A Hateful Soul...

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

Yes...

My soul is filled with hate. And what I find even more pathetic, is that I only have the strength to put it here..
Why? Because... I don't know..

I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate the people around me. I hate the ones that say they love me...

I'm so tired of fighting. And right at the second, I admit defeat! Right when I finally show that I'm broken and beaten... They walk away. Just like the system that controls us... They all just leave. Nothing more to put in. "I'll just leave you alone until you've calmed down"... No shoulder. No love. Just ... Nothing.

I fucking hate how fake everything is. I fucking hate how often people talk about the beauty of life, and every time I turn around, I see another hopeless carbon unit strolling along, begging. Just looking for anything. I see another hateful face just longing to die. I see constant worries about bullshit. Constant fighting about out right bullshit. It's everywhere I look. Even the children have been taken. Replaced by a new breed of foul creatures just looking for a way to harm something so they can get a laugh. Just so they can feel that power they are programmed to go after.

Every now and then, I catch a moment of clarity, a moment of beauty flashes in the corner of my eye. But just as quickly, it's taken away, only to be that which I believe everything to be... Just another illusion. Keep my hopes up and let me keep digging. Perhaps if i dig enough, I might find that treasure of life. Most likely, I'll dig my own grave.

I fucking hate so many things. I fucking hate this planet. I hate the duality of people. The brainwash. Even when they say they care. They don't care. Where are you? In your living room, at work. Where ever. But not where the problem truly is. Is the problem truly within? Perhaps.. Because the biggest problem I see, is nobody ever doing anything. Sure, there are some. But such a small number, I can count them on my fingers and toes..

Love...

Don't even start. Please, I beg you! You call all this suffering, all this strife towards death "love"? Look at this place. It's filth now. There's nothing to salvage. No hope anymore.

But I hate myself most of all. The reason. Because I'm the biggest sinner of them all. I'm the hypocrite. I'm the one that judges and refuses to be judged.

But I'll admit. I do try. I try and try and try until my knees are bleeding and my hands are hardened by the stones of truth I've tried so desperately to carry. Only to have a cock in the ass. That's right, only to get fucked in the ass by the ones I love. Fuck them. And fuck anyone who disagrees. It's my reality, my pain, my selfishness. My ego. My greed. It's mine. And you can't have it.

The drink and the smokes are my only friends at this point.

Of course, this could be me just venting my anger. Could be an "emo cry for help". It could be me being an attention whore. I just might be fine tomorrow. But won't we all. Won't we all just drown away the sorrow, and come back tomorrow with a smiling mask on as if it didn't happen? Just to keep the peace. Put your tail between your legs, because the only thing worse than crazy, is being a wreak.

[ninja17]

i know how you feelin.a lot of people do...like just runnin with an axe through everybody...

But since i know im "disconnected" whenever i feel like that i get over it,take a sleep or two and start again...

i really have experienced that my inner world creates my reality.
so as far i can say it is all in you to may be change your view on things.it worked for me...

pce

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

thanks...

But no.
I'm not going to let it pass this time. Every fucing time I let it pass, no change truely happens..


So fuck it. I'm grabbing hold of this feeling and not letting go. Let's see how far I get with this one, shall I?

[i_am]

thanks...

But no.
I'm not going to let it pass this time. Every fucing time I let it pass, no change truely happens..


So fuck it. I'm grabbing hold of this feeling and not letting go. Let's see how far I get with this one, shall I?

and that is what you need to do.

rant, rave, swear, kick (not a person hopefully) and let it all come out. Suppressing it just allows it to build until you blow a gasket.

Feel the feeling and then maybe, just maybe, you can let it go.

[auron]

The drink and the smokes are my only friends at this point.

Maybe thats why you're feeling pissed off all the time??

[banjaxo]

people like you make me sick...

you want respect and attention, earn them....

in the meantime keep your crazy and selfish violence under control and try
not to turn into a complete monster...

from what i can gather you are a negative and violent entity who parades as
a human being

when you have no right to that title whatsoever...

[cheeb]

people like you make me sick...

you want respect and attention, earn them....

in the meantime keep your crazy and selfish violence under control and try
not to turn into a complete monster...

from what i can gather you are a negative and violent entity who parades as
a human being

when you have no right to that title whatsoever...

