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webtrekker

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Everything posted by webtrekker

  1. Larest from PJH Law. Looks like a no-go ...
  2. Hang on a sec ....................... just checking it's not April 1st today!
  3. Update for anyone following the PJH Law case ...
  4. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    This financial crisis is forcing governments and business at all levels to make some tough decisions. If things continue like this for much longer, there's a real risk that we may have to lay Fred off ...
  5. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    I got caught taking a piss in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
  6. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    Some nicknames that have been given to Glasgow characters by their friends and workmates: "Two Soups" his real name is Campbell Baxter. "The Colostomy" - the girlfriend of a married man (i.e. the wee bag on the side). "The Boomerang Kid" - whenever anyone at work asks a question, he always replies: ' I'll get back to you on that. ' "The Parachute" - lets everyone down at the last minute. "Vaseline" - his real name is Willie Burns. "Rembrandt" - loves saying to colleagues: ' Let me put you in the picture...' "Bo Derek" - a chap called Derek with terrible body odour. "The Genie" - magically appears whenever anyone opens a bottle. "Dulux" - his pals reckon he's only got one coat. "Soapy" - washes his hands of any problems that crop up.. "The Yeti" - always on the sick. Many unconfirmed sightings of this guy, but nobody can prove he actually exists. "The Gas Man" - he's serviced loads of old boilers. "The Hostage" - when anyone asks for help he always replies: 'Sorry, my hands are tied.' "The Olympic Flame" - he never goes out!
  7. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    "If we could convince the Chinese that Jihadists' testicles are an aphrodisiac, in 10 years they could be extinct ... "
  8. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    A man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as 'Low Battery'. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the charger. Give that man a medal.
  9. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    If you get an email telling you that you can catch Covid from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.
  10. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    A man died one day and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter replied, "Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on the clock will move." "Oh," said the man as he pointed at one of them, "Whose clock is that?" St. Peter replied, "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "That's incredible, " said the man. St. Peter pointed to another clock, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life." The man was impressed, and then asked, "Where's Boris Johnson's clock?" St. Peter said, "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
  11. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    After 7 years training and several more years in public practice, a good friend of mine has been found guilty of gross professional misconduct and struck off. He can no longer work in the medical profession he devoted his life to. He had sex with a patient. It was, he says, consensual. Neither was married, but rules are rules. Anyway, all that training down the drain. (**Lifts glass...**) Here's to Dave. A good mate and the best vet I've ever known.
  12. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    My girlfriend said if I don’t do page 7 of the Kama Sutra she will leave me. It's put me in a very difficult position.
  13. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing £10 in 50p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account. At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'. 'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier. The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.' 'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?' The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously: 'I think so. Provided those wankers at Wickes deliver the f*cking bricks on time.'
  14. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  15. webtrekker

    A HUMOUR THREAD

    What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  16. Government scientists expect it to lessen during the winter months.
  17. The new Croc Variant looks absolutely horrendous!
  18. Yeah, or get a hobby! I'm 70 in a couple of weeks time but, when I'm not moaning in here, I do a lot of other stuff that keeps my mind occupied. I do a lot of programming and this helps a lot in my daughter's business. I have made many web apps to speed up production for her as her work is heavily graphics-oriented She produces many personalised items and I have made most of the work required to layout, print & cut them automatic. It'sgreat fun for me and a boon for her as she is not so technically-minded. I also make stuff myself to sell. Mainly sublimation printed items (mugs, clocks, bags, etc) although now it's more of a hobby than a source of income. I also have a contour cutter so I can cut vinyl designs for my two granddaughters clothing. They love it that we can turn a pair of cheap Primark leggings, hoodie or t-shirt into a branded item (we dont sell these BTW). Another thing which filled some time in this year was to build a large garden shed from scratch and, with the addition of a projector, screen and Firestick the kids now have a comfortable cinema room to while away the time watching Netflix, Prime, Youtube videos, or whatever. I got lots of fresh air doing that one! So what I'm saying is, you need to be aware of what's going on, for sure, but at times you need to step away from it all and give your mind a rest and your body a boost
  19. That article means nothing to me. For a start, who is the author Julie Beal? What are her qualifications? Where does she work? If a researcher, who funds her? Why is there no extensive (or any!) list of references at the end of any of her articles? It's all her OPINION. Not good enough for me I'm afaraid.
  20. With all due respect, you're telling us to search the internet for papers and references which, presumably, you yourself have done. The internet IS AWASH with DISINFORMATION. Nothing can be trusted! All papers and other research that matters was long ago censored or discredited. Countless $$$ billions have been distributed to buy out every scientist, doctor or researcher in a prominent position. Modern medicine relies on 'viruses' and other such nonsense to produce an endless stream of money from constantly ill patients. Successful careers have been destroyed by not following the party line. So really there's no way for the common man to be able to do anything resembling unbiased research, which means that, to all intents and purposes, your guess is as good as mine.
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