dhama_initiative
03-12-2009, 01:58 PM
I went to a Pentecostal Church from the age of around 17 - 19. My family had before gone to a old fasioned traditional evangelical church, but they got into it when they were burnt out with their old church and it gave them a new zest for life.
It seemed so loving, I kept trying to get into it and belong, but kept failing and always felt really sad, depressed and left out there, I could not get into it or be part of it.
I'm glad my parents found it as they have been a lot happier there and found good friends, but I'm not sure it does much spiritual good and the experience has left me very confused.
The services were very emotionally manipulative , they would lift us up and down with 10 minutes of loud, rousing music and everybody jumping up and down, punching the air and shouting, then 10 minutes of sad, reflective music with everyone crying, lying down on their faces weeping, lifting their hands and swaying slowly. And through all this, people rolling around, laughing hysterically, groaning, "speaking in tongues", and shaking.
I felt kind of trapped in a bind where I didn't have the courage to pray with people or try and "be filled with the spirit" or feel anything with them unless i became good friends and trusted them, but I couldn't become good friends with them untill I started doing that stuff.
Also every one I knew there annoyed me, none of them were interested in the bible or Christianity or read books on the subject, all of them were only interested in enjoying the emotional rush of the meetings and repeating everything their leaders told them. And some tried to be cool and go to rock concerts and wear goth clothes to prove how part of culture they were, but they were so fuzzy and vague on everything. Like if you asked them what they thought of gays the cool ones would say "well.. i dont really agree with it..but its their private business to sort out with god". Wheras the ones not concerned with being cool or punky would agressively say its wrong.
I felt warm when everyone put their hands around me, but I never spoke in tongues or got pushed over or felt anything that strong. My parents saw crazy stuff like gold powder flaking off a guys face. The "healings" never seemed to work.
They were hugely concerned with making you believe you were gonna get rich and get better careers, very materialistic. They used to have lots of self-help "tony robbins" type Christian speakers come and hype up their talks and sell lots of books. Thge most hyped up one was a woman called Christine Caine, my mum has an attic full of the books she bought from her.
The youth camps were the most over-whelming and manipulative, huge rock festivals, loud speakers. They would alternate between playing heavy metal and shouting slogans like "do it for jesus" while we all jumped up in the air, and playing sad music while telling us about killed martyrs while everyone lay down and cried. There was no real study or theology, it was all emotive.
My parents became disilusioned with the career/wealth mindset and feeling put upon with jobs, they left and we went to another Pentecostal Church after that. That was a lot nicer and laid back, but I still didnt fit in and left there to go to Quakers. (my folks still are happy there).
Some of the the people there really freaked me out though. They just seemed wrong. I'm sure people here would say they seemed wrong to me as they had Christ and i didnt, but some just seemed scary and horrible. I just felt wrong there. I used to wonder if it was because i was to attached to ideas of a sinful life (clubbing etc) too much, but even when i was trying to live the life i felt wrong. I remember getting "saved" at camp, then trying to pray and feeling nothing. Plus my bad social skill always made me jealous of how unpopular i was.
It seemed so loving, I kept trying to get into it and belong, but kept failing and always felt really sad, depressed and left out there, I could not get into it or be part of it.
I'm glad my parents found it as they have been a lot happier there and found good friends, but I'm not sure it does much spiritual good and the experience has left me very confused.
The services were very emotionally manipulative , they would lift us up and down with 10 minutes of loud, rousing music and everybody jumping up and down, punching the air and shouting, then 10 minutes of sad, reflective music with everyone crying, lying down on their faces weeping, lifting their hands and swaying slowly. And through all this, people rolling around, laughing hysterically, groaning, "speaking in tongues", and shaking.
I felt kind of trapped in a bind where I didn't have the courage to pray with people or try and "be filled with the spirit" or feel anything with them unless i became good friends and trusted them, but I couldn't become good friends with them untill I started doing that stuff.
Also every one I knew there annoyed me, none of them were interested in the bible or Christianity or read books on the subject, all of them were only interested in enjoying the emotional rush of the meetings and repeating everything their leaders told them. And some tried to be cool and go to rock concerts and wear goth clothes to prove how part of culture they were, but they were so fuzzy and vague on everything. Like if you asked them what they thought of gays the cool ones would say "well.. i dont really agree with it..but its their private business to sort out with god". Wheras the ones not concerned with being cool or punky would agressively say its wrong.
I felt warm when everyone put their hands around me, but I never spoke in tongues or got pushed over or felt anything that strong. My parents saw crazy stuff like gold powder flaking off a guys face. The "healings" never seemed to work.
They were hugely concerned with making you believe you were gonna get rich and get better careers, very materialistic. They used to have lots of self-help "tony robbins" type Christian speakers come and hype up their talks and sell lots of books. Thge most hyped up one was a woman called Christine Caine, my mum has an attic full of the books she bought from her.
The youth camps were the most over-whelming and manipulative, huge rock festivals, loud speakers. They would alternate between playing heavy metal and shouting slogans like "do it for jesus" while we all jumped up in the air, and playing sad music while telling us about killed martyrs while everyone lay down and cried. There was no real study or theology, it was all emotive.
My parents became disilusioned with the career/wealth mindset and feeling put upon with jobs, they left and we went to another Pentecostal Church after that. That was a lot nicer and laid back, but I still didnt fit in and left there to go to Quakers. (my folks still are happy there).
Some of the the people there really freaked me out though. They just seemed wrong. I'm sure people here would say they seemed wrong to me as they had Christ and i didnt, but some just seemed scary and horrible. I just felt wrong there. I used to wonder if it was because i was to attached to ideas of a sinful life (clubbing etc) too much, but even when i was trying to live the life i felt wrong. I remember getting "saved" at camp, then trying to pray and feeling nothing. Plus my bad social skill always made me jealous of how unpopular i was.