rifle sights fixed, but I was too late I'm afraid, she'd already died by then! By the way, Richard 'send me money' Vobes is a scammer in my opinion, jumping on any bandwagon that might bring in a few shekels! Vobes said 'Pricked my ears'? he's more like a 'Prick with ears'!
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1 hour ago, bamboozooka said:
ha thats what i've always said about chinese takeaways.
theres a little old man there making sizzling and pot banging noises
while the food is in loads of microwaves with their ping taken out
No 'chicken go ping' then? Ris is rovery chinese recipe= Put chicken in microwave, press button, five minute later, 'chicken go ping' very, very rovery chicken! I always thought that the bloke behind the counter at our Chinese chippy had bad hands or something because he always used to say 'Sore Finger? but I later realised he was saying 'salt and vinegar'? I always thought he was a bit thick anyway, whenever I said 'Fish and chips twice please' he always replied 'O.K. O.K. I hear you first time'!
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2 hours ago, Mr Crabtree said:
Yep, it sure is a 'pretty, shitty, city' alright! Joking apart I took my wife and our friend to Oxford for a day last year, dirty old streets and beggars all over the place, Inspector Morse would turn in his grave! We went for dinner at Wetherspoons city centre pub 'The Swan And Castle' and after we'd paid for the meal, the waitress who brought it out to us said that the management wouldn't allow our dog on the premises!
I said 'but we're sitting here on the pavement area, and there' no one else sitting out here'! She said the area outside on the street was classed as the premises too, as was any car park attached to any of the Wetherspoon premises! I said 'fair enough, you take the food back, I'll come with you and get a refund back onto my card'! She said we can't do that, you've ordered the food now! I told her I could, and would do that, because you waited until you brought out the food before moaning about the dog, and it's obvious you've already seen the dog out here with us before you brought out the food! The manager said he was 'disinclined' to give us our money back, but, we'd be allowed to eat it 'this time'! I said 'fuck you, and fuck Wetherspoons, you will reimburse us, it was your fault not ours, you should have told us before I paid! We did get our money back though, and that folks is how I was banned from Wetherspoons in Oxford city centre, 
and I've never set foot in any other Wetherspoons, with, or without my dog! I'm really glad they are going down the drain, the quicker, the better, as far as I'm concerned!
Tim Martin the director of Wetherspoons, his face when my name gets mentioned!
I forgot to include my final retort to the manager on my way out of the pub, 'give my regards to the microwave'!
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6 hours ago, webtrekker said:
London is a 15 minute city. I wouldn't spend more than 15 minutes in the bloody place!
Yep, it sure is a 'pretty, shitty, city' alright! Joking apart I took my wife and our friend to Oxford for a day last year, dirty old streets and beggars all over the place, Inspector Morse would turn in his grave! We went for dinner at Wetherspoons city centre pub 'The Swan And Castle' and after we'd paid for the meal, the waitress who brought it out to us said that the management wouldn't allow our dog on the premises!
I said 'but we're sitting here on the pavement area, and there' no one else sitting out here'! She said the area outside on the street was classed as the premises too, as was any car park attached to any of the Wetherspoon premises! I said 'fair enough, you take the food back, I'll come with you and get a refund back onto my card'! She said we can't do that, you've ordered the food now! I told her I could, and would do that, because you waited until you brought out the food before moaning about the dog, and it's obvious you've already seen the dog out here with us before you brought out the food! The manager said he was 'disinclined' to give us our money back, but, we'd be allowed to eat it 'this time'! I said 'fuck you, and fuck Wetherspoons, you will reimburse us, it was your fault not ours, you should have told us before I paid! We did get our money back though, and that folks is how I was banned from Wetherspoons in Oxford city centre, and I've never set foot in any other Wetherspoons, with, or without my dog! I'm really glad they are going down the drain, the quicker, the better, as far as I'm concerned!
Tim Martin the director of Wetherspoons, his face when my name gets mentioned!