He always come across as a decent person to me,
Have you read all of his posts,
Give the guy a break,
We all get pissed off,
From time to time!!!

:eek:

[lemonique]

Hi, sounds to me like you may be tired? get some sleep.

" Be gentle with yourself.
If you will not be your own unconditional friend, who will be?

If you are playing an opponent and you are also opposing yourself
you are going to be outnumbered. "

A walk on a beach can do wonders. Walk away from the computer for a while.

Lemonique

[lydia78]

He always come across as a decent person to me,
Have you read all of his posts,
Give the guy a break,
We all get pissed off,
From time to time!!!

:eek:

Hell yeah.
dark night of the soul stuff..darkest before dawn
promise you, you're not walking a lonely path
it's all part of empathy, we search for justice,
which is betrayed by man made laws
the system is back to front
and the frustration with it is enough to send ya,
over load...might be time to pull back
and gain some space from the neg's
then clarity comes.:)

[eternal_spirit]

I think you're a decent type not a bad soul. What you're going through will pass in time. I don't know what to say to help but can relate to some of the feelings from you're post.

There's always sunshine after rain
Laughter after pain

[godsavengerslavenomore]

(h1s_l0rdsh1p) I have been to that dark place, and probarbly will go there again, I can relate to how you feel becuase I am you and you are me.....
I sometimes feel like like venting my anger on the world and those around me, and have thought some serious ways how to execute revenge on the system...but like you said we do nothing, exept dream but there is power in dreams my friend, not the kind when you sleep but when you are awake. I wish I could tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel or a salution, but like you I see none on this plane of reality. but there is when i open my eyes through the power of Magic Mushrooms. Stop Drinking and if you are puffing you will only spiral down, both alcohol and puff are downers. they will sychose your mind brother.

Peace

[majicdragon]

It is the darkest before the dawn.

that is true


why have you locked yourself away... all alone
with your sorrow and your pain... forever
feel my sorrow

how have the gods lead you astay... brother
why do you fear the dawning day... my friend
feel my pain

feel my sorrow
wisk me away to morrow
take my hand

I'll take you away
to the other side...
to the promised land


come to the end of your life with me
come to the end of your time

come to the end with your spirit my friend
and take a look back with your mind

know as the sage what should have been done
and be silent and still in your heart

know that you've only the power of one
and only can play one part

looking around you at people you love
know that that's where you've been placed

it isn't a fit like a hand in a glove
but would you have it erased...

Smile when you talk abouth frightening things
smile with your soul and your heart

Smile and know that you stand at the end
honored for playing your part

[herebynightfall]

http://www.estatevaults.com/bol/images/Elephant%20from%20Ashes%20and%20Snow.jpg

teach those willing to learn.

[auron]

http://aycu28.webshots.com/image/28987/2000716078750180892_rs.jpg

[lizzy]

I am new here. But I am not new to how this guy feels. Most of us have been there, ( and if you have'nt , count yourself lucky and say little because you have no reference with which to empathise with his present mindset )....It passes , but sometimes it takes a while usually it does when we have reached this point.
This is gunna sound corny, The 12 steps in Alcoholics Anonymous, I am not suggesting you quit drinking . The steps force us to look at our fear and resentments then deal with them in a healing and productive way. Once we have hurt another, when we still hold a grudge, once a fear has taken hold, not taken into account our part in hurtful interactions, we start to hurt inside bigtime.
Without new age metaphysics this thin volume is 101 basic mental health.
I heard every word you said. And I agree, seeing our communities fragment with selfish, greedy useless people and seeing the beaten down around us is all the Grand Plan to disenfranchise us from our love and respect for self.
Hey, if we can't be ourselves here with people who know 9/11 was an inside job and ALL the other evil,. If you really DO get what going on . It really IS hard to handle. I know , I am struggling too
Bless You.
Hey

[lizzy]

(h1s_l0rdsh1p) I have been to that dark place, and probarbly will go there again, I can relate to how you feel becuase I am you and you are me.....
I sometimes feel like like venting my anger on the world and those around me, and have thought some serious ways how to execute revenge on the system...but like you said we do nothing, exept dream but there is power in dreams my friend, not the kind when you sleep but when you are awake. I wish I could tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel or a salution, but like you I see none on this plane of reality. but there is when i open my eyes through the power of Magic Mushrooms. Stop Drinking and if you are puffing you will only spiral down, both alcohol and puff are downers. they will sychose your mind brother.

