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Mr Crabtree

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Everything posted by Mr Crabtree

  1. 'Fuck off man, that gun isn't even loaded'! John Lennon to Mark David Chapman outside The Dakota Building, Dec 8th 1980! That was also John Lennon's last hit, unfortunately it was his head, hitting the pavement!
  2. Don't worry too much mate, if it's Chinese made it'll probably break in no time anyway! It would be funny if it was full of fortune cookies, all saying a similar thing, 'Americans, you are fucked, Biden has been leading you down the garden path, you should have stayed with Trump, at least he's one of ours'!
  3. I've just seen an article David has put up about the vaxxed sheep, apparently now they aren't classed as vaxxed until fourteen days after the jab! You're either vaxxed, or you're not vaxxed, it's like saying you can't be declared dead until fourteen days after you first died! Where the fuck does all this bollocks come from? Are they saying that people who were wise enough to say NO to the death jab, are so thick they won't notice this latest load of old cobblers they're trying to foist upon us now? They aren't concerned about the jabbed ones, because most of them will be goners soon anyway! We kept our kids well away from any jabs when they were little, they grew up fit and healthy anyway, but now, my oldest daughter will have any jab going, she's turned into a right hypochondriac who's always feeling ill, especially when she has to go somewhere she doesn't really want to go, or do something she really doesn't want to do! I remember even when she was little, she came downstairs one morning limping badly 'My leg hurts so bad I can't go to school like this, we've got P.E. today and I just won't be well enough to do it'! I said 'no of course not, you lie on the settee whilst I phone Halfords to cancel your bike you were having for Christmas'! She said 'Why? I really want that bike dad'! I said 'No point in buying you a bike, what if you've got something serious and you have to have your leg off? how are you going to ride a bike with only one leg'? 'And there's no point in getting you a scooter either, how could you use that with only one leg'? I went into the kitchen to make a pot of tea and a few minutes later she came in with the shocking, but good news that her leg was much better now, and maybe she would be alright going to school after all! I said to my wife, 'The Lord be praised, another miracle, shall I leave cancelling the bike now then'? You can guess my daughter's answer!
  4. A bit early for Harrods sale isn't it? or, are they just 'Loitering with in tent'?
  5. My brother used to work for a Rabbi, helping out with the circumcisions, he didn't pay my brother a lot of money, it was only a Saturday job, but, he used to get five pounds, plus tips! But, he was allowed to keep the foreskins, which he always did without fail, and he always took them home, dried them out, and dear old Mum sewed them together to make purses! Now here's the clever bit, if you rubbed then in a certain way, they'd swell up to the size of shopping bags! Could this be the answer to the age old carvings? Could those buildings have been ancient Synagogues?
  6. Alexi has a mind as sharp as a scalpel, he's been much underrated in the past, but he really is one funny man!
  7. Talking of old faces in the media, my wife told me that Esther Rancid had breast cancer! My reply ''That's Life'! The geezer on the right is 'Doc' Cox, who went on to become 'Ivor Biggun and the red nosed burglars'' and had the hit Songs 'I'm a Wanker' and 'Reader's Wives' amongst others! It's been alleged by a few people that she'd known for years what 'Sir' Jimmy So-vile was up to, and wasn't the other 'Sir' Rolf Harris convicted of molesting a five year old girl in Miss Rancid's swimming pool? To be honest, there's never smoke without fire, and her association with people like that nullifies any sympathy I might have felt for her!
  8. Incest is all right, if you keep it in the family! 'INTERESTING INCEST' a new board game that all the family can play! It's worked alright for centuries amongst the 'Royals'!
  9. I think abortion should be made mandatory, for every member of the cabinet, the media and so called 'celeb judges' under ninety years old, remember folks, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE, TO TERMINATE!! And whilst we're about it, any of their parents who are still living should be given a fucking good few slaps with a crowbar, until they stop writhing, just for letting their bastard offspring draw breath in the first place! Any fucker associated with the 'convid'' jabbing should have half a dozen pork chops strapped around their necks and then be thrown naked into the Lion enclosure of their nearest zoo! This would give them the time it takes the Lions to stop laughing to try and make their escape, but, for Gawd sake, don't throw then to the Hyena's, those fuckers could laugh for England, and we don't want to give them that much of a chance to escape, do we?
  10. I'll be totally honest here, I would be very surprised, and not a little disappointed if I found out that I wasn't on some government list somewhere, even if it was only something called 'The gobby old gobshite list'!
  11. They initially arrest Mr Landon for having the six children aged between seven months and five years old inside the cellar in Obritz along with his forty year old partner. Neighbours alerted the police after hearing the children's voices inside the cellar that also contained a number of c.c.t.v. cameras. Landon was arrested and then released on the same evening, although it is expected that he will be charged with 'Resisting State Authority'! He has self published several books entitled 'Red Sow, 'Dirty Justice' 'The Judas Principal' and 'The Destructive Effect Of Information Technology On Human Intellectual Development'! He is believed to have worked in I.T. before moving there from England. He is believed to be a REICHSBURGER and part of a right wing extremist group who believe the German Empie still exists as it did prior to W.W.2 and the current German State is insignificant!
  12. Peter Hitchens said vehemently, time and time again that he would not take the vax under any circumstances, and low and behold, not long after, in Feb 2021, he succumbed and took the jabs, to get a' vax passport' that never existed anyway! I lost any respect for him afterwards!A 'Judas Goat' of the first order!
  13. Indeed I do, It'll be the race no one is allowed to mention because it's not considered Kosher to do so, Oy Vey vot is the world coming to?
  14. Religion is the major cause of war, murder and mayhem throughout the world, but to me it's the biggest load of bollocks you could ever get, and a major brainwashing tool to keep the sheep in line! The Vatican is filled with Pedo's who convince their flock that if they don't toe the line and confess their 'sins' to the holy father they will all burn in hell when they turn their toes up! Meanwhile, God's representatives here are earth are allowed to molest and in some cases kill children for their own perverted ends! The Church of England have Bishops and their underlings who molest children over decades before someone decides enough is enough, we have religions who say it's followers must wage a holy Jihad against the 'Kaffirs' {US} The Jehovah's Witnesses expect members to donate part of their earnings to the church to keep it running and functional! It seems to me that we, the common or garden plebs are just to keep the wheels rolling! With all these 'One True God' characters up there, heaven must be bursting at it's seams, and yet, IF he did exist, surely the could only ever be 'ONE TRUE GOD' so the others must surely be Usurpers who have no right to be there in the first place! This 'Religious' stuff is very complicated, about as complicated as some of the 'T.V. Soap' plots, and getting more and more complicated in a bid to stay the 'Top Dog'! I took my car for a service the other day and got thrown out because the vicar said I was blocking the aisle!
  15. Mr Crabtree