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On 3/26/2023 at 7:42 AM, alexa said:
He looks like a real Charley
King Charles will don a special gold silk coat worn by his mother, father and great-grandfather for Coronation
Hang on a minute, them are my old Gran's bedroom curtains, I gave them to a charity shop in Greenock twenty five years ago, along with six pairs of her old long legged, elasticated, knee length, passion killer, pink drawers, he's not wearing a pair of those underneath the curtains is he? And those shoes look suspiciously like my Granddad's old 'Riverdance' shoes!
What a total wanker, he couldn't rule a straight line, much less a Nation! He reminds me of the 'Hyde Park Flasher' who exposed himself to three old ladies walking their Chihuahua's not so long back, one old lady actually had a stroke, but the other two couldn't quite reach
it was such a cold morning that day, he ended up having to describe himself to them!
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My brother married a really miserable woman, he said 'I can make you happy, if you'll marry me, we'll get married in a real castle!
They got married in a castle, but when a gang of little kids got in and started bouncing around she asked the attendant to help her to get out and find her shoes for her!
He had a two week honeymoon in Benidorm and a few weeks later he found out that she was pregnant
I said' I told you at the time, you should have taken her to Benidorm with you! He now thinks she's selling drugs from home while he's down the pub, I said 'why would you think that'? He said 'I was a bit late going out last night, she was in the bedroom rubbing 'Oil of Ugly' into her face and her phone rang so I answered it, and some bloke said it's only me, has the dope gone yet'? He was moaning the other day about not even being allowed to give the kids a little smack these days, like about two grammes worth just to get them to sleep'! His little girl said 'Dad, give me a tenner and I'll tell you who sleeps with mum when you're away driving your truck'! He gave her the tenner and asked who it was? She said 'it's me dad, I'm off down the shop to get some sweets, thanks for the tenner'! He asked his wife what she wanted most of all for her birthday? She said 'a divorce' and he said 'well, I wasn't thinking of spending that sort of money'! About three months after they got married she said to him 'I've got something to tell you, before I met you, I used to be a hooker'! He said 'Ooohh tell me more, this is turning me on' She said 'well my name was Nigel, and I used to play rugby for Wigan'!
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I was reading that they've just opened the first Disneyland theme park in Japan, what a waste of money that was, there's no one tall enough to go on any of the rides!
They won't allow me on the rides, and now the seagulls have nicked the ice cream off my cone!
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4 hours ago, Moonlight said:
Liquorice stick anyone?
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52 minutes ago, Campion said:
Hi Name, I understand this way of framing it, and there's folks on both sides of the debate. It depends what you think the Illumini have planned for us. An armageddon-type collapse and demolition of our civilisation with population reduction and economic collapse; or creation of a Brave New World style technocratic-communist gulag to imprison us in 15 minute cities and cut us off from nature and traditional community.
Either way I think it's a good idea to learn some practical skills to do more things for ourselves and become a little more self-sufficient in our local community.
I'm not clever enough to know the definitive answer to the 'Asylum Seeker' problem, but my take is this. I have no problem with someone trying to improve the lifestyle and the security of their families and come here willing to work and give something positive to the country who's allowed them in, in order to improve their family situation! My objections are letting in young, single men who roam around the local communities intent on pestering the local female population, committing minor, and sometimes, major crimes, moaning about their food, their accommodation, and the way they are treated by the country who's allowed them in in the first place! They all seem to somehow have better clothes, trainers etc than their hosts, and most of them have state of the art mobile phones and expensive watches and rings, not bad for someone escaping from repressive regimes who threaten their very lives! We, or rather, they, the manipulators, are piling large heaps of shit and major problems on our heads for their own agendas, none of which are for any of our benefits!
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I went into the bakery and asked for an uncut loaf, the lady said 'we haven't got any bread, only muffins'! I said 'what's the difference'? She said 'There's two ff's in muffins, but no f in bread'!