Peace

Well said, I still smoke but no more brews.. I wish i could get hold of natures' M and M's.

[auron]

I wish i could get hold of natures' M and M's.

http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/4705/dejensucomentario1kike0.gif

http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=3286686859329905674

[ho1ogram]

I LOVE YOU

G'day his lordship, perhaps you are experiencing what Eckart Tolle calls the "pain-body".

This accumulated pain is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. If
you look on it as an invisible entity in its own right, you are getting quite close to the
truth. Its the emotional pain-body. It has two modes of being: dormant and active. A
pain-body may be dormant 90 percent of the time; in a deeply unhappy person,
though, it may be active up to 100 percent of the time. Some people live almost
entirely through their pain-body, while others may experience it only in certain
situations, such as intimate relationships, or situations linked with past loss or
abandonment, physical or emotional hurt, and so on. Anything can trigger it,
particularly if it resonates with a pain pattern from your past. When it is ready to
awaken from its dormant stage, even a thought or an innocent remark made by
someone close to you can activate it.

Some pain-bodies are obnoxious but relatively harmless, for example like a child who
won' t stop whining. Others are vicious and destructive monsters, true demons. Some
are physically violent; many more are emotionally violent. Some will attack people
around you or close to you, while others may attack you, their host. Thoughts and
feelings you have about your life then become deeply negative and self-destructive.
Illnesses and accidents are often created in this way. Some pain-bodies drive their
hosts to suicide.

When you thought you knew a person and then you are suddenly confronted with this
alien, nasty creature for the first time, you are in for quite a shock. However, it's more
important to observe it in yourself than in someone else. Watch out for any sign of
unhappiness in yourself, in whatever form - it may be the awakening pain-body. This
can take the form of irritation, impatience, a somber mood, a desire to hurt, anger,
rage, depression, a need to have some drama in your relationship, and so on. Catch it
the moment it awakens from its dormant state.

The pain-body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existence, and it can
only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take
you over, "become you," and live through you. It needs to get its "food" through you.
It will feed on any experience that resonates with its own kind of energy, anything
that creates further pain in whatever form: anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief,
emotional drama, violence, and even illness. So the pain-body, when it has taken you
over, will create a situation in your life that reflects back its own energy frequency for
it to feed on. Pain can only feed on pain. Pain cannot feed on joy. It finds it quite
indigestible.

Once the pain-body has taken you over, you want more pain. You become a victim or
a perpetrator. You want to inflict pain, or you want to suffer pain, or both. There isn't
really much difference between the two. You are not conscious of this, of course, and
will vehemently claim that you do not want pain. But look closely and you will find
that your thinking and behavior are designed to keep the pain going, for yourself and
others. If youweretruly conscious of it, the pattern would dissolve, for to want more
pain is insanity, and nobody is consciously insane.

The pain-body, which is the dark shadow cast by the ego, is actually afraid of the
light of your consciousness. It is afraid of being found out. Its survival depends on
your unconscious identification with it, as well as on your unconscious fear of facing
the pain that lives in you. But if you don't face it, if you don' t bring the light of your
consciousness into the pain, you will be forced to relive it again and again. The pain-
body may seem to you like a dangerous monster that you cannot bear to look at, but I
assure you that it is an insubstantial phantom that cannot prevail against the power of
your presence.

Some spiritual teachings state that all pain is ultimately an illusion, and this is true.
The question is: Is it true for you? A mere belief doesn't make it true. Do you want to
experience pain for the rest of your life and keep saying that it is an illusion? Does
that free you from the pain? What we are concerned with here is how you can realize
this truth - that is, make it real in your own experience.

So the pain-body doesn't want you to observe it directly and see it for what it is. The
moment you observe it, feel its energy field within you, and take your attention into
it, the identification is broken. A higher dimension of consciousness has come in. I
call it presence. You are now the witness or the watcher of the pain-body. This means
that it cannot use you anymore by pretending to be you, and it can no longer replenish
itself through you. You have found your own innermost strength. You have accessed
the power of Now.