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    First we were told to be worried about Monkey Pox, and now they've upped the ante to, wait for it, =SQUIRREL POX, it's now in Dumfries and Galloway! I can't wait for Tortoise Pox, if you see a tortoise coming towards you, you only have two hours to run away and avoid catching Tortoise Pox, you have been warned! Two hours to run away? that's what you think SUCKER! Parliament is meeting to discuss this latest threat following on from the Monkey Pox scare!
  16. I loved Franka Potente, especially in Run Lola Run, The Bourne Identity and The Bourne Supremacy! a Good actress, underrated by many! She also played a Brothel owner in Taboo with Tom Hardy playing James Delaney!
  17. Mr Crabtree

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    He was just Biden his time, he was probably humming that old Maurice Chevalier song 'Thank Heaven for little girls'!
  18. I was sitting at home watching a nature documentary with David Attenborough, gawd knows how he got into my living room, I'd got the front and back doors locked and he still got in, the world's best 96 year old Ninja! WHAT DOES ONE HAVE TO DO FOR THE ELITES TO BE KNIGHTED {TWICE}? ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD PLEASE!
  19. This National Grid idea about having a cash payback for switching off your power seems a bit 'iffy' to me, I think it might be another test to see who will conform to their requests, like the amount of sheep who conformed to the 'wear a mask' adverts by your creepy, snidey, not to be trusted government! Personally my disabled wife's warmth and comfort is my aim, not following the governments dictates!
  20. After a break of about sixty years I've decided to re read George Orwell's books, 'The road to Wigan pier' and 'Down and out in Paris and London' so I've purchased a couple of used copies from Ebay! I want to see what a different take I'll have on them  after first reading them around sixty years ago when I was a teenager! I've recently re read 'The ragged Trousered Philanthropists' by Robert Tressell  [real name Robert Noonan ] and thoroughly enjoyed it! 👍

  21. Scientists have now crossed a few Jehovah's Witnesses with a few Millwall fans, and now they knock your door, and TELL YOU to fuck off! I knew a Jehovah's witness from my old school, she was born without a uterus, but it didn't effect her, she just couldn't give a fuck!
  22. Seriously, I wouldn't watch Corrie or any other soap if they paid me to, they're proper brainwashing tools, although to be fair, anyone who is a fan of this type of t.v. bollocks has such a weak brain, they wouldn't need it to be properly washed, a quick rinse would suffice! My wife's friend is an avid fan of the soaps and watches them all religiously, and when her wanker of a husband has a day off work all he does is sit in his kitchen most of the time watching TIK fucking TOK, as does their daughter and her girlfriend who sit all day in their bedroom, and still live at home with mommy and daddy at 26 and 28 years old! He works in a hotel and on his days off, he never goes out, never does any DIY or help around the house, it's just TIK TOK all day long! He's so boring he used to get fan mail from Alan Partridge! He's only fifty, but he acts as if he is in his eighties! And yet he'll tell people at work that he been all over the place, and he's done this that and the other, in actual fact he's leading a wasted life, living it through other people on TIK TOK! I took him fishing once to get him out of the house, even in the car going to the lake he was on his phone watching? yep you've guessed it, TIK TOK! I set up the rods, I even cast his one in for him and later on it caught a carp which I had to reel in, it was a lovely mirror carp just over five pounds, but, by the time he got to tell his missus, it had grown to over twenty pounds! When I showed her the pics of it she said 'it doesn't look very big for twenty pounds does it'? Sorry, I went into a bit of a rant there, but my point is, these soaps are no good to anyone's mental wellbeing, life is all around us, but some people prefer the telly screen version, rather than live life for themselves!
  23. That big headed kid wants feeding up a bit, and, is he anemic? I've seen bigger arms on a Barbie doll!
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