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An old man in a dirty and stained Mac, hired a prostitute and took her back to his house, led her up stairs, told her to strip naked and then climb onto the wardrobe!
she did so and then, when she looked down, the old man had taken off his 'flasher Mac' and was laying naked on the bed! She said 'you don't want me to jump on top of you do you? I might kill you at your age! He said 'no, what I want is you to reach out your left leg, flick the light switch on and off rapidly, whilst banging your right heel every five seconds against the wardrobe door and you'll find a bucket of water next to you, keep flicking the water at me please'! She said 'are you taking the piss? you've paid me a hundred pounds to do that?, are you totally mad'? He said 'no dear, the water being flicked on me remind me of a wet and stormy night, when I was a kid, the light going on and off, on and off, reminds me of the lightning, and the drumming on the wardrobe door reminds me of the thunder'! She said 'well aren't you gonna give me one to get your money's worth'? He said 'What? on a night like this? you gotta be joking, I'd catch Pneumonia at my age'!
The same' lady of horizontal refreshment' was talking to me in a pub one night and she said 'you see that old codger there? he's 91, and every month he gives me a hundred pounds cash to give him a very quick handjob, and then he hits me with his walking stick for a while'! I said 'a while? how long does he hit you for'?
She said 'only until I give him his hundred pounds back'!
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32 minutes ago, alexa said:
Who with ?
Your cousin, the bank should have asked me, he asked me for a kiss at the end of the night, I said 'No, we shouldn't even be here in bed together really'!
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53 minutes ago, Mr Crabtree said:3 hours ago, alexa said:
I tried to draw a large amount of money out the other day & the questions & the forms I had to fill out was ridiculous. The only thing they didn't want to know was the color of my toilet roll & if my cousin's queer.
They should have aske me, we went for drink the other night, and he is as camp as a field full of tents,
He makes Alan Carr look as hard as a night club doorman, AND your cousin was on Ketamine, I had a moan about it and he just laughed and said 'ooohh, get off your high horse'!
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2 hours ago, alexa said:
I tried to draw a large amount of money out the other day & the questions & the forms I had to fill out was ridiculous. The only thing they didn't want to know was the color of my toilet roll & if my cousin's queer.
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On 3/4/2023 at 5:34 AM, alexa said:
How to survive a killer asteroid impact: NASA confirms it can deflect a deadly space rock from hitting Earth - but here is what YOU should do if the agency's mission fails
Hide under the Kitchen table & watch out for a flying weetabix
More fear porn for any gullible wankers to toss over, it'll go nicely with the Tsunami swamping London anytime soon? and that nice Mr Putin nuking the U.K.? All we need now is Brussels halting our supply of sprouts to complete this triple treat of fear porn, ahh well we've always got the soaps and the reality T.V. to fall back on! Take a few more Valium and hope for the best I suppose? That pic looks like my peanut butter, hemp and bread groundbait I use for carp fishing.
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2 hours ago, webtrekker said:
I think the council would have something to say if I sold my house!
No, I don't own my house any more. I sold it 20 years ago and now live in a rented council semi. Best decision we ever made! We're south-facing, overlooking open fields and woodland, beautiful garden, 3 bedrooms, newly fitted kitchen and bathroom, new DPC, new roof, new insulation and decorated and carpeted throughout after the works were done. Yearly boiler and gas checks and any repairs always sorted in good time. All of which cost me nothing!
My rent is £400 per month, of which we pay half due to being pensioners now. Same with council tax. Even if I had the money I'd never buy another house again.
The same here, the only difference is, where I live is a bit like the wild west in some ways, for instance if you pay the rent two months running, armed police come round to see where you got that sort of money from legally!
Seriously though, we have owned two houses in the past, owning neither made us particularly happy to be honest, and when my small business collapsed we sold up, paid off the Shylocks at Barclays and moved here to Brighton where we rented for a couple of years. We did up the long garden that was well overgrown, and then the owners who had been living in Holland came back, their family had grown too large for that house so they wanted to sell and buy bigger! The council then re-homed us to our estate we're on now, which was a lot rougher than it is these days, in the first year or so we were here there were five murders on the estate! drugs related mainly, except for one man who murdered his wife with a wooden mallet during a drunken row! At one time you couldn't get shopping or takeaways delivered, now half the estate's population seem to work for Deliveroo But if I'm honest, I love it here, being a local bus driver one of my routes was the number 1 bus= Whitehawk to Mile Oak and over the years I got to know lots of people from here, and mostly they are 'the salt of the earth' types! The biggest arseholes are some of the residents that have big houses up Dyke road, a few of them are dodgy 'door knocker' types who con people out of their antique stuff just paying a pittance!