What happens to the pain-body when we become conscious enough to break our
identification with it?
Unconsciousness creates it; consciousness transmutes it into itself. St. Paul expressed
this universal principle beautifully: "Everything is shown up by being exposed to the
light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light." Just as you cannot
fight the darkness, you cannot fight the pain-body. Trying to do so would create inner
conflict and thus further pain. Watching it is enough. Watching it implies accepting it
as part of what is at that moment.

The pain-body consists of trapped life-energy that has split off from your total energy
field and has temporarily become autonomous through the unnatural process of mind
identification. It has turned in on itself and become anti-life, like an animal trying to
devour its own tail. Why do you think our civilization has become so life-destructive?
But even the life-destructive forces are still life-energy.

When you start to disidentify and become the watcher, the painbody will continue to
operate for a while and will try to trick you into identifying with it again. Although
you are no longer energizing it through your identification, it has a certain
momentum, just like a spinning wheel that will keep turning for a while even when it
is no longer being propelled. At this stage, it may also create physical aches and pains
in different parts of the body, but they won't last. Stay present, stay conscious. Be the
ever-alert guardian of your inner space. You need to be present enough to be able to
watch the pain-body directly and feel its energy. It then cannot control your thinking.
The moment your thinking is aligned with the energy field of the painbody, you are
identified with it and again feeding it with your thoughts.

For example, if anger is the predominant energy vibration of the pain-body and you
think angry thoughts, dwelling on what someone did to you or what you are going to
do to him or her, then you have become unconscious, and the pain-body has become
"you." Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath. Or when a dark mood
comes upon you and you start getting into a negative mind-pattern and thinking how
dreadful your life is, your thinking has become aligned with the pain-body, and you
have become unconscious and vulnerable to the pain-body's attack. "Unconscious,"
the way that I use the word here, means to be identified with some mental or emo-
tional pattern. It implies a complete absence of the watcher.

Sustained conscious attention severs the link between the painbody and your thought
processes and brings about the process of transmutation. It is as if the pain becomes
fuel for the flame of your consciousness, which then burns more brightly as a result.
This is the esoteric meaning of the ancient art of alchemy. the transmutation of base
metal into gold, of suffering into consciousness. The split within is healed, and you
become whole again. Your responsibility then is not to create further pain.

Let me summarize the process. Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know that
it is the pain-body. Accept that it is there. Don't think about it - don't let the feeling
turn into thinking. Don't judge or analyze. Don't make an identity for yourself out of
it. Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you.
Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes," the
silent watcher. This is the power of the Now, the power of your own conscious
presence. Then see what happens.

For many women, the pain-body awakens particularly at the time preceding the
menstrual flow. I will talk about this and the reason for it in more detail later. Right
now, let me just say this: If you are able to stay alert and present at that time and
watch whatever you feel within, rather than be taken over by it, it affords an
opportunity for the most powerful spiritual practice, and a rapid transmutation of all
past pain becomes possible.

From Chapter two of "The Power of Now" by Eckart Tolle. http://www.eckharttolle.com/interviews_68

THANK YOU

[lizzy]

hi auron,....you sure have the right 'pic' along with your name.
ThankU..way cool, I was ready for a new hobby.LOL.

[auron]

http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/1456/compuetr2iy8.gif

[adimon]

I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate the people around me. I hate the ones that say they love me...


My serious advice is to treat yourself to a nice comfortable pair of running shoes and run as far away as you can. Who knows where you'll end up. Maybe you'll get to see a cool sunset or something you haven't seen before. Maybe an animal you didn't know was in your region. When it gets dark you can sleep, and in the morning you can run back. You will feel better than you ever have in your life.

Whenever I feel pissed off or lonely, I run. I'm not Forrest Gump, but when I hit rock bottom in year 2000, I ran 27 miles and saw the best sky ever. I was unfit at the time, but just kept on going. Now when I run, I can go forever, until I feel like stopping, or I'm cheered up, or even bored sometimes. But it's not a bad bored. The clarity I get from running is immense.

[auron]

Lol. I haven't done any strenuous running since high school.

Well, on several occasions i have when the shop was about to close.

I can't be doing without rolling papers.

http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/5008/jointun9.gif

[purple is a fruit]

I LOVE YOU

G'day his lordship, perhaps you are experiencing what Eckart Tolle calls the "pain-body".



From Chapter two of "The Power of Now" by Eckart Tolle. http://www.eckharttolle.com/interviews_68

THANK YOU

PLEASE His lordship...take this post very seriously......it is VERY real and it will consume you if you dont face it. It is a muddy dark pond we all must face up to and wade through. You will come out the other end thankful for the experience of experiencing it.....I am speaking from my own experience. Embrace it.
Resonance is the key word. You have a simple choice to make. You cannot understand anything here without polar opposite contrasts is how I have come to understand it. Get to know the dark intimately and pull it to pieces and understand it....then make a choice. It is purge time for humanity. Everything that happens outwardly is the manifestation of the dark we have not chosen to face inwardly. The spiral is tightening as terence McKenna puts it so well.......time to Dig deep for everyone.

Love to you
Purple

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

I thank you all for your kind words, and loving posts.

But this feeling is not leaving me anytime soon.

I know, that one of my biggest problems is my aggression. Perhaps I was tramautised at a young age. Perhaps it's just genetics. I know my Great-Grandfather was a 2nd Degree Freemason, and a police sheriff. I kow my grandfather was a police officer with a record of police brutality, planting drugs on people, and being an undercover cop at the Kent State shooting.
I know my real father was a very abusive person who was known for getting into many fights with police while in jail, and even outside. I've been told that he was a very intellegent mother-fucker too. He knew more laws than a lawyer, and could usually talk his way out of anything. I know most of the men from both sides of my family have been aggressive people with bad tempers. And I know I don't have to be like that...

But, when the few things that you can't stand. Ignorance, arrogance, selfishness, idiocity, ect.. Are constandly around you, and you try and work things out with these people when they are fighting with each other. Or just try to have a good day, but have to have some asshole always trying to make the conversation just to get a laugh; "It was an inside job! But you can't do anything about it!" ... I guess genetics just kick in, you know.

To tell you the truth, I would love to run away. I would love to drop everything, and never have to hear a word from the ones I left behind. Just so I can have some peace.


But I can't. I'm someone who believes in doing "the right thing". And I just can't leave people behind like that. So it enrages me more. I know.. It's wrong... But right now, enbracing this rage, this hate, this feeling of no care.. It just gives me this sense of relief for some reason. It gives me this sense of power. I'm better than everyone right now...

And what pisses me off even more, is that I know none of those feelings are true... And they never will be...

Really, thank you all for what you've said. But it's gonna be awhile. I'm sorry

[purple is a fruit]

I thank you all for your kind words, and loving posts.

But this feeling is not leaving me anytime soon.

I know, that one of my biggest problems is my aggression. Perhaps I was tramautised at a young age. Perhaps it's just genetics. I know my Great-Grandfather was a 2nd Degree Freemason, and a police sheriff. I kow my grandfather was a police officer with a record of police brutality, planting drugs on people, and being an undercover cop at the Kent State shooting.
I know my real father was a very abusive person who was known for getting into many fights with police while in jail, and even outside. I've been told that he was a very intellegent mother-fucker too. He knew more laws than a lawyer, and could usually talk his way out of anything. I know most of the men from both sides of my family have been aggressive people with bad tempers. And I know I don't have to be like that...

But, when the few things that you can't stand. Ignorance, arrogance, selfishness, idiocity, ect.. Are constandly around you, and you try and work things out with these people when they are fighting with each other. Or just try to have a good day, but have to have some asshole always trying to make the conversation just to get a laugh; "It was an inside job! But you can't do anything about it!" ... I guess genetics just kick in, you know.

To tell you the truth, I would love to run away. I would love to drop everything, and never have to hear a word from the ones I left behind. Just so I can have some peace.


But I can't. I'm someone who believes in doing "the right thing". And I just can't leave people behind like that. So it enrages me more. I know.. It's wrong... But right now, enbracing this rage, this hate, this feeling of no care.. It just gives me this sense of relief for some reason. It gives me this sense of power. I'm better than everyone right now...

And what pisses me off even more, is that I know none of those feelings are true... And they never will be...

Really, thank you all for what you've said. But it's gonna be awhile. I'm sorry


That was like reading something i would have written only a month ago.