This type of criminal for anyone who's never heard of 'Knockers'!
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On 2/23/2023 at 3:08 PM, alexa said:
Well I must be, especially when it comes to flat earth
People like you are pushing the flat earthers over the edge!
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10 hours ago, DaleP said:
No whisky and rye. lol
For years and years I've always put six sugars in my tea, coffee etc, BUT, I never stir it because I can't stand anything sweet! Clever thinking 'eh?
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4 hours ago, alexa said:
Thanks, I love the Dubs, also the Frank and Walters, particularly their song 'After All'! I like Imelda May, Gary Moore, Phil Lynott, Jim McCann, The Wolfe Tones, The Whistlin' Donkeys and a few others! Before the great pandemic scam we went to Southern Ireland often, we usually stopped in Duncannon in County Wexford in a house across the road from the lovely beach, and we always attended every ceilidh held in the Strand Tavern, the pub on the corner.
I used to let my hair down after a few pints in there, and out came the harmonica, that was usually about the time that my wife and the grandkids went back across to the cottage and left me to 'entertain' my Irish friends
But, by then we were usually pissed anyway and I always felt that they appreciated my playing, and even the punters dogs used to join in and howl in accompaniment! The bastards who lied to us sure as hell effed up a lot of things that brought pleasure to ordinary people!
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I love the Irish group 'ASLAN' I discovered them late in life, but, made up for it by playing their songs A LOT, AN AWFUL LOT in fact!
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1 hour ago, webtrekker said:
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SAY'S IT ALL REALLY!
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My fellow Americans, we're gathered here tonight to investigate whether I just ordered a double cone vanilla ice cream with extra sprinkles? or whether I ordered a nuclear missile attack on Moss Cow? We should get in touch with our President, who's ermm, who's name escapes me right now, does anyone know his name'? 'Sir, his name is Joe Biden Sir'! 'Really? wow, how spooky is that? I think my name is Joe Biden too, although the name sewn into my boxers say's 'Primark' for some unknown reason? Joe Biden 'eh? wow, that is one heck of a coincidence, two Joe Bidens, one loves ice cream, and the other one loves world peace, how random is that'? To finish off tonight I'd like to tell you a little joke, The actress said to the Bishop, errm, no, hang on, the Bishop said to the actress, err errmm, no, that's not right either, I'll get back to you on that one, whatever they said to each other was damned funny anyway, I laughed so much I shit my boxers! No, wait it wasn't a Bishop and an actress, it was Vladimir Putin who said to Donald Trump, ermm, err, shit, it's gone again, but take my word for it, it was damned funny anyhow!
HOW'S ABOUT THAT THEN VLAD? DONNIE, YOU ARE ABOUT AS FUNNY AS SYPHILIS!
SEE, I TOLD YER SO!
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On 2/25/2023 at 9:48 PM, shabbirss said:
I didn't realise we even had a king, I thought we'd got another queen, or a jumped up court jester doing his impression of a queen!
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Doctor Vernon Coleman - Champion Dissenter
in Recommended Reading, Viewing and Audio
Posted
I was the other way to you, I used to be very right wing in the 70's = British Movement, National Front, and for a short period of time Column 88, and then came the moment when I realised we were fighting the wrong 'enemy' it was 'our' government using the very old 'divide and conquer' tactics yet again! Despite all this bollocks talked about never being allowed to leave this type of organisation, I walked away with no repercussions at all, but of course the media have to hype up this sort of thing to show how dangerous to society groups like that are! In the late 70's I had a very public row with Miriam Carling at a meeting of the 'Anti Nazi League' in Cofton Park near the British Leyland factory in Longbridge Birmingham where I worked at that time! This was blown out of all proportion and appeared in the well known magazine 'Searchlight' owned and run by a Jewish gentleman by the name of Maurice Ludmer, I gathered from the article that mister Ludmer wasn't too keen on me!
I don't regret my past, it's been part of forming who I am today, but now the scales have fallen from my eyes and I can see clearly how we all get manipulated 24 / 7 by those in charge!