Flip it all around sweetie and dig deep. Everything you wrote in that post...flip it around and look inside.

journey beyond enlightenment....Stuart Wilde.
there is a torrent.


I wish you all the best and love you anyway even if you think you hate everything ;)
Pm me anytime

PS: you cannot run away from yourself...it is no quieter. What you see around you is your reflection in the pond.

Love Purple.

[notaslave]

The drink and the smokes are my only friends at this point.

Nope. You have friends here. Hang in there. Do some stuff just for yourself maybe one day a week. Have a His Lordship Day.

[yinon]

I'm so tired of fighting. And right at the second, I admit defeat! Right when I finally show that I'm broken and beaten... They walk away. Just like the system that controls us... They all just leave. Nothing more to put in. "I'll just leave you alone until you've calmed down"... No shoulder. No love. Just ... Nothing.

Your Ego is broken - Not you -

Perhaps you resist and do not want to walk without your exceeded armour


I observe people around me .They want to learn but above all to control the game . Especially do not take them at fault. They did not know how to live a defeat without destroying the ones who threatened their illusory comfort.

You are there now.

If you are able, let your armour away.

If not, be who you need to be.

I appreciate your genius. Truly! I am grateful for your courage!

I am one who does not tolerate excess of mood for too long. You can express your anger but transform it. I understand people around you.

Your responsability to pass this wall

[yinon]

The cellular JAIL

http://www.indnav.com/images/dyn/featureImages/21068_1_1.jpg

[yinon]

Peeling Onions....

http://www.rochester.edu/pr/Review/V67N4/images/FeaArt4.jpg

[bigus_dickus]

Yes...

My soul is filled with hate. And what I find even more pathetic, is that I only have the strength to put it here..
Why? Because... I don't know..

I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate the people around me. I hate the ones that say they love me...

cool hateful post, i hate it and i hate you too. what do you want, you want something?

[yinon]

The Onion

The onion, now that's something else.
Its innards don't exist.
Nothing but pure onionhood
fills this devout onionist.
Oniony on the inside,
onionesque it appears.
It follows its own daimonion
without our human tears.

Our skin is just a coverup
for the land where none dare go,
an internal inferno,
the anathema of anatomy.
In an onion there's only onion
from its tip to its toe,
onionymous monomania,
unanimous omninudity.

At peace, of a piece,
internally at rest.
Inside it, there's a smaller one
of undiminished worth.
The second holds a third one,
the third contains a fourth.
A centripetal fugue.
Polyphony compressed.

Nature's roundest tummy,
its greatest success story,
the onion drapes itself in its
own aureoles of glory.
We hold veins, nerves, fat,
secretions' secret sections.
Not for us such idiotic
onionoid perfections.

— by Wislawa Szymborska
tr. Stanislaw Baranczak and Clare Cavanagh
from View With a Grain of Sand

Ode to an Onion

Onion,
luminous phial,
petal by petal
your beauty was formed,
scales of crystal amassed
and dark earth in secrecy
rounded your belly of dew.
Beneath the earth
was the miracle
and when a clumsy green stalk
appeared,
and your leaves like swords in the garden
were born,
the earth gathered her might
in showing your naked transparency,
and as in Aphrodite the distant sea
replicated the magnolia
raising her breasts,
so the earth
made you,
onion,
bright as a planet,
and destined
to shine,
constant constellation,
round rose of water,
upon
the table
of the poor.

Generous,
you undo
your globe of coolness
in the fervent consummation
of the pot,
and the shred of crystal
at the ardent heat of oil
transforms into a curled feather of gold.
Also I will remember how your influence
quickens the love of the salad,
and it seems that the sky contributes
in giving you the fine form of hail
to celebrate your brightness minced
over the hemispheres of a tomato.
But at the pursuit
of the people's hands
sprinkled with oil,
dusted
with a little salt,
you kill the hunger
of the day-laborer on the hard road.

Star of the poor,
fairy godmother
wrapped
in delicate
paper, you come from the earth,
eternal, intact, pure
as starseed,
and on cutting you
the knife in the kitchen
raises the single tear
without sorrow.
You made us weep without grieving us.
All that exists I celebrated, onion,
but to me you are
more beautiful than a bird
of blinding feathers,
you are to my eyes
a celestial globe, cup of platinum,
motionless dance
of anemone covered in snow

and the fragrance of earth
lives in your crystalline nature.

— Pablo Neruda,
tr. Paul Kerschen
from metameat.net

Lullaby of the Onion

Lines for his son, after receiving a letter from his wife in which she said that all she had to eat was bread and onions .

An onion is frost
shut in and poor.
Frost of your days
and of my nights.
Hunger and onion,
black ice and frost
huge and round.

My son is lying now
in the cradle of hunger.
The blood of an onion
is what he lives on.
But it is your blood,
with sugar on it like frost,
onion and hunger.

A dark woman
turned into moonlight
pours herself down thread
by thread over your cradle.
My son, laugh,
because you can swallow the moon
when you want to.

Lark of my house,
laugh often.
Your laugh is in your eyes
the light of the world.
Laugh so much
that my soul, hearing you,
will beat wildly in space.

Your laugh unlocks doors for me,
it gives me wings.
It drives my solitudes off,
pulls away my jail.
Mouth that can fly,
heart that turns to
lightning on your lips.

Your laugh is the sword
that won all the wars,
it defats all the flowers
and the larks,
challenges the sun.
Future of my bones
and of my love.

The body with wings beating,
the eyelash so quick,
life is full of color
as it never was.
How many linnets
climb with wings beating
out of your body!

I woke up and was an adult:
don't wake up.
My mouth is sad:
you go on laughing.
In your cradle, forever
defending your laughter
feather by feather.

Your being has a flying range
so high and so wide
that your body is a newly
born sky.
I wish I could climb
back to the starting point
of your travel!

Your laugh, eight months old,
with five orange blossoms.
You have five tiny
ferocities.
You have five teeth
like five new
jasmine blossoms.

They will be the frontier
of kisses tomorrow,
when you feel your rows
of teeth are a weapon.
You will feel a flame
run along under your teeth
looking for the center.

My son, fly away, into the
two moons of the breast:
the breast, onion-
sad, but you, content.
Stay on your feet.
Stay ignorant of what's happening,
and what is going on.

— Miguel Hernandez
tr. Roberty Bly
from Against Forgetting: Twentieth-Century Poetry of Witness, Carolyn Forche ed.

[yinon]

The Traveling Onion

When I think how far the onion has traveled
just to enter my stew today, I could kneel and praise
all small forgotten miracles,
crackly paper peeling on the drainboard,
pearly layers in smooth agreement,
the way knife enters onion
and onion falls apart on the chopping block,
a history revealed.

And I would never scold the onion
for causing tears.
It is right that tears fall
for something small and forgotten.
How at meal, we sit to eat,
commenting on texture of meat or herbal aroma
but never on the translucence of onion,
now limp, now divided,
or its traditionally honorable career:
For the sake of others,
disappear.

— Naomi Shihab Nye
from Words Under the Words

Homage to the Mineral of the Onion (I and II)

I

In the onion, there's
something of fire. That fire known as
Fog. The onion is the way
fog has of entering the earth.

Into the soil. Through the green leaves of the onion.

Look how its leaves extend up into the air.
Look how, once cut,
an onion's leaf has air inside it.

Air is the generosity of fog.
With fog, there is generosity on earth.
These two thoughts are identical.

They are two thoughts that sustain the earth.
In these bellicose days that promise wars,
look how the onion helps fog
to sustain the earth.

II

The onion is also the way
soil shares the earth
with fire.

Through the leaves of the onion, songs pass
from earth up to the fire.
Fire, as you know, is fog.
And the songs —
the noise of feet when they step upon soil.

But only (I admit) if the feet are clad
in work boots, gum boots.
Never with feet clad in boots worn by soldiers.

If the feet are clad in such boots, of soldiers,
the leaves clam up.
And the song goes into the earth, where it lies
forever.
And the fog turns itself into gunshots
so as to vanish.
And at this time, it is not possible to share the earth.

— a translation by Erin Moure
from Poets Against the War

A selection from Songs to Survive the Summer

Use a heavy-bottomed
three- or four-quart pan.
Thinly slice six large

yellow onions and sauté
in olive oil and butter
until limp. Pour in

beef broth. Simmer
thirty minutes,
add red port and bake

for half an hour. Then
sprinkle half a cup
of diced Gruyère and cover

with an even layer
of toasted bread and
shredded Samsoe. Dribble

melted butter on the top
and bake until the cheese
has bubbled gold.

Surround your self with friends.
Huddle in a warm place.
Ladle. Eat.

— by Robert Hass
from Praise

Peeling Onions

Only to have a grief
equal to all these tears!

There's not a sob in my chest.
Dry-hearted as Peer Gynt

I pare away, no hero,
merely a cook.

Crying was labor, once
when I'd good cause.
Walking, I felt my eyes like wounds
raw in my head,
so postal-clerks, I thought, must stare.
A dog's look, a cat's, burnt to my brain---
yet all that stayed
stuff in my lungs like smog.

These old tears in the chopping-bowl.

— by Adrienne Rich

Cut

for Susan O'Neill Roe

What a thrill —
My thumb instead of an onion.
The top quite gone
Except for a sort of hinge

Of skin,
A flap like a hat,
Dead white.
Then that red plush.

Little pilgrim,
The Indian's axed your scalp.
Your turkey wattle
Carpet rolls

Straight from the heart.
I step on it,
Clutching my bottle
Of pink fizz. A celebration, this is.
Out of a gap
A million soldiers run,
Redcoats, every one.

Whose side are they on?
O my
Homunculus, I am ill.
I have taken a pill to kill

The thin
Papery feeling.
Saboteur,
Kamikaze man —

The stain on your
Gauze Ku Klux Klan
Babushka
Darkens and tarnishes and when
The balled
Pulp of your heart
Confronts its small
Mill of silence

How you jump —
Trepanned veteran,
Dirty girl,
Thumb stump.

— by Sylvia Plath

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

You know..

I had to walk away to the bathroom because I just started crying.

Many reasons...

I'm sorry, but can we close the thread or something because I just can't do the rest of this.

[freespark]

You know..

I had to walk away to the bathroom because I just started crying.

Many reasons...

I'm sorry, but can we close the thread or something because I just can't do the rest of this.

Ah the joys of being human eh? I have been having some troubles my self lately me lord. (many as per your origional post) I just batton down the hatches and hide away until i am ready to come out again. You need to look inside...all you need can be found inside.

You be ok mate. Chin up and wat not...You got the lovely members of the forum on your side man!! ;)

My problem is i take life to seriously sometimes....we shouldn't. That's what they want and it's hard not to when everone else takes it all so serious. :p

when i lighten up and laugh at myself it lifts my spiwits...try it. :D

[lydia78]

You know..

I had to walk away to the bathroom because I just started crying.

Many reasons...

I'm sorry, but can we close the thread or something because I just can't do the rest of this.


Believe it or not sounds like you're on the road to

releasing that anger

crying is a good thing

let your body do what it needs to

love to you mate

totally feel where your coming from

you are not alone in this internal darkness

soon it will fade and you will know clarity again.;)

[albie]

I too hate everything. My life is hell. Chavs everywhere. no meaning. nothing.

Destroy it all.

[cheesedanish]

Man ... how do we get rid of these dark feelings? gee, you got
me crying too....you know whatever you feeling it's your pain -
and no one can tell you it's not bad or insignificant.

All I can say for myself in these last few days - I look and
realise that worse things have happend to people - sorry
If I sound contradictory - I am talking about myself and what
I have heard and read in the last few days - you think things
are bad - but they could be worse and it's ok - everyone has
to carry their own cross I guess.

[yinon]

You know..

I had to walk away to the bathroom because I just started crying.

Many reasons...

I'm sorry, but can we close the thread or something because I just can't do the rest of this.

Albie seems happy of your choice - Death ....................ohhhhhhh

Good Luck mate!!!

http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=kkIPydTdVQ8



http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=kkIPydTdVQ8

[revolutionary_jam]

Thats a brave post, I'll read the thread later and comment xxx

[albie]

I feel happy when I remember I will die one day.

[cheesedanish]

One day you Will be right....:)

[limelady]

You know..

I had to walk away to the bathroom because I just started crying.

Many reasons...

I'm sorry, but can we close the thread or something because I just can't do the rest of this.


Yep, we'll close this now HL.....besides, Albie's arrived. :rolleyes:

Hope you feel better tomorrow hun :)

LL